Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee isn't content with taking on just God of War: Chains of Olympus this week. No, he takes on the whole bloody franchise. What we end up getting is almost four minutes of Yahtzee admitting that he's nitpicking and that the series helps give us relief from our 9 8:30 to 5 6 (with a half-hour lunch break) lives. The trademark Yahtzee anger just isn't there in this review, but considering it was overflowing in last week's Smash Bros. piece, an easing of tension might be good for a week.

This week's NSFW review eviscerating God of War: Chains of Olympus can be found after the break.

Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee beats up sleep-deprived hobos this week for his Condemned 2: Bloodshot review and, up until the midway point, was all set to name it "game of the year." Apparently, Condemned 2 suffers from the same disease which afflicted Indigo Prophecy (Fahrenheit to our European friends), where the game took a left turn halfway through and players were introduced to concepts that ruined everything built up to that point. Those who played Indigo Prophecy (and were enjoying themselves) probably remember the moment that game went from intriguing to ridiculous.

Get your homeless-beating fix after the break with this week's NSFW review of Condemned 2: Bloodshot.

Zero Punctuation discovers that we could use another hero (and a way home) in this week's review of Suda 51's No More Heroes. Rightful finger-pointing at Suda 51's pretentiousness starts the review, but it soon gets slashed away by Yahtzee's belief that No More Heroes does offer something "different." As we all know, "different" is this industry's version of the Monopoly "Get Out of Jail Free" card. It won't save a game from nasty reviews, but the cuts are certainly less deep.

Thunderdome your way to this week's NSFW review of No More Heroes after the break.

Every other week Scott Jon Siegel contributes Off the Grid, a column about card games, board games, and everything else non-digital.

Last time on Off the Grid, we looked at the über-complicated Universal Fighting System. Attempting to ward off a headache, this week I've decided to look at Ghoulash, a dungeon-crawling 2-player paper game that doesn't do much in the strategy department, but makes up for it with easy-to-learn gameplay, and a stylish means of publication.

Ghoulash is best described as a pared down version of Dungeons and Dragons, where both players are DMing for each other. Game boards are sold in Ghoulash "Scenario Pack" magazines, each featuring three unique scenarios, with four copies each. Each scenario features a map of the 2D terrain, and special instructions on top of the basic rules. Both players use copies of the same map at the same time, making the game a race to see who can complete the objectives first.

Every other week Scott Jon Siegel contributes Off the Grid, a column about card games, board games, and everything else non-digital.

Chun Li versus Seung Mina; Nightmare versus Morrigan; Akuma versus Tycho Brahe: Ultimate showdowns we're likely never to see outside of crudely-written fan-fiction and our own fevered dreamings. Luckily for us, Sabertooth Games has devised the Universal Fighting System, a collectible card game that allows players to mix and match licensed decks to create legendary one-on-one battles.

There's one problem, or maybe I should call it a caveat: UFS isn't going to be for everybody. Beyond the gorgeous illustrations, and clear appeal to video game fans, this is most definitely a gamer's game; cards are littered with special icons, point values, and ancillary functions that dwarf the relative simplicity of CCGs like Magic: The Gathering and Pokémon. Of course, the reward for this technical complexity is depth, with an incredibly strategic experience waiting to be unlocked by the hardiest of players. Not to deter you, but let this be a warning: A casual card game this is not.

Every other week Scott Jon Siegel contributes Off the Grid, a column about card games, board games, and everything else non-digital.

We're not supposed to judge books by their covers, and the same can logically be applied to games. We are, however, supposed to judge books by their content -- the story, the writing, and everything else that falls between the first and last pages -- and here is where games are slightly different. While sharp writing, or a good story can often strengthen a non-digital game, ultimately it's the design that determines whether it's any good.

So yes, Custom Game Co's Horse Fair Card Game has a pretty bland cover. And yes, the story is pretty much explained by the title. And yes, it does come with plastic horsies. But the only thing that really matters is the gameplay, and there Horse Fair Card Game proves that it's a lot more than just a game for little girls.

Every other week Scott Jon Siegel contributes Off the Grid, a column about card games, board games, and everything else non-digital.

Oddly enough, it's a very appropriate time to review designer Yehuda Berlinger's debut game. In its original incarnation, It's Alive! was a Chanukah-themed title known as The Menorah Game. Upon being picked up by publisher Reiver Games, however, the theme was changed to something a bit more universal: building monsters from the remains of the dead.

Aside from the bizarre re-skinning, It's Alive! remains mechanically identical to its holiday-oriented ancestor. Two to five players compete to be the first to assemble their monster by collecting the eight different types of body parts required. It used to be candles, and now it's body parts. A simple transition.

More than just a monster game, It's Alive! is hand-published by Reiver Games, with care and attention given to the game's presentation. From the stellar illustrations, to the individually-numbered editions, It's Alive! embodies the indie aesthetic of non-digital games, and that alone is most definitely worth something.

Every other week Scott Jon Siegel contributes Off the Grid, a column about card games, board games, and everything else non-digital.

