KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT 1/19: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of He's Baaaaack!
KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
JANUARY 19, 2009
LIVE ON USA NETWORK
-After the annual brief video tribute to Martin Luther King, the screen said: "Six Months Ago..." Then it went to footage of Vince McMahon giving away money on Raw. Let's hope those winners were smart enough to spend the money on frivolous fun things and didn't do anything supposedly prudent like invest in the stock market or buy a house. The footage shifted to the mishaps with the staging equipment and McMahon being stretchered. Then the Raw opening aired.
-Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show, noting that Vince McMahon returns tonight.
1 -- RANDY ORTON & CODY RHODES & TED DIBIASE vs. KOFI KINGSTON & SANTINO MARELLA & KANE -- Over The Top Rope Six-Man
This gave Lawler and Cole a chance to talk about the similarities and differences between this and the Rumble. Santino proposed an alliance with Orton, Cody, and DiBiase. They tossed him over the top rope instead. Cody and DiBiase tossed Kofi over the top. Kane then clotheslined Cody over the top seconds later. Kane followed by tossing DiBiase five seconds later. Then he grabbed Orton by his throat and shoved him over the top rope, but DiBiase interfered and knocked Kane to the floor first. Cole wondered if Rhodes and DiBiase would use the same strategy of helping Orton come Sunday at the Rumble.
WINNER: Orton in 3:00.
-Cole and Lawler hyped the JBL-John Cena contract signing.
-They showed C.M. Punk warming up backstage. Most bettors in our new PWTorch Raw Prediction content believe he's going to wiun the longest match tonight.
2 -- BETH PHOENIX vs. KELLY KELLY
After plugging the Phoenix vs. Melina match at the Rumble, Lawler wondered where Rosa Mendez has been lately, the Phoenix stalker. Well, that was ridiculously short. While the crowd was chanting "Kelly! Kelly!" at the "start" of the match, Phoenix finished her off with that underhook slam finisher. Seriously, they just shouldn't bother to have women's wrestling if they can't trust them to hold an audience actually wrestling for more than 30 seconds, or else get some female jobbers to play the role Kelly just did.
WINNER: Phoenix in 1:00.
-Orton, DiBiase, and Cody chatted backstage. Cody said he heard a rumor thatManu and Sim Snuka met with Stephanie McMahon earlier, and the rumor is Stephanie might be planning to fire Orton later tonight. Orton said, "What?! We'll see about that."
-They showed a picture of President Bush receiving a WWE Title belt last week in the White House. Vice President Dick Cheney was sitting in a chair next to him looking on with a smile. McMahon sent him a letter thanking him for his support.
-Cole and Lawler hyped Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox later, plus pushed McMahon's return again.
-Beth Phoenix walked backstage and was met with congratulations from Santino. He said he had no doubt she'd win. He said he had a special surprise present for her. In walked Rosa Mendez. Phoenix asked what she was doing there. He said since she can't attend WWE events any more as a fan, he invited her to be her guest. Rosa said she's her biggest fan and wants to learn from the best because her dream is to become a WWE Diva. Santino said: "Please!! Can we keep her?" That got a laugh from the fans. Phoenix said she'd think about it. Santino said he knows how she can impress her. They left to formulate the plan.
-Stephanie chatted on a phone, talking to her nanny presumably. She gave instructions about feeding her, and then said, "Please tell her mommy loves her." She seemed homesick. Orton walked in and said the way Jericho spoke to her was completely inappropriate. She said he knows where he's going, and she's not planning to fire him, so he can quit sucking up to her. He got upset, stood up, and said he was just being nice. He said if anyone should be worried about being fired, it should be her. She said that's not his business. He snapped back: "Is it none of my business that no one respects you? Is it none of my business that the only reason you have this job is because you're Vince McMahon's daughter." He added that everyone laughs behind her back and if her last name wasn't McMahon, she'd be a big nobody. She slapped him hard. The truth hurts more than that slap. Or at least the truth that deep down she'll never know what she would have done on her own, without being born on third base.
3 -- WILLIAM REGAL (w/Layla) vs. C.M. PUNK -- IC Title match
Cole said they just learned that Punk will be in the Royal Rumble. Fast pace early with a two count by Punk followed by a roundhouse series to Regal's chest. They dropped to ringside and brawled briefly, with Punk in control. Back in the ring and he hit a snap suplex for another two count at 2:00. They cut to a break at 3:00 with Punk applying an armbar.
Punk had Regal tied up in the ropes in a submission attempt. Layla distracted Punk and yanked Regal free. Cole said it's no-DQ, so she can get away with that just as Punk didn't have to break the hold in the ropes. Regal put Punk's head against the ringpost and then kicked him in the head, leading to a two count in the ring. Regal worked Punk over on the mat. Punk came back at 8:00 with a spinning kick to the side of Regal's head for a near fall. Punk follwoed up with a running knee in the corner. Regal came back with a nasty looking single-underhook suplex for a two count. Regal followed up with a headbutt in the corner. The ref for some reason shot some words Regal's way. Regal said, "What? You can't do anything." He was right. Punk came back with a crossbody block attempt, but Regal ducked it. Punk, though, immediately lifted Punk for a GTS. Regal fought it off with a series of rapid-fire, but Punk executed it nonetheless and got the win. Lawler said, "Finally, Chicago has something to cheer about!"
WINNER: C.M. Punk in 10:00.
STAR RATING: *** -- Really good ten minute match. Good post-match celebration by Punk, too. All of these title wins within a one year period will be something he brags about as a heel some day.
-A long video package aired on the JBL-Shawn Michaels saga.
-A commercial aired on Jack Swagger, touting him as the new champion. Good short piece capturing his personality.
-Lawler stood center-ring to host the contract signing of JBL vs. John Cena. JBL walked out with Michaels. Then Cena. Lawler asked who wanted to sign the contract first. Cena did. Then JBL looked over the contract and signed it. He told Cena it's official and therefore the reign of JBL as World Champion is now a matter of time. Cena picked up the mic and simply said, "You're a scumbag." He paused and added: "Get over yourself, man. I don't even want to talk to you." He said he came out there to talk to Michaels. JBL told him this is between the two of them, and Michaels will be in his corner to support him. He said supporting him is his only function. Cena said he knows JBL wouldn't waste all of his cash to have Michaels just stand in his corner. Cena turned to Michaels and asked him to listen to him.
