• “There so many celebrity clothing lines out there that just really suck!” says Perez Hilton in this new video about his collaboration with Hot Topic. Thanks Perez, now there’s gonna be one more! [YouTube]

• Fashion iconoclast and actress Chloe Sevigny is teaming up with the designers at Opening Ceremony again, this time to do a men’s line. The cool thing, and this shit has “cool” written all over it, is that the men’s clothing will be for women too. "Not only did I want to do something for the guys in my life, but a lot of my girlfriends prefer to wear men's stuff," Chloe says. Why hasn’t someone thought of doing this before? [fashionologie]
• More Sex and the City fashion news! It never ends! The Notorious P.A.T. (that’s Patricia Field) has been tapped to create a line for England’s own Marks & Spencer (aka “Marks and Sparks” to London city-dwellers) this coming fall. [Telegraph]

• I guess old coke habits do die hard, because it seems as though Kate Moss is back Burberry's good books. Images from the spring campaign have leaked showing Moss donning a bikini and a veil. If the company dropped poor Agyness due to overexposure, what's the rationale for using Kate again? [Sassybella]

• Next up for the Target Go International line is none other than Jonathan Saunders. You might remember Mr. Saunders from such memorable pieces as "that pretty dress someone once wore" or "I have no fucking idea." The line will be out in early October so here's to hoping that Mr. Saunders will make us something we'll remember forever. [racked]
• House of Dior is set to launch a new line of luxury cell phones, which is good news for rich housewives in China, rich housewives in Russia, Paris Hilton, and Paris Hilton’s dog. That thing has a phone too, right? [WSJ]
• Paul and Stella McCartney team up for a night of fashion, music, and really fucking rich people at Paul’s old Alma Mater in Liverpool…Marc Jacobs gripes about the money side of fashion to students at Central Saint Martins, and dishes some queeny gossip about Tom Ford and how he was "different" back in the day, plus, another fancy store opens in The Hamptons, which is weird. That neighborhood used to be so much cooler when it was filled with junkies. JK! Read about fashion scoops here: [WWD]
• Queen Elizabeth seemed to be riding Camilla’s fashion dick this past weekend: the two attended a wedding looking like a much fancier version of the Bobbsey Twins. And did you know the palace has its own in-house fashion designers? Siiiick. [Telegraph]
• A weepy model who got the boot from Australia’s Next Top Model talks about how she was bullied on the show and she doesn’t want her parents to watch it. Alamela Rowan says she is relieved about getting kicked off and who can blame her? I guess reality shows just aren’t what they used to be. Or, they have always been exactly the same. [News.com.au]
• Writer Hadley Freeman talks about celeb clothing lines and the difference between Kate Moss and Lily Allen, who was never a fashion icon to begin with. [Guardian]
• “Rocket scientist” Maureen Kelly, founder of Tarte cosmetics, wants to the world to know that aside from starting her own makeup line, she also has a Ph.D and is like, totally smart. [TeenVogue]
• Somewhat-annoying Kristin Bentz from The Street takes us on a little tour of some of the biggest chain stores. She high fives J.Crew, stone-cold disses The Gap, and proceeds to rock the world with her stock predictions, Lollapalooza style. [TheStreet]
• Check out the a sneak peek at the video for Tod's starring Gwyneth Paltrow. [Fashionologie]
• Lower East Side retailers/designers Dana Foley and Anna Corinna say it sucks to get ripped off all the time by bigger brands like Forever 21. “Shoppers would still prefer to pay $12 for a copied handbag than $400 to $800 for the original.” No shit, Sherlock. [NYTimes]
• A gallery in the UK is set to celebrate Vivienne Westwood's life's work with an exhibition beginning next week. [TheStar]
• Talbots just may be tanking. [Reuters]
• In other Talbots news, the retailer has hired a new designer to revamp its women’s line. Chris Jackson, who has also designed for DKNY, French Connection, and others, is so excited about joining the Talbots team that he just wet his Talbots pants and bought another pair. [WWD]

• The new issue of Vanity Fair isn't out yet, but Miley Cyrus is already warning fans that she's mortified of the semi-topless pictures of herself inside. "I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed," she says. A starlet's first shameful shoot is a tale as old as time and a rite of passage, no? [Us Magazine]
  
• The Disney Channel, which airs Miley's hit show, Hannah Montana, says: "Unfortunately... A situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines." [People]
  
• Ooooh here's a shot. Provocative? It's Annie Leibovitz, of course. She's really been controversial lately. [E!]
  
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt did attend the White House Correspondents dinner on Saturday night. They sat at Fortune magazine's table. Other tidbits from that night: Colin Firth couldn't get into the Bloomberg party; Kal Penn (aka Kumar of Harold & Kumar) hung with Salman Rushie and claims he doesn't actually smoke weed; Pete Wentz shouted, "I just want to thank my girlfriend's vagina!" before he started DJing. Stay classy, D.C.! [Page Six]

• And a reader texted us from a cell phone: "Heidi & spencer are sitting behind me @ the whca dinner. Verrry touchy."
• Owen Wilson: Partying in Miami with Richie Sambora and Vince Vaughn. Just like old times! [People]
• Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer: Went on a date in Miami. You know, they might actually be great together. [People]
• Oooh, Sheryl Crow set them up. [Enquirer]
• Joel Madden surprised Nicole Richie with a trip to the California desert for the Coachella music festival, and they brought the baby. Not to the show, to the desert. [People]
• Meanwhile: Paris Hilton and Benji Madden might actually get married. Making Paris and Nicole sisters-in-law. It's surreal, isn't it? [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse is not getting a divorce from Blake Incarcerated, despite the rumors (which we haven't heard.) [People]
• Amy's out of jail, btw, after being arrested for allegedly slapping a dude. [E!]
• Oh, wait! Amy "bonked" Blake Wood! Also known as Blake II. A source says "you could hear them down the hall." [The Sun]
• And um, this paper claims Amy has a new lover named Alex Haines. Damn, girl. [Mirror]
• Paul McCartney is "writing" a coffee table book which will contain hundreds of photos taken by his late wife Linda. [Mirror]
• Joyce Carol Oates is writing a fictionalized version of the death of pageant girl JonBenet Ramsey. [Page Six]
• Oprah's interview with Tom Cruise — which will air next week — includes her asking him about Scientology, couch-jumping and Matt Lauer. [E!]
• Tom Cruise took Connor and Isabella to see David Beckham play for the L.A. Galaxy on Saturday. No Katie, no Suri. Shocking, I know. Try and collect yourself. [TMZ]
• Ashley Dupre, Eliot Spitzer's call girl, has signed up with a top music manager, but the record labels they've been pitching have turned them down. Oh, and apparently she can't do anything that generates income until she works out a deal regarding potential charges. [Gatecrasher]
• Oh, Christ: A superfan who has seen Spamalot 40 times thinks Clay Aiken is "the savior." As in Jesus. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which methed-up TV personality tells British pals: "I always know I'm home when I see the Albert Bridge [in London], because I'm just minutes from my drug dealer's place!" [Gatecrasher]
• Fans at a Bon Jovi concert in Sunrise, FL were evacuated due to a bomb threat. Cuz they're wanted, (waaanted) dead or alive. [TMZ]
• Country singer Kenny Chesney hurt his foot at a concert in South Carolina but continued his show. His boot had to be cut off after the show, ouch. [USA Today]
• Ashley Judd's husband, Dario Franchitti, was involved in a NASCAR crash over the weekend. He wasn't injured but his car was smashed up. [Perez Hilton]
• Guy Ritchie hasn't been traveling with Madonna because someone has to stay home with the African kid while the adoption investigation is ongoing. [Perez Hilton]

• Seriously? The White House Correspondents dinner must not be what we think it is, because Pamela Anderson, Lauren Conrad and Perez Hilton (and Donatella Versace) are invited. [ONTD]
  
• Newly-engaged Ashlee Simpson says her sister Jessica is "overflowing with joy" and dad Joe has given her and fiancé Pete Wentz his blessing. [People]
  
• Lily Allen was kicked out of the men's room at a club in London — and she was with Razorlight singer Johnny Borrell. [Mirror]
  
• Kate Hudson on PhotoShopping: "I just tend to let those things go. I can't tell you how many covers of magazines I've been on when my eyes were blue. I don't have blue eyes. I have green eyes. So, you just kind of go with it, you know, it's like it is, what it is and that's what people do, you know." [The Star]
  
• A tabloid editor says Jay-Z and Beyoncé's wedding only made the cover of one weekly magazine because "African-Americans don't sell covers." [Gatecrasher]

• "Just good friends" Chris Brown and Rihanna were seen "hugging and dancing" at a birthday party. [Page Six]
• Madonna is expected to appear in court in Malawi in 2 weeks for a final ruling on her adoption. We all know it's gonna happen, right? She's had that kid since 2006. [Reuters]
• An Indian pandit — which is like some kinda spiritual teacher — will travel to Mexico to bless Heidi Klum and hubs Seal on their third wedding anniversary, May 10. Damn, they're so international! [Times Of India]
• Paul McCartney is going on a huge world tour in the fall, and the always-classy UK papers are calling it the "divorce tour." [Mirror]
• Heather Mills said of Paul on morning TV: "I think he's got three different girlfriends so I wish all the girls the best of luck. Better them than me." [Mirror]
• Paula Abdul's boyfriend "isn't too invested" in the relationship and "flirts with a lot of women." [MSNBC]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom, Blythe Danner, is swearing up and down that Gwynnie and Chris Martin are happily married. [People]
• Neil Patrick Harris doesn't want Britney back on How I Met Your Mother. "Our show does not need stunt casting in order to succeed," he says. [USA Today]
• That nude photo of Carla Bruni — shot by photographer Michel Comte in 1993 — sold for $91,000, [Guardian]
• Dolly Parton helped a young American bald eagle that had been blown from its nest return to the wild. She named the bird Liberty. "I thought that sounded better than Baldy." [Yahoo News]
• "It doesn't matter how much I get paid for something. Having integrity definitely hurts your buying sprees, but I can sleep at night." —Evan Rachel Wood. [LA Times]
• At the casting for Paris Hilton's new TV show — in which she searches for a "new BFF" — took place yesterday in New York. "It looked like Barbie threw up in there," says a source. "All the girls looked like versions of Donatella Versace. They all had bleached blond hair, too-dark tans and were wearing tight, shiny dresses. All the guys that were there were gay. The whole thing was so bizarre." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which rising young actress was informed at a recent film party that Jane Fonda wanted to meet her? "I don't give a shit," came the jaded response." [Gatecrasher]
• Alright stop. Collaborate and listen: Robert Van Winkle, better known as Vanilla Ice, was arrested last night for domestic battery. Apparently he had an argument with his wife and pushed her. [TMZ]
• Sean Diddy Combs needed five stitches after cutting his foot on a champagne glass while partying at his Miami home last weekend. Raise your hand if you want to be barefoot and sipping champagne ASAP. [TMZ]
• Ed Asner to ex-wife: Get a job. [USA Today]
• The 73-year-old 3 foot 8 inch actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars has been hospitalized. May the force be with him. [TMZ]
• OMFG have you seen the new Gossip Girl ad? [TMZ]

