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Grass roots of change

Bumble blogs on Flintoff, T-shirts and new suits

David Lloyd Posted 5th August 2009 view comments

I've been banging on about pitches for several weeks and I'm going to do so again.

Let's be honest, that last day at Edgbaston was incredibly boring. Of course, Australia's resolute batting should be applauded - full marks to them - but they were helped by the deadest of pitches.

Flintoff: how do you replace him?

Flintoff: how do you replace him?

The ground was full, it was the fifth day of an Ashes Test match but the life had been rolled out of the pitch.

Everybody has been talking about saving Test match cricket and Bob Willis came up with a very good recommendation: no rollers once the game has started.

A compromise might be to ban the use of rollers above a certain weight once the match is underway Let me assure you, heavy rollers deaden the pitch. If a captain wants to take some life out of the game then he will use heavy rollers to do so.

Somebody said to Shane Warne "how old are you now?" and he replied "I've always been 17".

Bumble
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However, I would like to propose a more radical suggestion. I think groundstaff should be instructed to provide a minimum amount of grass on the pitch.

If you go to Australia, South Africa and parts of New Zealand you will find the best pitches in the world. Why is that? Because they've got grass on them.

In our country, chief executives tell the groundsman to take the grass off because it kills the root system underneath. That means the pitch is dead and flat (and they get to count the money that rolls in from five days of play). Trust me. I know it goes on.

If there is a certain length of grass on top, it acts like a trampoline, which gives you pace and bounce. That's what every cricketer wants, whether they are a spinner, a pace bowler or a batsman.

In this day and age, I feel groundstaff should be told to provide a minimum length and covering on the first morning. That might sound complicated, but the lawnmowers they use can be set to a cut minimum height - so it would be dead simple to achieve.

A maximum weight of roller. A minimum cut of grass. Two simple ideas that could liven up Test cricket.

Replacing Freddie

The fact England have had to pick 14 players for the fourth Test just shows you how much Andrew Flintoff is worth.

He's the last jigsaw piece. He gives England the 2005 balance of five bowlers and that is disturbing Australia. If one of our bowlers (Stuart Broad?) has an off day then we've still got four effective bowlers.

If one of theirs has an off day (Mitchell Johnson?) then they've only got three.

I think replacing Flintoff is pretty simple. When Flintoff's in the side they have to have five bowlers because of his injuries. The fact he's an all-rounder softens that blow.

So if Flintoff isn't fit I fully expect them to go with six batters, a wicket-keeper and four bowlers. That's what all the other teams do. Australia only have four bowlers for example (I don't think you can count Shane Watson as a bowler).

So I see England relying on four bowlers - and then a little bit of Paul Collingwood and Ravi Bopara if they get into a jam - with Jonathan Trott coming in to the side in Freddie's place.

Tee time

I noticed a few Bumble t-shirts in the crowd at Edgbaston.

I'd been warned they were going to be sold at Edgbaston and I think they have been made with Twenty20 Finals day in mind.

My wife has asked me for one. She said she'd like a 'fumble with Bumble'. I'll try to give her one if I can find the right size.

I don't think any of the profits from these garments are coming my way though. I might have to get a few of my associates on the case...

Fox in the box

Shane Warne has continued to be absolutely brilliant in the box.

Somebody said to him "how old are you now?" and he replied "I've always been 17". He's got a twinkle in his eye all the time. Absolutely brilliant.

Good news for Accy Stanley. We had 2,600 people in to see the 2-2 draw with Burnley and we've got a new chairman too.

He's called Dave O'Neill and I'm going to go and have a chat with him at a cricket match soon. We were looking for a rich Arab, but he'll do in the meantime.

I don't think he made his money in oil. Probably in delivering newspapers...

Suits you sir

The Twittering is still going very well (33,000 followers and counting) and I'll be having some fun with you all on Twenty20 Finals Day.

