Jezebel: Hookers, Victims & Doormats*

Angela Bassett: Boarding The ER Ship To Troubletown

maria — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:00:00 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

This week in Hollywood casting announcements: plenty of potential victimization for Tinseltown's bold-faced beauties. (Victim characters, of course, are easy to spot: They're usually described as "troubled" or have a "tortured past," have "suffered" a "crisis," are "surviving" and "learning to move on" from their rape/brutal attack/illness...take your pick!) After the jump, take a look at the newest roles for Angela Bassett, Nicole Kidman, and America Ferrera and see how they stack up on the actress-cliche scale.

• Angela Bassett, ER: Bassett will be playing a troubled doctor who comes back to Chicago after doing tsunami relief in Indonesia. Her arrival promises to "shake County General's ER to the core." Verdict: Well "troubled" usually translates to "victim," although a victim usually doesn't shake a television series to it's "core." She might be playing a shrew as well.

• Nicole Kidman, Dusty Springfield Biopic: Novelist Michael Cunningham (The Hours) has revealed that Kidman will star in the upcoming Dusty Springfield biopic he's writing. The film will explore Springfield's tortured, drugged, and depressed years, as well as her successes. Verdict: No one does victims quite like Cunningham, and Springfield's biography is not lacking in victimized and depressed elements.

• America Ferrera, An Invisible Sign of My Own: Ferrera will star in this coming-of-age film about a 20-year-old loner who turns to math for salvation when her father becomes ill. [Uh, isn't that a play called 'Proof'? -Ed.] When the character becomes an adult, she must teach math to students using her crisis as inspiration. BO-RING. Verdict: All of the victim keywords are here: "crisis" "salvation" and "ill father," but the character might overcome her own victimization in the end, so we will have to see how the movie plays out. The only thing that is unfortunate about this is the talented Ferrera starring in another snoozer.

• Shenae Grimes, Beverly Hills, 90210: Former Degrassi: The Next Generation star, Grimes, will play Annie in this 90210 remake on the CW Network. The Annie character will be based on the character played by Shannen Doherty in the original. Verdict: Although Doherty was a decent character on the show, off-set, she was generally too busy victimizing people to be a victim herself.

Angela Bassett Makes Rounds For Last ER Shift [Reuters]
Nicole Kidman Playing Dusty Springfield In Biopic, Says Michael Cunningham [NY Mag]
America Ferrera Joins Invisible [THR]
90210 Cast Continues To Grow [Variety]

Starlet Rosamind Pike To Suffer As Vain Surrogate

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:40:00 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

Along with playing the ubiquitous hooker, victim or doormat character, actresses are often pegged playing "the wife of," or "the mistress of," or even "the best friend of", especially in films that aren't specifically directed at women. Unless they are starring in a rom-com or a movie that is somehow centered around shoe-shopping, actresses in mainstream films are most often seen in some sort of role that supports the main actor. The newest casting announcements out of Hollywood prove that: most were almost entirely supporting roles, and there were even some hookers and doormats in there to keep things spicy! After the jump, Rosamund Pike fears aging and sticks with the surrogate-obsessed pack in a sci-fi thriller, and Camilla Belle fools around with a dreamy (but much older) Vincent Cassel in a new Brazilian coming-of-age film.

• Rosamund Pike, The Surrogates: In this sci-fi police thriller based on the graphic novel of the same name, Pike portrays the wife of a cop (played by Bruce Willis) investigating the corrupt world of life-surrogates that this future society depends on. In the story, Willis' character grows increasingly critical of depending on surrogates while Pike's character sticks to the cultural norm for fear of growing (and looking) older. Verdict: Doormat, while she may be defying her husband, her character represents the follow-the-herd mentality of the future society and the vanity of women.

• Camilla Belle, Adrift: This Brazilian movie set in the 1980s centers around a 14-year-old girl who learns about the infidelities of her father, played by (sigh) Vincent Cassel, as she experiences her own sexual awakening. Belle is slated to play a young woman that is having an affair with Cassel's character. Verdict: while we don't know much about her character, the fact she plays a young woman sleeping with an older, married man has the potential to be either a hooker or doormat.

