WWF Smackdown Results
Big Calbowski 1/13/2000
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Ladies. The Big Calbowski is like a running back. You know he just
finds a hole, and ZIP, he's outta here!!

Thanks to TuRn2TiNo@aol.com and keep sending in your original quotes.
When I say original, it means I want you to make them up.

Unfortunately, due to the fact that the channel Smackdown usually comes
on is showing a basketball game so I'm gonna ramble. But first the Smackdown report from WWF.com.

SmackDown! began with Triple H and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley making their way to the ring. The couple assured fans that despite Monday's protest, no superstars would be leaving the World Wrestling Federation. Stephanie pointed out that there was only one McMahon running the show, and it was her. The "Game" then took the opportunity to apologize to his mates in D-Generation X. He admitted he was wrong, and said he was sorry for trying to amend the situation with tough love. He then announced three matches for the evening. First, the New Age Outlaws would take on Bradshaw in a Handicap Match, and if Faarooq got involved, the Acolytes would lose their title shot at the Royal Rumble. He then proclaimed that the Outlaws would pull double duty, taking on Faarooq with the same stipulation applying to Bradshaw. The main event of the evening, he announced, would be a chance for Triple H to make up with X-Pac, as the two would team up to face The Rock and the Big Show.

Triple H then changed the subject, bringing up Mick Foley, the man he will face at the Royal Rumble on Jan. 23. He called out Mankind, and the "faux Mankind" who has plagued Foley in recent weeks, came to the ring, groveling to Triple H. The "Game" relished in the faux Mankind's praises until the real Mankind made his way to the stage. But "have a nice day" was not the order of the day, as Foley proclaimed that Mankind was not ready for the street fight at the Royal Rumble. He took off his mask, and then took off his shirt to reveal a Cactus Jack T-shirt! The Hardcore legend is back! Cactus and Triple H brawled, and then Cactus took out his anxiety on the faux Mankind. In an almost surreal moment, Cactus Jack took on Mankind, and Cactus gave us a preview of what we can expect from Madison Square Garden!

The New Age Outlaws then took on Bradshaw. The match was an all-out brawl, as the Outlaws clobbered Bradshaw in the no-DQ format. Bradshaw was able to rally, but as he picked up Mr. Ass for a bodyslam, Road Dogg nailed him with a chair, and Mr. Ass picked up the 1-2-3.

The hottest trio in sports-entertainment today, Rikishi Phatu and Too Cool, came out next to take on the Holly cousins and Al Snow. Rikishi pinned Crash Holly after a sit-down piledriver. Al Snow then attacked both Hollys with Head, speaking maniacally about how he just wanted a partner he could trust. After the match, Rikishi and Too Cool whipped the crowd into a frenzy with their latest dance number.

Gangrel and Test hooked it up next, and Luna tried to involve herself in the match as much as possible. At one point, when Test went for a pinfall, Luna pulled the ref out of the ring and slugged him, earning Test a DQ win. After that, Luna jumped on Test and choked him until Test put her over his knee and spanked her! Test then delivered a pumphandle slam on Luna, and a flying elbow on Gangrel!

Backstage, Chyna and Chris Jericho seemed to iron out their differences, and they agreed to work together to defend the Intercontinental Championship.

The Boss Man and Prince Albert have had their problems recently, and a match-up against the Hardy Boyz certainly didn't help things. The two men has some words during the match, which allowed the Hardys to pick up the win. Albert and Boss Man duked it out after the match.

In an interview, the Big Show said he has scores to settle in the main event tag match. He hates Triple H, because he hasn't gotten a re-match for the title. He hates X-Pac, because X-Pac tells people he beat the Big Show, when it took four men to do it. And the Big Show admitted that he just doesn't like The Rock!

The only Olympic gold medalist to ever grace a World Wrestling Federation ring and the best real athlete in World Wrestling Federation history, Kurt Angle, teamed up with Steve Blackman to take on Edge and Christian. During the match, Val Venis appeared on the screen holding Blackman's Kendo stick, distracting the Lethal Weapon long enough for Edge to pick up the pin. However, Angle has still never been pinned in Federation competition -- so in his mind his undefeated streak continues.

