Jezebel
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die atkins, die!
Diet Busters
Fad diets be damned! Researchers have found that it doesn't matter what you cut back on, so long as you are counting calories. [New York Times]
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By Intern KatyComment by saintbernadette: Word. This is why, as much as I hate to admit it, the big Dubya-Dubya actually works. *Ducks* 42 Responses | Other threads
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the jezebel diet
Bourdain And Batali Talk Wet Spots, Sushi
"I believe in food and sex; I believe in food then sex; food and sex together? I'm always deeply disturbed by people who get a little too excited talking about chocolate," says Anthony Bourdain. More »
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By SadieComment by Penny: Sorry girls, I think Bourdain is HOT HOT HOT. 28 Responses | Other threads
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the jezebel diet
And Eat It, Too: In Defense Of Kitchen Ignorance
Says one killjoy in today's New York Times, "Cooking is chemistry, and the only way to know for sure is to employ the scientific method." Um, no thanks. Pass the butter. More » -
the jezebel diet
What's The Etiquette For Spitting Into Your Napkin?
Today someone writes into the Philadelphia Inquirer's advice column, "Ask Amy," to ask how to deal with her hostess's tasteless fat-free cooking. Amy says suck it up. We respectfully disagree.
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By SadieComment by Everything MidnightBikeRide does is a balloon.: I'm a vegetarian, so I have excuses, but eating over is always the Most Awkward Experience Ever. Any suggestions? 16 Responses | Other threads
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Hottest Food Trends of 2009
"Hottest Food Trends Of 2009" Are All The Things You're Already Eating
Bon Appetit just released their end-of-year list of the "Hottest Food Trends of 2009!" And, thanks to the economy, let's just say you're probably on the cutting edge of the culinary vanguard, because apparently being on trend means feeding yourself like a gluttonous toddler!
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By SadieComment by d.margaret: crockpot! am i the only one who loves to slow cook? you can even make steelcut oatmeal for breakfast... 35 Responses | Other threads
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In Brief
Saucy!
We know what we're whipping up this weekend: a big batch of "Jezebel Sauce." The concoction is made up of apple jelly, preserves (pineapple is a repeat suspect), dry mustard and horseradish, and seems to be used alternately as an appetizer — "spooned over a brick of cream cheese and served with crackers" — or as an accompaniment to pork loin, and lurks in mid-century Junior League cookbooks around the country. Try it — we dare you! [MLive, WKRG]
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By SadieComment by SisterMaryMartha: calling Tscheese! This is a food thread! 24 Responses | Other threads
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the jezebel diet
"Cooking For One" Is Kind Of Like, Well, Regular Cooking
Lately, "cooking for one" is "a hot topic" that food magazines and cookbooks are covering with patronizing gusto. A piece in the Washington Post offers a slew of practical tips on the joys of freezing and shopping and cooking in bulk, all of them good. (And many of which the 'belles had already cottoned to!) But the real issue probably isn't how to cook for one (same process, less food) or what to do with leftovers (save 'em!) Rather, it's working up the mental energy to bother. More »
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By SadieComment by Samanthrax is Sarcastic: I always feel like such a loser when I go grocery shopping. One steak, one box of tampons, one box... 46 Responses | Other threads
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the jezebel diet
Calorie Counting: Worth The Effort Or Anxiety?
