The pen IS mightier than the sword…

Here’s some free advice: 

There are two types of professionals you should never intentionally pick a fight with:

1. Your Waitperson

2. An Author

You should never piss off your waitperson for the obvious reason that by doing so you are almost guaranteeing yourself a loogey in your mashed potatoes.

And you should never pick a fight with an author….well….because, honey, we know how to get even.  ;)

Last year when I was in the middle of penning the upcoming Death Perception a testimonial appeared in my inbox from a “fan” who absolutely detested the M.J. Holliday book, What’s A Ghoul To Do? 

The word “stupid” was used at least ten times to describe Steven, Gilley, M.J. and me for even thinking I could attempt another mystery series.  She went on, and on, and on about how she had essentially wasted her money by buying the book and I of course was completely to blame.  How dare I?

The woman then ended the testimonial by signing her name and attempting to post her thoughts to my website’s book testimonial page!  (Note - it’s extra bad when it’s targeted directly to you!)  And this, my friends…wasn’t even her biggest mistake.

No, for that I will point you to the fact that within this diatribe of nastiness she mentioned that, although she hated M.J., she was actually a big fan of the Abby Cooper series, along with all her friends and a few family members….

And so, come September…my little “fan” and some of her close friends and family will likely read about a character with a very similar name, (i.e. nearly identical but not enough to get me sued) depicted in one of the most comical and fabulously scandalous scenes within Death Perception.  And trust me…this isn’t a scene which in any way flatters that character.  :)  (Also trust me….you’ll know it when you read it!)

Is that a mean thing to do? 


Do I care? 


See, although I absolutely understand that reading is subjective and over time there will be MANY people who don’t appreciate my particular sense of humor or writing style and who will post all sorts of negative stuff out on the Internet about me - the defining line is that if you’re going to actually work to piss me off by targeting me directly - well - then you deserve to have your lunch handed to you with a loogey in your mashed potatoes!

And now I’m faced with another psycho who’s working her butt off, trying to pick a fight with me.  She’s this hateful beast with the tag name “Butterscotch” posting alllll sorts of crap about me on Amazon.  She’s even systematically going through each one of my books and assigning a one star rating with buckets of bullshit in her reviews and folks - if this woman has read ONE word of any of my books then I’m a monkey’s uncle.

She strikes me as mentally unstable, there was a whole series of comments from her telling me that she’s taken “screen shots” of some of my quotes and calling all my fans “minions”….minions!  (I suppose that means I walk around with a pitchfork?) 

The head scratcher is that this nut is a total stranger to me and I had no prior beef with her, in fact, I could have cared less if she had maybe stopped at one or two comments or one or two reviews, (and happily, her efforts to the contrary haven’t dampened sales in the least…) but it’s her extra effort that I take issue with.  Lying about reading a book you haven’t just so you can assign it a one star rating and then repeating that process over and over again…well….that’s someone looking for a battle.

So, darling Butterscotch, as you’ve worked so vigorously to get my attention and let me know you’re itching for a fight…allow me to be the first to declare that the gloves are officially off.

In other words, if in a year you should pick up a copy of Doom With A View and read about a certain transvestite prostitute with a piss poor attitude and a bad case of V.D., who just happens to go by the name of an ice cream topping….well, you and I and all of our closest friends and family will know exactly where that inspiration came from.  ;)

And by the way - anyone else out there thinking they can just arbitrarily slam an author and feel good about being particularly nasty…be warned….my editor thinks this concept of mine is hilarious and she’s going to suggest the idea to her other authors who are fed up with being targets for the mentally deranged…in other words I’d advise being very careful whom you choose to direct a personal barb at lest your alter ego appear in a less than flattering way in that author’s next book.

S’all I’m sayin’…



Date posted: July 10th, 2008 | 13 comments (click to view & add a new comment)

| Previous Posts | Blog Archives | Back to top ^