Alan R. Moon's Ticket to Ride is widely considered to be one of the greatest board games of the last decade, but the reason for this may elude players at first. After all, Ticket to Ride is deceptively simplistic, with a weak fiction to justify a gameplay mechanic that's little more than connecting dots on a board. Players who invest in the experience, however, can quickly find that Moon's award-winning game is greater than the sum of its parts.

The original version of Ticket to Ride takes place in North America at the turn of the 20th century. Players compete to travel around the U.S. (and parts of Canada), claiming various train routes between cities in order to earn points. The game would like you to believe that it's a grand race across the country; even the back of the box states that the objective is to travel to the most cities by train in just 7 days. Unfortunately, the rules and gameplay don't really justify this grandiose storyline.

Every other week Scott Jon Siegel contributes Off the Grid, a column about card games, board games, and everything else non-digital.

I'm a little late for Halloween, but that shouldn't mean I have to miss out on all the spooky fun. Luckily, Looney Labs have sent along Zombie Fluxx, a standalone expansion to their ever-popular card game with the ever-changing rules.

Zombie Fluxx isn't just a clever re-skinning of the original, but rather a new set of rules and cards built on to the existing mechanics. The base game remains the same: 2-6 players amend and append the game's starting rules, while attempting to win by collecting Keepers to meet the conditions of the goal, which is constantly in a state of, well, you know.

This time around, Looney Labs have included some new mechanics to spice up the gameplay. Zombies enter the fray as "Creeper" cards. Unlike the helpful Keepers the Creepers can actually prevent players from winning, as some goals dictate that a player needs to be zombie-free to claim victory. Unlike all other cards, Creepers go immediately into play once drawn, rather than into the player's hand, making every draw from the deck a possible immediate zombie encounter.

It's not uncommon for video games to feature gameplay dependent upon gimmicks and peripherals, from early 8-bit examples like Gyromite to more modern releases such as Guitar Hero and Dance Dance Revolution, each of which changed the gaming experience by altering how we interact with the games we play.

In this way, Sony and SCE Studios Japan's The Eye of Judgment is one of the most ambitious experiments with game design to date, and in leveraging off of the considerable card game experience of Hasbro and its Wizards of the Coast subsidiary, best known for the Magic: The Gathering and Star Wars collectible card games, The Eye of Judgment's pedigree is certainly not one to be taken lightly. Marrying a tabletop card game with the PlayStation 3 has created an experience that is if nothing else unique; unfortunately the lynchpin in this union, the newly launched PlayStation Eye camera, is also the game's Achilles' heel, oftentimes bringing an unwelcome sense of frustration to players gaming in anything but the most ideal settings, something which we covered in much greater detail previously.

Chris Grant, playing the Danny Trip to my Matthew Albie, and I concocted a rather novel concept for Joystiq's Yaris review on Tuesday, wherein Toyota's old marketing slogans would be littered throughout the text. Phrases such as "Moving forward advert gaming" or "Oh what a feeling we get when playing Yaris" would have been the inopportune solid object collision with your funny bone. Unfortunately, to chase the laughs and satirize the release of the Xbox Live Arcade game would be doing a disservice.

Crafted in a circle of Hell even Dante didn't believe existed, the developers of Castaway Entertainment created Yaris with an objective I can only believe is to cultivate anger in those who play it. I know an allusion to Dante's Inferno seems passé, the standard go-to reference for the sophomore year English Lit major, but forgive me because I feel that this accurately conveys what a truly diabolical creation this game is. Rosemary's baby's got jack on Yaris.

Every other week Scott Jon Siegel contributes Off the Grid, a column on gaming away from the television screen or monitor.

Looney Labs -- makers of Fluxx and those bizarre Icehouse pieces -- are once again in their element with Chrononauts, a time-traveling card game that is almost too clever to work. Almost.

Unlike other games, it's the complexity of Chrononauts that saves it from mediocrity. With a heady central "timeline" mechanic, and a 44-page booklet of rules that reads like an operations manual for the Flux Capacitor, it would be pretty easy for the crunchy game to fold under the weight of its own ambition. Luckily for Looney, time travel was never meant to be easy, and it's too damn fun hopping through history to allow a little bit of complexity to get in the way.

We've already had a first look at Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, and we've seen the multiplayer video that was pre-alpha, but this was the first chance for us to snatch up the controller and get our hands dirty in the actual game. Sure, it's a beta build, but the first thing we can say is yes ... it does look that good.

The second thing we can say is yes ... it does look that good, and then some. Activision had an event at a trendy bar / club in Los Angeles yesterday, and we were among one of the first groups to get our game on outside of Infinity Ward. Despite some major router issues on their end that delayed things by a couple of hours, the game still managed to blow us away thoroughly.

Okay, before you start raking me over the coals again like some of you did with my writeup of StarCraft 2, I'll preempt this writeup similarly. However, I've played World of WarCraft a lot longer than I ever did StarCraft, much to the chagrin of my ex-girlfriend. Is there a correlation there? The world may never know.

Anyhow, the preemption part of this post is that I haven't played WoW enough for some of your strict demands. My Human Female Warlock Character is resting on her laurels somewhere around Level 43, and I bought The Burning Crusade, but never installed it. It still sits on the shelf, mocking me, taunting me, and haunting my dreams.