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"Jack Sparrow couldn't motivate these bums."

WORST SPORTS FRANCHISE OF THE PAST 10 YEARS? THE PITTSBURGH PIRATES ARE RATED "AAAARGH"

There has been some ridiculous sporting ineptitude recently. The Detroit Lions have two games left—Saints and Packers—and could legitimately finish 0—16. Ugh. The Oklahoma City Thunder, with golden boy Kevin Durant, are 2—23 right now. Last season in MLB, the Seattle Mariners and Washington Nationals both lost more than 100 games. We decided to rank the worst sports franchises, but it's hard to do that "all-time," because life ebbs and flows. (Poetic.) We're locking this into a finite time period: since 1998, or a decade. Can't judge a team on 2-3 years, right? Here we go.
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In the crazy, topsy-turvy world of the NFL, sometimes fans just need someone to talk to. So once a week Mag senior writer David Fleming will exchange emails with one lucky (we think) reader. If you'd like to have an email exchange with Flem, click here and pour your pigskin heart out. Go ahead, Flem's listening. And be sure to check out the weekly Flem File on Page 2 tomorrow and every Wednesday.

Dear Flem: After watching that 92-yard "drive" the Steelers put together this week, I couldn't help but be reminded of the Good ol' Days of the Denver Broncos. I'm not only talking about the two NFL championships in the 90s but the days when anything was possible because No. 7 (John Elway) was manning the ship. Now, anything is possible, but usually not in a good way. This team is driving me mad. It is Week 15 and no one has any clue what version of the Broncos will show up on Sunday. Thanks for listening.

— Andrew Brown, a Broncos fan living in New Jersey

Courtesy Million Dollar Arm

Coming to America, or at least L.A. Same thing. Sorta.

Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel have gone Hollywood. It was a long trip.
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"Make it spicy."

Pop culture recs: (1) this game could be fun; (2) an ex-Tiger making new friends in the D; (3) can this really be possible? ; (4) Tomei on The Wrestler; (5) hehehe.
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Scott Powers

McNeal and Acker showing off their friendship.

Before tonight's Top 25 tilt on ESPN between the Marquette Golden Eagles and Tennessee Volunteers, take a look at this feature on the relationship between Marquette guards Jerel McNeal and Maurice Acker, who have been sharing a backcourt together since fifth grade with only limited time apart. It'll help ya understand the No. 23 Golden Eagles a little better. If you're more into moving images than words, check out this "Clip Reel" on McNeal and Acker also.

GOLD BOND: JEREL MCNEAL AND MAURICE ACKER
CLIP REEL: JEREL MCNEAL AND MAURICE ACKER

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EA Sports

Don't challenge O.J. in Fight Night 3. You will not win.

If you ever get the chance to play Rock Band or Guitar Hero with O.J. Atogwe, the Rams safety has one simple rule: "If you're playing guitar, you can't sit down," he says. "Jimi Hendrix didn't sit down. Slash doesn't sit down. You gotta stand up and you gotta jam. You need to feel the music to play the music, and you can't do that sitting on your couch."

Atogwe, who prefers to play lead guitar in the music titles, is also one of the most hard-core gamers in the NFL, the rare kind of guy who not only talks about being the best but also has the skills to prove it.
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"He's gonna dunk it on you right in front of your mom and your kids."

Interested in getting Lil Wayne to answer one of your sports questions? Hit up the mailbag.

Rick from West Virginia: What is the NFL going to do if the Cowboys don't make the playoffs?

Well, Rick, the NFL is going to have to move on because America's team ain't making the playoffs. Worse things have happened. January is still going to be great with or without the Cowboys.
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Courtesy those pictured

Clockwise from top left: Lipocky, Parsons, Hersch, Shumate. Thanks, guys.

With college students now bearing down for exams and the bowl season about to begin (Saturday: Wake Forest vs. Navy), we're gonna roll out some of the hits from A Season in the Stands, a students-chronicle-their-campus video project run by ESPN The Magazine this fall. Our schools were the Magazine's preseason Top 4: Oklahoma, Georgia, USC and Ohio State. While only the Sooners will be playing for the BCS Title from that group, all four schools chronicled an amazing ride through the fall of 2008.
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"Seriously, though: Cop Rock?"

What is "The Sporting Equivalency?"

Interestingly, because of the way our dad said it, we always assumed "Steve Bochco" was spelled "Steven Boccho." You learn something new every day, eh? In that vein, here's what we're going to teach you: who is like the popular TV series creator (he turns 65 today) in some of the major sports?
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Millen would have drafted him based on "sleeveless audacity" alone.

Blame Matt Ryan.

Pundits are already starting to take guesses at what the Detroit Lions will do with their number one pick, a right the team sadly secured with weeks still remaining in an NFL season. Matthew Stafford, once the best high school quarterback in Texas and now the big-armed QB for Georgia, is a likely candidate, say some in these parts. But this we'll blame on Ryan, the man you voted in as NEXT when, as a rookie, he has already arrived.
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