Things Runs-Like-Hell Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The Garou Nation

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1. Must not hump homid legs anymore.
2. Especially not Black Furies.
3. Must not sniff butts while in Homid anymore.
4. Especially not Black Furies.
5. No longer allowed to ask Wendigo or Uktena if I can bum some Peyote.
6. Taking the Forgotten does not get rid of bills.
7. It is called Taking the Forgotten, not Taking the Supermodels for a reason.
8. Just because the spirits gave me Open Seal does not mean I have to use it on the Alpha's gown every moot.
9. Or the Beta's pants.
10. Just because the Ahroun can do it, doesn’t mean I can.
11. Not allowed to call Athros stupid, tainted, or smelly, even if I'm right.
12. Must not prank other Rotagar.
13. Must not get caught pranking pack mates.
14. Leaving Barney dolls all over the Bawn isn't funny.
15. No longer allowed to use Trash Magnet on anyone from the sept. Especially the Get of Fenris.
16. Create Element is not to be used as a cigarette lighter or emergency shower.
17. Sense Hot Dog Vendor is not a Gaian gift!
18. There *is* such a thing as a Wyrm-tainted hot dog.
19. The Woman may have enjoyed being humped, but it is never appropriate to do so in the middle of a Sept.
20. Especially not if the Woman belongs to the Silver Fangs.
21. Having Heightened Senses does not make me Daredevil. Even if I'm blind.
22. Spirit of the Fray does not make me the Flash.
23. Mustn’t mark territory while in Homid.
24. A Gathering for the Departed is not required for a Chevy.
25. I can't scratch my left ear with my hind paw in Homid form. Even if I am Double-Jointed.
26. Hazing is not part of a Rite of Passage.
27. The Silver Record is not an LP, and it is wrong to tell cubs that it is.
28. The Litany is not an invocation to the Dark Powers, and it is wrong to tell the cubs that it is.
29. Being in the Silver Pack does not entitle me to call myself 'Son of the Phoenix'. Even if my mother is named Jean Grey.
30. The proper suffix for someone of higher rank is -rhya, not -doodyhead.
31. Even if their head is covered in faeces.
32. Mustn’t leave droppings in hats.
33. All the fire hydrants in the city have been marked; I don’t need to do it again.
34. Just because the Glass Walkers' Totem is Cockroach, does not mean they're dirty and unhygienic.
35. The local 7/11 is not my hunting ground.
36. Neither are Wal-Mart or Kroger.
37. I do not feel like Corax tonight, like Corax tonight.
38. There is no such thing as Were-Chicken.
39. Not allowed to tell the Corax that Were-Chicken is for Dinner.
40. The Heap is a Bone Gnawer Totem, and should remain so.
41. A Grand Klaive is not to be used to trim my beard.
42. Fetishes are not made from Juju-fruits.
43. Mustn’t call the Corax Heckle or Jeckle.
44. Control Complex Machine does not work on planes, and I must not test that.
45. Mustn’t dare cubs to step sideways while on an airplane.
46. Teaching small spirits to taunt the Theurge is cruel.
47. A medicine pouch must not necessarily contain a small amount of Nexus Crawler faeces. And it is wrong to tell the cubs it must.
48. Voice of the Jackal isn’t fun.
49. Must not refer to the Ahroun Metis as 'The Thing'.
50. No longer allowed to use Thieving Talons of the Magpie to take candy from babies.
51. No longer allowed to use Voice of the Mimic during Moot.
52. Paws of the Newborn cub does not require me to cut off a cub's paws.
53. No longer allowed to use any gifts during Moot.
54. {next week} No longer allowed to use gifts on Bawn.
55. Putting gum in the Prima Donna's hair is not funny.
56. Especially not in Crinos.
57. Mustn’t shave lupus elders while they sleep.
58. Mustn’t shave anyone while they sleep.
59. If I wake them in the process of shaving them, it still counts.
60. There is no such thing as an Urge Wyrm of Cute.
61. Mustn’t summon anything larger than my paw.
62. Paw refers to lupus, not Crinos form.
63. Mustn't use Song of the Great Beast during Moot.
64. Nair does not make body soap, and it is wrong to tell the lupus otherwise.
65. Metis are not filled with candy like piñatas.
66. Neither are Banes.
67. Nothing is filled with candy like a piñata except for Piñatas.
68. Piñata spirits do not exist.
69. Black Furies may not be referred to as "Hot Momma's."
70. Mustn’t call Shadow Lords "Senator Palpatine."
71. Red Talons do not use fingernail polish.
72. "Wendigo" is not a Jamaican question.
73. Neither is "Uktena".
74. Mustn't call Silver Fangs 'King of the Hill.'
75. Children of Gaia are not all under the age of six.
76. Get of Fenris are not to be referred to as "Gophers"
77. I may call the Fianna "Micks" at my own peril.
78. "Dicing with the Dark One" does not refer to the Silent Striders.
79. Black Spiral Dancer's don’t do disco.
80. Glass Walkers are not all nerds.
81. Bone Gnawers know they smell, and I shouldn’t remind them.
82. Nor should I use half a can of Axe body spray on one of them.
83. Black Furies are not lesbians and I should not ask them this.
84. Stargazers are not all Stoners.
85. Some Ahrouns can count to ten.
86. Ahrouns may not be referred to as 'cannon-fodder.'
87. Not all Galliards are alcoholic and I should not drive them to drink just to test this.
88. Philodox do not charge an hourly rate.
89. Theurges are not fetish factories.
90. Not all Ragabash are stupid pranksters.
91. Just the good ones.
92. Some Lupus can count. And read. And write. Just not well, and I shouldn't taunt them for it.
93. Metis are not Teddy bears.
94. The Shadow Lords are not Ninja.
95. Neither am I.
96. Knowing Kailindo does not entitle me to call cubs 'Grasshopper'.
97. The proper greeting towards a Get of Fenris is not 'Sieg Heil!'
98. Jam Technology in an elevator is not funny.
99. Unless a cute Kinfolk is alone in there
100. Unless she is Get Kin.
101. Or a Black Fury Elder.
102. The Gift Inspiration does not refer to artistic pursuits.
103. Or sex.
104. Create Element doesn’t make Gold.
105. Or Platinum, plutonium, or anything else fun.
106. I may not rub the Lupus's belly to see if his leg will twitch.
107. My nose is not wet in Crinos.
108. And I should not test that.
109. Going through trashcans does NOT substitute for hunting.
110. Unless you are a Bone Gnawer
111. There is no "secret Garou handshake."
112. There is no such thing as a Were-ET.
113. My name is not "Wolverine". The Wolverine is
a) a Totem, and
b) a comic book character.
