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Monday Nitro
October 4, 1999
LIVE from the Kemper Arena in Kansas City, MO

Hour 1Hour 2Hour 3Composite
3.912.402.622.93

Christopher Robin Zimmerman
Written by: Christopher Robin Zimmerman

I GET LETTERS: From Chris Bennett: Nothing real big, but this is sorta funny. Right before the big six-man main event on Nitro, when we see Sting, Page and Package all backstage, there was a prelude to page's "red light" comment. After Sting steps out of the camera's view, you hear him try (unsuccessfully) to open the door. Then, if you listen closely, you hear him say something like "They've got it fuckin' locked up back here", to which Page responds, "Yeah, and we gotta red light on right here", I guess alerting the supposedly born-again Sting that he just used the "F-word" on camera. Liz looks like she's about to break up. I hope this is good for a chuckle :)
And this from L. Evans in Atlanta: Hey Chris,

In your Nitro report from Monday, you wondered during the Lex Luger funeral skit I'm wondering just how much this cost, which should probably have gone more along the lines of "I'm wondering how much money WCW blew on this garbage."

In any event, I have a little background on the shoot. A friend of mine from back home has an uncle in the Funeral Home business and on Tuesday of last week she called and said that WCW contacted her uncle's home about doing a funeral shoot to "kill off a character" and that the character would be Lex Luger. The girl not being a big fan, as well as the fact that the Narcissist is involved as one of the major heels in WCW, I thought "no way" and was highly skeptical, but low and bohold WCW went through with it. The price tag on the whole thing, from renting the home, to the casket, as well as the procession to the cemetary (evidently they left out a lot as she told me in detail about alot of crap that didn't make it off the cutting room floor) ran somewhere in the range of $1900. Then of course they had to waste all the time and maybe a little cash with the those "high tech" effects that all the rednecks love with the ghost and all that.

So to set your mind at ease, WCW flushed around $2000 bones in the toilet on the segment.

See? Cost cutting ALREADY!

QUICK QUOTE: SPLN 29 5/16 (- 5/8)

TV-PG-DLV A car pulls up - it's Goldberg! He removes a piece of luggage from the trunk and walks off - but what's this? It's Sid Vicious hiding behind a column! He stalks over to the car, and notes the number of the parking space. This segment, wordless, is nonetheless CLOSE CAPTIONED!

WCW logo will put someone's eye out

Opening sequence - will this be the only time tonight we see the Nitro Girls approach dancing?

LAST WEEK: "Goldberg answers Sid's stipulations...with mind games" - "Sting's assault inspires Hulk" - only this week do I notice that as injured as Hogan was, he still had time to change from his yellow shirt to his red shirt before making it to the ring on one leg.

"Wait no longer! Welcome ladies and gentlemen to three house of World Championship Wrestling - welcome to MONDAY NITRO!" WE ARE LIVE from the Kemper Arena in Kansas City, MO 4.10.99 and on the air on Turner Network Television!

Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE and BOBBY HEENAN. One has returned to the three piece suit and one has a brand new bad haircut - I leave it to you to guess which is which. There's a Surge T-shirt in the front row behind them! Zow! Tonight Hogan and Flair team up against Sting and Package in the main event. Tonight the crowd chants "Cold beer." Tonight DDP takes on Bagwell. And tonight, WCW brings up Owen Hart's name several times - and Bret Hart takes on Chris Benoit, no titles on the line, just two guys wrestlin'. Tony promises no hype for the match, then proceeds to hype the match. "We're not gonna bring it to you as wrestling announcers - we're gonna bring it to you as fans of this great sport out of respect to the Hart family." Heenan: "I'm not!"

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, WCW Tough Talkin' Wrestlers ("They are really talking to each other!"), Tootsie pops'n'rolls, Motel 6 7/8, Croissant Pockets from Hot Pockets, and Tootsie caramel apple pops

The WWF returns their Attitude to the San Jose Arena Friday, 26 November! I think these guys just LIVE to schedule so that I can't attend...still, interesting that they bought some local time on the competition...