Cena told Michaels that last week he didn't compete against an employee or a broken man. He said last week he had a match with the Main Event, the Showstopper, Mr. WrestleMania. He said that proved to him that he's still got it. He said his wife, children, family, peers, the fans - "we all love you because of who you are and what you do, because quite frankly you just do it better than everybody else." He said he thought maybe he lost a step, and then decided to side with JBL, but he proved to him last week he can make an honest living doing what he loves. "Dammit, you're Mr. WrestleMania, not JBL's puppet." JBL interjected, "An employee is not a puppet." He said he knows Shawn is still great, and that's why he hired him. He said Shawn and all of his other employees work for him because they choose to, and because he pays them handsomely. He said he hired Shawn for one reason - to help him become World Champion so he can return to his home state as the returning conquering hero at WrestleMania 25. He said if that happens, he will get what he truly cares about - and that is not Cena's opinion, but a large, large paycheck. JBL said it's not rocket science or personal, but a business decision.
Michaels finally had enough and yelled, "Shut up!" The crowd popped as he got in JBL's face. He said: "The idea that I had to take money from a disgusting individual like you makes me sick." He said he despises what he's become, and he'll continue to do it. The fans cheers turned to boos. He turned to Cena and said he doesn't live in his world. "I'm not 20 years old anymore, John," he said. "I've got pressures you couldn't possibly fathom." He said he has two kids he wants to put through college. He said he has to look his wife in the eye and deal with squandering his and her lifetime savings. He said Cena doesn't live his life. "I got myself into this and I'm going to get myself out it," he said. "You and everybody else can judge me all you want." He said he's going to do whatever he's decided to do. He said if that puts an asterisk next to his name or costs Cena his title, "then so be it."
Cena said he knows Michaels made this decision already, but he should know he has another choice. He said at the Royal Rumble he has a choice. He said there will be a moment where he has to choose whether he's going to be the guy who helps JBL become World Champion. He said after what he saw last week, in his heart of hearts, he still has it and he doesn't believe he'll help JBL when the chips are down. Cena seemed to lose his place a bit in this part of the segment, stumbling over his points a bit. Michaels said he's sorry he feels that way. Michaels then jerked toward Cena and JBL punched Cena. It was an awkward exchange. Michaels went for a superkick, but Cena ducked. JBL then kicked Cena in the face. A Clothesline from Hell would have been better, as the boot was a bit awkward, too. Michaels then left the ring as JBL delivered that Clothesline from Hell and left Cena lying in the ring. Good performance from everyone, including Cena early, but Michaels really stood out. In the end, it fell apart a bit, but it still did what it needed to do, which is drive home a selling point for the Rumble, which is Michaels having a chance to cheat on behalf of JBL or stand up for what's right.
-A video package aired recapping the Mike Knox-Rey Mysterio feud.
-Todd Grisham approached Knox backstage on his way to the ring. He asked him what he has against Rey. Knox said he doesn't have anything against him. Grisham asked why he keeps attacking him. Knox pondered the question, then said in a refreshingly soft-spoken tone, "I don't know, I don't really have a reason."
4 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. MIKE KNOX
Cole said there must be more to Knox's actions than he's letting on. Rey went after Knox as soon as the bell rang. He ducked a Knox charge, and Knox flew over the top rope to the floor. Knox took control and began to bleed from his mouth while applying a bearhug to Rey. A minute later Rey avoided a charge into the corner. Rey gave Knox a loose head scissors, sending Knox into the ropes, but it more looked like Knox ran into the ropes. Rey went for a 619, but Knox blocked it and singshot Rey upward throat-first into the top rope. Knox beat on Rey in the corner relentlessly, disregarding the ref's instructions, leading to a DQ.
WINNER: Rey via DQ in 3:00.
-They cut backstage to Steph as she walked into her office and discovered the fired Chris Jericho sitting on a leather loveseat. She ordered him out of her office. Jericho said he's not going anywhere. He said last week he called her father after she fired him. He told him he'd hear his case the moment he got back on Raw. Jericho said he's there to do that and he warned her he's not holding anything back.
-The Smackdown Rebound aired, focusing on Jeff Hardy and Edge.
-Miz and John Morrison called the original Royal Rumble winner, Hacksaw Duggan, to the ring. They said he could decide which of them he wanted to lose to tonight. Instead, Cryme Tyme walked out and said Duggan is on special assignment, but they had a counter offer. Shad said it's Martin Luther King Day and "our boy" Barack Obama is being sworn in to be President of the United States. Miz interjected: "I'm Republican." Shad said: "That's too bad for you." The crowd laughed. He said they decided it was the perfect time to begin to cut their path to the tag team titles, beginning tonight. Miz said, "Really, hip hop?" Morrison took the cheap heat route and said, "You guys don't deserve anything. You're worse than the Cubs." So every other market in the country is to cheer Miz & Morrison for being against a team not from their town? JTG said they'd gladly earn a title shot by beating them tonight in a non-title match, and if they lose, they won't bother them anymore. Morrison agreed, "because when it comes to beating you two, Yes We Can!" Good mix of current events in that exchange.
5 -- MIZ & MORRISON vs. CRYME TYME
After a grueling whole minute of action, Miz snapped Shad's neck over the top rope from ringside, but then JTG knocked Morrison off balance off the second rope on a springboard attempt. Shad then gave him his sweeping chokeslam for the win.
WINNERS: Cryme Tyme in 1:00. I hate short matches between competitive teams (or wrestlers). A lot. It unnecessarily undercuts the ability to sell matches on PPV and house shows and just breaks that consistent logic that should be inherent in two competitive equals having trouble beating each other 99 out of 100 times. Either get wrestlers over enough and wrestling matches over enough that you have confidence people will stay tuned to watch them, or get rid of those wrestlers and get out of the game of pretending it's about wrestling.
-They replayed Steph slapping Orton.