Oh, and I found some cracking pubs in Birmingham. The Wellington in the city centre has about 20 handpumps with loads of good ales and I went in the Old Contemptibles as well. Really good stuff.

And finally, my suit has bust. It's been cleaned so many times that the bottoms are a different colour to the top.

I'll be going to see Phil the Suit later to buy a new one. He's another associate. Don't ask me where he gets them from.

Bumble answers your questions...

Send your questions to Bumble by filling in the feedback form below. Or you can mail them in by e-mailing skysportsclub@bskyb.com

WHY ARE WE WAITING?
Dear Bumble, I feel bitterly disappointed at the contemptuous way I was treated as one of the "patient" crowd at Edgbaston on Thursday. What possible justification is there for both teams warming up an hour before the delayed start, on the unplayable outfield. Surely we should have been watching Test cricket at the time. It is self evident that a surface for a full practice session was equally fit for proper play. It appeared that the only priority was to try to ensure 25 overs were bowled and so there were no refunds. John West. Dorridge, Solihull

BUMBLE SAYS: You're not far off John and you make some very valid points. I just wish they would give spectators more precise information. In that situation they should have announced that parts of the pitch were absolutely saturated and that is not fair on the fielding side.

When the players are out there practising it is obviously going to lead to questions from the spectators. The main reason is usually that the ball would get wet, and if the seam gets wet the ball enlarges and becomes like a bar of soap. That provides an unfair advantage to the batting side (although some people would argue that's just bad luck). They need to explain that better. However, it is ridiculous when the authorities use "risk of injury" as an excuse. If that were the case, football and rugby would never be played. That is a stupid thing to say. Whatever next? No ice hockey today, it's too slippy!

Hello Bumble. We love you and would like to see you and Sid Waddell get together!!! We would like to know where do they keep a Test match ball overnight? Many thanks. Jayne Shaw and Bill Hancock

BUMBLE SAYS: In the umpire's pocket. Back in my day it would be kept in the pocket of the umpire's jacket with a mark to say it's the match ball. I suspect it is kept under lock and key these days though.

Bumble's jukebox

Last week Peter Seal, who I know from Rawtenstall CC, wrote in asking for some Lionel Richie and Elton John on the jukebox. Sorry Pete, you're showing you age mate. We'll have none of that, but see if you can get this...

"Pushing up the ante, I know you wanna see me / Read'em and weep, the dead man's hand again / I see it in your eyes, take one look and die"

Last week's answer was 'I'm The Urban Spaceman' by The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band. I'll reveal this week's answer in the next blog.

Comments (33)

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Ben Morris says...

Bumble, word has it that Freddie is not fit to play in this test and Harmy is being lined up to replace him. Am i wrong to think that this will leave us very thin in the batting department?? Any thoughts?? Oh and the jukebox answer is Motorhead song "The ace of spades" too easy....

Posted 09:31 7th August 2009

Sam G says...

This is going to raise a few eye brows and rattle a few cages. But how about reducing the amount of day's in a Test match to 4, just like county cricket? It will encourage more agressive play, and the game will go through faster. The only problem is that the statistics will have to start all over again, which may annoy a few people.

Posted 22:40 6th August 2009

Ian Hallam says...

Love yout work Bumble, this weeks tune is the majestic 'Ace of Spades' by Motorhead. I even heard Lemmy likes his cricket!!

Posted 20:32 6th August 2009

Arjun B says...

first of all bumble i am a huge fan of yours. i agree with u about the pitches. and i think this is the best solution as making the number of days per match to 4, it will b much more effective. u and warney r just awsome in the box.

Posted 18:41 6th August 2009

Stuart Mccourt says...

Too true about the pitches, they are just so incredibly dull at the moment. I just really hope they have a good one at headingly or i may actually watch something else. It is great to hear shane warne in the commentary box as well. As to the jukebox question I am pretty sure it is the Ace of Spades by Motorhead

Posted 17:51 6th August 2009

Neil Brodie says...