RAYMOND STEREO (no entrance) v. DEAN MALENKO (no entrance) - both men in the ring as we come back. Reversal/counter sequence to start, same as last week. Tonight, Mysterio is the only member of the "Filthy Animals" in attendance. Test of strength, Malenko tries a single leg into a bridge, up and down, Mysterio rolls up, victory roll, Malenko drops and flips him out of the ring, follows out, both men back in simultaneously. Handshake. Lockup, knee to the gut from Malenko, up and over, countered, waistlock duel into a legbar (googagatame, I think - no, I'm kidding) and Rey grabs the rope. Back up in the centre - Malenko back to the attack until Rey counters with a dropkick - Malenko gives him a boost but Rey lands on the rope, springs off and hits a 'rana. Another gimme-five. Malenko goes behind, full nelson, Rey gets out, down into a rear chinlock. Malenko grabs the arms and pulls back. Crowd coming alive. Malenko tries a belly-to-back but Mysterio flips up and out - rollup for 2 - Malenko counters into a cover for another 2. Malenko with a single leg takedown into a pretzel hold. People who play video games can tell me what that hold is - it looks pretty damn cool. Psychosis won the Cruiserweight title when nobody was looking, we are told. There's a surfboard proper from Malenko - drops him and covers - 1, 2, no. Dropkick to the knees by Malenko. Back to the legbar. Malenko working over the knee. Whip into the ropes, Mysterio drops and Malenko flies through the ropes. Mysterio on the top rope - somersault! Back in the ring - Mysterio going for the 'rana again but Malenko grabs him into the Tejas cloverleaf!! Mysterio BARELY manages to make it into the rope. Into the corner, 180 to come back, boot up, leapfrog, Malenko with a single leg and a 3/4 nelson for 2. Malenko locks the knuckles, Rey climbs the ropes and hits an armdrag. Running at Malenko - powerbomb attempt - no, lands on his feet - into the corner - Malenko hits a sidewalk slam on Rey for 2. Rey manages a crossbody for 2. Rey runs at Malenko - clothesline that spins him around tornado style - both men down with an arm over the other - 1, 2, both men put up a shoulder! Out of the corner, reversal, Dean dumps him onto the apron - punches traded - Both men on the corner, Malenko pushes him down - Rey up on the top rope - springboard into a dropkick! Dean hits the steps on the way down. SHANE DOUGLAS out and there's a high knee in the back of referee "Blind" Nick Patrick. And THERE'S a kick to Rey. Douglas produces a chain - but now PERRY SATURN is out and full of righteous indignation - he's got the chain! He's gonna nail him! The crowd's going apeshit - and Saturn WAFFLES MYSTERIO!! Douglas has a big smile. He's rousting Patrick, telling him Rey hit him from behind - now rolling him in. Meanwhile, Malenko is back in, unaware, and has Mysterio in the Tejas cloverleaf. Patrick drops the arm three times and Rey doesn't respond, so he rings the bell for the submission. (9:54) Saturn and Douglas celebrate - while Malenko gets an eyeful from the big screen replay (which almost doesn't work - way to be on the ball, Leathers) and throws a tantrum. He didn't want to win this way, you see. Dissention in the Revolution? Malenko picks up Mysterio and raises HIS arm.

That was a GREAT segment. And I better enjoy it while it lasts, 'cause Russo will be sure to kill them off three weeks from tonight...

The last Nitro of the Millennium will be highlighted by an exciting contest - for the next eight weeks, there will be a "Match of the Week" - keep track of who wins for a contest or something or other! Sponsored by WCW Mayhem - it's Nitro's New Year's Evil!!

This portion of Nitro is brought to you (literally) by Western Union!

Goldberg eatin' that Spree again

The Mike Tenay piece on Bret Hart (and Owen) that originally aired back in July is aired again.

Here's some Owen signs in the crowd. Did they bring them to get on TV, or do they mean it?

MATCH OF THE WEEK: PSYCHOSIS v. DISCO INFERNO for the Cruiserweight Championship - For the life of me, I just CAN'T remember who held the cruiserweight title before tonight - I bet he was a sissy, though. Once again, WCW shits on lucha libre tradition by giving the impression that losing a mask is just the BEST DAMN thing on earth to ever happen to a luchadore. Tony announces Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara's signing by WCW - there's a Yahoo! chat with them Tuesday. So already they have more limelight than they did with the WWF...not that that's got anything to do with them jumping. This referee's name is Mark Johnson, I'll be sure to remember it for you. Quickly to the attack, into the ropes, flying headscissors from Psychosis. Dropkick takes Disco through the ropes. Baseball slide dropkick. Psychosis with a top turnbuckle plancha to the floor! Back in the ring we go when they recover. Psychosis on top - hot shot as he lands on the floor. Back in the ring and back on the Disco Inferno. Cover - 1, 2, no. Kick, into the opposite corner - charge sidestepped, gutshot, swinging neckbreaker by Inferno for 2. Tony correctly notes this is Psychosis' second reign, making up for Heenan mentioning that Psychosis never had a belt when he had the mask. Rear chinlock - Psychosis elbows out. Hairpull takedown from Inferno. Into the corner, but back elbow up. Psychosis sits him on top....ugly huracanrana for 2. Kick, into the opposite corner - but DISCO puts up an elbow. Disco going for the second rope forearm but Psychosis meets him with a MASSIVE spinning heel kick that you have to rewind and watch twice because it landed so hard. There's a front suplex. Psychosis motioning - but the top rope guillotine MISSES! There's the Chartbuster!! 1, 2, 3!! Ladies and gentlemen, for the second time tonight, we have a NEW Cruiserweight champion. (3:55) The name "Lenny" isn't mentioned a SINGLE time tonight, so I think we can all conclude that WCW blows chunks.