-Cole and Lawler explained how the Royal Rumble works. It included some stats. There have been 22 winners. There have been 598 "Superstars." Steve Austin has eliminated the most overall - 36. Kane's 11 is the most in one match. Chyna was the only woman to ever compete in the Rumble. The record length is 62:12 for Rey Mysterio. Two seconds is the shortest length: Warlord being eliminated by Hulk Hogan. Three is the record number of wins for one wrestler - Steve Austin. It pointed out that entering first is supposedly a disadvantage, but it's produced as many winners as no. 30. The best number is #27; four have won with that slot. And finally, 70 percent who have won have gone on to win the title at WrestleMania. Great feature.
-Lawler and Cole plugged how fans can pre-order the Royal Rumble by going to WWE.com.
-Cody was chatting with Mickey James backstage. He said, "No offense, but why would I start to take career advice from you?" She shot back that she's been Women's Champion four times. Goldust walked up to Cody and said, "It's been a while." He offered Cody advice, adding that he's never listened to him before, but if he wants to know what it's like to be a true champion, then watch this DVD of Starrcade history. He said it can teach him more in one night than Randy Orton could teach him in a lifetime. Cody brought up how it features the best of three falls match between Steve Austin and a young Dustin Rhodes. Cody said he joined with Randy in great part to avoid being like him. "I'm not going to waste my talents like you did," he said. "Like Randy, I'm going to surpass my father. So thanks, but no thanks. I don't need the history lesson." He said when they make the Cody Rhodes DVD, he'll send him and "The Dream" a copy. Dustin, I mean Goldust, shook his head and mumbled something.
-They showed Vince McMahon's limo arriving at the arena. Lawler said after six long months, it appears he's return.
-An ECW commercial plugged Finlay vs. Mark Henry vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz in a Fatal Four-way tomorrow night. Part of the narration said "no allies." I think Miz and Morrison are likely to be allies.
-They showed Jillian Hall singing poorly in the ring, then cut to a clip of Rosa Mendez attacking Melina on her way to the ring last week, causing the scheduled women's match to not take place, and instead a big brawl breaking out.
6 -- MELINA vs. JILLIAN HALL
Beth Phoenix, Santino, and Rosa Mendez walked to ringside to watch. Melina won quickly with a sunset flip out of the corner.
WINNER: Melina in 1:00. These short matches are really irritating. Lawler called it a short match, but really it's an average match. Short is less than 15 seconds these days.
-Afterward, Mendez attacked Melina. Phoenix interjected herself and knocked Mendez out of the ring, then beat up Melina herself, executing her double underhook face plant. She yelled that she can beat her on her own and doesn't need anyone's help. Phoenix walked right past a smiling Santino at ringside.
-Dolph Ziggler told Candice Michelle that if he wins the Royal Rumble, fans will know his name. Vince McMahon walked up and introduced himself. Ziggler was so nervous he couldn't remember his own name.
-WWE Fact: The most popular sports DVDs of 2008 were: 14 WWE Titles, just two NFL titles, and just one MLB, UFC, NCAA, and NBA titles. You know WWE loves that they crush UFC in that category.
-Cole and Lawler were shown at ringside. They recapped the Cena-JBL-Michaels angle from earlier.
-Vince McMahon did his crazy strut on his way to the ring. The crowd cheered. He said based on that reception, they must be happy he's back. He said he's happy to be back. He said tonight is about business. He said it's time to discuss business. He asked Chris Jericho a public forum to discuss his grievance. Jericho made his full ring intro. McMahon complimented Jericho's suit. Jericho returned the apparel compliment. Jericho said he carried WWE on his back and what did his daughter do but fire him. He said now that he's back, he'll make things right. He implored him to re-hire him and reinstate him in the Rumble. He said he's a businessman, a brilliant businessman, so therefore it's axiomatic he should counteract his daughter's stupidity and make things right on his show. McMahon said Steph can be a big impulsive, but he wondered if Jericho thought she's made any progress. Jericho threw out some big Bob Backlund SAT words strung together, and then summed it up: "She's worse than ever." McMahon called Steph to the ring.
Steph entered the ring wearing all black. Vince led her to center ring by the hand. She looked a bit nervous. Vince said he doesn't want to go over her head, but he is thinking of reinstating Jericho. Jericho smiled wide. "But I'm not," he then said. Steph smiled wide. "I'm not going to fire my daughter, either." He said he and Steph are going to run Monday Night Raw together. Vince said on occasion they're a bit benevolent, so perhaps Steph would be willing to give Jericho a second chance. "It's up to you," he said. She walked up to Jericho with one of those smuggest of grins. She asked Jericho to apologize if he wants his job back. He didn't, so she called for security to escort him out. Jericho hung his head and said, "I'm sorry." She said she couldn't hear him. He said he was sorry again, this time louder. Who's supposed to be the babyface here, because if it's Steph, she's not so good at coming across as anything but one of the least likable characters in Raw history. It really takes away the satisfaction of seeing a top heel like Jericho grovel. Grovel he did, though, begging her to find it in her hear to forgive him. She said, "That's good. That's really, really good. But it's not good enough." The crowd had a mixed reaction of cheers and boos. She said after calling the fans hypocrites for months, it's time for him to be one and apologize to them. That smarted. The fans chanted, "On your knees."
Steph acknowledged the chant and asked him to drop. Jericho dropped ever so slowly. He said to the fans that he has a gift, and when one has a gift like his, when one performs better than anyone else on the planet, it may come across as arrogant. "I know I've said a lot of mean things about all of you, but I'm asking - well, if I've said anything to offend any of you, then I apologize." That perfect half-apology that politicians and public figures give when they get caught saying something totally inappropriate for their position. He slammed the mic down and walked out of the ring. Vince said seeing Jericho grovel like that "warms my cockles." He looked at Steph and said, "You're still Daddy's little girl. Give me a hug." As they hugged, Orton's music played and he walked out. Vince and Steph wondered what he was up to.
Orton stepped into the ring, mic in hand, and said he believes there was another apology in order. "Your daughter slapped me in the face earlier this evening for no reason at all," he told Vince. "So I think you should tell her to apologize to me." Again, who's the heel here? Vince asked why he would do that. He replied: "Because I am worth more than she is." He said he will win the Rumble and then win at WrestleMania and make millions of dollars for WWE "because people pay to see me and not" Steph. He said since his daughter has popped him out a couple of grandkids, she has become "essentially worthless." Vince had to hold her back and direct her out of the ring. Steph strode to the back, trusting her father to handle the situation.
