Ever wonder how people become MySpace stars? Meet the Ari Gold of the social networking supersite.

Suge Knight was apparently rather peeved by a slew of boastful and sometimes threatening comments made by his rival (and Rolling Stone cover boy) Snoop Dogg in our latest issue. “I stepped to him [four years ago] at the BET Awards with my n–s, and he [Knight] was more scared than a motherfucker,” Snoop told us. “That was the scenario when n–s knew the balance had shifted. That’s when everybody felt like the floodgates was open on Suge. Snoop dissed him in public, and he didn’t do nothing.”

Page Six reports that Knight has retaliated by calling Snoop “a rat” who works with the cops in order to keep himself out of jail. “Snoop is a rat. He’s a police informer,” Knight reportedly told The Post. “This is the only guy who never goes to jail no matter what. I don’t like rats.”

Then he proceeded to call Snoop a completely spineless pussy boy, essentially. “I don’t have to go around and convince people I’m tough,” Knight puffed. “The only being I fear is God. Snoop has never been in a real fight. When there’s trouble, he runs to the police. He throws up and starts crying.”

Um, shit? No offense to Snoop, who looks damn good in a Santa suit and claims not to be remotely afraid of Suge or his boys, but dude is a seriously intimidating human being, no? Whatever happens, let the record show that we had nothing to do with it.

The Smoking Section is all too aware that our column, on stands now, features an item wherein Eagles of Death Metal’s frontman Jesse Hughes talks about how stoked he is that his band will be opening dates on Guns N’ Roses current tour. But, alas, how were we to know that on opening night Axl would hop onstage, refer to his opening act as the “Pigeons of Shit Metal,” and fire them on the spot? Are we not but mere mortals? If you prick us, do we not bleed? After the jump, read the inside scoop on what happened behind the scenes according to Hughes– and his theory as to why Axl flew off the handle (again). (more…)

We like the idea that Kevin “Silent Bob” Smith couldn’t contain his enthusiasm for the rock, and was therefore seriously edited by iTunes when they put up the celebrity playlist and explanatory comments he submitted. In the unedited version/dissertation (check the whole thing out after the jump,) he discusses his diminutive cock size (in indirect proportion to his body size, Smith claims) and his love for Alanis Morissette. But he also proves he has pretty respectably taste in music. James’ “Laid,” Bruce’s “Rosalita,” and Boogie Down Productions’ “My Philosophy” on the same playlist? We almost forgive you for Jersey Girl.

Anyway, if you were a famous person, any famous person, what songs would you have on your celebrity playlist? See Smith’s list, and our take on what Jessica Simpson’s might include after the jump.

[via Stereogum] (more…)

We’re not as wound up by Kerrang!’s list of the 50 Greatest Punk Albums (full list after the jump) as we were by Q’s Best Twenty Songs In Twenty Years list from yesterday. But perhaps that’s because we’re simply out of ire. We spent it all. Used it up fuming about missing R.E.M. and Weezer songs and the inescapable omnipresence of Robbie Williams.

Kerrang!’s take on the fifty best punk albums, is however kinda off. We’re missing some incredibly influential punk rock bands here (Hüsker Dü, The Germs, Sleater-Kinney, X-Ray Spex, The Subhumans and about 894 more), pluswhich they’ve included some utter shit (Blink-182, the Offspring,) and they got the hierarchy all wrong on the records they did select (Green Day up top with Bad Brains; The Clash, The Stooges, and um, everybody else besides the Sex Pistols trailing?) Also: Why the fuck isn’t X on this list!? Okay the ire’s back.

What would you do with this list? (more…)

Listen to all of this issue’s Key Tracks

Solomon Burke “Ain’t Got You”
Burke and E Street bassist Garry Tallent find the soul in a mournful cover of Bruce Springsteen’s lovesick classic.
[Listen]-[Review]

Tupac Shakur “Dumpin’”
2Pac posthumously trades fierce verses with two young MCs: Hey, this guy was pretty good!
[Listen]-[Review]

Foo Fighters “Everlong”
A slow-building, unplugged version of their Nineties hit.
[Listen]-[Review]

Swan Lake “A Venue Called Rubella”
Bananas psychedelic rock and drone from this indie-rock supergroup.
[Listen]-[Review]

U2 “The Saints Are Coming”
U2 turn this Rick Rubin-produced joint venture with Green Day — a cover of Scottish punk rockers the Skids’ obscure Seventies tune — into an anthem.
[Listen]-[Review]

Clipse “Wamp Wamp (What It Do)”
As the Neptunes pump up a booming-bass drumbeat with crazy rimshots and synth hits, Pusha T and Malice hold forth with Slim Thug.
[Listen]-[Review]