Halloween Havoc is coming up - The Total Package takes on Bret Hart, Diamond Dallas Page draws Ric Flair, and Sid Vicious locks up with Goldberg! Oh, and Sting and Hulk Hogan fight for the title...again.

Promtional consideration paid for by the Talking Nitro Arena, America (ha!) Online, Tootsie again, ancient warlords agreeing that a sandwich just isn't a sandwich without the tangy zip of Miracle Whip salad dressing, Croissant Pockets again, and Tootsie AGAIN

BWP & AWF present Halloween Horror '99 at the San Jose Civic Auditorium Saturday 15 October! Compare this spot to the WWF one we saw earlier. Interesting, no?

Sid Vicious is on the phone, stealing Goldberg's mind games - "the car is n space 22"

Close captioning made possible by Nash vs. Goldberg thumb wrestling! How come every toy ad I've seen tonight has the old WCW/NWO logo?

Hey lookee here, it's SCOTT HALL & KEVIN NASH walking down the stairs to the front row! With a beer in each hand! Each one has a lovely lady in the seat next to them. Heenan takes a mic and tries to ask them what's up with them. Hall spits out "hey yo" on the third attempt. Hall says he and Big Kev were at a heck of a party, and it was right down there. "Down where?" "Can we still say that?" "I don't think so." Heenan asks them when they'll come back to WCW. "I'm retired..." "He works the retirement angle and he's nagging ME to come back? Umm...is it fun yet? You ain't spending much time in the locker room lately - when it starts being fun again, Outsiders are gonna pop back on the scene. Nash tells us that they're getting the band back together, which must be a Blues Brothers reference. Seeing Nash reminds me how COOL he is and how I TOTALLY don't miss him at all. Good to see Hall back, though...

THUNDER! ad features no one of note.

BRIAN ADAMS (We're in Heaven) v. SID VISCOUS - hey, this is the first time we've seen Adams since he jumped in that limo with the KISS license plate! His hair is jet black for some reason. Adams with no notice of Hall and Nash in the front row. Adams with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, headbutt, Sid to the eyes. Off the ropes, duck, gutshot, vertical suplex! But Sid just gets on his feet. Adams with a clothesline over the top rope. Adams outside and on him - and doing fairly well. Rolling him back in the ring, but Sid gains the advantage as he comes back in. Right. Off the ropes - Adams with a piledriver! 1...RICK WOOF WOOF is out and on the apron, and referee "Blind" Charles Robinson is quick to break the count to go over and talk to Steiner. Adams gets up to ask what's up. Sid attacks from behind. A few shots from Rick as well. Adams manages a punch to each man, Steiner to the floor. Headbutt onto Sid. Adams drags Steiner into the ring - backbreaker. Here's a joke Herb Kunze taught me. Q: "Who's the most over man in the ring?" A: "That's right, Goldberg!" Sid with a kick to the tailbone from behind. Rick in - double powerbomb. 1, 2, 3 (rather fast count) - (2:39) Steiner and Vicious make noise and for a minute it almost looks like Sid's ready to plant a big ol' kiss on Steiner's puss. Sid's record is apparently 120-0 and they FINALLY have managed to correctly spell "millennium." Replays show our last glimpses of Brian Adams for a while.

With no ad break, we go right to the next match - hmm, must be time for RAW...

LIGHTNINGFOOT JERRY FLYNN (with James Hart) v. COLD BEER - It's almost eerie how John and I were talking about this EXACT matchup earlier today and once again...it's Mighty Lightningfoot tapped as the fish for Goldberg. Jimmy Hart gives the same interview he gave with Hugh Morrus last week, as if it'll help. Goldberg's normal entrance is at least made marginally interesting by the presence of Sid Vicious in the background shouting various randomness. Entrance times out at (3:04). Match is your standard Jerry Flynn/Goldberg matchup with the added excitement of HUGH MORRUS & NASTY BRIAN KNOBS making an appearance outside the ring. Nice elbowdrop from the apron to the floor by Morrus, but this about all I can get from this. What's a giant replica of a Illinois scratch-off lottery ticket doing in a Missouri crowd? Interesting counter for Flynn as he drops to his back and turns a Goldberg choke into a short-arm scissors. Of course, Goldberg just picks him up and drops him. There's that spear. Time to go up - and come down. 1, 2, 3. (3:27) Give him some THE STICK! "Well - we all know what and/or who is on my agenda. You can play your little mind games with me, Sid, but you'll never prevail. The end of the month, at Havoc, your ass is mine. And by some stroke of nature, you decide to have the guts enough to face me before then, I'll grant that wish. Because I'll kick your ass from one end of the country to the next. It could be tonight, in Kansas City...it could be next week in Biloxi (crowd boos), whenever and whenever...whenever and WHEREVER it is. I can guarantee you one thing...YOU'RE MINE! And that gold around your waist - it's just a stepping stone for me - because it's almost been a year since I've had my belt - AND I will not stop until I get it back. So Sid, ball's in your court. Do with it what you will." A quick look at Nash and Hall, who are too kool for skool, and here's some replays.

