Background Music:


Music:  Enya--From Where I Am
  Another Life

By

Deborah A. Hymon
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(C) December 24, 2004

Forever Knight Fan Fiction---Dark N&N---Adult
CONTENT WARNINGS: 
Adult Nick & Natalie Story---Explicit sex (M/F)---(Nick/Nat)

Do not read if under age or such
       material offends you!  



DISCLAIMERS:  The Forever Knight characters belong to Columbia Tri/Star
No Copyright Infringement is intended
 
This story takes place at the end of third
season, a few weeks after the episode
Night in Question. Last Knight didn't happen.

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Forever Knight was a popular TV show with a substantial cult following. The show aired from 1992-1996.  Since the show’s cancellation, many fans have written fan fiction stories, extending the story or allowing the characters to pursue relationships that were denied on the show. Another Life is an extension of Nick and Natalie’s forbidden romance, and my version of what actually could have happened to these two dynamic characters.  

Author’s Personal Note:  In my Forever Knight world, the last TV episode, ‘Last Knight’, never happened.  Call it denial, but the Nick that I grew to know and love would never have drained Nat, and left her on a cold, cement floor to die.  And LaCroix, Nick’s vampire master and father, would never end the life of his precious son.  ‘Last Knight’ was an attempt to quickly end the show, but the fans refuse to let these wonderful characters die.

 

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This book is dedicated to my husband, Bruce, and our two daughters, Tara and Tasha, who took charge on Christmas Eve, allowing me to finish this story and submit it to the Yuletide Awards.  Thanks to their combined efforts of cooking, wrapping, and cleaning, I met the deadline and enjoyed a wonderful evening with family and friends.  A special thanks to my close friends, who were supportive that evening, and understood my last minute edits.  There's too many to name, but you know who you are. I love all of you dearly.



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I would like to thank two friends who are continuously a part of my Forever Knight projects.  Donna Welborn, my number one fan, who has been there from the beginning.  She’s always there to kick my butt, listen to my ideas, and beta read my work.  Her continued enthusiasm for my ideas and writing are greatly appreciated. 

The other person is Phyllis Russ, who constantly demands I write more Nick and Nat stories.  My first fanzine was published due to her repeated requests for a Season of Change book.  Without her I would never have thought to publish my stories in a fanzine.  These two friends are my sister’s in the Knight, and I love them dearly. 

 

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 ~~~ Prologue ~~~



 
He was brought across in 1228, preyed on humans for their blood. Now he wants to be mortal again, to repay society for his sins, to emerge from his world of darkness, from his endless, forever knight.


Nicholas de Brabant, known throughout the centuries by many different names, is in his present persona, Nick Knight.  Nicholas, a vampire, lived in darkness, relishing in his bloodlust and power for centuries.  A chance meeting with Joan of Arc caused him to question his life as a vampire, the result—he hated what he’d become.  He wishes to regain his soul, and regain his mortality, to love and die, as it should have been centuries ago.

Throughout the centuries, Nick held many occupations, but the last century he’s tried to repent by helping mortals.  His desire to repay society, led him to his present day employment, a homicide detective in Toronto.  

Six years earlier, Nick was presumed dead after a pipe bomb attack.  He tried to protect mortals from the deadly explosion, and succeeded, but was injured for his effort.  Nick was brought to Toronto’s morgue where the coroner, Dr. Natalie Lambert, was working late.  Nick Knight regenerated on her exam table, revealing his true nature.  

The creature and man fascinated Natalie, instead of frightening her. The vampire Code, to hypnotize a mortal to forget or kill them if they should have knowledge of vampires, is strictly enforced. Killing Natalie wasn’t an option since Nick hadn’t killed in over a century. Nick tried hypnotizing Natalie, but she was a resistor, someone who can’t be hypnotized.  Once she discovered Nick hated being a vampire, and wanted to regain his mortality, she offered to help him in his search for a cure. Trust and friendship between the two eventually led to forbidden love.

Vampires and mortals don’t play house—the results can be deadly for the mortal.  Vampires are sexual creatures, but to complete the sexual act they must consume their lover’s blood.  Should they ever indulge in this forbidden love, Nick fears he’ll lose control, and in a fit of passion, drain Natalie—killing her.  

Nick’s vampirism isn’t the only thing preventing an intimate relationship with Natalie.  Almost 800 years ago, Nick’s vampire father, LaCroix, fell in love with Nick’s mortal sister.  LaCroix wanted to bring her across, to be his eternal companion, but Nick wouldn’t allow it. He saved Fleur, his sister, by making a bargain with LaCroix, promising, ‘if I ever truly fall in love with a mortal, then you shall have your retribution, by claiming my mortal love and denying me the relationship.’  Nick fears LaCroix will kill or bring Natalie across if he should discover Nick’s true feelings for the mortal.

Nick and Natalie’s other obstacle is the Enforcers, the Vampire police. If the Enforcers discover Natalie’s knowledge of vampires, she and Nick will be killed.

Nick and Natalie have danced around their feelings for years, both afraid to verbally admit their love to the other. Except, all relationships change.  One night Nick is shot in the head, losing his memory, forgetting he's a vampire, but his heart remembers Natalie.  The two spend one sensual night in each others arms, Nick vowing to love her forever.  But the next morning, with the return of his memories, his vampire reemerges.  The forbidden lovers are faced with the harsh reality that their love can never be, but hearts and destiny are two powers that can't be changed.  Can these two love enough to overcome their forbidden love?

 









***CHAPTER ONE***



"What do you want from me, Nat?"  Nick looked straight at her, but his eyes avoided making contact with hers.  He nervously rubbed  his right thumb with his left hand fingers.

Natalie stared at him.  Her face felt flushed from the anger she felt boiling deep within her.  If he couldn't give her what she wanted, needed, without her telling him, then there was nothing between them.  She let out a heavy sigh, her anger turning into a painful tightening in her chest.  "Nothing, Nick."  Her voice was low, with the tone of defeat.  "Nothing...if you can't give it freely, without demand."

She turned to walk to the lift. Nick came up behind her, resting his hands on her shoulders.  "Nat..."

Before he could say more, she shrugged his hands off, and stepped into the lift, pushing the down button as her sad eyes locked with his.  The loft remained quiet until the door shut, and the mechanical roar of the lift engaged, sending Nat downward to the garage.

"Nat!  Wait!! Come back...Nat!"  Nick called.  He heard the lift door opening, the whirring sound of the garage door lifting, and the faint beat of Nat's heart growing more distant.  "Damn it, Nat!"  He couldn't follow.  Sunrise had arrived an hour ago.

Natalie sat in her car, her forehead leaning against the steering wheel, her arms tightly wrapped around her waist.  Her stomach muscles tightened, her chest felt heavy, and the tears slowly began to slide down her cheeks.  "Damn you, Nick. Damn you for not even trying to give us a chance."

She wiped the tears away with the back of her hands; her decision made.  She was leaving Toronto, leaving her career, the few friends she had, and the only man she ever truly loved or would love.  She couldn't remain here, seeing him daily, without being near him, feeling his arms around her, and his soft kisses that caused her heart to beat faster.  She tried not to think about the love they'd shared, it hurt too much.

Nick had distanced himself from her, avoiding any contact unless it concerned work.  Even then, if it weren't too conspicuous, he would send Tracy, his partner, to the morgue for reports.  Tracy had noticed the change in their relationship, and so had most of their co-workers.  Tracy even had the nerve to ask what was wrong between her and Nick.  Nat avoided an honest answer by telling Tracy they both were tired, and over worked. 

The truth was it had been a few weeks since Nick had been shot in the head, lost his memory, and they'd spent one glorious, intimate night together.  Without his memories, he'd forgotten what he was, and the vampire had remained dormant. A scene flashed in her head of them naked, in his bed, the feel of her back sliding against silk sheets as he slowly thrust into her over and over again, filling her warm core to the max.  He'd loved her every way possible, giving her one orgasm after another.  His loving was tender, slow, and so giving. He's made sure she had been satisfied several times before he'd given in to his own passion.  It had been the most loving and sensuous night of her life. She'd seen the love and desire in his eyes as he made love to her.   'I love you, and I'll never let you go,' he'd confessed at the peak of his release.

A stray tear escaped and fell to her dry lips.  She wiped it away, and wondered why fate, God, or whatever supreme forces of the universe would allow them to finally love, only to take it away.  The next morning, Nick had left the loft while she slept, only to be severely burned by the morning sun.  He'd barely made it back to the loft, where he'd collapsed in her arms, demanding to know what was wrong with him.  If only he'd listened to her request, not to leave the loft, then maybe nothing would have triggered the release of the vampire.  All of her hopes and dreams were shattered as she tried to explain to him that he was an 800 year old vampire. She'd told him it was impossible for them to have the kind of relationship they wanted.

Nat looked up at the loft's window where the metal shutters were closed for the day, locking Nick into his daytime prison.  She took a deep breath and started her car.  "Goodbye, Nick.  I'll always love you...forever." 

Nat turned the car toward work.  Her first stop to turn in her resignation.  From there she planned to close out her bank accounts, pack essentials, and take her cat to Grace, who promised to temporarily care for him until Nat was settled.  She wanted to leave Toronto before sundown, that way Nick couldn't follow her.  She wanted a clean break with no more talks or arguments.  Nat knew in her heart if she saw him again, it would be difficult to leave.  Her apartment rent paid for the next three months, gave her time to decide where she would go, and what to do with her furniture.  Whatever lay in her future, it didn't include Toronto or the man she'd just left for the last time. It would be difficult, but her life would take a different path now, one that didn't include Nick.





***CHAPTER TWO***



Nick barely slept due to dreams of Nat. Each time he fell asleep, he'd wake from nightmares of Nat's face filled with hurt and defeat, and her finally walking out of his life forever.  Time after time he'd awoken, his body covered in a blood sweat.  Once from a true nightmare, one of Nat naked, in his bed, covered in her own blood.  The sound of the phone ringing startled him.  He quickly went down the stairs, hoping he'd hear Natalie's voice when he answered. 

"Nat?"

After a long pause, he heard Tracy. "Nick, what the hell have you done?"

"Tracy, I don't know what you mean. I just woke up. I've been at the loft all day."

"You bastard!  I can't believe you!  You're the most selfish man I've ever met."  She yelled.

Nick's sensitive hearing caused him to hold the phone away from his ear.   "Trace, how can I possibly know what you're accusing me of if you don't tell me?"

"Nat, that's what!"

Nick felt his heart add an extra beat to its usual slow rythm.  His throat tightened.  "Trace, what about Nat?  Has something happened to her?"  A part of him dreaded her reply.  Fears of Natalie injured...or worse begin to creep through his body.

"You honestly don't know, do you?"

"Know what?  Please Tracy, tell me!"  His voice quivered with the onslaught of panic.

"Nat's gone." Her tone softened, her voice lowered.  "She's gone, Nick."

"Gone, gone where?" The fear he was feeling increased.

"As in gone...resigned, Nick. What did you do to make her leave, to leave you?"

"Resigned?"

"Yes, she turned in her resignation first thing this morning.  She asked Grace to keep her cat, and told her that she was leaving town." She lowered her voice, avoiding anyone from over hearing her conversation.  "Nick, I found out as soon as I got to work. The entire precinct is talking about it. I couldn't believe she'd really leave, leave you, but I checked. There's no answer at her apartment or cell phone. Nick, she's gone, and I don't think she's coming back."

"How can you know that?  What are you not telling me?"

"I did a computer check. I know it was unauthorized, and I could get in trouble, but I had to know for sure.  Nick, she's cleaned out her bank accounts. I've checked, and there aren't any registered travel plans. That means she's driving, taking her car with her.  I would say it's almost a definite that she doesn't plan on returning."  Tracy waited for Nick to respond, but he didn't. She had to know because recently Nat and her had become friends, one of the few friends she had.  "Nick, what happened, what did you do to make her leave?"