114. Ahrouns do not appreciate my particular brand of humour, so I should stop bleaching bulls-eyes in their fur.
115. Smoking dope does NOT make me see into the Umbra, and it is wrong to tell the cubs it does.
116. Neither does PCP.
117. Heroin is Wyrm-tainted. And I should not test that.
118. The Fianna do not have any "lucky charms" and I should stop asking about them.
119. Crucifixes do not ward off den mothers and I should not test that.
120. Unless properly Awakened, wolfsbane does not ward off other Garou, and I should not test that.
121. It is very bad manners to offer a Bastet mice or Catnip.
122. A fetish ring should not be referred to as 'my precious'.
123. Just because it followed me home doesn’t mean I get to keep it.
124. Especially if I used a leash.
125. Or if it's clinging to my back with its claws, or howling the Symphony of the Abyss.
126. Bastet do NOT hunt and eat Ratkin, and I should not tell Ratkin that.
127. Neither should I tell the young Bastet this.
128. 'Bohemian Rhapsody' is not a proper Moot-song.
129. Unless it is a Stargazer moot.
130. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are not a pack of Mokolé led by a Ratkin.
131. No matter what the Mokolé say.
132. Wolverine was not a Wendigo.
133. Wolverine isn't a Garou. Period.
134. Sabretooth isn't a Bastet. Period.
135. Canada is not to be referred to as "the northern latrine."
136. Nor as 'Canuckland'.
137. Airborne ops are not referred to as "Raining Cats and Dogs."
138. Underground Ops are not referred to as 'Mole Hunting'.
139. Runs-Like-Hell isn't a proper Garou name. Even if I am a coward.
140. Life is not like a box of chocolates. There is no paper saying what is in the middle of every piece, and there is not caramel filling.
141. Spirit of the Fray does not make me fast enough to attempt a Matrix-style dodge.
142. I am not Neo.
143. Nor am I Li Mu Bai.
144. Wearing slabs of meat around my neck will not force the Red Talons to be my friends.
145. Nor will spraying myself in animal musk.
146. Chain mail Bikinis are not the Black Fury uniform.
147. Kilts are not the Fianna uniform.
148. Not all Get are blond and I should not use bleach to make them that way.
149. Not all Fianna are redheads and I should not use iodine to make them that way.
150. Silver Fangs and "Just for men" Hair colour equals bad combination.
151. Nuwisha are not Wile E. Coyote and I should stop taunting them with roadrunners.
152. The Corax motto is not "Nevermore."
153. The Skin Dancers are not a tribe of strippers.
154. So I should stop waving singles at them.
155. I should stop calling every Mokolé I meet "Crocodile Dundee"
156. Or "Littlefoot."
157. I should stop telling cubs that Mokolé were created by humans cloning dinosaurs for a theme park attraction.
158. I should stop asking every Khan if he crouches.
159. And every Mokolé if he hides.
160. And I should stop asking both where the Green Destiny Sword is.
161. Not allowed to trade pretty beads to the Wendigo for their caerns
162. Don't piss on the possessed trees.
163. Telling the cubs that they need to hunt The Cow for a special moot is wrong, and I should not tell them so. (Even if it would be funny to watch)
164. 'Here doggie' is not a way to call Lupus.
165. I won't freeze if something impossible happens.
166. 'Howl at the Moon' is a bar and I shouldn't sit in front of it and howl.
167. Don't see the Vet when you're in Homid.
168. Don't see the Vet when you're in Glabro.
169. Don't see the Vet when you're in Hispo.
170. The Vet can't see you when you're in Crinos.
171. Don't give the Ahrouns a 'full moon.'
172. Don't give the Philodox a 'half moon.'
173. All play and no work makes Runs-Like-Hell a bad puppy.
174. Not allowed to shave my entire Crinos body, put blue temporary tattoos all over, paint my claws metallic silver, and run around drooling, and telling the cubs I'm the First Ronin.
175. The First Ronin is not the sequel to The Last Samurai, and I should not tell the cubs that it is.
176. I will not make up lyrics to the Beverly Hillbillies and Gilligan's Island theme music.
177. And I will not teach them to clueless Galliards.
178. Especially right before Moots.
179. There is no such thing as Spanish Fly, and I will not attempt to disprove this by locking up a Silver Fang and a Bone Gnawer Kin in a closet with a bottle.
180. I will not refer to the Black Fury breeding project as "the puppy mill".
181. I will not taunt Children of Gaia with the sexual connotations of the unicorn legend.
182. I will not put Rokea Kinfolk in the Stargazer koi pond.
183. I will not put Ratkin Kinfolk in hedge mazes with a bit pile of Limburger cheese in the middle.
184. I will not announce the Rokea ambassador by making "Dun-dun" noises.
185. I will not announce the Ratkin emissary by humming "It's a Small World, After All".
186. I will not ask Corax if they are Original Recipe or Extra Crispy.
187. I will not use Black Dog Games as a way of teaching the cubs about the world.
188. I will not slip Viagra into the Galliard's food. Especially not before a moot.
189. I will not call Mokolé "Draco".
190. I will not ask Mokolé to do a Sean Connery impression.
191. I will not ask Mokolé if they've found any of their Kinfolk in the sewers yet.
192. I will not take the Ratkin on a snack food run to O'Tolley's.
193. I will not sing the theme song to the old Spider-Man cartoon in the presence of Ananasi.
194. I will not announce the arrival of Gurahl to the caern by saying "Da Bears!"
195. TNT + Cartoon mice = Okay. TNT + Ratkin = Don't do it again.
196. I will not invite Bastet and Ajaba over to watch the Lion King on DVD.
197. I will not ask the Rokea which was the better movie, "Jaws" or "Deep Blue Sea."
198. I will stop asking the Fianna to Riverdance.
199. I will not dye my fur green and stomp around the caern in Crinos form, saying "Hulk Smash".
200. Nor will I dye the fur of any Ahrouns or Get of Fenris green in an attempt to get the same result.
201. I will not dye the fur of Khan Kinfolk white and ship them to Las Vegas.
202. I will not dye the fur of any members of the sept any colour, for any reason, without expressed written consent of the Sept Alpha.
