30 Rock

Long time, no recap, my fellow 30 Rockers! Been on vacay and then in L.A. for our Sexiest Stars party. I reconnected there with Jack McBreyer, one of my very first 30 Rock interviews (and vice versa). Such a nice guy. His answer to the evening's "round-up" question, What do you find sexy? "Kobe beef sliders."

Now on with the show! And what a show it was. The Rock has been a bit hit-and-miss since the strike, but this was a helluva season-ender, I thought. And why? All together now: It had heart. Beneath all the outrageousness, absurdity and guest-casting, it had heart, as Liz was first freaked by — and then enchanted by — the prospect of motherhood. Who else felt a tiny pang when Liz's messages to Jack played, the last one suggesting her pregnancy was not to be? Amazingly, 30 Rock softened that blow by blaming it all on the Sabor De Soledad chips and the evaporated bull semen that gives them that "tangy flavor."

Bullet Batch No. 1:

• Jack talking about partaking in "the war on the poor."
• "It's a time for my freedom search."
• Liz touting Sabor De Soledad: "I found a prize the other day - I think."
• Tracy's MMRPG: "Goregasm: The Legend of Dongslayer."
• "You having your woman times?"
• Frantic Liz checking into said woman times: "Why don't I cross off days like people in the movies?!"
• Pete reflecting on his failed bid to be an Olympic archer, if not for Jimmy Carter and his silly boycott. "Saboteur!"

Then there was Jack's odyssey into the heart (or at least spleen) of the Bush administration. As I said in my vodcast, Matthew Broderick belongs among the ranks of 30 Rock's best guests, fashioning Cooter as the most insecure, pandering and in-denial government types we can imagine (and/or hope do not really exist). "The ceiling is not leaking. I can show you a study." And then, the tragedy of the pen caps delivery. Blerg!

Bullet Batch No. 2:

• Cooter welcoming Jack: "The media is so obsessed with the pending election they totally forgot we're here. Exciting times!"
• "No, it's not [leaking]. We've looked into it and it's not."
• I love how Geiss' daughter never says a word. (What was in her mouth?!)
• Jenna, soft porn videogame vixen: "Touch my feet with your knees!" And Frank giving a "thumbs up" to Jenna's climactic sounds.
• Jack's "We need pens" speech.
• The only Chinese Jenna knows: "I was told there would be no nudity."
• Jenna's immediate reaction to the office pregnancy news: "Oh no - someone's going to get more attention than me."
• "The head of GE serves this country.... He brings good things to light." Cue: Candle under lampshade.
• "People always underestimated my intelligence because of my looks."
• Dennis' knowing look to the camera when Liz asks for "light bulb" help.
• The revelation that Jenna once had a three-way with Roseanne and Tom Arnold, but it's OK because "That was two years ago!" Umm....

Speaking of Jack's odyssey, Kenneth's own journey for these fab 22 minutes was to get in his bid to be an Olympics page, despite the hurdles (no, literally) thrown in his way by arch-rival Donnie. Jenna's song, another 30 Rock classic. "So brave, so ready, to be all that you can do...." Be all you can do ?

Bullet Batch No. 3:

• The story behind Cooter's first and last nicknames — and it wasn't even a hamburger.
• Dennis playing back Liz's OBGYN message: "Every one of my sister's got that message back in high school."
• Dennis' wont to name the kid Morpheus (a la The Matrix) or Julie, to honor a girl he once banged.
• Jenna's song coda, illustrating her philosophy of the backdoor compliment: "So beautiful... in every way.... I see myself in you." i
• Jack deeming the Gay Bomb "a guaranteed disaster - like eating a burrito before sex."
• Frank's "Additional Filth By" credit.
• Jack putting the pressure on C.C.: "I did certain things in bed for you that you were going to reciprocate, but then we broke up before my birthday. So you owe me."
• "No crying in my bath tonight!"
• Liz jazzed to convert her "laundry and newspaper pile" into a nursery.
• Mexican women eating Sabor De Soledad chips "to stop their periods before Cinco de Mayo."
• "I can't go to a sperm bank. The Duffy men use those like ATMs."

All of which leads us to not one, not two, but like two-and-a-half cliffhangers!

Will Liz adopt?

Is Jack now gay bones for Cooter?

Will Kenneth be assassinated by a Beijing terrorist?

Didn't see that last one coming!

See y'all back here in the fall, gang!

Read Cheers & Jeers' own take on the 30 Rock finale.

Hey guys, Matt's off being sexy at our Sexy Stars party, so I'm (Erin Fox) filling in this week.

Poor, poor Jack! He's coming apart at the seams! Geiss' crazy mute daughter has filled his office with unicorns, stuffed animals and pictures of Mark Wahlberg, and Jack's been sent down to the lowly, and netherworld creepy "12th floor." He spends most of the episode in Geiss' hospital room reading him economics books or screaming at him (even whacking him in the junk) to wake up. But nothing works, and it looks like Jack might actually lose it.

Back on the Lemon front: She's freaked because Floyd called to see if he could crash at her place. (What does that mean? How weird will it be between them? Who was that bitch that answered his phone eight months ago!?) Ha! Good stuff. When Liz acts super-crazy around Floyd, he lies and says he can catch a flight back to Cleveland. However, she finds him outside eating an ice cream cone and they have a big blow out. Blurg! Is this the end of Floyd and Liz? Nah, in the end, Liz realizes she's crazy and makes up with Floyd.

And the minor story of the episode was probably the funniest: The teamsters bring in Italian sandwiches from a secret location once a year, and therefore control the office for a day. The sandwiches are so coveted, that when Liz doesn't eat her sammy right away, Frank, Tracy and Lutz attack it. Apparently, no sandwich makes Liz very angry — and you don't want to see her angry. So, the writers have to win a drinking contest against the teamsters in order to secure Liz a new sandwich. I love teamsters. I love teamster jokes. If you work with them, you know the power they yield!

