None of us can fix the Knicks, unless of course, James Dolan or one of his minions is a Keyboard Quarterbacks fan and reads this.
We doubt it, since if he had the time to read our little Web nook, then he has no excuse for presiding over the worst excuse for a New York sports team. At 4-11, the Knicks have the sixth worst record in the NBA. Of course, after a 748-point to Boston on Thursday night, it's a wonder the Knicks found four teams capable of scoring less points than them for a few hours.
However, here's an idea to make the Knicks infinitely more watchable on television. And the Dolan family, already cable television magnates, will be able to get behind this plan.
We all know about Walt "Clyde" Frazier's auspicious penchant for vocabularic flare and invention. He's been thriving and surviving (when he's not swooping and hooping) for years behind the microphone.
It's time to capitalize on it from a viewing standpoint instead of just impersonating his schtick with your friends or on calls to WFAN.
It's time for "Clyde TV."
Every time the omnipotent Clyde drops a word never before associated with the game of basketball, a little graphic pops up on the screen and gives a definition of the word.
Or, MSG could flash three different definitions and ask viewers to text their answer choice to "CLYDE." Viewers could then compete for prizes for most correct answers each game. Or do it online through MSG's Web site. This has remarkable potential in a time when the team does not. And should the Knicks ever resemble the teams of the early 1990s and win games, having this function in place already would greatly benefit the Dolans' pockets.
When Clyde throws out a word that is not a word outside of Clyde's World, a little "That's not a real word, just a 'Clydeism'" graphic could pop up onto the screen. Or they could ask the viewers to guess if it's a real word or not.
Seriously, this could be sports' answer to "American Idol" and "Dancing With the Stars."
It could revolutionize the way we watch the Knicks on Dolan's MSG Network. Heck, it could even make us watch the games, especially later in the season when the Knicks are fighting for the right to screw up another high placement in the NBA lottery.
But, wait, there's more.
Back in the day, unconventional polysyllabic words that appear in English essays and nowhere else were called "50-cent words."
We can apply this to Clyde TV, too. Each time he throws out a big word, a cash register pops up onto the screen and displays the total amount of money Clyde's vociferous vocabulary has yielded on the night.
Any time he throws in a word in another language, that's worth a $1. Any time he makes up a word, that's a 50-cent debit.
If the Knicks' PR people were smart, they'd hook up a charity to the Clyde TV On-Screen Money Meter, move the decimal point two places to the right for home games and donate the money. In other words, if Clyde's expansive implementation of his own terminology totals $4.50 in a game, MSG would then be on the line for $450 in donations for that night. Add that up and that's a lot of good that could be done in the name of awful basketball.
Clyde TV would dish. Clyde TV would swish. Clyde TV would bound. Clyde TV would astound.
It's either this or we actually pay attention to the game.