A Hard Day's Night

1.	EXTERIOR  STREETS OUTSIDE RAILWAY TERMINAL  DAY

	The film opens with crowds of girls, shot in a sequence of CLOSE-UPS, 
	chasing after GEORGE, JOHN and RINGO. The boys hare off just ahead of 
	them. They take a turn down a back alley way and the crowds of 
	screaming girls are after them.  

2.	EXT. TERMINAL

	They rush on through the narrow cobbled passageway and into the main 
	station, quickly show their tickets at the barrier for the London 
	train, and get onto the platform as hordes of yelling and screaming 
	girls reach the closed gates.

3.	EXT. TERMINAL PLATFORM

	We see the fans rushing to the few platform ticket machines, and 
	endless pennies being dropped and tickets torn out in their haste to 
	get onto the platform to see the boys.

	NORM has been waiting for the boys and he hurries them to where all 
	their baggage, instruments and the drums are waiting, piled up to be 
	put into the guards' van. The boys turn and see the oncoming stream of 
	girls pushing through the barriers and descending on them with yells 
	and shouts. They grab their instruments, RINGO makes for the drums. 
	NORM plugs into a handy transformer and using their instruments like a 
	gun volley to stop the onrush of females, the boys blast fire into a 
	number and start to sing. This stops the girls in their tracks and they 
	settle down on whatever they can to listen to them playing.

	As the boys are playing, we CUT BACK into the crowds. In the centre we 
	see PAUL struggling and pulling to fight his way through the girls to 
	join the other boys. He is dragging a very reluctant old man behind 
	him. The old man seems most disgruntled and we can see by his gestures 
	how unwilling he is to be pulled and pushed forward through all the 
	girls.

	At last PAUL reaches the other boys. He sits the old man down on a pile 
	of cases and joins in the number to the squeals of delight from the 
	fans. The old man sits aloof and proud ignoring the whole proceedings. 
	JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO look enquiringly at PAUL who gives a 
	noncommittal shrug of the shoulders as if to say, "it's not my fault" 
	and the number proceeds.

	SHOT of sudden horror on JOHN's face. PAUL follows his eye line only to 
	see the old man has doffed his cap and is busily collecting money from 
	a disconcerted crowd. PAUL dives hastily into the crowd, and with 
	suitable apologies extracts the old man and with a long suffering sigh 
	drags him back to the group. GEORGE and PAUL hold him firmly as they 
	finish the number, the old man standing there between them.

	As the number finishes and the girls scream and shout with delight, the 
	guard blows his whistle. NORM and SHAKE grab the instruments and the 
	drums, and with the rest piles the lot into the guards' van. The BOYS 
	head into their reserved compartment pursued by the fans but the train 
	moves off. They have successfully repelled all extra boarders.

	THE BOYS stand and wave to the fans until out of sight line ... the 
	girls running along to the end of the platform waving and calling out.

4.	INTERIOR  RESERVED COMPARTMENT IN THE TRAIN

	The boys relax, sitting down on one side of the compartment. They are 
	about to settle down and make themselves at home when first RINGO 
	nudges GEORGE who in turn nudges JOHN. Opposite them is sitting the 
	LITTLE OLD MAN. He is holding himself stiff, erect and very aloof.

	The three boys look at him enquiringly but with an elaborate sniff he 
	looks away from them and out of the window.

	PAUL catches his eye and winks at the LITTLE OLD MAN. He winks back at 
	PAUL, scowls at the other three then looks firmly out of the window 
	again. 

	The boys turn on PAUL crowding around him.

				JOHN 
		Eh ... pardon me for asking but who's that 
		little old man?

				PAUL 	
		What little old man?

				JOHN 
			(pointing) 
		That little old man.

				PAUL 
		Oh, that one. That's me Grandfather.

				GEORGE 
		That's not your Grandfather.

				PAUL 
		It is, y'know.

				GEORGE 
		But your Grandfather lives in your house. I've 
		seen him.

				PAUL 
		Oh, that's me other Grandfather, but this one's 
		me Grandfather and all.

				JOHN 
		How d'you reckon that one out?

				PAUL 
		Well ... everyone's entitled to two, aren't 
		they, and this is me other one.

				JOHN 
			(long suffering) 
		Well we know that but what's he doing here?

				PAUL 
		Well, me mother thought the trip 'ud do him 
		good.

				RINGO 
		How's that?

				PAUL 
		Oh ... he's nursing a broken heart.

	The lads all look intently at the GRANDFATHER.

				JOHN 
		Aah ... the poor old thing.

	He leans across to GRANDFATHER.

				JOHN 
		Eh, Mister... are you nursing a broken heart 
		then?

	The GRANDFATHER nods soulfully glares at him, in a way that indicates 
	yes.

				PAUL 
			(whispering) 
		You see, he was going to get married but she 
		threw him over for a butcher.

				GEORGE 
		A butcher?

				PAUL 
		Yeah, she was fickle.

				JOHN 
		Aye and fond of fresh meat and all.

				PAUL 
			(seriously) 
		No ... it was his sweetbreads. She was dead 
		kinky for sweetbreads. Anyroad, me mother 
		thought it'ud give him a change of scenery, 
		like.

				JOHN 
		Oh, I see.

	He inspects GRANDFATHER carefully.

				JOHN 
			(to PAUL) 
		Eh, he's a nice old man, isn't he?

				PAUL 
		Oh yeah, he's very clean, y'know.

	They all agree with PAUL.

	JOHN has been examining GRANDFATHER. He now leans forward to him.

				JOHN 
			(in an over-friendly voice) 
		Hello, Grandfather!

				GRANDFATHER 
		Hello.

				JOHN 
			(delightedly) 
		He can talk then?

				PAUL 
			(indignantly) 
		Course he can talk. He's a human being, like. 
		Isn't he?

				RINGO 
			(grinning) 
		Well ... if he's your Grandfather, who knows?

	The lads all laugh.

				JOHN 
		And we're looking after him, are we?

				GRANDFATHER 
		I'll look after meself.

				PAUL 
		Aye, that's what I'm afraid of!

				JOHN 
		He's got you worried, then?

				PAUL 
		Him, he costs you a fortune in breach of 
		promise cases. He's a villain and a right mixer 
		as well.

				GEORGE 
			(disbelieving) 
		Gerron.

				PAUL 
		No, straight up.

				GRANDFATHER 
		The lad's given you the simple truth. I'm 
		cursed wid irresistible charm, I'm too 
		attractive to be let loose.

	At this moment, SHAKE, a tall man who works with the BOYS, pulls open 
	the door of the compartment.

				SHAKE 
		You got on all right then?

				BOYS
		Hi, Shake.

				SHAKE 
		We're here. Norm'll be along in a mo' with the 
		tickets.

	He sees GRANDFATHER. 

				SHAKE 
		Morning! 
			(whispers)
		Who's that little old man?

				GEORGE 
		It's Paul's grandfather.

				SHAKE 
		Oh aye, but I thought ...

				JOHN 
			(cutting in) 
		No, that's his other one.

				SHAKE 
		That's all right then.

				JOHN 
			(displaying Grandfather) 
		Clean though, isn't he?

				SHAKE 
		Oh yes, he's clean all right.

	NORM the road manager appears behind SHAKE.

				NORM 
		Morning, lads.

				BOYS 
		Morning ... Hi, Norm.

				NORM 
			(checking them quickly) 
		Well, thank God you're all got here. Now, 
		listen, I've had this marvellous idea ...
		now just for a change, let's all behave like 
		ordinary responsible citizens. Let's not cause 
		any trouble, pull any strokes or do anything 
		I'm going to be sorry for, especially 
		tomorrow at the television theatre, 
		because ...

	He looks sharply at JOHN who is polishing his nails.

				NORM 
		Are you listening to me, Lennon?

				JOHN 
			(off-hand) 
		You're a swine, isn't he George?

				GEORGE 
			(disinterested) 
		Yeah ... a swine.

				NORM 
			(just as indifferent) 
		Thanks...

	He sees the GRANDFATHER. 

				NORM 
		Eh ... .

				BOYS IN CHORUS 
		... Who's that little old man?

				NORM 
		Well, who is he?

				RINGO 
		He belongs to Paul.

				NORM 
			(accepting the situation) 
		Ah well, there you go. Look, I'm going down the 
		diner for a cup of coffee, are you coming?

				PAUL 
		We'll follow you down.

	GRANDFATHER rises.

				GRANDFATHER 
		I want me coffee.

				NORM 
		He can come with Shake and me if you like.

				PAUL 
		Well, look after him. I don't want to find 
		you've lost him.

				NORM 
		Don't be cheeky, I'll bind him to me with 
		promises. Come on, Grandad.

	GRANDFATHER joins SHAKE and NORM.

				NORM 
			(over Grandfather's head) 
		He's very clean, isn't he?

	SHAKE and NORM collect GRANDFATHER and are in the process of leaving 
	the compartment when a fat upper class city Englishman, JOHNSON, 
	attempts to enter. There is a bit of confusion and they get tangled up 
	with each other.

				JOHNSON 
		Make up your minds, will you!

	At last SHAKE, NORM and GRANDFATHER sort themselves out and JOHNSON 
	enters with his case. The other three go to coffee. 

	JOHNSON puts his case up on the luggage rack, then sits down. All his 
	movements are disgruntled ... he finally picks up his copy of the 
	Financial Times and burying himself behind it, starts to read. After a 
	moment he looks up, notices the compartment window is open. He gets up 
	and without so much as a "by your leave" he closes it, glares at the 
	BOYS and sits down again. 

	The boys exchange looks as if to say ... "Hello, Saucy!!"

				PAUL 
			(politely) 
		Do you mind if we have it opened?

				JOHNSON 
			(briefly) 
		Yes, I do.

				JOHN 
		Yeah, but there are four of us, like, and we'd 
		like it open, if it's all the same to you, that 
		is.

				JOHNSON 
			(rudely) 
		Well, it isn't. I travel on this train 
		regularly twice a week, so I suppose I've some 
		rights.

				RINGO 
		Aye, well, so have we.

	He disappears behind his paper before the BOYS can say another word. 

	RINGO pulls a face at the raised paper and switches on his portable 
	radio. A pop number is playing.

	JOHNSON puts down his paper firmly.

				JOHNSON 
		And we'll have that thing off as well, thank 
		you.

				RINGO 
		But I ...

	JOHNSON leans over and switches it off.

				JOHNSON 
		An elementary knowledge of the Railway Acts 
		would tell you I'm perfectly within my rights.

	He smiles frostily.

				PAUL 
		Yeah, but we want to hear it and there's more 
		of us than you. We're a community, like, a 
		majority vote. Up the workers and all that 
		stuff!

				JOHNSON 
		Then I suggest you take that damned thing into 
		the corridor or some other part of the train
		where you obviously belong.

				JOHN 
			(leaning forward to him) 
		Gie's a kiss!

				PAUL 
		Shurrup! Look, Mister, we've paid for our seats 
		too, you know.

				JOHNSON 
		I travel on this train regularly, twice a week.

				JOHN 
		Knock it off, Paul, y' can't win with his sort. 
		After all, it's his train, isn't it, Mister?

				JOHNSON 
		And don't you take that tone with me, young 
		man!

				GEORGE 
		But...

				JOHNSON 
			(accusingly) 
		I fought the war for your sort.

				RINGO 
		Bet you're sorry you won!

				JOHNSON 
		I'll call the guard!

				PAUL 
		Aye ... but what? They don't take kindly to 
		insults you know. Ah, come on, you lot. Let's 
		get a cup of coffee and leave Toby the manger.

	The boys troop out of the door into the corridor. JOHNSON smiles 
	triumphantly. He is about to settle down to his paper when there is a 
	tap on the corridor window. He looks up and we see pressed against the 
	window a collection of hideous Beatle faces.

				PAUL 
		Eh, Mister ... can we have our ball back!

	The man jumps to his feet.


5.	INTERIOR  OF THE CORRIDOR

	The boys run away like a pack of school boys and disappear round the
	corner. 


6.	INTERIOR OF THE TRAIN CORRIDOR 

	From the P.O.V. of the door leading to the restaurant car.

	The boys come down the corridor in full flight, laughing away like 
	happy idiots. GEORGE and PAUL pull open the sliding doors. The boys 
	look inside.

7.	INTERIOR  RESTAURANT CAR 

	From their P.O.V. we see the car is half empty and at a table in the 
	centre SHAKE and NORM and GRANDFATHER are sitting. On the table is a 
	pile of photos of the boys. NORM and SHAKE are arguing. NORM is being 
	very aggressive, much to SHAKE's discomfort.

				NORM 
		Yeah, you want to watch it.

				SHAKE 
			(unhappily) 
		It's not my fault.

				NORM 
		Well, you stick to that story, son.

				SHAKE 
		I can't help it, I'm just taller than you.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(To NORM slyly) 
		They always say that.

				NORM 
		Yeah, well I got me eye on you.

				SHAKE 
		I'm sorry Norm, but I can't help being taller 
		than you.

				NORM 
		Well, you don't have to rub me nose in it. I've 
		a good mind to ... 
			(he is about to thump SHAKE.)

				JOHN 
			(enjoying himself) 
		If you're going to have a barney I'll hold 
		your coats.

				NORM 
		He started it.

				SHAKE 
		No, I didn't you did ...

				GEORGE 
		Well, what happened?

				SHAKE 
		The old fella wanted these pictures and Norm 
		said he couldn't have 'em, all I said was 
		'aw go on, be big about it.'

				PAUL 
		And?

				NORM 
		Your Grandfather pointed out Shake was always 
		being taller than me just to spite me.

				PAUL 
		I knew it, he started it, I should have known.

				NORM 
		Y'what?

				PAUL 
		You two have never had a quarrel in your life 
		and in two minutes flat he's got you at it. 
		He's a king mixer. Adam and Eve, meet the 
		serpent. Anthony and Cleopatra, there's your 
		asp. Divide and Conquer, that's this one's
		motto. He hates group unity so he gets 
		everyone at it.

	The BOYS, i.e., JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO, look at each other then at 
	PAUL.

				PAUL 
		Aye and we'll have to watch it and all.

				GEORGE 
		I suggest you just give him the photos and have 
		done with it.

				NORM 
		You're right. Here you are, old devil. 

	SHAKE and NORM leave. GRANDFATHER grins triumphantly and collects them, 
	then with a sweet smile he turns to PAUL.

				GRANDFATHER 
		Would you ever sign this one for us, Pauly?

	PAUL does so automatically but in the middle of signing he gets 
	suspicious. GRANDFATHER smiles at him charmingly so PAUL finishes 
	signing.

				JOHN 
		Come on let's get this coffee.

				GRANDFATHER 
		Before you go, I think it's only fair to warn 
		you about me Grandson ... don't let our Paul 
		have his own way all the time, 'cos if you do 
		he won't respect you!

	JOHN, RINGO and GEORGE take this up straight away. They all pretend to 
	be girls, RINGO jumps into PAUL's arms.

				GEORGE 
			(coyly) 
		Oh, Paul, you can't have your own way!!!

				JOHN 
			(invitingly, in a Marlene Dietrich
			voice) 
		If I let you have your own way, you little 
		rascal, will you respect me?

				PAUL 
			(choked) 
		I'll murder you, Grandfather!

	JOHN waltzes PAUL down to an empty table and the lads sit down.

				GEORGE 
		Eh, look at that talent.

	They all gaze across the aisle. From their P.O.V. we see two very 
	attractive young girls, RITA and JEAN, having coffee.

				JOHN 
		Give 'em a pull.

				PAUL 
		Shall I?

				GEORGE 
		Aye, but don't rush. None of your five bar gate 
		jumps and over sort of stuff.

				PAUL 
		Now what's that supposed to mean?

				GEORGE 
			(grinning) 
		I don't really know, but it sounded 
		distinguished, like, didn't it?

				JOHN 
		George Harrison, The Scouse of Distinction.

	We follow PAUL as he crosses over to the two girls. He places a bowler 
	on his head.

				PAUL 
			(in posh accent) 
		Excuse me, but these young men I'm sitting with 
		wondered if two of us could join you; I'd ask 
		you meself only I'm shy.

	The two girls giggle together.