Bullet time!

• Jack: (Trying to wake up Geiss) "Hillary Clinton is president! (When he doesn’t respond...) Nothing? I thought I would just scare you out of it."

• Liz on her treadmill, clearly eating a McDonald's caramel sundae.

• Jenna: "No, that's Air Bike. They also have in-flight pornos and NBC news. Jet Fun is the one that hands out fresh popcorn."

• Liz: "I want to be top dog for once instead of just... dog."

• Liz: "For once I'm not going to be Jan Brady; I'm going to be Marcia! (A mini-football hits her in the nose) Ow! My nose!"

• Jack: "I've been sleeping with the Cindy Crawford of corporations for the last 22 years, what am I supposed to do now? Lie down with some skank like 3M?"

• Jack: "[Work for] Bush? Has it gotten that bad? Good God, I'd rather work for an American car company than jump on that sinking ship."

• Jonathan's fan collage of Jack, and singing Sarah McLaughlin's "I Will Remember You," as Jack left his office.

• Liz looking smoking hot and saying, "I'm pretty tired from playing as hard as I work."

• Floyd: "Can I take you to dinner tonight? Maybe that barbeque place you puked at?" Liz: "You'll have to be more specific (insert maniacal laughter)."

• Kenneth: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for a good man to stand by and do nothing." Tracy: "Please ask my permission before you quote me, Kenneth."

• Liz: "I don't know how, but you're gonna get me another sandwich... or I'm gonna cut your face up so bad, you'll have a chin. You'll all have chins!"

• Eye-patch receptionist lady on the 12th floor.

• Liz's college flashback outfit

• Jack: "I even stopped to catch a snowflake on my tongue, but evidently that's some sort of signal in Chelsea."

• Brian Dennehey as the lead teamster trying to make Lutz and Frank kiss.

• Jenna: "A drinking contest? What am I 12, and at my boyfriend's frat party?"

• Tracy: "I can't drink... I still got my Hollywood sock on (pointing to his alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet)."

• Jenna: "No one is drinking against the teamsters but me? I'll do it! But only for the attention."

• Liz: (Re: Floyd lying to get away from her) Your cell phone was dead! You faked that e-mail! (Gasping in horror) Peter Venkman is from Ghostbusters. You used Ghostbusters for evil!

• Kenneth: "Alcohol? It smells just like 'Hill People Milk.' I've been drinking this since I was a baby."

• Liz shoving her whole sandwich in her mouth at airport security.

• Jack being named homeland security's director of crisis and weather management.

• Did the airport announcer guy say 'Flight 31 to Montreal is now Blurg?' That's what I thought I heard. That would be awesome.

Use our Online Video Guide to watch episodes of 30 Rock.

Hey guys! Matt's on a very well-deserved vacation with his family, so I'm (Erin Fox) filling in this week. I'm a huge 30 Rock fan and hope I fulfill all your recap expectations.

The episode, I think, was funnier upon second viewing this morning. I had written down a ton of one-liners before the 11-minute mark.

Basically, the episode had two main stories: 1) Don Geiss chose Jack to be his successor (finally!) over Devon Banks (Will Arnett) who is marrying his fiftysomething, mute, asexual daughter. 2) Tracy's son is too embarassed to ask him to "Take Your Dad to School Day," so he decides to leave him a proper legacy: A video game about porn.

Arnett is hilarious as Jack's nemesis once again. And Liz, sporting a Flock of Seagulls "corporate" hairdo to match her new gig (courtesy of Jack), abandons her staff to support Jack as the new CEO. However, before he can be officially named, Geiss falls into a diabetic coma, and Banks gets Geiss' daughter named as CEO instead. Well played, Banks. Well played.

Bullet time!

• "I'd have my assistant sit on his naughty stool if he didn't enjoy it so much."

• Geiss has diabetes and can't believe his baby girl is getting married. Cut to the florist shop where Banks (Will Arnet) stares down a hot guy and says, "Fire Island, really? I'd love to come out... fight the surf together, light a fire, check each other for ticks." Kathy Geiss is in the background and eats one of the flowers. Ha!

• Jack: "The head of the stress ball division hanged himself."

• Jack bursts into tears, "Oh happy day!" Don: "You get one cry in life, you've chosen well!"

• Jack: "When will this be made public sir? I want my mother to find out before she dies so she can go to her grave a defeated woman."

• Liz: (to Frank) "Idiot, with your stupid face! You look like Gene Simmons had sex with a basset hound!"

• Frank: "First of all, the subject of the email was 'Check this out' ...you expect me not to click on that?"

• Tracy: "Tracy Jr. left his music stick at home." Grizz: ("That's) His flute."

• Kenneth: "Everyone knows the only thing we should be ashamed of is our bodies."

• Tracy: "I have to do something important so that my children will respect me... like become a senator or a wizard." Grizz: "Or, you can open a school in Africa like Oprah did." Tracy: "Everybody calm down!!!"

• Liz (eating Cheetos and reading about Gorillas in the jungle... her dream job): "Oh Jack, I was just reading about Gorilla researchers for a sketch we're doing making fun of them... for devoting their lives to the jungle and its noble inhabitants."

• Jack: "Hugging... so ethnic."

• Jack: "Geiss has stacked the board of directors with the most reliable collection of sychophantic yes-men this side of an Al Franken book signing: His golf cronies, his army buddies, a collection of unemployable family members and his hunting dogs (two chocolate labs)."

• Jack: "Why do I smell self tanning cream and teeth whitener? (Enter Arnett) Banks!"

• Jack: "Devon... once they cast Clay Aiken in Spamalot, I knew it was only a matter of time before you showed up here."

