Joystiq

Dear Diary,

I've finally learned the identity of the man I've come to describe as "my secret admirer," or "my irritating stalker" whenever he attempts to serenade me with one of those dreadful J-pop ditties. You know ... this revelation explains his questionable taste in high-pitched music, not to mention the fact that he wears a suit made entirely of Tetsuya Nomura belts. Oh, Mr. Square Enix, how long have you loitered outside my manor window, hoping to catch a glimpse of my recently sagging assets?

According to a letter sent to my lawyer type persons, Mr. Enix has offered to purchase Eidos (the company I helped build in the '90s) in an 84.3 million pound bid -- that's roughly 38 million kilograms $120 million. I find it immeasurably flattering, especially with him labeling my Tomb Raider plays as one of the most successful franchises "of all time." While my people have yet to come to a final agreement with his people, the deal values my company's shares at 32 pence a piece -- that's quite a premium! He calls the courtship a strengthening of his "broad portfolio of market leading franchises," but I think he's really just lonely, stuck with all those "RPGs."

Speaking of which, Winston just told me there's an exotic and highly endangered marmoset running about the mansion courtyard. Better grab some explosives and blow its legs off before it gets away.

-- Lara