Cthulhu takes on the Holiday spirit


In the spirit of the upcoming holidays, I take the mantle of archivist. If your work appears but isn't credited, let me know if you care. :)

Rudolph the Red Nosed Cultist

        Rudolph the Red Nosed Cultist
        had a few insanities
        and if you ever saw him
        he'll be chanting with great glee
        Cthulhu fthagn Ia - aa
        He is sleeping 'neath the foam
        as he stared out the window
        through the bars where he made his home
        Then one foggy moon streaked eve
        Cthulhu came to say
        Rudolph with your mind so brave
        won't you be my eternal slave
        then all the other cultists
        join Rudolph the mighty high priest
        has joined Cthulhu in his lair.

Over the River and through the Woods

        Over the River and through the Woods
        To the Plateau of Leng we go
        We hope that someday
        we can finally say
        that we saw the god on the slooo ope

        Over the River and through the Woods
        To Kadath so cold we go
        Nightgaunts pull the sleigh
        to hurry their way
        past the Shantaks O, we hooo ope

        Over the River and through the Woods
        I fear that we've gone too far
        the Gods don't condone
        a mortal at home
        farewell those who listened this far......
Ask and ye shall receive. Here are a few more gems from the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society Solstice Carol Songbook. Don't sing them out loud lest you incur the wrath of eldritch horrors or appalled fundamentalists.

The Carol of the Old Ones

lyrics by A.H. Leman to the tune of Carol of the Bells by M. Leontovich
Look to the sky way up on high
There in the nigh stars now are right
Eons have passed now then at last
Whence They were penned They will descend

They will retun mankind will learn
New kinds of fear once They are here
As They reclaim all in Their name
Watch only can powerless man

Ignorant fools mankind now rules
Where They ruled then it's Theirs again
Madness will reign terror and pain
Woes without ry scary scary scary Solstice
Very very very scary Solstice

Up from the sea from underground
Down from the sky They're all around
They will retun mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when They are here

They will return

(followed by a glorious arrangement of four part harmonies.)
A few more samplings from the HPLHS Solstice Carol Songbook (1989 ed.)

O Come All Ye Deep Ones

Lyrics by A.H. Leman to the tune of "O Come All Ye Faithful" by John Reading
O come all ye Deep Ones,
Mi-Go, Ghouls and Nightgaunhts;
Come foul Shub Niggurath and all Ancient Ones.
Come Great Cthulhom the ocean.

CHORUS
O come, let us abhor them,
O come, let us abhor them,
O come, let us abhor them,
Scream, run and hide.

Their old dominion
Mankind now rules blithely,
Stars turning overhead to bring forth his doom.
They will  return here, greedy and malevolent.
CHORUS

Great Old Ones Are Coming to Town

You'd better watch out; you better go hide.
And Elder Sign's needed for this Yuletide
Great Old Ones are comin to town.nd shaking it twice.
They're going to hit you, naughty or nice.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.

They're bringing ugly Shuggoths,
And horrid Deep Ones too,
Shub Niggurath is waking up
And so is Cthulhu

So you better watch out, you'd better go 'way,
Before the big guy comes up from R'lyeh.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.

"Give Me That Old Time Religion" which went:

We'll bow down to Great Cthulu
He's cold, and mean, and cruel, too
He doesn't want to rule you
He just wants your soul
Jeff

>If any one knows any great song lyrics, please post or e-mail! I >am particularly interested in a Cthulhu song to TINY TOON melody!
We're slimy, we're squishy, we're all a little fishy,
You humans are delishy and we're feasting on your brains!

We're abysmal creatures, with gross horrific features -
Against Cthulhoid cult preachers the good guys go insane!

So here's Miskatonic U where all the creatures dwell.
Take a look at a mythos book and find yourself in hell!

Your guns aren't defective - they just aren'tective.
Our feast of human flesh and souls is tasting swell!

Your magic and voodoo will not stop great Cthulhu;
Don't eat with the Tchoo Tchoo; the Migo steal your brain!

Here's Narly, Tsathoggua, and over there's Cthuga.
Don't forget Ithaqqua, and Hastur hates his name!

So here's dread R'lyeh where the angles a wrong.
You'll lose your soul and go insane if you stay here too long!

We're slimy, we're squishy, we're all a little fishy.
Our feast of human flesh and souls is gonna start!

And now we'll eat your heart.
Well, I seriously doubt this falls under the category of "great" lyrics, but here's a little ditty I adapted in honor of my favorite alien horrors...
To the tune of "Mammal" by They Might be Giants (used w/o permission, of course...)

_Mi-Go_

by Bill Keyes, apologies to HPL and John and John.
Chitin shell,
Standing in between extinction in the cold
And explosive radiating growth.
So the ichor flows
Through the large membrainous wings.
Carrying the very strange brain-cylinders that they have.

