QUICK QUOTE: WWF 12.25 (+ 1.31, last year: 14, two years ago: 23 1/16)
TONIGHT: You get NOTHING! Not even an INKLING of what's to come! However, if you didn't buy the pay-per-view, here's a look at the two locker rooms reacting to the finish. What *I* want to know is how Big Show got that choice seat in the front row when he STARTED in this match - also how rude can he be to block the view for all the people behind him? ("Hey! Down in front! AWW C'MON")
THIS WEEK'S TNG CAPSULE REVIEW: I could make the obvious joke about "The Outrageous Okona" and the fact that somebody thought it would be clever casting to use Joe Piscopo as the Funniest Comic In The Known Universe but that's not MY WAY, PEOPLE - *instead* I'll remark on Teri Hatcher as the transporter chief of the week. I mean, I don't even trust her with the RADIO SHACK CRAP she tries to convince Howie Long (and us) she not only knows how to use, but uses regularly...so you can understand why I'm not exactly buying that she has the wherewithall to run a FREAKIN' TRANSPORTER. At this point, I have to stop and remind everyone that Teri Hatcher was born in my current hometown of Sunnyvale, California...which has no bearing on anything, but trivial knowledge makes the nation dumber, so I do what I can. Oh yeah, the episode SUCKED.
TV-14-DLV - "The World Wrestling Federation - for over fifty years, the revolutionary force in sports entertainment!" - CC - this is the series of WWF logos that opened up last night's PPV
And THIS is the Special Video Look that immediately followed on last night's PPV, complete with an encore airing of "The End is Here (Armageddon)"
Earlier Today, Air McMahon landed at the airport in Charlotte...where Mick Foley was waiting. Apparently, he'd been summoned to meet Vince here, where they could pre-tape a segment and avoid live television...well, they didn't SAY that, but I'm sure that's what they want you and I to think. Fortunately for us, the WWF cameras were allowed in the meeting...
Inside the jet, Vince is being cool and eating fruit. And Mick is watching! "Mmm. Mmm mmm, mmm. 'sgood!" "No, no. Vince, I - I don't want any fruit from you; as a matter of fact I don't want anything from you, except maybe...maybe, I want you to name a chair on this corporate jet after me. After all, it's guys like me with my blood and my sweat who paid for this bad boy, right? So maybe, you could be sitting on the Cactus Jack couch, or - or the Mankind chair. How's that sound, Vince?" "That's a hell of an idea! I like that! Umm, how 'bout - how 'bout the Dude Love toilet? Hahahahaha - I like that!" "Hahahaha - that's indicative of why you are who you are, Vince. A billionaire! Your own corporate jet, the pioneer of sports entertainment. You know how I think you should be remembered, Vince? Your greatest accomplishment - the fact that you, singlehandedly, took a guy who loves this company, who'd do anything for 'em, risked his life defended this company, you were able to take that guy and you made him no longer care - and I'm talkin' about me, Vince. You up on your philosophers? A little Plato for ya, how 'bout this - power should be confined to those who are not in love with it. Does that hit home for you, Vince? That hit home, you know what that means, it means I'm not gonna stick around and wait for the WWF to fall on its ass because of you - it means that I no longer wanna be your WWF Commissioner. It means, Vince McMahon, that I resign." "...you resign." "I resign." "You can't resign, Mick." "Why can't I resign, Vince?" "'cause, Mick Foley, you are--" "WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT - wait wait wait - are you gonna try to fire me? Would that make you feel good inside, would that make you feel like a big man, well I'll tell you what, Vince, go ahead and fire me, you know why? Because the outcome is exactly the same - the outcome is, when I step foot off this plane and my foot touches that ground, I no longer work for the WWF. I no longer answer to you. It means, Vince, that you and me are through for good, and that's not a bad thing - (smile) - it's a good thing. So give it to me, Vince, fire me! If it'll make you feel good inside..." "Take care, Mick. Good luck....and have a nice day." Vince continues to eat fruit.
PYRO TEKNIKA - we are LIVE and transmitido en espanol from Charlotte, NC and the Colesium - as well as WWF New York - it's 19.11.1 and the World Wrestling Federation is alive and well. Jim Ross is all alone, but he's got a feeling it won't be like that for long...