	JOHN and GEORGE are about to move over when GRANDFATHER suddenly 
	appears by their sides.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(sternly) 
		I'm sorry, miss, but you mustn't fraternise 
		with my prisoners.

				JEAN
		Prisoners!!

				GRANDFATHER 
		Convicts in transit to Wormwood Scrubs. Typical 
		old lags, the lot of 'em.

				THE BOYS
		Y'what!!!

				GRANDFATHER 
		Quiet, you lot, or I'll give you a touch of me 
		truncheon. 
			(He points at Ringo)
		That little one's the worst. If we don't keep 
		him on tablets he has fits.

				RINGO 
			(protesting) 
		Now look here!!

	GRANDFATHER grabs two lumps of sugar from the table and forces them 
	into RINGO'S mouth.

				GRANDFATHER 
		Get out while you can, ladies, his time's 
		coming round for one of his turns.

	The frightened girls scurry out of the restaurant car. The boys look in 
	amazement and horror at GRANDFATHER. They are completely flabbergasted. 
	GRANDFATHER smiles at them benignly.
 

8.	INTERIOR OF RAILWAY COMPARTMENT

	SHAKE and NORM are seated. SHAKE is buried in a science fiction book. 

	NORM looks at his watch, slightly worried.

				NORM 
		He's been gone a long time.

				SHAKE 
			(without looking up) 
		Who?

				NORM 
		Paul's grandfather.

				SHAKE 
		Oh, I didn't notice, where'd he go?

				NORM 
		Down the ... er ...

				SHAKE 
		Oh, down the ... er ...?

				NORM 
		Yeah, down the ... er ...

				SHAKE 
		Well, give a couple of minutes ...

	He resumes reading. But NORM goes on worrying.

9.	INTERIOR OF ANOTHER RAILWAY COMPARTMENT

	Grandfather is in full flight of conversation with a charming elderly 
	lady, AUDREY, who is listening intently.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(proudly) 
		Yes, I'm their manager, I discovered them.

				LADY AUDREY 
		Did you indeed, Mr. McCartney?

				GRANDFATHER 
		Now, Audrey, I told you, the name's John. We 
		show biz people are a friendly lot.

				AUDREY 
		Of course, John.

				GRANDFATHER 
		Yes, they were playing the queues outside the 
		picture palaces of Liverpool. Scruffy young 
		lads, lacking even the price of a jam roll. 
		Orphans, every Paddy's son of 'em. I saw 
		their potential at once although I had me 
		doubts about the little fella, a savage 
		primitive, that Ringo, but it was him what 
		gave in first. He picked up a brick and 
		heaved it at me and I quelled him wid one 
		fierce flash of me eyes. "Mister, can you 
		spare us a copper?" he said. I was disarmed by 
		the grubby little outstretched mauler ... So, I 
		took them under me managerial banner.

				AUDREY 
		The usual ten per cent?

				GRANDFATHER
		Oh, not at all, I let them have twenty-five;
		sure aren't there four of them?

				AUDREY 
			(her eyes lighting up)
		How fascinating. Do go on ... 
			(pause)
		... John.

				GRANDFATHER 
		... Oh, I'm all heart, Ma'am, all heart ... 
		Well, I let ...

10.	INTERIOR CORRIDOR OF TRAIN

	NORM and SHAKE meet with the BOYS as they are returning from coffee.

				NORM 
		Eh, have you got Paul's grandfather?

				JOHN 
		Of course, he's concealed about me person.

				NORM 
		No ... he's must have slipped off somewhere.

				PAUL 
			(accusingly) 
		Have you lost him?

				NORM 
		Don't exaggerate.

				PAUL 
		You've lost him.

				SHAKE 
		Put it this way, he's mislaid him.

				PAUL 
		You can't trust you with anything, Norm, if 
		you've lost him, I'll cripple you.

				SHAKE 
		He can't be far.

				JOHN 
		I hope he fell off.

				PAUL 
			(mildly) 
		Don't be callous.

				RINGO 
		He doesn't like me, honest, I can tell ... It's 
		'cos I'm little.

				GEORGE 
		You've got an inferiority complex, you have.

				RINGO 
		Yeah, I know, that's why I took up the drums. 
		It's me active compensatory factor.

	JOHN and PAUL run down the corridor. SHAKE and NORM turn from the door 
	and go in the opposite direction, GEORGE and RINGO follow after the 
	other two boys.

11.	INTERIOR  CORRIDOR OF TRAIN

	PAUL and JOHN look into various compartments. CLOSE SHOT of RINGO 
	looking into compartments in the manner of Groucho Marx. In one of the 
	compartments we see from RINGO'S P.O.V. the occupant, a glamorous 
	woman, TANIA, with a small lap dog.

	She is beautifully and most expensively dressed. She looks up and sees 
	RINGO. 

	RINGO smiles at her and she smiles back. She then beckons him to join
	her. 

	He looks around to see if she means someone else. She nods a negative.
	RINGO looks back enquiringly then points at himself as if to say: "Who, 
	me?" 

	TANIA smiles enthusiastically. 

	GEORGE has been watching all this.

				GEORGE 
		Are you going in?

				RINGO 
		No, she'll only reject me in the end and I'll 
		be frustrated.

				GEORGE 
		You never know, you might be lucky this time.

				RINGO 
		No, I know the psychological pattern and it 
		plays hell with me drum skins.

	He blows the glamorous lady a kiss, then moves sadly on.

12.	INTERIOR  FURTHER DOWN THE CORRIDOR

	PAUL enters a compartment followed by JOHN. The TWO GIRLS, RITA and 
	JEAN, from the restaurant car are sitting there.

				PAUL 
		Excuse me but have you seen that little old 
		man we were with?

	The girls jump up, surprised.

				JOHN 
		We've broken out, oh, the blessed freedom of it 
		all! 
			(he extends his hands 
			as if handcuffed) 
		Eh, have you got a nail file, these handcuffs 
		are killing me. I was framed. I was innocent.

				PAUL 
		Will you stop it! Sorry to disturb you, miss...

	He starts to drag JOHN after him.

				JOHN 
		I was innocent. I was framed. I won't go back.

	JOHN is now by the door; he leers at the girls horribly.

				JOHN
		I bet you can guess what I was in for.

	He cackles like a maniac before disappearing, the door closing after 
	him.

	A waiter carrying a tray with champagne and glasses on it passes into 
	one of the compartments with the blinds down.

				PAUL 
		How about that one?

	He moves towards the compartment.

				PAUL 
			(to Ringo and George)
		Did you look in here?

				GEORGE 
		No. I mean, it's probably a honeymoon couple or 
		a company director or something.

				PAUL 
		Well, let's broaden our outlook.

	PAUL opens the door of the compartment.

13.	INTERIOR OF COMPARTMENT

	From the BOYS' P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER and the elderly lady, AUDREY, 
	sipping champagne and nibbling caviar on toast.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(looking up)
		Congratulate me, boys, I'm engaged.

	PAUL enters and crosses over to him.

				PAUL 
		Oh no, you're not. You've gone too far this 
		time ... and who's paying for all this?

				GRANDFATHER 
		It's all taken care of. It's down on our bill.

				PAUL 
		Oh, well that's all right.
			(realising) 
		What?

				AUDREY 
		Young man, kindly moderate your tone when you 
		address my fiance.

				PAUL 
		I'm sorry, Missus, but the betrothal's off. 
			(He grabs GRANDFATHER
			by the arm.) 
		I'll refuse me consent, he's over-age!

	AUDREY grabs GRANDFATHER's other arm and pulls back.

				AUDREY 
		Leave him alone, after all he's done for you is 
		this the way you repay him?

	A tug of war now starts between PAUL and AUDREY.

				PAUL 
			(pulling) 
		Him? he's never done anything for anybody in 
		his life.

				AUDREY 
			(pulling) 
		You dare to say that when even those ridiculous 
		clothes you are wearing were bought when you 
		forced him to sell out his gilt edged 
		Indomitables!!

	JOHN and GEORGE jump on the seat egging PAUL and AUDREY on.

				JOHN 
		Come on, Auntie, you're winning.

				GEORGE 
		Get in there, Paul, she's weakening.

	RINGO attempts to interfere.

				RINGO 
		Look, Missus, this is all a misunderstanding, 
		you see, he's ...

				AUDREY 
		Keep away from me, you depraved lout, I know 
		all about your terrible past.

				RINGO 
		Y'what?

	She hits RINGO with her handbag and continues struggling with PAUL for 
	GRANDFATHER. RINGO grabs her handbag to stop her hitting him.

				RINGO 
		He's given me a bad character, blackguarding me 
		name to all and sundry. He's got to be stopped. 
		It's not fair.

	RINGO pushes out into the corridor, forgetting that he is holding the 
	woman's handbag. 

	A voice shouts off from outside.

				VOICE OFF
		That's one of them ... stop thief!

14.	INTERIOR  CORRIDOR

	From Ringo's P.O.V. we see down to the right the city man, JOHNSON, 
	approaching with a GUARD. RINGO turns the other way to the left when he 
	is joined by [the] three other boys. From their P.O.V. down the 
	corridor we see the two girls, autograph books in hand, followed by ten 
	girls from the same school.

	Both groups are closing in on the BOYS. There's no escape.

				RINGO 
			(looking down at the 
			handbag in his hand)
		Oh Mother!!

15.	INTERIOR  LUGGAGE VAN

	Very dark, and behind bars we see GRANDFATHER. He is sitting crouched 
	up on a wooden box tea chest and looks pretty miserable. He turns 
	towards the CAMERA; in the foreground of the SHOT we see PAUL standing. 
	In the background an impassive GUARD is reading a paper which he does 
	throughout the scene.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(bitterly) 
		And to think me own grandson would have let 
		them put me behind bars!

				PAUL 
		Don't dramatise.

	The CAMERA PULLS BACK and we see GRANDFATHER in the luggage compartment 
	of the guards' van. In with him are a crate of chickens and a dog. The 
	chickens peck at him; GRANDFATHER moves listlessly away.

				PAUL 
		Let's face it, you're lucky to be here. If 
		they'd have had their way you'd have been 
		dropped off at Stafford already.

	GRANDFATHER proudly turns away from PAUL who dodges round so he can 
	still see his face.

				PAUL 
		Well, you've got to admit you've upset a lot of 
		people. At least I can keep my eye on you while 
		you're stuck in here.

	GRANDFATHER turns away again.

				PAUL 
		All right, how about Ringo? I mean ... he's 
		very upset, you know ... and as far as your 
		girlfriend, little Audrey's concerned, she's 
		finished with men for the rest of her natural, 
		and another thing ...

				GRANDFATHER 
		A harmless bit of fun, aah, none of you have 
		any sense of humour left these days.

				PAUL 
		Oh, it's all right for you but those two girls 
		were scared to death! Honest, Grandad, why? I 
		mean, why do you do these things?

				GRANDFATHER 
			(cutting in) 
		You're left-handed, aren't you, Paul?

				PAUL 
		Yeah ... so what?

				GRANDFATHER 
		Why do you always use your left hand?

				PAUL 
		Well, don't be daft, I've got to.

				GRANDFATHER 
		And I take a left-handed view of life, I've got 
		to.

	PAUL grins. After a moment of looking at him, PAUL opens the door of 
	the luggage compartment and joins GRANDFATHER on a box.

				PAUL 
		Shove up!

	GRANDFATHER produces a penny.

				GRANDFATHER 
		Odds or evens?

	PAUL sighs.

				PAUL 
		Odds.

	GRANDFATHER flips the coin.

	The guards' van door opens and JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO come in, with 
	them are the girls, RITA and JEAN.

				JOHN 
			(as he sees PAUL behind the bars) 
		Don't worry, son, we'll get you the best 
		lawyer trading stamps can buy.

				PAUL 
		Oh, it's a laugh a line with Lennon. 
			(to Ringo) 
		Anyroad up ... It's all your fault.

				RINGO 
		Me? Why?

				GEORGE
		Bag-snatcher.

				GRANDFATHER
		That's right; convict without trial ... Habeas 
		corpus.

				JOHN
			(casually)
		Every morning.

	JOHN has been looking around the guards' van.

				JOHN 
		Gaw, it's depressing in here, isn't it? 
		Funny... 
			(he pats the dog) 
		'cos they usually reckon dogs more than people 
		in England, don't they? You'd expect something 
		a little more palatial.
			(he shudders) 
		Come on. Let's have a little action. Let's do 
		something, then.

				PAUL 
		Like what?

				JOHN 
		Well, I've got me gob stopper.
			(he produces his mouth organ.) 
		Look, a genuine Stradivarius, hand tooled at 
		Dagenham. 

	And to RINGO's beat on a tea chest they are off, PAUL and GEORGE 
	improvising other sounds, much to the GIRLS' delight. During the 
	number, GRANDFATHER quietly lets the latch off the chicken crate and 
	chickens begin to wander through the scene.

16.	EXTERIOR  TRAIN IN MOTION FROM ABOVE (NIGHT)

	While the number is progressing, the train is getting nearer and nearer 
	to London.

17.	EXTERIOR  PLATFORM TERMINUS (NIGHT)

	SHOTS of the station full of GIRLS waiting for the BOYS.

18.	INTERIOR  GUARDS VAN

	By the time the number finishes the train pulls up with a sharp halt 
	that sends them all sprawling, BOYS and GIRLS.

	NORM enters the guards' van.  

				NORM
		Don't move, any of you. They've gone potty out 
		there. The whole place is surging with girls.

				JOHN 
		Please, can I have one to surge with? 

				NORM 
		No.

				JOHN 
		Ah, go on, you swine.

				NORM 
		No, you can't. Look, as soon as I tell you, run 
		through this door here and into the big car 
		that's waiting.

	He points and we see a big car parked across the road. 

	The BOYS prepare to depart, lining up with GRANDFATHER at the door.

19.	EXTERIOR  PLATFORM TERMINUS 

	Just as they are ready to go, a line of taxis draws up parallel to the 
	train and now separates them from the big car waiting for them.

				NORM 
		Oh no!

	GRANDFATHER pushes past the BOYS, holding his coat closed.

				GRANDFATHER 
		All right, lads, follow me.

	And before NORM can stop him, he darts out of the door, PAUL after him. 
	The fans further down the platform see PAUL and charge forward ... in a 
	panic NORM and the others follow, JOHN just having time to kiss both 
	the girls.

				JOHN 
		Vive l'amour!

	NORM drags him away.

20.	EXTERIOR  RAILWAY STATION

	The BOYS manage to follow GRANDFATHER by leaping onto a motorized 
	luggage carrier, GEORGE driving and the other three posing as a frozen 
	tableau on the back. GRANDFATHER has arrived at a taxi door. He flings 
	it open and runs through, opening the other door, thus making a safe 
	bridge to the car.

	The BOYS follow and manage to make it to the big car safely. They run 
	towards grandfather's taxi. The FANS have followed the BOYS and we see 
	streams of GIRLS piling through all the taxis one of which contains 
	JOHNSON the city man, opening and shutting the doors to get through, 
	much to the indignation of the TAXI DRIVERS.

21.	INTERIOR  BIG CAR

	NORM is sitting in front with the driver, FRANK. The four BOYS and 
	GRANDFATHER are squashed together in the back.

				NORM 
			(to the driver) 
		Go like the clappers, son!

				FRANK
			(smoothly) 
		That was my entire intention, sir.

22.	EXTERIOR  STATION

	The car moves off surrounded by the FANS; from a height we see them 
	converge on the car but it moves forcefully out of the station and off. 

	It moves into the traffic in the main road and the journey to the hotel 
	begins.

23.	INTERIOR  HOTEL SUITE  NIGHT
 
	There is a reception room and off it lead rooms that are presumably 
	bedrooms, bathroom, etc. JOHN is lying sprawled out on a settee 
	listening to a transistor radio, demolishing a basket of fruit. PAUL is 
	sitting at an upright piano and GRANDFATHER is mooching about the room. 
	One of the doors opens and GEORGE enters followed by RINGO, none of the 
	BOYS are wearing coats. 
 
				RINGO 
		I don't snore. 
 
				GEORGE 
		You do - repeatedly. 
 
				RINGO 
			(to John) 
		Do I snore? 
 
				JOHN 
			(eating a banana) 
		You're a window rattler, son. 
 