McMahon snorted and said, "Who in the hell do you think you are? You're standing in my ring, in my universe, and you're standing in my ring, and you're privileged to be in it." He said he was going to give Orton a history lesson. He said his father was a mediocre "rassler" (Vince used to hate that Ted Turner referred to it as "rasslin.") He said he put the spotlight on his dad and made him a Superstar. He said he went on to be in the Hall of Fame. He said if he hadn't done that, Randy wouldn't be standing there right now. He said chances are he'd be maybe a gym teacher in St. Louis. Oh, gasp, not that! To be rich, famous, and on TV is what defines someone's worth. Vince asked Randy to apologize to him. Randy stared him down and said nothing. Vince said, "Apologize to me or else?" Randy said nothing once again. Vince said he'd terminate him right there on the spot if he didn't apologize. Randy said deliberately, "You do not want to do that, sir." Vince seemed to lose a little of his mojo for a few seconds, then he huffed and puffed. The crowd, as confused as me about who's supposed to be the heel here, chanted "RKO, RKO." As Vince began to say "You're fired!" he only got to "You're" before Orton slapped him across the face. Vince went down in a heap. Orton then kicked McMahon in the face and then punt kicked him. "Get some help out here!" said Lawler. Orton covered his mouth, registering what he had done. Steph came out and broke the moment with campy overacting, screaming and belching out, "Help! Help!" Medics walked in and began to put Vince on a stretcher as Orton staggered backwards with his hands covering his face in fear of the ramifications of what he had just done. Cody and DiBiase walked out and talked Orton out of the ring. They replayed the kick from a couple angles. It was stiff, showing that McMahon will do anything that other performers in his company do, except take drug tests.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Mixed feelings. It's a memorable final angle. But what does it have to do with the Royal Rumble? Specifically, it's not focused. In general, you want to tune in to see the Rumble to see if Orton is still in it, I suppose. But it's really a big picture angle, not a PPV-oriented angle. Even worse, who in the hell is cast here as the babyface and heel. Do the McMahons believe their demeanor and actions are anything close to admirable, heroic, babyface-like? Are they that out of touch? Or are they supposed to be heels, and did they just turn their top two heel wrestlers - Jericho and Orton - babyface? Mixed signals were sent, and the crowd had a mixed reaction, too. So it's a newsworthy, memorable show, and there was enough other good stuff on it to hard-sell the Rumble on Sunday that it accomplished that, but Vince and Steph aren't in a match, and the final 15 minutes of the show was focused on them. Orton's performance was stellar. So was Jericho's. Steph is still a mixed bag. Vince was Vince, over the top but attention-grabbing in a good way within the WWE world. All of those short matches were really irritating.
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19 Jan 2009, 18:33
Beautiful setup for stephanie and randy.randy winning at wm25 with stephs
19 Jan 2009, 19:26
This report is literally unberable these days. Keller you really are the
most negative person on earth and its starting to drive me insane. Ive
never seen someone has such deep hatred for something they cover in my
life. It kinda reminds me of people hating Souja Boy just to do it.
19 Jan 2009, 19:32
wade as usual you have to be arrogant and stupid in your opinions.
the fact is that wwe is turning stephanie heel. she is joining orton's
group in a way or at least directing it.
she wants her dad out of the way so she can run wwe, on tv at least.
this is youe webiste so you can be as sarcastic and belligerent as you want
but just remember that wwe does not give a damn about what you think and i
know that fact kills you inside because the reality is you are an internet
dirtsheet geek leeching ober wwe's success for a living.
19 Jan 2009, 19:36
The line about Vince not taking drug tests made me laugh out loud.
But I do agree with Lefty, you are a douche Keller
19 Jan 2009, 19:36
Agree 100 percent....the negativity is not the only thing that bothers me
its more of the personal shots like what he said about stephanie being a
nobody and born on 3rd base, and Vince Mcmahon caring about himself more
than anything else. Keller understand that every time Vince appears it
equals a ratings pop and if you want the long "story-telling matches" go
watch a PPV. We get it you hate the wwe and the Mcmahons....get over it.
19 Jan 2009, 19:41
lefty, i am glad you see it too.
wade is just an arrogant ass. he is so jealous of the mcmahons' success in
a business that he does not work in and never will until the day he dies.
he acts like he is the king of the dirtsheets.
he acts like he is a lawyer and has to "psychoanalyze" the mcmahons'
wadw, why don't you get a REAL job and leave wwe alone? the mcmahons hate
your guts and likely wish that you would go away.
mcmahon has stated publicly that he hates you, dave meltzer, etc. he has no
respect for you and your work or your opinions on him, his family, his
company and especially HIS LIFE.
why don't you and phil mushnick of the ny post go form a " we are jeakous
of vince because he has more money and fame than us" club ? you and him
both give "credible" journalists a bad name.
19 Jan 2009, 19:42
I must agree with Lefty Jones. Lower your standards, Wade. This is 2009 and
Raw has been running like this for almost a decade now. Long matches on Raw
went out in 1998. To follow along the lines of what Lefty Jones said, your
report isn't even a report anymore. It's a, "what did the WWE do wrong with
their show this time" report
19 Jan 2009, 19:43
Wade why do you bother reporting on the wwe whatever they do you shit on
.Whats the matter you still mad he WON the Monday night wars. boo hoo get
over it or hand over the torch to someone who can me impartial
19 Jan 2009, 19:51
Btw just wondering off topic a little bit..
a. There ganna go with JBL/Hbk not Undertaker/HBK at WM right...honestly i
dont know as much as some of you about the inside stuff so if someone could
tell me that would be great
b. Is it Christian or Matt Hardy that hurt Jeff or is it still up in the
19 Jan 2009, 19:51
wade is just a self-righteous, arrogant jackass just like phil mushnick of
the ny post.
mushnick hates mcmahon for some stupid reason and he hides behind his coumn
like wade hides behind his "little" newletter.
mushnick always takes shots at mcmahon/pro wrestling like wade and he looks
bad because the readers know that he is biased so he loses his credibility
as an objective journalist.