BILLIONAIRE VINCE pumps his way to the ring and pumps his fists (do your hands like this) in the air. "Oh yeah, despite Mick Foley's resignation, tonight is a night for CELEBRATION! Because the World Wrestling Federation survived the Survivor Series. And with that in mind, we owe one man a debt of gratitutde perhaps we will never be able to repay. The one man who, more than any other, showed his true colours. The one man who, more than any other, deserves your accolades, deserves your applause here tonight. And that one man...is Kurt Angle! Because of Kurt Angle, the Alliance is dead. Because of Kurt Angle, ECW is dead. Because of Kurt Angle, Dubya See Dubya is dead. The only remnant of WCW that still exists is the championship that's wrapped around the Rock's waist. And from this night forward, will no longer be known as the WCW title; no, it's simply known as the world championship. Yes, not only are we making changes in titles here - tonight, there's gonna be lots of dramatic, drastic changes that take place right here tonight. One of those changes will be, right here in this ring, the first member you will witness who will join the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass club. Now, maybe you've never heard of that club. It just started this morning. See, that club is simply this: I'm allowing one member of the Alliance who seeks to be employed by the WWF....that one member... ["RVD" chant] ...that one member of the Alliance who is not a champion (and by the way, the champions are already in the WWF) that one member will walk into this ring and literally kiss Mr. McMahon's ass. But speaking of the Alliance...oh...that's nothing. That's nothing than what's in store for the leader of the Alliance. The moment Stone Cold Steve Austin walks into this building tonight, I will execute my plans. Oh, it's gonna be a grand night. What? And speaking of changes, you would note there's an empty chair next to good old JR. Hello, JR!" "Hi Vince." "Well right now I'd like to address that empty chair. Just to show you that I am a benevolent individual, and not the tyrant that many people think, I would now like to invite into the ring...I would like to invite into the ring PAUL HEYMAN. Come on down, Paul. ... Paul Heyman, come on down!" "Theme Extreme" plays (huh, why's ECW on the EntertainmentTron?) and here he is - complete with WWF baseball cap. Heyman grabs the headset and crows "I got away with it!" "Paul - hey, Paul - come up here for a minute. Come here." "I'll be right back." "Come on in! You know I, uh, just for the record, I appreciate people who speak their mind." "That's me! And I can do it RIGHT THERE for you." "Yeah? And uh, and you know I remember some of the things you said about me just the other day. I'm all right with that. I'm a first amendement advocate." "Yes you are! And the best one out there." "So....exercising the benefit of my first amendment rights, I would like to inform you that...YOU'RE FIRED. Get the hell out of my ring. You're fired! Get outta my ring!" Crowd starts to sing "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" as Heyman throws down his trenchcoat and dares Vince to get him some. Vince removes HIS jacket...and Paul leaves the ring. Heyman slowly walks round...then turns back and leaps over the table at Ross! Unfortunately, he didn't think it through real well - Ross lays in several kidney punches before SECURITY marshal their forces and remove Heyman forcibly up the ramp. "Allow me to introduce you, Mr. Heyman, to your replacement. Come on down, JERRY 'THE KING' LAWLER!" One last funny facial expression from Heyman before he's removed - and Lawler wastes no time mugging at Heyman, mugging to the crowd, and generally mugging. Ross: "There is a God!" "I hope that idiot hasn't screwed up this chair so bad so that nobody can do this...but JR, it's good to be the King and the King is back. And let me say this very quickly, JR, you and I have known each other for a long time, and I say this from the bottom of my heart: it's over between me and you. You understand that? We don't see eye to eye on much...so don't - don't get started, JR. WOO HOO!" Whoops, took it all the way into the ad break and we all crash smack dab into Patrick Stewart...
The Rock takes on Stone Cold Steve Austin Saturday, 8 December at the Compaq Center..."plus all your favourite stars of the WWF and the Alliance!" Okay, the WWF and the.....WHAT now?
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: LITA (with Matt Hardy - and Let Us Take You Back to Survivor Series) v. TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL (with Let Us Take You Back to Survivor Series) - so what was Trish Stratus doing in the same locker room Matt Hardy walked out of? Perhaps the more important question is: why bother to debut Jazz, only to have her gone by the end of the night when the Alliance lost? Lawler breaks out his first "puppies" of the night. Lockup, arm wringer by Stratus - into the ropes, no, Lita ain't having that...pulls her back - they bump shoulders - Lita goes for an arm wringer but unfortunately Stratus has decided to fall to the canvas, almost wrenching Lita's arm out of its socket in the process - quite possibly the ugliest spot of 2001 on WWF television. Lita spears Stratus in return for 2. Stratus with a knee - into the ropes, head down FOREVER, Lita with a sunset flip for 2. Stratus comes back with a WOW catapult and Lita bounces off the middle rope into a rollup for 2. Scoop by Stratus...and a slam. Lita with a surprise inside cradle for 2. Clothesline. Clothesline. Into the ropes, ugly flapjack - 1, 2, kickout. Right, right, right...head to the buckle - knee, into the opposite corner, clothesline follows. Lita still in command...into the opposite corner...but runs straight into a Stratus kick. Trish to the second rope - Savage elbow MISSES. Lita going up for the moonsault...but Stratus shoves her to the floor! Matt helps her back up...but as they hug, Stratus connects with a baseball slide dropkick that busts up Matt's mouth and probably Lita's as well. Referee "Blind" Jack Doan is counting Lita out...Matt puts her back in the ring. Stratus finds her easy pickins...backslide - 1, 2, 3. (2:45) Awful, awful match.
