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Coffee Is For Closers

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

I just found out that a guy who works in my office reads the Closer. You know how I found out? Because he sent me a Motivational Platitude for today. Actually, this is an anti-platitude, uttered by that old softie Moe as he coached a softball team on The Simpsons:

Gene Keady's Giant Head Is Rated TV-14

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

Technology has enhanced my college basketball viewing experience in many ways this season. There's the flat-screen TV that makes the players look like human beings instead of fuzzy blobs. There's the satellite package that brings arcane channels full of small-conference basketball beyond the city limits, and there's DVRs to tape the games I have to miss, and the high definition networks that sharpen the images to amazing levels.

The Big East Barbeque

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

I live in ACC country, and people here are used to hearing six or seven familiar team names called on Selection Sunday. But this year, the conference is top-heavy, with North Carolina and Duke on a level far above challengers Clemson and Miami. With the latter team winning today, those four teams may be all the ACC gets.

Mt. St. Mary's Can Dance, But No Touching!

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

At STF we have a real soft spot for teams that haven't made the NCAA dance before. Especially a school like Sacred Heart, which totally sounds like it could have won the 1942 Championship with a crew-cut whitewash. But alas, the Pioneers have yet to achieve that pinnacle, and after losing to Mount St. Mary's last night, they won't be able to do it again this year. Which is too bad, because we totally get a kick out of seeing SH coach Dave Bike stalking the sidelines looking for all the world like Family Guy's Peter Griffin.

Oral For Everyone!!!!

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

When Oral Roberts beat IUPUI 71-64, they made a lot of people happy. And some of them even went to the school. Our fearless leader has demanded Oral for the Deadspin Pants Party, and he will get it. And this isn't some one-sided affair, either. There is reciprocity. The ORU women's team pounded IUPUI in their conference final, making sure everyone goes home happy tonight.

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

You probably already know that the motto of this site is "Sports News without Access, Favor, or Discretion." This credo is generally understood to mean that the site will look at sports from the viewpoint of a fan, rather than that of a jaded VIP. I tacitly accepted that motto as my own when I signed on to write for Will. But today I must confess: I still have no favor or discretion, but I did have, briefly, Access.

The Freshman Fifteen

When this season began just four short months ago, all we heard was freshman-this, and freshman-that. Freshmen were supposed to carry several teams to the promised land. Some of them actually have performed at a level that justified the hype. Others started strong and then faded a bit down the stretch. Yet a third batch flew beneath our radar for one reason or another. The following list tracks fifteen freshmen and their places on that continuum.

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

As basketball fans watch the bubble report every season, two names seem to come up with alarming frequency: the Maryland Terrapins and the Syracuse Orange. As we were batting those names around over at STF, we came up with the radical theory that perhaps the difference between the two teams is razor-thin. In fact, they are living parallel lives.

It's Looking A Bit Overcast In Philadelphia

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

Philadelphia sports fans are very used to failure at this point. Going 25 years between championships tends to do that to a fan. Still, the college basketball scene in the City of Brotherly Love, home to the historic Big 5, has managed to remain somewhat successful over the years. While none of five have reached the Final Four since Nova's miracle run in 1985 (Historians claim this to be the last remnant of a championship to reach the greater Philadelphia area), Saint Joseph's, Nova and Temple have all reached the Elite Eight in the past decade.

Brook Lopez Is The Real Mr. Big

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

My wife dragged me to see Cirque du Soliel this weekend, so maybe I'm still a little confused by the fact that I actually kind of liked it. But is it wise for Brook Lopez to say what he's really thinking while talking to Sports Illustrated?

In a recent Pop Culture Grid segment, the clean-cut and more offensively polished Lopez brother spilled his guts, confessing that his favorite HBO series was Sex and the City, and comparing himself to a lazy cartoon bear. In addition, when asked which singer he'd most like to be a roadie for, Lopez came up with.... Michael Jackson. I'm not going to delve into the subtext of that choice, other than to say that he redeemed himself pretty well by also choosing Jessica Simpson as his Ultimate Red Carpet Date.

Golf Clap For #800

Georgetown-Marquette Eventually Reaches Exciting Conclusion

The Madness Begins Tonight

Emmeneck'er? I Hardly Know Her!

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

So, ESPN The Magazine has released their list of Academic All-Americans, and it looks something like this:

First Team
• D.J. Augustin, Texas, 3.64, Education
• Adam Emmenecker, Drake, 3.97, Business and Finance
• Justin Hare, Belmont, 3.87, Exercise Science (Pre-Medicine)
• Jack Leasure, Coastal Carolina, 3.82, History
• Brett Winkelman, North Dakota State, 3.84, Industrial Engineering and Management

Bruce Pearl Is Still No. 1 In Our Search Engines

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

Any of you who run your own blog know the joy of "search terms." While comments tell you what your regular readers think about your content, search terms show you what freaky, random internet strangers might find valuable in your accumulated pages of pseudo-journalism.

College Coaches Are Straight Pimpin'

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

If you've watched much college basketball this season, you may have noticed that some... creative sartorial choices are being made by collegiate coaches. We know about Sidney Lowe's red blazer, which seems to have been superseded by Bruce Pearl's orange one. We've seen Rick Pitino wear a white "76 Trombones" suit for one half, only to ditch it and return in the regular dark and sexy look. And let us not forget Bob Huggins, living up to his "Huggy Bear" nickname, by sporting the gold tones all the way down to his loafers.

Delirious About La Salle? Lemme Know

The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor.

The anonymous billionaire who runs STF was fortunate enough to meet n' greet A.J. "The Balls" Daulerio at the Philly stop of the Deadspin Book Tour this past week. Among the tidbits he learned about the 'stache of record, we discovered that Balls is a LaSalle man. For those of you not really watching the A-10 standings, there is an aroma of cheesesteak at the top of the league, with St. Joe's just behind Xavier at 8-4, and Temple and LaSalle holding steady at 7-5. The Explorers are on a four-game win streak at the right time of the season.