				RINGO 
		Well, that's just your opinion. Do I snore, 
		Paul? 
 
				PAUL 
			(stopping playing) 
		With a trombone hooter like yours it'd be 
		unnatural if you didn't. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Don't mock the afflicted, Pauly. 
 
				PAUL 
		Oh for Pete's sake, It's only a joke. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Well, it may be a joke, but it's his nose. He 
		can't help having a horrible great nose, it's 
		the only one he's got. And his poor little 
		head's trembling under the weight of it. 
 
	NORM enters with three piles of fan mail and places them in front of 
	JOHN on a table. RINGO is almost in tears, examining his nose in a 
	mirror. 
 
				NORM 
		Paul, John, George - get at it. 
 
				JOHN 
		Hello the income tax have caught up with us at 
		last. 
 
	PAUL and GEORGE gather round the low table. RINGO is left out of it. 
 
				RINGO 
		None for me, then? 
 
				NORM 
		Sorry. 
 
	John hands RINGO a single envelope. 
 
				JOHN 
		That'll keep you busy. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		It's your nose, y'see. Fans are funny that way. 
		Take a dislike to things. They'll pick on a 
		nose... 
 
				RINGO 
		You go and pick on your own. 
 
	SHAKE enters with a stack of mail about three times larger than all the 
	others put together. 
  
				JOHN 
		Is that yours? 
 
				SHAKE 
		For Ringo. 
 
	He dumps it in Ringo's arms who staggers into an armchair. The BOYS 
	send him up. 
 
				JOHN 
		That must have cost you a fortune in stamps, 
		Ringo. 
 
				GEORGE 
		He comes from a large family. 
 
				RINGO 
			(dumping the letters) 
		Well. 
 
	RINGO opens his letter and reads it. It contains a large embossed card. 
 
				RINGO 
		Eh, what's Boyd's Club?
 
	The lads gather round him and PAUL takes the card from him and reads. 
 
				PAUL 
		"The Management of Boyd's takes pleasure in 
		requesting the company of Mr. Richard Starkey, 
		that's you, in their recently refinished gaming 
		rooms. Chemin de Fer. Baccarat, Roulette, and 
		Champagne Buffet." Blimey!

				RINGO 
			(surprised) 
		And they want me?

 				JOHN 
		Oh, it's got round that you're a heavy punter. 
 
				NORM 
			(snatching the card) 
		Well you're not going. 
 
				RINGO 
		Ah. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
			(taking card from Norm)
		Quite right, invites to gambling dens full of 
		easy money and fast women, chicken sandwiches 
		and cornets of caviar, disgusting! 
 
	He pockets the card himself. 
 
				RINGO 
		That's mine. 
 
				NORM 
		Have done, and you lot get your pens out. 
 
				BOYS
		Why? 
 
				NORM 
		It's homework time for all you college 
		puddings. I want this lot 
			(he indicates the fan letters) 
		all answered tonight. 
 
	The BOYS all protest. 
 
 				NORM 
		I'll brook no denial! 
 
				JOHN 
		It's all right for you, you couldn't get a pen 
		in your foot, you swine.

				NORM 
		Come on, Shake, we'll leave 'em to their 
		penmanship.  

	He goes followed by SHAKE. 

	There is a pause and JOHN deliberately rises slowly and crosses to his 
	coat. He puts it on and walks to the door. 
  
				JOHN 
		While the swine's away the piglets can play. 
		Well, come on, what are we waiting for?
 
	With a whoop PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO collect their coats and head for 
	the door. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		What about all these letters? 
 
				BOYS
		Read 'em! 
 
	They disappear. After a moment GRANDFATHER takes out Ringo's card. 

	C.U. GRANDFATHER 

				GRANDFATHER 
		And a free champagne buffet. 

	He grins to himself. At this moment a WAITER enters with a tray. He is 
	clad in tails and GRANDFATHER eyes them longingly, measuring himself 
	the while alongside the startled waiter. He leaves us with no doubt in 
	our minds what he wants, i.e., the waiter's suit. 
 
  
24.	INTERIOR  DANCING CLUB  NIGHT
 
	The club is the latest in modern decor and full of teenagers all 
	enjoying themselves. The CAMERA wanders around the club till it finally 
	picks out JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO all crowded around one small 
	table. The music is blaring away from a juke box and the BOYS join the 
	dancers. They are recognised and given smiles and nods of encouragement 
	by all the other customers. During this scene we 

						CUT AWAY 
 
25.	INTERIOR  BOYD'S CLUB  NIGHT

	The whole atmosphere is of quiet elegance and loud wealth. Around the 
	baccarat table the rich, bored customers sit barely moving a face 
	muscle as they languidly murmur "suivez" and "banco" to the dealer as 
	he operates the shoe. The manager of the club is beaming with 
	satisfaction as he surveys his customers. One of these customers is 
	clad in evening dress and he has his back to us. The rest of the 
	players (male) are in suits. By each of them is standing a lush lady 
	with a bored sophisticated face that looks as if it has been painted 
	on. From the REVERSE of the LAST SHOT we now see the solitary evening 
	dress player is GRANDFATHER. He looks around him and wipes off his look 
	of enjoyment and elaborately out-bores everyone in the room. 
 
				DEALER 
		Alors, M'sieur? 

				GRANDFATHER 
			(nonchalant) 
		Soufl�e. 
 
	He turns to the buxom BLONDE, who is dripping over him. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		I bet you're a great swimmer. My turn? Bingo! 
 
				CROUPIER
		Pas "Bingo," M'sieur... Banco. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
			(taking) 
		I'll take the little darlings anyway. 
 
	He takes up the cards and can't understand that they are unnumbered. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Two and one is three, carry one is four. 
 
	The buxom BLONDE leans over him. 
 
				BLONDE
		Lay them down. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
			(disturbed by his eyeline) 
		Eh? 
 
				BLONDE
		Lay them down. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		We'd be thrown out. 
 
				BLONDE
		Your cards... lay them down... face up. 
 
	He does so. 
 
				CROUPIER
		Huit � la pointe... et sept.
			(He pushes chips and box to Grandfather.)

				BLONDE
		You had a lovely little pair, y'see. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		I did? 
 
	CROUPIER taps impatiently on box (shoe). 
 
				BLONDE
		They're yours. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		They are? 
 
				BLONDE
		The cards... you're bank. 
 
26.	INTERIOR  DANCING CLUB
  
	The BOYS are having a rare old time and the place is really moving. 
 
27.	INTERIOR  BOYD'S CLUB 
 
	GRANDFATHER is playing and a waiter is checking the requirements of the 
	players. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Bingo! 
 
				CROUPIER
			(wearily) 
		M'lord dit "Bingo." 
 
				WAITER 
			(to Grandfather) 
		A little light refreshment. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
			(lordly) 
		A glass of the old chablis to wash down a 
		gesture of giblets wouldn't go amiss. 
			(He resumes his game.) 
		Soufl�e, chop chop. 
 
	The CROUPIER uses the spatula to pick up a card. GRANDFATHER grabs it 
	and scoops some sandwiches off a passing tray. 
 
28.	INTERIOR  DANCING CLUB 
 
	The BOYS are at their table again laughing and enjoying themselves, 
	when suddenly their faces freeze. 

	From their P.O.V. we see NORM standing glowering down at them. With him 
	is SHAKE. Reluctantly the BOYS arise and follow NORM out. 

29.	INTERIOR  BOYD'S
 
	GRANDFATHER is looking worried at the call of the card he loses and we 
	see that all his chips have gone. He notices the waiter delivering 
	snacks and champagne to a couple, so quick as a flash, he places a 
	handkerchief over his arm and writing a bill out on a piece of paper, 
	presents it to the couple and collects payment in chips. He then 
	resumes playing. 
 
30.	INTERIOR  HOTEL ROOM

	Waiter is sitting on chair in underclothes, reading. He hears a noise, 
	says "The manager!" and hides in outer clothes closet. NORM and the 
	BOYS enter saying: 
 
				NORM 
		Now get on with it. 
 
				JOHN 
		We were going to do it. 
 
				NORM 
		Aye, well, now! 
			(He goes through bedroom.) 
 
	RINGO goes to hang up coat in closet. He does so, then crosses to rest. 
 
				RINGO 
		Any of you lot put a man in that cupboard? 
 
				ALL
		A man? No. 
 
				RINGO 
		Well somebody did. 
 
	GEORGE goes to cupboard. We see the WAITER from his P.O.V. He closes 
	door, returns to group. 
 
				GEORGE 
		He's right, y'know. 
 
				BOYS
			(disinterested) 
		Ah well, there you go. 
 
	SHAKE enters front door, goes to hang up coat and drags WAITER out. 
 
				SHAKE 
		Eh, what's all this? 
 
				PAUL 
		Oh, him... He's been lurking. 
 
				JOHN 
		Aye, he looks a right lurker. 
 
				SHAKE 
			(to WAITER) 
		You're undressed. Where are your clothes? 
 
				WAITER
		The old gentlemen borrowed them to go gambling 
		at Boyd's. 
 
				PAUL 
		No! 
 
				RINGO 
		Oh, he's gone to my club, has he? 
 
				PAUL 
			(turning on Ringo) 
		Yeah, It's all your fault, getting invites to 
		gambling clubs. He's probably in the middle of 
		an orgy by now. 
 
				JOHN 
		Well, what are we waiting for? 
 
				SHAKE 
		Aye, come on, honest, that grandfather of yours 
		is worse than any of you lot. 
 
31.	INTERIOR  BOYD'S

	GRANDFATHER is drinking champagne in locked arms with BLONDE. 
 
				WAITER 
		Encore de champagne, Monsieur? 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Yes, and I'll have some more champagne as well. 

	He takes another swig of his glass. 
 
				MANAGER 
			(beaming) 
		Lord John McCartney, he's the millionaire Irish 
		Peer, filthy rich of course. 
 
				CUSTOMER 
		Oh I don't know, looks rather clean to me. 
 
	The MANAGER comes to grandfather's side. 
 
				MANAGER 
		Play is about to resume, m'lord. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
			(handing him a chip)
		Lead me to it, I've a winning itch that only 
		success can pacify. 
 
	He takes his place at the table. The MANAGER watches for a moment then 
	moves away from the table towards the club reception desk. 
 
32.	INTERIOR  RECEPTION DESK  BOYD'S CLUB
 
	JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO, NORM and SHAKE are trying to gain entrance. 
 
				ATTENDANT
		I'm sorry sir, members and invited guests only. 
 
				PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO, JOHN 
		I've got to get in. 
		It's urgent and important. 
		I've had an invite. 
		Take me to your leader. 
 
				NORM 
		Shurrup. 
 
	The BOYS do and meanwhile the MANAGER has walked into SHOT. He 
	recognises the BOYS and welcomes them with false enthusiasm. They all 
	start to enter the main room. 
 
				NORM 
		All we want to know is have you got a little 
		old man in there? 
 
				MANAGER
			(pleasantly) 
		Do you mean Lord McCartney? 
 
	CLOSE-UP PAUL 

				PAUL
		He's at it again. Look, I'm his grandfather... 
		I mean... 
 
				BLONDE
			(standing next to Grandfather) 
		Oh, it must be the dolly floor show. 
 
				JOHN 
		Stay where you are everybody this is a raid and 
		we want him. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Who are these ruffians?... I've never seen them 
		before in my life! ... (etc.)
 
	They grab the protesting GRANDFATHER and drag him into the reception 
	area. He keeps trying to return to BLONDE and table. GEORGE and RINGO 
	each take an end of the velvet cord hanging between the two stanchions. 
	They exchange ends and re-hook it, thus encircling GRANDFATHER by the 
	entrance desk. They then go to settle up. 
 
				MANAGER 
			(with false charm) 
		Before you go, gentlemen, there's the small 
		matter of the bill. 
 
	He snaps his fingers and a waiter hands him the bill. 
 
				NORM 
			(taking it) 
		I'll settle that. 
 
	He glances at it. 
 
				NORM 
		A hundred and eighty pounds! 
 
				MANAGER
			(icily) 
		I beg your pardon, guineas. 
 
	At that moment a WAITER appears with a tray full of pound notes. 
 
				WAITER
		Your winnings, my lord, one hundred and ninety 
		pounds. 
 
	The MANAGER tears up the bill and takes the money. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		How about me change? 
 
				MANAGER
		Cloak room charge. 
 
	He hands GRANDFATHER his old mackintosh. 
 
				RINGO 
			(brightly) 
		Ah well, easy come, easy go. 

	The others glower at him.

				RINGO  
		Well.

33.	INTERIOR  BIG CAR (MOVING ON WAY TO STUDIOS)

	The BOYS have settled down.

				JOHN 
		Should I say it?

				GEORGE 
		Follow your impulse.

				RINGO 
		It'll only get you into trouble.

				JOHN 
			(to RINGO) 
		Aah, shurrup, misery!

	JOHN slouches forward.

				JOHN 
			(urgently) 
		O.K. Driver, follow that car!!

	The driver [Frank] is an urbane young man in a handsome grey uniform.

				FRANK 
			(indicating the traffic)
		Would you like to be a little more precise,
		sir?

				JOHN 
		Well, that's the wrong line for a start.

				FRANK 
		Sorry? 
			(meaning: "I beg your pardon.")

				GEORGE 
		Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he was 
		just fulfilling a lifelong ambition.

				FRANK 
		I see.

				JOHN 
		Yeah, you know, "O.K. Buster, follow that car, 
		there's a sawbuck in it for you if you get real 
		close!"

				FRANK 
		Oh, yes, now I'm with you. 
			[he changes his accent] 
		But, gee, Mister, I've got my license to think 
		of ... we're doing a hundred now ...

	The car is stopped in traffic behind a bus. JOHN gets out of car and 
	walks to the front. JOHN leans in window delightedly, he flashes his 
	wallet.

				JOHN 
		Ever seen one of these before?

				FRANK 
		Ah ... a shamus, eh?

				JOHN 
		I see you go to the night court.

				FRANK 
		I've made the scene.

				JOHN 
		Well, remember, its Leathery Magee up ahead in 
		that convertible, so cover me in the stake-out.

				GEORGE 
		I don't think that bit's right.

				JOHN 
		What do you expect from an ad lib ... Raymond 
		Chandler? 


34.	EXTERIOR  STREET

	As the big car overtakes a Company Director's Rolls. JOHN lowers his 
	window and the boys let out an imaginary hail of bullets at the 
	Executive in the back. He reacts violently and starts to shout at them. 
	As he does so, he presses the button of his window, so that we hear 
	only part of it. But what we do is unpleasant. He immediately presses 
	the button and the window rises.

	RINGO and PAUL jump out of the car. RINGO takes two drumsticks from his 
	coat pocket and, using them as banderillas, inserts them with style 
	into the radiator grill (V.O. "Ole" from the BOYS). PAUL, then, using 
	his coat as a matador's cloak, does a butterfly pass at the car which 
	has just started up, narrowly missing him, but he keeps in the matador 
	position.

35.	INTERIOR  CAR

				NORM 
		Will you all stop it, you're like a gang of 
		school kids. I knew this was going to happen 
		one day.

				JOHN 
			(as Ringo and Paul climb in) 
		Well, you shouldn't have had bacon for your
		breakfast, you cannibal.

				FRANK 
			(to Norm) 
		We're nearly there, sir.

				JOHN 
		Eh ... don't call him sir, he's got enough 
		delusions of power as it is.

	CLOSE SHOT of a long suffering NORM.

				NORM 
		And I was happy in the bakery. I'll never know 
		why I left.

36.	EXTERIOR OF AN OLD VICTORIAN MUSIC HALL THEATRE 

	Which has been converted to the T.V. studios. 

	There are a few groups of GIRL FANS standing outside the front of the 
	theatre, but against the kerb of the pavement is a night-watchman's 
	canvas hut and brazier. 

	The car approaches.

37.	INTERIOR OF THE CAR 

				NORM 
		Get ready John, open the door and as it draws 
		up, out you go and straight in. 

	JOHN nods and opens the door. The FANS start to swarm 'round them. To
	escape, the BOYS dash into the night-watchman's canvas hut, pick it up
	and run with it to the stage door, revealing the night-watchman, 
	staring in astonishment.