In a locker room, what's left of the Alliance reacts to Paul's firing. Here's Vince. "Gentlemen, hey, how ya doin'? Wow, how 'bout this, the last remnants of the Alliance standing right before me. Undisputed tag team champions! Look at this, WWF European champion, yeah, Christian. Test, wins the immunity battle royal, aren't you proud of yourself." "Can't fire me!" "Yeah, you're right, I can't. And Rob van Dam - the WWF hardcore champion. You know, Rob, I asked you - I invited you to join the World Wrestling Federation some time ago and you turned me down. So since you're the hardcore champion, you must like doing things the hard way, so...not that I hold any animosity or any grudges against any of you guys, I don't want you to think that...but tonight, you, RVD - you will participate in a handicap tag team tables match...that's Rob van Dam against the Dudley Boyz." Bubba Ray: "You want us to fight each other?" "Exactly, and your match is...next." D-Von: "Are you serious?" "Very. Deadly serious. Next. You better get to it! You're next, Rob." "All right." Test follows van Dam out. "Limber up, kid!" Christian is left alone with Vince. "Vince? Sorry - Mr. McMahon, ah - I just wanna tell you how proud I am to be the European champion and what an honour it is to be working with you again." He offers the Hand of Friendship - Vince looks at it. "Get out of my sight."
Dag, yo! The Boot of the Week is brought to you by Lugz! It's Jeff Hardy, the DUMBEST MAN ALIVE, opting to take a dive off the top of the STEEL cage rather than unify the tag team title belts.
We take a look outside the arena - where's Stone Cold? Not here
POINTS TO SELF (with RAW is brought to you by Gundam, Xbox, and Lugz!) v. DUDLEY BOYZ (with Stacy Dudley) in a handicap table match - 'pon hearing that Stacy is single, Lawler says it couldn't work out - "too much of an age difference - I wish she were younger." Bubba Ray offers a Hand of Friendship to van Dam, which he takes - then D-Von punks him out from behind. Right, doubleteam, into the ropes, two heads down - van Dam goes back to back over the top, ducks a double clothesline and hits a springboard crossbody on both. Kick for D-Von, kick for Bubba Ray, kick, ducks D-Von and they collide, kick for D-Von - slam - off the ropes, Rolling Thunder...but Bubba Ray turns it around with a Bubbabomb. Head to the buckle by Bubba Ray - open-handed slap, right, another big slap, right, whip into the opposite corner is reversed into two kicks by van Dam, into the corner, head to the gut, again, superfluous backflip...but Bubba Ray escapes - and D-Von is waiting to forearm him in the ribs as he jumps to the second rope. SUPER HANGMAN'S NECKBREAKER off the second rope by D-Von! Wow. Bubba Ray is out for a table - a longish look at Ross before putting the table in. Lugz Replay of the neckbreaker. Two tables in - one in the corner, one stood up. van Dam dragged to his feet - put into the ropes for a 3D, but van Dam hooks the ropes and hangs on. D-Von lunges - and goes over the top to the floor. Bubba Ray eats a spinning heel kick. van Dam takes the table out of the corner and stands IT up - they're on opposite corners now. Kick to Bubba Ray, kick, rolls out and grabs a chair on his way back in. Here Bubba, catch this please - Bubba DOES catch it and swings - van Dam ducks - there's the van Daminator. D-Von back in with a forearm to the back as the crowd chants "RVD" - right, van Dam goes behind - swing but D-Von ducks - wants a Slop Drop but van Dam goes up and over - kick, kick, kick and D-Von lands on a table. van Dam vaults to a corner - he probably should have picked the close corner, as his Fivestar frog splash 3/4 across the ring not only MISSES when D-Von moves away...but van Dam ends up breaking the table, seemingly, with only his jaw. Bubba Ray back in and back to his feet - D-Von pulls van Dam into 3D (Dudley Death Drop) which DOESN'T break the table...I guess too MUCH of his body made contact to break the table. Undaunted, they try again - this time, 3D *does* break the table, and we have a winner. (4:27) Here's your replay - D-Von manages to shield us from seeing anything but it doesn't look as bad as I thought - and here's the 3D for the win.
Kurt Angle arrives, feeling pretty good about himself. A stagehand greets him. "Hey Kurt, how ya doin'?" "How'm I doin'? I'm the man who singlehandedly saved the World Wrestling Federation! I'm the one fully responsible for you...and the entire company still havin' jobs! How'm I doing? I'm doin' freakin' great! By the way, can you tell me where I can find the Rock?" "Yeah...down that hallway and to the left." "Thank you. 'How'm I doin'...' Dork."
Did you know that Chris Jericho singlehandedly programmed the ENTIRE PlayStation 2 "SmackDown! Just Bring It" game for THQ? Well, maybe this ad is embellishing things a bit.
