A bunch of
teens go camping in the woods when a masked
serial killer shows up and starts killing them off one
by one with a chainsaw.
Awful. Just awful. I don't even know how to review
this movie as there's nothing to review. I mean, come
on, just read that minimal plot. They haven't even
tried to disguise it as a proper movie, for Christ
sake, the movie is called "Slasher", and that's all
it is. It's a slasher movie, and not a good one at
that. It's about a group of annoying teens who go
camping in the woods by a lake (even if these teens
don't strike me as campers). Meanwhile, other random
people who are also camping by this lake get killed
off - obviously just fodder material. Anyway a killer
shows up and kills them.
Okay so I realize that I have to try to fill an entire
page with this review (which is most likely longer
than the script for this movie was, if there even was
a script which I highly doubt) so let's focus on some
of the most obvious negative things about the movie.
First of all, the killer looks awful. He's got an ugly
white mask, a black t-shirt with some print on it
saying Nekromantik or something, a white plastic apron
and Adidas sneakers. Are you freaking serious? Then we
have the blood. Oh my god the blood. I don't even think
they used red food colouring, the nearby grocery store
probably only had pink food colouring so they decided
to go with that because believe you me, it doesn't get
ANY pinker than this. Seriously, I didn't even know
food colouring could look this pink. What's even more
hilarious is that they actually think that the blood
looks good so that pink colour is splattered just
about everywhere, it looks like a Martha Stewart show
gone horribly wrong.
What else? Oh right the acting. The director obviously
knew that his cast couldn't act for shit so he had them
say as little as possible and take their clothes off
as often as possible in a pathetic attempt to distract
the viewer from the god-awful acting. It didn't succeed
as none of the cast members were very attractive (even
though they seemed to think so themselves). Then we
have the killer's choice of weapon. A chainsaw. Well,
as corny as it is, it may have been fairly entertaining
to watch him chop his victims up with a chainsaw but
he never does this - at least not on screen. However,
we do get to watch him destroy various furniture and
doors - not very aggressively though. In fact, he
seemed to be extremely cautious when he destroyed the
furniture so that he wouldn't wreck anything else.
YAWN!!! Oh my god I am just filled with hatred towards
this movie I can't believe people actually made this
crap. Seriously, what were these guys thinking? I've
seen some bad movies in my days but this... you know,
ugh... there simply aren't any words.
I swear I couldn't find a single positive thing to say
about this movie. It was awful. Awful I tell you.
Okay, I'm getting a little bit too worked up here,
I'll just stop right there. AWFUL!!!
PINK! IT'S FREAKING PINK!
SERIOUSLY! THE GORE IS FREAKING PINK!!!!
Awful. Awful I tell you. I really hate this movie with
a passion, man it is just so bad that you can feel
your brain cells just rotting away in your head. I can't
believe they actually thought that they were producing
a good movie here. Giving it 0/5 is being nice. In fact,
even sitting through this movie is being nice. AWFUL!!