Nick ran his fingers through his hair, confused and worried that what Tracy was saying made sense. If Nat had left and wasn't coming back, then it was his fault.  But maybe it was for the best.  If she moved on, perhaps she still had a chance to lead a normal life, one without vampires and all the evil he'd brought into her life.

"Nick?  Come on, talk to me. We have to get her to come back, you have to...."

"Listen to me, Trace.  I know you and Nat are close, but I think maybe this is for the best. "

Tracy's anger resurfaced.  "How can you say that?  Nick! I thought you loved her, and I know she loves you.  Is she not worth fighting for?  What you two have is what most of us only dream about. You can deny it all you want, but I know what I saw when you two were together. I've never seen such love, devotion, and passion. Don't even try to deny it, partner."

Nick picked up the remote and clicked open the metal shutters.  The last remnants of sundown were evident in the western sky.  A dim glow lit the clouds to brilliant shades of pinks, blues, and purples.  Winter sunsets were always the most spectacular, and his favorite.  The last few seconds of the day was the only way for him to enjoy the sun, before his world of darkness emerged.  How many times had Nat and he stood here and watched a fading sunset?  He'd always enjoyed those special moments with her back pressed to his chest, his arms wrapped around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder, both silent with their private thoughts.  His dreams were always the same, of loving her, having her with him forever, and perhaps someday having a family together.

"Nick, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here.  Trace, I don't think Nat..."

"Shut up, and listen to me.  Nat loves you.  I have to admit, sometimes I wonder why, but she does. She loves you completely with everything she is.  Nick, she wants to be with you, and I don't know what you did or said, but I think you hurt her.  She's gone, Nick.  Can you honestly live without ever seeing her again, without her in your life?  I don't think Nat can do that.  I think she'll give up without you."

"What do you mean?  Nat would never harm herself, she's too strong a person."

"Nick, there's more ways to end it all besides taking your own life.  Grief is a powerful thing.  People can grieve themselves to death. I've seen it happen in my own family.  A broken heart can destroy a person, and I think you've broken Nat's heart."  Tracy waited, bit her lower lip and plunged ahead.  "I thought you cared for her, loved her. If you did, you wouldn't hurt her like this.  You might as well have shot her in the heart.  You've destroyed her, Nick, and I want to know what you're going to do about fixing it. It's never too late.  I think you owe it to Nat to fix this mess; you owe it to both of you. There's nothing that can't be fixed with love."

Nick looked out the window, the sky had turned dark, and he could now safely leave the loft.  "Trace, book me off for the next week.  I don't care what you tell the Captain, tell him it's a family emergency."

"Does this mean you're..."

"Yes, I'm going to find Nat, and bring her back. Call Grace, tell her if Nat calls not to let her know I'm looking for her, but try to find out where she is.  Don't let anyone at work know I'm searching for her. Nat can be a stubborn woman, and if she's still pissed at me, she will do everything she can to keep me from finding her.  I don't want her to know I'm looking for her.  Got it?"

"Got it, Nick." Tracy's smile beamed.  "I want you to know, you're doing the right thing."

"I hope so, Trace, I hope so."

"I know so.  And Nick?"

"Yeah, Trace?"

"I'm sorry I called you a bastard, but I'm not sorry if it made you see the mistake of not going after Nat."

Nick smiled for the first time in weeks.  "Thanks, Trace. I guess I just needed a kick in the pants, a wake up call."

"Any time, partner, now go get Nat. Call me if I can help.  I'll be on the cell if you need me."

"Thanks, Tracy."

"You're welcome.  Just make sure I have invitations to your wedding, and perhaps invites to your kid's graduations."  She couldn't contain her laugh.

"Deal, if I can get Nat to forgive me, and give me another chance."

"Not 'if' Nick, 'when'.  Now go get her."

"Bye Trace."

Trace hung up the phone.  She had to stop grinning before she spoke with the Captain about Nick's week off, otherwise he'd know the truth, and that wouldn't do.  Nick was right, if Nat didn't want to be found, she wouldn't be.  Keeping Nick's intentions a secret were the best hope he had of finding her. She knew Nat would most likely call Grace to check on her cat, Syd.  Nat might even call her, and she had to be prepared to play the game. Tracy decided she would do whatever it took, even deceiving Nat, to help her partner because Nick and Nat belonged together.






***CHAPTER THREE***



Natalie had no idea where she would go.  Toronto had been her home for eight years.  She'd never thought she'd be the one leaving.  It had always been her fear that Nick would move on, leaving her behind.  Tears filled her eyes, and she angrily wiped them away with the back of her hand.  Suddenly, she realized where she needed to go, who she wanted to be with.

She'd been driving for an hour toward Buffalo, New York, to the one man, besides Nick, she knew she could trust.  It had been five years since she'd seen Andrew.  But, their emails, phone calls, Christmas and birthday cards were consistent, always with a brief note exchanging thier life's events. Nick didn't know about Andrew or how important he was to her.  She didn't know why she'd never told him, but she knew Nick had his secrets, and Andrew was hers.

She flipped open her cell phone and dialed the memorized number.

"Hello, Andrew speaking."

Natalie smiled. 'Always the proper one, his manners still impeccable,' she thought.

"Andrew, it's me, Nat."

"Nat!  How are you?"

Natalie bit her lower lip, and took a deep breath.  "I need you, Andrew. Can I come for a visit, perhaps stay with you for a few days?"

"Oh, Nat, of course you can. My home is always open to you.  What's going on?  I'll be happy to see you, but why the sudden visit?  Don't try to tell me there's nothing wrong, I can hear it in your voice."

Natalie smiled. Andrew always knew her feelings, her emotions, sometimes better than she knew herself.  "I'd rather not get into it on the phone, but I promise to tell you everything when I arrive."

"Be prepared to spill all when you get here.  When will you arrive?"

"Is an hour too soon?"

"No, not too soon. I'm in the middle of having the condo remodeled, but we'll figure out something. And before you say it, no your stay won't be an inconvenience."

"Thanks, Andrew."

"Anytime. You know how I feel about you. It'll be good to see you again; it's been too long. I've missed you, Nat."

"Yes, it has been too long, and you have no idea how much I've missed you.  I'll see you in about an hour. And Andrew-thanks."

"No problem, just get yourself safely here to me."

"Deal." Natalie's thoughts rushed quickly to past memories, of wonderful times they'd spent together.  "Andrew...I love you."  She suddenly felt shy with her comment.

"Natalie, I love you too, always have and always will."

Natalie clicked off the phone, feeling better than she had since leaving Toronto.  At least now she had a destination, and would be with someone who she'd never doubt loved her.

An hour later, Nat held her breath and pushed the doorbell.  The door quickly opened, and she found strong arms wrapped around her, her body lifted, being twirled in a circle by Andrew.  She wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to hold on during her unexpected orbit of excitement.

"Nat!  It's so good to see you!"  He stopped, and let her body slide down his, allowing her feet to finally touch the floor.  Andrew caressed her face between both of his hands.  "You look wonderful, as beautiful as always."  He lowered his face and kissed her firmly on the lips.  "God! It's good to have you here."  He hugged her tight before grabbing her hand and pulling her inside his condo.  "Make yourself comfortable.  Let me get your bags."

Natalie quickly noticed the construction debris in the living area of the condo, which included a truck size hole in the wall, covered with plastic drop cloths.   The remodeling mess extended into the kitchen where boxes were stacked lining one wall.  She turned as Andrew sat her bags on the floor.  "Andrew, this doesn't seem to be a good time. When you said you were remodeling, I had no idea you were involved in such an extensive renovation. I can get a room at the local hotel..."

"Don't even think it, Nat. I want you close to me. I know something is wrong or you would never take off from work so suddenly and show up on my doorstep. Don't think for one minute I'm going to let you leave here. Nat, I'm here for you, always.  We'll work something out."

She arched a brow and gave him a questioning look.  "Are you sure?"

"I know it's been awhile, but do you have a problem sharing my bed?  As you can see there's no sofa, and I'm afraid that for now this is a one-bedroom flat. I bought the condo next door so I could enlarge this place."  He nervously waited her answer.

Natalie found herself smiling for the first time in weeks. The smile turned into a loud chuckle.  "Andrew, I trust you. And as far as my virtue, I believe it was tarnished years ago."

"Good, then it's settled, you stay here and sleep with me. After all, it's been awhile since I've shared my bed, so it'll be good to have a warm body next to mine."

"For me too."  She now knew she'd made the right decision to come here, to spend time with him, sharing their lives like they used to in the old days.

"Let me take your coat, and I'll take your bags into the bedroom.  There's two sinks in the master bath or you can use the half bath out here to do your womanly stuff."  He helped her out of her coat, hanging it in the entry closet.

"That might be the best idea. That way I won't invade your space with curling irons and other 'womanly stuff'." She laid her purse on the dining table, and turned to see him walking out of the bedroom where he'd carried her bags.

"Oh, Nat, when did that ever stop you from invading my space?  And to be honest, I've missed your invasions, so feel free to invade all you wish."  He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her.  "Damn, I've missed you!"  He kissed her forehead and both cheeks.  "When are you going to tell me what brought on this invasion?"  He teased.  He released her, but didn't move, a silent demand for her to explain why she'd suddenly appeared on his door step.

Nat took a deep breath.  "Oh, Andrew, my life is a real mess, and I don't know how to fix it."

"Listen, why don't you go take a hot shower, get comfortable, and I'll make you a cup of hot soup. Later, if you'd like, we can go out to dinner or I can phone for take-out to be delivered. Whatever you want, Nat.  How does that sound?"

"It sounds wonderful, especially the hot shower part. I'll only be a few minutes."

"Okay, I'll start the soup. Since I don't have a sofa, why don't you rest on the bed? I'll bring the soup to you."

She smiled, and caressed his cheek.  "You've always been too good to me.  Why?"

"Because you're a very special person, and I love you dearly."  He playfully kissed her on the nose, and walked from the room, to make her soup.  "Fresh towels in the closet next to the shower, Nat.  Give a yell if you need anything else."  He called over his shoulder as he tried to find a can of chicken noodle soup from one of the stacked cardboard boxes.

Natalie finished her shower, put on a pair of sweats, and laid on the bed. A throw from the chair covered her bare feet.  She was finally beginning to relax when she heard the soft knock on the bedroom door.

"I'm decent."

The door slowly opened. And Andrew walked in with a tray.  A steaming bowl of soup, a plate of crackers, and glass of water were presented to her.  "Room service, my dear."

Natalie couldn't help but grin at the regal presentation.  She smiled, but quickly her eyes filled with tears.  She couldn't help thinking about Nick, wishing it were him who was eagerly taking care of her.  She brushed at her eyes with the back of her hands, before taking the tray from Andrew.  "Ignore my emotional outburst. I'll get over it soon enough. I promise."

Andrew fluffed up the pillows, and held them against the headboard until she leaned comfortably against them.  He tucked the paper napkin into the neck of her sweatshirt, fashioning it into a bib.  "Listen to me.  You've never had to hide your emotions from me. You don't have to be the tough as nails, Natalie Lambert, not with me.  I'm here for you, and after you've finished your soup, I want you to tell me everything.  Remember, I have broad shoulders?"

Nat dipped her spoon into the soup, cautiously blowing across it to cool the hot liquid.  She took a sip and let the warmth flow down, warming her inner chest.  She slowly raised her eyes, and looked at Andrew as she took another sip. 