And here's a Nintendo Gamecube ad with...Edge and Chavo Guerrero, Jr. in it? Anyway, this turns into a "Super Smash Brothers Melee" ad - at www.smashsweeps.com you can win a trip to WWF New York to play Super Smash Brothers Melee with Test, or something. People, it's all about PRODUCT PLACEMENT
Speaking of which, here's a look at Times Square - and WWF New York!
LINDA McMAHON is doing a meet and greet inside. 'cause if there's one thing CEOs do great, it's chat in the corporate-themed restaurant with dining customers!
Meanwhile, Angle's found Rock. "Well?" "Well what?" "Uh...don't you have something to say to me?" "...like what." "Like, 'thank you, Kurt' for starts? Ahh - 'thank you for savin' my job?' 'Thank you for savin' the day?' 'Thank you for keepin' the WWF in business?' I mean, you did your little part gettin' the pinfall but HELLO - guy who made it happen - that'd be me." "Let the Rock make one thing perfectly clear to you. The Rock didn't want, ask for or need your help. The Rock would've beaten Stone Cold Steve Austin on his own; besides, at what point did you decide not to let the Rock or anyone else in the WWF in on your little plan with Vince McMahon, when was that?" "Well, Mr. McMahon said--" "(baby voice)'Well Mr. McMahon said, Mr. McMahon said, Mawmawmememamama... (trails off)' Well the Rock says, for one month - one long month, you went undercover in the Alliance? For one month, you bashed the WWF - the Rock's WWF teammates in the head with chairs - you bashed the Rock in the head with chairs for one month - LIED, all so you could have your selfish, big moment." "Uhhh - YEAH. I mean, boo hoo! So I dented your head a little bit. Don't you think it was worth it? Come on, Rock!" Rock smiles. "You know what, Kurt? It was well worth it." "Thank you." "It was well worth it - bashing the WWF in the head with chairs - bashing the Rock in the head with chairs - beatin' up on the Rock for one month, just to save the company, well worth it. To save the company - beatin' up on the Rock - well now that the company's saved...why don't you try and beat up on the Rock tonight." "Wait a minute...you're challengin' ME to a match?" Angle looks back at the belt. "For your title." Nod. "You know Rock, I didn't think I'd be saying this to you today, but thank YOU. See now that I *did* save the company, I'll have no problem beatin' you up...just for fun." Angle goes to leave... "Whoa! Don't leave yet. Rock's not done. The Rock has one more thing to say to you. You may have a lot of people fooled - A LOT of people fooled. Gullible, milk-drinking, saving the day Kurt Angle. (zoom way in) The Rock will never trust Vince McMahon, and the Rock can look in your eyes...and now he can never trust you. You're not saviour, Kurt Angle...you're an asshole."
We look outside again - a car pulls up...but it's not Austin, it's Shane and Stephanie. "I can't believe we had to drive ourselves, Shane. Why do you think Dad wants us here in the first place?" "I don't know - let's go." "Do you think maybe he's gonna give us our jobs back?" "Let's go."
Take a look at the WWF.com homepage - try to ponder what they could POSSIBLY mean other than blatantly misspelling "sole" when the headline says "VINCE IS THE SOUL SURVIVOR" - maybe it means he gives to Christian charity? Who can say? Anyway, you can still pay for streaming video at survivorseries.com - sucker
Take a look at the exterior of the Charlotte Colesium!
BILLIONAIRE VINCE is again in the ring when we return. "Well, we've got a lot of business to conduct here tonight - already conducted some - much more to come. And since it looks like we're gonna have a world championship match right here in this ring, Kurt Angle versus the Rock tonight...I'd like to continue with some other business. Unfortunately, Stone Cold is not here as of yet - but I couldn't help but notice who just arrived. So, therefore, I would like to uh...request that my son and my daughter, Shane and Stephanie McMahon come to the ring at this moment. No music, no fanfare, Shane, Steph, come on out." Arm in arm, here they be. "Let's here it for SHANE & STEPHANIE McMAHON!" Crowd works up a "slut" chant. "I can't tell you how proud I am as a father to hear a jam-packed arena shout the chant of 'slut' to my daughter!" Wow, they're not bleeping ANYTHING tonight. "That makes me SO proud! What has happened to us? What has happened to our family? Well before I give the two of you a piece of my mind, I'll give you an opportunity to speak yours first - and Shane, we'll start with you." "...congratulations. You won. And I lost. And I lost to the better man." And with that, Shane walks out and leaves. Hey, did you see the "Scott Keith Rules" sign? See, I KNOW Scott - and I think I can definitively say that he DOESN'T rule! No, REALLY! Ask around. "All right...Stephanie." "Dad...let me start off by saying, Daddy - Daddy? That I've made some really really bad mistakes. I have, but I'm young. I'm naive! But dad, the biggest mistake I made was listening to MY BROTHER (Shane). This whole Alliance thing was Shane's idea! Shane bought the WCW, Shane had me buy ECW, Shane wanted to run you and the WWF out of business, Dad, it was all Shane! And Dad, Shane is the one who had me slap Mom. You saw it...Shane grabbed Mom and said 'slap her! Hit her!' I didn't know what else to do, I did it and it was another big, horrible mistake. And Dad...when I told you that I wanted you to die? That was all Shane's idea, too - Shane told me to tell you that I wanted you to die, I don't want you to die, Daddy, I LOVE you. I would never want to hurt you ever, NEVER! As a matter of fact, the only thing that Shane said that was not a mistake was what he just said In This Very Ring - you are the better man, Dad. Daddy, you are a GENIUS. I mean, Daddy, you had the Alliance snowed all along - you knew you were doing the whole time.....I guess, the only thing I really have left to say ...is that I'm sorry. I'm really so sorry, Daddy. ...sorry." "Slut!" "Security...get this woman--" Steph drops to her knees and clutches Vince's leg. "Get this woman outta my ring!" "No Daddy, Daddy, no no! No no no no!" and so on. "No Chance in Hell" plays for the hundredth time. "Wait, wait...say goodbye to Daddy's Little Girl!"
