Considering our love for the above clip — in which Chris Martin shamelessly promotes a fake “Best of Coldplay” — you can imagine our surprise when today, news arrived that that Coldplay will in fact be releasing something called The Singles 1999-2006, a collection that gathers the band’s well-known singles, B-sides, and their debut EP The Blue Room. To make matters more confusing, this set will be released ONLY on 7″ vinyl. We assumed this kind of move was reserved for much-cooler indie bands. Evidently, working with Brian Eno has put high-brow ideas in Chris Martin’s head. We may be wrong, but do any Coldplay fans even own a record player? Doubtful.

So before you go rummaging through your parents’ attic looking for one of these contraptions, we ask another question: Is it appropriate for Coldplay, with only three albums under their belt, to be releasing a “Best-Of”? It was only seven years ago that we thought their debut hit “Yellow” was the new single by fellow fragile U.K. rockers Travis. Bands like Radiohead and the White Stripes, who have larger catalogues, have held off releasing greatest hits compilations. Is it too little, too soon for a Coldplay collection? Or are you pumped?

Although it has less than nothing to do with getting a mortgage, this hysterically violent ad for Ameriquest plays on everyone’s secret fantasies as an obnoxious dude on a cell phone headset is mistakenly maced, beaten with a bat and shocked with a cattle prod — twice — by a stereotypical immigrant couple.

Even more notable than the creative spin on Tabasco as a mosquito repellant is the idea that a food company chose to use a sweaty fat guy eating a greasy piece of pizza in the swamp to sell its product — and it worked.

Most day-after critiques of the 2006 Super Bowl ads picked this spot as the year’s top offering, featuring a caveman getting fired for not using Fed Ex, despite the fact that it didn’t exist yet. After taking out his frustration on a little yap-yap dino, he of course gets stomped by a brontosaur for his insolence. Those Neanderthals are such ignoramuses!

This isn’t the greatest reflection on our country’s collective intelligence, but let’s instead spin it as a testament to the unquenchable hope of the human spirit — after this ad for Nuveen investments aired, featuring a CGI-enhanced Christopher Reeve suddenly walking due to future research in spine surgery, the network’s lines were flooded by viewers wondering if it was true. Man, are we dumb.

Ah, those heady days before lawyers ruined everything and stopped cute cartoony spokesanimals from encouraging children to drink and smoke. Bud Light’s Spuds McKenzie may not have been funny or terribly innovative, but man, you just couldn’t keep the bitches off him. (Well, her, in real life. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

We can’t decide how we feel of this new bonkers Britney. One minute she’s showing us a side of herself we don’t need to see, and the next she’s thrilling us with the news that she might be working with the Pet Shop Boys on her new album. The singer reportedly heard remixes of Madonna songs produced by the legendary synth-pop group, loved what she heard and decided she’d like to hire them to work on her forthcoming comeback album.

Even Donald Trump knows Britney’s next album has to be absurdly good if it’s to rescue her from a life lived as America’s trailer park princess. Can the Pet Shop Boys help her get there? Who else should she hire to produce a new track or two? (Anyone but Timbaland?)

An oldie but a goodie: Now we know why our dear departed Rummy kept ignoring questions from the media — he was too busy with the arts and crafts.

At long last, we can close Master P’s “Where is he now?” casebook with a less than obvious answer: The No Limit Records founder and one of the world’s richest hip-hop moguls — nom de plume: P. Miller — is giving real estate seminars with the gatekeepers of personal enrichment over at the Learning Annex. Monday night, he was in a stuffy, low-ceilinged meeting room in San Francisco’s IKEA-fancy La Meridien hotel, presenting his course, How to Build Generational Wealth Through Real Estate Investments to 80 or so aspiring entrepreneurs.

Known for his soon-to-be Ex-Lax commercial hit, 1997’s “Make ‘Em Say Uhh,” Master P is expanding his skill set by sharing the seven-step plan for success from his self-published book (Kinko’s?) Guaranteed Success: When You Never Give Up.

He gave an inspired performance as facilitator, complete with headset microphone and a subtle, twinkling gold tooth. At one point, he drew on his skills as an emcee and encouraged a call and response.

“Do y’all know what cash flow is?” And then he would say “Cash,” leading the audience with his hand to summon the response: “Flow!” At the end of the seminar, he gave out free copies of his book and posed for individual photos with nearly all of the attendees, including a middle aged Chinese woman in a business suit who couldn’t hide her enthusiasm, blushing and giggling as she gave P a high five.