• LOL headline of the day: "Jay-Z Leaves New Wife Beyoncé At Home To Watch Basketball." OMG you guys, he went somewhere without her! [Mirror]
  
• Is Beyoncé wearing gloves so we can't see her damn wedding ring? [Concrete Loop]
  
• Amy Winehouse is the headlining act this Saturday at a festival on the Isle Of Wight. Will she shout out Blake Incarcerated? [Mirror]
  
• Rosie O'Donnell talked about her time on The View on The Martha Stewart Show yesterday: "There was people there telling me what to do. There was a little Republican who scared me." [People]
  
• A fence along the Mexican border "bears all the credibility and seriousness of flying saucers from Mars or leprechauns. Or any manner of malicious, paranoid superstition. In other words, it's bullshit. It's a complete disaster. It's an act of fascist madness." — Tommy Lee Jones. [Page Six]

• Paul McCartney is taking 4-year-old daughter Bea on vacation, and Heather Mills has extremely specific instructions as to what Bea can eat, since she's a strict vegan. Good times. [Mirror]
• A Boston priest has apologized for stalking TV host Conan O'Brien, thank God. [Reuters]
• Tom Cruise's probably-crappy Nazi movie, Valkyrie, has been pushed back a third time — it won't come out until February 2009. The flick has bad buzz, cost $90 million and isn't really finished. Box office poison? [Page Six]
• Funnyman and hot Scot Craig Ferguson is headlining the White House Correspondents Dinner, which he's calling "probably the single most dangerous gig in show business." Good luck! [Page Six]
• For Hugh Hefner's birthday, Pamela Anderson showed up in his Vegas hotel room naked and holding a cake. Medic! [Page Six]
• Ooh, decades-old gossip! Mickey Mantle maybe said Doris Day was one of the best fucks of his life. [Page Six]
• Hilary Duff dropping a scorpion down her pants in a scene from a political satire is getting lots of views on YouTube. Related: People are bored. [Page Six]
• Gossip Girl gossip: The Asian girl is off the show! Is it because Leighton Meester (Blair) didn't like her? [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which divorced celebs, who still share a PR, are driving the poor flack crazy trying to plant mean stories about each other?" [Gatecrasher]
• Sex And The City feud rumors persist: How come SJP was seated at one table and all of her costars were at a different table a gala on Monday night? [Rush & Molloy]
• By the way, Sarah Jessica Parker says sexiness comes from "confidence and brains — but I think confidence has a lot to do with it as there are a lot of versions of sexy." [Mirror]
• "Gwyneth Paltrow can eat a lot. She can eat a good amount of food for such a skinny movie star. She can out-eat me in rice dishes, like paella." —Mario Batali. [Rush & Molloy]
• Speaking of Gwynnie and food, she threw a Mexican fiesta for her son Moses, who turned two on Tuesday. "He loves guacamole," she says. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan's former bodyguard is suing her for $55,000 worth of back pay. Get those bills paid, girl! [Rush & Molloy]
• Mary-Louise Parker and Weeds costar Jeffrey Morgan have broken off their engagement. Sigh. [People]
• Patrick Swayze is having an "excellent" response to treatment for pancreatic cancer. Be well! [People]
• Nekkid Hairy Potter is coming to town! Daniel Radcliffe will debut on Broadway in September in a reprise of his London role in Equus. [ONTD]
• Richard Gere calls his kiss with Indian star Shilpa Shetty "a badge of somewhat insane courage." Meanwhile, he was in San Francisco yesterday for a pro-Tibet rally — right before the Olympic torch is due in that town today. [Reuters]
• Perez Hilton is getting his own radio show. Twice daily, for three minutes, starting May 5. [Yahoo News]

• Cameron Diaz and Gerard Butler: Three dates in ten days. Touchy-feely everywhere. It's like, so on. Yeah, this is the kind of news that makes us ache inside. You, too? [Mirror]
  
• Neither Beyoncé nor Jay-Z have confirmed that they were married. But on stage in North Carolina on Saturday, Mary J. Blige (who is on tour with Jay) shouted "Congratulations to my man, Jay-Z, and my girl B," during the show. If Mary says it, you gotta believe! [People]
  
• Oooh, apparently guests at the Z-Knowles wedding were asked to leave all cell phones, cameras and guns at home and were frisked at the door — yet three guns were left in an "amnesty box" outside Jay-Z's apartment. Dangerously in love! [Mirror]
  
• Pregnant Jamie Lynn Spears spent her 17th birthday eating at Ruby Tuesday and shopping at Wal-Mart with her fiancé. [People]
  
• "I work with underprivileged girls, mostly minorities, who hate themselves because they don't look like Lauren Conrad. Who the fuck wants to look like the girls on The Hills? They're complete nitwits. Success is about more than acquiring a Hermes bag." — Stacy London of What Not To Wear. [Rush & Molloy]

• Click here to see what Scarlett Johansson's album cover looks like. (She's lying on some ferns inside of a stump or something, but it looks prettier than it sounds.) [People]
• Jessica Alba had a baby shower on Sunday; Rashida Jones, Jaime King and Kim Kardashian were in attendance. The menu featured chicken, tiger shrimp, dark chocolate-dipped strawberries and cupcakes. Jess received strollers, cradles, Dr. Seuss books, rattles and clothes. Yawn. [E!]
• Lily Allen and Kelly Osbourne turned up at the same event wearing the same Vivienne Westwood dress. Horrors! [Mirror]
• Madonna will adopt a kid from India after she finishes promoting her new album. Namaste! [The Sun]
• Um, unless, as this paper says, David Banda is the last child she ever adopts. [The Sun]
• Thandie Newton is going to play Condi Rice in Oliver Stone's new movie??? Love her, but she doesn't look like the Secretary of State. Then again, Josh Brolin doesn't look like W, so. Sigh. [LA Times]
• Nicky Hilton, who is dating Mary-Kate Olsen's ex, David Katzenberg, is becoming good friends with The Hills' Whitney Port, who is dating Ashley Olsen's ex, Matt Kaplan. Are you keeping up? Think of it this way: Hollywood is one giant bacteria swap. [Page Six]
• Dane Cook's neighbors hate him because he doesn't pick up after his dog. Gross. [Page Six]
• Paul McCartney and Heather Mills' daughter Beatrice was seen shopping with her nanny, picking out her own clothes without her parents there, poor thing. She is 4. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Sir Paul has praised ex-wife Linda (and taken a swipe at Heather) by noting that Linda (who died in 1998) "didn't go on TV and say, 'This is who I am - hello' and try to ingratiate herself. Her priorities were private rather than public." [Mirror]
• Oh, and Paul's new girlfriend, "millionairess" Nancy Shevell, seems kind of great. [Daily Mail]
• Unfinished Kelly Clarkson tracks have leaked on to the Internet. That "sucks," says Kelly Clarkson. [Reuters]
• As previously reported, there's an X-rated blow-up doll based on Sarah Jessica Parker and Sex And The City. Will there also be a lawsuit? [UPI]
• Porn star Mary Carey announced "I'm 37 days sober!" at a NYC restaurant last week, then had a glass of wine. [Gatecrasher]
• Jessica Simpson is "shaving" on the new cover of Esquire. [Gatecrasher]
• Ashlee Simpson's album will be released almost at the same time as Mariah Carey's. Doesn't look good for Ash. [MSNBC]
• Did Mariah lipsync on a UK TV show? [Perez Hilton]
• Dina Lohan is "worried" about tabloid attention on daughter Ali, who stars in Dina's upcoming reality show. "It's scary because I did it with Lindsay and got her to the level of success that she is at and with the tabloids ... so with Ali now it's scary ... they are already making things up about her," Dina says. Thrusting her into the spotlight will certainly solve the problem! [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which Disney youth act's gay stylist had the suits in a dither because he insisted on dressing the boys in the tightest possible clothes? The execs had to back down when the "beyond metrosexual" look was a smash with their target 'tween audience." [Gatecrasher]
• George Clooney received an anonymous voice mail from a man telling him to ditch girlfriend Sarah Larson. The man said, "Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you're sorry!" Clooney had the call traced to a pre-paid cell phone but still doesn't know who left the message. Maybe the person who "writes" IDontlikeYouInThatWay? [TMZ]
• Photo agency x17 has apologized to Tony Parker and Eva Longoria for posting the claims of model Alexandra Paressant, who said that she'd had an affair with Tony after he married Eva. Tony had never even met Paressant. Friday the agency said: X17online.com and X17 Inc. regret having been misled by Ms. Paressant and her representatives and apologize to Mr. Parker for any damage or inconvenience this may have caused him or his wife." [TMZ]
• The reason Naomi Campbell had a hissy fit on a British Airways flight? When they lost her luggage, she reportedly said, "I must have the clothing that is in the suitcase because it is a brand that I have got to wear otherwise I don't get paid." [Mirror]
• Dancing With The Stars champ Cheryl Burke has opened her own dance studio in San Francisco. [ET]
• Jennie Garth might make a cameo appearance in the pilot of the 90210 spinoff! [LA Times]
• Rickrolling has actually spurred sales of Rick Astley songs. Amazing. [Reuters]
• Colin Farrell toured Bosnia in preparation for a new film. ""I felt sick," he says. "It is hard to describe how obviously the air and the land has been poisoned by the act of killing 8,000 people in the space of a day. But you really do get the sense of the pain and the loss and I am sad, I really am sad." [Reuters]
• 21 was number one at the box office again, beating George Clooney's Leatherheads. [E!]
• Charlton Heston is dead. [People]

• Jessica Simpson has been hospitalized at Cedars Sinai for a minor kidney infection. Did she pick up something in Kuwait? Ow, ow, ow. [TMZ]
  
• Oh, she's already out of the hospital. And "doing fine." [The Sun]
  
• Amy Winehouse is moving — for the third time in four months — because her new flat has "demons." [The Sun]
  
• Despite what you may have heard, Johnny Depp will not be shilling for Magnum condoms. [Portƒolio]
  
• Denise Richards: "I'll never talk about weight around [my daughters]. And they'll never hear me say, 'Mommy's feeling fat today.' That kind of attitude just makes young girls grow up to be dissatisfied with their bodies." She will, however, include them in her new reality show! [People]
  
• Jennifer Aniston has formed a film company called Echo Films with producing partner Kristin Hahn. (Aniston was previously a partner in Brad Pitt's film company, Plan B.) [Variety]