Mi-Go, Mi-Go (Mi-Go, Mi-Go)
Their nlaw.
The wings, the things,
Ugly and mean,
Fungoid and green.

One of us might lose his mind,
When he's reminded that they once were here,
>From the Mezozoic era, to the cold high Himalayas.
So the ichor flows
Through the large membrainous wings.
Speaking in the very strange high pitched insect buzzing noise.

Mi-Go, Mi-Go
Their names are called,claw.
The wings, the things,
Ugly and mean, 
Fungoid and green.

Azothoth the father of its sister Shub-Niggurath.
Their cousin called Yog-Sothoth,
Sleeping uncle Great Cthulhu.

Mi-Go, Mi-Go
Their names are called,
They raise a claw. 
The wings, the things,
Ugly and mean,
Fungoid and green.
The Ghast, the ghoul,
Deep One, and Dhole,
Byakhee, Elder Thing.
Another one, to the tune of "like a virgin".

LIKE AZATHOTH

I made it through the Hounds
Somehow I made it through
Way out from Tindalos
Until the Act was one

I was lost, and alone
I was deaf, neither could I see
And it made me grow
Yes it made me grow
Exponentially

CHORUS:
Like Azathoth
Here since the very First Time
Like Azathoth
Overboiling, dumb and blind

Gonna crush all 
>From the Universe's center
A Nuclear Chaos broadcast

You're so fine, and you're mine
Since the Beginning of the Time
Oh, your organs sprout out
Yes, your organs sprout out
'Cause my gravity's so high

CHORUS

You're so fine, and you're mine
I am the Sultan of Demons
And you make me feel
Yeah you make me feel
Nothing at all

CHORUS

Like Azathoth, ooh, ooh
Like Azathoth
Feels so good inside
When they're piping, and they're yelling, and we're shaking

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby
Can't you feel my mass pulse
Since the very First Time

Sung to the Theme of the Beverly Hillbillies

Well, let me tell you a little story 'bout a migo named 'Fred'.
A poor mountain miner, barely kept his fungi fed.
And then one day when he was scooping out a brain...
Along came an ooze that popped right out of the drain.
Shoggoth that is, Elder Thing goo, R'lyeh tea.
Well next thing you know 'ole Fred got swallowed whole, 
the other migo turned and said "That thing just got Fred's soul!"
They all pulled out their shiny guns and aimed it at the slime..
But the shoggoth ate them one and all in record setting time..

Sung to the tune of Camptown Races

Who's the Elder God we fear?
Cthulhu, Cthulhu!
Who sleeps on from year to year?
Cthulhu is his name.
Going to pray all night
Going to chant all day
'Til he rises from the ocean floor
Then we will run away!

Sung to the tune of The Beatles' "Octopus' Garden"

I'd hate to play under R'leyh
in big Cthulhu's garden in a cave.
H know where we'd been
in his big Cthulhu garden in a cave.
I'd hate my friends to come and see big ol'
Cthulhu's garden with me.

I'd hate to play under R'leyh
in big Cthulhu's garden in a cave.
He'd keep us whole, just eat our soul
in his monstrous hideaway beneath the waves.
Keeping us loose, hanged in a noose
in big Cthulhu's garden in a cave.
We would scream and shout out loud,
'cause we know we'll never be found.

I'd hate to play under R'leyh
in big Cthulhu's garden in a cave.
We would shout and flounder about
the tentacles beneath the ocean waves.
Oh what fear for every little dear,
knowing their minds are gone away.
We would be there to tell us what to do.

I'd hate to play under R'leyh
in big Cthulhu's garden with you.

Sung to the tune of Cecilia (Simon & Garfunkel)

CHORUS: 
Cthulhu, you're breaking my mind.
My sanity's vanishing daily!
Oh, Cthulhu, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you, please -- go away,
Go away!

I picked up this ancient book
By some guy named Abdul Al-Haz'red (Al-Haz'red)
Read two chapters; now it seems
You're disturbing my days and you're haunting my dreams.

CHORUS

Half-awake in the early morn
With my lover sleeping by my side (by my side)
When I feel a nameless dread
And I turn on the light, I find g out in the afternoon
In a room at Miskatonic U (hiding out)
Elder Signs from ceiling to floor,
And there's star-stones to block off the windows and door.

Consternation!  He's found me again,
I crawl in the closet and shiver.
Consternation!  He's found me again,
I crawl in the closet and shiver.....
Kevin Ingle - Anything I say will be denied.
Learn the chants.

God Rest Ye Scary Great Old Ones

God Rest Ye Scary Great Old Ones
God rest ye scary great old ones;
Let everything dismay.
Remember Great Cthulhu shall rise up from R'lyeh
To kill us all with tentacles
If we should go his way.

CHORUS
O tidings of madness and woe, madness and woe
O tidings of madness and woe!