	At the door the BOYS put the hut down and enter the theatre.

38.	INTERIOR  STAGE DOOR ENTRANCE

	As the BOYS enter, two P.R.O. men in dark suits, stiff white collars 
	and old school ties step forward and smile menacingly.

				FIRST P.R.O. MAN 
			(menacingly) 
		Press conference, they're waiting for you.

				NORM 
			(jovially) 
		Give us a couple of shakes to get our breath.

				FIRST P.R.O. MAN 
			(more menacingly)
		They're waiting now!

	And without more ado they grab an arm each and march the protesting 
	NORM towards the stairs that lead to the dress circle.

				PAUL 
		Eh this lot means it. They're even taking 
		hostages.

	The BOYS, SHAKE and GRANDFATHER rush after the rapidly disappearing 
	NORM, who by now is half way up the stairs.

39.	INTERIOR OF DRESS CIRCLE LOUNGE BALLROOM

	It is empty except for two barmaids poised ready to serve, standing 
	behind trestle tables full of drinks and sandwiches. The dark suited 
	MEN enter with NORM and close behind them follow GRANDFATHER, SHAKE and 
	the boys. The group arrives at the centre of the lounge and have time 
	to look about and see the food but before they can get to it, from all 
	directions NEWSPAPERMEN and PHOTOGRAPHERS converge upon them.

	Now begins an elaborate tug-of-war between various PHOTOGRAPHERS using 
	their flash attachments and REPORTERS to capture a Beatle and in the 
	midst of this running battle a man with a portable recorder is trying 
	to interview them. Together and singly the BOYS are pushed about the 
	room and while this goes on a hard core of NEWSPAPERMEN are busily 
	devouring sandwiches and pouring themselves drinks, to the annoyance of 
	the BARMAIDS.

	Every time one of the BOYS attempts to get a sandwich or a drink, it is 
	either too late, the plate is empty, or they are intercepted. The 
	single and constant thing we see in the scene is the pushing and 
	pulling, heavy impersonal handling, the boys are just things to be 
	placed like still life in one advantageous position after another. 
	During the scene these individual exchanges take place:

				SOUND REPORTER 
		What's your philosophy of life?

				JOHN 
		I'm torn between Zen and I'm all right, Jack.

				REPORTER 
		Has success changed your life?

				RINGO 
		Yes.

				REPORTER 
		Do you like playing the guitar?

				GEORGE 
		Next to kissing girls it's favourites.

	PAUL is surrounded by newspapermen.

				PAUL 
		No, actually, we're just good friends.

	HIGH SHOT of the press reception and we see the BOYS ease their way out 
	until they get to the curtained entrance to the dress circle; 
	completely unnoticed, they slip through.

40.	INTERIOR  THEATRE DRESS CIRCLE

	The BOYS come up the stairs into the Dress Circle proper. GRANDFATHER 
	and SHAKE are sitting there having a picnic of beer and sandwiches.

				PAUL 
			(ironically)
		Anything to spare?

				GRANDFATHER 
		We've just finished, Pauly. Hey George, write 
		us your John Henry on this picture.

				GEORGE 
		Sure. 
			(He does so).

				PAUL 
		Ah well. Eh, look!

	He points, and from PAUL'S P.O.V. we see on stage, the setting up of 
	the show, scenery and lights, cameras and sound equipment are being put 
	into position by a small army of studio staff. DANCERS and SINGERS are 
	milling about as well.

				PAUL 
		Let's go and muck in.

				JOHN 
		Aye, before anyone stops us.

	They exit to rows of the dress circle and go through the entrance down 
	the narrow stairs to the stalls and on to the stage that is built and 
	extended right into the stalls, which are partly covered up.

41.	INTERIOR  STAGE

	Everyone is so busy that they hardly notice the BOYS, who wander about 
	and examine the studio equipment. A load of three drum sets are being 
	brought on stage and a voice shouts out:

				VOICE 
		Here, what about these electric guitars?

				SHAKE 
		Where are they?

				VOICE 
		Back here, mate.

				SHAKE 
			(going towards the voice) 
		I'm coming. 

	RINGO is busy setting up his drums, and men are setting up the other 
	sets. He drops a stick and the FLOOR MANAGER retrieves it and is about 
	to tap the drum. The FLOOR MANAGER is a languid young man.

				RINGO 
		Leave them drums alone.

				FLOOR MANAGER 
		Oh, surely one can have a tiny touch. 

				RINGO 
		If you so much as breathe heavy on them, I'm 
		out on strike.

				FLOOR MANAGER 
		Aren't you being rather arbitrary?

				RINGO 
		That's right retreat behind a smoke screen of
		bourgeois cliches. I don't go round messing 
		about with your ear-phones, do I?

				FLOOR MANAGER 
		Spoil sport!

				RINGO 
		Well!

	RINGO fusses like a mother hen clucking over his drums. The FLOOR 
	MANAGER is furious.

				GEORGE 
		He's very touchy about those his drums, they 
		loom large in his legend.

	RINGO gives his drums a defiant crash and JOHN and PAUL stop whatever 
	they are up to and hurry over.

				PAUL 
		What's up?

				GEORGE 
			(pointing) 
		He's sulking again.

				JOHN 
		I'll show him.

	He picks up a set of drum sticks and bashes back at RINGO, who does a 
	more complicated drum roll. GEORGE now joins in and to PAUL'S 
	encouragement a drum duel starts completely naturally and improvised. 
	During this encounter the work proceeds around them and the guitars are 
	brought on and SHAKE sets them to working order. PAUL first, then JOHN 
	and GEORGE take up their own instruments and out of the drum duel 
	emerges one of their numbers.

42.	INTERIOR  RAMP

	As the number finishes a baldheaded man (he is the T.V. director) 
	storms down the ramp that leads from the control box under the dress 
	circle. 

				DIRECTOR 
			(with over-exaggerated calm)
		All right I'm sorry and let's hear no more about 
		it. If that's your opinion, you're probably 
		right. Look, if you think I'm unsuitable let's 
		have it out in the open, I can't stand these 
		back-stage politics.

	By the end of this speech he is standing in front of JOHN who takes the 
	scene in his stride.

				JOHN 
		Aren't you tending to black and white this 
		whole situation?

				DIRECTOR 
		Well, quite honestly I wasn't expecting "a 
		musical arranger" who would question my 
		ability ... picture-wise.

				JOHN 
			(to the others) 
		I could listen to him for hours.

				PAUL 
		Heave to, what's all this about a musical 
		arranger?

				DIRECTOR 
		Mr. McCartney Senior!

	The BOYS have a giggle at the very idea and at this moment GRANDFATHER 
	appears from behind the DIRECTOR.

				GRANDFATHER 
		Hey Pauly, they're trying to fob you off wid 
		this musical charlatan but I've given him the 
		test.

				DIRECTOR 
			(bravely) 
		I'm quite happy to be replaced.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(indicating the director) 
		He's a typical buck-passer.

				DIRECTOR 
		I won an award.

				JOHN 
		A likely story.

				DIRECTOR 
		It's on the wall in my office.

	At this moment NORM comes on the stage, confident, cigar in mouth and 
	serene.

				NORM 
		Hello our lot, everyone happy?

	The BOYS, the DIRECTOR, FLOOR MANAGER and GRANDFATHER turn on him and 
	stare silently.

				NORM 
		All right, all right. If you don't need this 
		lot, I'll lock 'em up in the dressing room till 
		you do.

				DIRECTOR 
		Please do, I'll not need them for fifteen 
		minutes. Thank you.

	He glares at GRANDFATHER who glares right back. The DIRECTOR walks away 
	with the FLOOR MANAGER pacifying him.

				DIRECTOR 
		Give me a bottle of milk and a packet of 
		Oblivion. Oh, it's a plot, I see it now, it's 
		all a plot.

	They go left towards the back-stage.

				NORM 
			(producing key) 
		Now, come on, I've got the key.

	He leads the lads off right. RINGO is last as he is putting his drum 
	sticks down safely.

	NORM and the BOYS turn on him.

				NORM
		Let's have you.

				JOHN 
		Come on speedy!

				PAUL 
		Ringo! 

				GEORGE 
		Wake up!

	RINGO glares at them and follows quickly. As the BOYS move off after 
	NORM, they pass the next act waiting for rehearsal. It is an elegant 
	man in full-tail suit meticulously adjusting his cuff-links. Beside him 
	is a free-standing sign reading "Leslie Jackson and his ten 
	disappearing doves." The BOYS pass him and go through the door. 
	GRANDFATHER stops and looks at the performer with respect. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed your act.  

	He slaps the man on the back with happy camaraderie. There is the sound 
	of a dove, a few feathers fall out of the sleeve of the man's coat and 
	he and GRANDFATHER look down at the floor. The man glares at 
	GRANDFATHER, takes out a pen from his pocket, crosses out "10" on his 
	sign, and writes "9" in its place, puts the pen back in his pocket and 
	starts towards the centre stage putting on a false performer's smile as 
	he does. 
 
43.	INTERIOR  THEATRE  BACK-STAGE CORRIDOR

	The BOYS move down the narrow stairs, and out of the ground floor 
	dressing rooms stream a steady flow of costumed actors and actresses. 
	They engulf the lads and force them against the wall -- the actors are 
	all making for the stage door. As the actors push past the boys we see 
	the boys' excited faces, their mouths watering for the costumes. JOHN 
	touches the costume on one actor.

				JOHN 
			(to actor) 
		Gear costume!

				ACTOR
			(eyeing him) 
		Swap?

				NORM 
		Right, first floor and no messing about.

	NORM, leading the way, goes up the stairs but as they turn the first 
	corner they are confronted by a group of girls, a game of manners 
	starts, "after you," "No, after you." NORM who is ahead of the group 
	looks down on them in disgust.

				NORM 
		Lennon, leave them girls alone or I'll report 
		you.

	The BOYS let the GIRLS pass and resume the journey, always surrounded 
	by people.

44.	INTERIOR  DRESSING ROOM AND CORRIDOR

	RINGO'S attention is caught by a door. He crosses and opens it, looking 
	out to a fire escape. The others join him and the four boys step 
	through the door and onto the fire escape.

45.	EXTERIOR  TOP OF FIRE ESCAPE

	From the BOYS' P.O.V. we see down below into the property yard behind 
	the theatre. It is a long narrow yard full of old coaches, motor cars 
	and all the general debris of hundreds of sets from past theatre shows. 
	Through the piles of heaped high junk there are a couple of narrow 
	alleyways. 

	The BOYS scamper down the fire escape. 

	When they reach the bottom of the alleyways, there is a large door. 
	They open it and look through.

	From their P.O.V. we see a large green field quite empty. The boys step 
	through the doorway into the field. We now see from a HELICOPTER SHOT 
	the four BOYS standing together surrounded by space. 

	It is the first time they have been alone and unconfined all day. 

	They look at each other and grin ... then first GEORGE and PAUL let out 
	a whoop and run towards the centre of the field, after a moment JOHN 
	and RINGO follow them. The BOYS pick up some loose straw and insert it 
	under JOHN'S cap and sleeves, turning him into a scarecrow.

	The four BOYS dash about madly calling out to one another and generally 
	horsing around. Out of this emerges an imaginary game of soccer and 
	although there is no ball the game is fast and furious. After a few 
	moments the long shadow of a man falls across the grass.

				MAN'S VOICE 
			(off)
		I suppose you know this is private property.

	The boys freeze.

	From their P.O.V. we see a big burly middle-aged man glowering at them. 
	The boys exchange rueful glances and, under the big man's eye, mooch 
	back towards the gateway they came in by. JOHN is the last to go 
	through. He turns to the man.

				JOHN
		Sorry if we hurt your field, Mister.

46.	INTERIOR CORRIDOR  BACK-STAGE

	GRANDFATHER is sneaking down the corridor, a pile of photos under his 
	arm.

47.	INTERIOR  T.V. THEATRE  UNDERNEATH THE STAGE

	Under the stage the usual set of wooden columns that support the stage 
	with lots of furniture and a single light is on; it is placed by the 
	orchestra's entrance to the orchestra pit. GRANDFATHER comes down the 
	stairs and winds his way through the columns until he finds himself a 
	safe little cubby hole and settles himself under the light. He spreads 
	the signed photos of the BOYS in front of him and, adjusting an old-
	fashioned pair of glasses, ball-point pen in hand begins to copy the 
	BOYS' signatures on to the fresh photos, tutting at his failures and 
	chuckling at his successes. After a moment, there is a sound of someone 
	coming down the stairs. GRANDFATHER darts into a dark patch out of 
	sight. 

	The menacing shadows appear on the stairway.

				NORM (voice off) 
		There's no one here.

				SHAKE (voice off) 
		This is the only way they could have gone.

	We now see GRANDFATHER holding himself stiffly in, he is on some sort 
	of raised platform and he fidgets and in doing so he knocks a lever of 
	some sort. Slowly GRANDFATHER ascends out of shot with a light that 
	grows bigger above him.

48.	INTERIOR  T.V. THEATRE STAGE

	A rehearsal of the toast scene from a Strauss Operetta. The entire 
	stage is full of SINGERS, glasses in hand they are singing away at each
	other but in true opera tradition they are addressing out to the 
	audience. Slowly in-between the leading man and leading woman, who are 
	about to embrace, a stage trap opens and a blinking, surprised, 
	GRANDFATHER appears. Here we INTERCUT to the T.V. Control Room for 
	amazed reaction shots of the DIRECTOR and control room CREW.

	Back now on the stage the toast song reaches its climax and the leading 
	man and woman rush into each other's arms, GRANDFATHER sandwiched
	between them.


48A.	INTERIOR  CORRIDOR AS BOYS PASS THRU ON WAY TO DRESSING ROOM 
 
	JOHN is behind them. JOHN, BOYS and MILLIE are walking towards each 
	other. 
 
				MILLIE 
			(as all pass) 
		Hello. 
 
				JOHN 
			(stopping... the boys 
			carry on past, not noticing 
			her) 
		Hello. 
 
				MILLIE 
		Oh, wait a minute, don't tell me you're ... 
 
				JOHN 
		No, not me. 
 
				MILLIE 
			(insistently) 
		Oh you are, I know you are. 
 
				JOHN 
		No, I'm not. 
 
				MILLIE 
		You are. 
 
				JOHN 
		I'm not, no. 
 
				MILLIE 
		Well, you look like him. 
 
				JOHN 
		Oh do I? You're the first one who ever said 
		that. 
 
				MILLIE 
		Oh you do, look. 
 
	JOHN looks at himself in the mirror.

	JOHN examines himself in the mirror carefully. 
 
				JOHN 
		My eyes are lighter. 
 
				MILLIE 
			(agreeing) 
		Oh yes. 
 
				JOHN 
		And my nose... 
 
				MILLIE 
		Well, yes your nose is. Very. 
 
				JOHN 
		Is it? 
 
				MILLIE 
		I would have said so. 
 
				JOHN 
		Aye, but you know him well. 
 
				MILLIE 
			(indignantly) 
		No I don't, he's only a casual acquaintance. 
 
				JOHN 
			(knowingly) 
		That's what you tell me. 
 
				MILLIE 
			(suspiciously) 
		What have you heard?
 
				JOHN 
			(blandly) 
		It's all over the place, everyone knows. 
 
				MILLIE 
		Is it? Is it really? 
 
				JOHN 
		Mind you, I stood up for you, I mean I wouldn't 
		have it. 
 
				MILLIE 
		I knew I could rely on you. 
 
				JOHN 
			(modestly) 
		Thanks. 
 
	MILLIE touches his arm then walks away. After a moment she turns. 
 
				MILLIE 
		You don't look like him at all. 
 
	JOHN winks at her and she winks back.

49.	INTERIOR  DRESSING ROOM 
 
	NORM and SHAKE enter the room. The BOYS' TAILOR is there waiting for 
	the BOYS. 
  
				SHAKE 
		Oh they've probably gone to the canteen, cup 
		of tea, like. 
 
				NORM 
		That's too easy for Lennon. 
 
	He crosses to door leading to fire escape.
 
				NORM 
			(dramatically)
		He's out there somewhere, causing trouble just 
		to upset me. 
 