UP NEXT: The Rock vs. Kurt Angle for the world championship!
WWF Shop Zone Dot Com ad Escalate YOUR Business
Vince is talking to ME on his cel phone - see, I was confused about this Kiss My Ass Club thing, so I called him up in the middle of the show and asked him to explain it to me. (I mean, didn't you WONDER who was on the other end?) "I mean it - I mean it literally. Someone from the Alliance who wants a job with the World Wrestling Federation will be in the ring with me, tonight, that's right, and will literally kiss my ass. Well if they want a job, that's what's gonna happen. Hang--" Chris Jericho is in. "Hang on a second. I'll call you back." I heard you wanted to see me, Vince?" "Yeah." "Yeah, what about." "Can you give me one logical reason why you took the risk of perhaps putting the World Wrestling Federation out of existence at Survivor Series by attacking the Rock?" "Well to be honest with you, Vince, I guess - I guess my ego got the best of me. Yeah, so, if you wanna hear this then I apologise. If that's what you wanna hear, then I'm sorry, okay?" "Yeah, great." Jericho goes to leave...but Vince pulls him back. "But..the apology must be sincere, and I can feel the vibes here. I know you really sincerely apologise and...just for the record...I don't like guys with big egos. Now if you have a MASSIVE ego, I'm all right with that. Which is why tonight, we're gonna take your massive ego, we're gonna put it in the ring. Tonight, Jericho goes one on one...with Kane."
Another look outside - IS HE ohhh no not yet.
MR. T in the front row! Didn't he main event WrestleMania? Lawler calls him "Booker's dad" - hmm, that's the first time we've heard about Booker T all night! How SAD!
THE ROCK (with RAW credits & transmitido en espanol SAP - and Lugz presents WWF VEN GEA NCE 9 December!) v. KURT ANGLE (with TV-14-DLV & CC boxes) for the world championship - No graphic for this renamed title yet. Staredown. Rock is saying something but we can't hear it. Angle hauls off and SLAPS him one (ooh!) and we're on. Right by Angle! Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Hmm, Angle seems pissed. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Angle helps him up - right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed (aw, he was doing so WELL, too), Rock with a clothesline, right, Samoan Drop, mount, seven rights. Angle shoves him off - Rock with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," whip is reversed, head down, Rock kicks him. Rock runs at him...and Angle steps aside, putting him over the top rope to the floor! Angle recovers...then goes out after Rock, putting him back in. "Rock E!" Angle with a death suplex - Rock making it more obvious than normal that he's protecting his head by putting his hand back there. 1, no. Angle grabs an ankle - Rock rolls through and kicks Angle away...but then walks into a belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Angle back in control - stomp. Stomp. Second rope choke - knee on the back of the neck to accentuate it. Looping right. Right. "Angle sux" chant. Right. Angle is stunned at the crowd. Rock back up! Right, right, right, Angle ducks - German suplex on Rock! Holding on for a second! And there's a third! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no! Stomp. Stomp. Mount, right, right, right, right, right, right. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner tries to get Angle back to the legal side of things - but Angle ain't having it. Scoop..and a slam. Going up for the moonsault (!) but Rock is up and crotching him. Rock climbs after him - DEATH SUPERPLEX! Both men are down and the count is on - Hebner stops at 5 for no good reason. Both men up at the same time - Rock with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, right, into the ropes is reversed and Angle hits a short clothesline - but Rock nips right up! Right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT, into the ropes, pulled back into a gutshot - whip is reversed back, and Rock hits the belly-to-belly throw - gutshot, DDT, 1, 2, Angle kicks out. Angle goes to the eyes. Right, right, right, right, right, off the ropes...but Rock catches him with the spinebuster. Rock dares Angle to get up - ROCK B-- no, Angle is out - gutshot - OLYMPIC SLAM!! Angle celebrates, DOWN COME THE STRAPS and there it is - the ANGLELOCK! But Rock rolls through, grabs both knees and sits on the shoulders - 1, 2, 3!! (6:08) Angle ain't happy - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Stomp. Right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed back into ROCK BOTTOM! Here's CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO with a forearm in the back - Jericho punching away on a defenseless Rock. Now laying in the boots - off the ropes with an elbowdrop - Angle shoves Jericho aside and again applies the Anglelock while Jericho adds the badmouth and the boots to the head. Mike Chioda hits the ring to help pull Angle away. Jericho slaps Rock in the head - and again. Angle's music plays. Jericho goes ahead and puts on the Walls of Jericho just for fun. Chioda is back in to help Hebner pull Jericho off of Rock. Jericho looks back...smiles...and then returns to put the Walls of Jericho on AGAIN! Hebner finally grabs Jericho's hair to get him to release the hold. Play Jericho's music! "I'M the hero, Rocky! I'M the hero!" Replay of Rock's rollup for the pin - and Angle's post-match hijinx leading to Rock Bottom...and Jericho. Rock STILL hasn't gotten back up...