Listen to all of this issue’s Key Tracks

More: Listen to more choice cuts from the CD reviews section

There is certainly someone out there who longs to be advised by Jethro Tull’s Ian Anderson. Now is a very good time for this person. Anderson is busy sharing his wisdom on a wide array of topics that include caring for abandoned kittens and the joys of Indian cuisine. No, seriously. (more…)

• Rock legend and car crash artist Billy Joel who much like America, has his flaws and critics but is at heart, kind of awesome, sing our National Anthem at the start of Superbowl XLI on February 4th Miami, and will hopefully receive a police escort home. This will be the first date of Joel’s mini winter tour.
• Chastened, perhaps by the fact that everyone in the entire world has seen her hoochie, Britney Spears has been spotted purchasing some sorely needed underthings at an upscale L.A. lingerie store.  We’ll get there, Brit. Together we’ll get there.
• Rachel Hunter and Rod Stewart have been technically still married during the last seven years? Who knew. The former couple are now, finally officially divorced. I’m sure we all hope this closure brings solace to them both.
• Cameron Diaz has admitted that she’s not interested in marrying her longtime boyfriend Justin Timberlake because she’s a total “commitment-phobe.” She does, however, have a thing for catching bouquets at weddings, so if you see her at yours, don’t call security, she’s just adding to her collection. Or she’s wasted.
• * Nobody wants to appear at the Billboard Music Awards. First Britney bails, now Celine Dion has contracted some disgusting seeming contagious respiratory infection resulting in her cancellation. Does she hack phlegm in that haughty French princess accent?
• The yellow Wiggle (you know, from child-entertaining Australian group the Wiggles) has left the band for health reasons. In rock and roll parlance this usually means plastic surgery recovery, stomach stapling, or rehab. In Wiggle it probably means … “health reasons.”

For years we’ve suspected that sitting upright isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and this new study proves it. Let’s rock out (in repose).

• “Lean Back,” Fat Joe
• “Relax,” Frankie Goes To Hollywood
• “Lounge Fly,” Stone Temple Pilots
• “Lay Lady Lay,” Bob Dylan
• “My Spine,” Bjork

God bless America — what other civilization would give Patrick Dempsey another shot to rule as a sex symbol, twenty years after Meatballs III: Summer Job? His reign as Dr. McDreamy on Grey’s Anatomy is proof that there’s nothing we love more than giving Eighties celebs a heartwarming second stab at life. Hey, Jon Cryer — you want a sitcom? Here you go! Aw, don’t cry, Paula Abdul — we didn’t forget you. How would you like to judge a singing competition? You’re so welcome! Who wants a hug? But, man, this is something special: Patrick Dempsey, the ultimate Eighties teen-movie geek, is the TV stud of the year, melting hearts in yet another goddamn hospital soap opera. This can only be good news for the guy who played Booger in Revenge of the Nerds.

It’s kind of amazing how popular Grey’s Anatomy is. What other show can boast such an annoyingly sincere cast of doctors, sniveling through such perfunctory love triangles? What other show has foisted so much shitty music on us? What other show has the cast beating the crap out of each other on the set? It’s no surprise they can’t stop the violence, when they’re driven to the brink by a barrage of god-awful Nellie McKay and Ben Lee and Grant-Lee Phillips songs. Who would check into this hospital? Patients die all over the place, just to give the docs something else to get sensitive about. And Chris O’Donnell? What is this, St. Everybody Who’s Ever Been Annoying Ever?

So why is it so huge? Easy: It takes everything medical about hospital shows and zaps it. These doctors learned their craft by watching Rick Springfield on General Hospital; they’re pretty people who wear white coats so they can drip tears on them, and carry stethoscopes only so they can listen to their own heartbeats in sad, private moments. The dialogue might as well be “I’m so smurfy about your smurfendectomy.” From the voice-overs to the whole McDreamy/McSteamy business, you have to really hate doctors to enjoy this show.

As for Dempsey, he was always great in flicks like Can’t Buy Me Love, Happy Together and the insanely underrated Some Girls. But the Demp’s finest achievement has to be Mobsters, where he played Meyer Lansky to Christian Slater’s Lucky Luciano. (Bugsy Siegel? He was the dude from 21 Jump Street who wasn’t Johnny Depp.) Dempsey did a note-perfect impression of Hyman Roth in The Godfather II, even more impressive when you realize the real-life Lansky didn’t sound anything like that. Ever since Mobsters, I’ve been waiting for Dempsey to blow up big, but I never McDreamed he’d get this famous. Do you think he leaves late-night “Who’s dreamy now, bitch?” voice-mails for Joey Lawrence or Andrew McCarthy? I hope so — he’s earned the right.