• (Re: Creating porn video game)Frank: "The world's greatest perverts have tried: Walt Disney, Larry Flynt, the Japanese... it can't be done."

• Banks: "That was so easy. Like taking candy from one of those guys who hands out candy at a gay night club."

• Liz attacks Banks with her tongue to capture it on the security camera... so it looks like he's cheating on Kathy.

• The animation chart

• Tracy: "I was born to design a video game with characters getting with each other for points. My genius will not be denied. I'm like Mozart. you're that guy that was always jealous of Mozart!"

• Cue the classical music; a spoof of Amadeus.

• Liz: "To get through it (licking Banks), I pretended he was a sandwich."

• Jack: "Business drunk... it's like rich drunk, either way it's legal to drive."

• Tracy: "My genius has come alive! I see erotica in everything... the cup, this table... even you, Kenneth!" Kenneth: "Well, I am wearing a cuffed trouser today."

• Liz: "(Banks is) like me yesterday, I hate him. Jack: I kind of feel sorry for him... Liz: Got your period?" (She hands Jack a tampon and he puts it in his jacket pocket).

• Liz: "Blurg!"

• Banks: "Go ahead, rub it in my face." Jack: "Normally I'd say, 'I bet you'd like that', but today I won't."

• Dr. (Chris parnell) comes in slow motion wearing a cape to music.

• Banks convinces the board to hire Kathy Geiss as CEO

What was your favorite line/moment?

Use our Online Video Guide to watch full episodes of 30 Rock.

Now wasn't that a proper 30 Rock ? I just rewatched it for recapping purposes, and it was filled not with just great laughs, but also some heart. Damn the roller coaster that is the crazy Dennis-and-Liz on-again/off-again thing! Poor Liz, she wants "easy" romance where she doesn't have to shave or bathe, yet took a while to realize that's as bad for her as the Sabor De Soledad (translation: "the flavor of loneliness") off-brand Cheetos she was stuffing her face with all episode.

This week also had some really solid and entertaining B stories, with Jack wooing Tracy to be the (black) celebrity face of the Republican Party and Tim Conway's "Bucky Bright" regaling/utterly frightening Kenneth with stories from TV's good ol' days.

I think that between Bucky, Dennis and Jack, most every race, religion and sexuality found something to be affronted by in this episode.

OK, now I say "Bullets," you say, "Hero!":

• The Committee to Re-invade Vietnam
• "Food Network doesn't have a news show."
• Dennis interrupting his own press conference with Mayor Bloomberg to shout, "Stern rules! Baba Booey!" What an idiot.
• Jack explaining that Dennis' To Catch a Predator thing "was one big misunderstanding — like the Giuliani campaign."
• "We're like Ross and Rachel, but just not gay."
• "She told me her last boyfriend was Asian, and that crap doesn't start until college ."
• Bucky being a big TV star in "the '40s, '50s and the fall of 1972."
• Kenneth exclaiming, "Son of a married couple!"
• Kenneth's voting strategy: "Choosing is a sin so I just write in the Lord's name" — and Jack then saying, "That's Republican. We count those."
• Bucky's first "wrong turn," detailing the "inside monogrammed pocket for your opium pipe and switchblade."
• "Me and it, we're teaming up to fight illiteracy!"
• Dot Com expounding upon how "today's Republican party would be unrecognizable to Lincoln."

Intermission.

OK, some more:

• "We used to call this the Jew room."
• Bucky's interrupted description of what a "sandwich girl" was.
• Liz making the newspaper... As Sally Field.
• Bucky on the giant lesbian he met in the halls of NBC: "Who is Conan O'Brien and why is she so sad?"
• Dead Tracy lamenting the many different kinds of buckets he didn't get to own.
• "I can't help McCain. He's a Navy man, and I almost joined the Marines once."
• "My cologne is distilled from the bilge water of Rupert Murdoch's yacht."
• Jenna explaining that "Love is hiding who you are at all times" by "going downstairs to the Burger King to poop... and hiding alcohol in perfume bottles."
• Dennis boasting, "A stripper offered to give me a squeezer last night. A white stripper."
• Hero bird "Winston dialed 911 and said 'fire,' but only because he didn't know word for rape."
• Dennis claiming that the firefighter exam is "totally biased against the Irish."

And last but not least, Liz saying, "If reality TV has taught anything it's that you can't keep people with no shame down."

When is the new season of "MILF Island," anyway?

Well, 30 Rock is back, and as glorious as that is in and of itself, I'd be lying if I said this was a super-great episode. Yes, "MILF Island" and the many (and well-deserved) digs at reality television was pretty damn funny, but outside of that, Liz simply seemed to not be herself. Ausiello and I have been talking about it all week, and she was just too duplicitous. I mean, when she called Kenneth an "apple-faced buffoon," my heart sank, so did his, and I suspect even Jack McBrayer's did, too.

I'd much rather have had it turn out — and this was my theory when I first read the breakdown for the episode — that Liz purposely leaked the story for some brilliant reason, a la to earn Jack sympathy from his peers or something. And the Pete subplot, having watched it a second time? I still have no idea what it was about. Even the telephone part was a looooong trip to find out the store was closed.

I did like, though — and thought they should have done a lot more with — the "parallels" between the "MILF" events and the strategizing staff. When Frank first talked of an alliance, I thought we were heading somewhere. And then Tracy with the banana. But then... nothing. (And how do you crank up the heat in the office without having Cerie gradually strip down and thus taunt the men?)

Back to "MILF" — did you pay attention to the footage in the background of some scenes? With the kids riding on the moms' backs, in slo-mo? Loved it.