Love the blog as always bumble, being Scottish cricket isn't the most popular sport but I still enjoy it, more so with you and Shane Warne commentating, make it more fun to watch. Song is Ace Of Spades - Motorhead Keep up the good work

Posted 17:36 6th August 2009

Chris W says...

Bumble - You know on the Stanley V Burnley game nearly 2000 of the 2600 were Burnley fans?

Posted 16:14 6th August 2009

David Knowles says...

Ace of Spades - Motorhead. Best heavy metal song ever. Been listening to Robert Johnson a lot though recently, are you a Blues man David?

Posted 15:52 6th August 2009

Neil Humphrey says...

Its "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead. An absolute classic!!!

Posted 15:11 6th August 2009

Andrew Carter says...

Great Column. I for one am desperate for harmy to get one (last) crack at that aussies when it matters, should fred capitulate that is. Also nice use of motorhead. One for the "young'uns" there i reckon!

Posted 14:40 6th August 2009

Paul Stevens says...

Ace of Spades by Motorhead I think.... am I right? The idea about minimum length of grass is spot on, squeezing the life out of the pitch makes for dull cricket and draws (though a draw in the last test was a liely outcome given the missed play). Love your column in Chimp magazine as well, you old headbanger, it's nearly as good as mine.

Posted 13:09 6th August 2009

Sam Slater says...

RE: Alan Moran: This is the order in which they joined playing for England. All nations have them but hteir numbers aren't as high. Take Andrew Strauss. His number is 624 which means he is the 624th capped player for England. You will notice also that a players number is different in each format of the game, again this shows the order they played for England in that format, Test, One Day or T20.

Posted 12:55 6th August 2009

John Andrews says...

To Alan @ 18.50pm. I'm pretty sure that the numbers on the shirts in tests and ODI's represent that they are that number player to represent their country.

Posted 11:16 6th August 2009

Ken Wheeler says...

To Alan Moran I think the numbers under the English Crest relate to the player playing for England. i.e. if it is 601 then that player is the 601st to play for England

Posted 11:15 6th August 2009

Matthew Bowyer says...

Ace of Spades !!!

Posted 08:48 6th August 2009

Tony Downes says...

Bumble, I can understand some of the reasons for the fielding positions on the pitch....shortleg a man standing on the leg side close to the batsman. However, where does 'cover' come from? Is it coz the man is standing on the side of the pitch where they keep the covers if it rains? Gully ? Not sure on that one? Is the a list that expalins all? Many thanks

Posted 08:47 6th August 2009

Kathy Immelman says...

You and Shane Warne together are a good match - even if the cricket's dead boring you manage to liven it up with your chirping, thanks! As for Warnie's age, reminds me of my Irish mum who was of the old school of parent, who diddn't tell her age to her kids. When we asked how old she was, "As old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth".

Posted 08:33 6th August 2009

Ellie Scott says...

Hi Bumble, you have got me into twitter, which I am really enjoying following. As well as your pearls of wisdom, I get to find out what Jimmy A has for dinner and hear dodgy jokes from Swanny. I am not quite up with the lingo yet - are the individual entries called tweets, chirps or cheeps? Are the people on twitter called twitterers or tweeters? What is the collective noun for a group of those people. ( I always remember an exaltation of larks from school!) Is it a nest of twitterers? A tree full..? A flock of...? You are the expert!

Posted 07:54 6th August 2009

Richard Jones says...

Motorhead....the Ace of Spades? To Alan Morran..... England players sport a unique ID number on their shirts just below the three-lion crest. This represents their spot in the chronological list of players to appear for England at Test and One-Day International level - as researched by England scorer and statistician Malcolm Ashton. Google is your friend!!! Rich

Posted 00:38 6th August 2009

Mark Lloyd (no relation) says...

Ace of Spades. Smashing stuff, and no mistake.

Posted 23:49 5th August 2009

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