There's a piece in the Times today that I found kind of depressing: apparently calorie-counting, the hallmark of 80s weight loss, is back with a vengeance. Inspired by some states' initiatives to force restaurants to post calorie count of all their food, the pernicious practice has reentered the cultural consciousness. Just as we're recovering from the long national Atkins nightmare, we get this? I know Americans need to slim down but does this kind of thing even work for people fighting obesity? And could there be anything less healthy for the many people already obsessed with their weight? My gut (stuffed with 430 calories' worth of oatmeal) says no. More »
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By SadieComment by Samanthrax is Sarcastic: Great. Now I want a donut so bad I can practically taste it. Thanks. 20 Responses | Other threads
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the jezebel diet
Eat, Drink, Man, Woman: Or, Women Like Eating Fish In Mint Green Rooms
FYI: You like meat. But you kind of feel bad about it, so menus have to trick you into ordering it. Oh, and you're really sensitive to harsh lighting, too. What, you didn't know? Well, according to the Times, every restauranteur does: it all comes out in a piece on the often "laughably clichéd" differences — traditional and otherwise — between diners of different sexes. More »
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By SadieComment by Poindextrous: Every man I go on dates with insists on being able to see the room, unless there's a banquette, in... 9 Responses | Other threads
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devolutionary biology
Beer: It's What's For Dinner
"So let there be no more loose talk — especially not now, with summer arriving — about beer not being essential. Benjamin Franklin was, as usual, on to something when he said, 'Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.'" That's George Will on the funnest consequence of the cholera epidemic, which is to say, people like me who think people who don't like beer haven't properly evolved. Click the pic for the key passage. [Wash Post] More »
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By MoeComment by phantomfly: Thanks for calling me less evolved for not enjoying the taste of liquid wheat! more » | Other threads
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the jezebel diet
4 Ways To Get Your Kids To Eat Healthy Without Giving Them Eating Disorders
Yesterday's post equating Barack Obama embarrassing his daughter Malia with his firm handshakes of her ten-year-old peers with my dad's own litany of mortifyingly weird habits alerted me to another unexploited parallel between my parents and the Obamas: Michelle Obama's control over Malia's caloric intake as told to (and invariably overemphasized in) a recent issue of US Weekly. Now, I don't have the issue, but the blogs explain that Michelle used to save time by sending the kids to school with Lunchables, but she cut back on the processed foods when Malia's pediatrician warned her she was "tipping the scale." Now, I'm only taking on this topic because we clearly don't cover body issues enough on this site, but…here we go: it is summer, the season of funnel cake and deep-dish lethargy, and I think the moms of this world need to feel safe tempering kids' voracious high-fructose corn syrup appetites without worrying their subtle nods toward the whole-grain fiber-rich persuasions will later manifest themselves as Scars For Life. As a Veteran of Eating Disorders that had absolutely Nothing To Do With My Mom, I think I'm uniquely qualified to offer some advice.
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By MoeComment by miss anthrope: Anyone bothered by WW's "hyprocrisy" doesn't have to drive through rush hour traffic. She makes the trip home tolerable and... more » | Other threads
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self-help
John Prescott's Ugly Common Person's Guide To Coping With Eating Disorders
Remember that deputy Prime Minister who resigned two years ago with Tony Blair only to resurface a year and a half later with a memoir about his decades-long struggle with bulimia? The British press sure does! And while coverage of this confession has generally fallen into the category of "merciless mockfest", an interview in the latest British Esquire convinced me he was doing bulimics of the world a service. Because while writing about your eating disorder isn't really a British thing to do, John Prescott's method of dealing with his eating disorder is kind of hilariously British, starting with the way his wife caught wind of the problem: she noticed symptoms she'd learned about from Princess Di. Which is, of course, the grand irony: the kids all assume eating disorders are the path to looking like Di and Nicole Richie when, ha ha ha, Prescott pukes his food too! Herewith, John Prescott's Stiff Upper Esophagus Guide To To Coming To Terms With Your Puking Problem, culled from Esquire.
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the jezebel diet
"Croissant…coffee… double cognac."
