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With Apologies to Clement C. Moore...

From David Emery,
Your Guide to Urban Legends.
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Net Parodies of 'The Night Before Christmas'

If there is a more parodied poem in the English language than Clement Clarke Moore's "A Visit from St. Nicholas" (more popularly known as "The Night Before Christmas"), I don't know what it could possibly be. The meter of "St. Nick" is infectious, its rhyme scheme cheery and simple, its homespun, nostalgic imagery ripe for spoofing. In celebration of the holiday season, I give you a collection of links to a few of the wittier (and, in some cases, just plain strange) homages I have stumbled upon around the Net:

A Visit from St. Nicholas
(The original poem attributed to Clement C. Moore)
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...

A Biker's Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the pad,
There was nada happenin', now thats pretty bad...

A Breastfeeding Christmas
'Twas a holiday eve and the babe was asleep,
Swaddled tight in his crib he made not a peep...
(Note: This site is run by the wife of a senior About.com executive.)

A Dieter's Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
Were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips...

An Ernest Hemingway Christmas
It was the night before Christmas. The house was very quiet. No creatures were stirring in the house. There weren’t even any mice stirring...

A Florida Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town,
No noses were frozen, no snow fluttered down...

A Gambler's Christmas
'Twas the nite before Christmas, I hit the Casino,
I went there to play, More than just Keno...

A Genealogist's Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse...

An Intellectual Christmas
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as musculus...

A Laboratory Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the lab,
Not a beaker was stirring, not even our Mighty Mouse.

A Lawyer's Christmas
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse...

A Lovecraft Christmas
'Twas the night before Yuletide, and all through the hole
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Dhole...

A Mom's Christmas
It was the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode
Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode...

A NASCAR Christmas
Twas the Race before Christmas, and all thru the track
Each driver was ready to make his attack...

The Night Before Chanukah
'Twas the night before Chanukah, boichiks and maidels
Not a sound could be heard, not even the dreidels...

An OBGYN Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, and up on OB
A nurse yelled "Thick mec, I need a delee..."

A Politically Correct Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?

A Programmer's Christmas
'Twas the night before implementation, and all through the house,
Not a program was working not even a browse...

A Redneck Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin' 'cept a redneck named Taylor...

A Star Trek Christmas (I)
'Twas the night before Christmas on the Enterprise-D,
On a routine short hop to Starbase 03...

A Star Trek Christmas (II)
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip...

A Texas Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, in Texas, you know.
Way out on the prairie, without any snow...

'Twas the Month Before Christmas
'Twas the month before Christmas, and all through the store,
Each department was dripping with Yuletide decor.

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