WCW Superstar Series video ads for Hollywood Hogan and Ric Flair

Berlyn's just chillin' backstage with the TV-PG-DLV ratings box - he says something in German to Brad Armstrong, who takes offense - even though he didn't know what he said. Berlyn fails to provide a translation, and Armstrong walks off. Umm.....okay...

GENE O. works tonight! And welcomes out HARLEM HEAT. It seems weird to see them do the arm raise and not get the big wall of fire behind them. Okerlund announces that the tag team titles will be defended at Havoc against Brian Knobs and Hugh Morrus - boy, THAT'LL be a barn burner, won't it? Booker T. says "can u dig it" while Stevie Ray sticks to "fruit booty," although he DOES call Brian Knobs "milk drinkin'" - the horror of it all! It's gonna be on like a steamin' pile of neckbones! Booker T. says seeing the Outsiders in the front row, if it provides incentive, they'll have no problems taking them on. Stevie Ray says if it weren't for the politically correct situation protecting the Outsiders, they would have taken them out a long time ago. Then he refers to their dates as something which gets muted - my money's on "hooches." The closed captioning girl diplomatically gives me "[AUDIO DELETED]" and no help. "Hooches" is a verboten word? Just as the interview closes up, NASTY BRIAN KNOBS & HUGH MORRUS are out with JAMES HART and a Pier Four Brawl erupts. It's always amusing to see Booker T. in shirt and tie whoopin' up on somebody. There's a look to Hall - who brandishes his ticket. So he goes back to Knobs. T. loosens his tie before delivering the axe kick. That's funny so I'll ignore that Knobs had to stay doubled over for something like a half hour. Hart passed a chair to Knobs - WHACK on T. WHACK on Ray - and again, since the first shot didn't sound cool. Nash is lauhghing and accepting another beer. Yeah, keep drinking - just stay off my television screen. Morrus hits No Laughing Matter on Stevie Ray. God, every time they cut to the Outsiders they just look like a couple goofs making light of what's going on in the ring. Knobs with a second rope splash. Morrus spits on the tag titles. FIVE REFS are out and having some difficulty gettting everybody separated. Knobs takes the mic and I'm sure this interview will win several awards. "THAT'S RIGHT - WHO'S A BUNCHA - FRUIT BOOTYS NOW - HARLEM HEAT? WE'LL SEE YOU AT HALLOWEEN HAVOC - THE NEW WORLD WCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS - THE FIRST FAMILY"

New Havoc promo - "See no evil - speak no evil - hear no evil - one man has betrayed us - will the other save us?" Sting vs. Hogan - 24 October - ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW!

Back by popular demand, Rey Mysterio Jr. wants you to part with $60 for his jersey!

Here's a Special Video Look at the Search for the New Nitro Girl!

Gene O. is out with NITRO GRRLS KIMBERLY & SPICE, who tell us that Jamie won last week, and this week we can choose between Lovena, who is very flexible, and Nicole, who won't win. Oh, wait, I didn't know Lovena would come out in THAT dress. That's rather unflattering. Nicole's gonna win now. Lovena can still get a job replacing Asya, though.

Backstage, Goldberg puts his luggage in his trunk, gets in the car...starts it...and...and....and...drives away? Damn, he's just too clever for Sid!

In the locker room, Mike Tenay is with Chris Benoit. Tonight he hopes to have the best match he's ever had...for Owen.

WCW Mayhem ad is pretty funny

Jimmy Barron's Road Report always seems to come from the same poolside

Oh boy! A new DDP shirt! Only twenty bucks! Where's my piggybank?