203. I will not try to forge the signature of the Sept Alpha.
204. I will not tell the Shadow Lords that thunder is just the noise and lightning does all the work.
205. I will not throw green flash powder into the caern fire.
206. I will not attempt to cook using the caern fire.
207. I will not ask the Glass Walkers how their Enron stock is doing.
208. I will not tell the cubs that Grand Klaives are talens, and are only good once.
209. I will not try to one up the Silver Fangs by claiming to be a "Gold Fang".
210. "Because he changed into a wolf" is not a good excuse for why you brought the vampire into the caern.
211. It's an even worse excuse if you brought a mage into the caern.
212. Ananasi are not allergic to garlic.
213. Ananasi DO have reflections.
214. Must not try to stake the Ananasi.
215. Ananasi are NOT vampires and should not be compared to them.
216. Must not try to photograph furry porn with a Bastet and a Kitsune as subjects.
217. Even if they're game for it.
218. Must not ask Glass Walkers to rebuild me.
219. Must not remind them that they have the technology.
220. Must not quote any lines from the 6-Million Dollar Man in the presence of Glass Walkers.
221. No matter how obscure.
222. Not allowed to quote from the Bionic Woman. Ever.
223. I will not roll around in dead things - no matter how enticingly bad they smell.
224. I will not trick the dogcatcher into chasing me around a corner while I'm in lupus form and then surprise them in Crinos form.
225. I will not push the dogcatcher truck over on its side.
226. I will not go in Old Mrs. Kettlemyer’s Prize winning rose bush.
227. Not even in lupus form.
228. I will not ask Silent Striders if they've got sand in uncomfortable places.
229. I will not clean my own genitals with my tongue - well, at least not during a moot.
230. If seen kicking up grass with my back legs I will not smile proudly and expect a treat.
231. Especially if it was in the Bawn or Caern.
232. I will not bug the Keeper of the Land about mowing the grass.
233. I will not sing, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" to a Simba to see if he gets pissed off.
234. I will not bug the Simba to find out where Scar is and what he is up to these days.
235. I will never attempt to play matchmaker in any sept.
236. I will not drug or intoxicate a Sept leader to accomplish anything on this list.
237. I will not lead a dogcatcher into a Bone Gnawer Moot.
238. "Stop humping my leg" is NOT an invitation to start humping a different piece of anatomy.
239. I will not tell Bone Gnawer cubs that when they get out of adolescence, they'll get "fixed".
240. I will not teach cubs that if you play Barry Manilow tunes backwards, you can hear the BSD Litany.
241. Even if it is true.
242. A Moon Bridge is not a punishment rite in which the offender must walk naked across Golden Gate, and I will not teach the cubs that it is.
243. I will not refer to eating humans as "The Garou Nation Atkins Diet".
244. Baked beans, consumed in large quantities, do not "cleanse you of Wyrm toxins", and I will not tell the Lupus otherwise.
245. I will not open Moots by singing, "Let's all go to the Ba-awn, let's all go to the Ba-awn, let's got the Ba-awn, and get ourselves a Gift".
246. Nor will I teach cubs to do it for me.
247. I will not paint "Property of the Get of Fenris" on the fur of Black Furies.
248. Nor will I paint "Property of the Black Furies" on the fur Get of Fenris.
249. I will not sing "Bare Necessities" in the presence of Gurahl.
250. I will not refer to Gurahl as "Smokey" "Baloo" or any other names that I have heard cartoon bears called.
251. I will not ask Black Furies whether it is more traditional to have the Lesbian orgy before or after the moot.
252. Even if I really want to know.
253. And I don't mind her hitting me.
254. Because they won't let me bring a camera anyway.
255. I will not ask Children of Gaia if I can bum some weed off of them.
256. Gaia is not to be referred to as "Big Momma."
257. Nor is Luna.
258. I will not even think the phrase "A woman's place" in the presence of Black Furies.
259. Or the Valkyries of Freya.
260. And if I do, it definitely must not be followed by "is at home, barefoot, and pregnant."
261. "Bark at the Moon" "Of Wolf and Man" and "Hungry Like the Wolf" are not appropriate music for moots.
262. I will not say the word "dog" anywhere remotely near a Red Talon.
263. "Puppy", "Fluffy", "Fido", "Rover" and "Spot" are also out of the question.
264. Nor shall I mention casinos around Wendigo.
265. Asking Bone Gnawers if they have change for a 20 is not funny.
266. I will not bikini-wax the lupus.
267. The Sept Alpha's shoes are not my territory, and I will not mark them as such.
268. Neither is the Glass Walker's computer.
269. I will not give Fianna leaflets for AA.
270. Milk bones are not good Christmas presents for other Garou.
271. Corax do not taste like chicken. I will not test this.
272. I will not try to serve Rokea Shark-fin soup.
273. I will not invite Kitsune to go foxhunting.
274. Bear-baiting is not an appropriate form of entertainment at any function that will be attended by Gurahl.
275. I will not attempt to chase Bastet up trees.
276. I will not offer bags of kitty litter to Bastet In case of accidents.
277. I will not offer used kitty littler to Uktena saying a Bastet left a hidden treasure in there that no one was supposed to find.
278. Asking Wendigo to get you some cheap smokes is not appropriate during a moot.
279. Handing out photocopies of my butt with the phrase "Have you seen this....*in tiny letters*dog" is not funny, regardless of how many Ragabash laugh.