• Nicole Kidman and Judi Dench, Nine: It's another movie based on a musical based on a movie! This film is based on the musical adaptation of Fellini's classic 8 1/2 and Kidman and Dench are in talks to join a cast that already includes Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard, and Sophia Loren. The movie follows a film director as he juggles the demands of different women in his life. Verdict: Since details of their characters have yet to be released, we will have to hold off on judgment.

• Mary Lynn Rajskub, Julie & Julia: This film is based on the "true life" tale of a woman named Julie (played by Amy Adams) who blogged about cooking all of the recipes in Julia Child's famous cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cuisine, in the space of one calendar year. The film will also focus on Julia Child's personal life, played by Meryl Streep. Rajskub will play Julie's best friend. Verdict: While there is little information on the character, this movie sounds like it will be one big snooze-fest (a film about blogging can only be boring, trust.) And best friend roles are usually wither so secondary they aren't noticeable or they turn into doormats for the lead character's plot line.

"Bruce Willis Starrer 'Surrogates' Adds Cast" [Hollywood Reporter]
"Camilla Belle Is Cast 'Adrift'" [Hollywood Reporter]
"Nicole Kidman, Judi Dench Eye 'Nine'" [The Hollywood Reporter]
"Rajskub Joins 'Julia' Cast" [The Hollywood Reporter]

Marisa Tomei Takes It All Off; Gina Gershon Hangs At The Brothel

Jessica — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 09:30:00 EST

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

Guess what, kids? The writers' strike is almost really and truly over! Now you can look forward to more of the same romantic comedy tripe they've been feeding us. I hear How To Lose 27 Dresses In 10 Days In Paris just signed Debra Messing to star! But seriously, since screenwriters are actually writing for a living again, there's a slew of casting news about Hollywood women and there's gonna be a lot of hookers strutting the silver screen in the coming months. Oscar winner Marisa Tomei is slated to play an '80s-era stripper in the Wrestler (fingers crossed for an homage to Flashdance!), Gina Gershon plays a resident hooker at a Nevada brothel owned by Helen Mirren in Love Ranch, and Penelope Cruz stars in an adaptation of a Philip Roth novel, The Dying Animal, called Elegy. Check out the rest of the Hollywood shuffle, with some victims and doormats thrown in for good measure, after the jump.

Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler: Tomei plays the stripper-girlfriend of a washed-up wrestler played by Mickey Rourke in this drama set in the 1980s. Stripper? Not the same as a hooker for sure, but close enough for our purposes. Also, something tells me that living with a pro-wrestler might lead to some domestic abuse. Just guessing! Verdict: Hooker, with possible undertones of victim.
Gina Gershon, Love Ranch: Oh, my, GOD this is a must see! Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci are the husband and wife owners of a Nevada brothel (wait, it gets better). They fall into a love triangle with a South American boxer, and according to the Hollywood Reporter, a state senator also becomes entangled in their "sordid affairs." Gershon plays one of the hookers in the love ranch stable. Though I'm dying to see it, the Verdict is still: Hooker.
Renee Zellweger, My One And Only: In this biopic of actor George Hamilton's life, Zellweger plays his mother, a fancy dame named Anne Deveraux, who is on an East Coast quest to find a rich husband. Verdict: looking for a man to bankroll your lifestyle? That's Hooker behavior through and through.
Penelope Cruz, Elegy: Cruz plays the student to Ben Kingsley's horny old English professor. Reuters describes Kingsley's character as "charismatic and selfish," and for gods sakes, this movie is based on a Philip Roth novel! Verdict: Victim. Exploiting the power dynamic between professor and student is one of the oldest and grossest tricks in the book.
Emma Thompson , An Education: Thompson plays the headmistress of a school in this story of a 17-year-old girl who starts dating a 35-year-old sports car driving playboy (Peter Sarsgaard). Thompson's character gets pissed because the girl is putting her chances of admission to Oxford in jeopardy by focusing on her new beau. Verdict: Thompson is OK! 35-year-old dating a teenager? Majorly sketchy.
Michelle Pfeiffer,Cheri: Pfeiffer is in talks to play the title role in this adaptation of a Collette novel by the same name. She plays a woman who dates the wealthy son of one of her friends. According to Variety, " When he is forced to give up the six-year relationship after marrying someone else, the young man can't forget her and retreats into a fantasy world." Verdict: a woman so alluring that she causes her young honey to go nuts? This broad sounds OK!
Kristen Bell, When In Rome: Kristen plays a "love-starved" New York City curator who steals magical coins from a fountain in Rome. The magical pocket change causes dudes to aggressively court her like they never have before. Not only does this sound like a blatant rip-off of Love Potion Number 9, but Bell's "love-starved" character sounds like your run-of-the mill romantic comedy heroine Doormat.