• Meanwhile, Brad Pitt is producing a new film called Lost City Of Z, about a lost city in the Amazon. [Variety]
• Oh, Brad Pitt MIGHT be at the Kodak theater in Hollywood on Sunday for Idol Gives Back, the American Idol charity fundraising event. But will he be married? [E!]
• Director Pedro Almodovar says his inspiration is actress Deborah Kerr. [Telegraph]
• Adam Sandler: Broke his ankle playing basketball. [USA Today]
• Grammy Winning singer Nancy Wilson has been hospitalized with a collapsed lung. Be well! [USA Today]
• Dane Cook: Named unfunniest comic. Ha. [Page Six]
• Bruce Willis' girlfriend Emma Heming previously dated Sean "Diddy" Combs, Brent Bolthouse and John Stamos. Ain't sayin' she's a goldigger, but... [Page Six]
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus says she only ate egg whites on the day of the Emmy awards because she wanted to look thin. "I don't know why people thought that was so funny. I guess some people like to pretend they can eat like shit and look great in their dress." [Page Six]
• Stavros Niarchos: Seen leaving a NYC hotspot with three ladies. [Page Six]
• Ed Westwick, aka Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass, was seen playing with his band in a downtown NYC club and chugging drinks on stage. After his set, Ed stumbled out yelling "I'm so fucked up!" [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which small-screen actress has been texting and fawning over and otherwise smothering her '90s TV megastar boyfriend, just after her PR leaked the relationship to the press? At this rate, she might have to cast a new beau for next season." [Gatecrasher]
• Kelly Lynch is sending her Road House co-star Patrick Swayze best wishes. "If anyone can get through this, it's him," she says of his fight with pancreatic cancer. [People]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is not pregnant, she just wore a baby doll top. Leave her alone. [People]
• Rihanna says she and Chris Brown "are best friends, honestly, like brother and sister." That's cool, even though I never do this with my brother. [People]
• New Kids On The Block! On the Today show! April 4! Oh oh oh oh oh — hangin' tough! [People]
• A woman who has a restraining order against her and can't come within 500 feet of John Cusack was arrested Sunday near the actor's home in Malibu. Yikes! Stalker. [E!]
• Britney Spears is back with her former manager, Larry Rudolph, who had represented her her since she was a teen and was the one who urged her to go to rehab (after which she dropped him). Could be a step in the right direction. [ONTD]
• Meanwhile, Brit's dad is trying to keep here working since it's "therapeutic" for her. [MSNBC]
• Feuds over fashion on the set of the Sex And The City movie? You don't say. [Mirror]
• Sharon Osbourne, live, on TV at the Brit awards: Get on with it, you pisshead ... Shut up you're pissed. Piss off, you bastard. Piss off!" TV regulator Ofcom (kind of like the FCC) says her language was "acceptable." [Mirror]
• Newly-divorced Paul McCartney and his new girlfriend, Nancy Shevell (whom the UK paper calls a "millionairess") were seen "giggling and smooching" on a Caribbean beach yesterday. Love is all you need! [Mirror]
• Ray Romano: Returning to TV in a new one-hour comedic drama? [UPI]
• Daniel Craig has been named "Britain's Best Dressed Man" by the UK edition of GQ. But do we like him better fully clothed or, um, partially? [Reuters]

[Telegraph, People]

Lorna Wendt, the ex-wife of GE Capital CEO George Wendt, was originally offered $8 million following the couple's divorce after 32 years of marriage. Lorna thought she was worth half of the $100 million fortune George had amassed, and after taking her ex to court, ended up receiving $20 million. She told Fortune magazine: "I complemented him by keeping the home fires burning and by raising a family and by being the CEO of the Wendt corporation and by running the household and grounds and social and emotional ties so he could go out and work very hard at what he was good at... If marriage isn't a partnership between equals, then why get married? If you knew that some husband or judge down the road was going to say, 'You're a 30% part of this marriage, and he's a 70% part,' would you get married?"

Arguably, Mills never created any sort of McCartney corporation. Nearly all of her ex-husband's money and success had been amassed long before she came on the scene. But does that mean she deserves less of the pie? Then there's the couple's young daughter, 4-year-old Beatrice. In addition to the $49 million, McCartney will pay $70,000 a year for Beatrice's nanny and school fees. To this sum, Mills griped, "[Beatrice is] obviously meant to travel B class while her father travels A class."

The court of John Q. Public has been, well, less than sympathetic to Mills In the comments section of a New York Times item analyzing the press coverage of her, reader "wendy" says of Mills, "Another money hungry 'female dog' that gives us good women a bad "name". You didn't have it when you met him and shouldn't have it when you leave him..." No one but the people involved know the real details about the Mills-McCartney marriage, though the pair's divorce proceedings will be made public as per a court decision today, despite an appeal from Mills yesterday. But again: even if we knew the intimate details, how do we put a price on them?

A Well-Covered End To The McCartney-Mills Marriage [NY Times]
The Price Of Romance [Guardian]
It's Her Job Too: Lorna Wendt's $20 Million Divorce Case Is The Shot Heard 'Round The Water Cooler [Fortune]
McCartney Divorce Ruling To Be Released [AP via Yahoo]

• Halle Berry gave birth to a baby girl on Sunday morning in L.A. An insider says Halle first arrived at the hospital early Saturday with contractions and "skyrocketing" blood pressure, but stabilized, went home and came back later Saturday night. The baby was born at 10:17 am yesterday. Congrats! [Star Magazine]
  
• Baby and mama are "doing great!" [US Magazine]
  
• George Clooney is going to be Nicole Kidman's baby's godfather. Damn. Raise your hand if you're jealous of an unborn kid. [Mirror]
  
• Nicole Richie hates her post-pregnancy boobs. "I am bustier now and I really don't like it. It doesn't really fit with my wardrobe, it's not who I am. I am not someone who is used to wearing a bra or having to wear a bra, I really don't like it. I like wearing vintage hippy see-through shirts that aren't slutty on me because there is nothing to look at." [The Sun]
  
• Mel Gibson and Britney Spears: New BFFs. WTF. [TMZ]

• Oh, a source says Mel and Brit had dinner together to talk about sobriety. Sure. [E!]
• Sam Lutfi's restraining order regarding Britney has been extended for another 30 days, thank Zeus. [TMZ]
• Is Britney's father opening a restaurant with Kevin Federline??? [Mirror]
• Brit's kids came to visit; she let her dad push the stroller. [The Sun]
• The hospital where Britney stayed for psychiatric evaluation has suspended some employees and may fire others for looking at Brit's medical records. [Reuters]
• Lindsay Lohan admits that her pre-rehab lifestyle was effed up: "I was putting myself in the wrong situations and I didn't have the focus in the right place." [People]
• Lindsay recently had a meeting with rapper Fat Joe. Reeemiiiix! [E!]
• Paris Hilton is going on tour with Benji Madden and his band, Good Charlotte, in South Africa, yawn. [People]
• A Hasidic Jew dropped out of the role of Natalie Portman's husband in her new movie because of pressure from his community. Oy. [UPI]
• Keith Richards likes Amy Winehouse's music but says,"That girl isn't going to be around long unless she sorts herself out pretty quick. Amy's got to get smart." [Daily Mail]
• Sarah Jessica Parker on the Sex And The City movie: "A handful of people have seen it and have been very surprised by the seriousness. There's something that happens in this movie and it's really about realizing your own complicity and disappointment. You know the necessity of friends, but at a certain point, as a grown-up person, you have to take care of yourself." [LA Times]
• Did "oil heir" Brandon Davis steal a $100,000 watch from producer Scott Storch? [Page Six]
• Eminem is working on the return of Slim Shady: He's back in the studio and working out with a trainer. [Page Six]
• Dear Page Six, Lisa D'Amato did not win Cycle Five of ANTM; she did pee herself on a photo shoot, though. [Page Six]
• Blind items! "Which married foreign head of state makes Bill Clinton look like a Boy Scout? When women are granted audiences with the man, they find him at his desk with his fly open or, sometimes, with his pants already down... Which "socialite" dropped from a size 14 to a size 0 with the help of a new dangerous habit? She and some of her friends are dabbling in the appetite suppressant heroin." [Page Six]
• Blind item: "Which new mama likes to sneak vodka into her water glass even though she's still breastfeeding?" [ONTD]
• Diane Sawyer did a special on prostitution which never aired; thanks to Spitzer & Dupre, it'll be on ABC this Friday. Dreams really do come true. [Rush & Molloy]
• Actor Daniel Radcliffe smokes like 20 cigarettes a day. Harry Potter & The Phlegmy Cough. [ONTD]
• Start hitting your high notes: Mariah Carey will be a guest judge on American Idol this week. [ONTD]
• CSI: Miami's David Caruso: A dick on the set. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss has been banned from joining boyfriend Jamie Hince on stage when his band, The Kills, tours. She'll have to be happy with "groupie" status. [Mirror]
• Is Madonna's marriage "hanging by a thread"? How many times have you heard that before? [The Sun]
• But apparently Madonna and Guy Ritchie will announce a split in 18 months. Mark your calendar! [ONTD]
• Madonna's new song will be released via a SunSilk shampoo commercial. Rinse and repeat. [The.Life Files]
• Dawn Wells, aka Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island, was supposed to speak to the Girl Scouts of America; they canceled after she was charged with marijuana possession. But she could warm the girls of the dangers of DUI! [UPI]
• Sadie Frost has split with Towers of London bassist Kristian Marr. Did you know they were dating? [Sunday Mirror]
• Paul McCartney may learn how much cash he has to give Heather Mills in their divorce settlement today, but will we? These things are private, as dictated by British law. But the judge can release some or all details after the couple has heard the decision. [CNN]
• Yee-haw! Carrie Underwood is joining the Grand Ole Opry. [Yahoo News]
• The drummer from ABBA was found dead in Spain. [Yahoo News]
• Is the Church of Scientology planning to use Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith to lure black people into its clutches? [MSNBC]
• Minnie Driver doesn't know what to name her baby. "Driver is kind of a hard name to put with a first name, particularly boys' names. My friend sent me an email saying I should call the baby Duncan Driver. Then I can call it Dunk Driver, Pile Driver, Rally Driver." [The Sun]
• Michael Stipe: Totes le gay. [Rush & Molloy]

• Spencer Pratt is getting an advice column in Radar. "Yo Spencer!" will debut in the April issue; the idea is so dumb it's genius. [USA Today]
  
• The Beckhams went shopping at the Pleasure Chest adult store in Hollywood and stocked up on supplies. "They seemed to know exactly what they wanted," a witness says. What do you think was on their list? Vibes? Lube? The purple penetrator? [The Sun]
  
• Watch Britney's new anime video! [People]
  