280. Using photocopies of others is likewise not funny.
281. Regardless of form.
282. I will not tell the young shamans that to properly complete a ritual and make the spirits happy, they need to do White Boy Dances (e.g. the lawnmower, the water sprinkler, the weed eater, etc.)
283. I must not offer betting odds to onlookers at pack alpha challenges.
284. Especially not when it's the challenge for my pack's alpha.
285. I will not randomly introduce Rokea as "loan shark", "card shark" or "pool shark".
286. Nor will I expect the Ahroun to protect me when the Rokea find out.
287. I should not say, "Wonder how many shoes I can get out of him" in the hearing of a Mokolé.
288. Same goes for belts and handbags.
289. I can't ask them how many humans they've eaten today.
290. I should not make any Jurassic park jokes around them, either.
291. I should not expect the Ahrouns to help me if I do insult the raging dino-dragon-shifter.
292. I will not sing "Smooth Criminal" while the Glass Walker is crossing a Moon Bridge.
293. I will not ask sept members of the opposite sex if they want to “make Metis.”
294. Especially if they’re Black Furies.
295. I will not refer to Albino Metis as Michael Jackson.
296. I will not refer to Blind Metis as Daredevil.
297. I will not ask Hunchback Metis to say “Yes Master.”
298. I will not fart in the face of Metis that have no sense of smell.
299. I will not call Metis with Seizures “Shakey.”
300. I will not teach Deaf Metis obscene gestures under the pretence of teaching them sign language.
301. “Being possessed by Ancestor spirits” is not an acceptable excuse for my bad behaviour.
302. I will not inflict severe injuries to “sensitive” areas of my person and then ask people to use Mother’s Touch on them.
303. Especially not Black Furies.
304. I will not use Truth of Gaia on people while I’m asking them out on dates.
305. I will not say “Snikt!” while activating Razor Claws.
306. I will not instruct cubs that to accurately perform the Rite of the Fetish, one must dress in tight black leather or vinyl.
307. I will not pester the Corax to say "Nevermore".
308. I will not tell lupus cubs that "Fuck you" is the proper way to greet other people in homid.
309. Nor any other form of profanity.
310. And also not for any other useful phrases they might need.
311. I will not sing the "Mickey Mouse" song to introduce Ratkin.
312. I will not try to trade my alpha's Klaive to a Fianna for some of their booze.
313. It is wrong to open a concession stand before or during challenges.
314. It is equally wrong to offer the same snacks for free.
315. It is wrong to announce 'Aaannnd in this corner --' before challenges.
316. Even if the Ritemaster didn't catch me. And I must not test this.
317. The local dog-pound is not an acceptable place to 'foster out' Metis cubs. And I must not tell cubs this.
318. Or train young Ragabash, or anyone else, to tell them this.
319. It is wrong to tell cubs that Unicorn will abandon Children of Gaia who lose their virginity. And I must not teach cubs to tell them this.
320. Filling my pockets with bacon is not an acceptable way to court lupus Kinfolk. And I must not tell cubs that it is.
321. I must not try and be a 'dog-burglar.'
322. Or ask Bastet if they are cat burglars.
323. I will not let others make lists of behaviour for me.
324. Even the Philodox.
325. I must eat any list they make for me.
326. I must not tell the cubs that I'm eating paper for 'fibre.'
327. Even if it's true.
328. Road kill it not human food.
329. I must not tell the Lupus or Metis it is.
330. Even if some humans eat it.
331. I will not enrol Red Talons in obedience school.
332. I should not challenge for pack alpha just to worry the rest of my pack.
333. Crinos form is not to be used as a Halloween costume.
334. Giving 'Hispo rides' to mortal children is not a good way to make money, and I should not tell the cubs that it is.
335. I must not wax other Garou while they sleep.
336. Especially not Black Furies.
337. And I must not laugh at the result.
338. Even if it does look funny.
339. Just because I saw something on TV does not mean I should do it.
340. Especially if I saw it in a cartoon or anime.
341. I will not sing "Wild Thing" when the Theurge is trying to summon a Wyldling.
342. I will not bleach and colour Child of Gaia fur so that it is Tie Dyed.
343. I will not use any type of red hair colouring on Red Talons so they all are red.
344. I will not raid a museum and steal a dinosaur exhibit so the Bone Gnawers can have something special for Christmas.
345. While giving telescopes to Stargazers is a nice gesture, taking them a week later and replacing the lenses with a kaleidoscope is not funny.
346. Stealing the telescopes from the Glass Walkers is also not funny.
347. I will not give Wendigo turtle shell ashtrays for Christmas.
348. I will not ask the Elder Black Fury about a possible look-a-like on a dominatrix website. Doing such will just shorten my life span.
349. I will not file down the Get of Fenris's claws so he can't claw me to death for making Nazi jokes.
350. I will not give Red Talons chunky peanut butter for the express purpose of watching them eat it.
351. I will not ever steal the Fianna booze and replace with water or coffee.
352. I will not bind spirits into sex-toys as a "double-fetish".
353. Not even if they're okay with it.
354. I will not chase after girls dressed as Little Red Riding Hood on Halloween.
355. I will not suggest that Fianna dress in pointy hats and shoes at Christmas, "because they're half-elf, already".
356. I will be far, far from the Caern every April First.
357. Even if I have a good reason for being there.
358. I will not ask the Glass Walker Theurge to awaken the spirit of the Viagra that I'm not allowed to slip into anyone's food, anyway.