In Yuggoth an din Aldebraan
The Great Old Ones were spawned
Imprisoned by the Elder Gods to wait for eons,
Enticing humans to release them,
Ch
An arab said: "That is not dead
Which can eternal lie,
And with Strange Eons even death may die."
The Great Old Ones will rule once more
And all will be destroyed.
CHORUS
or, hearken to the pleasant sounds of

The Solstice Song

Victims roasting on an open fire,
Deep Ones ripping off your nose,
Mindless chanting 'round the funeral pyre
And folks strung up by their toes.
Ev'rybody knows how festive open wounds can be;
You'll go crazy at the sight.
Tiny tots with their eyeballs aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know Cthulhu's on his way;
The beast is rising from the depths of dark R'lyeh.
And ev'ry mother's child is gonna cry
And beg for mercy and pray quickly to die.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety two;
Although its been said many times, many ways,
"Barra na zu absu."
Strange but true. Many more available upon request. And, if you're looking for someoneian soft sculptures, I know the man. I will ask him to post here
About a week ago I posted a couple of Cthuloid parodies of classic Christmas carols to the net. Since at least one person liked them, I came up with Enjoy (hopefully!)

H.P. the Writer (as sung to Frosty the Snowman)

        H.P. the Writer
        Wasn't happy so we're told
        With his horrid health
        and his lack of wealth
        he wrote tales to make blood cold

        H.P. the Writer
        Got an idea in his head
        We weren't meant to know
        of the things below
        He would make up more instead

        There must have been a reason
        for the strange names that he chose
        When you first read of Cthulhu
        You couldn't pronounce it, we all know

        H.P. the Writer
        Shuffled off this mortal coil
        Now in Providence
        he's behind a fence,
        buried underneath the soil

Azathoth (sung to Jingle Bells)

        Azathoth
        Azathoth
        Azathoth, the King
        Center of the Universe,
        Insanity he brings,   Hey!

        Azathoth
        Azathoth
        Azathoth, the King
        Center of the Universe
        Insanity he brings

        Writhing round the place
        Insane pipers pipe
        Takes up lots of space
        The stars are getting ripe

        R'Lyeh soon may rise
        Nyarlathotep plots
        Earth will be the prize
        We'll all lose our spots,  Ohhh

        Azathoth
        Azathoth
        Azathoth, the King
        Center of the Universe
        IN - SANITY HEEEE   BRIIIIIIIINGS!!!!!!!!! 
From: guyfox@coyote.rain.org (Halleluiah Man)
[1] A song I wrote
Be bop Cthulhu
Gods gone crazy
Be bop Cthluhu
Clear turns hazy
Be bop Cthulhu
He's an evil god an evil god an evil god.

Nyarlythotep
Master of shuggoths
Nyarlythotep
Smells like gumdrops
Nyarlythotep
He doesn't smell like Teen Spirit, like Teen Spirit like Teen spirit.

Necronomicon
Tome of disaster
Necronomicon
Summoning 
Necronomicon
Book must not be read not be read, Must Not Be Spoken
He Whose Name
Your will will be broken
He Whose Name
He will crush your mind crush your mind crush your mind.

Mountains of Madness
Drive you insane
Mountains of madness
AAAAHHHHH!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!!!
Mountains of madness
Not a place for vacationing, not for skiing, not sight-seeing.

(C) 1993 by Wrong Element Music
>From our local net.god, I got this fragment...
"Cthulhu loves me, this I know
 For the High Prieste won't eat me, no not yet
 He's our Lord, all dank and wet (?)..."
Anyone know the rest?

Don't Go That Way

To be sung to the tune of "Achy Breaky Heart"
It started with a look
In an old and dusty book
Of things we were not really meant to know.
And now I'm running scared
>From dread beyond compare
And an invite for being dinner at Tcho Tcho's!

This house is awf'ly dark
Let's go back up to the park
But perhaps that isn't such a good path
The last time I was there,
Do you remember Blair?
He was carried off by Shub-Niggurath!

CHORUS:
Don't go that way,
I'd rather have you stay
With me in this terrifying dream
But if you go that way
I'll go the other way
And listen for your distant awful screams, aaaaauugh!

Off tin' with Voodoo
But I don't like the sound of that grim song.
Don't pull out your big gun
I'd really rather run
>From people calling evil Chaugnar Faugn.

And now they're playin' games
Like ping pong with my brains
Please believe me it's the truth I'm telling you!
For deep beneath the sea,
In slime and sawing "zees"
Is a huge and ugly Great Cthulhu.

CHORUS:
Don't go that way
I'd rather have you stay
With me in this terrifying dream
Bgo the other way
And listen for your distant awful screams, aaaaaaugh!

Don't go that way
How much should I pay
For you not to go down that deep hole
'Cause I don't have a rope
And there isn't that much hope
If you wind up annoying a big dhole, eeeeeeeww!

Don't go that way
You really ought to stay,
Your safer here of that fact I am sure
But if we decide to stay,
Be careful not to say
The name of the unnamed one called Hastur...

oops.