Chyna had some bad news to tell Tori backstage. Apparently, Jericho told Chyna that he had a huge crush on Tori, and even fantasized about her in a flight attendant outfit! It was all a ruse on the part of Chyna, but it worked! Tori made Kane face Jericho that night!

The Outlaws completed the second half of their mission next, taking on Faarooq. The Tag Team Champions of the world took it to Faarooq, pinning him for their second win of the night. After the match, they kept assaulting Faarooq, and Bradshaw made his way to the ring to save his partner. The two teams will meet for the World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Championship at the Royal Rumble.

The new tag team of the Godfather and D'Lo Brown picked up another big win, this one over the Headbangers.

Kane and Chris Jericho battled next. As Jericho made his way to the ring, he assured Kane that he didn't fantasize about Tori; in fact, he said that he didn't find her remotely attractive … and that you'd have to be half-retarded to like her … and that he liked prettier girls … and more intelligent girls … and that she was a lunatic psycho. This, of course, did nothing but irritate the hell out of Kane, who destroyed Y2J. As Chyna and The Kat watched on and laughed, Kane finished off Jericho with a chokeslam and a Tombstone. After the match, The Kat came to the ring and stole the Intercontinental belt for Chyna.

Backstage, Triple H finally found X-Pac after searching for him throughout the show. X-Pac still seemed mad at the "Game," and was reluctant to team with him. Triple H asked his friend to trust him.

The main event was next, and Triple H and X-Pac were certainly able to co-exist. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for The Rock and the Big Show. Still upset about being called a "jabroni" on RAW, the Big Show refused to tag into the match when Rock got in trouble, leaving The Rock wide open for Triple H to score the win with a Pedigree. As The Rock staggered to his feet, the Big Show came from behind, picked up the People's Champion and dropped him with a chokeslam as SmackDown! came to an end!

And now a few ramblings....

First I want to thank the 30+ people who emailed me letting me knowing
what the name of Hardcore Holly's finishing move is, The Hollycaust.
Technical name is the Falcon Arrow. I want to thank you all.

Now two weeks ago, I got a bunch of whiners about the Venis awards. I'm
gonna address all those that I think received the most complaints.
Thankfully, I did get a lot of people who at least gave me reasons
instead of just a mere complaint. Those intelligent people, you know
who you are.

Now when giving out awards, it is strictly a subjective task. I never
said that it has to be your opinion because everything is based on my
opinion and my opinion only.

First some of you said I write the worst columns. Columns? I'm only a
Smackdown reporter. I have no columns. There are those who called me a
WWF mark and thought I take it as an insult. Well why would I take it
as an insult when I parade myself as being the biggest WWF mark? Am I
anti WCW? Damn right. Why wouldn't I be when I don't find anything
entertaining about them? Just like everyone else, I turn on a tv and I
want to be entertained.

Now I got a lot of complaints of the awards I gave to Goldberg. I don't
find anything entertaining about him. I find him the nothing more than
boring. His monotone mic skills don't impress me nor his moves. I've
been watching wrestling for 11 years and I don't miss the old school
wrestling moves. That's all Goldberg is. Old school.

Now some people whined to me about my best and worst moments especially
about not choosing Benoit's dive off the cage for one of the best
moments. Now most internet reporters love Benoit, I'm not most internet
reporters so that's all I got to say about that. I found those
moments I chose more entertaining than anything.

The catchphrase awards...I don't find the Rock's catch phrases tiring.
I find them very enjoyable.

Now to the ECW fans, the only reason I didn't give anything to ECW is
because I only get to watch it once in a blue moon. Campus cable
doesn't carry TNN, PPV, or any channel that shows Hardcore. Now if I
get to watch it more often, I have no doubt that I would give them some
good awards.

I guess that's all I gotta say.

Questions, comments, concerns, and quotes, etc. Email me
thebigcalbowski@yahoo.com


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