"I'll leave you while I take a quick shower, then we can talk."  He grabbed a few clothes from the bottom drawer of the chest, and went into the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind him.

Natalie finished her soup, lost in her thoughts of what had happened the last few weeks to change her life. How could she unburden her heart to Andrew without revealing Nick's secret?  An idea finally began to play out in her mind. 

She heard the bathroom door open, and saw Andrew standing in the doorway, partially dressed in navy blue silk pajama bottoms that hung low on his hips. She watched his firm bicep and pectoral muscles flex as he towel dried his hair.  He was a magnificent specimen, his broad shoulders tapered downward to a small waist.  His skin slick, not a hair anywhere, except the small dark dusting below his navel that continued below his pants. His flesh a golden bronze, proof of his love of the sun, and this time of year she assumed the tanning bed.

God he was beautiful.  Not just his body, but also his face.  His features were strongly sculpted with sharp angles, and a jaw line that most men, especially models, would kill for. His eyes were an intense blue, and sadly reminded her of Nick's.  A full mane of jet black hair crowned his gorgeous face, the lose curls just barely brushed his shoulders.  A certain turn of his head in the light caused his black hair appear to have blue streaks, reminding her of a black raven in the sunlight.  The thought of a raven reminded her of the Raven nightclub that Nick frequented.  She pushed those thoughts away before they caused her pain, and continued to admire the view of Andrew's toned body.

Andrew raised his head and noticed Nat staring at him.  "Like what you see, lady?"

"Oh yeah. A gal would never complain about that view!"

He rubbed the towel across his chest, catching the last droplets that had fallen from his wet hair, and threw the towel at her face.  She caught it and threw it back at him. He laughed, dropped the towel on the floor and fell on to the bed.  "You do know how to capture a guy's attention and flatter him, Natalie Lambert."

The playfulness was gone.  Nat's smile turned into a frown and tears again filled her eyes.  "Don't bet on it."  She fell back into the pillows and turned away from him.

Andrew hesitated, but quickly forgot the years of their separation.  All the years melted away, and once again it was all about them, Andrew and Nat, the inseparable duo.  He rolled over, and put his arms around her, pulling her back close to his chest, and held her tight, one hand stroking her forehead.  "Shhh, love, whatever it is, we'll fix it. We've always fixed everything."  He kissed the back of her head.  "Nat, talk to me.  Let me in, love.  Share your pain with me."  He continued to hold her, rubbing her face, kissing her hair.

Natalie finally let the dam of tears break. She cried more than she thought humanly possible, until there were no more tears, just empty dry sobs.  "Oh, Andrew.  My life is a mess, and I don't know what to do.  I don't think I can go on like this. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up."

Her words scared him. He rolled Nat over on to her back, bracing himself above her, and captured her tear-streaked face in his large hands. "Don't you ever, ever, say that, Nat! Never! Do you hear me?"

She bit her lower lip as the shame filled her. In her grief, she'd forgotten how Andrew's only sister had committed suicide. It had nearly destroyed him. How could she have been so thoughtless?  "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean it.  I'm just so tired."

Andrew lowered his body over hers, hugging her close.  He kissed her temple before rolling over bringing her face to rest on his warm bare chest.  "I know, love, but don't ever think that.  Nothing can be that bad, not even a failed marriage." His last words were spoken so softly she'd barely heard them.

Nat let him hold her, relaxing into his embrace. She wrapped her arms tightly around him. She knew his thoughts were on Diane, his sister, who had committed suicide when her husband had an affair with a college girl, getting the girl pregnant.  She felt guilty for her slip of tongue.  "Andrew, I'm sorry, I didn't think."

He pushed her away, enough to look at her.  "It's okay, Nat, water under the bridge. Don't worry about it. What's done is done, but you're here now. So, let's see if we can fix whatever is wrong."  He held her face, allowing his thumb to swipe across her cheek, drying a stray tear.  He kissed her nose.  "Why don't you start from the beginning, perhaps his name?"

She looked at him, her eyes widened.  "How do you know it's a man that's the problem?"

He kissed her again on the nose and smiled. "Because I know you better than anyone, perhaps even yourself.  I know any other problem would cause you to take it by the tail and deal with the issues, solving whatever. I know your heart, Nat. When you're in love or involved romantically, you can be a bit irrational with your thinking. You let your heart lead, not your head. I would bet that's what this is all about. Am I right?"

She bit her lower lip and nodded her head.  Nat pulled away and sat up.  She pulled her knees to her chest, and wrapped her arms tightly around them.  She rested her chin on her knees, trying to decide where to start.  "I met him six years ago.  His name is Nick, Nick Knight. He's a homicide detective in Toronto. We met during a pipe bomb case, and quickly became friends. I'm also his doctor; well, not exactly that. He has a rare skin condition, no tolerance to sun. I offered to do some research on his problem in my spare time.  Over the years our friendship grew, and before I knew it, I had fallen hopelessly and madly in love with him." She turned and looked directly at Andrew.  "I've never loved anyone like I love Nick. I didn't know that type of love was possible."

Andrew touched her arm and stroked up and down, reassuring her to continue.   "Then what's the problem, Nat?  Does he love you?"

She paused and thought about that.  "Yeah, I think so...no, I know so, but it's complicated, Andrew, real complicated."

"Want to explain?"

"Well, he has a real powerful family.  His father can be a dangerous man, and he doesn't approve of our relationship or of me.  He'll do anything to keep us apart.  Nick is afraid his father will cause trouble or hurt me if we're open with our relationship.  A few weeks ago, Nick was shot in the head while on duty.  He temporarily lost his memory...except his feelings for me.  He remembered only that we had something special.  After he was released from the hospital, I moved in with him for a few days, to take care of him."  She paused and took a deep breath.  "Because of his father, Nick had never allowed our relationship to become intimate.  But one night, things were said, feelings shared...we made love, not once but several times.  I thought perhaps that would be the beginning of a life together, a turning point for us to finally be together. But once he remembered everything, he distanced himself from me. God, it hurts, Andrew. I feel as if my heart is being torn out."  Tears started to fall freely down her cheeks, soaking the front of her sweatshirt.

Andrew could feel her pain.  He wanted to hold her, tell her everything would be okay, but he felt powerless to fix this for her.  He needed more information, before he could even attempt to help her.  He reached for her and pulled her down, into his arms.   As he continued to hold her, he felt her body jerk as each burst of tears fell from her beautiful blue eyes.  It was some time before her sobs subsided and he realized she'd fallen asleep. 

He reached for the comforter, pulling it over both of them.  Careful not to wake her, he kissed her temple.  "I love you, Nat.  I'll always be here for you." He kissed her again, before finally falling asleep holding the only woman who had ever truly touched his heart.
***CHAPTER FOUR***


Nick used all his connections at the precinct to locate Nat since her abrupt departure two weeks ago, but every path he followed came up with a firm dead end.  His only consolation was Nat hadn't contacted Grace to check on Syd.  He knew she wouldn't leave her precious cat permanently behind. Fortunately, he'd talked to Grace, and she being his biggest fan to win Natalie's love, had promised to let him know when Nat sent for Syd.  Nick planned on following the cat, and hopefully it would lead him to Nat.

Tracy continued to run daily traces on Nat's credit cards, but so far Nat hadn't used them.  It could be a long time before Nat's credit card's showed activity since she'd closed out her bank accounts, and most likely was paying cash for her purchases. Nat could be anywhere, even in the states. Tracy checked those records too.  Each day without word from Nat, not even knowing if she were safe, caused Nick's temper to flare. Everyone at work avoided him, even Captain Reese.

"Knight!  My office, now!"

Tracy looked across her desk at Nick and mouthed the words, 'good luck'.  She had a feeling Nick would get a strong reprimand for his recent attitude.

Nick slowly walked into the Captain's office, but stood silently, waiting for Joe to speak.

The captain sat down and looked at Nick.  He could see the stress and pain etched into his detectives face.  "Shut the door and sit down, Nick."

Nick did as asked, and remained quiet. He avoided eye contact with Joe.

"Nick, I know what you and Tracy are doing, and off the record, this conversation is not happening.  Do you understand?"

That comment got Nick's attention. He finally looked at Joe, and nodded his head in agreement.

"Listen, no matter what you and Dr. Lambert profess, I know what I see, what I've seen since taking over this precinct.  I've also heard all the speculations over the years, before I arrived.  You two love each other."

Nick started to deny it, but Joe held up his hands to stop him.  "Nick, anybody can see how you two feel about each other. The way you look at her when you think she's not looking. She does the same to you. And when you two do look at each other...my God, the sparks fly.  Most of us would donate a body part to have half of what you two have. I don't know why you haven't committed to a permanent relationship or what happened between the two of you that sent her running, and frankly, it's none of my business.  I hope you and Tracy get a lead on her, and you can convince her to come home. You took last week off, even though you spent most nights in here on the computer. I assume you were trying to find Natalie. If you need more time off, let me know. You work damn hard around here, and put in more hours than most. Just don't let it interfere with your other cases. It hasn't so far."

Nick didn't respond.  He ran his fingers through his hair, his hand dropped to rub across the back of his neck.  The silence in the room lengthened until he finally took a deep breath.  "Captain, I'm going to admit something to you that I've never said to anyone, not even Nat."   His fingers tightened around the chairs arms.  He looked directly into Joe's eyes.  "Yes, I love Nat, so much it hurts.  She knows, but we've never truly spoken the words except once.  I've realized something, something that Tracy made me realize.  I can't live without Nat. I can't imagine her not being a part of my life. Somehow I will find her, and make her understand this. I only hope it's not too late.  I need her, Joe.  God, I need her, and if she'll have me, I plan on making it a permanent relationship, one way or another."

"Nick, why haven't you told her how you feel?"  Joe leaned forward, bracing his chin on his hands, and looked directly into Nick's eyes, waiting for an answer.

"It's complicated. Circumstances have kept us apart. I'm going to find her, but I'm also going to do everything in my power to rectify the situation that has kept me from committing. I've searched a long time for a woman like Nat, and I don't plan on giving her up without a damn good fight."

"I'm glad, Nick.  Natalie's a special woman.  You find her, and make her understand how you feel.  Bring her home, Nick."

Nick stood.  "Captain, I don't want anyone besides you and Grace knowing that Tracy and I are searching for Nat. Nat can be stubborn, and if she's still upset, she'll avoid me and keep a low profile, making it impossible to find her."

"Deal, Knight, and remember we didn't have this conversation.  I have no idea what you and that impulsive partner of yours is up to."  Joe grinned and gave Nick a wink.

Nick smiled for the first time since entering the office.  "Thanks, Captain."  He turned and walked out, quietly returning to his desk. He glanced across the desk at Tracy. She arched a brow, waiting for him to explain what had gone on with their Captain behind closed doors.  He smiled at his partner.  "Later, Trace." He picked up the file from their last homicide and started to review the notes.

Tracey couldn't believe she'd finally seen a smile on Nick's face.  She couldn't wait until their break.  If Nick didn't tell her what the Captain had said, she would beat it out of him if she had to.  They were in this together, no secrets, and one way or the other they would find Nat and bring her home.   

Captain Reese looked out the door at the two detectives.  He couldn't believe the professional Dr. Lambert had resigned and disappeared without a trace. He only hoped that no harm came to Natalie, and they found her soon.  He'd been surprised with Nick's confession, especially after the couple had denied their feelings for years.  He knew Nick and Tracy wouldn't stop until they found Natalie. She didn't stand a chance against Toronto's best detective team. She might be smart enough to avoid detection for a while, but sooner or later they would find her.   He sincerely hoped Nick could convince her to come home, and they would make their long denied relationship a permanent one. He also hoped Nick conquered whatever private battles he had to fight to claim the lady as his. If any couple was destined to be together, it was those two.