Breakfast is my favorite meal, perhaps because it's the only meal I remember to eat every day, and every day I have an egg sandwich, and it costs the same price as four cigarettes in New York and tides you over lots longer. So anyway, the New York Magazine breakfast issue hit home, even though its "Breakfast! People Are Eating It Again!" premise was kind of inane (in other news: Drinking is cool! No seriously!), a lameness underscored by the fact that they asked 100 New Yorkers what they'd eaten for breakfast and pretty much all of them had eaten something. Jim McBride, Jason LeMaster and Shane Webb seem to have had the best time. Most acid-refluxive breakfast you ate recently after the jump. [NY Mag]
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By MoeComment by bluepotatoes66: @LucyRed: Tried the fruity ones when I was a kid. Not for me. Brown sugar cinnamon ones all... more » | Other threads
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food
I Would Do Anything For Love But I Won't Cook That
I've never been a fan of "foodie-ism" or really, any cultural movement that muddles art/commerce/housework to the detriment of the public good (i.e. fashion, blogging) but this food blogger I met recently, Michele, is maybe the Joan Didion to my Bill Buckley on these matters. (She also dresses well.) These cupcakes are made from meatloaf and mashed potatoes and that is awesome. [FineFuriousLife]
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By MoeComment by wigglepuppy: @haguenite: my first trip to europe, my first night in Paris my bf and I forgot to set our watches... more » | Other threads
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angst lite
The Sorrows Of Young Werther's Originals: Or, Why Artifical Sweeteners Are Bad
Dear Leslie, Congrats on the publication of your essay In Defense Of Saccharin in the Black Warrior Review. You're a hell of a writer; I totally get what Harvard/Iowa/whatever dude you wrote this essay to get over saw in you. So it sorta kills me to say that you're wrong. It doesn't sound particularly counterintuitive to say so, but artificial sweeteners, like the high-fructose corn syrup they were engineered to replace, are wrong. From a public health standpoint they only breed diabetes and deforestation, but it's actually more your tastebuds I'm concerned about: six Equals into a cup of coffee is simply gross.
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the diet story diet
The "No Diet Diet": If It's Not A Diet, Why Do They Have To Write About It?
Might I direct your attention-and-subsequent-inattention to a stubborn meme that Needs to Die Now? It's the "no-diet diet." (Oxymoronic, and moronic!) I don't feel like searching through the archive of Cover Lies to prove that the "no diet diet," which is basically the same as the "French Woman Don't Get Fat Diet" (and incidentally, the Gwen Shamblin "Weigh Down Diet") — and probably a zillion other diets that would have you believe they're the antidote to "fad" dieting and last held favor sometime in the nineties, probably between the era of the "snack goods with horrible artificial ingredients" Diet and the Third Atkins Dynasty — is hot right now, but today this trend found its way into the Wall Street Journal and this simple paragraph re the subject of "eating less fast" kind of made me want to die. More » -
modelslips
Whenever I Feel Like Starving Myself, I Just Look At "1 Cup Of Oatmeal With Brown Sugar.doc"
You know how every time you get too comfortable with yourself, secure with your identity and your shortcomings, strengths flaws etc. etc., you'll suddenly out of nowhere for whatever reason find yourself plopped into a strange unfamiliar new context that challenges all you thought and believed and assumed was true? Well in modeling that place is called Paris. After a lifetime of holding as a self-evident truth that she was thin, our anonymous model Tatiana journeyed to Paris and learned that the opposite was, in fact, the case. How Tatiana learned to adjust to the harsh reality of her fat, in a very special Modelslips, after the jump. More »
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By MoeComment by followxthexyellowxbrickxroad: I just dont understand why models have to be toothpick thin and flat chested. who wants to look like that?... more » | Other threads
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annals of anorexia
Time was you had to eat a whole plate of ravioli to convince the media you didn't have an eating disorder, but this picture, of model "Judith" consuming what looks to be at least fifteen "carbo-loaded" calories worth of dry Old-Fashioned Quaker Oats, is supposed to constitute some evidence that "models like to eat." Sure. [Animal New York]
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By MoeComment by That_little_attention_whore: @tscheese: Yeah, oatmeal is good for you, but probably dousing it with maple syrup, brown sugar and half and half... more » | Other threads
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appreciation
Eggs: The Best Things Anyone Ever Pulled Out Of An Ass
Another morning, another story about how people should eat breakfast making us hungry to eat another breakfast because, duh, we're bloggers, of course we eat breakfast. (Right? Don't we? Don't worry; I asked!) Anyway, the important part: market forces are threatening to put this very most cherished tradition under attack! The price of eggs is skyrocketing! And Starbucks, the purveyor of roughly 2/7 of my weekly breakfasts is pulling breakfast sandwiches from its menu in response to the recession. I think eggs are a "Giffen good," which is an economic term for those commodities you don't appreciate until they get more expensive. Anna, for instance, eats egg white sandwiches every day but says thinking about the eggs "grosses [her] out." Just wait until you're forced to eat them 20 meals a week, love! So: I am going to get a head start on this and appreciate eggs in advance. Me, I eat some sort of egg sandwich every single day. This habit began, as so many do, with a hangover, and like so many other hangover-related rituals, it became habit. I used to worry it would raise my cholesterol level. More » -
drunkorexia
BAD. NEWS.