19 Jan 2009, 19:59
I said it last week and I'll say it again! Job switch. Caldwell's report is
unbaised and a good report. Plus he get's his in on time! I don't know if
there's a time zone difference in that but I'm leaning toward shooty
workmanship. These reports just back up my theory as they're full of
immature rants and grips about how the WWE is running things. (Like you
could do better?) So make Caldwell the editor, you be the assistant or
better yet just get the hell out. If you want to express your opinions make
a "Things to improve on post" or whatever, if you're going to insist on
still doing this crap and giving a simi "Ongoing" Simi Virtual Time
coverage then just stick to posting the results and leave your two cents
out! (They're not called for, nor wanted!!!!)
19 Jan 2009, 20:23
WOW guys, if you dont like keller's writing style, dont read his reports. I
for one dont agree with everything he says but I always find his personal
comments interesting and sometimes amusing.
19 Jan 2009, 20:32
Not the point Michael. I read these reports because there's only two and
sometimes Caldwell might leave something out or not catch something. So I
read the "other" report. (I also read Under the Microscope and the
Specialist reports.) I'm just asking that it be a unbaised report, and if
you want to add your two cents while giving a report then do a different
article or save it for the "Final thoughts" at the end. Don't fuck up the
main report with your assinine comments!
19 Jan 2009, 21:29
Wow, it's ridiculous. This guy has to bash this angle to start out with
before it's even explained. It was a hot start to a compelling storyline,
and Wade shits on it, cuz it's about the McMahons.
I hope he reads this and decides to lighten up. Even when WWE does a
MEMORABLE STORYLINE that we'll likely be talking about for years, Wade
Keller has to bash it to start out with.
Who's the heel and who's the face? WATCH THE DAMN SHOWS! Obviously
degrading a heel in the ring and making him kiss the ass of the fans is
face behavior. Fans were cheering, and they ate it up. Do you feel like a
big man for acting aloof about who's supposed to be good and bad when Orton
attacks Stephanie McMahon for being a mother, and kicks a 60 year old man
in the head?
19 Jan 2009, 21:51
John Morrison = A young HBK
19 Jan 2009, 22:24
I'm not going to ride on the Keller hate train, but it is annoying in
general when people criticize WWE's storylines just for the sake of
But wow, Orton finally won me over with his attack on Vince. This RAW
episode really made Orton look like a star.
19 Jan 2009, 23:34
i'm going to defend keller here. his job as a wrestling journalist is to
report on wrestling utilising his knowledge and opinions of the subject
matter. as a fan, he has every right to be frustrated if he feels things
are not being done properly.
he is not 100% negative about WWE, but there are certain things he is not
keen on. do you think this means he has to stop watching, or stop
reporting, or pretend to like things?
keller is just one of many reporters who prefer to give their opinions
rather than simply provide statistics. if you don't like him, nobody is
forcing you to read this reports.
19 Jan 2009, 23:45
KELLER SUCKS COCK!!
Simply Sim Snuka
19 Jan 2009, 23:55
Can't believe anyone would downplay that money segment. There are a handful
of show endings every decade that the fans remember years later. This was
one. Orton got over as the selfish prick he's supposed to be better than
any time I can ever remember. He was already solidified as a main eventer,
this solidified his character as a superstar. The crowd eats it up, not
because of mixed signals, but because they recognize when someone is
absolutely great at what they're doing. It's why villains in movies can be
appreciated for a great performance just the same as heroes. It's just
beyond me that anyone could watch that last segment and not understand why
it was greatness. I'm not a Wade hater but I do feel sorry for you if you
didn't get that, Wade.
Raw is Orton
20 Jan 2009, 00:19
I love how there was a sentiment earlier along the lines of "Wade couldn't
do a better job than WWE" and then you get the same people criticising Wade
for his journalistic style...Sounds like a lot of people need to take their
own advice, as if they could do better!
20 Jan 2009, 01:51
Be nice guys. I enjoy reading the recaps here at at Dot Net, because I
can't watch Raw right now with my current work schedule. I don't mind how
positive or negative it is, I just like reading what happened. Keep at it,
20 Jan 2009, 03:03
The fact that Wade Keller was oh so irritated about the short matches is
just proof he's really, really out of touch with the wrestling business or
perhaps he's never been in touch with it at all.
WWE's PPV business has been slumping for a few years now so why would they
give away long, competitive matches on the last Raw before Royal Rumble
when the sole purpose of a Go-Home show is to entice people to plunk down
$40 (which might as well be $100 these days) for the PPV?
And Wade, we get it. You HATE Vince AND Stephanie. That's why you mock
Steph's appearance (while bashing Triple H for doing the same to Vickie on
Smackdown) when she's a woman who apparently had the "nerve" to have
children altering her body. And we know you blame Vince for EVERYTHING and
have an obsessive, unhealthy hatred for the man. Give it a rest because
it's gotten OLD.
You guys notice Keller and Caldwell never seem to have much response to
factual criticisms? They're kind of like TNA. If we don't get their "humor"
or "intellect", it's not them, it's us. We're the idiots.. How very, very
20 Jan 2009, 03:06
With the bitch tits Shad has it looks like Vince isn't the only one not
being drug tested.
20 Jan 2009, 03:12
Keller - the only thing i'd change about your colums is more of your
personal thoughts, honestly. that is why I enjoy reading dot net reviews. I
like reading that the columnist has a fucking thought in their head, as
opposed to just transcribing the event. The ending angle was pretty decent,
though, so for Keller to dislike it is exactly what the heel owner of the
company is supposed to do. get it? am i the only one who's not blind to
20 Jan 2009, 03:33
Anyone want to talk about the actual show rather than how much you hate the
guy who's article you just read??
I think the Rey/Knox angle somehow involves Kane. Like when Knox was off
TV maybe Kane had him locked up somewhere and made him hate Rey too. (I
didn't suggest it was a GOOD angle, just a thought on what WWE might have
20 Jan 2009, 03:45
I actually get more of a kick out of reading the comments aimed at Keller
than his column... While I do not condone the comments that are demeaning
or vulgar, the ones that address hs inability to just enjoy a product or to
not repeat the same old criticisms week after week I think are right on.
