Listed below for your enjoyment, some of the actual Google Searches logged on my sites.
(, the SchmucksDotCom and the fledgling Crab Chips site.)

Reader discretion is advised.
(As I seem to attract the freaks of the internet at times...)

First off, the search that inspired me to start my collection:

Lord of the anal ring toss!
(UPDATE: I now know what this means... but kinda wish I didn't. Thanks for the picture anyway, man. *shudder*)

UPDATED UPDATE: I just recieved this e-mail from "ChesterMolestHer.Com" regarding "Anal Ring Toss".

Hello Skeeter! We just found your link and thought that we should advise you that Anal Ring Toss is a registered trademark, owned by CM Enterprises, and Kat and I personally. The girls were on Howard Stern's Show, playing our trademarked game that the girls play at Bachelor parties that they do in Southern California and Las Vegas, Nevada. We are exclusive with Stern. We just finished making a video of Anal Ring Toss, which we will be distributing soon. If you would like a copy please let me know. Thank you for your time. Chester

Uhh, thanks Chester for you kind offer. Hoewever, please don't send me the video. I would like to be able to have nightmare-free sleep sometime this decade. Say hi to Howard from me...

Anyway, on with the Searches!

big boobie contest: Man, I should just change the sites name to "BOOB wrestling" and be done with it...

bar fight physics of: Could I get a grant to study this?

crack en espaol del speaking naturally: Ummm.. oui?

picture of dog dragging its butt: For the love of God, WHY do you want this picture?

xxx sex wham banger: Yeah, whammer, banger, thank you ma'am... er?

what caused david bowie's left eye to change color: I honestly have no idea. Any other questions?

sponge bob belly ring: Man, that little square guy is EVERYWHERE these days!

north carolina drag stips: They have stipulations for dressing in womens clothing in Nth. Carolina?

sumo wrestling costume pa: Pa, put on the sumo suit for us one more time, okay?

belly punching cheerleaders: You sick, sad little man...

wrestling stage of two naked fighting girls: I think we could make a fortune here... any volunteers for a little bare-ass boxing, ladies?

barbados square-dance: Yee-haw, mon!

america undercover salad toss: That's GOT to have a double meaning...

dolph lundgren thumb wrestling: Dolph Lundgren and Slyvester Stallone in "Over The Top II: Thumb Wars!"

naked laotian girls: WHERE? Man, home-grown smut just isn't exotic enough for some people...

naked lady mudflap: Something to do with naked motorbiking, perhaps?

love doll mask suit story: This one is too wierd for me to make a cheap pun about... how bad is THAT?

make you kiss my butt: The hell you will, sir...

humped by a +gallery: it's National Art Gallery porn! Right in the ol' Reubens!

wedgie fag: Your cigarette is NOT supposed to go there, mate...

female wrestling chloroformed: Sounds like a snoozer of a match.

munk and nun porn: That's the most disturbing fetish yet...

cowboys humping: No, once more I'm standing corrected...

bash his balls: Anyone in particular, or can we vote on it? As always, my pick would be Tom Green...

did wrestling is feck: Sorry, what the feck does that mean?

joe millionaire actually is a millionaire: And I'm actually Osama Bin Laden...

someone's barfing: Yep, me at the thought of "cowboys humping".

gaijin lolita: Ahh, a RACIST underage-ist...

women private wrestler squeezing boobs: This guy needs to get out more...

male vs male apartment wrestling: Okay, confused now. Does he means two guys wrestling FOR an apartment? IN an apartment? Or just two apartment blocks wrestling each other?

girls wrestling wearing spandex: As opposed to the potato sacks they wear on the WWE...

hamster wheeeee: I'm glad SOMEONE's having fun. Hopefully not WITH the hamster.

red assed baboons: At least he didn't preface it with "spank me like a..."

hamster wrestling: Man, cross this with midget retard wrestling and we've got a winner!

i wish i were a little bit taller: And I wish I was boffing Alyson Hannigan... what's your point?

underwater wrestling: Next week on ESPN 2!

sponge bob words for theme tune: Look, Spongebob doesn't even feature on my site! Leave me alone!

how to make a wrestling ting: *ting*! There you go. Any*ting* else?

cattle prod and testicles: Thanks, lovely image there...

yo bitch full dans le dash com: Is this a search or lyrics to French gangsta rap?

+sheep costume +material: tell me he's not going to make what I THINKhe's going to make?

chubby boys backyard wrestling: Hmmm, half-naked sweaty, flabby teens... Anyone else feel like a shower about now?

austin want boobs: There's a boob shortage in texas? Who knew!

even colder wrestling: Anchorage Pro Wrestling poresents "Brass Monkeys 2002" on Pay-Per-View!

seex: I'm guessing this is how this guy talks. "Want seeeex. Need seeex! Wo-man! Pretty."

scooby rut row sound: Jinkies!

white trash wrestling dummy: I love how he slipped that subtle insult in at the last second.

antique midget wrestling: Performed by antique midgets, of course.

keeeeeeeeeen: This search is niffffffffty!

wherehouse wrestling: There house wrestling. There wolf. There castle.

zilla porn: The King of the Monsters career hits a new low...

executioner's song arquette breasts: That better be Patricia, not David he's looking for...

memphis jello wrestling: Jerry "The King" Lawlers' latest brainwave...

obese man fat no shirt: WHY? WHY? Get away from my site, you freak!

fukingroovin: Boo-yeah! Damnfunkalicious!

jennifer aniston's breasts: Which gained a staggering NINTY-FOUR percent of hits on one page. In case you're wondering, Ms Anistons boobies do NOT feature in any way.