The bullets:

• "Who will be the final mommy you'd like to... you know...?"
• "Twenty MILFs, 50 8th-grade boys, no rules."
• Um, why would a Page Six story just be getting discovered... at night?
• Deborah and Debra squaring off in Erection Cove.
• Confessional showers!
• Jack touting "MILF"'s combo of "sex, lies, puberty, betrayal, relay races...."
• Liz: "What we do is art." And cut to the farting robot sketch.
• Jack, the most Googled "Class A Moron": "Step aside, Randy Quaid."
• "Heidi.... We no longer want to hit that."
• Kenneth listing for Liz the reasons why Twofer and Frank didn't blab to Page Six. Namely: "Also, I saw you do it."
• Was Kenneth hiding behind an American Gladiator cutout?!
• I'm counting the hours until a stutterers' organization slams the classification of young Jack as a "class A moron."
• Lutz: "I'm not a dirt bag. This is from American Eagle!"
• "One of my implants imploded and I didn't even ask to get off the catapult."
• The "MILF" winner will be revealed "...after three more breaks!"

Next week's episode, I must rave, is awesome and loaded with guffaws, rewind-worthy moments and more. See you then!

I'm torn. Lord knows, Kenneth's party was a defining 30 Rock moment, and one of the funniest TV moments of the season. But that "Midnight Train to Georgia" number at the end of tonight's episode…. Wow. So out of nowhere and so fun, starting off with Tracy, Grizz and Dotcom, and then Jenna and her blousy Broadway belting interrupting. That would have been sufficient. But then Jack and Liz – and C.C. in the televised C-SPAN footage – joined in. And that, too, would have been sufficient. But for a final kicker, Kenneth returns because, it turns out, the midnight train actually leaves at 11:45, and no one told him.

I love this show, and I'm really going to miss it now that we have seen the final new episode in inventory.

Am I sad that Jack and C.C. are over? Not so much. Yes, it was great having Edie Falco on the show, but that story/pairing always fell short for me. The match-up in comic sensibilities was just too…mature? I dunno.

Kenneth's "addiction" to caffeine had some funny, "Go Ask Alice" moments, especially when he recounted the things he swore not to do upon moving to the big city. Interesting choice to have Tracy talk of how coffee, not like alcohol, is pretty addictive. Is 30 Rock part of Tracy Morgan's steps?

Liz and the apartment buy…. I'm debating whether it was funnier before or after it become an obvious metaphor for dating, with the breakup, unreturned calls, drunk-dialing, awkward run-in with the "ex" after….

The bullets, perhaps the (sniff) final salvo of the season:

• Liz high-fiving herself over her "huge do do" joke
• Jack, in Congress, making a date with C.C. to see Fred Claus
• The star named after Liz being downgraded to a "gas giant"
• Jack saying that if Liz waits to marry before buying property, "Your home will be in the floating city of New Chicago"
• Jenna's porn-sire recommendation: "By women, for women"
• Jenna buying property in the Ninth Ward and then "leasing it back to the government for a prison."
• "Our forefathers never intended for the poor to live into their 40s."
• Jack on balancing life, work and love: "I honestly don’t know how Kelly Ripa does it."
• Kenneth on his hate for hot fluids: "That's the devil's temperature"
• "That’s why my wife and I stopped using a safe word."
• "God, I wish this town wasn't halfway between D.C. and New York."
• Grey's' oldest intern Norman heading Liz's co-op board
• Liz barely comprehending the rapid German: "Return Germany… Tell… The time… (Hubcap)?"
• "Strange that we didn’t get any ham."
• The Werner Herzog narration of the Windermere ads and such
• "You rode the brown serpent!"
• Bitter Liz calling the co-op board: "I bought a whole bunch of apartments… including a black one."
• Jack's "Hockassin Is for Lovers" souvenir photo
• C.C. missing the vote to legalize recreational whale torture
• Gladys Knight having her nap interrupted: "What's going on out here?!"

Come back… whenever… 30 Rock!

* A reliable source tells me that 30 Rock ceased writing titles for the individual episodes once the strike hit. Ha!

Just a reminder, because I know it feels like everything is repeats these days. But no, tonight we get a brand-new episode of 30 Rock. The bad news: it's the last brand-new episode to be had. The well has officially run dry. So gobble it up and check back here Friday morning to revisit its riotous moments!

In the meantime, did I ever tell you that for our new offices, we had to pick a Favorite TV Show to be featured on our nameplates...?

One more PS. Check out TV Guide's great Q&A with Tracy Morgan.

Is that really the episode title? "Episode 209"? No cutesy trite Christmassy pun? Love it!

Christmas episodes are so hard to do. So much territory has been covered countless, countless times, on dramas, comedies, contemporary TV and classic. It's hard to make a "true meaning of Christmas" story seem fresh. That's why this week's Kenneth/No LudaChristmas bit was a bit lame, in my opinion. The slight saving grace was the art-imitates-life fact that Tracy had on an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet. But even they seemed unsure of just what to do with that.

The A story fared a bit better, juxtaposing Jack's mean, coarse mother (Elaine Stritch) with Liz's folksy, affectionate (and, in the case of Mitch, temporally displaced) clan. Mama D chipped and pecked away at the Lemons, determined that she could expose them for the dysfunctional brood that every family is. To think that all it took was a slipped Goonies reference!

Sigh. I think we have just one fresh episode left before the strike strikes 30 Rock from our screens. Nooooo! At least we can take solace in today's Golden Globes noms for Tina, Alec and the gang. This is, on average, the outright funniest show on television, so every kudos is thoroughly deserved!

