OMG Lists.com

Dogs are awesome. There's no denying that. Man's best friend deserves more respect, and how better to earn them by walking among us? The following dogs boast the ability to walk like people, among other amazing abilities. These pooches are nobody's bitch.

Looking like the ultimate puppy-pedophile in his saggy tan trench coat, McGruff the Crime Dog has been teaching kids to "Take A Bite Out Of Crime" since 1980. He began his career by attacking drugs and bullying, and no child who went to public elementary school in the 80's was able to avoid the police officer dressed up in the musty and worn-out McGruff costume on Safety Day. To celebrate his 25th birthday, McGruff's parent agency, The National Crime Prevention Council, decided to tackle the hard-hitting issue facing children these days-identity theft. Because we all want to make sure no child loses their credit card number to phishers online.

The oldest of the group and potentially the most likely to conjure thoughts of racial caricatures (am I the only one who thinks he looks like a dog-man in black face?), Goofy serves as the loveable yet bumbling best friend of the venerable Mickey (who owns Pluto, a quadripedal dog... awkward!) His life was essentially relegated to falling over himself and everything around him and making that funny yodeling noise every time he went off something steep in addition to his catch phrase "Gorsh!" Goofy wasn't much of a talker. Nor did he sit there and look pretty. He wasn't that entertaining either. What was his purpose again? Oh, and the first time my parents took me to Disneyworld the Goofy there threw my over his shoulder and started to run off with me until I began screaming. We have the pictures as proof. So not only is he not funny but he's a kidnapper. Is this guy in cahoots with McGruff or what? Freak.

Somehow in the course of one generation a genetic evolution took place in the Doo family that allowed Scrappy-Doo to do something no other family member had done consistently-walk on two legs. Sure, Scooby had his bi-pedal moments, but his walking and non-traction running styles usually involved all four legs. Not Scrappy. That quick-tempered little pup fought his way into all sorts of zany adventures and precarious predicaments with two feet planted firmly on the floor and two dukes definitely up.

He has a hard time being understood (damn those tricky "r's")and he's treated like dirt by Inspector Gadget, but we all know who the real hero is in every episode-Brain. With his collar that allows him to keep in touch with his best friend, Penny, and his mastery of the skill of disguise, this two-legged dog helps keep his master alive when everyone else would rather see him dead. Plus he has the patience of a saint which comes in handy considering Inspector Gadget always seems to think Brain is a MAD agent guilty of the crime in question. Good thing he can run better than he can speak.

Upon first seeing Ren Hoek you're not sure if you're looking at a sick rat, a drowned cat or some kind of mutant lizard. Lucky for him he's none-of-the-above and is instead an "asthma-hound" Chihuahua who sounds suspiciously like a wasted Peter Lorre. Ren goes through life more than a little neurotic, extremely violent and highly irritable-all understandable when you see that he's been forced to spend his existence with a large stupid cat named Stimpy. Ren may be the brains of the group but that definitely isn't saying much, especially with the likes of Powdered Toast Man and George Liquor hanging around.

If you want a dog that actually does use his head, Mr. Peabody is your pet. While younger generations may not be very familiar with him, he and his pal, Sherman, appeared in short sketches in the "Rocky and Bullwinkle Show." You know, that one with the two evil Russians from that time when we hated those dirty Commies? Yep, that one. Anyway, Mr. Peabody was this short little dog who would take his dumb-ass sidekick through time and space on adventures in the hopes of educating him via wry historical fiction. Mr. Peabody ranks this high because a) his name is Mr. Peabody, b) he out-wits the obnoxiously ignorant Sherman at every turn, and c) he has a freakin' time machine! I bet you don't have a time machine-one of many reasons you're not on this list.

Don't worry, we're not about to start saluting the "Underdog" that was the terrible film that came out last summer. And we will limit ourselves to the number of bad jokes about said awful film such as the fact that it was a real "bitch" of a movie, a total pile of shit, it really UNDER performed, no one was rooting for that underdog to do well....okay, it's out of the system. So the REAL Underdog was actually from the same generation as Mr. Peabody and walked upright unlike the "realistic" dog in the film. He could fly, had x-ray vision, super breath, cosmic ray vision, super hearing, and a whole host of other talents that most people, let alone dogs, can only dream of. Most likely while whimpering and twitching their legs.

Yes he talks back, sure he battles drug, alcohol and smoking addictions, and okay, so there's been the occasional sex worker, but that's what makes Brian so colorful! He's classy and intelligent and drives a Prius! He's probably the character most women would chose to date out of the entire cast. That's saying a lot for a dog. Most of the others on this list are all obedient to some degree, or at least show some respect to their sidekicks or owners, but not Brian. He would rather roll his eyes than roll over, sip a martini than sit, discuss literature than dig a hole in the backyard.

From humble beginnings of just being a lowly dog to Charlie Brown, Snoopy has come farther than any other dog around. Once he was just sleeping on top of his dog house, but he eventually graduated to taking on the Red Baron, winning pageants, throwing parties and embarking on countless adventures either by himself or with his trusty friend, Woodstock. Even outside the comic strip this dog is an enterprise all on its own. From movies and tv shows to chart-topping hit songs to the ever popular snow cone machine, Snoopy's the top dog (sorry).

The one thing all the dogs on this list have in common (other than walking on two legs, thanks Captain Obvious), is that they're all animated. As in they're not real. Shocking as it is there just aren't any flying, talking, walking dogs out there. But then there's this dog. This dog is an actual dog. One you can (and desperately want) to cuddle and play with. Big brown eyes, waggy tail, and two legs on which to walk/hop around. It sounds absurd, and it's hard to decide whether to laugh, cry, scream in fear, or break out in warm fuzzies while watching the clip below. As Homestar Runner says about Li'l Brudder, the similar, albeit one-legged puppy, "That little guy! He's got the heart of a champion You're gonna make it! You just keep scraping along!"

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