Tits
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
1. Slang for breast (one of two gelatinous formations on a female chest). (a) The least hidden part of female human anatomy (see almost raped). Also (b) the most jealously guarded part of the female anatomy (see almost raped). The contradiction between (a) and (b) gives rise to the dreaded "dressing-self brain meltdown" in all women above the age of 11. Violation of this precious gelatinous chest growth results immediately in bi-curious thoughts or even plastic surgery, unless the woman is ovulating. c) A perfect object you've been dreaming of your whole life, detached from its feminine host. You'll never get to experience it in your meaningless existence before you expire during your second 80 hour internet binge. If you manage you slip through the cracks of failure, you will be taught a valuable lesson in wabi-sabi (侘寂), only without the philosophical enlightenment — actually, just a general distaste for the human form with all its gelatinous extrusions.
2. Slang for an obnoxious person.
3. Proof that God may exist.
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History
Boobs, despite their influential role in the economies and politics of many advanced nations, have received little recognition for their contributions to man's modern society. Since at least 100 years ago, the Boys and Girls Club has been expending every effort to stop the influx of breasts into every corner of our modern culture. Much like the primordial jizm that seeps through the earth above Ronald Reagan's grave, breasts have found their way into seats of high power and influential offices (see Disney). Boobs have commonly been used as a form of currency as well as a sort of snack for centuries. However, their nutritional value has been deemed negligible, and in fact only represents 1% of your daily calcium needs.
Usage
"Boob" is a humorous and endearing alternative to "breast". Nobody told women about this, however, and they are unable to figure out for themselves because of the well-known defects in their cognitive skills. Thus, depending on the gender balance of present company, this word will receive a vastly different reception.
- If the males outnumber the females, you will be congratulated on your superior cognitive skills and brilliant lulz.
- If, on the other hand, you are unfortunate enough to be outnumbered by women, you will get get pwned in the ass with a garden tool. Blame feminism.
- Boobs are often used as internet money by teenage girls, although for a transaction to complete a 40+ male is needed.
Plural: Boobies
Synonyms: Snack trays, cheese balls, funobagos, knockers, fuck udders, gazongas, meat melons, dirty pillows, sweater meat, milk mounds, baby fuel stations, etc.
Other Uses:
When referred to as tits, can be used as currency to gain admittance to (or remain in) a club or other situations.
See: TITS OR GTFO!
Types of Titties
- Sloppy Tits
Sloppy tits are the kind of boobs that are so fat and unattractive that before the third chick walks into the porno, you find yourself projectile vomiting on your computer screen.
They get their name from the mesmerizing sway and jiggle that often comes with the classic case of sloppy tittitus.
If you find obese tits attractive, plz DIE IN A HOLE KTHX.
- Invisible Tits
Invisitits are the boobs that unattractive skinny chicks have.
See Keira Knightley.
- ASCII Tits
ASCII Tits are perfect for posting in Wikipedia, especially in the 100+ page languages section that no one ever visits :D Add moar. Do it for the lulz.
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- Ideal Tits
Ideal tits have a power level of over 9,000. You will notice that both size and shape are an overwhelming factor here. Ideal tits have been proven to cause tears in the space-time continuum. Any boobs smaller than this would classify you as flat-chested.
Man boobs are boobs belonging to a man that is overweight. Unfortunately, wherever real boobs can be found on display in a public area man bewbs are always in close proximity. See: Do not want
Bewbtube
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See Also
- Manboobs
- Boobpedia
- Breast implants
- Lolo Ferrari Ex-owner of the world's biggest (fake) tits
- Tits or GTFO
