All Soaps - All your favourite soaps, in one place.

News

Holy Soapbox: New weekly soap blog!

Home and Away, Coronation Street

Thursday 03 September 2009 11:41AM

Posted by: Joe Brett

Hugo Astin (Bernard Curry) throws the bomb into the bush, but it suddenly explodes... - five

Coach travel is bloomin' awful. The only comfortable part of your body is your chin (because it's resting on your knees); you have to spend your trip peering through windows anointed with the greasy forehead marks of previous travellers; and worst of all there's the possibility that a bonk-eyed lunatic will have wired your vehicle to a small explosive device. Well, tough. That's what you get when you pay £2 return.

It's also what you should expect if you move to Summer Bay, where neurotic wolverine Trey was paying tribute to the movie Speed. Never mind the fact that the bus – driven by his wicked stepfather and containing all manner of slight young things – had the handbrake on. As comebacks go, Home and Away's was a pretty thrilling ride.

This attempt at teen terrorism certainly got my pulse up, but Martha and Hugo barely raised an eyebrow. Instead, they crawled underneath the charabanc of weeping teenagers as though they were getting under a duvet, and after a bit of flirting saved the day by cutting the wires. (Hugo used pliers, while  Martha finally discovered a use for her massive gnashers.)

Though the eventual explosion wasn't quite the big boom we were fearing/hoping for, it worked very nicely as a device to bring everybody in the community together. Kirsty and Miles are back on track; Colleen has apologised for saying that Martha shouldn't be dinging Hugo when Jack isn't even cold; and when Trey is caught, you can guarantee that he'll be sentenced to life (under Irene's wing at the Beach House until he finds redemption). All's well that ends well, then, at least until the next 747 full of Alf's long-lost relatives ploughs into the caravan park. God knows how anybody in Australia gets life insurance.

Speaking of death Down Under, I was all set to celebrate a departure from the cobbles with a cup of tea and a party hat. After all, I can't be the only one who's spent the last four months in a state of despair bordering on the supernatural thanks to Ramsay Clegg's Coronation Street yawn-a-long. Casual viewers could have been forgiven for assuming that his timely demise, aboard a plane to Australia, was the reason why Clurrr Peacock had decided to throw a street party.

Instead, it was a surprisingly moving affair. Pity poor Emily, who now spends her afternoons picking fragments of her shattered heart off the Axminster, as she grieves for her missed chance at a life with the second wettest fart in soap. Still, it would have been better than her current one with Norris, who is without a doubt the wettest one of all.

Happily, things were rather more cheerful a few doors up, where Blanche was attempting to profit from the Bank Holiday “fun day” by inviting the locals in to have their fortunes told. “I see there will be fellas. Many fellas!”, Blanche divined, to a beaming Kelly. “As long as you keep dressing like a tart”, she finished. Forget Mrs Hunt's so-called psychic abilities – that was something Kelly really should have seen coming.
 

Comments (2)

Samantha Carpenter

Samantha Carpenter

03 September 2009

i'm not one to watch soaps (we all say they don't we?) but i will be tuning into this blog - something decent to read at last! Love it.

Report as inappropriate
David Brown

David Brown

04 September 2009

Finally!, a good soap blog, the magazines are alright, but why buy when you can come here? Love It! Thanks FIVE!

Report as inappropriate

Leave a comment