BRAD ARMSTRONG v. CURT HENNIG (with Kendall Windham and Curly Bill) - Tony again hypes the big chat, 8 to 10 Tuesday (Eastern?) on wcw.com and Yahoo! Chat. Heenan FINALLY makes the "Blazing Saddles" reference about Curly Bill. I go to the bathroom instead of watch this match. In retrospect, it was the right choice as BERLYN UND SEIN BODYGUARD get the illegal punch into a Hennigplex, all behind the back of referee "Blind" Mark Johnson. (2:29)

In the shower, Rey Mysterio calls to Kidman - who leaves the shower, right in front of Torrie Wilson! All I can say about this segment is Torrie is wet and in a towel. "Good luck! Hurry back!"

Meanwhile, the police have told Doug Dillenger to tell Sid's flunky to tell Sid he has to move his car. Sid hands his keys to his flunky...oh man, this is gonna be HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(!!!!!!!!!!!!!)!!!!!!!

Where's WCW going, you ask? Next week's Nitro is in Biloxi, Thursday sees THUNDER! in Baton Rouge, and the Nitro after in Philly! Friday tix go on sale for Nitro in Indy as well as a taping in Champaign! Or, you means "where's WCW going with Russo and Ferrara?" Get back to me in a month...

Havoc promo - again

NEVER SURRENDER JUVENTUD GUERRERA v. (billy) KIDMAN - So, Rey's the only Filthy Animal in the building, right? Kidman comes out to his own music instead of "Psycho." Does David Flair watch television? Hey, remember that one week when Juvi dressed up EXACTLY like Kidman? Heenan threatens Bob Ryder following a "WCW Live!" promo. Commentators are more interested in cracking wise about Kidman and showers and Filthy Animals and I guess ONE of us should be providing play-by-play, but I've seen this match before, and better. Also there's some REALLY distracting noise coming across on the audio track. Let's pick up the action about four minutes in as Kidman offers the Hand of Friendship - then tries to turn it into a fireman's carry. Guerrera turns it into a DDT, proving that crime does not pay. Time now for the Juvi Elbow, which draws rather sizable boos. Did Juvi just tell the cameraman to shut his mouth and know his role? Let's take an ad break before my head explodes.

WCW Mayhem ad - again

And again! Twice in this ad break!! Wow! I'm already tired of this ad!

When we come back, Kidman is charging but Guerrera puts up a boot - there's an elbow - and a nice flying headscissors. Guerrera off the ropes, Kidman turns it into a powerslam for 2. Off the ropes, reversal, Guerrera got him up - motioning to the back - it's PSYCHOSIS on the apron! Kidman throws a forearm shiver to take him to the floor, but Guerrera knocks HIM to the floor. Psychosis holding Kidman for a springboard plancha - but Kidman gets away and Guerrera hits his comrade instead! Guerrera trying to help him up - KIDMAN to the top rope - springboard into a plancha on both men! Guerrera put back in the ring, Kidman with "Iblockyourounchyoudon'tblockmine", again, right, right, off the ropes - Guerrera with a bodyscissors into a faceplant for 2! Guerrera out on the apron - quick WCW.com plug - vote for your wanna-be Nitro Girl! Top turnbuckle splash is met with a dropkick in the gut - Kidman covers - but only gets 2. Kidman has a chat with referee "Blind" Billy Silverman - then goes for the powerbomb - Guerrera rolls through. gotshot - scoop - Kidman behind, up and over - slop drop from Guerrera! Got him on the mat - time for the Firebird splash? Pretty slow getting on the top turnbuckle - 450 MISSES but he lands on his feet - well, almost. Kidman manages a Rydeen bomb - Psychosis back on the apron - Kidman crotches him with the top rope. Guerrera with a gutshot - but YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN! Meanwhile, RAYMOND STEREO is out and on the apron - Silverman is attending to him, while Kidman climbs the turnbuckles - Psychosis over - punches traded - there's a crotchin' on the top turnbuckle. Juventud grabs him off the top and hits the Juvi Driver. 1, 2, 3. (11:54) Psychosis in - and Mysterio in and taking care of both men. Psychosis sent in to Kidman, who dumps him over the top. Kidman sends Mysterio into Guerrera for the bronco buster. Guerrera and Psychosis mutter to the camera.

Sid's flunky parks Sid's care - oh ho ho - in - ha ha - SPACE 22! hee hee hee and then he walks off muttering about Sid telling him to do this and that - I guess his name is Moses. I'll try to remember this. And..woo hoo hoo hoo hoo...a tow truck...snicker ... PULLS UP TO THE CAR!!! WAAAAAhahahahahahahahahaha

On one hand, Russo will do away with crap like this - on the other, there's nothing promising he WON'T give me crap JUST AS EQUALLY BAD. PLUS he don't like them Mexican jumping beans jumpin' around for twelve minutes at a time, so goodbye Kidman/Guerrera matches. We are cursed to live in interesting times...

HARLEY RACE is in the ring as Special Guest Ring Announcer. I will NOT be cynical and notice that we're hitting the 10 o'clock hour. MIKE TENAY has joined the commentary team.