Joe knew they could all get in trouble if their superiors found out about this unauthorized investigation. After all Natalie Lambert wasn't an official missing person. She'd resigned, and left town.  But somehow he thought if it did come to anyone's attention, having Tracy Vetter, the Police Commissioners daughter, on their team would help to smooth any feather ruffling that might occur.  So far, neither detective had neglected their regular cases. As a matter of fact, Knight had thrown himself more into his work than usual, and still kept a full time investigation going on Lambert. He didn't know how the man did it, but he knew Knight wouldn't rest until he found her.

"Break time, and you have some explaining to do, partner."  Tracy stood, grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair and put it on.  "Come on, let's go."  She walked around to Nick's side of the desk and tugged at his shirtsleeve, determined to make him follow her.

"Okay, don't tear the silk." He chuckled.

Tracy grinned. It was the first time he'd teased or attempted any humor since Natalie disappeared.  She swatted his arm.  "I'll do more than tear silk if you don't get your butt out the door." 

Nick stood, putting on his leather duster.  He gave her one of his cocky-boyish grins that most women swooned over. But somehow, Tracy had always seemed to be immune to it, and now didn't seem to be an exception.

As if she could read his mind she warned him. "That doesn't work on me.  Never has and never will.  Save that impish expression for wooing female suspects to confess."

Nick was honestly shocked at Tracy's comment.  "Impish expression?"

"Nick, do you have any idea how silly that expression looks?  It may work on some women, but trust me the ones it works on aren't worth having."  They stepped out the front door of the precinct.  She abruptly turned and noticed his perplexed expression.  "Does it work on Nat?"  She crossed her arms and waited for his answer.

He sighed.  "No it doesn't."

"Well that's proof of my observation."  She smirked, and started to walk toward the Caddie.

Nick caught her arm, and stopped her.  "Trace, thanks."

She looked at his hand holding her elbow, then at him. "For what?"

"For not talking about Nat in the past tense."  His voice was low, and very serious.  For a moment he let her see the pain he felt, before quickly restoring the 'Nick Knight, tough guy, nothing bothers me' mask.

For the first time ever, Tracy touched his face, caressing his cheek with her thumb.  "You're welcome Nick.  Nat's not gone forever. We will find her.  She loves you too much not to listen to you, and forgive you for whatever happened.  Trust me on this one.  You have faith, Nick; faith in you—faith in her, and faith in your love.  Don't give up hope, Nick.  You'll see, everything will work out."

He covered her hand with his, pushing his face against her warm hand.  "That's exactly what Nat always says to me--faith, hope, and love."

Tracey smiled.  "Nat's a smart woman."  She bit her lower lip, and paused. She wondered if she should stop, and not give him too much hope.  No matter what, Nat 'was' a smart woman, and in love with this man.  Nat was definitely too smart to let a guy like Nick get away.  "Too smart not to forgive you, and come home." Tracy added.

Nick turned her hand and placed a kiss in her palm.  "I hope your right.  Whatever happens, Trace, you're a good friend. Thanks."

"You bet."  She looped her arm through his, and started guiding him toward the car.  "Now tell me what the Captain had to say?"

He opened the car door, let her slide in before shutting it and walking around to the driver's side.  He stopped briefly to look up. He'd felt his master's presence, and sure enough there stood Lucien LaCroix watching him, and Tracy.  He had no doubts LaCroix had heard their entire conversation. 

Nick closed down his emotions, shutting out any further probing that LaCroix might pursue through their vampire link.  He nodded at LaCroix, acknowledging him.  He planned a long over due trip to the Raven at the end of his shift.  He had no idea what he would say, but he would fight this battle with everything he had.  One way or another he would make LaCroix release him of his debt.  The 800-year old debt to surrender his one true mortal love to his father, master, would not happen.  He would die before he allowed LaCroix to harm Natalie.
***CHAPTER FIVE***


Nick tried to focus on the Snyder case for the reminder of his shift, but he couldn't stop thinking about LaCroix's unexpected appearance.   Why had LaCroix been on the precinct's roof?   Several times during the evening Tracy smacked Nick's arm to get his attention, abruptly bringing him out of his deep thoughts.  He had to find a way to persuade LaCroix to not harm Nat, and allow them to be together. 

"Nick!"   Trace shouted for the third time.  She swatted him again. "Damn it, Nick. I know that this situation with Nat has you distracted, but do you know how nervous you make me when you space off like that while driving?  After all, I'm mortal, and car crashes do kill humans." 

Nick looked at her.  He realized Tracy's fear had made her unaware of what she'd just said.  He couldn't pass up the opportunity to tease her.  Nick still found it amazing she knew about vampires because of her friend Vachon, but hadn't discovered that he too was a member of the walking undead.  Nick loved when these situations occurred. He could innocently tease, and watch her squirm, unable to disclose her vampire knowledge.

"What do you mean you're mortal?  Trace, are you trying to tell me you're not an alien from planet Xenion, or some monster or witch from the dark side of hell?  Perhaps a blood sucking undead of the night?"  He smirked when he noticed his last comment caused her to withdraw and stare out the side window.  It was all he could do to keep from laughing out loud.  These moments were rare, but priceless. He wondered what she would do if she ever found out he was a vampire.  He hoped that never happened. One vampire in her life was enough.

"Hey."  He reached across and lightly squeezed her arm.  "I'm sorry. Okay?  You're right.  This thing with Nat has me spaced out, and worried.  I just need to know she's safe."

"Nick, I've run a check on all the hospitals..." She paused before adding,  "and morgues, in Canada and the states. Besides, I'm sure she's traveling with ID.  If anything happened, we would have heard by now."

"I know, Trace, but I keep running over and over in my mind where she could be. We've done everything we can to track her..."

"Nick!  I just thought of something!  Damn, how could we have been so stupid?"

"What?"  His voice cracked with excitement.

"We've been trying to find Nat by checking all her personal data, credit cards, cell phone records, and such.  Have you been to her apartment since she left town?"

"No. Why?"

"Nick!  Don't you think there could be something there that might tell us where she's gone?"

"I don't know about this, Trace."

Tracy turned to face him.  "Listen, you do want to find Nat, don't you?"

"You know I do."  He responded with a determination.

"Okay, then turn this tank around, and let's go."

"Tracy, this is an invasion of Nat's privacy, and we don't have a search warrant.  This could be considered breaking and entering."

"Damn it, Nick!  We haven't been authorized to run the checks we've been doing, but that didn't stop you. And screw Nat's privacy if it brings her home where she belongs.  As far as the breaking and entering, don't you have a key?"

"Yeah."

Tracy let out a deep sigh.  "Okay, then turn this damned turquoise, land boat around.  Let's go to Nat's apartment, and see what we can dig up."

"Trace?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop insulting my car.  This is a classic, a '62 convertible Cadillac.  They don't..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. They don't make them like this any more."  She interrupted, rolling her eyes.

Nick scowled, but did a u-turn in the middle of Yong Street and headed toward Nat's apartment.  He glanced at her to see the cute 'Tracy Vetter' smirk that he'd become so used to.  He smiled at her.  "Thanks, Trace."

She gave him a silly grin.  "Don't mention it, partner."

Neither partner said anything until they were parked in front of Nat's apartment.  Nick opened his door and met Tracy as she stepped out of the car.  He took Tracy by the arm and led her to the front of the building.  "Tracy, I know I've thanked you several times for helping, but I want you to know I really do appreciate everything you're doing. You're a good friend, not just to Nat, but to me too."

"Nick, you would do the same for me. That's what friend's and partners do.  Now come on. Let's see what we can find out about our elusive coroner."

Nick used the key Nat had given him to open the building's front door.  They took the elevator to the third floor, to Nat's apartment. Nick used the second key to unlock the door, reached in and flipped on the light switch.

Tracy stepped inside, took off her coat and threw it across the back of the sofa.  "Why don't I check the bedroom and bath, while you check the living room and office?"  She offered.

"Okay. I still feel a little weird about this, so don't make a mess of things as you search."

Trace put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes.

"Nat's a neat freak, she'll know that someone's been here searching through her things." Nick explained.

"Nick, who cares if we find her?"

"Yeah, I guess your right, but just try to be neat with the search."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Tracy started down the hall, waving her hand.

Nick started going through the large pile of papers and mail on Nat's desk.  Nothing.  He opened the drawers and carefully looked, but still didn't find anything that would give them a clue. 

Suddenly, the computer caught his attention.  He touched the spacebar, and the monitor sprang to life.  Excited, he eased into the chair, and started searching through the programs Nat had installed on the computer's desktop.  If she'd made travel arrangements or contacted a friend to stay with, he just might find the evidence he searched for.  He noticed her mail program, 'Entourage', the same program he used on his own computer.  He clicked on it, and discovered Nat had password protected her email. 

"Damn, Nat!"

He started typing in different passwords, Sydney, Richard, Coroner, even the word Death, but none of them opened her email.  He tried again, Amy, Sarah, Schanke, but still no luck.

"Oh, Nat, you couldn't have been that obvious, could you?" He quietly asked himself.

He typed in Nick, Knight, deBrabant, even 1228, the year he was brought across, but nothing happened.

"Damn!"  He hit the desk with his fist, his frustration causing the vampire to claw for its release.  He looked over his shoulder, and could hear Tracy still opening drawers in the bedroom. He quickly took the small silver flask from his inner coat pocket, and took several swigs of bovine blood before slipping it back into his pocket.  Now wasn't the time for his vampire to surface.  He took a deep breath, willing a self imposed calmness that he had been unaware he still possessed.

'Okay, Nat, so what would be important enough for you to use as your password?'  He stared at the computer screen for some time, his mind totally blank.  He forced himself to think back to their times together and past conversations.   He tried to pick out one event that might give him a clue.  A small smile slid across his face. 

He typed in Vampire--BINGO!  He clicked on her in-box and was surprised to see over 9,000 emails.  He hit the top of the box to shuffle them in order by date received, and started scrolling down the list, starting two weeks before she left town.  Most of them he recognized as medical reports.  There were a few from her sister-in-law and niece, Sarah and Amy. He quickly scanned through those, but nothing revealed a planned visit. He noticed emails and what appeared to be jokes from Grace.  One email address kept appearing--Andrew M @hotmail.com.  He opened one of the emails and began to read.

Dear, Nat.

Just a quick note to let you know I'm thinking about you. You're never far from my thoughts or my heart, dear one.  I hope everything is going well for you.  You've never mentioned who is occupying your life these days.  Should I be jealous?  You know how I am when you're not open and honest with me.  What you and I have is incredible, and I thank the day that you came into my life.  Hope to hear from you soon, love.

Love, A.

Nick felt his stomach muscles tighten.  Who the hell was Andrew M?  It was obvious that Nat and this man were close, but how close?  Why had she never mentioned Andrew to him?

Nick scrolled down until he found another email from Andrew, clicked on it and begin to read.

My Dearest, Nat.

I wish you were here. I'm having a difficult time, and it sure would be nice to have you with me.  I know it's been a long time, but when I stop and think about our times together, it makes me remember the joy you always brought to my life.  Hey, remember the pillow and tickle fights?  Those were the best of times, Nat. Thanks for being the most understanding person I've ever met. I love you dearly.  Hope to hear from you soon. Better yet, why don't you pay me a visit? We could rekindle some of those old times; popcorn, old movies, even the pillow fights. I'll even share my bed with you, just like old times.

I love you, Nat.

Always,
A.

Nick noticed the date and clicked on Nat's sent mail to see if she had responded, but it was completely empty. He clicked on 'deleted mail' and found the same thing; nothing.  She'd dumped all her sent and deleted mail in the trash.