				SHAKE 
		You're imagining it. You're letting things 
		prey on your mind. 
 
				NORM 
		Oh no... this is a battle of nerves between 
		John and me. 
 
				SHAKE 
		But John hasn't got any. 
 
				NORM 
		What? 
 
				SHAKE 
		Nerves. 
 
				NORM 
		I know, that's the trouble. 

	He puffs nervously at his cigarette. 

				NORM 
		Oh, I've toyed with the idea of a ball and 
		chain but he'd only rattle them at me... and 
		in public and all. Sometimes I think he enjoys 
		seeing me suffer. 
 
	He hears something.

				NORM 
		Get behind that door, they're coming. Someone's 
		coming. Quick, hide!

	The two men hide behind the door. The boys enter the room, as JOHN is 
	last he shuts the door and faces SHAKE and NORM.

				JOHN 
		What are you doing there?

				SHAKE 
		Hiding.

				JOHN 
		I think you're soft or something.

				NORM 
		We weren't hiding. 

				TAILOR
		Now?

				NORM 
		Now. We were trying to catch you redhanded. I 
		thought I told you lot to stay here?

				RINGO 
		Well ...

				NORM 
		When I tell you to stay put, stay put.

				JOHN 
			(down on his knees) 
		Don't cane me, sir, I was led astray.

				NORM 
		Oh shurrup and come on John. They're waiting 
		for you in the studio.

				RINGO 
		Oh dear, I feel like doing a bit of work.

				NORM 
		Good lad, Ringo.

				PAUL 
		Oh, listen to teacher's pet.

				GEORGE 
		You crawler.

				JOHN 
		He's betrayed the class.

				RINGO 
		Oh, leave off!!!

				JOHN 
		Temper! Temper!

				RINGO 
		Well ...

	CLOSE-UP on NORM's long suffering face.

				NORM 
		Will you all get a move on! They're waiting for 
		you!

	By this time the TAILOR has his tape stretched between his hands to 
	measure GEORGE's shoulders. But since GEORGE has moved away, he is 
	measuring space. JOHN takes up his scissors and cuts the tape.

				JOHN 
		I now declare this bridge open.

	The BOYS run out the door.

50.	INTERIOR  BACKSTAGE AREA

	Five beautiful MODELS are standing about in costume. One is knitting a 
	loose wool sweater which is almost completed. There is the sound of a 
	juggling act's music off and a few of the girls are looking off towards 
	the centre stage. At the edge of frame is a collapsible table covered 
	with green baize. On it are three spaced white plates. 
 
	From the door off stage, above which is a sign "To Canteen and 
	Production Offices", GRANDFATHER enters eating a plate of spaghetti on 
	toast. The knitting GIRL sees him and, in mime, asks him to stand still 
	so that she can measure the sweater against him. GRANDFATHER, eager to 
	help, puts his plate of food on the green table between plates two and 
	three. He goes to be measured with the sweater. 
 
	From the onstage area, a juggler's ASSISTANT (pretty girl) in costume 
	backs up and with the usual theatrical flourishes picks up, without 
	looking, plate number ONE and throws it off screen towards centre 
	stage. There is a drum roll from orchestra. She then throws plate 
	number TWO. We CUT on stage to the JUGGLER now balancing the two 
	spinning plates on two poles, one in each hand. He has another pole in 
	his mouth and nods to his ASSISTANT, asking for the THIRD plate. 
 
	We CUT BACK to the ASSISTANT who, still not looking, throws plate THREE 
	which is GRANDFATHER's. There is the sound of an orchestra raggedly 
	stopping and all the hangers-on in the scene look off interestedly. 
 
	We hear the DIRECTOR's voice. 
  
				DIRECTOR (V.O.) 
		All right, hold it, hold it... O.K. John, wipe 
		him down and we'll carry on with the next act. 

	We 

						CUT TO 

	centre stage. The JUGGLER is as before but the spaghetti is covering 
	his head, having slipped off the third plate. 
 
	The FLOOR MANAGER is bustling around, trying to help. 
  
	We CUT BACK to back-stage. GRANDFATHER has finished being measured and 
	goes to the green table where he put his plate down. He picks up the 
	only remaining plate, looks at it, wondering where his food has gone, 
	shrugs and heads back towards the exit door as we hear the DIRECTOR's 
	VOICE. 
 
51.	INTERIOR  T.V. STUDIO FLOOR

	CLOSE-UP on the distraught DIRECTOR.

				DIRECTOR 
		Where are they? I said, where are they? Where 
		are they?

				FLOOR MANAGER 
			(placating) 
		They're coming, I promise you.

				DIRECTOR 
			(fiercely) 
		Now look, if they're not here on this floor in 
		thirty seconds there's going to be trouble ... 
		understand me ... trouble!!!

	Two STAGE HANDS are walking disinterestedly past, they look at the 
	DIRECTOR.

				1st STAGE HAND 
		What's he on about, Taff?

				WELSH STAGE HAND 
		Well ... he's being the director. Of course, he 
		lives in a world of his own, mind.

	At this moment the boys, NORM, SHAKE and GRANDFATHER appear. The BOYS 
	grab their instruments and prepare to play.

				JOHN 
			(to the director) 
		Standing about, eh? Some people have it dead 
		easy, don't they?

	The director is about to blow his top but manages to hold on and mutter 
	to the heavens.

				DIRECTOR 
			(to himself) 
		Of course, once you're over thirty, you're 
		finished. It's a young man's medium and I just 
		can't take the pace.

				RINGO 
		Are you as young as that, then?

				BOYS 
		Shurrup!

				GRANDFATHER 
		Isn't it always the way? Picking on us little 
		fellas.

				PAUL 
			(to Shake) 
		Shove the gentleman jockey in the make-up room 
		or something and keep your eye on him, will 
		you?

				SHAKE 
		I'm an electrician, not a wet nurse, y'know.

				PAUL 
			(threateningly) 
		I'll set John on you!

				SHAKE 
			(hastily) 
		Oh, anything you say, Paul.

	He leads GRANDFATHER away.

	The BOYS are placed in position, instruments ready. The boom moves in 
	near them. There is a mike hovering just over JOHN'S head. JOHN starts 
	attacking it.

				DIRECTOR'S VOICE (over Tannoy)
		Run through the number and try not to jiggle 
		out of your positions.

	The BOYS start the number, as the stage hands adjust their settings. 
	When they've finished, they stand about spare. 

52.	INTERIOR  T.V. CONTROL ROOM

	The room is crowded with the usual personnel, P.A., elecs, racks, 
	etc.... make-up supervisor and wardrobe mistress.

				DIRECTOR 
		That was more or less all right for me. I'll give 
		them one more run through then leave them alone 
		until the dress ... 
			(to make-up woman) 
		Oh how about make-up?

				MAKE-UP WOMAN 
		Not really, they don't need it any. We'll just 
		powder them off for shine.

				DIRECTOR 
		Good. Norm, get them along to make-up will you? 

				NORM 
			(rising) 
		Sure.

				DIRECTOR 
			(looking into the monitor)
		And hurry, they're not looking too happy.

	From the director's P.O.V. we see into the monitor. The boys crowding 
	around RINGO. We cut through the monitor into the same position in the 
	studio.

[53.	INTERIOR  T.V. STUDIO FLOOR

				PAUL 
			(to Ringo) 
		What's the matter with you? You were bashing 
		away like a madman.

				RINGO 
			(briefly) 
		You were twanging too loud.

				JOHN 
		How'd you like a dirty great drum roll giving 
		you a clout right in the middle of your solo?

				GEORGE 
		You're getting out of hand. I don't know what's 
		come over you today.

				RINGO 
		That's right. It's always me, isn't it?

				JOHN 
		Since you ask, yes. 
			(he laughs)
		Aah, come on, Ring, we love you.

	He puts his arm around Ringo's shoulder.

				RINGO 
		Well!

				JOHN 
		He'll get over it.

	NORM appears down the ramp speaking as he approaches.

				NORM 
		All right, our lot, make-up.]

54.	INTERIOR  MAKE UP ROOM

	A smallish room with a line of chairs facing a wall mirror and a long 
	table. Each place is clearly marked and above each mirror a girl's 
	name: Betty, Angela, Deirdre, Jenny.

	SHAKE and GRANDFATHER are sitting in splendid isolation. They are 
	staring each other out.

				SHAKE 
		You blinked!

				GRANDFATHER 
		I never did, you did.

	The BOYS enter.
				SHAKE 
		Hello, he's not talking to me. He's having a 
		sulk.

				GEORGE 
		Well, it must be catching. He's given it to the 
		champ here.

	He indicates RINGO who ignores him.

				NORM 
		Stop picking on him.

				RINGO 
		I don't need you to defend me, y'know, Norm.

				JOHN 
		Leave him alone, he's got swine fever.

				NORM 
		Sit down, the lot of you.

	At this moment several actors come into the room. They are all dressed 
	in the uniform of officers in Wellington's army. Together with the boys 
	they sit down, Beatles and soldiers all mixed up.

	Now a group of several pretty make-up girls make an entrance and the 
	boys herald their arrival with a chorus of "aye aye's" and wolf 
	whistles. JOHN meanwhile has helped himself to a big beard and the 
	other lads are generally messing about with assorted make-up things.

				HEAD MAKE UP GIRL 
		Oh, this is impossible! We'll never get you 
		all done in time.

				ACTOR
		Well, you'll just have to do us first... It 
		makes no difference to them whether they're 
		made up or not.  
			(sees John with beard)
		And who's me, then?

				JOHN 
			(charmingly) 
		My name's Betty...
			(pointing to the name 
			on the mirror) 
		Do you want a punch up your frogged tunic?

	NORM fights his way to JOHN.

				NORM 
		Now listen, John, behave yourself or I'll 
		murder you and, Shake, take that wig off, it 
		suits you.

	SHAKE has a long blond girl's wig on. With the assistance of the girls, 
	NORM gets the boys seated into the chairs nearest the door. For some 
	reason RINGO now has a Guardsman's busby wedged down almost over his 
	eyes and is sitting with it under a hair drier, reading a copy of 
	"Queen" Magazine.

				NORM 
			(to Ringo) 
		What do you think are you're up to?

				RINGO 
		Someone put it on me.  

				JOHN 
		Excuses, that's all we get and you know you 
		fancy yourself in the Coldstreams.  

	The GIRLS now move in and put make up bibs on the BOYS and start to 
	powder them off.

				JOHN 
		You won't interfere with the basic rugged 
		concept of my personality, will you, girl?

				PAUL 
		Eh, don't take out me lines.

				GEORGE 
		Yeah, they give him that "Je ne sais quoi" 
		rakish air. 

	The lads laugh with pleasure.

	RINGO decides to try a little joke.

				RINGO 
			(indicating the busby he is still 
			wearing) 
		Short back and sides, please.

	The other look at him with mock disgust.

				PAUL 
		Behave...

				JOHN 
		Foreign devil ...

				GEORGE 
		Control yourself... 

	GRANDFATHER has been watching the powdering process.

				GRANDFATHER 
		In my considered opinion you're a bunch of 
		sissies.

	JOHN grabs a powder puff from his girl.

				JOHN 
		You know you're only jealous!

	And dabs the old man liberally with the powder much to GRANDFATHER's 
	annoyance.

				NORM 
		Leave him alone, Lennon, or I'll tell them all 
		the truth about you.

				JOHN 
		You wouldn't!

				NORM 
		I would though.

	NORM goes out.

				PAUL 
		What's he know?

				JOHN 
		Nothing, he's trying to brainwash me and give
		me personality doubts ... oh, he's a swine but 
		a clever swine, mind.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(impatiently) 
		Lookit, I thought I was supposed to be getting 
		a change of scenery and so far I've seen a 
		train and a room, a car and a room and a room 
		and a room. Well, that's maybe all right for a 
		bunch of powdered gee-gaws like you lot but I'm 
		feeling decidedly strait-jacketed. This is no 
		life for a free-booting agent of my stamp. I'm 
		a frustrated man and that class of McCartney is 
		a dangerous McCartney.

				GIRL 
			(admiringly) 
		What a clean old man.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(touchingly) 
		You're too young for a fella of my 
		cosmopolitan tastes, so don't press your luck.

				JOHN 
		He's sex-obsessed, the older generation are 
		leading this country to galloping ruin.

	NORM returns leaving the door open, the boys hear the sound of music 
	coming from the studio.

				NORM
		They're nearly ready for you. They're just 
		finishing the band call.

				JOHN 
			(jumping from his seat) 
		Gear! Come on, girls, let's have a bit of a 
		dance. 

				JOHN'S GIRL 
		I don't think its allowed.

				JOHN 
		Well ... it wouldn't be any fun if it was!

	The BOYS drag the make-up GIRLS out of the room and into the studio.

	The GIRLS are still trying to finish making the BOYS up.

	As the BOYS and MAKE-UP GIRLS dance past, we see one of the "Strauss" 
	singers combing his long hair straight back. Two STAGE HANDS swing a 
	wind machine past him and his hair is blown straight forward into a 
	Beatle cut.

				JOHN
			(passing him)
		Never.

	During dance, GEORGE takes off wig and places it on dummy, revealing 
	identical hair underneath.

55.	INTERIOR  T.V. STUDIO FLOOR

	The work is still going on and the music is up full blast, the BOYS 
	enter and with the GIRLS [and] they start a wild dance, hippy, shake, 
	zulu, blue beat, the lot. LIONEL and DANCERS are doing their routine on 
	one side of the stage ... it becomes a challenge dance between both 
	groups. JOHN swings his GIRL onto the motorized CAMERA, Western style, 
	and starts to track through the GROUP. GEORGE is on another CAMERA.

56.	INTERIOR  CONTROL ROOM

	The whole control room crew are watching the dance on all the monitors. 
	The DIRECTOR is about to stop the boys but his GIRL P.A. glares at him, 
	with a shrug he lets the dance go on.

	We now cut between the dancers on the monitors and the boys actual 
	dancing down on the studio floor. When the recorded music stops, they 
	grab their instruments and go into a number.

	So we can watch every aspect of their work and with so many monitors it 
	gives the impression that there are many more boys than just four.

	When the number finally ends we are back in the studio on the floor.

57.	INTERIOR  T.V. STUDIO FLOOR

				DIRECTOR'S VOICE OVER TANNOY
		Thank you gentlemen, you can break now while we 
		push on with the show.

	The boys acknowledge this with a quaver of guitar chords and a drum 
	roll.

	NORM is on them at once.

				NORM 
		That was great, you've got about an hour but 
		don't leave the theatre.

	JOHN grabs the arm of a sexy girl dancer.

				JOHN 
		She's going to show me her stamp collection.

				PAUL 
			(grabs a showgirl) 
		So's mine.

				NORM 
		John, I'm talking to you. This final run 
		through is important. Understand? Important.

				JOHN 
			(like a pig) 
		Oink! Oink!

	They dash off with the two beauties.

	GRANDFATHER is hovering in the background with SHAKE.

				GRANDFATHER
		I want me cup of tea.

				NORM 
		Shake.

				SHAKE 
		I'm adjusting the decibels on the inbalance.

				NORM 
		Clever. 
			(he turns) 
		George. 

	But GEORGE is disappearing out of the door.

	NORM turns to RINGO.

				NORM 
		Look after him.

				RINGO 
		But...

				NORM 
		Do I have to raise me voice?

				RINGO 
			(choked) 
		Oh, all right. Come here, Grandad.

	And the two of them walk off, Ringo leading.

57A.	INTERIOR  BACKSTAGE 
 
	A man, whose act is playing tunes by hitting himself on the head, is 
	swallowing a handful of aspirin tablets. He starts rehearsing his act, 
	which consists of throwing his head back and slapping his cheeks. Next 
	to him, a JUGGLER is practising with four table tennis balls. 
 
	GRANDFATHER passes him and bumps his arm slightly. Only 3 balls come 
	down. There is the sound of coughing off. 

	We 

						CUT TO 

	THE HEAD-PLAYER being patted on the back. The ball drops out of his 
	mouth and bounces slowly on the studio floor. 
 