Why do we need 2 recaps? Let Caldwell's article (which I have always
preferred although he is beginning to "Kellerize' himself)be the standing
Raw recap and Keller can just write an editorial. This way if we do not
want to read him for recaps we don't have to. (Not an original idea, I
know, but one I agree with)
Ultimately it's his gig and we are all here for a reason, so it's
ultimately up to us to decide what we like here and what we don't. That
said, tonights show was enjoyable for me and I will be getting the
rumble... Chalk that up to the fact that I'll be at the Hall of Fame and
Wrestlemania and Raw the night after this year... Have to get invested in
what;s going on! Peace everybody...
20 Jan 2009, 04:07
I understood what Wade meant-the whole storyline at the end of the show was
a bit bizarre. The "rich, arrogant" Stephanie making Jericho get on his
knees and beg for his job kinda blurred the lines between who was face and
who was heel...It was really hard not to feel sorry for Jericho; and having
Orton step up and kick McMahon in the face kind of turned him more towards
a cool heel then a true heel IMO, as McMahon and Steph both cam accross as
complete asses rather than faces during this whole segmant.
20 Jan 2009, 04:12
Wade: it ain't about the matches, it's about the entertainment, brother,
which sometimes has nothing to do with the matches - like the
off-the-charts finale with Vince, Steph, Jericho, and especially Orton. Who
cares if none of them are in a match together? I watch Raw to be
entertained, and that segment entertained me more than any match on the
show. It has me (and lots of others) thinking about what happens next.
As for your dislike of short matches, think of it this way: a good writer
varies the length of his sentences. Some are long, like the last one. Some
are short. It keeps the flow flowing. I couldn't sit through two hours
filled with nothing but 10-15 minutes matches. That'd be the broadcast
equivalent of a textbook on German philosophy. Gimme a couple long, a few
short, and fill the rest with cool segments, interviews, and comedy.
By the way, what's with all the hatin' in these comments? Just because you
don't agree with everything Keller says doesn't mean you have to hate the
guy (unless he ran over your dog or raped your sister). He does good,
dependable work, day in, day out. That's not easy. Who's being jealous of
20 Jan 2009, 04:33
People, honestly, stop calling the Torch a dirtsheet, like you're a 50
year-old pro wrestler who has been in the business for 25 years. If
dirtsheets are so beneath you, why bother leaving comments? And who's a
bigger loser or douchebag? The guy who has run the Torch for 20+ years,
interviewed every major wrestler in the business, or the people making
hateful statements on the comment section of said internet wrestling
website? The short matches are a problem. I'm sure Keller is not
advocating 25 minute matches every week. However, in order to keep up the
suspension of belief, matches have to go a minimum of three or four
minutes. Wasn't the Regal-Punk match alot more exciting than Cryme Tyme vs.
Miz/Morrison? And I can see how some wrestling fans who started watching
RAW post WrestleMania 17 don't find the McMahons a huge problem and take
issue with Keller's critique of their position on the show. You guys are
at least three or four years behind in McMahon over-saturation. Vince &
Stephanie should not be making a strong heel like Jericho beg for his job
because it won't lead to a match between them. Jericho has worked very
hard to get his character to this point, and it's completely undermined
when a non-wrestler makes him look like such a bitch.
20 Jan 2009, 04:36
"mcmahon has stated publicly that he hates you, dave meltzer, etc. he has
no respect for you and your work or your opinions on him, his family, his
company and especially HIS LIFE."
Isn't it amazing that a billionnaire has stated publicly (if you say so - I
haven't bothered to confirm it) that he 'hates' and 'has no respect' for
some guys with Web sites who write about pro wrestling?
I wouldn't bother making a public comment about someone who meant nothing
to me and whose work I ignored.
I suppose Vince - who is all about control - 'hates' the front-line
wrestling journalists because he can't control them. Quite a few directors
and actors probably hate Roger Ebert, too. All the more reason to read his
20 Jan 2009, 05:15
Wade Keller is the new Georgeous George. Cassius Clay saw those huge
lineups around the block and saw that fans who claimed they despised the
"heel" couldn't get their wallets out fast enough to buy tickets to watch
Georgeous George perform.
Same goes for the Keller hatred here.
Knob-gobbling VKMophiliacs like
e's-employing-today are ADDICTED to the Torch.
Sure, he'll tell you he hates it, can't stand it, calls it a dirtsheet
etc., but then they'll return to the website five times a day expending
valuable time and energy typing nasty comments.
The Torch-Haters-4-Life are Gollum, they hates themselves and needs their
preciousssss fix every day.
We all know life is short, and we know that Keller-haters could do
something constructive with their short lives instead of spending most of
their waking hours camped at The Torch.
But addicts can't help themselves.
They're so fixated -- and often so deluded -- as to invent ficticious
double-identities and post under *additional* names and expect the rest of
us are so ignorant that can't recognize the sheer transparency and
obviousness of their pretend double-identities.
It's like Superman putting on a pair of glasses and we're supposed to
believe it's actually Clark Kent. I mean, wrestling involves fakery, but
that doesn't mean every mark has to check their brains at the door.
SKEPTICISM: I'm beginning to wonder if these so-called Keller-haters aren't
in fact shills and lackeys planted to stir up a little controversy and pad
the individual page clicks so that Keller can jack up his rates for
Get it into your heads you dumbasses -- if you really despise the Torch so
much, then ONE) why do you waste so much of your lives giving it over to
Keller? And TWO) why do you do it when you know that your traffic impresses
advertisers and fattens Keller's wallet?
I'll tell you why - 'cuz you're like crack addicts, frittering away your
own meaningless lives and rewarding the pusher.
Me? I just come here 'cos the Torch is the best free service for up-to-date
wrestling news, information, commentaries and opinions, and because Keller
is secure enough in his own skin that he can live with a few assmunching
Village Idiots and their wilting impotent peashooters.
Marcus K. Fabian
20 Jan 2009, 05:31
The WWE had a chance to hit a grand slam last night, but only managed to
hit a stand-up double. If done properly, Orton could be the hottest
face/heel “tweener” since Steve Austin. The booking wasn’t fantastic
last night, but it WAS better than usual. A couple of suggestions,
If I were booking RAW last night, here’s how the final segment would have
I would have had Randy Orton hit the ring with Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase
for the confrontation with Vince and Stephanie. Everything else would have
gone as it did last night. But once Orton punted Vince in the head, Rhodes
and DiBiase would distance themselves from Orton, so as to not be punished
for their association with him.