• Sub Pop superheroes the Shins have a lot to celebrate — their new album Wincing the Night Away debuted at Number Two on the charts, selling 117,991 copies in its first week. Would it have sold more if it had not leaked last fall? Who knows. This is a huge score for an indie band, and we are happy for them.
• Watching this video of Pete Doherty shooting up is woefully anticlimactic. Doherty was reportedly in Thailand with Kate Moss to receive a Buddhist blessing of their love. He split to score and a fan, apparently recognizing him, invited him into the room she was sharing with friends, put on some Gorillaz and shot this footage. Gross. Sad. Gross and sad.
• Fall Out Boy continue to fight “one of the biggest leaks there is” by promoting the shit out of themselves. On February 6th, when the band’s new album Infinity on High comes out, they will play three shows in three different cities to celebrate. Jay-Z did it better last year.
• On Monday NIN will reportedly begin shooting the video for a new track “Survivalism.” We’re guessing this song will be the first single off the new NIN album Year Zero, set to come out in April (a.k.a. not soon enough).
• We all know Ozzy Osbourne is a consummate family man. He apparently misses his daughter Kelly so much he’s considering picking up and moving the whole family (dogs and all) back to the U.K. where Kelly now lives. Awww.

This Brandy situation is starting to get out of control. As you’ve probably heard, R&B/pop singer and TV star Brandy Norwood has just been hit with a $50 million wrongful death law suit.

The singer was involved in a car accident on a Los Angeles freeway on December 30th. Brandy’s Land Rover rear-ended a Toyota driven by 38-year-old L.A. waitress, wife and mother Awatef Aboudihah. Aboudihah’s car hit the back of another vehicle before spinning out, hitting the freeway divider and running into another car. Aboudihah died later that day as a result of her injuries. Earlier this week The California Highway Patrol determined that Brandy would be charged with misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter, which carries a maximum sentence of one year in county jail and a $1,000 fine. But Aboudihah’s family has also decided to pursue a civil suit against the singer, who was evidentally not under the influence when the accident took place, and who has publicly expressed remorse about the incident.

The question is, why are these grieving parents going forward with the civil suit?

Obviously Aboudihah’s family members are in extreme pain — they’ve just lost their daughter, they want and are entitled to justice. On the other hand, according to Wikipedia 1.2 million people are killed worldwide in car accidents every year. Fatal car accidents are tragic but not uncommon, and few result in multi-million dollar civil suits against the culpable party.

Is Brandy being victimized because she’s wealthy and famous? What do you think? Aboudihah’s family probably wouldn’t be suing a less high-profile, less-wealthy person. Is it wrong if they are going after her because of her money? Or are they entitled to all they can get?

The ghost of author Sidney Sheldon (R.I.P.) comes to you in the night while your organizing your record collection. He says, “Ugh. You call these titles? Before I died this week, I wrote titles like Rage of Angels, The Doomsday Conspiracy and The Other Side of Midnight, bitch!” Using his after-lifey powers, he enables you to permanently retitle any crappily entitled album of your choice for all time. Pablo Honey could now forever be known as I Wanna Cover You With Jam…or something. Which album title do you change…and why?

Archaeologists in England have unearthed a village they believe may have housed the builders of Stonehenge…only two miles away. Why’d it take them so long? Well, as Spinal Tap taught us, the Druids were very, very small… Maybe the team just needed more motivational music:

• “Stonehenge” — Spinal Tap
• “Druid” — Deadguy
• “Digging in the Dirt” — Peter Gabriel
• “Grendel” — Sunny Day Real Estate
• “Olde English” — Dilated Peoples

If you’re a good little Rolling Stone reader, you’ll know all about Deerhoof by now. After all, we featured them as a “Breaking” band in the new issue on stands now. But just in case you need further reassurance of their awesomeness, take a look at this exclusive clip, which features the lovable indie-rockers onstage at NYC’s Irving Plaza performing “+81″ from their latest album, Friend Opportunity.

Courtney Love may be a loony former drug addict with an impressive rap sheet and a penchant for acting out in public, but she’s also a brutally intelligent, witty rock chick with an encyclopedic knowledge of music. Paul Abdul, on the other hand, is just a crazy pill popper with an overactive mothering instinct. So, the news that Courtney may be replacing the increasingly bonkers Abdul as a judge on American Idol, is, in our opinion, welcome. Here’s why:

• Love might actually be able to challenge Simon for the Meanest American Idol judge crown. She can be cruel…and just as witty about it as Cowell.
• Love could provide some legitimate criticism for the would-be rocker idols. Nobody wants Paula Abdul or the guy who brought us Il Divo discussing the finer points of a Skynyrd cover.
• Grrrl power. We’re 100 percent into the Kelly Clarkson thing, but that was years ago. When was the last time a seriously rocker-like chick (and not some rapidly shrinking, vapid pop tart in the making) was a contender for the Idol crown? Love’s presence would help wrangle America’s riot grrrl talent.

What do you think? Would Courtney make a good addition to the Idol team? What would she bring?