• "It pains me to report that on the first day of the shoot, Britney knew her lines better than I knew mine," How I Met Your Mother actor Josh Radnor says. "She's been great to work with." [People]
  
• The CW network is developing a contemporary spinoff of Beverly Hills, 90210. Maybe think of it as a mashup of The OC and Gossip Girl. [The Hollywood Reporter]

• Nicky Hilton says: "There's no truth to any starvation, eating disorders rumors. I think the press has been printing a lot of pictures of me from unflattering angles. My friends see the pictures and they're like, 'Oh my god are you OK?' And then they see me, and they're like 'Oh...' It's really not that interesting or true." [MSNBC]
• Amy Winehouse's father says the fact that he had an mistress when Amy was young is partly to blame for her troubled life — he had a "work wife" while he was still married to Amy's mom. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Is Rachael Ray's syndicated show going off the air? The ratings suck. She'd still have her Food Network shows, though. Unfortch. [Page Six]
• Anne Hathaway: Into absinthe. [Page Six]
• Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi and actor Skeet Ulrich? Hot. [Page Six]
• Three blind items! 1. "Which friendly actor recently fell off the wagon? Though he's been in rehab several times, he was spotted stumbling out of a Hollywood hotel at 7 a.m. looking totally 'wasted.'" 2. "Which young soap starlet made networks execs extremely nervous when she was starting out? She was known for fooling around with her much older producers." 3. "Which Hollywood hunk cheats on his gorgeous model girlfriend all the time? They've been together for a while but he's clearly not ready to settle down." [Page Six]
• Is Paul Newman OK? He's having back problems. Be well! [Rush & Molloy]
• Melissa Joan Hart popped! The actress and her hubs welcomed their second child, a son, on Wednesday. Welcome to the world, Braydon Hart Wilkerson. [People]
• The final Harry Potter book will become two movies; the first is due in November 2010 and the second in May of 2011. [ET]
• Paul McCartney is appearing in ads for PETA — the organization that dumped his estranged wife Heather Mills last year. [Mirror]
• Speaking of Sir Paul — the judge should be ruling on his divorce — and deciding how much cash Heather will get — on Monday. [Yahoo News]
• China's Culture Ministry says it will tighten controls over foreign artists after Björk shouted "Tibet! Tibet!" at a recent concert in Shanghai. China forbids artists from performing content that "harms national unity." [Reuters]
• Patrick Swayze's mom on her son's cancer: "He just doesn't deserve it. He's got such a big heart. He's been such a good and generous and thoughtful person. It breaks my heart to know he's suffering." [Perez Hilton]

• Did Hulk Hogan have an affair while he was still living with his wife, Linda? And was the woman he slept with a friend of his daughter, Brooke? [Perez Hilton]
  
• Nicole Richie's baby! On the cover of People! Cute! [People]
  
• Someone styled & shot Lindsay Lohan to look like a tired tranny hooker on the cover of Paper magazine. [The.Life Files]
  
• March 17: The date a judge will tell Sir Paul McCartney how many millions he has to give to ex Heather Mills. Mark your calendars! [Mirror]
  
• Is Amy Winehouse back on drugs? Friends say she feels rehab is turning her into "some sort of zombie with no emotion." She apparently says she feels "numb" and recently held a lighter over her hand and purposely burned her skin. Fuck. [The Sun]

• A court in Norway has postponed Amy's drug possession hearing. She was arrested there last October on charges of marijuana possession. She and Blake Incarcerated were due in court Friday, but Blake is due in court in the UK Friday, so he won't be able to make it. So many court dates, so little time. [USA Today]
• Gossip columnist Cindy Adams wrote that pregnant Nicole Kidman was drinking white wine backstage during the Oscars; Kidman's publicist, who was with Nicole backstage, says the beverage was tea and that Adams is "an idiot, and you can quote me." [News.com.au]
• Jenna Bush had a girls-only spa weekend bachelorette party in Boca Raton; her fiancé had a boys' weekend in Miami. [People]
• Jessica Simpson is traveling to Kuwait to "entertain" the troops. Just what they need. [People]
• High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale had a nose job in November; her recently released doll has her old nose. LOL. [MSNBC]
• Something is going on between Jonathan Jaxson of gossip site JJ's Dirt and Perez Hilton, but it's sort of too early to think about it. The gist: Sex tape in return for blogging help. "I fell in love with Perez. I thought he had a huge heart...but he's just a [bleep]hole," Jaxson says. YAWN. [Page Six]
• Jessica Alba says she was called a slut in 6th grade because she had big boobs. That ain't right. [Page Six]
• Did Selma Blair and model boyfriend Matt Felker split because he came home and found her with another man? [Gatecrasher]
• Britney Spears went to the Betsey Johnson store on Melrose in L.A. and asked if they could copy a Dolce & Gabbana dress. They were all, "uh, no." So she bought the yellow wig on a mannequin in the window. [Gatecrasher]
• The LAPD is investigating suspected drugger/robber Sam Lutfi, though they won't come out and say it. [TMZ]
• Kevin Federline is turning 30 next month with a huge party in Las Vegas. Think Brit's invited? [People]
• Lynne Spears has been praising her ex-husband Jamie for taking control of Britney's troubled life. A family friend says, "He's gathered a team of reputable people who are around [Britney] now. She's not well, but for the first time in a long time she has people around her who really care about her." [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow has shot a public service announcement for UNICEF to raise money for HIV prevention. [People]
• Is Kate Hudson trying to bag Justin Timberlake? A source says she has been "texting him nonstop." But she's also seeing Owen Wilson, apparently. So. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which TV vixen, based in L.A., spent a lot of the writers' strike downtime in New York City? Word is that she was cheating on her boyfriend with her girlfriend." [Gatecrasher]
• That diamond band, wedding-ish ring Ashlee Simpson's been wearing? "It's a promise ring," she says. From Pete Wentz, natch. [Rush & Molloy]
• Bill Cosby is hosting the Playboy Jazz Festival, if you care. What would Claire Huxtable say? [AP]
• Isaiah Washington was on Capitol Hill meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus and lobbying to preserve the history of an island known off the coast of Sierra Leone. [Politico]
• A judge won't let Ja Rule post bail for his homies, who are co-defendants in a gun possession case. [Yahoo News]
• Josh Hartnett: Forced to fly coach. [Page Six]
• Oooh, Ludacris, Thandie Newton and Gerard Butler star in the new Guy Ritchie movie! [Page Six]
• Boy George denies he kept a 28-year-old Norwegian dude handcuffed in his apartment. Do you really want to hurt me??? [Yahoo News]
• Naomi Campbell remains hospitalized in Brazil, though her doctor says she is "completely cured and walking." Be well! [Yahoo News]

• Did Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, overdose on heroin in jail? He was reportedly found passed out in his cell and rushed to the prison hospital. [TMZ]
  
• Amy went out in London and "left a pair of boob enhancers, like chicken cutlet things to push up your boobs, and some hair extensions in the toilet." Whoops! And hey, what was she doing in there, anyway, that she needed to ditch her cutlets and hair? [Page Six]
  
• This report claims that Blake traded signed pictures of Amy for drugs. [The Sun]
  
• Post-overdose Blake has been banned from all contact with the outside world. That means no visitors. Amy is going to freak the fuck out. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Diva alert! There's an empty private room with a luxurious brown leather couch in North Shore University Hospital on Long Island, patiently awaiting for Jennifer Lopez to give birth. "No one's even allowed in there until she gets here. It's just sitting there for her," says a source. [Page Six]
  
• After she gives birth, People magazine will probably pay J. Lo and Marc Anthony between $4 million and $6 million for photos of the twins. [Ad Age]

• David and Victoria Beckham renewed their vows — and got matching tattoos of the event's date — nearly two years ago, but kept it a secret until now. [UPI]
• Rihanna caught her father smoking crack when she was nine years old. He's since kicked drugs and joins the singer when she's on tour. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which recently divorced fashion editor is rumored to be spending more time in Los Angeles these days? Word is she's taken up with the recently jailed Kiefer Sutherland." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which movie star recently suffered a miscarriage? The heartbroken actress is now talking about adopting." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which celebrity sibling who can't stay out of trouble has a girlfriend-of-record, but also a much-talked about romantic incident involving a same-sex pal in the Hamptons last summer?" [Gatecrasher]
• Naomi Watts teared up at a tribute to Heath Ledger is Sydney, Australia. [News.com.au]
• As reported, 47-year-old Tilda Swinton has a 29-year old boyfriend named Sandro and a 67-year-old partner and baby-daddy named John. But did she steal Sandro from his 26-year-old girlfriend? [Daily Mail]
• Heather Mills' manicurist spills: "I'd sum her up by saying she can be charming but, on the other hand, nuts." [Daily Mail]
• Heather will destroy all the evidence she has accumulated about Paul McCartney's wealth; and all video and audio evidence on their four-year marriage. [Daily Mail]
• Jared Leto attacked a fan with his microphone while crowdsurfing at a show in the UK. [Perez Hilton]
• Kirstie Alley and Jenny Craig: Dunzo. [UPI]
• Britney Spears went out on the town with her father over the weekend. Better than Sam Lutfi! [TMZ]
• The lawyer who claims to represent Britney in an effort to try to move her conservatorship case from L.A. court to federal court may not have a snowball's chance in hell. [USA Today]
• Still, he says, "I see the case as a civil rights case. These are issues of confinement. Very serious confinement. Not allowed to contact her friends. Not allowed to use the phone. Not allowed to come and go as you please. Bodyguards controlling you and so forth." [People]
• Heidi Klum says she'll take Britney in. "She can call me and come live in our house with us for a couple of months. I would help set her straight." [People]
• Madonna's new songs: Uptempo, urban, dancey, clubby; produced by Nate "Danja" Hills (who did Britney's Blackout), Timbaland and Pharrell. [Rolling Stone]
• There's a feud between Evi Quaid, wife of actor Randy, and the Actors Equity Union. Randy is banned from the union; Evi allegedly became apoplectic and kicked a 76-year-old receptionist in the shin. Drama! [Page Six]
• "Two girls I kissed turned out to be gay. I kissed Jodie Foster. She played my girl on 'The Partridge Family,' and look what happened" — Danny Bonaduce [Page Six]
• George (Tailor Made) Weisgerber from I Love New York was slapped with a disorderly conduct summons for flipping the finger to a cop in NYC. Hey, whatever it takes to stay relevant. [Gatecrasher]
• Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek, Sharon Stone and Gwen Stefani: Into Mexican Train Dominoes. Yeah, who knows. [Gatecrasher]
• Us Weekly says the writer who identified herself as a reporter for the magazine and pissed off Scarlett Johansson outside of the Today show was not assigned by them and not representing the mag. Whoops! [Gatecrasher]
• Bill O'Reilly forces some underling to wipe the sweat off the exercise equipment when he's done. The "poor kid" just follows him around the gym. No spin zone, indeed. [Rush & Molloy]