Tomei Joins Aronofsky's 'Wrestler' [Variety]
'Ranch' Wrangles Three [Hollywood Reporter]
Zellweger To Star In 'One And Only' [Variety]
Cruz, Kingsley Play Lovers In New Film "Elegy" [Reuters]
'Education' Gets Four Stars [Hollywood Reporter]
Miramax, Pathe Work Out 'Cheri' [Variety]
Bell In 'Rome' At Disney [Hollywood Reporter]

Hilary As Amelia? The Geena Davis Institute Would Approve

Jessica — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 16:20:00 EST

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

This just in from The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media (yes, such a thing exists) — men outnumber women nearly 3 to 1 on the silver screen. The study, conducted at USC's Annenberg School of Journalism, also notes that "females are over five times as likely as males to be shown in alluring apparel and are roughly three times as likely as males (10.6% vs. 3.4%) to be shown with an unrealistically 'ideal' body." That's the bad news. The good news is several female actresses have recently been awarded parts that show off something other than their 'ideal bodies': their acting chops. After the jump, an assessment of parts just assigned to Jezebel girl crush Amanda "Big Love" Seyfried, Hilary Swank, Uma Thurman, and Mary Steenburgen. There's nary a hooker or doormat to be found (and only one victim)!

Hilary Swank, Amelia: Swank stars as the daring avatrix in this Mira Nair-directed biopic. Verdict: Amelia Earhart + Mira Nair = A-OK.

Amanda Seyfried, Jennifer's Body: In this Diablo Cody-penned horror movie, Amanda will play Neely, the "bookish" best friend of cheerleader Jennifer. After Jennifer becomes possessed and starts eating dudes, Neely eventually saves the day. Verdict: ass-kickingly ok!

Mary Steenburgen, Open Road: Mary plays the ailing mother of Justin Timberlake, who is struggling to reconnect with his estranged star athlete father. Verdict: sounds like a victim. Steenburgen's character is only in the movie because she's frail and shit.

Uma Thurman, Eloise in Paris: Adapted from Kay Thompson's popular children's book of the same title, Uma is playing Nanny, who has the tedious job of corralling feisty Eloise. Verdict: even though Eloise exhausts her, the Nanny is mainly a cool British bird. She's okay in our book.

The Geena Davis Institute On Gender In Media Releases New Findings: Males Outnumber Females Almost 3 To 1 In Films [PR Newswire]
Seyfried In 'Body' Cast [Hollywood Reporter]
Trio Will Hit 'Open Road' [Variety]
Hilary Swank To Play Amelia Earhart [Variety]
Uma Thurman Joins 'Eloise In Paris' [Variety]

Kate Hudson Gets Creative; Heather Locklear Goes Lifetime

Jessica — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:40:00 EST

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

With rumors of the writers strike coming to a close, today was rife with casting notices for many an A (or B) List actress. Kate Hudson, Brittany Murphy, Robin Wright Penn, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Monica Bellucci, Winona Ryder, Julianne Moore and Heather Locklear have all been placed in forthcoming films, some of which are contingent on the writers strike reaching a resolution. So are these ladies portraying hookers, victims, doormats, some insidious combination of all three, or are they playing actual three dimensional female characters? Find out after the jump.

Kate Hudson in Big Eyes: Hudson plays Margaret Keane, the artist that did all those creepy paintings of women with giant peepers. According to Variety: "The drama covers Keane's personal awakening at the onset of the feminist movement, leading to a lawsuit she filed against her husband, Walter, who claimed credit for her works." Verdict: initially a victim, she eventually triumphs over adversity. Sounds like this one is: ok!

Brittany Murphy in Across the Hall and possibly Poor Things: Across the Hall seems to be based on a short horror film of the same name starring Adrien Grenier, which focuses on a man, his fiancée (Murphy's character) and the man's best friend. Murphy's betrothed claims she's having an affair and brings his bff to come spy on her at a seedy motel. Unclear what happens next (it would likely be a spoiler) but with this limited information it seems like Murphy plays the victim. I imagine that motel room will be caked with her brains at some point before the end of the full length film. Poor Things was originally a Lohan vehicle, but Linds had to pull out because of that whole rehab thingy. Murphy is being considered for the Lohan role — as a female con artist who befriends homeless men and then murders them so the she and her partner can collect the insurance money. The character sounds morally crappy, but is neither hooker, nor victim, nor doormat. Verdict: ok!

