BREAKING: THE FIVE BRACKETOLOGISTS YOU MEET IN YOUR OFFICE

by Amir Blumenfeld

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You know all of these guys. They take your money every year.

As you begin dutifully filling out your bracket for your office pool today, beware of these five types of bracketologists. Oh, and if you can't think of anyone in the office that fits one of these descriptions … it's you.

1) Overus-Analaticus
He comes into work with a manilla folder overflowing with cheat sheets and can tell you every team's RPI and offensive and defensive efficiency. Every year he thinks he's chosen the perfect bracket. Every year he's wrong.
Famous Quotes:
"I've got teams in my sweet sixteen you've never even heard of."
"13 over 4 is the new 12 over 5—bank on it."
"Who fills out brackets AFTER selection Sunday? That's practically cheating."

2) Safe-Pickia Non-Riskitus
Why pick upsets when they are so hard to predict? Slow and steady wins the race! At least until the #1 seeds start getting picked off.
Famous Quotes:
"Hey, I pick upsets. Look at this 9 over 8 right here!"
"Well excuse me for trusting the Tournament Committee's rankings."
"For the final score tiebreaker I'm just going to enter in a tie."

3) Homer-Maximus
Why pick with your brain when you can pick with your heart! And unless you're office pool is filled with people who went to UNC, you want this person in your pool.
Famous Quotes:
"Did you guys see the play-in game? We got robbed."
"We're still number one in my heart."
"Anyone down for an NIT pool?"

4) Buy-in Bummia
His picks are solid. He's good for that $20. He's going to win, anyway. He doesn't. Then you don't see him at work for the next few weeks.
Famous Quotes:
"I forgot to hit up the ATM, sorry."
"You sure I didn't pay you already?"
"I'm moving to Russia."

5) Guesstimatus-Randomia
He's never really watched college basketball, but he does have three minutes to spare, so he'll fill out a bracket based on which schools sound familiar. Also, he usually takes home the grand prize.
Famous Quotes:
"Oh they won? Did I have them?"
"Who's the Blue team?"
"Just leave my winnings on my desk."

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