359. I will not use any methods to tape a "Black Furies Gone Wyld" video.
360. I will not celebrate St. Patrick's Day by slipping the Fianna something to turn their urine green.
361. When Summoning an Electrical Elemental I will not yell "Pikachu, I choose YOU!"
362. A Freakachu is not a Pikachu, and they don't enjoy the comparison.
363. I will not refer to Master of the Challenge as Judge Judy.
364. Even if she is a Judge and named Judy.
365. I will not put fire elementals in my chilli to spice it up.
366. I will not cook.
367. Not allowed to own any device used for recording images.
368. If I should end up having one, I must not post any pictures I take on the Digital Web.
369. Especially if those pictures contain sept elders.
370. Must never, under any circumstances, call a Black Fury a Black furry.
371. Doing so will get me killed... Or worse. Must never ever test this.
372. Not allowed near the power tools. Ever. Must not ask to use them.
373. Must never ask Sept Blacksmith to make chain mail bikini. Not allowed near shop anyways.
374. Must never offer to cut cards. Must never use knife or saw to do so.
375. Must never substitute Unicron for Unicorn when speaking to Children of Gaia.
376. Will not bring stuffed animals into sept.
377. Will not surreptitiously give phone numbers of werewolves to people who "are into furries."
378. Will not surreptitiously give phone numbers of werewolves to people who allergies to animal hair.
379. Will not try to talk White Wolf developers and writers into doing whole "Time of Judgement" thing as it is a bummer to end the line.
380. Will not refer to Corax as "Bothans", regardless of how many "died to bring us this information".
381. Will not refer to the Thunderwyrms as Graboids.
382. I must not call Bastet 'Mister Mistopheles.'
383. Or Rum-Tum-Tugger, or the name of any other 'Cats' character.
384. I must not suggest that the Bastet put on a performance of 'Cats.'
385. Andrew Lloyd Webber is not Bastet Kinfolk.
386. Andrew Lloyd Webber has nothing to do with the Fera. Any of them. At all.
387. I must not call facially disfigured Metis 'The Phantom of the Opera.'
388. And I must not give them a white mask that covers half of their face.
389. Or ask them to sing 'Music of the Night.'
390. I must not ask any Bagheera, Gurahl or Khan if they know how Mowgli is doing.
391. If I'm not allowed to do it, then I'm not allowed to teach the cubs to do it.
392. Or ask someone else to teach the cubs for me.
393. I'm not allowed to teach anyone else to do it.
394. "The First Ronin" is not an acceptable Halloween costume.
395. I will not ask a member of the Red Talons to have some human compassion.
396. I will not proposition a Black Fury.
397. I will not throw a tennis ball to a Get of Fenris.
398. If I find a Mokolé in the sleep of the Dragon, I will not dress up as an ape-man, shake him awake and say, "Human, explain yourself."
399. Nor will I dress up as a robot, wake him up and say, "Identify yourself, organic biped, or face termination."
400. I won't wake up the Mokolé with any sci-fi reference, no matter how obscure.
401. I will not call the very large and ugly Metis Ratkin "Ben."
402. I will not train any Ratkin rodens Kinfolk to be my army of vengeful rodents and chew up people’s tires and crash their parties.
403. Despite their totemic alliance, I will not call any Bone Gnawers Willard. Even if I know one that is psychotic and lives with his mother.
404. I will not asked the skinny one to say, "zoink."
405. Method not allowed.
406. I will not shut a Bastet in a box as part of a Schrödinger’s Cat experiment so that he is neither dead nor alive until the box is opened.
407. I will not then dare cubs to open the box.
408. If there are two Ratkin hanging around at night, I will not ask them if they Pinky and the Brain.
409. I will not ask them if they are trying to take over the world.
410. Must never make anime references around Hengeyokai.
411. Especially references to Dragonball Z...
412. A Klaive is not to be used as a toy.
413. Or a kitchen knife.
414. It is not to be referred to as a Ginsu. It is wrong to teach the cubs to call it that.
415. The other Fera are not Pokémon. I don't have to catch them all.
416. I will not ask Ratkin if they are pondering what I'm pondering.
417. I will not ask Ratkin to say "Point," "Narf" or "Egad".
418. I will not call Ratkin "Mickey" or "Minnie".
419. The clothing store, Weaver's, is not the stronghold of the Spider Queen.
420. And the mannequins are not Drones on guard duty.
421. Warren Zephon was not singing about English Veil-breakers.
422. I will not tell the cubs that the local Gurahl stole their "pic-uh-nic" basket.
423. "Klaive" is not an all-powerful choice for Paper, Rock, Scissors.
424. Especially if it's a real Klaive.
425. Must not ask Chimera if he/she was schooled in Freud or Jung.
426. Awakened notebooks will not teach the Gift "Fatal Papercut."
427. The Stargazers did not leave because "the Garou Nation's Kung-Fu was not mighty enough."
428. Charlotte's Web is not about Ananasi and Grondr.
429. I will not call Ratkin "Templeton."
430. I will not sing "Kung-Fu Fighting" in the presence of Stargazers.
432. Black Tooth and the Endless Storm were not inspired by Thundercats and I will not tell the cubs such.
432. A Silver Hakarr is not the Sword of Omens and the Bastet do not know the secret of the Eye of Thundera.
433. King Kong is not proof were-apes exist.
434. I will not tell cubs who call my bluff to go ask the Mokolé to prove it.
435. I will not use solar flares knocking out communication satellites in the midst of geomagnetic storms as an excuse to get Glass Walkers to restart the War of Rage on Mokolé.
436. Or Corax.
437. Nor will I tell Glass Walker cubs it's a message from Helios demanding they repent their urrah ways or die.
438. I will not tell the Red Talons this either.
439. I will not offer the visiting Khan dignitary some of Momma's Home-cooked Secret Recipe Lemon Grass Soup Wots Guaranteed To Help Those Hairballs Stay Down.
440. I will not offer any Bastet this soup.
441. I will not tell Strider cubs "Respect Another's Territory" means they can only enter the bawn if they first take the Elders to the Strider Homeland.
442. I will not tell cubs that coyote-culling on farmland is Coyote's way of keeping his children on the ball and therefore a good form of chiminage.
443. Especially when the caern is built over an old Kiba.
444. I must not shout the names of my attacks and Gifts before using them. It is stupid and wrong to do this.
445. It is wrong to call my mentor Master Roshi, even if he is a dirty old man.
446. It is wrong to hold my weapon over my head and shout “By the power of Grey Skull, I have the power" before shifting to Crinos. It is wrong to teach the cubs to do this.