As the EMTs and Stephanie hit the ring, Rhodes and DiBiase would meet
Stephanie halfway down the entrance ramp, telling her that they had nothing
to do with this and they want nothing to do with Orton. Stephanie,
obviously concerned for her father, ignores them and continues on to the
While Stephanie is hanging over Vince and concerned for him, the stunned
look on Orton’s face changes to an evil smile. His glazed-over, far-away
smile gets more intense as he punts Stephanie in the head as well. Vince
and Stephanie are now BOTH laid out. Jerry Lawler leaves the broadcast
booth to check on the McMahons. Lawler screams at Orton, asking Orton if
he’s crazy. Orton, in a daze, stares right through Lawler and leaves the
ring. The broadcast ends with a tight shot of Orton’s glazed-over
“I’m a psychopathic killer” look staring off into space as he slowly
makes his way up the ramp.
Billy Bob Tweed
20 Jan 2009, 05:56
The Orton punt was the high spot of the night. Unquestionably.
But there were other cool moments, with honorable mentions going to every
single second Chris Jericho was on screen.
Then there was the contract signing, which I loved, with reservations.
Cena's mic work was lame. JBL was awesome, and HBK even moreso.
Cena: "You're Mr. Wrestlemania." (O-kay.)
JBL: "That's why I hired him." (Excellent.)
HBK to JBL: "Shut up." (Good.)
HBK to Cena: "Leave me alone. It's not about pride. It's about family. It's
my decision." (Perfect.)
Cena: "Don't do it. You're Mr. Wrestlemania." (Groan.)
How I'd wished before Shawn and JBL double-teamed Cena, that Shawn had
said, "John, seriously dude, I am Mr. Wrestlemania. I was main-eventing
when you were in diapers. I've accomplished more than you can ever dream. I
do have pride in my career, but you Sonny-boy need to RESPECT my decision.
It shames me to admit, that Chris Jericho might have been right. These fans
mean nothing to me. All that matters is my family, and no fan or snot-nosed
johnny-come-lately pin-up boy, good intentioned-or-not, is gonna come into
this ring and tell me differently. Back off kid and show me some respect."
As it was, what seemed like a reluctant HBK whacking Cena - i.e. only doing
his duty to collect a paycheck - now looks like a justified slap across
Cena's face, because Cena has no business interfering in Michaels personal
and professional affairs, and should have politely retreated when Shawn
rebuffed him the first time.
Can't say Cena wasn't warned.
20 Jan 2009, 07:32
Yes Keller can be too negative, but for the most part he is pretty spot on.
once again, if you dont like it WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?! I dont agree with him
all the time but i do enjoy his opinions.
Ready for as shocker? The orton angle with vince rocked. i still think
orton sucks, but on raw he was gold. to me this is different than austin in
a lot of ways. the orton character didnt attack vince "cause he dont take
shit from nobody" he attacked because he is that much of a spoiled arrogant
prick. perfect. loved it. i was just hoping after he stood back looking
worried about vince, he focused on stephanie and punted HER in the head
too. give the camera some crazy eyes after it. the biggest way this could
be ruined? Stephanie setting it up. takes all the heat off of orton and
puts it on her and considering she cant headline wrestlemania they need to
keep this all on randy. im praising randy orton...what is this world
20 Jan 2009, 08:47
taught this was a wrsetling site but seems be a bitchoing site for ex
wrestling jornalists who havent a clue what there on about. yah that was a
crap report by the soon to be assistant editor hopefully. shud go cover ufc
or tna fulltime. but no the wrestling fans all read prowrestling.net as it
doesnt have all these kids fighting over the reports. be the same on
sunday. if ye want to be 10 year old cena lovers go to a forum..
20 Jan 2009, 10:35
go to hell barton keyes. i pray that you die of a drug overdose since you
are obviously a crack addicted , brainless street thug.
i do hate wade keller and all the other dirtsheet writers because they are
nothing more than parasites who leech off the success of wwe.
vince mcmahon is a good human being. he is a loving husband, father and
he is not satan just because the dirtsheets and iwc punks label him that
mcmahon produces an ENTERTAINMENT product and not a rassling show.
you want a rassling show then go see the indies and watch the wrestler
mcmahon is famous because in the past year, he has shown tv statements from
presidential candidates, former president bush and new president obama.
i am sick and tired of wwe/mcmahon being blamed for the ills of industry.
the majority of all the wrestlers who have died did so because of their
look at curt hennig; if he was perfect, he would not have died of a cocaine
overdose. if hennig was my dad, i would have disowned him for being a
keller is just jealous of mcamahon's success and wants to see him taken
down to his level out of pure spite.
mcmahon is smart and he even told congress that the so-called "journalists"
in pro rassling have zero credibility except for being dirt mongers.
mcmahon knows he can't afford another tragedy because he has to protect the
future of his global, public company.
he does not need dirt sheet writers to tell him how to operate his company
when they have zero interest in it.
20 Jan 2009, 10:50
Seriously - do none of you fools have anything better to do than come here
and bash Keller??? Supply and demand idiots - if there are enough people
who want to read recaps and opinions on WWE shows, then sites like this
exist. If you don't agree with their views or are morally against their
existance, just stick to porn sites.
20 Jan 2009, 11:04
you go stick to porn sites, clone asswipe; your sister likely works for
the problem with dirtsheet writers' opinions on wwe is that there opinions
are 100 percent wrong and unwanted by wwe management.
20 Jan 2009, 11:21
Chris, that's the entire point. The opinions found in "dirtsheets" are
unwanted by WWE management. Bingo! That's precisely why some of us love
reading them. If we wanted to read only what WWE management orthodoxy tells
us, then we'd go exclsuively to WWE.com and wouldn't even bother with the
dirtsheets (that you seem to love sleeping in).
I come to the Torch for exactly the same reason you do - alternate news and
commentary. If there's a difference, it's that you seem to be a
self-annointed WWE Knight in Shining Armor with an unhealthy obsession with
I sure hope you don't have your spare hand down your shorts while you type
this stuff, because it's implausible you have enough time to bathe and
dress yourself, let alone have a girlfriend and sexual relations with her,
since you spend the whole of your waking hours squatting at The Torch.
Friggin' hilarious, and sadly, kinda pathetic. Have a nice day!
20 Jan 2009, 11:26
this chris guy is just fucking around. don't bother.