58.	INTERIOR  T.V. STUDIO CANTEEN

	The canteen is about half full of actors many of which are dressed as 
	Nazi soldiers, with mock blood bandages and arm bands. Also there are a 
	sprinkling of T.V. people. At a table sits GRANDFATHER and RINGO. RINGO 
	is deeply engrossed in a book and GRANDFATHER has a near empty cup of 
	tea in front of him. The old man is bored and looks about him slyly. He 
	then looks at Ringo who is innocently occupied, a malicious gleam comes 
	into GRANDFATHER's eye. He decides to have a go at RINGO and sits 
	staring at him. RINGO gradually becomes aware of the stare and shifts 
	uncomfortably then tries to continue reading his book.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(disgustedly to no one 
			in particular) 
		Will you ever look at him, sitting there wid 
		his hooter scraping away at that book!

				RINGO 
		Well ... what's the matter with that?

				GRANDFATHER 
			(taking the book from him)
		Have you no natural resources of your own? Have 
		they even robbed you of that?

				RINGO 
			(snatching back his book) 
		You can learn from books.

				GRANDFATHER 
		Can you now? Aah ... sheeps' heads! You learn 
		more by getting out there and living.

				RINGO 
		Out where?

				GRANDFATHER 
		Any old where ... but not our little Richard 
		... oh no! When you're not thumping them pagan 
		skins, you're tormenting your eyes wid that 
		rubbish!

				RINGO 
			(defiantly) 
		Books are good!

				GRANDFATHER 
			(countering)
		Parading's better!

				RINGO 
		Parading?

				GRANDFATHER 
			(marching up and down the canteen) 
		That's it, parading the streets ... trailing 
		your coat ... bowling along ... living!

				RINGO 
		Well, I am living, aren't I?

				GRANDFATHER 
		You're living, are you? When was the last time 
		you gave a girl a pink-edged daisy? When did 
		you last embarrass a sheila wid your cool 
		appraising stare?

				RINGO 
		Eh ... you're a bit old for that sort of chat, 
		aren't you?

				GRANDFATHER 
		At least I've a backlog of memories, but all 
		you've got is that book!

				RINGO 
		Aaah ... stop picking on me... you're as bad as 
		the rest of them.

				GRANDFATHER 
		So you are a man after all.

				RINGO 
		What's that mean?

				GRANDFATHER 
		Do you think I haven't noticed ... do you think 
		I wasn't aware of the drift? Oh ... you poor 
		unfortunate scuff, they've driven you into 
		books by their cruel, unnatural treatment, 
		exploiting your good nature.

				RINGO 
			(not too sure) 
		Oh ... I dunno.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(confidingly) 
		And that lot's never happier than when they're 
		jeering at you ... and where would they be 
		without the steady support of your drum beat, 
		I'd like to know.

				RINGO 
		Yeah ... that's right.

				GRANDFATHER 
		And what's it all come to in the end?

				RINGO 
			(defensively) 
		Yeah ... what's in it for me?

				GRANDFATHER 
		A book!

				RINGO 
		Yeah ... a bloomin' book!

	He throws the book down.

				GRANDFATHER 
		When you could be out there betraying a rich 
		American widow or sipping palm wine in Tahiti 
		before you're too old like me. A fine neat and 
		trim lad the class of you should be helping 
		himself to life's goodies before the sands run 
		out. Being an old age pensioner's a terrible 
		drag on a man and every second you waste is 
		bringing you nearer the Friday queue at the 
		Post Office.

				RINGO 
		Yeah ... funny really, 'cos I'd never thought 
		of it but being middle-aged and old takes up 
		most of your time, doesn't it?

				GRANDFATHER 
			(nodding) 
		You're only right.

				RINGO 
			(nodding back) 
		I'm not wrong.

	There is a pause, then RINGO rises and crosses to the door.

				GRANDFATHER 
		Where are you off to?

				RINGO 
		I'm going parading before it's too late!

	RINGO leaves and GRANDFATHER laughs at what he has done, then realizes 
	its full meaning and looks worried.

59.	INTERIOR  CORRIDOR and STAIRWAY

	RINGO comes along the corridor then down the narrow stairs. Half-way 
	down he comes face to face with GEORGE who is coming up the stairs.

				GEORGE 
		Eh, Ringo, do you know what happened to me?

				RINGO 
			(passing him) 
		No. I don't.

	As he goes round the corner RINGO turns on the surprised GEORGE.

				RINGO 
		You want to stop being so scornful, it's 
		twisting your face.

60.	INTERIOR  T.V. THEATRE NEAR STAGE DOORMAN'S OFFICE

	JOHN and PAUL are chatting up a couple of girls, when they see RINGO 
	approaching they break off the conversation.

				JOHN 
		Here he is, the middle-aged boy wonder.

	RINGO looks at JOHN hard.

				PAUL 
		Eh. I thought you were looking after the old 
		man.

				RINGO 
			(with simple dignity) 
		Get knotted!

	PAUL and JOHN gape at him. For good measure Ringo takes a quick 
	photograph of them before he leaves them flabbergasted and walks off 
	into the street.

				PAUL 
		We've got only half an hour till the final 
		run-through. He can't walk out on us.

				JOHN 
		Can't he? He's done it, son!

	GEORGE runs towards them. 

				GEORGE 
		Eh, I don't know if you realise it, but ...

				PAUL 
		We do.

				GEORGE 
		Yes. Your grandfather's stirred him up.

				PAUL 
		He hasn't.

				GEORGE 
		Yes, he's filled his head with notions 
		seemingly.

				PAUL 
		The old mixer, come on we'll have to put him 
		right.

	The three of them go into the street.

61.	EXTERIOR  T.V. THEATRE STAGE DOOR ENTRANCE

	The boys look up and down but RINGO has completely disappeared.

				PAUL 
		We'll split up and search for him, he can't be 
		far.

	They now all start to go off in the same direction, they pause, there 
	are three roads they can take but each time they begin to move they all 
	go the same way.

				JOHN 
		It's happened at last, we've become a limited 
		company.

				GEORGE
		I'll look in here again.

	PAUL gives him a push to the left and GEORGE to the right and going 
	straight ahead himself they part and go their separate ways.

62.	EXTERIOR  STREET

	RINGO is walking along taking photographs with his camera when some 
	girls recognise him and start to follow him. They quicken their pace 
	and RINGO runs ahead of them. He turns and comes into another street. 
	He sees a second-hand clothes shop with a sign saying "We Buy Anything" 
	and enters the shop just before the pursuing girls come round the 
	corner. The girls stand about looking in all directions. After a moment 
	RINGO comes out of the shop. He is wearing a long mackintosh and a 
	natty cap pulled well down. He is ignored by the girls who don't 
	recognise him. Realising this he goes back and ogles one of them. She 
	glares at him.

				RINGO 
		Hello.

				GIRL 
		Get out of it, short house!

	CLOSE-UP on Ringo's secret but happy smile as he walks briskly down the 
	road.

63.	EXTERIOR  TOW PATH  CANAL

	RINGO kicks at a brick. He kicks stylishly but misses so tries again, 
	misses again, but finally kicks the stone which doesn't budge so he 
	bends down and pulls it out of the ground. It is quite big. Three 
	quarters of it being below the surface. Having got it he now decides to 
	throw it away. As he does so the same POLICEMAN rides past on a 
	bicycle.

				POLICEMAN 
		Ain't you got no more bleeding sense than to go 
		round chucking bricks about.

	Before RINGO has time to answer the man has disappeared.

				RINGO 
			(shouting after him)
		Southerner!

	He looks at the canal water moodily; at this moment a large lorry tyre
	rolls down the incline and bashes him slap in the back, sprawling him 
	on the path, the tyre on top of him. A small boy appears after the tyre 
	and stands over the prostrate RINGO.

				BOY 
		Here, mate, that's my hoop, stop playing with 
		it.

				RINGO 
		Hoop, this isn't a hoop, it's a lethal weapon. 
		Have you got a licence for it?

				BOY 
		Oh don't be so stroppy!

				RINGO 
			(getting up) 
		Well! A boy of your age bowling "hoop" at 
		people. How old are you anyway?

				BOY 
			(aggressively) 
		Nine.

				RINGO 
		Bet you're only eight and a half.

				BOY 
			(countering swiftly) 
		Eight and two thirds.

				RINGO 
		Well, there you are and watch it with that 
		hoop.

				BOY 
		Gerron out of it, you're only jealous 'cause
		you're old.

				RINGO 
		Shurrup!

				BOY 
		I bet you're 
			(searching for an age) 
		-- sixteen!

				RINGO 
		Fifteen and two thirds, actually.

				BOY 
		Well --

				RINGO 
		All right, take your hoop and bowl.

	He moves off and the BOY follows.

				BOY 
		Oh you can have it, I'm packing it in -- it 
		depresses me.

				RINGO 
		Y'what?

				BOY 
		You heard, it gets on my wick.

				RINGO 
		Well that's lovely talk, that is. And another 
		thing, why aren't you at school?

				BOY 
		I'm a deserter.

				RINGO 
			(smiling in spite of himself)
		Are you now?

				BOY 
		Yeah, I've blown school out.

				RINGO 
		Just you?

				BOY 
		No, Ginger, Eddy Fallon and Ding Dong.

				RINGO 
		Ding Dong? Oh Ding Dong Bell, eh?

				BOY 
		Yeah, that's right, they was supposed to come
		with us but they chickened.

				RINGO 
		Yeah? And they're your mates are they?

				BOY 
			(sighing) 
		Yeah.

				RINGO 
		Not much cop without 'em, is it?

				BOY 
			(defensively) 
		Oh, it's all right.

				RINGO 
			(disbelievingly) 
		Yeah?

				BOY 
		Yeah.

				RINGO 
		What they like?

	BOY is glad to have something to talk about.

				BOY 
			(enthusiastically) 
		Ginger's mad, he says things all the time and 
		Eddy's good at punching and spitting.

				RINGO 
		How about Ding Dong?

				BOY 
		He's a big head and he fancies himself with it 
		but you know it's all right 'cos he's one of 
		the gang.

	RINGO nods his head understandingly and they mooch on together.

				BOY 
		Why aren't you at work?

				RINGO 
		I'm a deserter, too.

				BOY 
		Oh.

	At this moment a child's voice shouts out "Charley" and from RINGO'S 
	P.O.V. we see three kids. RINGO turns to the BOY and looks at them 
	enquiringly.

				BOY 
			(to Ringo) 
		See you.

	The BOY runs off to join his mates. As he joins them they punch and 
	scuffle together. They are obviously a gang. RINGO is left alone.

64.	INTERIOR  CORRIDOR T.V. THEATRE 

	GEORGE comes round the corner, looking for RINGO, then grins and walks 
	past a sign saying "Canteen and Production Office Opposite." He comes 
	to the exit door, crosses to a modern building across from the theatre. 
	He enters [the] building.

65.	INTERIOR  OFFICE

	It is the reception room that leads to an inner office. Behind a desk 
	sits a smart young woman typing busily as GEORGE enters. He is 
	surprised when he sees the girl; she looks up and speaks to him at 
	once.

				SECRETARY 
		Oh, there you are!

				GEORGE 
		Oh, I'm sorry, I must have made a mistake.

				SECRETARY 
			(tartly) 
		You haven't, you're just late. 
			(She rises and crossing 
			over to him examines 
			him critically.) 
		Oh, yes, he's going to be very pleased with 
		you.

				GEORGE 
		Is he? 

				SECRETARY 
		Yes, you're quite a feather in the cap. 
			(She crosses to the
			desk and picks up the 
			inter-office phone.)
		Hello, I've got one ... oh, I think so ... yes, 
		he can talk ... Well ... I think you ought to 
		see him. 
			(she smiles) 
		Of course, right away.

	She crosses to the inter-office door. On the door is written SIMON 
	MARSHAL ... she opens it.

				SECRETARY 
		Well ... come on.

				GEORGE 
		Sorry. 

	He follows her quickly in.

66.	INTERIOR  THE INNER OFFICE

	A large room, part production office with models and sets, drawing 
	board with ground plans, the other part of the room a mixture of Pop 
	and Queen's magazine decor.

	Behind a large desk sits SIMON MARSHAL, a bland but slightly irritable 
	young man of about thirty-five. He is wearing the ultimate in the 
	current smart set fashion. He is attended by a couple of underlings 
	ADRIAN and TONY and behind him on the wall is a poster of a girl. 
	Across the poster is printed, "Way Out, your own T.V. Special 
	with Susan Campey. Director, Simon Marshal."

				SECRETARY 
			(proudly) 
		Will this do, Simon?  

				SIMON 
			(looking at George) 
		Not bad, dolly, not really bad. 
			(he motions to George) 
		Turn around, chicky baby. 

	GEORGE does so.

				SIMON 
		Oh yes, a definite poss. He'll look good 
		alongside Susan. 
			(he indicates the girl on the poster) 
		All right, Sunny Jim, this is all going to be 
		quite painless. Don't breathe on me, Adrian.

	ADRIAN has recognised GEORGE and is trying to stop SIMON.

				GEORGE 
		Look, I'm terribly sorry but I'm afraid there's 
		been some sort of a misunderstanding.

				SIMON 
			(sharply) 
		Oh, you can come off it with us. You don't have 
		to do the old adenoidal glottal stop and carry 
		on for our benefit.

				GEORGE 
		I'm afraid I don't understand.

				SIMON 
		Oh, my God, he's a natural.

				SECRETARY (anxiously) 
		Well, I did tell them not to send us any more 
		real ones.

				SIMON 
		They ought to know by now the phonies are much 
		easier to handle. Still he's a good type.

	He now speaks to GEORGE in the loud voice that the English reserve for 
	foreigners and village idiots.

				SIMON 
		We want you to give us your opinion on some 
		clothes for teenagers.

				GEORGE 
		Oh, by all means, I'd be quite prepared for 
		that eventuality.

				SIMON
		Well, not your real opinion, naturally. It'll 
		be written out and you'll learn it. 
			(to secretary) 
		Can he read?

				GEORGE 
		Of course I can.

				SIMON 
		I mean lines, ducky, can you handle lines?

				GEORGE 
		I'll have a bash.

				SIMON 
		Good. Hart, get him whatever it is they drink, 
		a cokearama?

				GEORGE 
		Ta.

				SIMON 
		Well, at least he's polite. Tony Show him the 
		shirts, Adrian.

	A collection of shirts are produced and GEORGE looks at them. While he 
	is doing this SIMON briefs him.

				SIMON 
		Now, you'll like these. You really "dig" them. 
		They're "fab" and all the other pimply 
		hyperboles.

				GEORGE 
		I wouldn't be seen dead in them. They're dead 
		grotty.

				SIMON 
		Grotty?

				GEORGE 
		Yeah, grotesque.

				SIMON 
			(to secretary) 
		Make a note of that word and give it to Susan. 
		I think it's rather touching really. Here's 
		this kid trying to give me his utterly 
		valueless opinion when I know for a fact within 
		four weeks he'll be suffering from a violent 
		inferiority complex and loss of status if he 
		isn't wearing one of these nasty things. Of 
		course they're grotty, you wretched nit, that's 
		why they were designed, but that's what you'll 
		want.

				GEORGE 
		But I won't.

				SIMON 
		You can be replaced you know, chicky baby.

				GEORGE 
		I don't care.

				SIMON 
		And that pose is out too, Sunny Jim. The new 
		thing is to care passionately, and be right 
		wing. Anyway, you won't meet Susan if you don't 
		cooperate.

				GEORGE 
		And who's this Susan when she's at home?

				SIMON 
			(playing his ace) 
		Only Susan Campey, our resident teenager. 
		You'll have to love her. She's your symbol.

				GEORGE 
		Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets 
		everything wrong?

				SIMON 
		I beg your pardon?

				GEORGE 
		Oh, yes, the lads frequently gather round the 
		T.V. set to watch her for a giggle. Once we 
		even all sat down and wrote these letters 
		saying how gear she was and all that rubbish.

				SIMON 
		She's a trend setter. It's her profession!

				GEORGE 
		She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the 
		sound down on her and say rude things.

				SIMON 
		Get him out of here!!

				GEORGE 
			(genuinely surprised) 
		Have I said something amiss?

				SIMON 
		Get him out of here. He's knocking the 
		programme's image!!

	The underlings hustle GEORGE to the door.

				GEORGE 
			(smiling) 
		Sorry about the shirts.