For people who like wine i.e. the ENTIRE FUCKING SPECIES: "It could explain why millions forget what they are doing mid-task, or arrive in a room only to forget why they went there in the first place," according to our favorite British newspaper. Time to go on the Jezebel Diet.[Daily Mail] -
womb raiders
When Did Baby Weight Become Just Plain Fat?
A week or two ago I glanced up from my laptop long enough to catch my first glimpse of a commercial whose audio I had heard dozens of times before. It was for Nutri-System, and the audio consisted of a woman's claim to have lost 41 pounds following the weight-loss regimen. Is that Jillian Barberie? I wondered, unaware that the morning television personality I had watched habitually for years as a resident of Los Angeles in the earlier part of this century had since changed her name to Jillian Barberie-Reynolds or, more to the point, that she had become fat. (And, mercifully, thin again.) I consulted Google: indeed, she had gained 41 pounds. And what unfortunate fate had occasioned this traumatic bloat in Jillian's trademark svelte frame? Oh, pregnancy. Hmm. Well, then. It is now a few weeks later, and I find myself mulling the merits of Lisa Marie Presley's libel lawsuit against the Daily Mail for a related phenomenon, the equation of the weight gained due to one's pregnancy with weight gained due to eating an excess of food.
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intervention
Ann, Babydoll, You Gotta Eat Something
Dear Ann Coulter, we need a chit-chat. Ever since you endorsed Hillary that fateful night on Fox, you've been growing on me. The problem is, you haven't been growing. To be perfectly frank, we didn't care so much about your eating disorder before you came out and told Hillary exactly what we've been wanting to say to her all these years re that husband of hers: "You're too good for him, Hillary". But there's a worrisome trend: as your public statements increasingly reveal you to be a mere parody of yourself, your eating habits are following suit. What is this we hear about you eschewing food to chew Nicorette all night at some fancy gathering of the hateful over the weekend? Oh sure, you were there with Bob Novak, and vehicles for the Bush Administration's relentless and profligate abuse of power make me lose my appetite too, but come on, lady: we all know that of all the things God was hoping you'd give up for Lent, calories were pretty far down the list.
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By MoeComment by Trixie from Toronto: @krismry: And so was the hair shade! more » | Other threads
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first world problems
Do Smart Women Write Diet Books?
Running through a recent Psychology Today profile on feminist/Democratic pundit/Fox News talking head Susan Estrich I came across an interesting fact: she once wrote a diet book. What?Dealing with your weight in a healthy way, as opposed to letting it get in the way of your life—which I did for many years, is a feminist issue. And to get stuck on weight, to be standing in a dressing room with women of every nationality, talking about how much they hate themselves—"I hate my hips, I hate my thighs, I hate my stomach, I hate myself"—is not very feminist. And it sold more copies than any other book I ever wrote.
Um, hm. I looked up the book. Making A Case For Yourself, it's called. The last chapter is called "Why You Need New Underwear." Oh god. More »
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By MoeComment by HardyCandisay: Smart women DO write diet books! I am proof of that! I am an ACE Certified Fitness Trainer... more » | Other threads
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drunkorexia
Eating Disorders Can Turn You Into An Alcoholic. Is That So Bad?