The two emails had arrived within the last month.  Nick felt as if his heart was being torn to shreds.  The emails were personal, and intimate.  Nick had a difficult time comprehending that Nat might be involved with another man.  The mention of Andrew sharing his bed with Nat haunted Nick's thoughts. It wasn't possible.  He would have smelled another man's sex on her if she'd been unfaithful to him, or would he?

Unfaithful?  Nick snorted in disgust. He'd never made a commitment to Nat, so how could he expect her to be faithful?  He'd actually gone to Janette once, so how could he be pissed at Nat for doing the same?  But it was different. Since meeting Nat, he'd never actually made mortal love to Janette. He'd gone to Janette for her blood.  Janette's blood soothed his hunger, and allowed him to be around Nat. He'd felt so guilty afterwards; guilt to Nat for going to another woman, and to Janette, for using her.  He'd never returned to Janette for blood or sex, not wanting to hurt either of the women he loved.

"Nick?  Did you find something?"  When he didn't answer, Tracy walked up behind him and softly touched his shoulder.  "Nick?"

"Damn it, Trace!  She's seeing another man?"

"What?  I don't believe it!  Not Nat!"

"Yes, Nat.  Damn her!  Look for yourself."  He jumped up from the computer as if it were about to attack him. Check out the last month received emails from an AndrewM.

Trace sat down in the vacated desk chair and clicked on the emails he'd mentioned. She read them, and reread them.  "Nick..."

"There's nothing you can say, Trace. There's the proof. It's right there in black and white."

She walked over to where he was pacing the floor, and grabbed his arms, making him stop, and look at her.  "Listen to me, Nick.  I don't know who this AndrewM guy is, but I don't think it's what it looks like."

"Hell, Tracy, he's even offering to share his bed, 'just like old times'.  If that's not a sign of Nat sleeping with this guy, then I don't know what is."

"Nick!  Stop it!  Nat would never do that.  If you would calm down you would realize it.  Nat doesn't play games, and she sure doesn't bed hop.  She's not the type. No matter what you profess, you two did have a relationship, didn't you?"  When he didn't answer, she shook him. "Didn't you?"

He turned his head, and avoided looking at her, but he didn't pull away. That gave Tracy the encouragement she needed to continue. She couldn't believe Nat would ever go to bed with anyone but Nick. She loved the guy too much.  "Answer me, Nick. If you don't level with me, I can't help you.  After all I'm a woman, and I know how women think, and I sure the hell know Nat.  So tell me, were you two intimate?"

He pulled away from her grasp and walked across the room, turning his back to her as he gazed out the window into the dark night.  "Once." His answer was barely audible, but enough for her to hear him.

"Once?  That's all?"

"It was a few weeks ago, just before Nat disappeared.  We had one beautiful, intimate night together.  It was the most important night of my life."

"What happened, Nick?  Why just the one night?"

He didn't look at her, but continued to look out the window.  "It's complicated, Trace, extremely complicated. It wasn't because we don't love each other.  I know she loves me, but I told her I can't give her what she needs."

"Needs or wants, Nick?  They're two different things."

He turned, and looked at her.  "What does it matter?  To me they're the same."

She walked over to him.  "No they're not, Nick.  You may think you can't give her what she needs, but if I know Nat, what she wants is you.  Your love, your commitment to her."

"Damn it, don't you see?  I can't give her what she wants, but evidently this Andrew can."

"Are you sure; one hundred percent sure?  Because, let me tell you, Nick, I'm not. I don't know who this guy is, but I can bet you that email is not what it appears to be.  If you slept with Nat just a few weeks ago, and she took off shortly after, then she hasn't slept with this guy. The emails came in before she left. I don't know what his 'bed sharing' comment means, but I would bet my life it wasn't about sex."

He took a long and hard look at her, trying to see if she was being honest or just trying to make him feel better. 

 "I'm telling you the truth, Nick. I believe it with all my heart." Tracey grabbed his sleeve.  "Come on. Somewhere around this place there has to be more info on this mysterious Mr. Andrew, so help me search." She pulled him back toward Nat's office.   "Look for envelopes with perhaps his name and address.  If this guy is close enough to Nat for them to have pillow and tickle fights, then I'll bet a weeks salary he's close enough to send her cards or letters."

"Tracy, I'm not sure I want to find any more letters from this guy."

"Well, I do, I don't believe everything I see. You should know that from being such a damn good detective.  Usually what appears to be facts aren't the facts at all.  Now start searching."

Mentally, Nick knew she was right, but emotionally he felt drained. He was scared what secrets he would uncover if he did discover more correspondences from this mystery man. 

"Hey, Jack Pot!  Well, well, well. Now isn't this interesting? It appears our Mr. Andrew is Andrew Murphy who just happens to live in Buffalo." She held up a large envelope.  Before Nick could stop her, she'd pulled the card from its envelope and started to read it aloud.

"Thinking of you."  She opened the card and continued.  "Though miles may separate us, our hearts are forever entwined.  Our paths crossed many years ago, but our lives will travel together until the end of time."  She arched a brow and continued to read Andrew's personal addition.  "Nat, saw this card and it reminded me of you, of us.  Thanks for always being there and loving me unconditionally, as I do you.  Forever, Andrew."

"Well that certainly didn't clear up any misunderstandings, did it?" He smirked.

"No, but I still don't believe this is from a lover.  But we've got more than we had before."

"And what is that?"

She waved the envelope under his nose.  "A person who no one knows about, not even you.  He lives in Buffalo, New York; a place where if Nat wants to disappear, she can, because no one knows about this guy.  My instinct tells me that's where you'll find her."

"She doesn't want to be found, and after finding all of this," he motioned around the office, "I'm not sure I want to find her."

"God, get over it Knight!  Do you love her?"

"That's an unfair question, Tracy.  I do, you know I do, but after..."

"After nothing, Nick! Damn you! She wouldn't have left if you hadn't pushed her away, assuming you knew what was best for her, and not listening to what she wanted and desired!"  Tracy was practically screaming at him. She hit him in the chest with the envelope.  "Just how much do you love her?  Perhaps not enough?"

He glared at her.  "I've never loved anyone or anything as much as I love Nat."

"Then prove it, go find her.  If she does happen to be with this Andrew guy, then fight for her.  Tell him to get lost, that Nat's your woman. Tell Nat you love her, and you want to make her an honest woman.  Don't take no for an answer. And don't forget to get down on one knee when you profess your love to her, and ask her to marry you."

"You seem sure that this is what Nat would want.  I know her well, and she doesn't like to be ordered around."

"You're not ordering her.  You're fighting for your lady, your love.  Hey, regardless of what they say, chivalry is not dead.  Women love the knight in shining armor rescuing them.  It makes them feel special, cherished. Trust me on this one, Knight.  You charge up to Buffalo, claim her as yours forever, and bring her home.  She'll melt faster than a stick of butter on a Miami street in July."

He threw his head back and laughed.  "God, Trace, where do you get these weird analogies?"

She playfully swatted him on the arm.  "I don't know, that one just sort of slipped out, but it made you laugh."

He pulled her into his arms and hugged her.  "Yeah it did.  I hope you're right about this. What if she's not there?"

"We'll deal with that when and if it happens."  She pushed away from his chest and looked at him.  "Nick, whatever you do, don't ever doubt Nat's love and devotion to you.  I don't know what's going on, but I know she's madly in love with you, only you.  A woman can see these things, especially in her best friend.  Please remember that, no matter what you find in Buffalo.  And remember appearances are usually not what they appear to be on the surface. You taught me that."

He pulled her toward him and kissed her forehead.  "Yeah, I did, didn't I?  Okay, I promise, Trace.  Come on, let's get out of here."

"So when are you leaving for New York?"

"Tomorrow night, I have something to take care of here before I bring Nat home."

She arched a brow, waiting for him to elaborate.

Nick knew he needed to give her an answer, even if it weren't the entire truth.  "There's a few things here in Toronto that's made it difficult for Nat and me to be together. I want to see if I can change it before I go and try to bring her home. If she'll give me another chance, I don't want any more obstacles threatening to keep us a part."

"That's all you're going to tell me?"

"Yep."

"Okay, I can live with that answer.  You better not screw this up, Knight, or I'll have to kill you."

"Deal.  And Trace, I'll do everything in my power to find her, and bring her home with me."

"I know you will."  She patted him on the chest, and turned to leave.  Nick clicked off the lights, and locked the door.  He still didn't know what he would say to LaCroix, but somehow he would get his master to release the old debt.  After dropping Tracy back at the station, he planned a visit to the Raven.  It was going to be a long night, perhaps the longest and most difficult night of his eternal life.





***CHAPTER SIX***


On the drive back to the precinct, Nick and Tracy remained silent.  Tracy watched the falling snow as they drove through the city.  She hoped the weather wouldn't prevent Nick's trip to Buffalo.  Nick seemed to be lost in thought, but she understood.  She knew he was deeply disturbed about Nat and this Andrew guy.  She hoped her instincts were right about nothing going on between Nat and this man.  Christmas was only days away, and bringing Nat home would be the best Christmas present Nick could receive.

"So, when are you going to smooth out those things you mentioned earlier?"  Tracy asked.

"As soon as I drop you off at the station."  He picked up his cell phone and dialed the captain's direct number.

"Captain Reese, here."  Nick heard Joe's voice answer the phone. The captain's tone sounded irritated, and distracted.  Nick could hear papers being shuffled, and someone in the background asking Joe a question.

"Captain, Knight here.  Listen, we may have found a lead on Nat. I need to take some time off.  I'm leaving town. Actually I'm leaving the country. We think she's in New York."

"Are you sure, Knight?"  Joe suddenly seemed alert with the news.

Nick glanced at Tracy.  "We discovered the address of a friend no one knew about, not even me.  Tracy is convinced that's where Nat would go, for that very reason."

"I hope Tracy's hunch pays off.  How much time do you need?"

"To be honest, Cap, I'm not sure.  I know it's getting near the Christmas vacation time, and people already have their time logged off. How about a week?"

"Nick, take the week. If you need longer, just let me know.  I'll figure out something to cover your shifts. I'll write this one up as a family emergency."  He chuckled.

Nick smiled.  "Thanks, Cap.  I appreciate your help.  I'm booking off for the rest of the night after I drop Tracy by the station.  I have a few things to do here in Toronto before I leave tomorrow night for Buffalo.  Remember, Cap, don't let anyone know we have a lead.  I don't want Nat getting word, and bolting to God knows where."

"I won't tell anyone.  Just bring her home, and get a damn wedding ring on her finger, will you?"

"If she'll have me, I plan to do just that." He grinned and winked at Tracy even though he still had doubts about finding her with Andrew.  "I'll stay in touch with Trace while I'm gone. She can keep you informed."

"Good luck, Nick.  I hope this has a happy ending."

"Thanks, Joe, me too."  He clicked off his cell phone.  There were obstacles other than finding and bringing her home.  Somehow he had to not only convince LaCroix to release his debt, but ask for his protection from the Enforcers.  The Elders wouldn't approve of his involvement with Nat, and they could possibly order the Enforcers to kill Nat and him.  Maybe he should let Nat go.  Maybe it wasn't even possible to have a relationship with her.  She would be better off to finally be free of vampires and all the complications.

"Nick?'  When he didn't respond Tracy smacked his arm again.  She'd lost track of how many times she'd hit him tonight.  "Nick!"

"Yeah?"

"Please tell me you're not still having doubts about going after Nat." She felt her anger rise when he didn't answer.  "Listen to me, anything worth having in life is worth fighting for, and you know without me telling you that Nat is worth a fight.  I still don't know who this Andrew is or what obstacles have kept the two of you apart, but you said you loved her more than anything.  If I knew a guy loved me like that, nothing could keep me from being with him.  Nothing!  Do you hear me?"