• Will Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson tie the knot? ScarJo was seen at the Monique Lhuillier boutique in L.A. looking at wedding dresses. Hey, isn't she engaged to Barack Obama? [Page Six]
  
• Amy Winehouse won five Grammys last night, including record of the year, song of the year and best new artist. Woo hoo! [People]
  
• Keith Richards on Amy Winehouse: "She should get her act together." Hello, pot? This is kettle... [Reuters]
  
• Meanwhile, Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, told Amy he attempted to hang himself in his jail cell — but it never happened. Says a source, "He wants to pile on the guilt so she can't leave him. He's utterly controlling, even when behind bars." [The Sun]

• Writers and producers have reached an agreement which should end the writers' strike by next week; expect the Oscars to move forward! With jokes penned by Jon Stewart! [People]
• Sam Lutfi, who still has not received a restraining order filed by Britney's father — because the servers can never find him — was seen in the VIP lounge at L.A. club Area where Paris Hilton was celebrating her birthday. WTF. [E!]
• Lindsay Lohan reportedly pointed to Paris Hilton at a pre-Grammy bash and said: "What the hell is that bitch doing here? I didn't know she was on the list." Paris replied, "Fuck off you bitch." OMG catfight! [Mirror]
• Rob Lowe is writing an "anecdotal, good-natured memoir." 1988 sex tape details? Anyone? [Crain's]
• Michelle Williams and other mourners at Heath Ledger's funeral walked into the ocean for a quick plunge as a way of saying goodbye to Heath. [People]
• Tim Burton and his ex, Lisa Marie, are going to court: She claims there was a conspiracy against her getting her fair share of his assets after they broke up. Burton dumped Marie for Helena Bonham Carter while they were shooting Planet Of The Apes. Messy business. [E!]
• Justin Chambers, who checked in and out of the psych ward at UCLA Medical Center, is reportedly doing "just fine." The Grey's star suffers from a sleeping disorder and entered the hospital because he was exhausted. [People]
• Britney's business manager is being fired and her divorce attorney has asked the court permission to drop her as a client. Hopefully this stuff will get untangled soon. [People]
• Cameron Diaz and Ellen Pompeo are interested in the same $5.5 million NYC apartment, boofuckinghoo. [Page Six]
• David Beckham attended a pre-Grammy party in Hollywood, where he kissed a fan who proceeded to faint. Bex "just said 'Get her some water. She'll be OK.'" Guess it happens all the time. [People]
• The Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce payout could break the UK record of £48 million. Which would buy quite a few prosthetic legs. [Guardian]
• Porn star Michael Lucas posed for pictures with Victoria Beckham and reports that Posh's complexion is terrible. "Her skin is yellow with big pores," he says. "Each pore you could fit a big [piece of] caviar in." [The Cut]
• The Information Minister of Malawi says Madonna has done so much for the country she should not be denied rights to be a parent to her son David Banda — or "many more Malawian children." [Reuters]
• R.I.P. Roy Scheider, star of Jaws and All That Jazz. [UPI]

• Rumor: After his moving visit to Sierra Leone, David and Victoria Beckham are hoping to adopt a baby girl from Africa! Spokesman for the couple: "While they admire people who go through the adoption process, their focus is raising their own three boys." Still! Posh needs a little girl she can dress up, no? [Telegraph]
  
• Eric Dane has skin cancer. He's on the cover of OK! re: the malignant tissue on his lip, caused by sun damage. More on that in Midweek Madness later today. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Did Angelina Jolie get pregnant to keep Brad? A source says she was worried he would leave her, so she went to an in vitro specialist. Whatever, OMG twins! [MSNBC]
  
• As reported yesterday evening, Britney's manager/"friend" Sam Lutfi probably stole from her. [TMZ]

• In addition, Lutfi ground up pills and put them in Britney's food, Lynne Spears claims. [LA Times]
• Britney's father was unable to visit her in the hospital on Sunday because he was catering a Super Bowl party. She called him at least four times, but then when he finally got to the hospital she was upset with him. [TMZ]
• But Britney did beg her dad to get her out of the hospital, saying, "Daddy... Take my hand and let's walk out of here together." [People]
• A source claims Britney will be able to see her kids again when she stabilizes. Monitored visits, of course, but it would be something. [E!]
• Titillating blind item: "What Justin Timberlake/Britney Spears story is too vulgar even to make it as a Gatecrasher blind item? Read the Rolling Stone cover story on Friday to find out! (Don't eat beforehand.) [Gatecrasher]
• An excerpt from the Rolling Stone story is right here. [Perez Hilton]
• This is random, but remember the mystery of Britney's breasts? Totally solved: She had implants, then had them removed. [Page Six]
• So you know how Tom Cruise was the first to get a new Ducati motorcycle? Brad Pitt is reportedly livid. He wanted to be first. Or at least second. How many children does a man need to have before you'll deliver his fine Italian bike? Jeez. [TMZ]
• Michelle Williams and daughter Matilda are in Perth, Australia for Heath Ledger's funeral. [People]
• The rumor about Jennifer Lopez expecting twins is true, says her dad. We heard she already had them, but whatevs. Here's a theory: They're preemies but the family is keeping it a secret? [People]
• Amy Winehouse was questioned by police regarding her crack smokin' video. No charges were filed... yet. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan claims she'd "much rather be at home" than go out partying these days, but, "that's not to say I'll never go to a club again..." Uh, yeah. [Mirror]
• Actress Rebecca De Mornay was sentenced to three years of probation after pleading no contest to drunk driving. Risky Business, indeed. [Reuters]
• Celine Dion leads the Juno nominations. The Canadian music award winners will be announced on April 6. [Reuters]
• A judge has refused to dismiss a suit brought by two brothers questioned in the disappearance of Natalee Holloway against Dr. Phil. [AP]
• A new book about the death of Anna Nicole alleges that Larry Birkhead is Le Gay. The two male authors say he hit on them, and was close to a "young and handsome" counselor at a camp for HIV-positive youth. Birkhead is pissed and may sue. [Gatecrasher]
• Heather Mills will be representing herself in divorce court next week as she tries to pry off a chunk of Paul McCartney's $1.6 billion. Good luck! (Saying break a leg would be so tacky.) [Page Six]
• Nicky Hilton: Not allowed in the hotel bar her sister is also banned from. So cold! [Page Six]
• Woody Allen on Scarlett Johansson: "I don't want to read about her in the paper with this boyfriend or that boyfriend, or in rehab or taking pills." Dude, you got a crush on her or something? [Page Six]
• OMG, the notorious Vanity Fair Oscar party is canceled! Who will ply the stars with free booze? [Page Six]
• But the Oscars themselves are not canceled, phew. [UPI]
• "I like that I look different. I like having flavor. I think it's funny that women get their lips injected, butt implants. Everyone wants to look like us now." — Jessica Alba in Latina magazine. [Page Six]

• Britney is in the hospital again; her new psychiatrist went to her home and decided she was a danger to herself and others. She went calmly, without resistance, and will be there for 72 hours, though she cannot be forced to take medication against her will. There's tension between her family and Sam Lutfi; the doctor seems to believe that Sam is in charge. [TMZ]
  
• Reports that Britney tried to commit suicide are not true. [TMZ]
  
• Apparently Britney was driving around her neighborhood "like a madwoman," which prompted a call to the shrink. [People]
  
• More sources are coming out claiming that Heath Ledger was an addict. Isn't it wrong to speak ill of the dead? May he rest in peace. [Page Six]
  
• Oh, Heath's rep denies all drug stories, including the one where Michelle drove him to rehab and he wouldn't go in. [Rush & Molloy]

• Entertainment Tonight and The Insider will not air a "shocking drug video" starring Heath Ledger they paid several hundred thousand dollars for — out of respect for Heath's family. In other words, someone got yelled at. [Perez Hilton]
• A "freelance reporter" was arrested outside of Brad Pitt's house, for trespassing. I swear I was nowhere around. [AP]
• Has Farrah Fawcett gone to Germany to treat a huge tumor on her liver? What about the cancer down below? No matter: Be well, Farrah! [Page Six]
• On a lighter note, Alan Cumming was swinging from a disco ball at a party recently — until it ripped from the ceiling and he fell on his face. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton was seen making out with Elisha Cuthbert. Yawn. [Page Six]
• Oh, but Paris says she had a sleepover at Nicole Richie's house on Sunday and that baby Harlow Winter Kate Madden looks like Nicole and Joel. "I was crying when I saw [the baby]," the heiress claims. Actually, it's sweet. No snark here. [People]
• As we mentioned last night, Ethan Hawke's girlfriend, aka The Nanny, is with child. Tacky much? [Page Six]
• A stylist who once worked with Britney has slapped the singer with a $50,000 law suit, claiming she hasn't been paid since August. Guess Ms. Spears has had other things on her mind. [Gatecrasher]
• Bonnie Fuller, former editor of Star magazine, writes, "Dear Lynne and Jamie Spears: Hooray For The Intervention." Dear Bonnie Fuller: Shaddup already. [Huffington Post]
• Paul McCartney says reports he had an angioplasty are untrue and he's feeling great. Surely you were worried. [People]
• Mary Lynn Rajskub, aka Chloe on 24, is pregnant: "With the strike going on, I had to keep busy!" [People]
• After 17 years, Montel Williams will end his talk show. Williams, who has multiple sclerosis, is planning a full-year of "best of" episodes, so you'll still be seeing his bald head on TV for a while. [People]
• David Beckham has a new tattoo: A six-inch Brigitte Bardot-inspired portrait of his wife, Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Mirror]
• Holly, Bridget and Kendra, known as The Girls Next Door, will be on the cover of Playboy for the third time. Hugh Hefner says, "To be perfectly frank, I have unexpectedly fallen in love. It is the relationship with Holly that will probably last forever. The others will last for as long as they want it to last before going on with their careers and lives." Uh, romantic? [Yahoo News]
• Christina Aguilera's baby won't be on the cover of OK! next week, because the magazine wouldn't guarantee a full-cover photo of Xtina and Max. In addition, Christina "hates Nicole Richie" a source says, and doesn't want their babies to be on the same cover. Meow! Surely Max will be dating Harlow soon? [MSNBC]
• Jorge Garcia, aka Hurley from Lost, wanted to have a blog but the people behind the show feared he would spill plot secrets. Boo! Let Hurley write! [MSNBC]
• Will the writers' strike nix the Oscars? The Academy is preparing two back-up shows just in case. Film history and film clips, snoozeville. [USA Today]
• A former friend of Anna Nicole Smith claims that attorney-turned-boyfriend Howard K. Stern took pictures of unconscious Daniel Smith for profit and said "they might be worth some money one day." So disgusting. [Yahoo News]
• Eva Longoria on what kind of mom Jessica Alba will be: "She's going to be amazing!" Very insightful, Eva. [People]
• Um, this new Amazon/Pepsi commercial starring Justin Timberlake (with cameo by Andy Samberg!!!!) is pretty effing funny. [The.Life Files]