Why will an anorexic tormented by the prospect of eating a single grape gladly knock back a few glasses of wine? The New York Times pondered the dilemma of "drunkorexia" this weekend and came up generally with the answer: because it makes you drunk, duh, and drunkenness cures everything, including most of the brain activity responsible for most humans' general malaise. I would also add that wine tastes a lot better than grapes, or indeed, most foods, or that, in fact, most alcoholic beverages taste better than most foods, which is why beer forms the foundation of the food pyramid I established when I was masterminding the "Jezebel Diet." Then there is the fact that if you are one of those people who feels fat all the time, the alcohol kind of solves that problem, and the fact that it can jump-start a faulty upchuck engine, if you're into that. More » -
the jezebel diet
What's The Dumbest Thing You Ever Did To Lose Weight?
SCARY CELEB DIET TRICKS no sane woman should try! That's a story on page 348 of the March Glamour. Reverse psychology? Irresponsible? Whatever, we're reading on! And... well, turns out they abuse Dieter's Tea, do "liquid cleanses" and "stay locked in the gym...and then LIE about it." Oh, Jesus. As someone who has done all that shit and worse — well, I don't think I ever lied about going to the gym, as if going to the gym was something shameful in this society, but whatevs — I thought I'd save the jump for some even dumber diet ideas.
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By MoeComment by Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith: I have ADD. I know it's controversial, whatever, but it's real for me. The first medication I took for it... more » | Other threads
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grill of rights
Mississippi To Ban Fat People From Eating In Public!?
The Mississippi State House is proposing a law that would ban restaurants from serving people with a BMI higher than 30. On one hand, of course, you could say that's no worse than laws preventing bartenders from serving another shot of whiskey to that guy who just chipped a tooth falling off his stool. On the other hand, of course, an obese person is not going to use the opportunity afforded by an unnecessary plate of chicken and dumplings to pinch the ass of the waitress, puke in the bathroom sink, take a piss next to your dumpster and ram into an oncoming car on the way home, so there's really not much of a comparison. More seriously though, would it work? Wouldn't the nation's fat people, faces hot with the shame of being weighed publicly on a scale outside the Outback Steakhouse, simply drive straight to the nearest convenience store and pick up a few pints of Karamel Sutra to cool off? Aren't our seriously fat citizens too poor to indulge in that much Panera bread anyway? Moreover, did Rep. W.T. Mayhall not hear? Americans are officially no longer the fats of the world. Just like with that whole economy racket, we're being surpassed by the Euros!
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By MoeComment by blackbirdfly: @DorothyZbornak: Or removing the confederate flag from the state flag? And letting black people vote. 1 Responses | Other threads
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no fun size
100-Calorie Snacks Are The Downfall Of American Civilization
100-calorie snacks are, among many other things, the reason I despise the word "innovation" when used in the context of the defense of market capitalism. Inventing the Dorito: that is "innovation." Crushing nine Doritos into small pieces and selling them in miniature bags because our landfills aren't being occupied fast enough is just...at best, it is baby food. A hundred calories is a retarded unit of food to try to consume. People in GULAGS didn't dole out food in 100-calorie increments. And the type of food that comes in 100-calorie packs is precisely that sinister brand of carbs that were invented with the sole purpose of making you want MORE.
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fun quiz!
Are You An Alcoholic? Or Do You Just Have A Better Tolerance Than 93.5% Of Americans?
Today the Wall Street Journal asked its readers the question, "Are you an alcoholic?" The author takes a bunch of screening tests like this one (Fun fact! "More than 93.5% of the general adult American population and 98% of women consume fewer drinks per week than [I] reported consuming." Liars.) and gets some conflicting answers. There's also a confusing quote:Charlie says many heavy drinkers, especially those who grew up around alcoholics, set a private benchmark in their denial. "They say to themselves, 'As long as I'm not making a fool of myself in a bar, or drinking in the morning, or as long as I'm still showing up for work, then I'm not an alcoholic.'" You know you've hit bottom, he adds, "when your behavior spirals downward faster than you can lower your standards."