Just how many copies of Wrenchead's Pro Manager software d'ya actually think they sell by buying ad time during RAW? Too deep for me, fans!
The WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you by Sony's PlayStation 2! From Survivor Series, Test uses the Wotsitolla Boot to eliminate Billy Gunn and win the Immunity Battle Royal - just as well, 'cause if Billy had won, then the Alliance would have had to have won the Winner Taker All match (think about it)!
Once again, we return to a ring containing BILLIONAIRE VINCE while "No Chance in Hell" plays... "All right...get your cameras ready. This is gonna be a Kodak moment. Again, I'm still awaiting the arrival of Stone Cold Steve Austin; however, to bide my time, perhaps now would be a time to find out just whom I have selected from the Alliance to give employment - to find out just whom I have selected to join the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club! So, with that in mind, please welcome......WILLIAM REGAL." Regal slowly ambles down the ramp. "Come along, Mr. Regal, chop chop, come on, chop chop, we don't have all night. Let's get this over with. I assume, Mr. Regal, that you've been practicing puckering in the locker room area. And you are here to seek employment, you are here to kiss Mr. McMahon's ass, right?" "Would you like me to make the ring, or fix the lighting, I can carry your bags for you, fetch your coffee or something...what do you want?" "No no no, you don't understand. I meant it when I said if you want to be employed by the World Wrestling Federation, you must kiss my ass. Here." "You don't literally mean I've got to kiss your bottom in front of all these people." "That's EXACTLY what I mean! Do you want a JOB or not? Yes...or no 'cause if you don't want it, there's a whole line of Alliance guys back there willing to kiss my ass. So what is it, Regal, yes...or no?" What, are all the Alliance guys just following them around from arena to arena in a MYSTERY MACHINE solving crimes or something? "You don't have to." "...yes." "Yes, good, so let's get to it, shall we?" Vince removes his jacket. "First of all, let me take my jacket off. JR, you'll - you and the King will have to pardon me for a minute. Now you may want to get on this side because it wouldn't be proper to be on that side. You may want to, uh, kinda get down here...*on your knees* - right over here, right there, that's a good spot, right there. Go ahead. It won't hurt. It doesn't hurt." Regal takes a knee. "All right then...pucker up..." Vince sticks it out. "Oh wait, wait, wait, it gets better than that." Vince undoes his belt. "You do wanna be employed, don't you? So uh..." Vince drops trou - that's it, I'm outta here. "Go ahead - go ahead, kiss my ass. Come on. Pucker up - oh no no no, it gets better than that." Vince pulls down his trunks, revealing a half moon - Lawler's voice reaches an octave that'd make a dogs say "Damn, I can't hear him anymore." "Go ahead! It's a nice looking ass! And watch, I can even make my ass do tricks, watch this." Vince...flexes. "Go ahead - kiss my ass! Oh wait a minute, wait a minute...I'm not about to let anybody kiss my ass who has chapped lips." Vince proffers Chapstick. "Put it on." Regal reacts just about as your imagination might have you expect. "Put it on, let's get this over with!" Balm applied, Regal makes a look like he's - he's been smelling...your torso. "All right, now dammit, kiss - my - ass." Regal puckers - Vince hits the Coppertone pose - Regal finally quickly makes contact to the delight of the crowd - and Lawler finds ANOTHER octave. Play "No Chance in Hell!" Here's your replay, complete with Lawler-provided sound effect. Vince makes another show out of putting his belt back on.
Kane! Kane! is - walking! Kane!
Experience the WWF live! Tomorrow night, Fayetteville! Friday, Daytona Beach! Saturday, Philly! Sunday, Tulsa! Monday is OKC for RAW! And Tuesday is Wichita!
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - this time, Lawler substitutes a razzberry for the smoochy noise.
