In celebration of the forthcoming release of HAND AXE: Second Edition, Adept Games is proud to present the world's greatest RPG, complete in a very special, unplaytested, uneditted, RAW format. Here is:
RPGs are games wherein roles are played. Is that not obvious?
Character Creation: All characters in HAND AXE are 3'11" tall gnomes named Neddy. Neddy is armed with the weapon of the gods, a veritible one piece arsenal: a hand axe!
The Rules: As a cutting edge fantasy roleplay hobby game system supplement production line game, HAND AXE includes some of the rules and part of the background needed to play. In HAND AXE, YOU are a daring gnome willing to face danger. YOU desire fame and fortune above all else. YOU will spend countless hours rolling funny dice and lurking about game stores. YOU will make an ass of yourself on rec.games.frp.flame.flame.flame
Carefully copy the character info listed below on to a clean sheet of white paper. You must use white, college ruled paper. You must use a #2 pencil. Failure to do so results in the death of your character.
Game Play: Roll a 10-sided die and consult the Adventure Resolution Chart.
1: Neddy is devoured by a demon and damned to hell. You may not play Hand Axe for one year, owing to your sheer incompetence in getting Neddy eaten by a demon.
2: Neddy's hand axe flies off to the Batcave. Make a new character.
3: Neddy is eaten by a monster! Make a new character.
4: Neddy finds some rocks.
5: Neddy finds 10 gold!
6: Neddy wins a pie eating contest and gets 5 gold!
7: Neddy finds true love in the form of a one eyed prostitute with a heart of gold (your choice male or female).
8: Neddy finds a shiny new hand axe!
9: Neddy oversleeps and forgets to go on an adventure today.
10: Result 10 is so special that we have decided to publish a completely seperate book on it, ADVENTURE RESOLUTION CHART RESULT 10: FEEL THE PISTON!
If you survive your adventure, you can roll again or retire!
You must always use ALL of the rules as written. Failure to do so violates the fundamental spirit of HAND AXE.
More adventure and the rest of the rules can be found in:
TALES OF HAND AXE VOLUME ONE: NIGHT OF THE BISEXUAL MEXICAN WRESTLERS
TALES OF HAND AXE VOLUME TWO: NEVER CRY HAND AXE
And, coming soon, the first rules expansion for HAND AXE:
BATTLE AXE: A BIGGER, BADDER, BETTER HAND AXE
Think the rule are broken? Think HAND AXE sucks? Then get ready for HAND AXE: Second Edition, coming soon!