Date: 2 June 2004
Subject: DiNozzo, A.
Classification: Confidential **Director's Eyes Only**
Prepared By: NCIS Special Agent Donna Troy
EMPLOYEE ASSESSMENT FILE
|NAME: Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo
||KNOWN ALIASES: None|
|AGE:||Physical…early thirties. Mental…late teens.|
|PREVIOUS LAW ENFORCEMENT EXPERIENCE:
||2 Years Peoria, IL Police Department
18 Months Philadelphia, PA Police Department
22 Months Baltimore, MD
30 Months NCIS, Washington, D.C.
||Prep School--Rhode Island Military Academy|
Ohio State--BA in Physical Education
Currently taking typing courses at Saint
Mary's College, Fredericksburg, VA.
**Note: St. Mary's is an all female college.
||NCIS SPECIAL AGENT
Time in Service [TIS]: 30 Months
||Crime scene sketch expert, ballistic. Trajectory expert, fluent in Spanish, college level athlete playing both football/ basketball at Ohio State, salsa dancing and apparently the uncanny ability to fall in love with murder suspects.
||At first glance the subject appears self
confident and charming…second glance he's obviously overcompensating for something.|
**Note: During this interview alone, he's asked me for my phone number no less than five times.
The scion of a wealthy Long Island banker and an only child, he feels the constant need to be the center of attention. Subject claims his mother went through a "Louis XV Phase" when he was five, making him sleep in a canopy bed with candles…he's had nightmares about vampires and sex ever since. **Note: Subject then expressed a strong desire to show me said bed…I declined.
Subject is an action film and television aficionado. Thomas Magnum was his childhood hero. He once compared Special Agent Gibbs to Captain Ahab, showing his willingness to confront a superior with the truth or a death wish.
**Note: Subject wishes to note that he considers Special Agent Gibbs' painful slaps to his head a sign of affection and not abuse.
||Diet seriously deficient. Significant proportion of daily caloric intake derived from Cap'n Crunch cereal and Krispy Kreme donuts.
Possesses 20/10 vision but has often been seen wearing glasses. When asked about this anomaly the subject replied: "It's part of my smart look."
Despite his diet he appears to be in perfect health. Attributing his top physical condition to frequent exposure to women and sunny tropical locales…especially women in tropical locales.
||With Special Agent Gibbs: "Father/Son"
With Special Agent Todd: "Sister/Brother"
With Special Agent McGee: "Borderline Abusive."
**Note: For the record he just asked me for my phone number again.
||Clearly has commitment issues. Never been married and routinely dates between six to ten women a month…every month…every year. You do the math.
Claims to have dated his high school music teacher and his dry cleaner…who at the ripe old age of 26 is apparently the oldest.
||Subject rented and kept the movie GIGLI long enough for it to become seriously overdue.
*Due to an unfortunate clerical error, special agent DiNozzo's personnel file was mixed up with another agent killed in the line of duty. Because repeated attempts to rectify this have failed, it is recommended that he report for a physical to prove he is still alive.