447. I am no longer to make "All your base" references.
448. I am no longer allowed to play Zero Wing or any other electronic game, except Tetris.
449. The Garou are not ninjas. We do not "flip out and kill stuff for no reason". It is wrong to teach the cubs this.
450. I will not ask Theurges if they "cast the spells that make the people fall down."
451. I will not offer to make Sword-chucks for the Ahroun. I will not teach cubs to do this.
452. In general I will not teach cubs anything without at least 2 Philodox present.
453. I will not drug the Philodox.
454. I will not have others drug the Philodox.
455. Just because I see something on the Net, that does not make it true.
456. This also applies to the radio, television, and newspaper.
457. Especially anime and manga.
458. I will not refer to the Sept as "The Addams Family".
459. My pack alpha is not to be called "Cousin It." Even if he is extremely hairy in all of his forms.
460. Garou are not "Fuzzy superheros". It is wrong to teach this to the cubs.
461. It is wrong to call the Garou Nation "The Just Us League". It is also wrong to teach the cubs to do so.
9462. I will not screw with numbering systems.
463. I will not teach the cubs that pissing on an electricity spirit is a part of their Rite of Passage.
464. It is wrong to ask an old Stargazer or Hakken if he is Master Li Kao.
465. It is also wrong to ask any Stargazer or Hakken if he/she has "a slight flaw" in their character.
466. And I must not teach the cubs (or anyone else) to do so.
467. I will not start a bar-fight just to show off my awesome tricks. I will not teach cubs to do so.
468. I will not enter bar or tavern and say "Hey y'all, watch this" and change into Crinos. I will not tell cubs to do so.
469. I will not shift to Lupus when someone says "change for a dollar." I will not teach cubs to do so.
470. I will not tell Ahroun that my Kung-Fu is mightier; doing so will just get me killed.
471. I will not tell Red Talons that computer mother boards are ways of harnessing Gaia's power.
472. I will not send electricity spirits to fry Glass Walker mother boards. I will not teach cubs to do so.
473. I am not allowed to talk to electricity spirits.
474. Even if they come to me.
475. I will not send pain spirits to torment my Alpha right before a "critical battle."
476. I will not talk to pain spirits at all.
477. Even if they come to me.
478. I will not send spirits to make Fianna feel as if they have a hang-over before the drinking starts.
479. Or after the drinking starts.
480. Or when they're already hung-over.
481. Or when they should already be hung-over.
482. I shall not sedate my Ahroun pack alpha and wake him up at next solar eclipse saying he slept through the Apocalypse.
483. A Rokea on whiskey is mighty risky, but a Rokea on beer is a beer engineer!
484. I will not ask the Mokolé for his "dragonballs."
485. Or his "power pole."
486. I will not speak to the Mokolé.
487. Must not whistle the theme of "The Godfather" when Glass Walker elders come to the sept. It is wrong to teach the cubs to do this.
488. Even if the elder likes the Godfather.
489. Especially if he is a godfather.
490. It is wrong to use quotes from sailor moon before shifting forms or entering combat. It is wrong to tell the cubs to do so.
491. Even if I am fight on Luna's behalf.
492. It is unbefitting for Gaia's warriors to wear sailor suits.
493. In any form.
494. Especially Crinos.
495. It is wrong to try to convince the cubs to do so.
496. Claiming Scooby Doo as my totem is not an acceptable excuse for cowardice.
497. I will not call Midget Metis "Scrappy Doo."
498. "Da Da Da Da Da Da, Puppy Power!" is not an appropriate battle cry.
499. "Eep," "meow," and other shows of weakness are also not appropriate battle cries.
500. I will not introduce the local Ratkin to my pet cats.
501. I will not try to pull tricks on other Ragabash just to see if they find it funny.
502. Nor will I do it just to be evil.
503. I will not pull tricks on other Ragabash at all.
504. Even when their pack mates ask me to.
505. Or when their Sept leader asks me to.
506. Or when a spirit asks me to.
507. Or when I have a dream about Gaia in which someone asks me to.
508. I am not allowed to be in the same room with other Ragabash while they sleep.
509. I am not allowed to drug their guards.
510. I am not allowed to as others to drug their guards for me.
511. I am not allowed to use a Bane skin to fool the sept spirits into thinking the Wyrm is attacking just to see who can howl the Anthem of War the loudest.
512. Claiming I am investigating whether Garou with Battlescars to their neck are viable caern guardians is not an acceptable defence for this behaviour.