"I hear you Trace." 

"Can you honestly live the rest of your life without her, without ever seeing her, touching her, loving her?  Do you want to?"

Tracy's last question caused his cold dead body to feel as if it were being sliced apart.  The fear of never seeing Nat or holding her in his arms again was too much to comprehend. No, if that happened he didn't want to live, to go on without her.  Walking into the morning sun would be the only way to end the pain of losing her.  As much as he hated the dark hell he lived, his mortal religious beliefs had, in the past, prevented him from considering suicide.  His soul might be damned, but if there was a chance for full redemption, he didn't plan on committing the ultimate sin.  However, if he didn't have Nat in his life, then what would it matter?  His life would be worthless, and so would any redemption or lingering part of his soul that might still exist.  He just didn't care what happened to his damned sorry soul if he lost Nat.

"Nick?"  Tracy's tone was gentler.  "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. I just want Nat back, to be a part of my life.  I love her so damned much, Trace.  She's my life. Without her I can't go on.  I don't want to go on." 

His voice was barely above a whisper, and his words frightened her.  "Nick, after you drop me at the station, why don't you stop by a church, perhaps say a prayer.  Ask God to give you strength.  Remember...faith."

"Faith." He could almost hear Nat say the word.  She really believed that love and faith were all that anyone needed to get through the worst of times.  Perhaps a visit to St. Michael's Church and a prayer would help.  What did he have to lose?

Nick pulled the Caddie next to Tracy's car in front of the precinct.  "Listen, Trace, thanks for everything." He grinned.  "Especially, the butt kicking sessions you've successfully dished out tonight."

"So, did they help?"

"Yes, they did.  I'm even going to stop by St. Michael's and say a prayer."  He grinned.

Tracy gave him a big smile, reached over and hugged his neck.  "Faith." She whispered in his ear, and kissed his cheek.  She didn't say anything, as she stepped out of the car.  Nick grabbed his ice scraper and hurried over to clear her car's windows of the blanketed snow.

"Thanks, Nick."

He smiled. "It's the least I can do after all you've done to help me."

She returned his smile.  "Nick, keep your cell phone charged and turned on, just in case I need to get in touch with you.  I'll do the same.  If I hear anything more, I'll call you.  I plan on doing a security check on our mystery guy, Andrew Murphy.  I'll let you know if I find anything."

"Thanks, Trace."  She opened her car door and got in.  Nick waited until she was safely in her car, and drove away.  He got back in his own car, drove out of the precinct parking lot, and headed toward St. Michael's church. 

Nick's brain raced from one thought to another.  After carefully considering Tracy's comments, and analyzing his feelings for Nat, he realized that she was right.  He would do anything to be with Nat.  'Faith'.  He had to believe Nat still loved him, and this relationship with Andrew wasn't what it appeared to be.

Nick turned into the church parking lot and parked the car.  He turned off the engine, and sat still. The scene in front of him was peaceful.  The snow had started several hours ago, the ground already covered in a thick blanket of white. The large flakes of snow drifting to the ground mesmerized him as he heard the church bells chiming midnight. 

He got out of the car and started walking toward the church.  He recalled how uncomfortable he had been spending an entire day inside, just over a year ago, during a stake out.  Nat had been so worried about him, but he'd managed, with 'faith', and Nat's belief.  Later, he'd held a cross for the first time without it burning his flesh, something most vampires couldn't do. Even the 2000 year old LaCroix couldn't tolerate religious icons or places. 

'Faith.'  He had to believe now, more than ever, and trust in the love he had for Nat.  He took a few more steps closer to the church, looked up at the tall steeple, at the cross that adorned the peak.  "God, have mercy, I beg of you. Help me."  Nick made the sign of the cross over his chest, took a deep breath before slowly walking up the stairs, and through the large, heavy, wooden doors.

Nick felt relieved to find the church entirely empty, which he thought unusual this close to Christmas, even at this hour.  Memories flooded his thoughts of Schanke, his dead partner, who had died a year ago in the airplane crash caused by the bomb explosion.  The last time here, inside this church, he's been with Schanke on the stake out. So much had changed since then.  'Schank, I wish you were here now.  Somehow I know you could help me fix this.'

Nick started to walk down the aisle to the front altar.  Suddenly, he became aware that the feelings of anxiety and impending dread he'd felt a year earlier weren't as intense as he remembered.  'Faith'.  He repeated in his thoughts.  He made the sign of the cross, and lit a candle.  He dismissed the modern tradition, and kneeled at the front altar, and began to pray.  "Dear Lord, our heavenly father..." He took a deep breath. It had been centuries since he'd actually prayed in a church.  The last time he could remember praying, Joan of Arc burned at the stake.  He realized he didn't know what to say. The modern Catholic Church had changed from what he remembered before becoming a vampire. 

What am I doing here?   God, will you even hear my prayers? He silently thought the words.  All of his fears of losing Nat, of not working out their differences, of not being able to protect her from the dangers, flooded his body.  He felt his chest tighten, and if his cold, dead heart could burst, he thought it would.  His eyes began to sting with the threat of blood tears.

Nick looked up at the statue of the Virgin Mary, and reverently bowed his head.  He shut his eyes and began a silent prayer.  God, I don't know if you can hear me or if you want to.  I know I'm no longer a creature of yours, but I truly wish I still were.  I'm so sorry for all of my sins.  I know it's selfish, and I can't imagine you want Natalie to be a part of my life, but if you have any mercy at all, please let me find her.  Even if she won't come home, just let me make sure she's safe.  Please, God, keep her safe...and...let her truly be happy.  Please, I beg of you, give her peace and happiness for the rest of her days, even if it doesn't include me.  Amen.

Nick stood and again made the sign of the cross.  Immediately, all the fears he'd felt evaporated.  He took a few moments to look at the beautiful interior, the statues, and altar cross.  His surroundings brought an inner serenity to him.  He couldn't remember when he'd felt so at peace.  Perhaps it was a sign, a sign from God that everything would work out.  Whatever had caused him to feel this way, he now knew he was ready for that trip to the Raven.  There were still several hours before sunrise, plenty of time to pay a visit to LaCroix.  'Faith'. 




***CHAPTER SEVEN***


Nick parked his car in front of the Raven, and hesitated before going inside.  What could he to say to his master, his so-called father?  He felt anger rush through his entire body.  "Father." He said the word aloud, sarcastically.  What kind of father would deny his son the freedom to claim the woman he loved?  'Master.' That's what LaCroix was, and he never failed to prove it. 

From, the beginning, LaCroix had tried to change him, mold him into what he considered to be a 'proper' vampire, a ruthless killing machine.  As a new vampire, Nick's blood lust had been so great, that he couldn't control it.  LaCroix didn't teach him how to control the hunger.  He'd fed Nick human blood, then starved him until Nick willingly drained his first victim.  Once Nick tasted warm blood fresh from the vein, he'd gone on a killing spree. After a few deaths, it didn't seem to matter how many Nick killed because he felt condemned, his soul eternally lost.

Nick now knew LaCroix could have helped him with leashing his Beast, but instead he'd enjoyed seeing Nick kill.  The hunger, and desire for the blood was an addiction that Nick couldn't deny.  It had taken almost seven hundred years for him to gain enough control to switch to the bland, bovine blood. Now, the occasional human blood he drank was donated. His biggest struggle was still the addiction to drink human, to experience the emotions and a person's life.  He was determined not to consume human for his main diet, it was too addictive, and drinking human strengthened the desire to hunt.  That was dangerous, for him and any mortals he might encounter, including Natalie.

LaCroix constantly berated Nick about his choice of substance, calling the bovine 'that awful swill', but for Nick it meant he could live and work among humans, without the constant desire to drain them.  He'd discovered almost a century ago that by sticking to mostly bovine he could lead a somewhat normal life, the closest to a mortal existence since becoming a vampire. 

He hated LaCroix for locking him into this cold, dead world of darkness.  If only he'd realized the hell of an existence he'd be trapped in for eternity, he wouldn't have chosen this path.  But if he weren't a vampire and immortal, he wouldn't have lived long enough to find Nat.  For that he should thank LaCroix, but what did it matter if LaCroix refused to release him to love her?

Nick could feel, through their blood-bond, that LaCroix was inside the club.  LaCroix hadn't called to him through their link, but waited patiently for Nick to approach.  Nick wondered if he'd made a mistake by not shutting down their shared link for the past few weeks, but he would soon know.  Ever since Natalie left town he'd been too distracted to think about cutting off their mental and emotional connection.

Nick got out of the car, and started to walk toward the Raven.  He still didn't know what he would say to LaCroix, but he knew he couldn't lose his temper and let this turn into a physical confrontation.  Recently, their relationship had improved.  Nick felt it due to his recent demonic possession, and another incident where Nick had saved LaCroix's life.

During the possession, Nat had walked into the room, unaware of the danger.  LaCroix actually stopped Nick's demon-possessed body from choking Nat.  LaCroix talked to Nick, and told him he didn't want to harm her, reminding Nick she was his friend.  By that time Nat realized what was happening, and started talking to Nick as well. Together, LaCroix and Nat had broken through to Nick's conscious mind, allowing the priest to exorcise the demon back to hell.

At the time, Nick wondered why LaCroix stopped him from harming Nat, since his master disapproved of Nick's friendship with the coroner.  But now, after careful consideration, Nick understood LaCroix's actions.  LaCroix knew if any harm ever came to Nat, particularly by Nick's own hands,  it would destroy his son.  This realization started an idea to form in Nick's mind.

Shortly after the demonic possession, Divia, LaCroix's once mortal daughter, and later, vampire sire, reappeared in Toronto after 2000 years.  Determined to kill everyone close to LaCroix, Divia's revenge had been fueled by LaCroix's attempt to destroy her centuries ago.  Her evil had been more than even LaCroix could tolerate. Somehow Divia survived LaCroix beheading and entrapping her in the ancient, Egyptian tomb.  A modern day archeologist unknowingly released Divia from the centuries old grave, and paid with his life. Divia beheaded the archeologist, and left his head in the Raven's bar refrigerator; a sign to LaCroix that she had survived, and would repay him for his actions.

The archeologist's death had been just the beginning.  To get LaCroix's attention, Divia later killed Vachon and Urs, two vampire regulars at the Raven.  Nick wondered how many others Divia killed during her Toronto rampage.  She'd even attacked Nick, leaving him for dead. LaCroix believed Nick survived the attack because Nick still possessed his humanity, his soul, and faith. Nick, knowing Divia would go after LaCroix, rushed to the Raven where he'd prevented Divia from killing LaCroix. For the first time in 800 years, LaCroix told Nick he was thankful Nick still maintained his humanity.  That single incident had been the main turning point of change in their recent relationship. 

Since Divia's destruction, Nick felt closer to LaCroix.  He hoped they could continue to build a father and son bond. Nick knew it wishful thinking on his part, but somehow LaCroix seemed different.  Tonight would be the true test, to see just how much their relationship had changed.

Nick took a deep breath, opened the door to the Raven and walked inside.  Loud music assaulted his sensitive ears; the stinging, smoke drifted up his nose and settled in his eyes, causing him to concentrate on not releasing the vampire.  Even after 800 years his extra sharp senses tended to be easily stimulated, stirring the vampire that always lay dormant within the man.

Nick paused at the top of the stairs, surveying the crowd, noting tonight's patrons were more vampire than mortal.  He removed his sunglasses.  Most mortals assumed he wore the shades at night as a fashion statement, but they actually helped to protect his sensitive eyes from the harsh city and traffic lights.  He tucked the glasses into his black, leather duster's inner pocket, and walked down the steps.