And now, the bullets:
• The photo scanner/paper shredder and its two "PS" modes.
• Cerie fondly recalling Frank's Horny Santa "act."
• Liz: "We're going to that restaurant where they pretend it's Mars." I've been there, with visiting out-of-town relatives, and it... is... awful!!
• "I invite her out of my paralyzing Irish guilt."
• Jack's mom to Liz: "My thanks to the peanut gallery."
• Jenna: "It should be mentioned that sexually, Mitch is very much an adult" — and Liz admonishing, "No, it shouldn't!"
• "Fancy suits. How was court?"
• "Is this the best employee you ever had?" Jack: "No."
• Jack waving Mom's pastries under the sickly stripper.
• Proud writer Liz in front of the "Who Farted?" TGS set.
• Kenneth being "pretty addicted to Coke" during his " Wall Street days."
• Jenna testing the room for acoustics by singing, "Open-pit barbecue sauce...."
• "People don't watch Letterman for Paul Shaffer." No truer words.
• I'm not big on bangs, but dayum if Cerie's aren't h-o-t.
• Jack: "In his mind Reagan is still president?" To Mitch: "You lucky bastard."
• "The Disney cruise in March — are you in or out?"
• "Mother, there are terrorist cells more nurturing than you are."
• Liz at Saturdaze: "I am going to have the fried-onion tower for two — for one."
• The Sheinhardt wig sign atop the Rock Center tree.
• The Guatemalan kids beating on their PSPSes — ha!
• Enlightened Mitch sipping at a cocktail: "I could have been drinking these for years!"

PS. Check out this Hollywood Reporter article about the 30 Rock/AMEX ads.

Check out 30 Rock clips using our Online Video Guide.

Pretty good episode, if a bit uneven. I realize that Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey are the bread-and-butter here, but I actually think that the occasional B story could deserve greater play. Take Jenna and her entourage. That offered so much promise and opportunity for parodying Tracy, Grizz and Dotcom, but instead it felt shoehorned into two scenes. Even Tracy accepting his Pacific Rim Emmy, you may have felt like the faux satellite broadcast would be the big payoff for the story, but instead it pretty much just served as a reason to "shark" Jenna. (Did you catch how she was briefly proud to hear the janitor said her boobs looked good?)

As for Jack and C.C., I think I may enjoy this arc more going forward now that they are "out." Edie Falco's C.C. was always so uptight and nervous that, from where I sat, it undermined the comedy of the situations. Maybe now she will "let loose" some more, a la "Take off your pantsuit"/"Right back at ya."

Frank and Twofer's feud was, visually, almost disturbing — and I loved it! Was Twofer padded or something? He didn't seem as wispy as when he's in his Harvard tweed and argyle.

But perhaps the moist unexpected treat this week was guest star James Carville, who's presence as confidant to Jack not only made sense, but Carville also had a lot of fun lampooning himself "Cajun style" and all. And look at how well his advice for Frank and Twofer worked! "Doc-tor Hair-cut!"

The bullets:
• Jack passing off C.C. as "Lakisha Gutierrez Arafat."
• "I call the movie Risky Business "Risky It" because "it" means "business."
• Liz's rape-whistle necklace — minus the whistle.
• The 30 Rock/Amex commercial with Pete looking forward to a "gentleman's lunch" (complete with Mulholland Drive lesbian scene), only to have Kenneth bring his kids for a visit.
• "I got a squeezer from an Indian girl on a bunk bed, so I think I got the full Harvard experience."
• "That word [lovers] bums me out unless it's between 'meat' and 'pizza.'"
• "This company has a very strict bros before hos policy."
• Jack inviting Liz to dinner with him and C.C.: "Try not to dress like a small-town lesbian."
• Jenna's "award" for Best Actress in a Movie Based on a Musical Based on a Movie. (Anyone else suspect right away that her award was faked by Liz, too?) • Tracy's animated alter ego to Shaq's: "Would you call what we did last night 'sex'?"
• Tracy's "World's #4 Dad" coffee mug • "Samurai I-amurai"
• "I have to arrange for a snake nanny."
• Kenneth's dinner conversation with Liz: "What's your favorite pizza topping? Mine's plain, but I like others."
• Tracy giving props to Shelly Long • Jenna and her dressing-room squirrel: "It's not afraid of people!"
• C.C. disguised as Mr. Sputinelli, the plumber.
• Jack on the $5 million-per-orange kid settlement: "That's NBA sexual assault money."
• C.C. lamenting, "We were going to go on Oprah !"
• "I like seeing a woman have ambition. It's like seeing a dog wear clothes." Ouch!
• Jenna's swishy and swishier entourage, and Patrice's repeated "Pick your face off the floor" burns.
• Jack calling Carville, to Carville's face, "a pinko nut job."
• Jenna: "Wake me up if Andy Dick calls." (Words probably never actually uttered by anyone ever in real life.) • The executive dining room diners following Jack's lead and one by one making their own "liberal" confessions, including, "I'm black."

One last word about those 30 Rock/Amex spots: Say what you will about selling out and product placement, but I have few qualms about getting closer to 30 solid minutes of 30 Rock goodness!

You know, a week without a new episode doesn't seem that bad until that new one comes along and you find yourself giggling, chuckling and LOLing like a fool. This week's 30 Rock had so many fun lines, my bullets may runneth a bit over — and I left out at least 15 percent of them!

Now it has been revealed: As edited out of my recent Q&A with Judah Friedlander, Frank went gay for an episode. I am not quite sure why NBC was so adamant that that not get out — it's not as if he actually had sex — but I played nice. I hope no one missed the little coda at the end, with Frank dancing at the gay club, but ultimately deciding it wasn't his thing. A flamboyant fella then shouts good-bye to "Sugar Bear," only to get scolded by a peer for making 'em look bad.

The "cougars" storyline was a lot of fun, because Liz is best when Liz is feeling awkward. Her lame attempts at hipster lingo ("gellin' like Magellan"), the references Jamie couldn't get, the subplot with Jenna and Aidan ("Stop repeating what I say!").... It all led up to a moment I forgot had been spoiled for me somewhere, as Liz meets her boy toy's very Lemony mother. Glurg.

