The tree is decorated, the presents wrapped, the stocking filled. Brian's in bed already, I'm watching a rerun of House with the cat.
Tomorrow we go to the Foss house for breakfast and gifts. Then back home to roast another turkey and play with our toys.
All in all, it's shaping up to be a low-key but happy Christmas. Part of me wishes I had visited my parents, but I'll see them in January.
Merry Christmas everyone!
Tomorrow morning Brian and I meet with the surgeon to discuss my hope to have surgery. If all goes well at that appointment, I should get a surgery date. I'm excited and nervous about being so close to actually having the surgery. While I've only been actively working on this since July, it's actually been a much, much longer process than anyone realizes.
When I was about 14, I watched an episode of Oprah after school one day. They discussed various types of "stomach stapling" operations. I remember thinking at that time how I wished I could have an operation like that. I knew I had a problem with food and my weight even then. Now, truthfully I haven't been dreaming and plotting to have my intestinal tract sliced and diced for the last 18 years, but I have thought back on that day several times these past months.
I wish I didn't have to do it...oh God, do I wish that. I don't want to have to work harder than everyone else just to be "normal." In college I had a friend named Kelly, who was about a size 6, and we ate most of our meals together. She ate anything she wanted and never gained an ounce, I ate the same things and my weight just creeped up. It pisses me off, truth be told. Not Kelly specifically but seeing anyone who maintains their size, seemingly effortlessly. I know it's not effortless...the slender women I know eat moderately and exercise. But I won't lose weight by doing what they do, I'll just maintain the status quo. So I need the gastric bypass tool to get to a better baseline. At least that's what I tell myself.
Well, I have to admit I'm surprised I was able to post every day. I cut it really close quite a few times. But I'm not known for sticking with things, so it's nice that I was able to this time.
Does this mean I'll keep blogging? Probably not daily, but maybe once in awhile. Definitely about the surgery, and I do want to post some stuff about the house too. And I did share one personal story, so maybe I need to get more of them out there...I don't talk to anyone about my past and my experiences, but I do value my memories and I've learned alot about people over the years too.
Something else I've learned this month is that I'm not happy with the person I am right now. 10 years ago I would have been blogging up a storm, and I had friends then, and talked to people, and the like. Now I don't really feel like talking to anyone, and more importantly, I don't feel like anyone really wants to hear what I have to say. That's probably a big part in why it's been so hard to think of stuff to write.
Also, I am sick of thinking of that long-ago Laura and wanting to be her again. I can't be, I'm not young and stupid. I need to figure out who I want to be now and what I need to do to be that person.
So yea, I think this was a good exercise. Thank you to Mrs. Kennedy and to everyone else who participated in NaBloPoMo, great job. I hope to visit some more sites soon and see who else is out there.
One..more..day....must...keep...blogging....
I think this exercise proves that I am not cut out to be a blogger. I just don't have anything interesting to say.
But, did you know that Everybody Loves Tana?