20 Jan 2009, 11:46
LOL I'm now more convinced than ever that Chris is on the WWE payroll. In
any case, I'm still a bit torn over the final segment. Yes, it was too
McMahon heavy, and yes it may have potentially buried Jericho (who I think
is good enough to get his heat back if given the proper opportunity), but
the interactions involving Orton were just gold. I hope they don't ruin
the angle as having Stephanie (or Shane for that matter) being the real
brains of the operation, reducing Orton to just the puppet.
And yes, the show should have featured more actual "wrestling", it's one of
the reasons Smackdown is consistently the better show now. Punk/Regal was
good, but could have been excellent if given a 20 minute spot in the main
event segment, that could have really restored some much needed prestige
and value to the IC title.
20 Jan 2009, 11:57
why don't you idiots mind your daMN business.
that is the stupid thing about iwc rassling fans; they kiss the ass of the
dirtsheet writers who give then "expert" views of the rassling business.
i will leave this site soon because it is obvious that you morons are too
stupid and life time members of keller's anti- wwe cult.
20 Jan 2009, 12:03
newsflash: rassling titles are worthless,
rassling is fake.
the mcmmahons draw ratings. usa network wants the mcmahons on tv.
of course, stephanie will be the brains behind orton's actions.
20 Jan 2009, 12:13
Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
LOL @ Chris
20 Jan 2009, 12:21
"mind your daMN business"?!?!?
Wull, that's kinda what some people have suggested to you right? That
making several posts on EVERY Torch board about how you hate the dirtsheets
is getting pretty old? And there's an inherant irony in the fact that you
seem to have read all of Keller's work when even people who profess to like
him probably miss a week or two now and then? Seriously, what's your
motivation? Are you like some sort of cross between a Jehovah's Witness
and scorned WWE reviewer? You feel it's your mission in life to thwart
Keller at every turn?
By the way, "opinions" cannot be "wrong" by definition - they are OPINIONS,
not facts. If you disagree that's totally cool but try to maybe offer a
specific counter-opinion if you feel the need to post.
Try cutting the Prozac in half for a few days and see if that helps.
20 Jan 2009, 12:36
JB, I agree Smackdown is the better show. I love RAW, but Smackdown is a
much better tv show. They always plug a match for the next show, and there
is a good deal of wrestling. It reminds more of RAW & Smackdown in golden
era, where Triple H, or The Rock or someone would give a 20 minute promo
and then the majority of the rest of the show was in-ring action.
20 Jan 2009, 12:41
Marcus, Orton couldn't have punted Stephanie because she's obviously behind
what Orton did to Vince.
20 Jan 2009, 12:55
wrong, orton did not punt stephanie because WWE IS pg product and it would
be offensive for orton to physically assault a woman.
20 Jan 2009, 13:21
even when wwe was pg hogan smacked around sherri more than a few times.
that has nothing to do with it chris, i fear vince is right. glad to see me
and JB think alike. times like this i miss the old wrestlemaniacs site, and
micasa, and when onlineonslaught (now oowrestling.com)was actually updated
the news section. i miss micasa the most. MIKE SAMUDA (think i got that
right) WHERE HAVE YOU GONE!!
20 Jan 2009, 13:37
Exactly, there should be a healthy balance of promos, in ring action, and
extracurricular stuff, you know, a lot like last week's much better show.
As it stands, this show was 1 good 10 minute match, two good promos, and 90
minutes of forgettable crap.
You just brought back a ton of memories mentioning the old wrestlemaniacs
Big Black Kev
20 Jan 2009, 14:07
Damn Keller!!!! Did Steph turn down a date request in third grade?
Seriosly dude, lighten up.
20 Jan 2009, 14:45
YES I DO SUCK COCK AND I WISH IT WAS VINCES OR EVEN SHANES BUT ANYONES WILL
DO, STEP UP GET IN LINE. ILL SUCK IT ALL
Lighten up guys
20 Jan 2009, 15:22
If you don't like reading Wade's column because of what he says, stop
reading it. It's his website, he can say what he wants. He doesn't force
you to read his articles.
Mr Wrestling III
20 Jan 2009, 17:09
It obvious a ploy to get Orton out of the Rumble, probably announced late
in the match, maybe Orton was #27. Announcers go on like there will only
be 29 contestants, since all other wrestlers on the card are either in this
match or in another match. But there is someone there no wrestling that
night: HBK. He comes in last, clears house and wins the Rumble. Then to
conclude the night, he helps JBL beat Cena, to then face JBL for the title
20 Jan 2009, 17:39
Mr Wrestling III - I don't know about "obvious", but I like your idea.
Don't think it will happen since a) they'd want Orton to take part somehow,
b) Steph is third generation and c) I don't think the WWE writers would use
Orton for that angle if they were capable of thinking of it in the first
place - they'd probably have Santino spill coffee on Steph backstage early
on or something.
I do like the idea though - I thought before that JBL would have HBK in the
rumble match as "plan B" or something.
21 Jan 2009, 06:00
I think last night's end of Raw was great, to be honest. I liked the whole
show, in fact.
Orton set the bar for aligning with a returning Shane. Just a hunch, but I
could see it happening with him coming out last at the Rumble, winning
cheap, and facing Cena (Vince's boy) at Mania.
The HBK/JBL progression was good, too. I think he turns on Sunday and
builds toward a blow-off match vs. JBL on Sunday.
21 Jan 2009, 06:02
Meant to say HBK vs. JBL at Mania. Apologies.
21 Jan 2009, 06:33
Personally, I like the end with its blurring of the lines. It is relatively
realistic to see arrogant heels trying to knock each other down; bad people
with big egos are not going to cooperate for any significnt amount of time.
21 Jan 2009, 15:48
I'm not sure Vince was meant to be a heel this go-round. I think he and
Steph are actually the faces. Vince was trying to play a quasi-face during
the whole Million Dollar gimmick, and he tried for the sympathy push during
his "injury" that has yet to be solved. Plus, he's been in the press
trying to be the good guy in a lot of areas, as well.
(My prediction for the "heel" and Randy's return stimuli: Shane McMahon,
who Stephanie slapped through the face a couple months back. I think
Shane-o will try to lead another "Revolution" of RAW wrestlers. Time will
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