• Okay, get ready for this: The UK'sNews Of The World alleges that, the night she ended up in the hospital, Britney Spears took 10 sleeping pills, 12 Vicodins, six Ritalins and 10 Zantacs — and washed them all down with her "purple drank", i.e. vodka, NyQuil and Red Bull. She also supposedly phoned her sister and shouted, "You're not going to be the only fucking Spears on the front cover of a magazine next week!" As for reports that Brit will be on Dr. Phil, a source says, "Based on the interaction between Dr. Phil and Britney . . . it'll be a cold day in hell before Britney goes on his show." [New York Post]
  
• Doctors at Cedars-Sinai hospital are pissed that Dr. Phil visited Britney in the first place — the patient has to give consent for stuff like that and it was a violation of her rights. [TMZ]
  
• Dr. Phil says he went to see Britney at the request of one Lynne Spears, her mother. [TMZ]

• Wait, what? A "reliable source" says Britney tested free of illegal drugs and alcohol while in Cedars-Sinai. Well Vicodin isn't illegal, right? Anyway, she might have seemed drugged but actually just has undiagnosed bipolar disorder, says an insider. [People]
• In any case, over the weekend, Britney went to Palm Desert with her new "friend," paparazzo Adnan Ghalib. [People]
• Meanwhile, Kevin Federline — who has sole legal and physical custody of the kids now — is in "lockdown mode" and just keeping his ass at home. Smart kid. [People]
• Britney's father "broke down" and was in tears after she was discharged from the hospital. [People]
• Also, despite reports to the contrary, Britney did not have a gun in the house when she held her children hostage. [Perez Hilton]
• Is Nicole Kidman knocked up? Signs point to maybe. [Page Six]
• Author Andrew Morton's new book alleges that Tom Cruise is the number-two guy at the Church of Scientology and that frozen sperm was used to spawn Suri, who has L. Ron Hubbard as her real baby-daddy. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Also, Scientologists threatened to blackmail Nicole Kidman if she said anything bad about the religion, Morton's book claims. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Singer Norah Jones and live-in love Lee Alexander (bassist in her band) have broken up. We know where to find some sad songs for them to listen to. [Page Six]
• An insider says that Paul McCartney's secret heart surgery was one of the reasons he and Heather Mills split: She was focused on him and he wasn't taking care of himself. Yawn. [Page Six]
• Because of the writers' strike, no one seems to know what the hell is going on with the Golden Globes... and it's happening Sunday. [Gatecrasher]
• In fact, NBC may not even televise the Golden Globes. Which might help, since the WGA says guild members would not picket if the event wasn't televised. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which highbrow talk show host telephoned a female massage therapist from the Pierre hotel last week and requested she perform intimate acts with his lady-friend, while he watched? Sadly, the answer was 'No.'" [Gatecrasher]
• Mick Jagger gathered almost all seven of his offspring for the holidays... Only Jade and Elizabeth didn't join him on Mustique — they're not fans of his current girlfriend, L'Wren Scott. [Rush & Molloy]
• Producers of The Hills convinced JustinBobby to play Audrina's boyfriend by paying him as a cast member. Romantic! [Rush & Molloy]
• Lily Allen: "I get upset about illiterate young people. Someone texted me in fuckin text speak without any vowels, so I replied just in vowels." [Mirror]
• Funnyman Jack Black's wife is expecting a second child! Doesn't he seem like a fun dad? [Breitbart]
• Reese Witherspoon was number one in a survey of most-liked celebs; Jennifer Aniston was number two. This country is kind of weird. [Reuters]
• Just like her ex, Riley Giles, an Italian waiter has also sold his Lindsay Lohan story to the News Of The World. Alessandro di Nunzio says LL was "extremely flexible and adventurous" in the bedroom and her panties and bra did not match. Alessandro was "hurt and sad" when he found out that LL was also seeing two other dudes while in Italy, but we suspect cash he got from the UK tab should ease his pain. [MSNBC]
• Madonna: Still in India, doing stuff like singing karaoke with the Maharaja of Jodhpur. [Mirror]
• Charlize Theron's Aunt says her brother, Charlize's father, was "mildmannered" and never would have attacked his wife or daughter. She has doubts about what really happened 16 years ago when Charlize'smother shot her father. [Daily Mail]
• Vanessa Paradis says she is "not proud" of her past as teen pop star — her song, "Joe le Taxi" was No. 1 in France for 14 weeks in 1987. Have you seen the video? She was cute! [Independent]

• Kim Kardashian is engaged to NFL star Reggie Bush! We're starting to suspect she likes black guys. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Britney Spears spent New Year's Eve at a beach house in California with her sons, her court-appointed monitor and her new boyfriend, paparazzo Adnan Ghalib — who was invited to Brit's hotel room last week and told other photogs it was "the best night of his life." Good luck, kids! [Page Six]
  
• A performer at a New York cabaret club spilled drinks on Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore; the owner says "Fuck Ashton and Demi... They spend nothing... I can't stand those two, and I applaud whoever spilt a drink on them." Damn, 2008 is gonna be great. [Page Six]
  
• Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia: It's on! Especially now that she has turned 18. (He's 30.) [TMZ]
  
• Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton: Expecting. Here's hoping that blind item about a singer "living out his sex fetish dreams" is not Thicke. [ONTD]

• Dave Chappelle got into an argument with his wife in a New York City restaurant — in front of his two sons. The wife was in tears, the lunchtime crowd was "shocked." [Page Six]
• Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein (now 34) tried to kill himself when he was 24: He put a loaded gun in his mouth. He says, "It's been "9 ½ years since I've had a drink or taken drugs... but I'm still a drug addict." [Page Six]
• Cisco Adler thinks ex Mischa Barton looks "so hot" in her mugshot. Heart-warming! [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which 40ish actress has finally gotten pregnant for the first time? Her rep is denying it because she's only a month into it, and has suffered miscarriages in the past. Said our source: 'Watch for her to get bangs and start wearing hats to hide her sagging face because you can't be on Botox when you are pregnant.'" [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which gorgeous daughter of a foreign-born billionaire had a fling last year with Prince William? While their families don't get along, and she could never marry the future King of England, the hookup between their clans was not unprecedented. [Page Six]
• Dominick Dunne writes about the inquest into Princess Diana's death in the new issue of Vanity Fair, noting that four photo agencies in Paris were robbed on the night of the crash, and hundreds and hundreds of paparazzi pictures were stolen and have never been found. Coverup? [Gatecrasher]
• Tiffany (New York) Pollard and Tailor Made partied and shared a beer in South Beach on New Year's Eve. Yawn! [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which Las Vegas mover and shaker is having a very public affair with a beauty queen who wears the name of a neighboring state on her sash? 'It's so out in the open, but the photographers know they're not allowed to take a picture when she's sitting on his lap,' says a snitch." [Gatecrasher]
• Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds were wed on New Year's Day on an island near Bora Bora. Mazel tov! This is the second marriage for both; Murphy has 7 kids, including the daughter of Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. The Brits call him Beverly Hills Cock! [People]
• Is Tyra going to adopt a kid??? She's reportedly said, "I've wanted to adopt since I was nine. I have a connection with children and they don't have to come from my womb for me to have that connection." Can't wait to see her teach a little one to smile with her eyes. [The Sun]
• Paul McCartney's secret heart operation: Not secret anymore! The 65-year-old Beatle had coronary angioplasty in the fall. [The Sun]
• Meanwhile, Heather Mills ended up watching Paul McCartney in concert on TV on New Year's Eve. Auld lang syne, sigh. [Mirror]
• Does Pam Anderson's marriage have problems? "Oh, there's plenty," she says. "What can you do? We're all human. We're all trying." [People]
• Dax Shepard, once seen on the arm of Kate Hudson, is now with Heroes' Kristin Bell. The gentleman prefers blondes! [ONTD]

• Lindsay Lohan may be strapped for cash — she reportedly shopped around staged Thanksgiving photos with of herself with mom Dina, sister Ali, brothers and boyfriend Riley Giles to the celeb weeklies. The asking price started in the six figures, but dropped to $20,000. Also, does she get paid to be seen shopping at stores like Armani Exchange and Intermix? [MSNBC]
  
• LL and Riley are dunzo: She dumped him after they got back to L.A. after Thanksgiving in New York. "She got tired of him pouting all the time," a source says. Also, he never paid for anything, not even sodas. Does he even have a job? [E!]
  
• Mary-Kate Olsen is recovering from her kidney infection by partying 'til 3 a.m. She cannot be stopped! [Page Six]
  
• Tila Tequila "is not really bi," says a source. "It's all a sham. She as a boyfriend... MTV works hard to pretend she's single." Wait, you mean there's something fake on MTV? [Page Six]

• Ex-porn star Jenna Jameson and Heatherette designer Richie Rich are opening a bar in NYC's Chinatown. Expect the interior to be delightfully tacky. [Page Six]
• Drea de Matteo popped! She and longtime boyfriend Shooter Jennings had their first child Wednesday, a daughter they named Alabama. Dig the name! [Page Six]
• If you're interested in a spoiler for that damn Sex And The City: movie, click here. [Page Six]
• Paul McCartney gives all his ladies the same thing: a bottle of perfume and lacy undies. Ever heard of can't buy me love? [Page Six]
• OKay, so we knew something was up between Helio Castroneves and his dancing partner Julianne Hough, but we did not realize that she is 19 and he is 32. [Rush & Molloy]
• Oh wow, spin control! Julianne says "I love Helio like he is my brother." [People]
• The season finale of The Hills is only half an hour, but there will be a two days of programming on MTV: A Lauren Looks Back special "video scrapbook" of LC's life from Laguna Beach High to today, the finale, and a live after-show, with the ladies answering viewer questions and an announcement that "will leave fans wanting more." Unless it involves Spencer dropping off the face of the Earth, we're pretty sure we don't want more. [People]
• Conan O'Brien is paying 80 staffers during the strike: NBC is paying them through the end of November and Conan agreed to personally cover the salaries for the foreseeable future. Seeing as how it's almost Christmas, we're sure this is the best news some people could ever have. [People]
• Hey, so you know how Milo Ventimiglia, 30, and Hayden Panettiere, 18, aren't dating? Here's a picture of them coming out of the movies together. [People]
• There's a video of Julia Roberts pissed at the paparazzi. She followed a photographer who was attempting to film her and yelled at him to "Turn it off!" Roberts accuses him of taping her near a school. [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse is heading into the studio in the new year to record her third album, and sources say it might be amazing: "Some of Amy's best writing stems from emotional heartache and turmoil. She's actually more creative now then she's ever been," says a source. No shortage of material, that's for sure. [Mirror]

Of course, if there are children or pets involved, you kind of have to suck up your feelings and remain civil for the sake of your shared responsibility (see the train wreck that is the Mills/McCartney divorce for how not to act). But if you've emerged from a relationship without any warm-blooded dependents, what's the point of staying friends? Seems like people who stay bff with their exes are either a) still smitten and trying to get back together, b) totally masochistic, or c) reasonably narcissistic and fluffing their egos with the idea that their exes are still in love with them. (When we've made an effort to stay friends with someone we had deep feelings for, we'd end up calling them all wastey at 3 in the morning and telling them how much we missed "us." Yeah, not so healthy.) Some people manage to remain civil acquaintances with exes, but is it possible to maintain a non-dysfunctional super close relationship with someone after you've lost that loving feeling?