CHRIS BENOIT v. BRET CLARKE in a nontitle match - Benoit, as is usually lately, comes out to the Revolution's theme, wearing a T-shirt that says "Owen Hart: Forever Young" and includes a picture and signature. Hart comes out dressed normally. All right, one more possibly offensive statement and then I'll call this straight - are they doing this for Owen...or Bret? Feeling out process to start. Here's a lockup, to a side headlock from Benoit, Hart takes his shoudlers to the mat for 1. Benoit maintaining the headlock - Hart counters with a top wristlock. There's a gobehind, holding onto the hammerlock, Bret reverses into one of his own. Benoit escapes that but Hart puts on a side headlock. Off the ropes, Hart knocks him down, up and over, leapfrog, Benoit in position for a monkey flip, Hart holds the ropes and Benoit pops up. Handshake. Test of strength coming up - the knuckle lock is on and they butt shoudlers. Hart pushing Benoit to the mat - but Benoit is back up. Gutshot from Benoit, crossing the arms and going behind - stepping on the back of the knee to take him down - STILL holding the knucklelock, with a knee between the shoulderblades. Hart stands up - Benoit breaks it, spins him around and works the hammerlock. Now he's got both arms back and putting his head between the shoulderblades. Hart sturggles, but turns it around, and now HE'S pulling back on both arms. Benoit to the corner - referee Mickey J. calls for the break. Benoit backflips and hits a mule kick on his way up. Gutshot, snapmare, into an armbar. Hart stands up and manages a side Russian legsweep. Forearm to the head, snapmare, into a rear chinlock. Benoit back up - elbowing out - elbow to the mush, off the ropes, but Hart drives a knee into the gut. Standing legdrop from Hart. Right hand into the gut - European uppercut from Hart, and another. Head butt - right hand. Kick from Benoit - and there's a knife-edge chop. Hart with a DDT. Hart on the second turnbuckle - there's the forearm. 1, 2, no. Benoit rolls to the ropes and J. tells Hart to back off. Benoit taken off the ropes - Benoit wraps himself around Hart's knee and rolls Hart through - into a Boston crab! Hart grabs the bottom rope. No, Nash and Hall aren't watching this match - good, they probably couldn't be bothered to keep from mugging if they WERE there. Hart taken into the ropes and there's a big back body drop for 1. Benoit with a backbreaker for 2. We're going to take an AD BREAK? Give ME a break. Benoit hits a right hand to take Hart outside the ring...where I bet he stays until we come back.

When we come back, Benoit's coming off the ropes with an elbowdrop for 2. Again he's off the ropes, but Hart ducks the elbowdrop. Headbutt to the lower abdomen between the legs for Hart. Vertical suplex. 1, 2, no. Hart to the rear chinlock. Backbreaker for Hart. Hart stomping on him - there's a kick to the back. Stomp, kick, kick, Benoit goes outside. Hart follows, and Benoit is driven into the corner of the apron. Everybody back in. Stomping on the abdomen between the legs again. Right hand to the head. European uppercut. Off the ropes, tiltawhirl but Benoit follows through - got Bret in position for a Tombstone piledriver! 1, 2, Hart rolls up a shoulder. J. puts on a count as both men are down - Benoit up at 6 - Northern Lights suplex gets 2. Benoit picks up Bret, right hand, headbutt, stomp, into the ropes, driving a knee in the gut and Hart flips. 1, 2, no. Benoit drives Hart's head into the top turnbuckle. Tomahawk chop, knife-edge chop, into the ropes, dropkick finds only air as Hart holds on. Elbowdrop from Hart. Elbow to the heart. Hart picking him up - there's a belly-to-back suplex for 2. Right hand from Hart, European uppercut, right, right, Benoit goes down. Hart pulls him back up - right hand, charging off the ropes, Benoit ducks and Hart hits 'em HARD - probably supposed to go outside but snapping back INside instead. Hart drags himself to the outside - but Benoit's gonna fly - TOPE SUICIDA through the ropes! Both men are out - hey, how about another ad break?

