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Monday, August 18, 2008
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Michael Bay
MOOD: A-OK |
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Michael Bay you are a very sly fuck. How did you end up in this industry? How do you manage to turn the events of Pearl Harbor into a love story? And where did you come up with that brilliant idea to nuke an asteroid? These are just a few of the millions of questions I have for you. I just hope Michael Bay knows that every single movie he has ever made (and will ever make) will entertain me forever.
From Nicholas Cage's hair in Con Air to the dialogue in Transformers, I just want to salute you, Michael Bay, for making the worst movies I have ever seen. Oh, and also, thanks for just ruining Transformers.... you sasspanther.
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| 02:00 AM |
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
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Prom Night
MOOD: Bored |
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Last weekend I saw Prom Night with some friends. We went as a joke, and what we got was probably the funniest film I've seen in a while. Not once did I stop laughing through the hour and a half picture. From the stereotypical PG-13 scares of people being in the reflection of mirrors, not even seeing people getting killed, bad acting, and then theres the scene where we are supposed to be frightened when Britney Snow runs into a lamp. Dear God, why was this made. Who greenlit this project. Whoever did needs to quit the movie business, or get in cahoots with Uwe Boll.
~ Codles
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| 09:26 AM |
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
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Spiderman 3
MOOD: Enlightened |
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So after viewing Sam Raimi's Spiderman 1 and Spiderman 2, everyone had high hopes for the third installment. The trailer really had everyone very pumped, with rumors of venom, etc. Then at midnight, I sat in the theater with my friends and viewed probably the greatest comedy of all time.
First things first. Didn't we all fall for the first spiderman because Toby Mcguire fit that boyish charm that works for Peter Parker? Well in the third installment, it looked as if Toby was in his mid 30's. And yes, he did have a double chin. As the movie continued into about 60 plots, I started noticing the smaller but more exciting parts of the movie. The painting of Willem Defoe was extremely excellent. But what was more exciting was how many times Harry Osborn hit his head. It was getting ridiculous. First, he whacked his face against a pole, which was funny enough. Then we have a battle between the douche bag version of Pete and Harry, where it looks as if he jumps on a trampoline and hits his face against a wooden bannester. As if this stunt had not gotten old, they did it once more at the end of the film, with Harry hitting his face against a metal pole... again. This was absolutly brilliant. How about the 30 minute segment of Toby Mcguire turning emo? If that didn't have you in tears, I don't know what will. The acting was so brutally horrible I was embarassed, but I had to laugh. If I seriously see Toby thrust his hips to house music on more time, I might die an early death. Then my favorite part of the whole film, the real cherry on top, was the dance sequence. How could the maker of the Evil Dead series want a dance sequence in one of his movies? The most sick I have ever felt in my entire life was when the camera zoomed in on Mr. Mcguires lips as he stated, as if not for himself, but to convince the audiance, "Now dig on this." Which no one, honestly, really did.
So then this movie came out on DVD. This made my life. Now I can rewind all these parts again and again and laugh until I feel an Alien is going to burst out of my chest. Every night I can sleep with a grin on my face, watching Harry respond to the waitress asking how the pie is, and him saying, "Soooo good."
This makes my life.
~ Codles
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| 01:27 PM |
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