How To Have Good Ex [The Sun]

• The battle between Stella McCartney and Heather Mills rages on regarding Heather's divorce from Stella's dad Paul! And even though we declared ourselves Team Stella for this one, we're a little wary about her latest overture: A necklace baring a single leg. Perhaps in nasty homage to her prosthetic-using former-stepmum? Ouch. [NYP]
  
• You know how the Armani collections shown in September weren't, er, all that good? (Hello, I Dream of Jeannie pants!) Well, it seems like Mr. Armani gets that: "I want to fine-tune the organization behind the company. I offer too many choices, and variations of the same outfit. I must focus and edit, offering narrower guidelines." [Vogue UK]
  
• Ralph Lauren has poached the associate articles editor of Departures — OMG! the associate articles editor of an in-flight magazine! — to serve as editorial director for some new editorial venture that will no doubt be full of really hard-hitting, informative content. [WWD, 2nd item]

• Luxury brand conglomerate LVMH Moet Hennessy Louis Vuitton has finally gotten its hands on the French newspaper Les Echoes, which was owned by the same parent company as the Financial Times.[Vogue UK]
• The Sundance Channel will air fashion-related programming during every night of next Spring' Fall 2008 New York Fashion Week they'll be airing fashion-related programming and documentaries. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Sorry, can't help it: We love Target! They've commissioned Jeff Koons, Cindy Sherman, Elizabeth Peyton, and Kehinde Wiley to design beach towels which will retail for $50, the proceeds benefiting charity. All because Target believes that art should be for the people blah blah we don't care we love Target! [Fashion Week Daily]
• Australian model Gemma Ward turned 20 on Saturday. And had a "Jungle Fever"-themed birthday party. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Do not put Swarovski crystals on your ass. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Dita von Teese for Frederick's of Hollywood just looks trashy. We know, we know... Shocking. But we had hoped Dita could transcend marabou trim. [FabSugar]
• We're doubtful of a panty that claims to be line-less. [FabSugar]

But Stella is not the one who's turned to the media to unleash her hate. Isn't it crazier that Heather Mills is pouring her heart out to the press? We imagine it must be hard when your dad remarries a younger woman, and you're not exactly sure of her, how do you say?, "motives." Don't get us wrong, we're suspect of anyone who claims to be bffs with Gwyneth Paltrow, but we think we're on Team Stella this time. Stella don't need her daddy's millions — she has parlayed his name into a fortune of her own, thankyouverymuch. And if Mills' allegations are true, well, then, it sounds like Stella knows a crazy bitch when she sees one.

Heather Mills: 'Stella Is A Major Reason My Marriage Ended' [ExtraTV.com]

[London, October 11. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• Rose McGowan and her Planet Terror director Robert Rodriguez: Engaged! She was previously engaged to Marilyn Manson; he was previously married to the mother of his 5 kids. (Did we ever tell you our theory? That Rob likes Rose partly because her name starts with an R? His kids are named Rocket, Racer, Rebel, Rogue and Rhiannon.) [People]
  
• Word on Britney Spears is that she will get one monitored overnight visit with her kids per week. Apparently her behavior in the courtroom was "appalling." She interrupted the L.A. County Commissioner, was "sarcastic," "contentious, argumentative and condescending." [TMZ]
  
• Hmm, or did she address the judge in a "soft and respectful voice" ? [People]
  
• In any case, after court, Britney went shopping at Neiman-Marcus. [ET]

• Is Michael Lohan a two-timer? A Long Island woman claims she had an "intimate, loving" relationship with Lindsay's dad for the past four months, only to find out this week he had another girlfriend. Michael denies her allegations, saying, "This woman is a liar. She's neurotic." We're trying to figure out why anyone would lie about having sex with Michael Lohan. [Page Six]
• Wednesday, Gene Simmons from Kiss slipped a flight attendant a note that read "Would you like to get together???" She declined. [Page Six]
• Jessica Simpson may not have a hot CD or TV show, but she's raking in the cash from Proactiv — she re-signed for another year of infomercials, a roughly $3 million deal. [Page Six]
• Kid Rock's CD release party was filled with Kid Rock look-alikes, ew. [Page Six]
• But uh, women like his look? Because Kid Rock has two women fighting over him. One's a model, the other a Penthouse Pet. [Rush & Molloy]
• Apparently new movie We Own The Night opens with a sexy scene that involves Joaquin Phoenix "proving his manual dexterity" with co-star Eva Mendes. We have no idea what that means but we want to see it. [Page Six]
• Leonardo DiCaprio's model girlfriend, Bar Refaeli, is suing an Israeli newspaper for libel after claiming she said, "I am not sorry for not serving in the army ... Why is it good to die for our country? Isn't it better to live in New York?" Refaeli's lawyer Dror Arad Alon said the statements are false and that she was "wickedly manipulated." [Rush & Molloy, 4th item]
• Pete Doherty plans to celebrate being sober by going on a "Dry Tour" in booze-free venues. Great for Pete, maybe not so great for the people who have to listen to his music without a cocktail? [The Sun]
• Divorce talks between Heather Mills and Sir Paul McCartney have completely collapsed, and the couple is heading for a "full-blown public divorce hearing." The date is set for February — anything could happen before then! [Daily Mail]

• Go ahead and file this under things you hate yourself for wanting to know more about: Kimora Lee Simmons wants another baby — and she wants boyfriend Djimon Hounsou to be the daddy. Seems like they spent the weekend in Antigua uh, trying. [Page Six]
  
• Click! Joaquin Phoenix hung up on a reporter from Time Out New York when she asked him how he prepared for his role as a druggy club owner in We Own The Night. [Page Six]
  
• Lindsay Lohan wants to move to Utah, partly to be with her new boyfriend, snowboarder Riley Giles. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Pamela Anderson: Pregnant with Rick Salomon's baby? [Gatecrasher, 3rd from bottom]

• Blind item! "Which light-footed contestant on a celebrity TV challenge was so nervous before going on that he actually tossed his cookies backstage, in front of the other celebs?" [TMZ]
• Lost actress Michelle Rodriguez will serve 180 days (that's six months!) in jail for her DUI, probation violation and hit and run. [TMZ]
• Bobby Brown is in "great spirits" after having a mild heart attack Tuesday and hopes to perform this weekend, which is his prerogative. [People]
• Oh, except, according to Bobby, he didn't have a heart attack. He "went in for a check up." [ABC News]
• Christopher "Big Black" Boykin of MTV's Rob & Big is going to be a dad! His unnamed baby mama is due in February. [People]
• Kid Rock: "Getting married is the most fun you can have in life. Being married sucks." [People]
• Madonna's deal to leave her record label has almost been finalized. She's entering an agreement with concert promoter Live Nation for more than $100 million. [NY Times]
• Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were in court finalizing the terms of their separation, which could be the most costly in British legal history. Paul has offered £20 million, but Heather wants more like £50 million, and sources say since he is worth £825 million, he may have to pay £70 million. We'd be happy with £1 million. Seriously. Uh, how much is that in dollars? [Telegraph]
• Eva Longoria wants to have a baby, but if she gets knocked up it will destroy the plotline of Desperate Housewives. The show's creator Marc Cherry has "forbidden" her to get pregnant. Can he do that? [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse "flew into a jealous rage" when she thought husband Blake Fielder-Civil was flirting with supermodel Lily Cole. The couple were heard screaming at each other for 20 minutes in a toilet stall and the marriage is reportedly "hanging by a thread." [Mirror]
• Samantha Ronson has sued Perez Hilton for repeating a report claiming that she planted cocaine in Lindsay Lohan's car. The judge couldn't find evidence of malice, and the case could be dismissed today. [Yahoo News]

• Jude Law was arrested for allegedly assaulting a photographer outside his home in West London. [The Sun]
  
• Is Chelsy Davy moving to London to be near boyfriend Prince Harry? Also, y so many ys? [The Sun]
  
• Britney's bodyguard has been formally charged with battery after last month's scuffle with paparazzi in Las Vegas. [Extra]
  
• Halle Berry, 41, confirms she is 3 months pregnant by her boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry, 32. Anyone want to volunteer to babysit? [People]
  
• Did Tommy Lee have sex on a banquette in the Hamptons? Maybe it would be news if he didn't.[Page Six]
  
• "We would drive around and listen to [David Bowie's album] Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars while enjoying a little marijuana." So says the guy who dated Madonna when she was 14 — just one of many stories uncovered by a biographer. [The Independent]
  
• Was Nicole Kidman secretly engaged to Lenny Kravitz at one point? [Page Six]

• Jamie Foxx, elevator diva! [Page Six]
• Zach Braff is now subjecting actress Shiri Appleby to his "charms." Bonus: she's Jewish! [Page Six]
• Newsflash! Criss Angel, of Mindfreak fame, is just a "press whore" who is "using" Britney for publicity — he's not even helping her with her MTV VMA performance. [Page Six]
• Ellen Barkin teases paparazzi. [Page Six]
• Owen Wilson's family doesn't want Kate Hudson anywhere near him. Ouch. [Gatecrasher]
• Katie Couric called a New York restaurant to have food delivered to her daughters — she made the call from Iraq. [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Paul McCartney and Renee Zellweger: "very cozy" ???? [Rush & Molloy, 3rd item]
• Drew Barrymore and "Hi, I'm a Mac" actor Justin Long: lip-locking? What about Spike Jonze? [Rush & Molloy, 4th item]
• Shaquille O'Neal has filed for divorce. He makes $20 million annually in his contract with the Heat and more in endorsements. He and his wife, Shaunie, are the parents of six children. [USA Today]
• Kate Moss has a new boyfriend, Jamie Hince from "uber-trendy" band The Kills. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse performed at the Mercury Music awards! She sang "Love Is A Losing Game." [Telegraph]
• Amy also told a newspaper why rehab doesn't work for her: "I'm of the school of thought where, if you can't sort something out for yourself, no one can help you." Yikes, okay. She also said, "Normal people spend time thinking, 'What am I going to do with my life?' I spend my time drinking." [Mirror]