WCW Mayhem ad

When we come back, Hart is standing over Benoit, who is on the apron. There's a clubbing forearm across the chest. Suplexing him back in - Benoit counters and rolls up Bret for 2 - Hart rolls backward for another 2 count. Headbutt from Hart. Standing on the neck. European uppercut is caught, hooked, and there's a Benoit backslide for 2. Hart headbutting the small of the back as Benoit has trouble standing back up. Again, Hart strikes. Setting him up for a vertical suplex, but Benoit turns into an inside cradle for 2. Hart quickly back on him, focusing his attack on one body part. Here's a swinging neckbreaker, but only 2. Benoit up in the corner - hard whip into the opposite corner, atomic drop. Hart sets him up on the top turnbuckle - but Benoit hits Hart in the side of the head - and hits many headbutts to prevent Hart. Benoit positions himself on top - but Hart hits pretty high on the thigh to take him back to the turnbuckle - and here is the SUPERPLEX!! J. puts on a count - Hart stirs at 7 and Benoit's still down. Sharpshooter? No, Benoit grabs the arm and attempts to put on the Crippler crossface! Hart looks for the rope - Benoit pulls him away from the ropes. Hart reaches - and does grab the top rope. The hold is broken. Benoit with a snap suplex - holding on - there's two - a third snap suplex - and Benoit's thumb crosses his throat. Crowd is BOOING. Benoit to the top turnbuckle - swandive headbutt executed to perfection! Slow to cover - but he manages to do so - 1, 2, NO! Benoit up and Hart still not. Hairpull to bring him up - there's a belly-to-back suplex from Benoit. Benoit again gets up - lightning elbowdrop. Crowd chants "let's go Bret" and Benoit looks around to feed it. Off the ropes, Bret holds on for the reversal and hits a back elbow. Hart slowly picks up Benoit - PILEDRIVER! Hart covers Benoit - but he's too close to the ropes and the leg crosses the bottom rope. In the corner, right hand from Hart. Hard into the corner, sternum first. Trying for a backdrop, but Benoit flips up and over - knife-edge chop! Chop! Chop! Forearm to the head. Whip into the corner, Hart puts up a boot. Benoit ducks the clothesline, full nelson from Benoit - German suplex - no release - a second German suplex - going for three but Hart blocks it - elbows behind him, Benoit hits the back of Hart's head and he falls. Hart swings, Benoit ducks. Front chancery from Hart, pounding away on the back and Benoit goes down. Going for the suplex - Benoit again grabs the arm but Hart blocks the crossface attempt with a leg lace - Benoit goes to the armbar instead - Hart takes him down but Benoit won't let go of the arm. Hart has the leg - now trying for a Sharpshooter attempt - got him! Benoit won't give up - but he's got nowhere to go! Benoit gives up! (27:34) Hart gazes skyward and the commentators are uncharacteristically silent - and appropriately so - for at this moment, no words are necessary. Hart and Benoit embrace in the ring. Standing ovation from the fans as Bret gives one more high sign to the heavens.

Gene O. welcomes THE MAN to the ring. Of course before he gets to say a word, YOU KNOW WHO gets to make *his* entrance. He actually has the *nerve* to say "I'm so happy to be on Ric Flair's side" as he walks to the ring! Hogan sucks up to Flair. Flair disses Page, 'cause he's Ric Flair, and Page ain't. Flair says for the first time, he's gonna take his vitamins and say his prayers. Tonight he's joining Hulkamania. Hulk says Flair's lying, but he says it in a good way, I guess. Hogan sucks up to Flair some more, then says Flair's taught him the figure four. I think that's enough for one night. Flair asks Hogan to rip open the shirt. I will be SORELY disappointed if this match doesn't end with Flair turning on Hogan.

Sid, in the parking lot, sees a lack of Goldberg's car, and says "I got him now" and then cackles. Oh ho ho ho ho...if only he KNEW...guffaw...(whispering) the tow truck driver's got HIS car! BWAAAAAAhahahahahahahahahahaha

chuckle

WCW Magazine! It's like WCW - in MAGAZINE form! Strangely enough, I see a shot of Demon in that ad. Get a FREE "VIP" T-shirt when you subscribe now!

Three stops left on the search for the NEW Nitro Girl. Thanks for asking.