Robin Wright Penn, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Monica Bellucci, Winona Ryder, Julianne Moore, all in Pippa Lee: Penn plays a 50-something woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown because her husband leaves her for a young chippy — played by Winona Ryder. Bellucci plays the first wife, Gyllenhaal plays Penn's pill-addled mother in flashbacks, and Julianne Moore plays a lesbian novelist (not really sure how she fits into the plot, but I like the sound of it). Verdict: Robin Wright-Penn — victim/doormat; Winona Ryder — hooker; Monica Bellucci — not enough info to go on, so we're gonna say ok; Maggie Gyllenhaal: victim of own neurosis/pill popping; Moore: ok!

Heather Locklear in Flirting With 40: In this holiday-themed Lifetime made-for-tv movie, Locklear plays a 40-year-old divorcee who meets a much younger man on vacation, and, according to Reuters, "learns that life can begin at 40." Apparently Lifetime execs learned that they can lift an entire plot from How Stella Got Her Groove Back with no apparent repercussions! Though it must be said that Heather Locklear is no Angela Bassett, not by a mile. Verdict: ugh, total victim! If she thought her life was over at 40 she's a damn fool.

WGA Announces Member Meetings For Saturday [Deadline Hollywood Daily]
Kate Hudson To Star In 'Big Eyes' [Variety]
Murphy Enters "Hall"; Eyed For Lohan Role In "Poor" [Reuters]
Four More Booked For 'Pippa Lee' [Hollywood Reporter]
Locklear "Flirting" With Lifetime [Reuters]

Hookers, Victims & Doormats

Anna — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 09:45:00 EST

Talk about Dreamgirls: Oscar-winner Jennifer Hudson, box-office behemoth Queen Latifah, singer Alicia Keys and British actress Sophie Okonedo (Hotel Rwanda) are set to star in the Fox Searchlight drama The Secret Life of Bees, based on Sue Monk Kidd's 2002 novel of the same name. Latifah, Keys and Okonedo will play "an eccentric trio of beekeeping sisters" who take in a teenage girl (Dakota Fanning) and her caregiver (Hudson) after the two flee the girl's troubled, mother-less home. Wonder who will get top billing? [Variety]

Keener + Holofcener = A Good Day For Women In Hollywood

Anna — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 10:30:00 EST

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

Today in Hollywood casting news: Actress Rhona Mitra (Nip/Tuck) is set to star as the wife of a police chief (Jon Hamm) and grieving mother of a missing boy in the independent thriller The Boy In The Box, reports the Hollywood Reporter. And in other ugh-inducing deals, Variety reports that former HBO honcho and alleged domestic abuser Chris Albrecht is set to bring the British show Secret Diary Of A Call Girl to American shores. But no matter! Female actresses, directors and audiences have reason to celebrate following reports that the incomparable, Oscar-nominated Catherine Keener is reteaming with her Walking & Talking director, Nicole Holofcener (with Keener, above left) to star in an untitled film about a group of New York women who live in the same apartment building.

Lest you think the film will be an amalgamation of Sex And The City and Melrose Place, think again: Keener will be playing a woman living next to a cantankerous elderly lady in what is described as a drama that "explores the interactions between Keener's character, who owns the woman's apartment, the woman and her two granddaughters."

Holofcener, Keener Move In With Indie Drama [Hollywood Reporter]
Related: Mitra Thinking Inside The 'Box' [Hollywood Reporter]

The Golden Globe Nominees: No Hookers, But Lots Of Victims

dodai — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 10:30:00 EST

As you may have heard, Hollywood icon Shirley MacLaine once asserted that the best parts for actresses always fall into the category of hooker, victim or doormat. Sometimes an actress wins an award, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, for playing all three at once! Well, now that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has announced the nominees for the 2008 Golden Globe Awards, we wondered: what kinds of roles are women getting the nod for this year? We break it down, after the jump. (Also, we haven't seen all of these movies or TV shows, so feel free to disagree.)

