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Thursday, May 01, 2008

Cinderella complex-

So I haven’t typed a blog in awhile and thought it was about time that I do so. I have a lot of good friends and I am making new ones everyday. Sometime these friends ask me for advice or better yet we just have a great conversation about life.

I would have to say I am kind of sad tonight. See when it comes to my friends I wish the best for them. I want them to have a fulfilling life beyond the norm. It is okay to live in the norm... many people do. However, when I look at my friends I see kings and queens… and the norm seems so boring when compared to the potential they have in them.

So I tend to get frustrated at people when I think they aren’t living up to there best. Maybe I say something that is kind of rude. Or maybe I push into them harder to get to the heart of an issue that is bothering them. I don’t do this because I revel in their torture. I do this because I would want them to do the same to me. In fact I have to say thanks to my friend Julz for doing just that. I never get mad at her for pointing out character flaws. If she thinks I am leading on a girl she will tell me. If she thinks I am being dishonest to someone she will tell me. She makes me reexamine things about my self and I am very thankful to her for it.

So you are asking, “Ryan what are you getting at?” See in the last few days I have heard from a few women that Prince charming doesn’t exist. That fairytales never happen and that one needs to just be happy with the happiness given to them.

Let me just come out and say… that’s a copout.

Don’t women understand they have the power? That they can demand higher standards and if they are unhappy they can leave? That they are in such a position that there shouldn’t be any jerkfaces on the planet… but they just have to demand those standards. Men are simple folk. I hate to say it… but we are, and if we don’t have to work for your love we won’t. I think this is why women of faith sometimes get frustrated. They see other women out there getting relationships and wonder to God when it will be their turn.

I’m reading a book that a friend of mine is trying to publish. I think the first title of it was going to be something like “all men are assholes and some are trying to not be “. But the new title is better in my opinion. I really wish this book was published. I have about 5 women now that I want to read the book. I think it was meant for men, however, it explains the mind of a man in such detail that women need to read this book. It actually makes me sad… because some woman is in a relationship right now and can’t see the “bad fruit”.

Before I go further let me say this, I don’t think any of the relationships my friends are in are bad. What I am saying is just don’t settle. Want the best from your boyfriend or girlfriend.

That’s what I am dealing with right now. I want to be a prince but I didn’t always want to be this way. I really am working on my issues right now and learning how to live by believing in myself. Oh but don’t think I am “cured”. Change takes years to happen. I mean don’t even get me started about lust. I long for someone in my life. I love to feel complete, but I also long to be closer to God and it’s the reason I have had to make myself unavailable. Lust is never a good thing anyways. Look at what C.S. Lewis says in The Four Loves.

“…when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he ‘wants a woman.’ Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the women as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes)”

Sad, but CS is no dummy. Men think this way. I use to think this way. Get me and a few other guys out on the town. Our talk was nothing but about Lust.

But there is hope. In 400 AD a man named John Chrysostom wrote a book called “On marriage and Family.” I really thought it was beautiful.

"The beauty of the body, if it is not joined with virtue of the soul, will be able to hold a husband for twenty or thirty days, but will go no farther before it shows its wickedness and destroys all attractiveness. As for those who radiate the beauty of the soul, the longer time goes by and test proper nobility, the warmer they make their husbands love and the more they strengthen their affection for him. Since this is so, and since a warm and genuine friendship holds between them, every kind of immorality is driven out. Not even any thought of wantonness ever enters the mind of the man who truly loves his own wife, but he continues always content with her...”

It really is a mindset, Nobility vs. Monetary.

Society today says we need to have the trophy wife, trophy kids, blah blah blah… Oh I am just sick of it. I want the nobility. I want to be the knight.

So girls I will let you in on a little secret. We are out there. The ones you think that don’t exist. In fact some of us use to be jerkfaces. In fact some of us still are. Just don’t give up on us. Show that you won’t put up with lowered standards.

Oh and for heaven sakes… be happy about waiting. Sleeping beauty had to wait one hundred years before she met her prince.

Isn’t it funny we always forget that part of the story?

Peace, hugs and handshakes

R-