Before I start, let me just ask you all this: Is it just me or does the Big Show look like an overgrown Buff Bagwell with that new haircut??
And also, thanks to everyone who took time out to send me some feedback on my first report! I got all positive stuff so thanks a lot people!! Keep the feedback coming: firstname.lastname@example.org.
And one more thing, me and the Big Calbowski (the guy who I replaced for SmackDown) have got a little thing going on here called Long Live the Big Calbowski, where each week Calbowski lives on in our hearts by supplying us with a Calbowski quote! Anyways, on with it:
Long Live the Big Calbowski: You know something ladies...The Beastie Boys may like their sugar with coffee and cream, but when you come visit the Big Calbowski, you won't want the sugar or the coffee. You'll want to skip straight to the cream.
On with the show!
SmackDown kicks off with that kick ass pyro scene and we are coming to you from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, Michigan!
Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler.
Let's get started shall we?
Cactus Jack, Eddy Guerrero, Chris Beniot and Dean Malenko all make their way to the ring to fire up SmackDown. Jack refers to the events that happened Monday between himself, Triple H and the four Radicals. Jack mentions that down south these four guys were told to check their pride at the door, keep their mouths shut and collect a big, fat paycheck, but Jack says things work a little differently around here and all these four are asking for is a chance to be employed by the WWF. Cactus wants Triple H to find the testicular fortitude to come on out and talk contracts or Jack and the Radicals are going to turn SmackDown into a two hour sit down. Just as they begin bringing some chairs into the ring, D-Generation X appears at the top of the ramp with Triple H leading the way with the mic. Triple H says he can one of two things, the first being himself coming down to the ring, taking all five of 'em out and tossing them in the back by himself. Or, number two, he could snap his fingers and out would come a bunch of armed security guards to escort them out. Triple H talks about how they all thrive on competition before handing the stick to Stephanie who says that the four were nothing more than average as based by her assumptions from Monday night. And now back to Triple H who says he's a pretty reasonable guy so he'll work out a little deal with Cactus Jack and the Radicals. First off, he says Dean Malenko will get X-Pac in the ring, and then he says Eddy Guerrero and Perry Saturn will team up to take on the Outlaws and finally, Triple H takes the liberty upon himself to wrestle Chris Beniot. But before everyone goes nuts over the whole situation, Triple H has some fine print that is attachted to all of these matches. He says if the Radicals can win at least two out of three then they'll talk contracts. Triple H says if that doesn't happen, he won't have to bother taking out Chris Beniot after all. Back to Cactus Jack who says he'll be backstage with a 2x4 wrapped in about five pounds of grade A barbed wire just in case DX should see any reason for interference in any of the matches. Cactus adds that he's just begging Triple H and DX for a reason to use the 2x4.
And now we cut to the entire women's division in the back arguing amongst themselves when Pat Patterson and Gerry Brisco break in. Pat says he knows that it's not fair that Harvey Wippleman is the Women's Champion, so he wants the ladies to draw straws to see who gets a shot at Harvey and the title. Jacqueline draws the shortest one and gets the shot and then a brawl (sort of) takes place with Moolah and Mae Young trying to choke out Patterson and the other ladies fighting about themselves.
Back from the commercial break where we see Mark Henry and Mae Young seated at a table. Mae is complaining about wanting to be the Women's Champion and Mark says he'll cheer her up with all the baby stuff he has out in the car.
Chyna with that cool bazooka comes out, no doubt to cover Chris Jericho's back.
Chris Jericho vs. Gangrel for the Intercontinental Title
Before the match Y2J was on the mic and he thanked Chyna for watching his back and for proving to him and all the Jerichoholics that she is one bad mamma jamma. Out comes Gangrel along with Luna and the match is underway. Y2J controls the early going with a spinning heel kick but misses a splash and gets thrown to the outside. Luna tries to interfere with Y2J but Chyna says uh-uh so Luna backs off and Gangrel comes out to toss Jericho back in the ring. Gangrel takes control with an elbow but then Jericho hits a bulldog and a nice flying elbow coming off the ropes. Gangrel fights back with a side Russian legsweep that gets a 2 count on Jericho. Gangrel then hits a sunset flip off the second rope but Jericho reverses it into the Walls of Jericho and retains the Intercontinental title by making Gangrel tap out.
Winner: Chris Jericho
Afterwards, Chyna handed the belt to Y2J and the two celebrated in the ring.
And now we take yet another look of JR's interview with Steve Austin on Halftime Heat from last Sunday.
Back from the break where we see Malenko suiting up and the other three Radicals cheering him with Cactus Jack there to tell Dean to keep and eye on Tori.