Film:

Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age: Cate plays the Queen of England, who is not really a victim. But she's in love with Sir Walter Raleigh (Clive Owen) and she can't have him, because, duh, she's Queen. Verdict: OK!
Julie Christie, Away From Her: Woman with Alzheimer's who "forgets" husband. Verdict: Victim
Jodie Foster, The Brave One: Strong woman who goes on a vigilante killing spree after her fiance is killed. Verdict: Victim
Angelina Jolie, A Mighty Heart: Woman loses husband in Pakistan! Verdict: Victim
Keira Knightley, Atonement: Girl falls in love with housekeeper's son, then tragically loses him. Verdict: Victim
Amy Adams, Enchanted: Cartoon princess in real world falls in love with real boy, fish-out-of-water hijinx ensue. She's basically a damsel in distress! Verdict: Victim
Nikki Blonsky, Hairspray: Campy teenager dances against segregation! Funny! Verdict: OK!
Helena Bonham Carter, Sweeney Todd: Helps Sweeney Todd seek bloody revenge. Bloody blood blood blood. Verdict: OK!
Marion Cotillard, La Vie En Rose: Edith Piaf rises from street performer to international star. Verdict: OK!
Ellen Page, Juno: Pregnant teen seeks adoption parents. Verdict: OK!

Television:

Patricia Arquette, Medium: Psychic solves mysteries. Verdict: OK!
Glenn Close, Damages: Ruthless litigator with a bulldog approach. Verdict: OK!
Minnie Driver, The Riches: Modern gypsy grifter slash drug addict. Verdict: Victim-ish
Edie Falco , The Sopranos: Carmela is complicated but often gets stepped on. Verdict: Victim, Doormat
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters: Nora Walker is the matriarch of a complicated family of a adult children. Verdict: OK!
Holly Hunter, Saving Grace: Alcoholic law enforcement lady with a guardian angel. Verdict: Victim
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer: Police chief solves cases with her intuition and ability to read people. Verdict: OK!
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?: A woman suffers from amnesia and is forced to find out who she really is. Verdict: Victim
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty: Plucky yet unfashionable assistant at a fashion magazine works hard and overcomes obstacles. Verdict: OK!
Tina Fey, 30 Rock TV show head writer deals with crazy actors, boss. Verdict: OK!
Anna Friel, Pushing Daisies: Chuck, once dead and now brought back to life by her childhood sweetheart, can't touch him or she'll die again. Meanwhile, they solve mysteries together. Verdict: Victim, the dude has all the power!
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds: Suburban mom turns into a pot dealer after her husband dies and she's in financial dire straits. Verdict: OK!

The bad news: 21 roles, 9 victims. The good news: No hookers!

Hollywood Foreign Press Association

Sandra Bullock Goes From Tomboy To Girly-Girl

Anna — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 10:30:00 EST

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

Good news on the casting front today: One of Hollywood's least-victimized leading ladies, Sandra Bullock, is set to star in the Fox vehicle One of the Guys, a comedy about a tomboy who throws her all-guy group of friends "into chaos when she embraces her feminine side", reports Variety.

The trade paper also reports that another strong lead actress, the Oscar-nominated Joan Allen, will appear alongside Richard Gere in Hachiko, A Dog's Story, a remake of a Japanese film about a loyal Akita who waited patiently for almost a decade after its owner died and didn't return home.

Uh, maybe they should call it Hachiko, A Sob Story.
Bullock Loves Guys [Variety]
Joan Allen Fetches A 'Dog's' Tale [Variety]

Michelle Williams: Martin Scorsese's Next Beaten-Down Babe

Anna — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 11:00:00 EST

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

Michelle Williams to play another woman as victim? The Oscar-nominated actress (Brokeback Mountain) is in final talks to star alongside Leonardo DiCaprio (yawn) and Mark Ruffalo (yum) in Shutter Island, a drama based on Dennis Lahane's book of the same name and directed by Martin Scorsese. The film follows two U.S. Marshals (DiCaprio, Ruffalo) as they investigate the disappearance of a mental patient; Williams' character — the dead wife of DiCaprio's character — "haunts" him throughout the film, explains the Hollywood Reporter.

In other casting news, Lauren Holly — 'member her? — has signed onto star in the independent film The Least Among You as a professor, widow and "closet drinker" who meets a falsely-arrested African American man after he visits her seminary following the 1965 Watts riots.