	He is ejected through the door.

				SIMON 
		Get him out. 
			(he stops in mid-shout) 
		You don't think he's a new phenomenon, do you?

				SECRETARY 
		You mean an early clue to the new direction?

				SIMON 
			(rummaging in his desk) 
		Where's the calendar? 
			(he finds it) 
		No, he's just a trouble maker. The change isn't 
		due for three weeks. All the same, make a note 
		not to extend Susan's contract. Let's not take 
		any unnecessary chances! 

67.	EXTERIOR  STREET  PUB ON THE CORNER

	The sign on the pub is Liverpool Arms. RINGO is standing looking up at 
	it. He decides to go in and does so.

68.	INTERIOR  T.V. CONTROL ROOM

	The atmosphere is tense. GRANDFATHER is standing miserable in front of 
	the DIRECTOR, the criminal confronted by the judge. SHAKE and NORM are 
	flanking him grimly.

				GRANDFATHER 
		I'm sorry lads, I didn't mean it, honest.

				DIRECTOR 
		If he says that again, I'll strike him.

				SHAKE
			(unconvincingly) 
		They'll be back, they're good lads, they'll be 
		back.

				DIRECTOR 
			(disgusted) 
		Yes? Well they've got only ten minutes to the 
		final run-through.

				GRANDFATHER 
		I meant no harm. I was only trying to encourage 
		little Ringo to enjoy himself.

				NORM 
			(grimly, C.U.) 
		God knows what you've unleashed on the 
		unsuspecting South. It'll be wine, women and 
		song all the way with Ringo once he's got the 
		taste for it.

69.	INT. PUB  PUBLIC BAR

	CLOSE-UP on RINGO. He is eating a bone dry sandwich that curls up at 
	the end. He puts it down with disgust. He has a lager glass in his 
	hand.

				BARMAID 
			(accusingly) 
		That was fresh this morning.

	We now see the pub is full of enormous cockney workmen downing pints. 
	RINGO is very much alone. He moves away from the bar towards a group 
	that is standing together, they've an average height of over six-foot. 
	There is a group at a dart board. Another group is playing bar skittles 
	and a third group is around a pin-ball table. 

	Near the bar is a shove-halfpenny board with two players. There is a 
	caged parrot nearby. 

				BARMAID 
			(to Ringo) 
		That'll be two and nine...

	RINGO fumbles some change out of his pocket. A few coppers fall from 
	his hand on to the shove-halfpenny board just as the crucial point has 
	been made. The men glare at him. Embarrassed, he moves away and without 
	looking, places his glass on the skittles table just as a player swings 
	the string, which hits Ringo's glass. More embarrassed, RINGO backs 
	away, unfortunately into the pin-table just as a winning score is about 
	to be reached. He bumps it very slightly, but enough to cause it to 
	TILT. He then moves to the dart board. By this time most of the pub is 
	staring at him. With great style he takes the darts. The first throw 
	goes into a cheese sandwich which a man is pointing in demonstration. 
	The second we see arrive into a pint of bitter and then we see RINGO 
	shoot the third dart and hear the sound of the parrot shouting angrily, 
	off. The BARMAID has had enough.

				BARMAID 
		Right ... On your way!

				RINGO 
		Y'what?

				BARMAID 
		You heard, on your way, troublemaker!

	Now the centre of attention, RINGO backs out of the pub, followed by 
	every eye in the place, the BARMAID and a few players following him to 
	the door ... 

70.	EXTERIOR  STREET OUTSIDE PUB

	RINGO comes out and crosses road, watched by the POLICEMAN who is now 
	quite suspicious.

71.	EXTERIOR  STREET

	PAUL comes down the street looking about him for RINGO. In the street 
	is an old building, the sort of place that is highly favoured for TV 
	rehearsals. There is a sign on the door, "TV Rehearsal Room." As PAUL 
	draws near, a load of actors and extras, etc. are leaving, they are in 
	costume, they are the ones who earlier had been going to a word 
	rehearsal. When PAUL gets near the entrance he decides to go inside.

72.	INTERIOR  HALL

	PAUL enters and wanders about. He reaches a door, pushes it open and 
	looks in. He sees a GIRL clad in period costume. She is moving around 
	the room and obviously acting. PAUL watches her for a moment and then 
	decides to go in.

73.	INTERIOR  REHEARSAL ROOM

	PAUL goes into the room. The GIRL is in mid-flight. She is very young 
	and lovely and completely engrossed in what she is doing. The room is 
	absolutely empty except for PAUL and herself. She is acting in the 
	manner of an eighteenth-century coquette, or, to be precise, the voice 
	English actresses use when they think they are being true to the 
	costume period ... her youth however makes it all very charming.

				GIRL 
		If I believed you, sir, I might do those things 
		and walk those ways only to find myself on 
		Problem's Path. But I cannot believe you, and 
		all those urgings serve only as a proof that you 
		will lie and lie again to gain your purpose with 
		me.

	She dances lightly away from an imaginary lover and as she turns she 
	sees PAUL who is as engrossed in the scene as she was.

				GIRL 
			(surprised) 
		Oh!

				PAUL 
			(enthusiastically) 
		Well ... go 'head, do the next bit.

				GIRL 
		Go away! You've spoilt it.

				PAUL 
		Oh, sorry I spoke.

	He makes no attempt to go. He simply continues to look steadily at the 
	girl; then he smiles at her. She is undecided what to do next.

				GIRL 
		Are you supposed to be here?

				PAUL 
		I've got you worried, haven't I?

				GIRL 
		I'm warning you, they'll be back in a minute.

				PAUL 
		D'you know something, "They" don't worry me at 
		all. Anyroad, I only fancy listening to you 
		... that's all but if it worries you ... 
		well ...

				GIRL 
		You're from Liverpool, aren't you?

				PAUL 
			(ironically) 
		How'd you guess?

				GIRL 
			(seriously) 
		Oh, it's the way you talk.

				PAUL 
			(innocently) 
		Is it ... is it, really?

				GIRL 
			(suspiciously) 
		Are you pulling my leg?

				PAUL 
			(looking her straight in the eye)
		Something like that.

				GIRL 
			(unsure) 
		I see. 
			(airily) 
		Do you like the play?

				PAUL 
		Yeah ... I mean, sure, well, I took it at 
		school but I only ever heard boys and masters 
		saying those lines, like, sounds different on a 
		girl. 
			(smiles to himself) 
		Yeah, it's gear on a girl.

				GIRL 
		Gear?

				PAUL 
		Aye, the big hammer, smashing!

				GIRL 
		Thank you.

				PAUL 
		Don't mench ... well, why don't you give us a 
		few more lines, like?

	GIRL pouts.

				PAUL 
		You don't half slam the door in people's faces, 
		do you? I mean, what about when you're playing 
		the part, like, hundreds of people'll see you 
		and ...

				GIRL 
			(cutting in) 
		I'm not ...

				PAUL 
		Oh, you're the understudy, sort of thing?

				GIRL 
		No. 
			(aggressively) 
		I'm a walk-on in a fancy dress scene. I just 
		felt like doing those lines.

				PAUL 
		Oh, I see. You are an actress though, aren't 
		you?

				GIRL 
		Yes.

				PAUL 
		Aye, I knew you were.

				GIRL 
		What's that mean?

				PAUL 
		Well, the way you were spouting, like .... 
			(he imitates her) 
		"I don't believe you, sir..." and all that.
		Yeah, it was gear.

				GIRL 
			(dryly) 
		The big hammer?

				PAUL 
			(smiling) 
		Oh aye, a sledge.

				GIRL 
		But the way you did it then sounded so phony.

				PAUL 
		No ... I wouldn't say that ... just like an 
		actress ... you know.

	He moves and stands about like an actress.

				GIRL 
		But that's not like a real person at all.

				PAUL 
		Aye well, actresses aren't like real people, 
		are they?

				GIRL 
		They ought to be.

				PAUL 
		Oh, I don't know, anyroad up, they never are, 
		are they?

				GIRL 
			(teasingly) 
		What are you?

				PAUL 
		I'm in a group ... well ... there are four of 
		us, we play and sing.

				GIRL 
		I bet you don't sound like real people.

				PAUL 
		We do, you know. We sound like us having a ball. 
		It's fab.

				GIRL 
		Is it really fab or are you just saying that to 
		convince yourself?

				PAUL 
		What of? Look, I wouldn't do it unless I was. 
		I'm dead lucky 'cos I get paid for doing 
		something I love doing. 

	He laughs and with a gesture takes in the whole studio 

				PAUL 
		... all this and a jam butty too!!

				GIRL 
		I only enjoy acting for myself. I hate it when 
		other people are let in.

				PAUL 
		Why? I mean, which are you, scared or selfish?

				GIRL 
		Why selfish?

				PAUL 
		Well, you've got to have people to taste your 
		treacle toffee.

	She looks at him in surprise.

				PAUL 
		No, hang on, I've not gone daft. You see, when 
		I was little me mother let me make some treacle 
		toffee one time in our back scullery. When I'd 
		done she said to me, "Go and give some to the 
		other kids." So, I said I would but I thought 
		to meself, "She must think I'm soft." Anyroad, 
		I was eating away there but I wanted somebody 
		else to know how good it was so in the end I 
		wound up giving it all away ... but I didn't 
		mind, mind, 'cos I'd made the stuff in the 
		first place. Well ... that's why you need 
		other people... an audience ... to taste your 
		treacle toffee, like. Eh ... does that sound 
		as thickheaded to you as it does to me?

				GIRL 
		Not really but I'm probably not a toffee maker. 
		How would you do those lines of mine?

				PAUL 
		Well, look at it this way, I mean, when you 
		come right down to it, that girl, she's a bit 
		of a scrubber, isn't she?

				GIRL 
		Is she?

				PAUL 
		Of course ... Look, if she was a Liverpool 
		scrubber ...
			(Paul starts acting a Liverpool girl,
			he minces about then turns, extending
			his leg)
		Eh, fella, you want to try pulling the other 
		one, it's got a full set of bells hanging off 
		it ... Y'what? ... I know your sort, two cokes 
		and a packet of cheese and onion crisps and
		suddenly it's love and we're stopping in an
		empty shop doorway. You're just after me body
		and y'can't have it ... so there!!

				GIRL
			(shattered)
		And you honestly think that's what she meant?

				PAUL 
		Oh, definitely, it sticks out a mile, she's 
		trying to get him to marry her but he doesn't 
		want ... well ... I don't reckon any fella's 
		ever wanted to get married. But girls are 
		like that, clever and cunning. You've got to 
		laugh.

	He laughs.

				GIRL 
		Well, it's nice to know you think we're clever.

				PAUL 
			(grinning) 
		And cunning.

				GIRL 
		And what do you do about it?

				PAUL 
		Me? Oh, I don't have the time, I'm always 
		running about with the lads ... no, we don't 
		have the time.

				GIRL 
		Pity.

				PAUL 
			(not noticing the invitation)
		Aye, it is but as long as you get by, it's 
		all right, you know ... bash on, happy valley's 
		when they let you stop. Anyroad, I'd better 
		get back.

				GIRL 
		Yes.

				PAUL 
			(going) 
		See you.

				GIRL 
		Of course.

	PAUL stands at the doorway, shrugs then goes out. 

74.	EXTERIOR  STREET

	In the street, workmen are collecting shovels, drinking tea and doing 
	all the things people do around building sites. RINGO mooches around. 
	In the road is a hole with a diameter of about 3 feet, and at least 6 
	feet deep. RINGO looks down and a man is busily working at the bottom 
	of the hole. He glares at RINGO. After a moment RINGO turns away. We 
	now see a very elegant young lady coming towards RINGO. She is daintily 
	avoiding a series of puddles. RINGO has an idea and does a Sir Walter 
	Raleigh with his large Mac spreading it over one of the puddles. The 
	girl walks across it smiling graciously. RINGO proceeds with the coat 
	to the next puddle and to the next backing gradually towards the hole. 
	At last he spreads the coat, without noticing what he is doing, over 
	the hole. The girl steps onto the coat and disappears sharply. RINGO 
	looks down the hole where the girl is held in the workman's arms. The 
	workman rises out of the manhole until he is waist height. At this 
	point an elegantly dressed gentleman appears (the girl's husband) he 
	looks at his wife in the workman's arms and hits the workman. RINGO 
	backs away through the puddles, and is nicked by the POLICEMAN.

	[Scenes 75 and 76 deleted in revision.]

77.	INTERIOR  T.V. THEATRE  NEAR STAGE DOOR 
 
	The DIRECTOR is pacing up and down the corridor. NORM is also walking 
	up and down, SHAKE is leaning against the wall quite unconcerned. NORM 
	gives SHAKE a push. 

				NORM 
		Worry, will you! 
 
	SHAKE adjusts his features to a worrying expression. 
 
				DIRECTOR 
			(bitterly) 
		Well, that's it, two minutes to the final 
		run-through... they're bound to miss it... 
 
				NORM 
		I'll murder that Lennon. 
 
				DIRECTOR 
		But I suppose we can survive a missed 
		run-through as long... 
 
				SHAKE
		... as they head up for the show. Oh yes, well 
		I mean it'ud be a pity to miss the show, 
		wouldn't it like. 
 
				NORM 
		Shurrup, cheerful. 
 
	The horrible prospect hits the DIRECTOR. 
 
				DIRECTOR 
		You don't think... 
 
				NORM 
			(reassuring him) 
		They'll be here. 
 
				DIRECTOR 
		Oh now, they can't do that to me. 
			(turning on Norm) 
		It's all your fault. 
			(overriding Norm) 
		Oh yes it is and if they don't turn up I 
		wouldn't be in your shoes for all the... 
 
				SHAKE 
			(helping out)
		... tea in China. Oh you're right, neither 
		would I. 
 
	He steps away from NORM and stands near the DIRECTOR. 
 
				NORM 
		Traitor! 
 
	SHAKE nods his agreement to this assessment of his character. 
 
				SHAKE 
		Of course. 
 
	At this moment JOHN, GEORGE and PAUL enter from the stage door. They 
	are completely unconcerned and walk past the DIRECTOR, SHAKE and NORM. 
 
				JOHN 
			(as he passes by) 
		Hi Norm! 
 
				NORM 
			(preoccupied) 
		Hi, our lot! 
 
	The BOYS walk on when after a moment NORM snaps to. 
 
				NORM
		Our lot! 
 
				GEORGE 
			(mildly) 
		Did you want something. 
 
				NORM 
			(beaming with delight) 
		I could eat the lot of you. 
 
				JOHN 
		You'd look gear with an apple in your gob. 
 
				DIRECTOR 
			(accusingly) 
		Do you realise you could have missed the final 
		run-through? 
 
				GEORGE 
		Sorry. 
 
				SHAKE 
		Eh, there's only three of them. 
 
				PAUL
		Aye, we were looking for Ringo. But we realised 
		he must have come back. 
 
				DIRECTOR 
		Do you realise we are on the air, live, in 
		front of an audience, in forty-five minutes and 
		you're one short. 
 
				JOHN 
		Control yourself or you'll spurt. He's bound to 
		be somewhere. 
 
				NORM 
		Aye, let's try the dressing room. 
  
	Everyone starts along the passage. NORM and PAUL last. 
 
				PAUL 
		Eh, where's my grandfather? 
 
				NORM 
		Don't worry about him. He can look after 
		himself. 
 
				PAUL 
		Aye, I suppose so. 
 
	They run after the others. 
 
78.	EXTERIOR  T.V. THEATRE  CLOSE-UP
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Here they are, personally signed and 
		handwritten by your own sweet boys. The chance 
		of a lifetime. Be the envy of your less 
		fortunate sisters! 

	The CAMERA PULLS back and we see GRANDFATHER is surrounded by girls who 
	have broken from the queue and are doing a brisk trade with the old 
	man. He has a large sign on which is written: "Get your genuine 
	autographed Beatles photographs." On the edge of the crowd two 
	POLICEMEN are trying to force the girls back into the queue. Finally 
	they wade through the girls and confront GRANDFATHER. They look at the 
	old man quizzically; he stares back coldly. They indicate he should hop 
	it and quick but GRANDFATHER defiantly glares back at them. So with a 
	sigh, they grab an arm each and escort the old man off. 
 