X-Pac (with Tori) vs. Dean Malenko
Lockups, reversals and brawling begin the match before Malenko turns it up with a leg lariat and then a powerslam followed up by a 2 count. X-Pac battles back by hitting a spinning heel kick and then takes control of the match with a headlock applied to Malenko. Malenko breaks loose and X-Pac tries another kick but gets caught and spun to the mat. X-Pac right back up and he batters Malenko down in the corner, the Bronco Buster is missed and Malenko comes back with a vertical suplex for a 2 count. And now the Texas Cloverleaf is locked on but X-Pac reaches the ropes and the hold is broken. Tori is up on the ring apron, distracting the ref and giving X-Pac enough time to hit a low blow on Malenko. X-Factor, 1, 2 and 3. DX 1 - Radicals 0.
Back to Mark and Mae and Sexual Chocolate has some Preperation H for Mae. Man, that's just not right...
Backstage, DX hypes it up with X-Pac. 'Pac says it was a piece of cake but is visibly out of breath. The Big Show then comes in and tells Triple H he has video proof of the Rock's feet hitting the ground at the Rumble. And out of nowhere, the footage pops up on the TV in DX's locker room. There it is, Rock's feet did indeed hit the ground first, so Show finally is granted his wish and he'll get a match with the Rock at No Way Out.
Jacqueline vs. Harvey Wippleman for the WWF Women's Title
Harvey gets on the mic and says that no woman can beat him because he's a man. Okay...boring, anyway, Jacqueline makes short work of Harvey and wins the Women's title in about 10 seconds. Well, at least they give it to an actual women's wrestler this time.
Kevin Kelly stands by with the Rock. Kelly ponders the Rock's thoughts on the Big Show and No Way Out when the People's Champ cuts him off. "Finally" line goes here. The Rock says congrats to the Big Show, after all his pissin' and moanin' he's got a shot at the Rock for No Way Out. Oh by the way, Rock told Kelly to go fix himself a nice tall glass of shut up juice. (Little tidbit here, I read that that little "shut up juice" line might be a little warning to Juventud Guerrera. Interesting...) Anyway, the Rock says Show has his height of 7 feet and his weight of 500 pounds but he doesn't have the Brahma Bull tattoo which the Rock brandishes to the camera. (Hey, wait a minute, so if I get a Brahma Bull tattoo I can have all the power of the Rock?? Cool!) The Rock moves on to his match tonight with Tazz and Kurt Angle. He says that by those two jabroni's stepping into the ring with the great one, they're both gonna be made famous. "If ya smell....what the Rock....(posing..."Rock E" chants...more posing...I'm checking my watch now...hmm....*yawn*...more posing...oh there it is) is cooking!"
Back to Mae and Mark and Henry gives her a bottle of lotion or something for her stretch marks. Poor Mark Henry...
Kurt Angle vs. Tazz vs. The Rock
Angle is out first and cuts a promo. He says he's sorry for letting everyone down and of course he's referring to his first loss at the hands of the Rock. Angle says not to worry though, because he says Detroit can really associate with losing, so no big deal. Tazz enters and immeadiately starts things off with Angle. Maybe a minute later and the Rock comes out and the crowd goes insane. Rock runs right in and takes control, he knocks down Angle and then delivers a shot to Tazz' family jewels. Rock walks into an overhead belly to belly suplex from Angle. And now Angle and Tazz team up for a second to lay a beat-down on the Rock in the corner. There's a TazzPlex on Angle, Rock back up and knocks Tazz down with a clothesline. Rock then chucks Angle over the top and heads outside to continue the match. Tazz joins the fray as they fight their way into the crowd and back. Now back inside the ring. Tazz hits a Northern Lights suplex (yes that's what it's called!) on the Rock with a bridge for 2. Tazz heads over to Angle now and locks on the TazzMission but the Rock puts an end to that. Rock with a cover on Tazz that gets broken up by Angle. Angle works over Tazz. The Rock comes in and lays the smackdown on Angle, now a DDT on Tazz, a spinebuster for Angle and the Rock takes charge here. Respective Rock Bottom's for both Angle and Tazz, there's a cover on Angle, 1, 2, and there's Buff Bagwell, I mean the Big Show to pull the Rock out of the ring. Meanwhile, Angle drapes an arm over Tazz to get the win.
Winner: Kurt Angle
Just after the bell, Big Show hits a chokeslam on the Rock out on the floor. Commercial time.
In the back, Eddy and Saturn get pumped up.
New Age Outlaws vs. Eddy Guerrero and Perry Saturn
Eddy G and Billy Gunn start off. Lockup and brawling to begin, then Badd Ass hot shots Eddy into the turnbuckle. Road Dogg is tagged in, Saturn clotheslines the Dogg from outside and then Saturn is tagged in. Northern Lights suplex (no bridge) on the Dogg. Saturn then props Raod Dogg up on the top rope, superplex attempt by Saturn is blocked and that D O double G knocks Saturn back to the canvas. And now a crossbody by the Dogg on Saturn, but Saturn rolls through it and locks on the Rings of Saturn for a minute before Gunn can get in and break it up. Guerrero is tagged in, as is Gunn, Eddy misses a dropkick on Badd Ass and then Gunn follows up with a Jackhammer. A Fame-Asser follows up, Saturn breaks up the count however. There's the Frogsplash we've all been hearing about. Good lord that looks painful. Man, you could see Eddy's elbow pop out. Major ouch. Gunn kicks out of the Frogsplash. Eddy isn't doing much, Dogg is in and picks up the three count. Saturn, who must've not seen it, looks confused. The Outlaws leave as the ref tends to Eddy. Another look at the splash. Damn. Now back to a shot of Eddy, you can clearly see a dislocation of the elbow. Hopefully it's nothing more than that.