Michelle Williams Haunts Scorsese Mystery Drama [Reuters]
Holly, Gossett Cloistered For Indie Feature [Hollywood Reporter]

Chloë Sevigny Built Her Career Playing "Victims, Naifs and Muses," Says 'Psychology Today'

Jessica — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 13:00:00 EST

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

UPDATE: Sevigny profiler Emily Nussbaum informs us that this piece was actually written in 2003, right in the aftermath of the Brown Bunny hoopla. She would never ignore the awesomeness of Nicki Grant!

Chloë Sevigny "has specialized in a kind of transcendent suckerdom," writes Emily Nussbaum in an article that seems bizarrely out of place in Psychology Today. In an interview with Sevigny, the 28-year-old actress claims that she has been subjected to victimhood not only through her movie roles — first as an HIV-positive girl who gets raped in Kids and later as a lover of serial killer and genuine psychopath Patrick Bateman in American Psycho — but also through her personal life. When she dated director Harmony Korine (Gummo, Julien Donkey-Boy), Chloë felt like her creativity was subjugated to his artistic ego. "I always felt like 'Harmony's girlfriend.' He was the brilliant mind—which he is, the eccentric, the artist. But then it was like, 'And she's an actress.'"

She talks about feeling emotionally manipulated by directors and even discusses her most infamous acting job ever: the notorious blow job scene in the Brown Bunny. Chloë hems and haws about her Vincent Gallo fellating, saying it was her "taste at the time," but she acknowledges how hard it was on her mother, which is an undeniably sweet, unguarded moment. "I feel bad," Sevigny says about her mother's reaction to her celluloid bj. "She wanted me to be in pretty period clothes, and [edgy independent film is] all I've ever really wanted to be in. Sometimes I don't know how I ended up in these movies."

It is a little hard to, ahem, swallow, though, when Sevigny claims that acting has sometimes made her feel like a "whore." It undermines her own agency in choosing the parts that she did. She had her reasons when she chose to blow Vincent Gallo, and it feels disingenuous for her to claim innocence.

Anyway, if you've ever watched an episode of Big Love, it's safe to say that even though Chloë is playing the second wife of a polygamist, her current persona is far from the retiring victim role. The hilariously manipulative Nicki Grant is anything but a doormat.

Muse Me No More [Psychology Today]

Hollywood Always Loves A Harlot

Jessica — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:00:00 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

Los Angeles Times Oscar blogger Tom O'Neil catalogs the Academy Awards' "taste for tarts" today, listing a whopping 11 actresses who have won the little gold guy for portraying prostitutes, including Jane Fonda (Klute), Charlize Theron (Monster) and shockingly, homemaking idol Donna Reed (From Here to Eternity).

And those are only the actresses who won an Oscar. Shirley MacLaine was nominated twice, (and lost twice), for playing a lady of the night in Some Came Running and Irma La Douce. And Nicole Kidman, Elizabeth Shue and Gloria Swanson were all nominated for playing pros and lost out. As was Julia Roberts, who was denied the Oscar in 1991 for Pretty Woman. Still, with the record of success of starlets playing streetwalkers, we guess that actress Anna Faris is onto something!

That Naughty, Naked Golden Boy Oscar Sure Loves Floozies! [L.A. TImes]

Starlet Trades In Playing Dumb Blondes For Deep-Throating Brunettes

Anna — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:00:00 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

Poor Anna Faris. Sick of being typecast by male Hollywood executives as the stupid girl who gets regularly assaulted for comedic effect, the 30-year-old actress is developing her own starring role as a sad girl who gets regularly assaulted for dramatic effect. Faris, who will also be seen in the upcoming comedy I Know What Boys Like, playing a former Playboy bunny, is so eager to be taken seriously as an actress that she's planning on starring as former porn star Linda Lovelace in the drama Inferno.

Faris says that playing Lovelace — the star of Deep Throat who later became an anti-pornography crusader and issued allegations of emotional and physical abuse against the film's producers — "would be cool for me to do." This, of course, comes just 10 months after Faris told the NY Times' Sara Corbett that her mother would love for her to take roles that are "less embarrassing." Ugh. Hollywood.
Anna Faris Plans To Get 'Deep' With Porn-Star Biopic [MTV]
Related: The Ditz Ghetto [NY Times]

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion ...

