I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

Last Thursday we started reading reading women for the two female leads. This was a totally different experience from reading men. Not really because of anything the actresses did differently, but more because of how I felt about it. With men, there is obviously no sexual tension. Even with the gay guys.
But with women, no matter how professional you are and how much you focus on the performance, it’s still there. These girls are hot, and every single one of them I would flirt with if I met them in a different situation. One of them in particular was so goddamn smoking hot I had to force myself to concentrate on her performance and not think about how I would fuck her until I passed out. Unprofessional, maybe, but she was just that fucking hot (she came to the reading in these hot tights, and a Batman T-Shirt…I have to stop or I am going to get all excited again–and yes, she did a great job on the read).
In any other situation, this wouldn’t be a problem. If I meet a girl out somewhere, we are on the same level, and she can respond to me because she’s into me, or tell me to fuck off. Everything that happens is consensual, and there is no power disparity or implied benefit. But in a casting session, I directly control this girls fate–at least with regard to my movie–and for me to use that position to get something from a girl is nothing short of disgusting and creeps even ME out. Even if I think the girl is ridiculously hot, I don’t want to in any way imply that she needs to respond well to me personally to get the part. She doesn’t. All that matters is how she reads the part and how she looks on camera. In fact, I am so petrified of a girl thinking that there is a casting couch situation going on with me, that I am tense and almost abrupt with them, which in turn creates this weird tension. Isn’t that always the way it works? You try to do the right thing and it back fires.
This created a disaster on Thursday. I was already coming into the actress readings with these thoughts in my head and what happens? The very FIRST woman to read comes in and the fucking camera breaks halfway through her reading. Joseph and his associate take over 20 minutes to fix it–and leave the room to do it–and the whole time we are stuck in the reading room with her. Just me, the director, and Nils, because of course TheProducer (who is a woman) picks THAT DAY as the first day she misses a meeting, leaving the room all males. Wonderful. It’s like a perfect storm of awkwardness.
The actress was reading for a sexy part, had on this incredible orange skin tight dress, and her body was amazing. But I wouldn’t even look at her or engage her in conversation because I was so afraid that she would feel like we were sitting there judging her or treating her like a piece of meat, or that she had to flirt with me or something. Of course, by ignoring her it only made the situation worse. She would try to break the tension with a simple question, and I would anti-flirt by firing some terse and dismissive comment back, and turn away, like I was repulsed by her.
Pretty much the most awkward moment of my life…and it happened because I refused to flirt with a girl. Everything in Hollywood is fucked up, even having integrity.

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