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HUMILIATION ...and the male submissive Humiliation: To subject to severe and vexing embarrassment. To shame! Humiliation and the male submissive is often the delivery of shame. As found with the female submissive, shame is a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt or impropriety. How this is done with, for and to a male submissive can be quite different from the techniques that are effective for a female. A male submissive's evaluation of 'what' is shameful, degrading or embarrassing is distinctly different. This is not really a surprise when you consider the diverse attitudes and level of expectation that exist in how a male tends to be raised in our society versus a female. Where a female may lose status for actions of impropriety such as physical promiscuity, multiple sexual partners, having children outside of marriage, and dressing in a manner that is sexually provocative - a male may actually gain status through these same actions. Prowess is used instead of promiscuity, sometimes a score card of acquisitions is used to compare success in 'getting a female (or male) to put out'. It is also important to note that attitudes of diminished status evaluations play into this as well. A man that is 'successful' easily and early with a female will almost always hold that female in diminished respect. Within the BDSM community a male submissive will often reveal a desire to be humiliated by a Dominant by the assumption of female attire, mannerisms, speech etc. The equating of humiliation to being 'female' cannot be escaped or overlooked as it is perhaps the most common humiliation fetish among male submissives. In addition the male submissive often seeks the powerful direction of a Dominant to 'forcibly' allow him to experience acceptable male on male relations which are considered by 'proper' society to be socially unacceptable. Male submissives do tend to enjoy overt verbal humiliation such as crude language. Since promiscuity is to some extent socially acceptable for a male the language of being 'sluttish' tends to carry less impact or effect. Language which is more derogatory tends to be more effective. In addition many male submissives enjoy actions of public humiliation, exposure and parading (again this is outside of their family, friends, community and coworkers!). In general a male submissive's tolerance for humiliation is often higher than that of a female submissive. Male submissive's do not tend to internalize the verbal language used most frequently in humiliation. Their orientation is generally more physical and less emotional, or perhaps more pragmatic and direct versus the often circuitous nature of a female submissive's mindset. The language tends to be identified as exactly what it is and the male submissive is often quite able to respond to the language strictly as another in-scene toy. This does not mean that all male submissives are impervious to being injured through verbal humiliation. Quite the contrary. A large percentage of the BDSM community has experienced incidents or events of significant verbal, physical and emotional abuse in their past. To some extent these former events damage the individual in peculiar ways. For many submissives both male and female they have been essentially 'trained' since early childhood to feel and experience things through pain, humiliation, fear, shame and guilt. Doing this in a healthy way instead of a destructive way is often how many people find their way into the community. The two distinct differences are control and consent. When an action is taken through anger (striking a child), there is an sensation that the abuser is 'out of control' and there is a certainty that the child is not consenting to being hit. However, that same child 'learn's' love through these painful touches. As an adult those lessons remain. In a sense the triggers have been trained. Many D/s people can only 'feel' the sensations of love, desire and security through patterns of 'similarity'. Being with someone who is not angry but instead calm alters the experience from something negative to something positive. Being with someone who ensures that the submissive totally wants, needs, desires and consents to sensory stimulation again flips the negative to a positive. Control and consent! It is essential for the Dominant to safeguard the emotional health of their submissive and to carefully identify what their submissive as a unique individual needs in order to achieve the experience which is most meaningful to both of you. There are male submissives and female submissives who cannot tolerate any type of humiliation and a Dominant should never assume things but instead take the time to learn who that individual submissive is prior to taking generic actions which may trigger or damage them. Many male submissive's desire for a Dominant to take them across societal boundaries by allowing, accepting and enjoying their feminization. There can be a true need to express this side of their personality as it is equally true that our society compresses and punishes 'feminine' men through constant and often extreme verbal humiliation to the point where many men are literally afraid to show or reveal what they have been painfully taught is softness or weakness, their feminine side. Another fairly common male humiliation fetish is infantilism. There is a societal expectation that a 'man' will take care of and handle things. They will be strong and assume an adult and responsible manner. Only, men are human. They can long to be held, cuddled, nurtured, nestled and generally pampered in the manner they have only known when they were small infants. These types of fetishes are quite often much stronger in the male submissive population than in the female submissive population, though there is an unmistakable similarity in the Daddy fetishes. However, both male and female submissives can and often do share fantasies of becoming an animal. This is another type of humiliation or extreme objectification. The elements of control, bondage, naughty usage, discipline, caging and usage coupled to the reality of being 'handled' like an animal can be enormously challenging, exciting and arousing for both the male and the female. There are several types of animalization practices, the two most common are the pony boy or girl and dog or puppy training. Aspects of both of these include things which can be extremely embarrassing and humiliating. As with any type of play the Dominant needs to assume nothing. Ask, pay attention and learn who your individual submissive is. A submissive needs to reveal, the good, the bad and the uncomfortable. |
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