Anna — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 10:45:00 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories. Well, it's not exactly the role of the Black Best Friend, but it's close! Oscar-winner Jennifer Hudson will be playing second fiddle to Sarah Jessica Parker in the film version of Sex And The City, reports Variety. Hudson, who won an Oscar for her role in Dreamgirls, has been cast as the assistant to Parker's Carrie Bradshaw character. Maybe the film's producers figured out that when setting a story in New York City you've got to actually show some people of color? [Variety]

Ashley Judd: Mental Case Off-Screen And On

Anna — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 11:50:00 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

Two-and-a-half years after checking herself into a rehabilitation facility to treat her chronic ennui (we've been there!) and come to terms with her dysfunctional family (been there too!), actress Ashley Judd is using the experience as film fodder: Variety reports that the 39-year-old actress has signed to star in the drama Helen, which "centers on a music professor and mother who suffers from a deep, debilitating depression." Is it just us or does the name "Helen" often get associated with mentally or sensory-challenged types?

Ashley Judd To Star In 'Helen' [Variety]
Related: Ashley Judd On Rehab: 'I Needed Help [People]

Nicole Kidman To Naomi Watts: I Can Remake Foreign Horror Flicks Too!

Anna — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 10:30:00 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

Perhaps captializing on the success of The Others (or trying to one-up her best friend and Ring franchise star Naomi Watts) Oscar-winning actress Nicole Kidman is gearing up to play yet another introverted damsel in distress, this time in a remake of the Colombian horror film Al Final Del Spectro, reports Variety. The trade paper explains that Kidman, who came to Hollywood's (and Tom Cruise's) attention for her portrayal of a kidnapping victim in the the 1989 horror film Dead Calm, will play "a woman who, after a tragedy, is encouraged by her father to take refuge in a fancy apartment building. She becomes a shut-in, and begins to see a ghost."
Universal Sets Kidman For Horror Film [Variety]

This Time, Halle Berry Wants To Win An Oscar For Playing Someone Sober

Anna — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 16:45:00 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

Oscar-winner Halle Berry is reteaming with her Monster's Ball costar Billy Bob Thornton to star in the drama Tulia, "an adaptation of the Nate Blakeslee book "Tulia: Race, Cocaine, and Corruption in a Small Texas Town," in which 10% of the black population of Tulia was incarcerated," reports Variety. Although the trade paper is not reporting what Berry's role will be, it's safe to say that she's not going to be playing the male lawyer who exposed the corruption, nor the crooked local law enforcement officer behind the racist arrests. In better casting news, the incomparable Miranda Richardson and up-and-comer Emily Blunt have been cast in the drama Young Victoria; Richardson will play the Duchess of Kent and Blunt the young Queen Victoria.
John Singleton To Direct 'Tulia' [Variety]
Duo Sign On For 'Young Victoria' [Variety]

Jennifer Esposito To Play Subjugated Second-Fiddle To Val Kilmer's Hero

Anna — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 11:05:04 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

Strangely-underutilized actress and currently-divorcing newlywed Jennifer Esposito, 34, (Spin City, Crash) has signed on to star alongside Val Kilmer in the indie film Conspiracy, in which she'll play "the hardworking single mother of an 8-year-old daughter and the survivor of an abusive marriage," says The Hollywood Reporter. Conspiracy concerns a wounded war veteran (Kilmer) searching for a missing former colleague in an Arizona town; Esposito will, not surprisingly, play his girlfriend. Who at some point, we predict, will probably need rescuing. Esposito In 'Conspiracy' With Kilmer [HollywoodReporter]

Cameron Diaz's Trick In A Box

Anna — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 10:28:19 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.
Cameron Diaz is set to flex her vocal chords and, we imagine, Achilles tendons: The Shrek star has signed onto star in The Box, a Ring-like horror film in which she will play "a young woman given a mysterious box by a stranger [and] told that certain things will happen depending on which buttons she presses," reports Variety. In other casting news, Megan Fox has just signed onto appear in the film adaptation of the Toby Young memoir How To Lose Friends And Alienate People. The Angelina Jolie "lookalike" will be playing "a young Hollywood starlet getting her first taste of fame." (What does "fame" taste like? Hard-core drug use and blood-filled vials!)