A female vampire noticed Nick's arrival, and cut a direct path through the crowd to approach him.  Her black leather, skin-tight, mini skirt barely covered her ass, and the red silk halter-top left little to the imagination.  Her stiletto heeled feet glided across the dance floor stopping directly in front of him. She gave him a raw sexual look, one that left little doubt as to what she wanted.

Nick could tell she was a fledgling, having not lived more than about thirty years as a vampire.  He smiled at the unknown vampiress, his boyish grin enhancing his natural charisma. 

"Looking for someone to spend time with, Blondie?"  She purred as her hand stroked down his neck and stopped in the middle of his chest.  Before he could answer, her hand continued a lower path.

Nick caught her wrist, brought her hand to his lips, and kissed her smooth, perfumed skin.  He locked eyes with hers.  "Not that the offer isn't a pleasant one, but I'm not here looking for someone to spend time with.  I'm here on business."  He kissed her hand again before releasing it, and walked around her toward the bar.  He wasn't in the mood to deal with prowling females, but he hadn't wanted to be rude to the young vampiress.  One thing he had learned a long time ago, never piss off a female, especially a female vampire.  Several past incidents with Janette flashed through his perfect memory, causing a slight smile.

Vince, LaCroix's main bartender, glanced at Nick as he poured blood-wine, and sat the glass in front of a vampire patron.  He slowly wiped the bar top with a towel as he walked to the end of the bar where Nick stood. "Your usual?" Vince arched a brow, his face twisting into a frown of disgust at Nick's choice of drink.

"Yes, the usual, please." Nick responded, ignoring Vince's display of aversion.

Vince opened the small fridge that held special customer's private choices, and pulled out a bottle of marked bovine blood.  He poured Nick a glass, setting the bottle and glass in front of him.  "I don't know how you drink that shit, Knight.  There's no life in it, no power."

Nick picked up the glass, took a sip, and gave Vince a cocky, crooked smile.  "It's an acquired taste, one I prefer."

Vince gave a half snort of disapproval, and walked to the other end of the bar to take care of newly arrived customers.

Nick continued to sip his bovine, while letting his blood bond seek out LaCroix.  He could feel LaCroix, but even with close inspection he couldn't feel what temperament he would be greeted with.  Just as Nick finished his drink, he felt his father's presence.  He poured another drink, quickly downed the entire glass, and refilled it again.  He turned to see LaCroix walking toward him.  As usual, LaCroix's stoic face didn't reveal anything, but his icy blue eyes were firmly locked on Nick's.

Nick took another sip of his bovine, and moved to meet LaCroix. He leaned close to his master.  "Can we talk, in private?"  Nick whispered, careful no one but LaCroix heard his request.

Silently, LaCroix turned and headed toward the back, private rooms.  Neither man spoke as they walked through the heavily draped opening, and into the long hallway, turning the corner, going up the stairs to LaCroix's private quarters.  Once there, LaCroix opened the door, stepped back, and motioned for Nick to enter before him.

Nick startled with his father's gesture. It had almost been polite.  Usually his father led, expecting Nick to follow.  LaCroix followed Nick into the room. Instead of his customary way of sitting behind his desk, LaCroix walked across the room, poured himself a drink, and sat on the sofa by the lit fireplace. LaCroix crossed his long legs, his fingers lightly tugged at the knee of his immaculate, creased trousers.  He brushed away a few stands of lint with the back of his hand before looking at Nick.

"Have a seat, Nicholas.  Enjoy your drink.  And do tell, what brings you to my establishment this cold winter night?  Is it my company or something else that I might do for you?"  LaCroix tasted his drink, and waited.

Nick sat down in the chair opposite LaCroix.  He took a sip from his own glass, finding it difficult to swallow, his throat tight with anxiety.  He willed himself to relax, and took another drink before answering his father.

"We need to talk."

"About what, my son?"

Nick had an idea LaCroix knew what he wished to discuss, but he also knew LaCroix wouldn't make it easy for him; that wasn't LaCroix's style. "About a very old bargain."

LaCroix raised the glass to his lips, his eyes never left his son.  He sat his glass on the side table, and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his fingers interlocked, bracing his chin.  "And which bargain would that be?"

Nick hated the mind games his father so enjoyed.  But he would play the game.  He wouldn't lose his temper.  "You know which one. The one made 800 years ago.  I'll come right to the point and be honest with you.  What can I do to persuade you to release me from a bargain made in haste, and without thought of the future?"

LaCroix sat back, and leaned into the sofa cushions, but his cold eyes never broke their connection with Nick.  "Why would you want me to dismiss a bargain that was meant to repay me for my loss?"

Nick looked directly at LaCroix.  "Because you are my father, and I am your son.  A father should always do what is best for the son, no matter if the father agrees with the son's choice or not."

"I see." LaCroix arched a brow.  "And just what might be best for this son who wishes to be free of repayment?"

"No more games, LaCroix!"  Nick sat his glass on the side table, and jumped from his chair.  He started to pace the length of the sofa.

"Sit, Nicholas!"  LaCroix's voice was cold and commanding.

Nick stopped.  He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and dropped back down in the chair.

"Nicholas, I've felt your turmoil these last weeks.  I know it concerns your good doctor friend."

'Damn, he knows, probably knows all.' Nick thought.  Honesty.  Faith.  He had to have hope.  "If you know it concerns Natalie, then you know everything, LaCroix.  I won't deny it any longer.  I love her.  I've never loved another like I love her.  She is my life, and without her I don't care if I live to see another night."

"Oh, such passion.  Your heart has truly been touched."

Nick looked at his father, not knowing what else he could say.  "Yes, it's been touched as it never has before, nor will be again.  I need her to survive.  She fills me with peace, and taught me faith, hope, and love."

"And what hope is that, my son?"

"That perhaps with her in my life, I can be content with this existence."

"And what of my existence?  Do you not think that I have felt empty for 800 years?  I gave up your sister at your request.  You promised me your one true mortal love, and I believe that is Dr. Lambert."

"LaCroix, I'm thankful you didn't take my sister as your own. She would never have survived the transition."

"Ahhh, but that is your opinion. She knew what we were, and was willing to join us for an eternity. If I had not granted your request, then my true love would be beside me today.  Why should I give her up, but allow you your love?"

"LaCroix, she would never have survived a week as a vampire.  Think back...remember.  That night in the garden when Fleur pricked her finger on the rose thorn, you kissed it, and tasted her blood.  Yes, I saw you taste her blood. It was but one drop, but remember, I beg of you.  Fleur was a gentle soul, scholarly, but gentle.  She couldn't harm a butterfly, yet you think she could have survived as a vampire, killing humans to survive?  No, it would have destroyed her." 

Nick paused hoping his words were recalling that long ago night.  "Fleur was a vegetarian. But you didn't know that did you?  When she was a child, she witnessed the Autumn pig slaughter.  From that day forward she wouldn't eat meat, nor fish.  Did you not see that in her blood?  I beg of you, LaCroix, remember what you saw in her blood, and do what is right."

For the first time since Nick's arrival, LaCroix dropped his eyes to the floor.  Nick hoped that somewhere in LaCroix's perfect vampire memory he would recall the truth.  "LaCroix, she would have died from starvation.  She would not kill, nor allow you to feed her from harvested blood, not even animal.  I'm sorry for your loss, and there's a part of me that wishes Fleur was here today, to be a part of both our lives, but it wasn't meant to be.  If you had taken her by force, she would have starved until she went mad or gone on a killing spree.  I knew my sister well. Once she realized what she'd done, she would have destroyed herself.  There's nothing you could have done to save her."

"And now for this, you want me to dismiss our bargain?"

"Partly, but there's more.  Fleur did love you.  She wouldn't approve of such a bargain. How do you think she would react to this demand you insist from her brother?  Do you think she would still love you knowing how you are using her life against mine?  Can't you let the pain go, and accept what was never meant to be?  It wasn't her destiny to become a vampire, to become a killer, to live an eternity."

LaCroix's eyes again locked with Nicks, still not revealing any emotions other than regret.  Nick didn't know if he was making progress in changing his father's mind, but he had to continue trying.  "I'm your son, LaCroix.  From the beginning you've told me you love me as if I were your flesh.  You've claimed me for 800 years as your blood son.  All I'm asking from you is to show me your love, for once in this eternal relationship.  You have the power to make my existence brighter, to allow me to love the one woman who has touched not only my heart, but my soul."

"And how do you plan to love a mortal, Nicholas?  You know that is not permanently possible. Sooner or later she will be destroyed at your hands, or you'll bring her across.  Will you make her into the same thing you profess to hate so much?"

"I will not lie to you, LaCroix.  I don't know, but somehow Nat and I will work it out. She's taught me that anything is possible through love and faith.  I haven't asked her, but I strongly believe if given the choice, she would join my world if it were the only way for us to be together.  At one time I would never have considered bringing her into this darkness, but with her by my side through eternity, somehow eternity doesn't seem like hell. With Natalie beside me, the darkness would once again radiate with light. But it has to be her decision.  Nat knows so much more than Fleur ever did about vampires.  She wouldn't be entering this world blindly."

"And if she refuses to join our world?"

"Then my life is forfeited to destiny, because without her I chose not to live."

LaCroix sat quietly, studying his son.  "You would destroy yourself over this mortal woman?"

Nick didn't hesitate with his response.  "Yes.  No matter how much I hate this life, I've never considered suicide, not before meeting Natalie.   But, without her in my life, I have no life.  Nothing matters without Nat, not even my condemned soul, if I still have one."  Nick rubbed the back of his neck several times, before dropping his hand at his side in defeat.  "I always thought suicide would condemn what soul I had left, if there was one." He chuckled.  "Imagine a vampire who is worried about condemning his soul to hell, when he's already condemned."

For the first time LaCroix's face softened.  The right side of his upper lip curled in a half smile.  "Only you, Nicholas, only you."

Nick allowed himself to relax a bit.  "It's who I am, LaCroix.  I've been completely open with you tonight. If you need further proof, I'll allow you to take my blood."

LaCroix froze. His eyebrows knitted together, as his forehead wrinkled. 

Nick noticed the surprised look on LaCroix's face at his offer.  He knew his father enjoyed sharing their blood. The blood sharing reconnected their bond, making it stronger.  It allowed LaCroix to more easily spy on Nick's thoughts and emotions.  It had been several weeks since his father had shared blood with Nick.  The last time being when Nick was shot in the head. His father's blood had healed him faster than regular blood, but during the exchange Nick's most private thoughts and feelings had been exposed to LaCroix.  Nick knew that incident had allowed LaCroix to see his true feelings for Natalie.  The longer the time between blood sharing the less intense the bond. Nick didn't want to do this, but if it allowed LaCroix to know he spoke the truth, then he would sacrifice his privacy.  Nick held his breath, waiting for his father's response.

"No, that won't be necessary, Nicholas.  I owe you, my son."

Nick gave him a questioning look.

"Your mortal love's life in exchange for saving my own life, not once but twice.  I haven't forgotten the time, many centuries ago, that you pulled the stake from my wounded heart.  Recently, again, you saved me, this time from Divia.  When we shared blood after the gunshot wound to your head, I saw many things.  We cannot deny what we are or how we feel. Blood doesn't lie. Though I've treated you unfairly through time, you are always there when I need you, Nicholas.  You love me as I do you."

Nick couldn't believe what he'd just heard his father admit. 

LaCroix stood and walked to his son.  "Go, find your Natalie. And if you can, bring her home. I release you from the bargain, my son.  I wish you luck."

Nick gave him a surprised look.

"I know all about Natalie's departure from Toronto.  Nicholas, we have no secrets."

"You knew the reason for my visit before I arrived?"

"Of course, you are my son."