But isn't that just the problem with being an alcoholic? The longer you stay with it, the better your behavior actually becomes — at least while drunk, and you're always drunk? With that in mind I wrote my own "Are You An Alcoholic" quiz after the jump. Compare your score on the Alcoholscreening test and your evaluation of your own drinking problem! Fun stuff! More »
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By MoeComment by Instigator: I was waiting for someone to make a reference to the Lucky Louie episode in which Louie and his friend/boss... more » | Other threads
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clips
If You Drink 6 Beers For Dinner, Are You "Drunkorexic"?
Today The Morning Show did an eye-opening report into a new trend called "Drunkorexia." And by eye-opening I mean pretty superficial, and by "new" I mean "roughly as new as the discovery of fire" and I am clipping it here anyway because it's been a long time since I talked about my drinking problem. The sad thing is, I've been so tired lately that I barely have one anymore, which explains why I passed up yesterday's chance to talk about how I only drink because I'm so evolved. I actually realized the other day that in order to maintain my drinking problem I would actually have to acquire a coke problem, but every time I have tried coke some little intestinal buzzer goes off and says, "Ohhhhh, no you don't! Go back to beer! Have a piece of pizza! Shit, have a martini! Anything that will put you to sleep! Sleep! Sleep now! Don't do this!" And that's why I'll never be skinny, or, for that matter, a drunkorexic. More » -
dollarmenunaire boys club
McDonald's: Men's Health Joins Jezebel In Lovin' It
Men's Health rates the "Worst Foods In America" this month, accompanied by all these disgust-porn photos of the types of meals that seem like a really good idea when you're drunk. And guess who comes out a winner? That's right, my very favorite restaurant chain, McDonald's. Well, actually, Chick-fil-A was the big winner, as none of their entrees contains more than 500 calories, but don't they fund terrorism or somesuch? I don't know, you guys can Google that shit for me, but seriously, reading this story you will learn all sorts of pro-McDonald's factoids such as for the calories of a Bob Evans Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed Hotcakes platter you could eat five Egg McMuffins, and still have calories left over for a latte. Of the Chili's Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream, the magazine says:Would you eat a Big Mac for dessert? How about three??
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By MoeComment by Trashtastic: @Skinny Bone Jones: be my wifey!!! we will live in artery-clogged heaven briefly, but oh so happily! more » | Other threads
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karen carpenter never forget!
Tinsley Mortimer's 10,250-CALORIE Domino's Binge!!!
Non-specific famous person Tinsley Mortimer* has just disclosed what seems to be a somewhat hazily-kept weekly food diary** of the contents of what she terms a week her "low-carb lifestyle" to New York Magazine, and it is difficult to describe beyond: It. Will. Shock. You. Her week begins with a Saturday order to Domino's Pizza, renowned in New York for its authentic "Brooklyn-style" pizza, but Tinsley orders the lower carbohydrate "Crispy Melt" pizza, mainly because it comes with a free order of Cinna Stix and/or Brownie Bites, and also maybe an Oreo Pizza, if you order two. Tinsley would have us believe she consumes all of those things over the course of the day, minus the one pizza she saves for Sunday, and if true and she utilized the accompanying dipping sauces this comes to 6,810 CALORIES*** OF FOOD that would probably be more nourishing if it contained trans-fats, and it only goes downhill from there ... Equal is consumed with abandon, then a few days of total high-fat carb restriction is broken with something we learned from Google was a kind of pasta, and she makes Amy Winehouse look like FUCKING GWENYTH PALTROW etc. etc.