Call me dense and/or politically ignorant, but it took me about half the episode to realize the Little League team story was a big metaphor for Iraq. (Thank you, I finally "got it" when the "Fun Times Accomplished" banner unfurled.) That Knuckle Beach must be one tough 'hood! Where orange soda is an acceptable substitute for breast milk?!

One final note: Last time, there were the blatant shouts-out to Verizon Wireless, which I informed you were in fact paid product integration or whatever. This week we had the "advertorial" within the first pod of commercials, where a bit with Kenneth sharing homemade bacon-mint gum with the writers segued into an Amex spot. The best part: Frank's hat said "KOMIRSHUL."

And now, the bullets:
• Jenna inviting Liz out: "Legally separated sound guy is going to be there!"
• Tracy about the animal strip club: "Animal customers? That's ridiculous."
• Jack predicting Liz's evening featuring "a meatball sub with extra bread, a bottle of NyQuil, TiVo'd Top Chef, a little Bonnie Raitt and lights out" and then spoiling Top Chef for her. ( Did Casey get booted?) • "Dijonaise is a boy's name? Pardon me."
• Jack's story about his own Little League team back in Boston... And cutting it short when he realized his audience.
• "I'm going to be a talkative doorman with a drinking problem." Shoot for the stars!
• "Who ordered the veal?"
• Jefferson Davis Park
• Jack founding a charity which gives tuxedos to homeless people • Frank smelling his hand after touching Jamie • Jamie making plans with Liz for 10. "At night?!"
• You can't be gay for one person — unless you're a lady and you meet Ellen."
• Jenna's "No sex with Asians" rule flying out the window upon seeing Quan at Sharper Image • Kenneth has a dream journal — "and they've all come true so far"
• "I'm 37. Please don't make me go to Brooklyn."
• "This just went from a senior dating a freshman to Mary Kay Letourneau...."
• Jamie; "They just changed bartenders. I'm going to see if this guy will serve me."
• "Where did you two meet? An amber alert?"
• Kenneth not understanding the kids chant to "Kill whitey." "I'm not alcohol!"
• Insanely hot Cerie asking Liz about her being at a late-night hot spot: "Is it like that time they found my grandpa at the bus station?"
• "That's great, Maude. How's Harold?" (Someone has to give Lutz props.) • "It is ill."
• Jack's "off the market" slip, reminding us that he and C.C. Are still going strong.

This episode had a lot to live up to, with no less than Emmy-fave Edie Falco guesting as Jack's new lady love, CC, so it's not surprising that — in my opinion, at least — it fell juuuuuuust a bit short. It's almost as if the funniest parts of the Falco story were played by Kristin Wiig in the Lifetime movie based on that horrible, sad, and you would hope preventable accident involving a dog and misplaced hunting rifle. That said, that is a Lifetime movie I would watch (even though it involves neither a kidnapped nor sickly baby). "I... want to go into politics."

Here I must note that due to an inexplicable recording glitch, my "bullets" and quotes from last night's show may be a bit off and not verbatim. So rein in the snarky retorts, thanks! For good measure, I will remind you that I am paraphrasing by slapping an asterisk on paraphrased bits.

I actually think the "Liz suspects the neighbor is a terrorist" story played out rather well, though you had to suspect she would be off base. But I love how they turned out to be aspiring Amazing Race contestants and how Liz kept muttering, "No... No..." as she realized her hasty call. Keep in mind, though, that she was not being racist about those "pita pockets."

Kenneth's dares-for-dollars quest to replace Jack's $2,500 pants fell flat for me, with the best line amidst it all being about how maybe his uncle was right about his just being a bumpkin with nice hair and soft hands.*

The sometimes-paraphrased bullets:
• Tracy in the background of the three-way phone call rehearsing his Rerun dance
• Jack suggesting that the syrupy smell was northrax, and Liz then waiting out the 10 seconds to see if she dies
• The Sheinhardt Wig Company T-shirts: "Not Poisoning Rivers Since 1977" — but then how do you explain the orange kids?
• Liz repeatedly getting her hopes up about her prescription shampoo
• Nonracist Liz: "I asked that black guy if he saw Sideways."
• Jack admonishing the bartender, noting that a Nancy Drew ordered by a man is called a Hardy Boy. (Are those real drinks?!)
• Cute little "wow" moment: Alec Baldwin singing, "What the World Needs Now (Is Love Sweet Love)"
• Jack explaining to CC that he owns "a little Sheinhardt Wig Company subsidiary called NBC"
• This one I really mangled, but Jack reacting to CC's project in Harlem by saying, "God, I want to kiss you on the mouth to stop you from saying such silly things."

Lastly, yes, I have it on very good authority from a well-placed source at 30 Rock that — lest you had any doubt — the Verizon references and blatant pimping were part of an actual deal brokered by the marketing department. (Yet another way, perhaps, that studios are not making money to share?)

The party.

The party in and of itself has to be one of 30 Rock's finest and most manic moments. Let's just get that out of the way.

What I loved most about the party is that after allllll the setup, that with all of the rumored/supposed/absolutely fabricated guests, the brilliant writers of 30 Rock didn't event attempt to take us to the party in real time. There was no way it could live up to the promise. Nor did they just cut to Jack and his distressed hair and merely refer to the bash as being crazy. Rather, the way we only got fleeting, almost Lost-like flashbacks to the insane, bizarre, freaky and at times completely out-of-character shenanigans was genius. A veritable feast for comedy-lovers' eyes and, I would reckon, one of the most replayed-on-TiVo segments of the TV season. (I myself watched it at least four times at varying speeds.)