79.	INTERIOR  POLICE STATION

	It is the reception desk and behind it is the DESK SERGEANT. After a 
	moment RINGO is dragged in by the POLICEMAN we saw him with before. 
 
				RINGO 
		Look, I'm Ringo Starr... I've got a show to do 
		in a few minutes you've got to let me go... I'm 
		Ringo...
 
				POLICEMAN 
		Sure, they all say that these days ... Anyway 
		... I don't care who you are... you can save 
		that for the stipendary. Here you are, Sarge. 
 
				SERGEANT 
		What is he? 
 
				POLICEMAN 
			(reeling off the list) 
		I've got a little list here. Wandering abroad. 
		Malicious intent. Acting in a suspicious manner. 
		Conduct liable to cause a breach of the peace. 
		You name it, he's done it. 
 
				SERGEANT 
		Oh, a little savage, is he? 
 
				POLICEMAN 
		A proper Aborigine. 
 
				RINGO 
			(on his dignity) 
		I demand to see me solicitor. 
 
				SERGEANT 
		What's his name? 
 
				RINGO 
		Oh, well if you're going to get technical --
 
	At that moment there is a loud series of noises off camera, furious 
	shouting and dull crashes of wood. 
 
				SERGEANT 
		Hello, it's going to be one of those nights, is 
		it? 
			(to policeman) 
		Sit Charley Peace down over there. 
 
	The POLICEMAN takes RINGO to a bench and sits him down as GRANDFATHER 
	and the two POLICEMEN who were with him enter. The sign is	tattered 
	and is being lugged after them. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Well, you got me here so do your worst but I'll 
		take one of you with me. 
			(kicks the nearest policeman) 
		Oh, I know your game, get me in the tiled room 
		and out come the rubber hoses but I'll defy you 
		still. 
 
				SERGEANT 
		Is there a fire, then? 
 
	GRANDFATHER leans across the desk and hisses at the SERGEANT. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		You ugly, great brute you, you have sadism 
		stamped all over your bloated British kisser. 
 
				SERGEANT 
		Eh? 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		I'll go on a hunger strike. I know your caper. 
		The kidney punch and the rabbit-clout. The 
		third degree and the size twelve boot 
		ankle-tap. 
 
				SERGEANT 
		What's he on about? 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
			(squaring up) 
		I'm soldier of the Republic, you'll need the 
		mahogany truncheon for this boyo. A nation once 
		again.
 
				SERGEANT 
			(to policemen) 
		Get Lloyd George over there with that mechanic 
		in the cloth cap while I sort this lot out. 
  
	The POLICEMEN hurtle GRANDFATHER firmly but gently over to the bench on 
	which RINGO is sitting and then return to the desk for a whispered 
	conference with the SERGEANT. Meanwhile in full conspiratorial fashion 
	GRANDFATHER talks to RINGO out of the side of his mouth. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Ringo, me old scout, they grabbed yer leg for 
		the iron too, did they? 
 
				RINGO 
		Well I'm not exactly a voluntary patient. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Shush! Have they roughed you up yet? 
 
				RINGO 
		What? 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
			(whispering) 
		Keep your voice down, this lot'll paste you, 
		just for the exercise. Oh they're a desperate 
		crew of drippings and they've fists like 
		matured hams for pounding defenceless lads like 
		you. 
 
				RINGO 
			(disturbed) 
		Have they? 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		That sergeant's a body-blow veteran if ever I 
		measured one. One of us has got to escape. I'll
		get the boys. Hold on son, I'll be back for you. 
 
				RINGO 
			(horrified) 
		Me! 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		And if they get you on the floor watch out for 
		your brisket. 
 
				RINGO 
			(hopefully) 
		Oh, they seem all right to me. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		That's what they want you to think. All coppers 
		are villains. 
 
				SERGEANT 
			(calling) 
		Would you two like a cup of tea? 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		You see, sly villains. 
 
				RINGO 
			(miserable) 
		No thanks, Mr. Sergeant, sir.
 
	We now have a CLOSE SHOT of POLICEMEN around the sergeant's desk. 
 
				SERGEANT 
		So you just brought the old chap out of the 
		crowd for his own good. 
 
				POLICEMAN 
		Yeah, but he insisted on us bringing him to the 
		station.  

				SERGEANT 
		Well, he can't stop here.
 
	Shot of GRANDFATHER watching POLICEMEN intently and muttering words as 
	he does. 
 
				RINGO 
		What are you doing? 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Lip reading. 
 
				RINGO 
		What are they saying? 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Nothing good. 
 
	The POLICEMEN make a move towards GRANDFATHER and RINGO. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Well son, it's now or never. 
 
	He jumps to his feet and scurries towards the door. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		All right, you paid assassins. Johnny 
		McCartney'll give you a run for your threepence 
		ha'penny. 
 
	He dashes out of the door followed by the POLICEMAN who has his pile of 
	photos. 
 
				SERGEANT 
		Now, what's he up to? 
 
				RINGO 
		He's allergic to Bobbies, especially English 
		Bobbies. 
 
	The POLICEMAN with the photos returns. 
 
				POLICEMAN 
			(Irish accent) 
		Your man disappeared like a leveret over a hill.  

				RINGO 
		Turncoat! 
 
	The POLICEMEN turn on RINGO and walk towards him. 

	CLOSE-UP  RINGO 
 
				RINGO 
		Mother! 
 
80.	EXTERIOR  STREET 
 
	GRANDFATHER is running at top speed down the street. He is breathing 
	heavily and runs as if pursued by the hounds of hell. The street 
	however is entirely empty and no one is even in sight. As he reaches 
	the top of the street he pauses and turning, looks around him. From his 
	P.O.V. we see just how empty the street is and heaving a sigh of relief 
	GRANDFATHER cackles to himself. His triumph is short lived. At this 
	precise moment down the street comes a parade of police vehicles, a 
	Black Maria, an escorting police motor bike patrol and an ordinary 
	squad car. The procession draws up and the street is full of policemen 
	getting out of the Black Maria and squad car and off motor bikes.

	CLOSE-UP  GRANDFATHER's horrified face. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Be God, they've called up reinforcements, the 
		dragnet's out! 
 
	He dashes off wildly in the general direction of the theatre. He has 
	been completely unnoticed by the policemen who are lining up for a last 
	minute inspection by the inspector in charge. The inspector is like a 
	commander-in-chief of a spear-head attack force. 
 
	They smartly march off in the direction taken by GRANDFATHER. 
 
81.	INTERIOR  T.V. THEATRE  CONTROL ROOM
 
				DIRECTOR 
			(watching the clock) 
		Only half an hour and you're on! 
 
				GEORGE 
		Can I say something? 
 
	The director clutches at any straw. 
 
				DIRECTOR 
			(hopefully) 
		Yes, anything. 
 
				GEORGE 
			(earnestly) 
		It's highly unlikely we'll be on... I mean the 
		law of averages are against you and it seems 
		that, etc., etc....
 
	But his speech is drowned by the pitiful moans of the DIRECTOR. 
 
82.	EXTERIOR  T.V. THEATRE  STAGE DOOR

	The four little boys from the canal are being driven away by the 
	security guard. 
 
				GUARD 
			(going back into theatre) 
		I'll have the hides off of you lot. 
 
	The kids retreat as GRANDFATHER pants into shot, ignoring the kids he 
	enters the stage door but in a second he is out again, grasped firmly 
	by the collar by the security guard. 
 
				GUARD 
		You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Go home! 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		I must see Pauly. 
 
				GUARD 
		Go home then and see him on the telly. 
 
	The GUARD re-enters the stage door. 

	GRANDFATHER looks around him and sees the four kids. He hustles over 
	and after a whispered conference we hear his offer. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Can you fix him for me? 
 
				BOYS 
		Yeah. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Sixpence. 
 
				BOY 
		Each? 
 
	GRANDFATHER is about to argue. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		Oh, all right. 
 
				BOY 
		And in advance. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
			(disgusted)
		Mercenary! 

	But he hands over the money. The kids rush in the stage door and after 
	a moment the furious GUARD chases them out and down the alley. 
	GRANDFATHER, chuckling, nips in the door. 
 
83.	INTERIOR  T.V. CONTROL ROOM  ON STAGE 

	GRANDFATHER is being chased by several studio attendants; he is dodging 
	behind equipment. He finally gets on a sound boom trolley and uses it 
	as a weapon to keep his pursuers at bay. 
 
84.	INTERIOR  T.V. CONTROL ROOM  

	The DIRECTOR, BOYS, and NORM and SHAKE see GRANDFATHER on the monitors. 
	They dash out of the room and on to the stage.
 
				DIRECTOR 
			(shouting) 
		It's all right, leave him alone. 

				PAUL 
		Grandad, where's Ringo? 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		The police have the poor unfortunate lad in the 
		Bridewell. 
 
				BOYS 
		The police station. 
 
				GRANDFATHER 
		He'll be pulp by now. 
 
				JOHN 
		What are we waiting for? 
 
				GEORGE 
		Come here. 

	PAUL, JOHN and GEORGE rush off.

	CLOSE-UP DIRECTOR

				DIRECTOR 
		We've only got twenty minutes. 
 
85.	EXTERIOR  STREET OUTSIDE POLICE STATION 
 
	PAUL, JOHN and GEORGE come running down the street in single file, 
	their knees  high in the air, they skid to a halt at the police station 
	and without pausing they dash inside. After a moment they reappear -- 
	only this time RINGO is behind them. They dash off down the street. 
	They are followed at once by ten POLICEMEN also in single file. They 
	are also pounding along knees high in the air. The BOYS and the coppers 
	disappear around the corner. At once, they reappear from the other 
	direction, then run down the street still followed by the policemen. 
	When they reach the police station another group of police bars their 
	way so they are forced to run up the stairs and inside. 
 
86.	INTERIOR  POLICE STATION 
 
	The DESK SERGEANT is standing behind his desk looking very surprised. 
	At this moment the boys run in and stand panting in front of the desk. 
	Before the SERGEANT can start speaking the pursuing POLICEMEN arrive.  
	They, too, are out of breath.
 
				SERGEANT 
		What is all this? 
 
				JOHN 
			(heaving and panting) 
		Hold on until we get our breath. 
 
	The BOYS and POLICEMEN pant on until JOHN seems to have recovered. 
 
				SERGEANT 
		All right now? 
 
				JOHN 
		Sure. 
			(to boys) 
		Ready? 
 
	The BOYS nod and without further ado they turn and run through the 
	surprised rank of POLICEMEN and out into the street. 
 
87.	EXTERIOR  STREET
	THE CHASE CARRIES ON. 
 
	Shots of BOYS being pursued (still in single file) by police, including 
	the sergeant with one shot where the BOYS are chasing the POLICEMEN. 
	Finally, as they approach the theatre, they are seen by the girl fans 
	who swarm around the police, over running them. The boys grin to each 
	other and are about to make off when from their P.O.V. we see the 
	INSPECTOR and POLICEMEN blocking it. 
 
				JOHN 
		Ah well, it was worth a try. 
 
				INSPECTOR 
			(calling to Sergeant) 
		What do you think you're up to? 
 
				SERGEANT 
		Arrest those boys, sir. 
 
				INSPECTOR 
		That's all we need to start a real riot! 
			(to Boys) 
		Come on lads, they're waiting for you. 
 
###	INTERIOR  THEATRE BACKSTAGE 

	The Inspector now hustles the BOYS through the crowds and in through 
	the main entrance of the theatre where SHAKE and NORM are waiting. NORM 
	looks suspiciously at RINGO who is still wearing his cap. RINGO whips 
	it off and NORM delightedly hugs him. The BOYS dash through the stalls 
	entrance and on stage. The DIRECTOR sees them and bursts into tears 
	with relief. NORM hustles the lads into the wings to be changed into 
	their show costumes. All around them last-minute preparations are going 
	on. 
 
				DIRECTOR
		Boys, you don't know what this means to me. If 
		you hadn't come back it would have been the 
		epilogue or the news in Welsh for life.

				NORM
		Aren't you supposed to be in that box?

	The DIRECTOR gives NORM a final glare and dashes off.

				PAUL
		And another thing, where's that old mixer?

				GRANDFATHER
		Here, Pauly.

	And sitting on a box sadly chastened sits GRANDFATHER.

				PAUL
		Well, I got a few things to say to you,
		two-faced John McCartney.

				JOHN 
		Aw, leave him alone Paul, he's back, isn't he? 
		And it's not his fault he's old.

				PAUL 
			(hotly) 
		What's old got to do with it? 

				JOHN 
		You needn't bother.

				PAUL 
		Y'what?

				JOHN 
		Practising to be thick-headed, you're there 
		already.

				PAUL 
		Look he's a mixer and a trouble maker!

				JOHN 
		That's right, but he's only asking us to pay 
		attention to him, aren't you?

	From JOHN's P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER. He looks what he is, a tired old 
	man.

				JOHN 
		You see. 
			(to Grandad) 
		You know your trouble -- you should have gone 
		West to America. You'd have wound up a Senior 
		Citizen of Boston. As it is you took the wrong 
		turning and what happened, you're a lonely old 
		man from Liverpool.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(fighting back) 
		But I'm clean.

	The BOYS giggle and slap him on the back.

88.	INTERIOR  TV THEATRE AUDITORIUM

	We see the audience of girls streaming in and settling down in their 	
	places for the show. There is the usual business of getting the show 
	ready and we see SHOTS of the girls' faces, then JOHN, PAUL, RINGO and 
	GEORGE looking at them. At last on cue from the floor manager the BOYS 
	start their act to the audience's screams. During the number we 
	constantly CUT away to the audience with various SHOTS of the ecstatic 
	girls. In the middle of these shots we see NORM standing at the side of 
	the audience his face glowing with satisfaction. We follow his gaze and 
	from NORM'S P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER handcuffed to SHAKE, but in spite 
	of this, the old man is enjoying himself. The BOYS now perform a medley 
	of numbers, i.e., a little of all the songs we have heard during the 
	story. This gives the impression of a full set and we finish after 
	their bows. While they are doing so they look again in the general 
	direction of SHAKE and GRANDFATHER and from their P.O.V., we see SHAKE 
	is beating time to the music but from his wrist dangles an empty set of 
	handcuffs. GRANDFATHER has gone again. As the BOYS are reacting to 
	GRANDFATHER's disappearance once again, the trap door on the stage 
	opens and GRANDFATHER appears in the centre of the group as they finish 
	their act and take their final bows. 

89.	INTERIOR  STUDIO CORRIDOR

	NORM is waiting for the boys. With him are two studio attendants 
	carrying the boys' luggage. As the BOYS excitedly appear he speaks to 
	them.

				NORM 
		I've got the stuff. Come here.

				PAUL 
		Aren't we ...

				NORM 
		No, we're not!

	He hurries them along.

				NORM 
		The office was on the phone, they think it'd be 
		better if we pushed straight to Wolverhampton.  

				JOHN 
		Tonight? We can't make it ...

				NORM 
		You've got a midnight matinee.

				JOHN 
		Now, look here, Norm ...

				NORM 
		No, you look here, John. I've only one thing to 
		say to you.

				JOHN 
		What?

				NORM 
		You're a swine. So hurry up ... we're 
		travelling!

	NORM turns down a side exit where the door is open to the field. In it 
	is an eight-passenger helicopter.

90.	EXTERIOR  STAGE DOOR  T.V. THEATRE

	The BOYS and NORM come out of the building and start to run towards 
	the helicopter.

				PAUL 
			(looking behind him) 
		Where's my grandfather?

				NORM 
			(arriving at helicopter door) 
		Don't start. Look.

	The boys look in the passenger bay and there is GRANDFATHER. He is 
	still handcuffed to SHAKE but clutching his pile of photos.

				GRANDFATHER 
			(beckoning them in with his 
			free hand which holds the photos) 
		Come on, you're hanging up the parade.

	The boys shout "Get rid of those things, etc."

91.	EXTERIOR  FIELD

	The final shot is of the helicopter rising up (SHOT FROM BELOW). As it 
	disappears, a shower of photos come from its window.

	We cut to a CLOSE-UP of one signed photo as it hits the ground and 
	SUPER the closing credits over it.










Screenplay by Alun Owen