Winners: New Age Outlaws
DX 2 - Radicals 0
Backstage DX chats and Triple H says he's feeling sporty tonight, so even though the Radicals are 0 for 2, he's gonna give Beniot his match anyway.
Al Snow and Steve Blackman stand backstage. Snow says something about a promise, but Blackman refuses. "I'm not wearing it!" says Blackman. Snow then says he guesses his promises don't mean anything, he has no honor, and finally Blackman says alright and then we see him put on a Green Bay cheesehead. Snow loves it. That's pretty damn funny!
The Holly's vs. Al Snow and Steve Blackman
Blackman comes out with the cheese hat on, "Headcheese" chants! Blackman tosses the hat on the ramp and the match begins with Snow and Crash in the ring. Snow with a front suplex over the ropes on Crash, Blackman then drops Crash on the steps. In comes the Leathal Cheese (at least that's what Snow called him, heh heh) and Blackman follows up with a backbreaker on Crash. More Headcheese chants. :) Hardcore comes in and powerbombs Snow for a 2 count. After a while, Snow grapples Hardcore for the SnowPlow, but Crash hits a dropkick off the top rope, Snow rolls through and covers Hardcore for the win.
Winners: Al Snow and Steve Blackman
Post match, Hardcore beat on Crash for blowing the match.
And now here's a close up on Rikishi's ass...what the hell is wrong with these damn camera people?!?
And now back to the grandious excitement of Mark Henry and Mae Young. (That's sarcasm there, people!) Anyway, Mark has a breast pump for Mae and this just keeps getting worse...
Rikishi Phatu (with Too Cool) vs. The Big Show
Too Cool more or less just introduces Rikishi as they head to the back during the entrance. Match starts with Show delivering a headbutt that knocks Phatu to the mat. Rikishi quickly regains control however and hits a Samoan drop (sorta) on the Show for 2. There's belly to belly suplex by Rikishi (once again, sorta). A legdrop and a cover for 2. Back up is the Big Show and Rikishi walks right into a chokeslam. (Hate to be repeatitive but, sort of a chokeslam.) Show sells a hurt back before making the cover which only garners a 2 count and Show is livid. He grabs a chair, which gets kicked in his face, but that seems to have no affect on the big man as he waffles Rikishi with it. Show is therefore DQ'ed.
Winner: Rikishi Phatu
After the match, Too Cool runs in but gets destroyed by TBS. And now here's the Rock who lays the fists to Show and then hammers him with the chair. Rock Bottom! And then various refs and officials run in to break it up.
DX talks some strategy.
Here's a recap of the (damn) Dudley's recent destruction. Some footage rolls of the (damn) Dudely's putting everyone from Edge, Terri, Matt and Jeff Hardy through tables.
Back to Mark and Mae (oh, joy) and Mae thinks she feels the baby kick but that's just some gas...no comment...
Triple H (with Stephanie) vs. Chris Benoit
Trash-talking to begin and then lockups and reversals to kick it off. Benoit tried the Crossface early but HHH escapes to the outside and slows down the match. Back in the ring goes Helmsley where Benoit hits a snap suplex and once again HHH rolls out of the ring, but this time he's met with a baseball slide from the Crippler. Now a brawl fires up on the outside, HHH with a drop toe hold that plants Benoit's head into the steps, and now Benoit is whipped into the steps before heading back inside the squared circle. Hunter takes control, stomps on Benoit in the corner and then applies a two handed choke, knee to the face from Triple H, cover, only 2. Benoit back on his feet, punches go back and forth and Benoit gets the upper hand with a clothesline that knocks down the champ. Belly to back suplex by Benoit for 2. And now here's the rolling German suplexes by Benoit! (That just looks cool when it's happening inside a WWF ring!) Benoit heads up top for the swandive headbutt, but HHH tosses referee Earl Hebner into the ropes which crotches Benoit on the top turnbuckle. H with a superplex and a cover for 2. Helmsley's Pedigree attempt is reversed and the Game is slingshoted into Hebner. Cripple Crossface is locked on and Triple H is tapping but Hebner isn't around to see it. Benoit breaks off and tries to revive Henber, which he sort of does. The Crossface gets locked back on but this time HHH is close enough to grab the ropes. Benoit with a knee to the face, followed up by a clothesline and then there's the swandive headbutt. A very slow count by Hebner and Benoit only gets 2. There's a low blow from Triple H which the ref doesn't see, Pedigree, 1, 2 and 3!! Cole calls it a clean sweep by DX! DX 3 - Radicals 0. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out on RAW this Monday!
We are outta here!! See ya next Thursday!!
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