Cameron Diaz To Star In 'The Box [Variety]
Fox Making 'Friends' For Weide Pic [HollywoodReporter]

Rachel Weisz's Lovely Bones

Anna — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 17:32:51 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

Lots of news about how Hollywood casts its actresses today! The lovely and strangely-skinny Rachel Weisz has just inked a deal to play the mother of a raped and murdered young girl in Peter Jackson's film adaptation of Alice Sebold's bestseller The Lovely Bones, reports The Hollywood Reporter. Another Oscar-winning brunette, Jennifer Connelly, has just signed on (alongside husband Paul Bettany) to play a devoted wife whose "life is shaken when [her] husband, a claymation artist, discovers his characters are acting out a nightmare that comes to life," reports Variety. And in what must be the one of the most complimentary trade reports ever, the Reporter is also announcing that Alice Braga (niece of Sonia) will play "the girl with the dark glasses" in an upcoming apocalyptic drama starring Julianne Moore, Mark Ruffalo and Gael Garcia Bernal. Honestly, why give Braga's character a name? She'll no doubt either scream and wail or remain mute throughout the entire movie anyway!

Mischa Barton Signs Up For 'Marissa Goes To Moscow'

Anna — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 12:43:50 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

Hot off (well kinda "hot off") her role as troubled teen Marissa on pop-music heavy The O.C., Mischa Barton has just signed up to play another alienated young music-loving lass, reports Variety. The Barfton (uh, we just made that up for no reason) will be starring in a "coming-of-age drama" directed by Roland Joffe (The Killing Fields) as a lonely American teenager living in Russia who bonds with a local Muscovite over their shared love for the band t.A.T.u. In other female casting news, actress Anna Faris will be starring in an upcoming comedy about "an ex-Playboy bunny who moves into the lamest sorority on campus to help make the girls more popular." Faris playing yet another dumb blonde? Sounds... inspiring!

Mischa Barton To Star In Joffe's 't.A.T.u.' [Variety]
Anna Faris To Play Ex-Playboy Bunny [Variety]
Related: The Ditz Ghetto [NYTimes]

Reese Goes Street Urchin; Zooey Goes Running

Anna — Thu, 31 May 2007 10:47:29 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

Oscar-winner Reese Witherspoon has just signed on for a remake of the 1930s film Midnight, which concerns "a destitute young woman in Paris who becomes a pawn when a wealthy man tires to get rid of the gigolo wooing his wife" reports Variety. No doubt there'll be some crying in this one, but we're sure Reese will look cute doing it! In other victim-related casting news, the adorable Zooey Deschanel will appear with Mark Wahlberg in M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening, in which she'll play the wife of a man "who takes his family on the run when an apocalyptical natural crisis threatens to end civilization." Ooh, crying and screaming in a lead female role? Whatever will they think of next?

Witherspoon To Star In 'Midnight' [Variety]
Deschanel To Star In 'Happening' [Variety]

Eva Mendes To Be A Real Screamer

Anna — Tue, 22 May 2007 12:30:18 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

Eva Mendes has a new gig! (Besides looking posing seductively at pretty much any party she gets invited to.) The buck-toothed actress (she said it, not us) will be starring in the upcoming film Curve in which she'll play a young woman struggling to survive "when she finds herself at the mercy of a psychopathic killer after taking a detour into the backwoods of a remote area outside New York City." Good to know that owning a healthy set of lungs is still a requirement for leading ladies in Hollywood!

Mendes To Star In 'Curve' [Variety]
Earlier: Jessica Biel To Strip For Stardom, SAG Award

Jessica Biel To Strip For Stardom, SAG Award

Anna — Mon, 21 May 2007 02:36:34 EDT

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

Jessica Biel's improbable attainment of A-list status continues apace: The Hollywood Reporter brings word that the current Elle cover girl may be initiated into Tinseltown's clique of serious actresses using a method employed by many a starlet before her: Acting like a whore! Says the paper:

[Powder Blue] follows a suicidal ex-priest (Whitaker), a stripper (Biel) with a terminally ill son, an elderly ex-con seeking to reunite with his daughter and a lovelorn mortician whose lives intersect in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve.

Wow, this flick sounds sorta like Striptease meets Crash with a little Six Feet Under and It's A Wonderful Life thrown in for good measure. Perhaps Jessica is smarter than we thought!

Whitaker, Biel Take Shine To 'Powder' [Hollywood Reporter]