That said, nothing I can type here can begin to recap the party. So let me just evoke a few images, and then we'll move on with the rest of the recap:
• "Kiss me, Grizz!"
• Lutz eating Sonny Crocket's parakeet medication
• "Tool"
• Cerie cracking a bottle over one guy's head, and then clocking Jack
• "I would thank you to come pick up your wife at some point."
• "Harlem Globetrotter — does that name mean nothing to you?"
• Liz puking on the... Centaur?

We haven't even mentioned Greenzo yet! Props to David Schwimmer for throwing himself into this role, this rather unlikable lout. He started off just a humble out-of-work hack who, after a brief taste of Today show fame, grew into a self-important, egocentric hack. Oh, and a drunk.

What must it be like to act like a total ass in front of former vice president Al Gore? Schwimmer now knows. That's got to be peculiar. I think I saw Gore break once things turned crazy with the burning Earth and all.

Even the sub-sub-subplot with Pete, his wife and the unsettling things they were doing in Liz's apartment (and with toaster pastry)... Shudder.

I almost hate to stop revisiting this episode, but it's time for the bullets:
• Jenna's lipstick of choice — Tiger Orgasm
• Jenna positing that if men didn't dress up for women, "They'd just sit around in their own filth."
• Greenzo, the "first nonjudgmental business-friendly environmental advocate"
• "I just wish my mom were still alive... so I could rub it in her fat face."
• Kenneth's precious Halloween party, with "Wolf Bar Mitzvah" playing and the Harry Potter and Austin Powers costumes
• "If the world is not here, where is Greenzo going to dance?"
• Jared describing Greenzo's tone as "rye and wise but also very sexual."
• Jack scoffing at Liz's idea (joke) about cloning Don Geiss: "Think it through."
• Jack dissing Kenneth's party in favor of "Shubert and ironically viewing some Canadian pornography."
(Someone help me out — why ironically?)
• Poor Cerie. Releasing "just enough hydrocarbons to kill a penguin. This penguin."
• Oh, Cerie — and her four girl cousins from Holland. And Frank saying, "I'll die a thousand deaths before I fail you."
• Jack mistaking T.I. for a Texas Instruments mogul
• "Do you even bother to compost your own feces?"
• "What do you do with the Pop-Tart?!"
• Cerie's translated cousin: "I'm just horny to be in New York!"
• "I knew we should have gone with Angie Harmon."
• Jared to Jack re: "Merry" Vieira: "Dude, have you hit that?"
• Liz meeting Al Gore: "I'm Lemon."
• "I'm excited to see this trash-powered car of yours!"

Which brings us to the very end, where Gore brings the heavy wink to NBC's "Green Week" campaign going on this very week, serving as the celebrity delivering an impassioned speech about eco-awareness. And just as he gets going...

"A whale is in trouble. I have to go."

And so do I.

Are two Jack Donaghys better than one? Watch my Mitovich Mega-Minute vodcast for a bit of 30 Rock scoop.

I literally was in tears for the last five minutes. Definitely one of 30 Rock's best episodes ever. Without a doubt! My only grievance? We were robbed of an actual Page-off!

Carrie Fisher, who earlier this season guested on Weeds, is making quite the second career out of playing the outrageous, cussing rabble-rouser. I loved how her former Laugh-In writer gradually was revealed to be lost in time, out of touch with reality and, well, simply a bit demented. And then it all led up to that great, glorious wink to Star Wars fans: "Help me, Liz Lemon! You're my only hope!" God bless them for going there. (Which raises a question: Was Liz perhaps transferring her Star Wars fandom onto this woman who resembled Leia?)

The stories, though, that really got my waterworks going played elsewhere. It started with Jack doing a rather dead-on Redd Foxx (the closed captioning even said, "Imitates Redd Foxx") as he role-played Tracy's dad. Jack then trotted out a whole cast of characters, inlcuding a "Dyn-o-mite"-spouting Tracy, prompting the NBC therapist to protest, "I think we're just doing Good Times now." I was dying.

But then came the Page-off, complete with murmuring pages, bell-ringing and Jenna training Kenneth on his NBC trivia. (Did I miss "Supercomputer" during its 1975-to-1975 run?) Damn Pete for breaking it up! But to be fair, "There's no one seating the Conan audience." Can't have that!

The bullets:
• Liz reluctant to accept the Followship Award (honoring followers) until she hears it comes with 10 grand.
• "Adverlingus"?
• The "GE Microwavehead" skit
• Kenneth wailing, "Oh god, it hurts!!" as his jacket caught fire.
• Young Liz enjoying subversive Laugh-In : "It's funny 'cause it's true."
• Liz deeming Rosemary a heroine as in lady hero, not that "I want to inject you and listen to jazz."
• Tracy running into Jack's office re: his "Star-spangled Banner" rendition: "If you desecrate something, is that bad?"
• Dot-com: "This is Phil Spector's entourage all over again."
• "I built a dogfighting pit in my basement for this?"
• The idea of a 227 movie titled "New Jackιe City."
• Jack re: Rosemary: "Don't make me ever talk to a woman that old again."
• "I'm going to assume that's a Haldeman reference."
• Pensive Tracy: "This spotlight is the only place I could go to get away from it all."
• Rosemary's Little Chechnya neighborhood; the F-train roaring past her window (shades of Take the Money and Run)
• After role-playing, Jack noting that he had a Howard Cosell impression in his pocket.
• Liz wanting her job back via "proud begging, like those kids that dance on the subway."

OK, two for three isn't a bad start to a sophomore season. Whereas the first two episodes underscored 30 Rock 's good name, this one fell a bit flat for me. Jack's "big secret" about the cookie-jar collection/obsession — which I understand was supposed to be incongruous with his tough-guy personality — was simply silly. And the Steve Buscemi visit? Almost meaningless, giving a great character actor so little to do.

