June 4, 2008--It is time to say farewell to a glorious campaign that stretched the limits of political correctness, nepotism and stopped just a few thousand votes from obliterating one kind of glass ceiling. We will miss you, Billary Clinton; you made the last 16 months a blast. In memory of this overwhelmingly entertaining (and underwhelming-ly planned) campaign, I've compiled a top-eleven list. It's actually a hodgepodge of different events, concepts, moments and observations that made 24-hour cable news more entertaining than any network drama or sitcom for the last year and a half. And it's a top eleven list because I just like to be difficult. Let's start from the beginning.

1. Hillary's adorably horrible Southern/country accent.

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For someone who spent so much time in Arkansas, you would have thought she could have had time to work on her cuntry draaawl or suthan friiied accent. Especially considering her penchant for appealing to the hard workin' folks of the Heartland. At first, I must admit, I thought it was comically annoying, but now I think it's kind of cute. From her "Negro spiritual" accent at churches in Birmingham, to her country bumpkin speech from the bed of a truck in Indiana a few weeks ago, she showed that of all the things you learn at Wellesley, common folk dialect is not one of them. Which leads us to the next point.

2. Hillary, spokesperson for hard-working white people.

During this campaign, we have learned about the rough and tumble life and times of Mrs. Rodham Clinton. Her meager slave-wage salaries as a top-flight Yale-educated lawyer were not nearly enough to support her husband and only child. She has been forced to live in public housing for 20 of the last 30 years, either in the paltry Governor's Mansion of Arkansas or the meager dwelling of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. She fed her family from the squirrels she was able to shoot on the National Mall using the rifle skills grandpa taught her on the wild frontier of Western Pennsylvania. She was so poor that she never could afford coffee or gasoline and therefore has never learned how to pour either of them. Joe Lunchpail has definitely found a Crown Royal sipping, Budweiser guzzling, kindred spirit.

3. Kill Bill: Vol. III

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The year 2007 saw the return of America's favorite philandering politician since the Kennedys. The man that every Republican wants to castrate and every Democrat wants to consummate with. Man, we missed the comfy accent, the wagging finger, the disarming smile. It did make me nostalgic for the '90s, when you couldn't tell the difference between Meet the Press and The  Maury Show. A moment of silence for what could have been…. Speaking of Bill...

4. You do know he's black, right?

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Did you really think that the man who publicly debated the meaning of the word "is" couldn't find a way to throw racial kidney shots at the man hoping to become the country's second black president? Of all the recent politicians who won South Carolina primaries and then failed to win the party nomination, (John Edwards, for example), Jesse Jackson, for some reason, had the most in common with Barack Obama. I was waiting for Barack to be accused of having 400-yard tee shots like Tiger Woods, speaking as well as Colin Powell and womanizing like Flava Flav. But don't worry; Hillary is pretty sure he's not a Muslim…is he?

5. It's MLK day? Well, we're black too!

Could you imagine what would've happened if Hillary had met McCain in the general election? The way she swung back and forth between being tougher and blacker than Nelson Mandela, then being more congenial and whiter than Vanna White, and the way McCain turned from Martin Luther nailing a copy of the 95 Theses on the church door, to just another convert drinking the Kool-Aid, the general election would have seen a level of pandering that would have made the handlers of Mei Xiang, Tian Tian and Tai Shan green with envy. (Get it? Pandering? Snort, chuckle, gaffaw!)