The Smoking Section caught up with blessed British soul child Joss Stone while she was busy mixing her first great album, in the bowels of New York’s Electric Lady Studios. “I made two records that are so-so — some of those songs even irritate me,” says Stone, referring to 2003’s Soul Sessions and 2004’s Mind, Body & Soul. “But in those days, it was like, ‘Just sing, honey.’ ” This time around, the nineteen-year-old Stone is writing her own songs and taking a greater role in the process. She’s also found a kindred soul in producer Raphael Saadiq. “He’s the first person to get me,” she says. “This album is me finally letting it out.” Stone told everyone around her — parents, managers, friends and even her dogs — to bugger off as she immersed herself in recording sessions in the Bahamas. The result? Dynamic and personal cuts like “Music,” which features a rap spot from Lauryn Hill; “Girl They Won’t Believe It,” where she belts as if the Isley Brothers had a long-lost sister; and the feel-good jam “Nothing Better Than.” “I was ready to go home, go to school and become a midwife,” says Stone, whose hair is now pink. “But now I finally have a record I can listen to and not cringe. And this is not some ‘Promiscuous Girl’ shit. This is real.”
* * * *
Just like us back in the late Eighties, Eagles of Death Metal frontman Jesse Hughes was “one of those dumb kids who actually sought out the Robert Williams cover of Appetite for Destruction,” he says, alluding to the original robot-rape-scene illustration. “I just wasn’t satisfied with the skull and cross. I wanted the real deal.” So it was big news on November 15th when Hughes got a call asking if his Eagles would open for Guns n’ Roses on their U.S. arena tour, which runs through December. “It was like a sock to the jaw,” says Hughes. “This is huge! I hope I can make Axl proud.” Eagles part-timer Josh Homme will emerge from studio seclusion — he’s hammering away on a new Queens of the Stone Age record — to join his side project on a couple of dates, where they’ll bust out cuts from the Eagles’ Death by Sexy, the sexiest album of 2006. (And check out the hilarious making-of DVD — DVD by Sexy — which includes Hughes’ friends staging a real-life intervention for his addiction to rollerblading.) It seems as if the stars have aligned for Hughes. His only remaining conquest? Britney. “I’ve purchased every tabloid announcing Britney’s departure from K-Fed,” he says. “Seriously, though, I’m here for her.”
* * * *
On Thanksgiving, the Smoking Section gave thanks to Brian Wilson, who gave us two amazing shows in Manhattan in the days before our turkey feast. It was also a thrill to meet the extra-special guest star, original Beach Boy Al Jardine, after the first gig. “Standing next to Brian was a ball,” says Jardine, who looked spiffy in his old, recently unearthed Beach Boy duds. “I opened the wardrobe closet, and it smelled like the backstage of a Beach Boys concert forty years ago.” Pet Smells!

Modest Mouse played Webster Hall this month, earning the lead Rolling Stone live review. Check out the review below, and tell us what you thought.

(more…)

Akron/Family are a four-man band based in Brooklyn, of assorted rural origins (in Pennsylvania, California and upstate New York) and now roaming all over a wide, open space where antique folk balladry, primal drone and explosive improvisation meet and melt in a woodland psychedelia that answers an age-old musical question: What if Pink Floyd gave birth to Ummagumma in the Band’s basement at Big Pink? (more…)

Mass pumpkin pie consumption apparently induces a national record buying binge, benefiting, in this case, Idol alum Chris Daughtry who sold an intense 303,677 copies of his debut album Daughtry this week, landing him at the #2 spot on the charts. To be fair to the Beatles and Snoop (whose records came in behind Daughtry at number four and five respectively,) this post-Thanksgiving shopping week was good for everybody and anybody.

Jay-Z debuted almost as high as insiders were boasting he would, selling 680,0052 copies of Kingdom Come and securing the #1 spot on the charts. Albums that were previously slowing down sales-wise - Fergie’s Dutchess, Carrie Underwood’s Some Hearts, the Killers’ Sam’s Town and even that Nickelback nightmare that just won’t end All The Right Reasons - saw serious boosts this week. On the down side: 119 more people felt the need to purchase Panic! At the Disco’s record this week than felt compelled to buy Tom Waits’ excellent three-disc opus Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers, & Bastards. On the up side: Now those people own Panic! At the Disco’s record.

Watch pop-culture savvy, archival research, expert editing and artful laugh track transform a career-killing tirade into just another endearing Kramer snafu.