Backstage, everybody laughs at Regal - who doesn't take it well. "What are you bloody looking at, do you think it's funny? Do you bloody think it's funny as well?" There's Tazz. "What - do you have something to say sunshine? Have you got something - d'you want to bloody mock me or something? You think it's funny? You'd have done the bloody same." "What a kissass." Regal throws a left forearm and puts him down. A few more lefts and a swift kick meet Tazz as Regal walks off.
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight) v. KANE - and to think, this feud started all over a spilled cup of coffee! What? No? Oh. Jericho, having experienced Kane's shtick before, cannily strikes as the turnbuckle pyro goes off and Kane is distracted - right, right, right, knee, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Kane with a half backdrop (no flip, letting him land facefirst), clothesline, double choke - into the corner, right, back elbow, right, wow that turnbuckle flashpot is STILL on fire, into the opposite corner - Jericho gets two boots up - ducks a swing - Kane scoops him on his shoulder - but Jericho lands feet first on the apron and improvises a reverse stun gun to put him down. From the floor, Jericho with the forearm across the chest - and another. Did you see the pyro guy squelch the turnbuckle? Jericho back in - catapult across the bottom rope. Looks like Jericho's limping. Right, right, right, right is blocked - Kane right, right, into the ropes, head down, Jericho with a swinging (kinda) neckbreaker. Forearm, forearm, off the ropes, a better neckbreaker. Off the ropes, Lionsault...but Kane catches Jericho in a choke when he lands on him! Somehow, referee "Blind" Teddy Long ends up admiring a butterfly alighting on a faraway tree branch, allowing Jericho's trick knee the chance to act up with impunity. Jericho with the "bulldog" - and now limping out to grab a chair. Back in - Kane manages a big boot before he can swing it. Right hand by Kane, right, uppercut, whip into the corner and follow clothesline. Back to the first corner - scooped up - powerslammed down. Kane going up to the top rope...but Jericho's found the chair again - WHACK. That'll do ya. (DQ 3:06) WHACK in the back! And now Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho - steps over - and trips. Oops. If at first you don't succeed - now Jericho falls flat on his face - Jericho settles for a traditional Boston crab instead. Kane (sorta) taps (like that'll help. Long doesn't have much luck getting the hold broken. Is Kane bleeding, or is that the red part of the mask? Play Jericho's music! Jericho clutches his right quad (oh oh). Jericho decides to go ahead and try one more time for the Walls - still can't get it right, but E for effort. Play his music again! Here's your replays - WHACK and crab.
Tomorrow, Creed's CD is available! Until then, here's an extra long Special Video Look at WWF Desire, set to "My Sacrifice." I've said it before and I'll say it again: the recapper's very best friend is the Special Video Look. FUHFUHWID
Kurt Angle is WALKING! He appears to still be unhappy. "It's not fair! I mean I had the Rock beat! I mean would it kill one person to show some freakin' appreciation around here? Wait a minute! Just perfect." It's Edge - I had just called him up on his cel phone and now I'm getting the blowoff! "I'll call you back." YOU STINKIN' LIAR YOU *NEVER* CALL BACK "Hey Edge! Don't you have something to say to me? I mean, I recall you saying last week that my true colour was yellow? I bet you someone's feeling pretty foolish right now, aren't they? Well you know what - how 'bout a thank you - a thank you for saving your job for starters?" "Hey Kurt - a little news flash. Ya see these two titles? Two more than you have? They signify me saving my OWN job. And to quote a popular song, I think I know you - and I think you put yourself in a no-lose situation. I mean, I know you're in with Vince McMahon, but who's to say you aren't playing both sides? If you win for the Alliance, you're a hero and you've saved your job. Hey, if you get beat, you just come back and save the day - once again you're a hero. Well Kurt, I DO know you, and I know you did what you did for one person and one person only: Kurt Angle." "This is freakin' GREAT."
Outside again we look - HEY IS THAT STONE no
We look again at the WWF.com page - OHHHHH I GET IT Vince must be a HUGE Billy Preston fan! Soul Survivor, see?
YOU CAN CALL HIM WILLIAM CHAPSTICK (with Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight) v. TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ - Regal lets loose with the fists of fire as Tazz hits the ring - in the corner, Tazz fires back - kick, kick, kick, reverse, rights and lefts, reverse, rights by Tazz - into the opposite corner, Tazz with a clothesline - Ross says Tazz has been retained as a broadcaster - well, there you go. The remainder of this match takes place in a thick, peasoup fog of Tazz' pyro. I'm making the foghorn bellow here and it's very entertaining. THE TAZZMISSION - THE KATI HAJIME - oh wait Regal's shoved Tazz into the turnbuckle, again, again - Regal collapses - now back up - knee - and there's the Regal Stretch. Tazz gives it a good ten seconds before tapping out to the London Fog. (0:53) Regal decides to just leave the hold on forever. Referee "Blind" Tim White puts all his weight into trying to unclamp Regal...and finally succeeds.
