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TRENT LOTT G.O.P. leader herds 99 other Senate egos into bipartisan deal. And not a single hair out of place!

SADDAM HUSSEIN Just cuz you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not spying on you. And Richard Butler's balding!

CALISTA FLOCKHART It's just nerves! New Mayo Clinic study shows fidgeting prevents weight gain


HENRY HYDE The House's lead prosecutor and his 12 Hamilton Burgers are told by Senate to forget the Jane Does

LISA MCREE GMA host fired. Looked like Joan Lunden, sounded like Joan Lunden, but wasn't Joan Lunden

MICHAEL EISNER Weaker Disney nets CEO half 1997's $9.9 mil bonus. Mickey gets Velveeta. Chip eats Dale


$287,500 New minimum NBA salary

$272,500 Current minimum salary

80 Number of players (out of 411 total) who make less than $300,000

12 Number of majority owners (out of 29 total) who are billionaires

$14 million New maximum salary (no previous limit)

$20 million Salary Scottie Pippen had reportedly been hoping to get this season as a free agent but won't

$9 million NBA commissioner David Stern's reported salary

5 Number of players currently slated to make more than $14 million (in descending order of salary: Michael Jordan, Patrick Ewing, Shaquille O'Neal, David Robinson and Kevin Garnett)

25% Share of total NBA salary money earned by the 20 highest-paid players

5 Number of seasons a player has to play to become an unrestricted free agent under new contract (up from three under old contract)

4.82 Length in seasons of the average NBA career

55% Share of total NBA revenue that is earmarked for players in last three years of contract

57.2% Share of NBA revenue that went to players during the '97-'98 season

70% Share of NHL revenue that will be earned by hockey players this season

$500 million Estimated amount lost by players because of lockout

$0 Amount of national television revenue lost by owners because of lockout (thanks to guaranteed contracts)

$10.50 Price of Boston Celtics stock the day before the NBA strike was settled (the Celtics are the only publicly held team)

$14.63 Closing price of Celtics stock on day of settlement

$20 Price of Celtics stock a year ago

$200,000 Amount the Gottlieb family in Boston says its four parking lots near the FleetCenter have lost because of lockout

40% Percentage by which Reebok has decreased production of Allen Iverson basketball shoes

1.7 Average rating for NBA games last season on TNT and TBS

1.7 Average rating for movies selected to replace NBA games

32% Portion of fans in a survey who say they blame the players for the lockout

37% Fans in the survey who say they blame the owners

53% Fans in the survey who say they have missed pro basketball "only a little" or "not at all"

191 Length in days of lockout

180 Length in days (and counting) that Tim Floyd has or hasn't been coach of the Bulls

Sources include: NBA, New York Times, Sports Illustrated, USAToday, CNN, AP Online, Boston Globe and Daily News


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MR. T, the former A-Team star, invoking his famous catchphrase while reporting for jury duty in Chicago

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