• Amy Winehouse's "exhaustion" was really an overdose. The singer had her stomach pumped and is still in the hospital. Amy, we joke around but we love you! Get well! [The Sun]
  
• Britney Spears' ex-husband, Kevin Federline, wants primary custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James. Might be a good idea, Britney — more time for make-out pool parties! [Page Six]
  
• Lindsay Lohan's bodyguard spills details about her terrible, terrible parents to In Touch, like we told you yesterday. Plus Lindsay's boozing and drug using. Also, when she was 15, she was allowed to share a hotel room with her 14-year-old boyfriend Aaron Carter. The Lohans: putting the fun in dysfunctonal! [Page Six]

• Additionally, Lindsay was "surrounded by criminal activity" and exposed to alcohol and drugs at 15, says her father. [The Sun]
• Project Runway winner Jay McCarroll is not, we repeat, not homeless. You can go back to your regularly scheduled ennui. [Page Six]
• Bruce Willis' new girlfriend is a former Playboy Playmate, an actress and a motorcycle collector. Yawn. [Page Six]
• Two blind items: 1. "Which very eligible divorced man has his friends in a quandary now that he's engaged to get married again? The friends are afraid to tell him his fiancée is a gold digger who's still seeing her broke boyfriend on the side while waiting for her wedding day." 2."Which aging supermodel is ensuring her picture still gets taken, despite her bad behavior and spiraling demand, by having an affair with the head of a major photo agency? The sex is so strong, friends say, the agency owner is thinking of leaving his loyal wife of several decades." [Page Six]
• Are Paul McCartney and Heather Mills bonding for the sake of their daughter? Does anyone care? [Gatecrasher]
• Donatella Versace has decorated apartments for New York's Plaza Hotel, and pictures are in the new issue of House & Garden. We're sure the décor is understated and minimalist. Not. [Rush & Molloy, 4th item]
• Jennifer Lopez got half a million dollars out of a legal battle with her ex-husband? Can someone please explain this to us? Also, the ex is barred from ever disclosing intimate information about their relationship for personal gain. So, no tell-all book, boo! [Rush & Molloy, 6th item]
• Chris Noth, aka Mr. Big, has signed on to be in the Sex And The City movie. Let the quips and cigar smoking begin! [Rush & Molloy, 7th item]
• Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't know which presidential candidate he's going to vote for yet. [People]
• Was there a sexual assault at the Playboy Mansion? [Yahoo! News]
• So yesterday Page Six reported that Britney Spears' head was Photo-shopped onto some other girls' body for her new fragrance ad. But a rep says the only person in Britney's ad is Britney. Look at the ad and judge for yourself; we think it's inconclusive. [ET]
• Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown was secretly married in Las Vegas last month. [TMZ]
• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal had a secret hotel rendezvous! Well, not that secret, since we all know about it. But still! [US Weekly]
• Tori Spelling wants to have another baby. Has anyone ever seen her show? Where she runs the B&B? Is it any good? [People]
• Roseanne's Sara Gilbert and her partner Allison Adler have a new daughter, named Sawyer Gilbert Adler. Cool name. [People]

• America's best-monikered First Lady, Lady Bird Johnson, died this afternoon at the age of 94. She was one of the first people (sorry, Al!) to bring environmentalism center-stage. [CBS News]
  
• Queen Elizabeth got huffy with photographer Annie Leibowitz. [USAToday]
  
• UN Secretary General offers up the following deep thought: "New thinking" is needed to deal with our current climate change problems. What, is the UN now the NY Times 'Sunday Styles' section of world events? Picking up on "trends" a good three seasons after their debut?! [BBC]
  
• Shy guys: Not only are the less likely to make the first move, but they're more likely to die of a heart attack. Which leads us to the natural, however seemingly absurd, conclusion that the chances of a guy having a heart attack when you put the moves on him pretty damn high. [Daily News UK]

• The latest in Spice Girls Mania: Redux: A BBC documentary on the group is planned for the fall. Meaning that Victoria Beckham now feels a little better about the downsizing of her NBC special on herself? [BBC]
• When will J.Lo learn? Movies featuring herself and her lover du jour = really bad idea. [TMZ]
• The photographer who grabbed at Heather Mills to snap a pic of her in July of last year was found guilty of assault. Mills offered some statement about blah blah blah justice being served. But we want to know what Paul McCartney has to say! [BBC]
• Uh oh Moz! Compaing Madonna's adopted (African) son to a wild animal is no way to make a point about why you shouldn't wear fur! Suddenly, we wonder if PETA is somehow behind Morrissey's recent slew of concert cancelings. Well, PETA or the NAACP. [Best Week Ever]
• Growing up, whenever we would start complaining about something, our aunt would ask us if we were in SIberia (like our relatives had been, in work camps, during WWII). The answer was always no. But we wish we had been! Then we could have been the ones to discover the baby mammoth!!! [CNN]
• We hope to see something on TheKnot.com tomorrow on what the etiquette is when one of your guests arrives a year early for your wedding. [CNN]
• It appears that someone other than us is bitter that kids are off for the summer while we have to work. [Slate]
• Memo to our high school stoner friends: New information about Jim Morrison's death! (Spoiler: Heroin, not a hot bath) [USA Today]
• Evil Knievel and Kanye West are going to try to hug it out. [USA Today]
• A dog named Max, saved by a little backdoor entry! [CBS]
• 2 U.S. casualties identified. [DoD]

• Alpha Girl Next Door Holly Madison to make the octogenarispawn of Hef. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• This one time, George Clooney made a weird joke on Leno about visiting Stonehenge and it was actually an inside joke with the Vegas stripper he was fucking. (Aw?) Also: "He has perfect feet for a man." [Daily Mirror]
  
• My suspicion is that real famous people do not call up People to tell comment on how they got arrested but who knows, Kristy Swanson was on some show called Skating With Celebrities. [People]
  
• Candy Spelling uses her columnist perch at TMZ to tell Britney Spears to stop being fodder for TMZ. [TMZ]
  
• "The past is the past. It was amazing, it was magical." Bet you knew before I even said anything that this is a quote about the Spice Girls. [MSNBC]
  
• Out-of-work Senator Rick Santorum overheard talking about his plans to make a movie. God help us. [Page Six]
  
• Emosogynist-in-chief Zach Braff never defies expectations, does he? [Page Six]

• Tom Cruise is so high up in the Church of Scientology they're letting him perform the wedding of billionaire James Packer. [Page Six]
• Have you been to Starbucks lately? There are pictures of Paul McCartney everywhere, and he looks like a total tool, even for Starbucks. Anyway he's officially a senior citizen and richer than the Vatican, so, I guess, whatever. [Page Six]
• Rod Stewart marries someone roughly his daughter's age. [MSNBC]
• Boy band mogul Lou Perelman charged in Guam with running a Ponzi scheme bigger than he is. I predict this will become one of those fascinating, detail-rich Rolling Stone stories we will never have time to actually read. [MSNBC]

• In the time we took to launder our whites and get over a hangover, singer John Mayer broke up with singer Jessica Simpson. Allegedly over her slutty clothes. Then John went to a party, hit on an Asian model, briefly considered doing her, thought better of it (debatable!) and went home alone. [Rush & Molloy]

• Whenever we listen to or read about or look at pictures of British whiskey enthusiast/singer Amy Winehouse we think, damn! Now here is a girl who is really healthy and self-actualized and definitely seems ready to take that whole "lifetime commitment" step with the boyfriend who used to "sniff her out like Tanqueray." [Spin]

• Incredibly humble fashion designer Tom Ford relates to starlets because he doesn't like wearing underwear either, but says "I am my own muse." Also: He imagines that the world must have been a whole lot more perverted before the spread of internet porn, which we totally find ourselves thinking all the time! Except, you know, the exact opposite. [New York]

• While Paul McCartney and Heather Mills act remarkably civil towards one another in a reunion meeting, Kid Rock is a total pussy who bails as soon as his ex Pam Anderson enters a room. We'd say this highlights differences between them and us, but: Calum Best. [News of the World, Rush & Molloy]

• Director Roman Polanski at Cannes: "It's a shame to have such poor questions, such empty questions." Wait, from the Hollywood media? Surely he jests! [Washington Post]

• Boytoy Calum Best is too busy getting rug burns from sex with Lindsay Lohan to get her to buy him furniture. If this story gets you hot at all, you may want to kill yourself. [News of the World]

• Prince Harry is going to Afghanistan, where we are apparently still not paying attention to a war. [News of the World]

• Xtina joins porn-star Jenna Jameson in endorsing Hillary Clinton. [New York]

• We'll tell you what we never ever ever really wanted: The Spice Girls to reunite! Too bad God does not love us! [News of the World]

• Chris Rock and Courtney Love can be heard on Hollywood tough-guy Anthony Pellicano's tapes talking about their one-night stands, raving paranoias, love of Italians, etc. [New York Times]

• We can't actually bring ourselves to read the stories about the Joey Buttafuoco-Evanka Buttafuoco-Amy Fisher triangle of love/reality-show sessions but, hey, here you go. [New York Post]

So old Heather Mills is gonna get $98 million, for sleeping with Paul McCartney for a few years.

Lucky cow. We'd have charged waaaaaay less. But then, you know, she does only have one leg, which can't be all that fun. But then again, if you're going to only have one leg, it's not going to be nearly as bad if you have £98 million, compared to all those legless orphans in all those foreign places that all those celebrities visit and wander around wearing those funny little hats, pretending they care. Only they never adopt the legless ones, do they? Except maybe Mia Farrow.

And then of course, we started thinking, would we cut our own leg off, if someone promised us $98 million.

Tough one, that.

[ Poor, poor Heather Mills, our hearts really bleed for her, no really.... ]

Poor Heather Mills. She's being outspun by that old teddy bear Paul McCartney in the divorce war.

Everyone knows he's just a sweet old dodder, taken in by a scheming gold-digging psycho who stole his sperm and is after his billions. Of course, as St Paul of Beatlemania, he's got a hell of a PR headstart on a hard-faced one-legged interloper. And when the British tabloids wade in, it's not like Star Magazine beating you up with candy floss - it's real and it's vicious and it leaves a lot of blood on the carpet.

So what can she do? Let's talk about Paris HIlton here for a moment. She made a laughably horrible sex tape, spewed racist remarks, got found out bitching about half of Hollywood when her sidekick got hacked, stole a recovering anorexic's boyfriend and still, still, someone will pay her $200,000 to turn up to a party and wave.

So Heather, my advice is move to Hollywood. You can get away with anything. As long as you're hot.