Desperate Housewives

The Haves and Have-Nots

In A World Where The Kings Are Employers - Orson wants to make as much money as Andrew. Gaby wants Carlos to get a bonus -- but it might not be worth the cost. Tom wants his family to help him keep Scavo's in business. Susan wants to have the time and money to stay home with MJ, so he doesn't have to spend time with Katherine, who gives him good food, reads to him, and plays games. Creepy Dave mostly just wants to go camping. Oh, and possibly kill Katherine.

Money is Not the Root of All Evil

Mama Spent Money When She Had None - This show thinks it will win us all over by pointing out the Housewives' money problems. Yeah, uh, we have enough of those of our own, thank you. The real root of all evil is Creepy Dave. We all know that.

A Handyman for all Seasons (But Mostly Season 1)

The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened - Beau Bridges shows up as a handyman, who apparently changed everyone's lives for the past nine years or so without anyone of us ever being the wiser. Oh, and he dies, which leads us into completely meaningless -- though somewhat touching -- flashbacks that felt like they belonged in the first season if they belonged anywhere.

Ties and Bondage

Connect! Connect! - Everyone's getting closer to each other this week, but it all comes at a cost: Indebtedness, loneliness, or letting that creepy husband of yours back in to your home.

Home is NOT the Place

Home Is the Place - Everyone hurts the ones they supposedly love (or are "getting to" love) this week, so contrary to the episode title, home really isn’t "the place." Unless they mean "the place where bad things happen." Because, yeah, it's definitely that place.

Everybody's Seeing Things

A Vision's Just a Vision - Carlos is seeing things again, finally. They're blurry at first, but starting to clear up by the end of the episode. Bree's finding things out about Andrew's new boyfriend that she wishes she didn't know. MJ sees a future for Susan and Mike that everyone else thought was dead (or did they?). And Creepy Dave is seeing his dead wife and child. And now we find out exactly how he wants to get back at Mike.

Doctor, Doctor! Give Me the News

Me and My Town - Everyone's in the hospital this week after the fire two weeks ago, either as patients or visitors or, in one case, just to continue being Creepy (Dave).

His Pants Are On Fire

City on Fire - Creepy Dave goes from being mysterious and telling lies to committing a murder and then setting a bar on fire. Oh, and he also tries to do in Jackson by locking him in a bathroom. But then he saves Mike, so I guess it's a wash. In the middle of it all, Blue Odyssey (aka Mike, Tom, Dave, Orson, and Carlos) manage to play a little "Mustang Sally," a song I'm fairly certain no one requested.

Sex, Lies and Videotape

What More Do I Need? - It's mostly all about sex this week: Jackson's trying to get it, but Susan wants to wait. Bree and Orson do it in the test kitchen. Coincidentally, so do Mike and Katherine. Not at the same time, thankfully. Oh, and a surveillance camera catches it all. Gaby and Carlos aren't doing it, but they're being controlled by the woman Carlos gives orgasmic massages to, so that sort of counts. But there are also some lies, since Creepy Dave still exists, and Mrs. McCluskey is still trying to uncover his secrets.

What Are You Doing, Dave?

There's Always a Woman - Sex is the name of the game in this episode, as Katherine beds an ex-con (not Mike), Carlos gives the ultimate pleasure to a woman (not Gaby), Jackson has a naked lady in his shower (not Susan) and a fortysomething blonde beds a Scavo (not Tom). Plus, Creepy Dave reveals more about his quest for revenge. All this, and Lily Tomlin, too!

She Ripped Off Her Wig! Nothing but Spoilers

Spoilers and Spoiler Speculation: Why Did She Rip Off Her Wig?

Housewives in the Media: Mother of Four Drowns Kids

Bree Van De Kamp: Stepford Transplant

Ratings and Scheduling: Desperate Networks

Suspicions and Speculation

1-23: "One Wonderful Day" 2005.05.22

Desperately Quotable

Andrew Van De Kamp: Totally Evil!

Gabrielle Solis: Trophy Wife