Nick stood.  "Are you being totally honest with me?  Is the bargain truly forever void?"

"Forever.  I will not harm Natalie Lambert.  If she chooses to return with you, she will be under my protection.  If you do indeed succeed in having a relationship with her, then she will be family."

Nick couldn't believe what he'd just heard.  This was more than he'd ever considered possible.  LaCroix had even offered Nat's protection without him asking.  Nick pulled LaCroix into a firm embrace.  "Thank you, father.  Thank you for releasing me, and allowing me to seek what happiness I can."

LaCroix returned the embrace.  He reluctantly pushed his son out of his arms. "Perhaps I can help further."

"How?"

LaCroix looked at him.  "There is knowledge that I can share with you that might help this situation."  LaCroix unbuttoned his shirtsleeve and offered his wrist to Nick.

Nick couldn't help the suspicious look he gave his father. He wondered if this might be a new game his sire was playing.

As if LaCroix knew his thoughts, he answered.  "There is knowledge in my blood, Nicholas.  I haven't taught you everything I know.  Perhaps I should have before now."

Nick thought he heard regret in LaCroix's voice.  "Take my blood and gain what you need."

Nick felt undecided about taking LaCroix's blood.  He constantly tried to distance the bond he had with his father, but if LaCroix truly wished to improve their relationship, and share knowledge, he would be a fool to turn down the gift.

"Nicholas, I speak the truth.  If you find your Natalie, this knowledge will help you with whatever decisions you must make.  I know you don't like the close connection I have with you when I take your blood.  That is why I refused your offer.  Take my blood as a gift.  You know when blood is taken one way between vampires it's the receiver who benefits, not the giver.

Nick stepped toward his sire.  Neither man spoke as each searched the others eyes.  Nick opened his bond with his father and instantly felt warm emotions, no trace of malice.  He took LaCroix's wrist.  "I'm going to trust you, LaCroix.  I may regret this, but I sincerely hope not."  Nick slowly bit into his father's wrist, and drank deeply.  He saw what LaCroix wanted him to see.  He could feel his father still holding back some things, perhaps from habit.  Nick retracted his fangs from LaCroix's wrist, lapping the last droplets of blood from the wound in a show of appreciation.  After what his father shared, he wouldn't be impersonal with the taking of his blood.

"Why now, LaCroix."  Nick truly didn't know why his sire had changed.

LaCroix rolled down his sleeve and buttoned it.  "Perhaps I grow weary with our relationship, and hope it can be improved."

"You truly want this?" Nick felt hopeful that things could change between them.

"Nicholas, you tasted my blood."

"I can't promise you anything, LaCroix, but I can try if you do."

"Fair enough, Nicholas."  His lips curled up in his familiar half smile.  "If you need further help, you know how to contact me."

Nick smiled.  "Thank you."  He walked to the door, pausing with his hand on the doorknob.   "And LaCroix?"

"Yes, Nicholas?"

"Not only are you my father, you're my oldest friend."

Before LaCroix could say anything Nicholas left the room.  Nick's heart felt truly lighter than it had in centuries.  Not only was he free to find and love Natalie, but also for the first time in 800 years, he truly did feel as if LaCroix was his father.




***CHAPTER EIGHT***


Nick parked the Caddie in the circle drive in front of the old, Victoria Inn.  When he'd discovered the possibility of Nat being in Buffalo he'd immediately booked a room at the inn.  The white ornate establishment looked as if it were trapped in time from a gentler day.  The wide veranda wrapped from one side of the building, across the front entrance, and to the other side. During warmer months, he knew large, lush ferns would be hanging from swinging baskets, strategically placed around the veranda's porch, and white rocking chairs would hold dark green velvet cushions. He had visited the establishment many times when in the area, always pleased to see nothing had changed in over one hundred years.  Nick could remember first visiting this establishment in the late 1800s, when ladies with long white dresses graced the entrance.  Such carefree, casual days were gone, replaced by the fast paced world of modern day technology. 

He'd enjoyed his visit in 1898, when Victoria DeLong, an old mortal friend who was long dead, had owned the establishment. Victoria was an accomplished concert pianist in her day.  But by the time they'd become friends, she'd retired from her profession, and opened the hotel to spend her remaining days entertaining for its patrons.  Nick remembered how people would come to stay a day or two just to be able to hear her musical magic.

Nick closed his eyes.  He could almost see Victoria sitting in front of the large window, her long, white hair twisted in a bun atop her head, her pale fingers gliding across the piano keys as the notes of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata filled the night air. He mused at how that one piece of music seemed to always play an important roll in his life.  It had been the first song he'd played for Natalie during her first visit to his loft.

Nick was startled from his reminiscing by the smell of roses.  "Follow your heart, Nicholas, or you shall never be happy or live your destiny." His eyes flew open, expecting to see Victoria sitting beside him.  The words had sounded so real, just as she had spoken them many times over a century ago. The scent of rose water the same as she'd worn. He was disappointed when the harsh reality of the cold winter night crashed his pleasant memories.  The experience had been so vivid; it seemed real. 

"Oh, Victoria, I do hope you're right, my old friend."  He hoped wherever her soul might be, she knew he'd never forgotten her or the many times they'd spent at the piano, playing duets, and laughing until dawn.  He'd never shared his secret that he was a vampire, and she'd never pried into his private life. 

The last time he'd seen Victoria, they'd played the piano until the wee hours of the morning, then sat on the veranda sipping drinks and talking about life in general. Victoria had looked at him and taken his hand in hers.  'You have such a sad soul, Nicholas.  But one day you shall find what you seek, and with it find the light of your heart.' Her words were forever etched upon his memory. 

Yes, he'd found that light, but it wasn't what he thought it would be.  Nat.  He'd wanted mortality, forgiveness, to walk in the sun again, but with loving Nat, he'd found so much more.  With Nat in his life, it didn't matter that he was an undead creature of the night.  Nat made him feel alive, and her very existence brought more light into his life than the sun ever could.

He took a rare deep breath, and released it.  He felt some of the anxiety slip away, but his nerves were still on edge.  What would he say if he found Nat here in Buffalo, with this Andrew?  He was still unsure about tracking her down, but he had to try to salvage what he could of their relationship.  He hoped it wasn't already too late to make amends for his lack of commitment. He hoped she would understand how much he cared for her...loved her.  After all, hadn't he spent almost two weeks searching for her?  Had it been only a month since they'd made love?  It seemed like an eternity.  Every detail of that special night was forever etched in his perfect memory.  God, he'd been a fool for not trying to continue the relationship with her.  She would just have to realize he'd been a complete ass to push her away; that he'd done so trying to protect her, that he'd done it because he loved her, more than life.

The valet parking attendant greeted Nick.

"Welcome to the Victoria.  May I park your car, sir?"

"That won't be necessary.  I'll be leaving as soon as I check in. I do need my bags from the trunk delivered to my room."  Nick gave the car keys to the young man. 

After checking in and making sure his bags would be taken to his room, Nick exited out the front door, where the attendant gave him his car keys.  Nick got back into his car, picked up the card Andrew had sent Nat, and read the address. He knew the city from his past visits, and recognized the location.  There were still many hours before dawn.  He'd decided not to wait to pay Andrew a visit. The sooner he found out if Nat was there, the quicker he could take action.

Twenty minutes later Nick found himself outside Andrew's home, afraid of what he would find inside. He had to do this.  He had to know.  Different scenarios raced through his mind; Nat with another man, another man making love to her.  Nick felt his anger unleash his vampire. He should have fed before confronting Andrew. He needed the blood to help him remain in control. He reached for his flask, and remembered it was empty.  He considered leaving and returning later, but the unknown was eating at his very soul.  He had to know if she was here.

Nick didn't remember walking from the car to the condo, but now he stood at Andrew's door.  His sensitive hearing detected Nat's familiar heartbeat.  She was here.  He'd finally found her.  He pushed the doorbell and waited.  His chest tightened as he heard Nat's heartbeat grow louder as she approached the door.  He tried listening for another heartbeat, but all he could hear was Nat and Christmas music.

The door opened.  Nat stood frozen.  Their eyes locked.  Neither spoke for what seemed like an eternity.  He could see the shocked look on her face.

"Surprised to see me, Nat?"  He hadn't meant to speak so harshly, but his anger was barely under control.

"Nick?"

He walked past her, and entered the condo before she had a chance to slam the door in his face. He was a bit startled by the remodeling mess. He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but it hadn't been to find Nat in the middle of paint cans, drywall dust and drop clothes covering furniture. It seemed to take a minute for her to realize he'd entered the room.  He saw her slowly shut the door.  Natalie walked toward him, but kept a safe distance between them.

"What are you doing here, Nick?  How did you find me?"

"I'm sure you thought I didn't know about Andrew, but you're wrong, Nat.  I know all your dirty little secrets."  Damn, he hadn't wanted to confront her with anger. He'd planned on professing his love and begging her to come back to Toronto with him. He'd even thought about asking her to spend a few days at the Victoria with him before they returned home.

She didn't say anything, but he saw her angry glare.

"How is Andrew?  Sharing his bed again?'  He pulled the card from his pocket and tossed it at her.

She caught the card, and looked at it.  He saw she recognized the incriminating evidence.  "How dare you!" She shouted.

"How dare I?  What about you?  You who profess to love me.  You run off the first chance you get, straight to another man's arms!"  He felt the vampire clawing for release.  "And what's this?"  He motioned around the room at the remodeling mess.  "Making the love nest a little more cozy?"

"You arrogant bastard!  How dare you pry into my private life?"

"I thought I was your private life, but I was wrong!  Boy was I wrong!  All the way here, I wanted to find you, but I prayed you wouldn't be here with him." He clenched his jaw muscles, trying to hold back the vampire.  Each angry word she threw at him brought the beast closer to release.  He could feel his eyes changing; his canines tingled with anticipation of release.

"I can't believe you!  You have no right to question my actions!"

"Oh, I have ever right!  You're mine, Natalie!"  Nick knew he was going over the edge, but he couldn't control it. The vampire had surfaced. His eyes were golden, and his fangs had dropped.  She was his, and he would let no other have her.

"How dare you!  You don't own me!  And if I recall, you gave up whatever right you had when you pushed me out of your life!  Well, guess what?  I don't need a possessive ass like you charging into my life whenever it's convenient for you!"  She started to turn her back, but he grabbed her.

"Don't you ever turn your back to me!  You are mine, and I plan on taking you with me."

"Like hell..." Before Nat could say more, he pushed his body into hers and pinned her to the wall.  His hands held hers tight above her head.  His mouth came crashing down on to her lips, and roughly kissed her.  He could feel his fangs pushing against her lip, but enough of the man surfaced that stopped him from breaking the skin and drawing her blood.  He could feel her struggling against him, and it only stirred his anger, and desire.  Finally he broke the kiss, raising his head enough to look at her. 

"You bastard!  Let me go, Nick!"

"Are you afraid, Nat?  Afraid that I'll take what I want?  You belong to me, and I won't allow another man to have you."  His face was inches away from hers.

"Damn you!  You 'are' an arrogant bastard!  Let me go!"

"Never!"  He kept her body pushed tight against his, her back to the wall, her hands still held tight over her head. He leaned down and nuzzled her neck, drawing in her scent. He felt her quiver at his action.  The vampire relished the sensation.  He licked sensuously up her neck, stopping at her earlobe.  He carefully sucked at the delicate skin behind her ear, and shifted both her hands to one of his, freeing his other hand to stroke across her breast. He could tell she didn't wear a bra, and felt her nipple hardened under her shirt.

"Can he arouse you as quickly as I do?"  Nick's hand dropped and stroked across her abdomen, dropping lower, teasing just above mound.