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food diaries
Nothing Is More Boring Than Your Diet
Know how you know it's a slow news day? Yeah, when you read this post because everything on the internet is FUCKING BORING today. Anyway, keep in mind I'm operating under the assumption that we all agree that dieters are annoying, but dieters who write stories about their food diaries and how much they are suffffering are the annoyingmost. (Seriously, If we really wanted to hear your self-disciporn, don't you think we'd be dieting ourselves? Yeah, that's right, we'd like to be thinner, but we'd rather be fat and capable of thinking about things other than whether that hunger we are feeling is really hunger, or just appetite, or whether any of those pangs you thought were hunger before, were just straight-up pangs of First World greed, and this is what it felt like to endure Stalin-era rationing, or maybe your stomach is simply shrinking....actually it's your brain) Anyway, someone is blogging her diet on the Huffington Post right now. (She skips a cocktail and contemplates eating watermelon under her desk so no one will see her ingest sugar, but resists! It's monklike, really.) More »
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By MoeComment by CollegeBookworm: It's the end of the day... Which means I've eaten a lot. No breakfast though, because I slept too... more » | Other threads
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happy halloween
Do You Now Ash Your Cigarettes In The Sweets You Once Loved?
A new study looks at the apparently complex links between cigarette smoking, alcoholism and cravings for sweets in women. On one hand, cigarette smoking makes you less sensitive to sweets, probably because it basically detonates your taste buds. On the other hand, people with a family history of alcoholism are more likely to crave sweets. And alcohol and cigarette use has, in almost every field study I have conducted over the past fifteen years, shown patterns suggesting a positive correlation as well. But! I almost never eat sweets anymore. I hate juice and girly drinks and chocolate that's less than 85% cocoa. It's weird, because it's Halloween, so every trip to buy cigarettes triggers memories of candy corn and Whoppers and Sugar Daddies and brownies rendered even more unhealthy by having been baked with sweetened condensed milk. (OMG, sweetened condensed milk!) More » -
the jezebel diet
Pill Review: Too Much Crapping Is Not A Weight Watcher's Alli...
The news that Janet Jackson will be penning a diet book reminded me I wanted to tell you a story, readers, and I hope you've caught lunch already because it's a story about Alli. Perhaps you recall: I purchased some meaning to review the experience for you, and over the weekend I consumed a few in an experience that resulted in shit, and it reminded me of a valuable dieting lesson I learned a few years back. You know how you're always being told that if you're breaking out too much you should maybe quit probing your pores with Salycilic acid scrub seven times a day? It's kind of like that with shitting, only a grosser. And unless you have cholera, over-shitting will not make you thin for any time horizon longer than Janet Jackson. How do I know? You'll be so glad you asked...
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By MoeComment by whiteguy8055: @drunkcyclist: And you obviously have no problems with regularity because the sun shines out your ass... more » | Other threads
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the jezebel diet
Can Poverty Make You Thin? Yes! But Not Unless You Follow Our Rules...
A new and obvious story out of the U.K. today warns us that "just running errands and cleaning the house and going about your business as usual" is NOT enough to make you thin. But another story in the Times indicates that the whole errands/living everyday life thing is totally making people thin in Cuba! The difference reminded me of a little something the great writer Jeff Johnson let me in on a few years back called the "South of South Beach Diet." Put simply, if you are poor enough, you can lose weight effortlessly! As someone who has spent a lot of time being poor, I can vouch that it totally works as a weight-loss strategy, not that you will have any big Fashion Week galas at which to show off your new physique because you'll be too poor for that. How do you know if you're poor enough? Well, in Cuba the average caloric intake is 1,863 calories a day. Yours can be too, without even noticing/caring! A simple guide. More » -
the jezebel diet
In Praise Of Beer, The Slim-Fast Of Drunks (And Basis Of The Jezebel Food Pyramid!)
Here at Jezebel, "Skinny? Fuck you." has always been something of a guiding credo. Not that I have anything against the underfed, but it was a lot fewer words than: "Yes, some people look better in trendy clothes; blah blah blah, can we just call them 'carbohydrates' again already, would that be so hard?" But eating disorders get traffic, and that's how we're getting paid now, so the other day my friend Jessica and I picked up some Alli, the oily-shits drug Pillhead pussied out on, just to see what would happen. "It's none of my business," said the clerk. "But I think you two are perfect just the way you are." Ha ha, perfect. I thought about this as I took two pills and prepared for the burst.
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1-36 of 36 for "the jezebel diet"