Angle's a little down in the dumps as Vince pays his locker room a visit. "Kurt...Kurt." "Yeah." "What's the matter?" "Well I got beat by the Rock - I had him beat! Not only that, but not one person in the WWF has shown me ANY appreciation for what I did, not one thank you except for you. I mean, I'm hurt!" "Well then, you know what? Allow me to show you my appreciation. How would you like to be the World Wrestling Federation champion?" "You're kidding." "No." "I'd be honoured!" "Well if that's the case, why don't you take a walk with me out to the ring." "All right!" "Let's go."
WWF Home Video spotlights this month's releases - "Hardy Boyz: Leap of Faith" and "WWF Unforgiven!" Get 'em at Best Buy!
"SmackDown! Just Bring It" ad
KURT ANGLE & BILLIONAIRE VINCE walk out to Angle's music - Vince carries the WWF Championship belt over his shoulder. Apparently, after clocking Austin with that very same belt, Angle kinda walked off with it after Survivor Series ended - which is how it got back to Vince...and, apparently, will soon get back to Angle. "I would just like to say, on behalf of every World Wrestling Federation fan in this arena, I would like to say, I would like to say to Kurt Angle...thank you! No no, let me repeat that. On behalf of EVERY person in this arena, thank you, Kurt Angle!" Crowd boos louder. "Kurt Angle is an Olympic Hero, he's an American Hero, he's a WWF Hero and by God, like it or not, he's YOUR hero! And since Stone Cold Steve Austin has chosen to be typical Stone Cold, and that is...don't show up the night after you're defeated. Exactly. 'What?' As far as I'm concerned, wherever Stone Cold is, he can stay there, because we need a World Wrestling Federation champion - we need a champion with dignity! We need a champion with class. We need a champion with credibility. We need Kurt Angle as the World Wrestling Federation champion. I was hoping Austin would be here so that I would have the distinct honour of stripping him of the World Wrestling Federation championship....in the absence of that, Kurt, allow me, as the sole owner of the World Wrestling Federation, allow me to--" but some music we haven't heard in almost eight months - on a different show - is playing. You may know it's called "Also Sprach Zarathustra" - you may not - but you *definitely* know it as the music of THE MAN. He's back. Ric Flair pauses to strut at the top of the ramp before walking the rest of the way. His hair is shorter than ever - and gosh, he's looking OLDER than ever, too, I'm sad to say. But, damn, his suit looks more expensive than Vince's at least - just as it should be. "Oh I almost forgot - and you know, that's pretty typical because you're almost forgotten, but this *is* your hometown, isn't it, Ric Flair? Well, Mr. Flair--" "Why don't you listen to the CROWD and tell me if this is my hometown or not?" "That's all right, this is your hometown, Charlotte, North Carolina, that's great. But this is my ring, and you're standing in it, and I want an explanation." "The explanation that I'm gonna give you all revolves around the fact that I bet on a WINNER last night - woooo!" "What the hell are you talking about?" "I said home - woooo! - on the big side of town in that big house and I bet - on - a - WINNER last night, but Kurt Angle, let me just say this to you: you're a man that's got an Olympic Gold Medal, you've got a legacy, you're an ambassador - this is no way you wanna win the world title. Be Kurt Angle, be the Gold Medal Winner, and be a man that wins by bein' the best man." "So you came down here 'cause it's your hometown to give us your opinion, how nice, Mr. Flair. Nice to see you, now goodbye." "You want - you want me to just cut to the quick right away - I bet on a winner last night, and do you know that when Shane and Stephanie sold their stock to that consortium...that the consortium, woooo!" Flair removes his jacket and starts running the ropes - or strutting the ropes - or skipping. "Woooo! The consortium was ME, and now you and I are now limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin', wheelin' dealin' son of a guns! You know why? Because we're PARTNERS." Big hug! "Yeah, the Nature Boy and Vince McMahon - partners. Woooo!" STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN's music has started and here he be. Angle grabs the mic from Flair. "Hold on a second, hold on a second, Austin....Austin, hold on. Hold on a sceond, if anyone understands what I did last night, it's you--" Clothesline! Austin mounts Angle - seven punches, ten stomps, right - Vince pulls him off, so Austin barrels HIM down and punches away. Stomp, stomp, stomp stomp. Austin hears his watch talking to him - it says go back to pummeling McMahon. McMahon is tossed outside, where Angle collects him...they back up the ramp. Austin turns to Flair, who has the WWF title belt over HIS shoulder - staredown - Austin draws nearer...finally, Austin takes the belt off Flair's shoulder and puts it on his own. Flair's face develops into a grin. Austin gets a few beers - two for himself...and one for Flair. TOAST! Ross: "OH! MY! GOD!" Raw Zone credits are up - are we're out.
I'll be away from the computer for Thanksgiving - and Kim and I are going to the prom after that, so don't look for another report from me until next Wednesday or so.