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE v. BUFF IS THE... - Page and Kimberly kiss backstage before Page comes out - now, why they felt they had to show that to us will probably be made clear in a few weeks, but tonight I'll just say "why?" The voice of the Black Scorpion says something over Page's music but the commentators are yammering so nobody notices but me. And you. I was waiting for DDP to make an inside reference to Rich in KC, but I must have blinked and missed it. Tony makes one more plug for the Russo/Ferrara chat - I am guessing that Russo won't find it as easy to corral the locker room as he lets on. Hey, with Russo gone, can Kaientai come back to RAW now? Buff riffs on Page. "You know Dallas, as I was sittin' backstage watching the monitor, I realised that you messed up your whole interview. You see, YOU love you, BUFF hates you, and Kansas City's already FORGOTTEN ya!" Buff promises to "two-time, two-time, two-time, kick yo ass!" Page rushes him and it's on. Buff ducks and lets loose with rights and lefts, clothesline, dropkick, Page goes outside, Buff follows. Head to the STEEL barricade. And to the other side. Back to the first. Everybody back in the ring. Doubl sledge from Page - off the ropes, reversal, counter, powerbomb is countered in a Kidmanesque fashion, and there's a face crusher. Ten Punch Count Along is stopped with a Golota. Uranage attempt fails when Buff forgets what's going on and just drops to his knees instead of falling on his back. Page laughs like a hyena at this. There's a REALLY low elbowdrop between the legs. Stomp, stomp, stomp, standing on the neck. Scoop - and a slam. Funny elbowdrop for 2. Off the ropes, into a sleeper. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman checks in - arm falls once, arm falls twice - arm doesn't fall thrice. Elbowing out of the hold. Off the ropes, Bagwell catches the boot, spins him around, ducks, hits a clothesline, right, left, atomic drop, gutshot, swinging neckbreaker off the ropes - setting up for the Blockbuster - and misses as Page hols onto the top rope! Page signals for the Diamond Cutter - Bagwell pushes him off - Page floatsover and hits it anyway. 1, 2, 3. (3:25) Page's counter and Diamond Cutter make up your 1-800-COLLECT replay.

"WCW - this is the Palehorse - the (bringer?) of pain and suffering - fear me you will - stop me you cannot." Hey, it's YODA! Why's he look like Dustin Rhodes?

WCW Mayhem ad - again

One Last "WCW New Years Evil/Mayhem" promo - log on to WCW.com and try to win a trip to the Astrodome! Tony helps out the more clueless among us who have already forgotten who won the Match of the Week: "You remember who won it this week? Here's a hint - it was the Disco Inferno!"

Tony's favourite Nitro Grrl is Spice so I don't think I can like her anymore.

THE NARCISSIST (with Liz) & (THIS IS) STING v. YOU KNOW WHO & THE MAN - As Liz and the Total Package pose in the ring, I am forced to wonder what Buff Bagwell thinks about those pull-apart pants. You know, we hardly have the TIME for four separate entrances here, but don't let's stop 'em. We turn the hour just before Flair hits the ring. I can't believe Hogan hasn't bothered to custom-up a red'n'yellow knee brace instead of that black one he's wearing. Hogan rushes the ring and a Pier Four Brawl is on - if only the camera were cathing it! Hogan and Sting pair off and Luger and Flair as well. Hogan run into the barricade - they're on their way to the commentary table - Hogan blocks and Sting hits it. Now Flair has Package outside the ring. Referee "Blind" Nick Patrick tries to get it back into the ring - Flair and Sting in - tag to Hogan. Tony shills an *exclusive* interview Mike Tenay had with Bret Hart following tonight's match to air on THUNDER! - this is like the first time they've bothered to shill for that show in .... well, a good long time. Sting finally gets the upperhand as he prevents Flair from making a top-rope manoeuvre and bealing him across the ring. Tag in to the Total Package, who is all over Flair. Off the ropes, big powerslam. Big forearm drop, again, again, again, big elbowdrop, again, Hogan in to protest, so referee "Blind" Nick Patrick gets distracted getting Hogan back to the apron while Sting and Package doubleteam on Flair. Ten Punch Count Along gets to four before Flair tries to take him out with an atomic drop - but Sting is unharmed. Clothesline. There's a whip into the corner - FLAIR FLIP! except he hits the cameraman and fails to flip. Flair chopping and Sting acting like they don't hurt. Rear chinlock from Sting and a "Hogan" chant - real or fake? - rings out through the Arena. Off the ropes, Sting ducks and hits a clothesline. Tag to the Package. Flair chops, again, and one more, but Luger goes to the eyes. Flair with a vertical suplex and both men are down. Flair wants to tag but Luger holds the ankle as Sting tags in. Gorilla press slam. Splash off the ropes finds - the knees! Hogan banging on the turnbuckle - HOT TAG! Right to Sting, right to Luger, right to Sting, right to Luger, right to Sting, right to Luger, double noggin knocker. Luger from behind with a big double sledge. Double whip, Hogan ducks, double clothesline to take both men down. MY HERO! DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE is out as Elizabeth argues with Patrick. Attempted Diamond Cutter on Flair is shrugged off. Package, blinded, has his trick knee act up and there's a big Torture Rack, but it's not on Flair, it's on Page! Meanwhile, there's a block and three big punches from Hogan on Sting - big boot - legdrop of doom - 1, 2, 3. (6:06) Cue the trash! Good night!

Backstage, Sid Vicious asks Moses where his car is. "Space 22, man" - "TWENTY TWO? OH MAN! OH MAN!" Cue the mirth and hilarity music! "Goldberg! Where are you?! WHY ME?! WHY ME?! WHY ME?!" I feel you, yo. I feel you.

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