The B-story, wherein Jenna is aghast to realize that she is losing weight — and thus could lose her Enorme contract and offer to play Ms. Pac-Man in the Atari film — also was hit-or-miss, but ultimately won a thumbs-up from me for her getting turned on by Kenneth's rudeness. "She's the wrong kind of crazy, and now I think we have to get married."

Then you have Liz trying to co-baby-sit Tracy and manage his wife Angie. It's pretty hard to make the Tracys unfunny, but this bit perhaps showed us that yes, his wife does cramp his style. We like the Tracy who can indulge his need to get booby-slapped by a coked-up Russian.

And an overall observation of the season-to-date: Not enough of the other TGSers, Lonny and Frank. Twofer and director guy. I'm actually trying to line up a 30 Rock Q&A, but the lack of screen time for any of the above makes it hard to pull the trigger. (I may opt for "Cerie," though, for obvious reasons, heh heh.)

Sorry for the so-so take on the episode, gang, but we need to be honest and comment on the lows just as we (more frequently) celebrate the ultra-highs. Besides, it's just my opinion.

The bullets:
• "One day, sir, this whole city will be yours" — and then "Sanjay" getting upset by Liz's interruption.
• Liz picking "an eagle with the head of a bear" as the animal that best represents her boss.
• Jack taking a call from a fake phone to cut short Liz's therapist story.
• Angie's "ghetto-fabulous" ring... from Brooke Astor.
• Early-bird Tracy marveling that "the morning has food, TV... everything!"
• The Enorme tagline: "Make him chase the chunk."
• Jack's 1976 arrest at the Democratic convention, though it was just for "beating up hippies."
• Jack listing his kin's liabilities, including his brother Eddie "who sells faulty sprinkler systems to elementary schools."
• Jenna fretting, "I'm back to the factory-made [belt] notches!"
• Buscemi assessing Jack's cookie-jar obsession: "You wish it was a gay thing. It's worse!"
• Angie sniffing Tracy: "You smell like Enorme and brass polish."
• Angie scoffing at a Tracy-as-Obama sketch, saying, "We support [Ohio congressman Dennis] Kucinich."
• Kenneth's food airplane featuring an Indian passenger shot by an air marshal.
• One of the biggest chuckles: Kenneth struggling to walk and talk once Liz gets him "thinking about it."
• Flashback gag: Despondent Liz making a desperate play for... Jackie Mason?! Ewww.
• Jack dismissing the idea that the cookie-jar thing is about unresolved childhood issues by... well, confirming that it is.
• "I don't think [businesswoman] is a word."
• Liz watching the Jordans go at it: "Oh, no, you guys start with that?!"

PS. Who would you cast as Kenneth's mom's friend Ron? I want flashbacks to that!

As I said last week, the Seinfeld drop-by and wedding dress gag were solid, but laugh-for-laugh, I preferred this episode of 30 Rock. Will Arnett's voice alone had me howling, just by saying the most innocuous things like, "... at a restaurant" or, "I'm going to make your heart explode." And the wrasslin' with ol' bare-chested Winthorp?! "Your back is like a barrel of snakes.... You're having your way with me.... It's just like the Greeks!"

The "A" story, with Jack trying (in vain, thanks Kenneth) to keep his "secret heart attack" under wraps as he angles for Geiss' job and keeps Devon at bay, was a great showcase for the two guys. (Didn't Alec Baldwin almost look like his younger Beetlejuice self out playing football?) The A-minus story, in which Jenna explored — with the always amenable Dr. Spaceman's help — her "crazy surgical" weight-loss options was a fun poke at Hollywood's standards. ("It's as if the Dove commercials never happened," grouses Liz.) Did you catch the pamphlet "Call me Leo" handed Jenna — "You Do the Meth"? Not the best alternative to the Japanese porn star/all-the-paper-you-can-eat diet. And of course there was his keen advice: "Scientifically speaking, people want food but don't need it." OK....

Lastly there was Kenneth doing his charming best to make Tracy fight for his marriage, only to end up being charged to give Angie the good lovin' she deserves. In lothario mode, Kenneth promises, "I'm a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways.... I'll come over... at night ." And then hurl.

The bullets, and there are many:
• Liz polishing off the $54 steak in seconds, then claiming, "A dog took it."
• Jack on Geiss' subtext-filled yacht-magazine interview: "That's exactly how Margaret Thatcher did it."
• Liz grumbling how overweight men like "James Gandolfini or Fat Albert" are embraced by the biz.
• Liz trying to eBay the wedding dress, "But my Internet is being weird."
• Sight gag: "Blerg" as the manufacturer of Liz's IKEA-esque furniture.
• Devon losing the gay via "Practicology, the religion founded by the alien king living inside of Stan Lee." By the eye of Zolnak, indeed.
• Audio gag: Devon's heart palpitating upon spying Kenneth
• Tracy's "inscrutable" license plate: ICU81MI. (Huh?)
• Jenna pondering treatment at the clinic where the Olsen Twins were separated.
• Spaceman's wall of clients, including Ashley Simpson, Kenny Rogers, Alf and the Unabomber.
• Whoa, Garkle doesn't need the wheelchair?! Well-played.
• Kenneth defending his boss: "Mr. D eats people like you as part of a healthy breakfast!"
• Jenna no longer feeling the love at Forever 21. Awww.
• Jane Krakowski, I mean Jenna, lobbying to sing and rollerdance a la Xanadu.
• Flashback gag: Tracy's novelty party song "Wolf Bar Mitzvah"?!
• Defeated Devon: "I never should have said we were going to a restaurant."
• Jack looking aside and considering his options as Devon chokes.
• Tracy's wife asking for "No more jewelry with my name misspelled!" (What did that necklace say?)
• Jack with the young girl on the bench — some sort of subtle nod to Baldwin's notorious "miscommunication with kids" skills?
• Geiss making time to "Get to know my secret family up in Canada."