Premiere #11: College Park
August 31, 2009
College Park was a nice, smooth premiere. Good sized crowd, like 350, loved the movie, had some fun during the pre-show, and was back to the hotel by midnight. Refreshing, and a nice warm-up for State College, which is going to be a zoo. Some of the highlights from the pre-show:
Girl: “This is a PG-13 story. So one time this guy was face-fucking me, and–”
[crowd erupts laughing]
Tucker: “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT PG-13 MEANS!!! What movies are you watching???”
Nils: “13 does not mean the number of guys!”
-One funny line from a painfully rambling story:
Black Guy: “So, this girl says to me, ‘You can’t treat people like this who love you,’ but I say, ‘You need to love yourself first.’”
Nils “Who are you, Judge Joe Brown?”
-The capper is that we FINALLY had a guy tell a story that was quick enough, concise enough, and funny enough to reprint in full. Here it is:
Guy: “So, we’re sitting around, playing Guitar Hero, waiting for New Years–”
Tucker: “HAHHAHA–You can’t top that line, just stop now.”
Guy: “No wait, it gets better. We start talking about dirty talking girls, and my friend says the best thing to do it just find something in the room, like a basket, and just talk about it to her, so you say something like, “Weave me a basket bitch!”.”
Nils “Who is your friend, Martha Stweart?”
Guy: “So we go out and pick up some girls, and they are kinda big. Like 170.”
Tucker: “Kinda big! That’s a free safety!”
Nils: “Who were you fucking, Ed Reed?”
Guy: “Me and my buddy take her and her friend back to their place, and they have baskets in the room. We’re both fucking in the same room.”
Tucker: “Was the trailer not a two bedroom?”
Guy: “No man.”
Tucker: “Did you look each other in the eyes?”
Guy: “It would’ve been better if we had.”
Tucker: “Nice!! So its two guys fucking two fat girls in a trailer. I’d rather be in a slaughter house.”
Guy: “So we’re fucking and I smack her on the ass and say, “Weave me a basket bitch!” as loud as I can. Well, my buddy winds up and smacks his girl, and says, “Turn on my nightlight you slut!”.”
[crowd erupts in laughter]
Guy: “I have to walk out the room I am laughing so hard. Later when we walk outside to leave, the neighbor says, “Jesus, you two fucked those girls?” and my buddy says, “No man, we were weaving baskets and turning on night lights.”
Tucker: “AWESOME! Best story we’ve had in ten stops. Give him stuff for free!”
-And my personal favorite, during a radio interview when someone asked me why I hooked up with a midget:
“To say I did it. You know how Edmund Hillary, when asked why he climbed Everest, said ‘Because it was there’. Well, I hooked up with a midget because she was down there.”
-Pictures are up here.
-Video is here:
And if you care, I thought this piece by Ben Corman, and this piece by Charlie Hoehn, were both pretty good, and very different perspectives on the tour.
Previous Recaps and Videos:
Premiere #10: Washington DC [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]
Premiere #9: Blacksburg [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]
Premiere #8: Raleigh [Tucker's recap] [Video recap*]
Special Bonus: The SeX-ray Video
Premiere #7: Columbia [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]
Special Bonus: Tucker and Nils Q&A, part 2
Premiere #6: Gainesville [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]
Premiere #5: Tallahassee [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]
Special Bonus: Tucker and Nils Q&A, part 1
Premiere #4: Athens [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]
Premiere #3: Atlanta [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]
Premiere #2: Seattle [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]