513. Aesop was not a Garou. Claiming his Ancestor Spirit possessed me to do it is also not an acceptable excuse.
514. I am not allowed to peek out of the Umbra into women's dressing rooms.
515. I am not allowed to step sideways using the reflection off a urinal.
516. Not even if I'm drunk.
517. Or if the guy next to me is even drunker.
518. I won't offer cubs drinks as the "hair of the dog that bit you" after their first change
519. Even if they're Fianna.
520. I won't tell cubs that the First Change is what you get back from a $20.
521. Or that it only happens near cash registers.
522. I won't dare cubs to step into the Umbra using the rear view mirror while driving on the highway.
523. Especially not if they're driving.
524. Not even if we're driving over a newly built bridge.
525. Or through a newly completed tunnel.
526. Must not terrorize Old Mrs. Kettlemyer's cat.
527. Even if Fluffy did start it.
528. Small yap dogs and wood chippers are not a good combination.
529. Even if the yap dog is annoying.
530. Not allowed to spray-paint graffiti on peoples' cars.
531. In broad daylight.
532. In the middle of downtown.
533. In Crinos.
534. Must not tell the cubs to do so.
535. Not allowed to buy spray-paint.
536. Must not try to get the cubs to buy spray-paint for me.
537. Not allowed to have spray-paint ever, regardless of where it came from.
538. Not allowed to have straws anymore.
539. I am not allowed to converse with the local Hunters.
540. Even if I knew him/her prior to my Change.
541. I will not send cubs to relay my messages for me.
542. I will not speak to the cubs without an Ahroun present.
543. I will not trick the Ahroun into carrying the message for me.
544. I will not get others to trick the Ahroun into carrying the message for me.
545. I'm no longer allowed to speak to Ahroun at all.
546. I will not sneak over the moon bridges without the permission of the Sept elder.
547. I will not drug the Sept elder.
548. Toilet seats are not appropriate items to turn into fetish weapons.
549. Even if the spirit being bound is a Dung spirit.
550. No longer allowed to create fetishes.
551. Or talons.
552. Not allowed to give suggestions to Theurge cubs.
553. Not allowed to speak to Theurge cubs.
554. Not allowed to speak to any Theurge, regardless of age. Or rank.
555. Ratkin do not wield the Power of Cheese. Even if one tells you so.
556. Not allowed to tell the cubs that Ratkin wield the Power of Cheese.
557. Must not trick cubs into trying to "bring back the Howlers."
558. Must not trick cubs into asking a certain Mr. Skemp about "bringing back the Howlers."
559. Must not make magic electric shavers that chase Garou around and shave swaths of them down to the skin.
560. Night Scream from Transformers is not a Camazotz
561. I am not to make Transmetal jokes about people using the gift Brazen Bull.
562. I am not allowed to watch Transformers.
563. I am not allowed to watch TV Period.
564. Mokolé are not Dinobots, even if they do look like raptors.
565. And they are not Megatron, either, even if they are T-Rex's or dragons and talk to themselves.
566. I do not have a minicon, and not being able to find it is not an excuse for cowardice.
567. "Going on a spirit quest" does NOT mean to go on a "Beer run", and I must not tell the cubs that it is.
568. The Garou are not Autobots. It is wrong to tell the cubs otherwise.
569. Even if something is not on the list, that doesn't mean I can do it.
570. No longer allowed near sporting goods stores.
571. Going for drive through does not require that the car be rammed into the front of the building.
572. Must not call female lupus "Lassie".
573. Especially Bone Gnawers and Black Furies.
574. Must not teach the cubs to do so.
575. Rat trap is not a Ratkin engineer.
576. I will not dare Silent Strider cubs to enter Egypt. I will not teach the cubs to do so.
577. I will not speak to Striders without at least one Ahroun and two Philodox present.
578. I will not drug them.
579. I will not get anyone else to drug them.
580. I will not speak to Striders at all.
581. I will not say "run, Forrest, run" when in the presence of a Strider.
582. I will not make obscure movie references at all.
583. I'm not allowed to watch movies.
584. Especially werewolf movies.
585. I will not tell the Red Talons that Ahadi is Egyptian for Gaia.
586. Or Wyld.
587. Or Weaver.
588. Or Wyrm.
589. I will not make references to any of these beings around the Talons. I will not teach cubs to do so.
590. I will not speak to the Talons.
591. I will not try and convince a Rokea to sink a ship with a Ratkin on.
592. I will not ask a two-tails Kitsune where sonic is.
593. I will not ask any Kitsune where Sonic is.
594. I will not speak to the Kitsune
595. I will not ask a Zhong-Lung why he lets those men stick the head up his arse at the Chinese New Year
596. I will not ask a Stargazer what the sound of one paw clapping sounds like.
597. I will not speak to any of the Hengeyokai
598. I will not ask a Ratkin if they Finger Mouse.
599. I will not dress a sleeping Gurahl in tartan trousers and red shirt
600. I will not dress a sleeping Gurahl full stop
601. Even if they are naked and shivering.
602. I will not paint a Bastet purple and call it Custard.
603. I will not paint a Bastet any colour or call it anything
604. I will not convince BBC2 to fill a period drama where I know a Mokolé takes his daily jog.
605. I will not convince the BBC to film an episode or Red Dwarf there either.
606. I will not tell the cubs that the Cat was a Bastet.
607. Nor will I suggest this to a Bastet.
608. I will not see if there is enough room to swing a Bastet by the tail.
609. I will not try under any circumstances ever at all to even think about meeting let alone talking to a Nuwisha
610. I will not try and find out if Kitsune become a pillar of fire when embraced
611. I will not offer a penny for a Mokolé’s thoughts. thoughts.
612. I will not speak to the Mokolé. Ever.
613. I will not talk about Fight flub.
614. I will not be unpredictable
615. Or predictable.
616. I will not set up a Fera Fight flub
617. I will not make a Zhong Lung porn film called Enter the Dragon
618. I will not make any films.
619. Even home movies
620. I will not become a famous singer and invite MTV to film cribs in my Caern
621. The Biker Mice from Mars were not Ratkin.
622. I will not tell the cubs to go trick-or-treating in Crinos.
623. People being out of chocolate when trick-or-treating is not a good excuse for frenzy.
624. I will not complain about being hung over after attending a Fianna Moot.
625. Especially if I'm under age.
626. And not invited.
627. I will not boo or heckle the Galliards... Even if they can't sing very well. Must not tell the cubs to do this.
628. The Ahrouns will not protect me from any Galliards I piss off as a result of my heckling. I must not test this.
629. I have no excuse for not doing my share of the work around the caern.
630. The cubs are not my lackeys. I must not tell them to do anything for me that I can do for myself.
631. Not allowed to have hand powered drills.
632. Not allowed to draw moustaches on pictures of other sept members. Especially the elders. Must not tell the cubs to do this.
633. I will not ask the Ratkin if they're pondering what I'm pondering. I will not tell the cubs that it is fun to do this.
634. I am not allowed to ask the Mokolé if the Camazotz wore camp purple capes and fought clowns
635. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Beebop from the turtles was a Grondr
636. Or a Skull Pig.
637. Nor am I allowed to tell them that there is a tribe of penguin shifters and that they carry fetish umbrellas.
638. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Selina Kyle is a Bastet.
639. I am not allowed to tell the cubs anything about the Fera.
640. I am not allowed to tell the Fera about the cubs.
641. I am not allowed to talk to the Fera.
642. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Wolverine is a Gangrel.
643. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Martin Luther King was a Brujah.
644. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Bill Gates is a Ventrue. Even if he is.
645. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Harry Potter is a Tremere.
646. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Hannibal Lector is a Malkavian
647. I am not allowed to know the names of the vampire clans.
648. I am not allowed to tell the Fianna cubs that Tufty was a Pooka
649. I am not allowed to mention any Awakened creatures to the cubs.
650. I am to talk not in Yoda like manner.
651. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that upon reaching the rank of elder they will be able to use the force.
652. I am not allowed to take the Kinfolk kids to O'Tolleys for their birthday.
653. Or Christmas.
654. I am not allowed to take the Kinfolk kids anywhere ever.
655. l not spit off the moon bridge in an effort to hit "Traffic"
656. l not pee off the moon bridge.
657. Or ANY bridge
658. I will no approach near the edge of any bridge.
659. I will not moon a Lune.
660. If I do moon a Lune, I will certainly not make my butt talk like "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective", and give the Lune orders.
661. I will not moon Phoebe.
662. I will not make my butt talk to Phoebe, use it to call her a 'pimply, craterous slut' and try to get her to give up 'My rightful Territory'
663. I attempt to get out of trouble caused by my ass by claiming 'it has a mind of its own.' My ass is not sentient
664. No one else has a sentient ass, I will not test this.
665. Barney the Dinosaur is not a purple Mokolé and it is wrong to tell the cubs otherwise.
666. I am not the Anti-Christ. No matter how badly I behave. Must not tell the cubs that I am.
667. No longer allowed to drop pants for anything other than crapping.
668. No longer allowed to drop pants. Period.
669. Savage Genitalia is nothing to aspire to.
670. I am not allowed to belch the silver record.
671. I am not allowed to make up my own stories and say they are part of the Record.
672. I will not tell young Galliards that the Silver Record is something they can earn when they sell enough albums.
673. Not allowed to tell Hunters all I know about Garou Nation.
674. Nor the other Fera.
675. Even if I tell lies.
676. No longer allowed on
677. Especially if their "Totems" made you do it.
678. Not allowed to sing "Insane in the Membrane" around Silver Fangs.
679. Even if they are.
680. Especially if they are.
681. I am to kill Black Spiral Ragabash's, not challenge them to a game of Pokémon.
682. I must not take marshmallows along on the ‘rescue the Kitsune from the vampires’ mission.
683. Trick Shot does not make me James Bond.
684. Nor does it make me Austin Powers.
685. The Glass Walker Theurge is not Q.
687. Not even if he makes me a laser watch.
688. And he does not have rockets that I can fire from the boot of my BMW.
689. I do not have a BMW. Nor am I allowed to steal one.
689. I am not allowed to drive.
690. I will not sing 'Ding-Dong, the Witch is dead' when the Black Fury elder dies.
691. Even if a house fell on her.
692. Or if I'd seen her leading their desturbing rites.
693. I will not leak the secrets of Black Fury rites to the Corax.
694. I will not refure to the dead Black Fury elder's fetish shoes as 'The Ruby Slippers'
695. I will not cackle in conversations about the dead Black Fury Elder.
696. I will not refer to the female Uktena Theurge as 'the good witch'
697. Even if she dropped the house on the Black Fury elder.
698. I will not call the black fury elder's sister 'the wicked witch of the West'
699. Even if she's from Texas.
700. Or if she wants her sister's ruby slippers back- I mean the Fetish shoes.
701. 'Cause I found them first, and the Bitch can't have 'em!
702. I will not refure to the short Metis as 'Toto'
703. It is inappropriate to frolic and skip into combat.
704. A white and light-blue dress is not appropriate clothing to wear to a moot.
705. I will not refure to the inbred Silver Fang as 'the cowardly lion'.
706. I will not call the kinfolk Son of Ether as 'the Wizard of Oz'
707. I will not splash water on the Black Fury Elder's sister in an attempt to get her to melt.
708. I will not lace the water with acid.
709. When given boring chores around the caern, I will not click my fetish shoes together and say 'there's no place like home, there's no place like home...'
710. Even if the shoe's power is to take me to Kansas.
711. I'm no longer allowed to watch 'The wizard of Oz' or make references to it.
712. Just because their is a Gaian totem called the American Dream does not mean there is a Wyrm totem called the Red Menace.
713. I will not sing dirty songs and say they are from the "Silver 8-Track"
714. I will not sing ‘I Will Survive’ in the presence of Rokea.
715. I will not ask Uktena, "What have I got in my pocket?"
716. I will not run up and hug random strangers on the street, proclaiming, "I LOVE YOU, OLD MAN MANYSKINS!!!!"
717. If and when I violate the "running and hugging" rule, I must not be in Crinos form.
718. I will not walk the Spiral while doing the Safety Dance.
719. I will not attempt to call a thunderwyrm and ride it.
720. I will not rejoice at Wyrmsign, it is never good.
721. I am not the God-Emperor of anything, and I will not tell the cubs that I am.
722. My name is not a killing word.
723. I will not teach Red Talon cubs that the Litany starts with "You do not know pain, you do not know fear, you will taste Man Flesh!"
724. I will not tell young Ratkin that yelling out "Rattrap Maximize!" with a Brooklyn accent speeds up shifting forms.
725. I will not use Cateyes to make my eyes glow and run around the caern saying I have been saturated with Spice.
726. Bart Simpson is not my personal totem.
Bart Simpson is not my personal totem.
Bart Simpson is not my personal totem.
Bart Simpson is not my personal totem.
727. I will not push my car to the caern so I can use Open Seal on it if I lock my keys in the car...nor will I do this to other people's cars.
728. Yoda not my totem is.
729. My totem is not the Easter Bunny.
730. Grenades are not Easter eggs, and I should not hide them.
731. I am no longer allowed to wear bunny ears while in Crinos and hop around the caern giving people Easter Eggs.
732. Easter is not when Jesus comes back to life as a bunny with eggs, and I should not tell the lupus cubs this.

If you have any more additions to the list, either post them in the forums or email me: sa_kwi at yahoo dot com dot au

White Wolf Humour

Last updated 19th February, 2004.