i wish i was in tijuana eating bar-b-qued iguana: Is this a pop-culture reference, or an idea for Fear Factor?

free porn muve: I'm wondering... how did this person even managed to start his computer, let alone surf the 'net? "muve"? Does he also watch his "tvee"?

how much is the doggie in the window: $12.99, today only!

heavyweight gay bear wrestling video: Gentle Ben's secret shame revealed...

testicular claw pictures: Okay, OUCH!

raggge: Close, but no cee-gar, mon...

flying zamboni: Now THAT would make me attend a Kings game!

wet willy williams: The vicar dropped him in the font during his christening...

uo doom lamp post: Hmmm. Ultima Online, Doom and a lampost. One of things is not like the other....

marcel marceu in spanish: Multi-ligual Mime? " "... and now in Spanish! " "

original song i'm a little teapot being sung: Man, the things i do for ratings. *ahem* "I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my other handle... Oh, bugger, I'm a sugarbowl!"

tupac gross head crushed: Tupac was that dude in "The Omen II"?

poontang pancakes: Mmmm... Poontangy!

elvish presley: So I'm not the only one who's made this excruciating pun?

elvish pussy: THIS was a tad unexpected, though...

bob's glorious past: Dude, BOB hasn't HAD a glorious past... Trust me.

the whistles go woooooooooooo: If you say so...

orgasm brain damage aneurysm blackout:: Great, another reason women can use to avoid having sex with me....

orgasm suplex:: Someone's enjoying his sport WAY too much.

trish status opening her bras:: BraS? What's with the plural? Has she had extra boobies grafted on?

tazzmission on hair taka michinoku:: "Ow! Not my hair! I submit! I give! I'm tapping like Gene Kelly here!"

a womans hotspot:: Awww, this smut-surfer came over all coy...

salvaged hummers for sale:: Thanks, but I never buy cars from site-to-site salesmen.

miller light beer catfight:: "Tatses great! *slap* "No, less filling, bitch!"

porn star who look isricky martin look alike:: Hmm, that brings a new meaning to "She Bangs", alright.

jack on crack:: See Jack take crack. And some smack. I'll be right back.

hooty hoo lyrics bitch get off me:: Did this guys girlfriend jump on him while he was typing?

how to become sak amputee:: Try streaking through a pit-bull kennel, you sick freak.

bicycle shorts +rape:: Okay, now I REALLY don't want a job as a bycycle courier.

bum fighting krew videos:: Yo, yo, we da bum Fightin' Krew! Bum-fightin' in the houwse, y'all! Word.

wierd al backward:: Wierd Al IS the Antichrist! Incidently, try playing a Spice Girls album backwards. They sound better that way.

achy break heart mid:: You WANT a MIDI file of Billy Ray Cyrus? And I thought the bike short rape guy was a freak.

erik +look +where +i +am:: I'm in my parents basement typing random phrase into Google!

biggest boobs of america:: Yep, that pretty much sums up my sites visitors.

slavic boy porn:: What, domestic illeagal smut isn't good enough for you? Where's your patriotism, pal?

+oil wrestling -turkish -greek -gay:: How do i attract these people? i mean, honestly! You wrestle one oil-covered Greek homosexual, and they hang around your site for months!

soliciting sex for a fee:: I'm taking the Fifth.

shake it break it' mama nine months make it:: When exactly did BOB become the Karaoke Bar of the 'Net?

bloody brawling fighting wrestling:: Bloody stupid friggin' search.

ooooh sweet womens wrestling:: Sho'nuff!! And could someone bring my Pimpmobile around, please?

sexbottom:: Sounds like the next Austin Powers villian.

wino wrestling:: Secure your videotape now, before the cops busts the drunken fratboys who made it.

boner wrestling:: The mind just boggles.

firetruck hooker beer picture:: Dude, stop snorting the baking soda, it's making you all random and stuff.

skeeter and clusterfuck:: I deny any involvement in the aforesaid fustercluck.

mentos advert pussy:: Is that like the Taco Bell Dog?

hhh boobs:: WHY? Why for the love of GOD would you want to see THAT? I call the shower first!

hermaprodite hard core:: Okay, am I the only one surprised that there IS sicker people out there than Bike Short Rape Guy?

sexy low ages big tit child:: Make up your MIND man!

professional wrestling jobbers silent canadian:: "And in this corner, hailing from Toronto... Paul, the Killer Mime!"

contraption goldberg with domino knock down:: Sentance the words ordered wrong with random antelopes.

britney sniff feet:: Get off my planet, Perv-boy!

free nude weed porn:: Dude, that bong is like, naked! Cool.

chips + erik estrada + ponch +you're a fag:: Personal abuse disguised as a search. Man, if I find this guy I am SO gonna go Larry Wilcox on his ass...

jobbers and jobbing the art of getting hurt:: They have a manual for perpetually-losing wrestlers? "Zen and the Art of Staring at the Lights"?

ponch says you're a fag:: Oh, it was YOU, huh Estrada?

screw my drugged wife video clips:: No, screw you, pal. In the ear.

girl wrestle pictures full-nelson:: This guy probably gets a Nelsons Column every time he watches Smackdown.

wrestling gnomes:: Now THERE'S a pay-per-view worth ordering!

stealing womens panties:: Can't say BOB Wrestling doesn't appeal to the all-important Knicker-Knicking demographic.

beer and poontang:: Singing "These are a few of my favourite things"...

foreskin smells:: Dude, I'm not a doctor. Leave me alone.

poontang power:: THE POWER OF POONTANG COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF... Oh, wait, we already did this one.

wrestler amatuer what do you grab:: Anything you like, but grab the wrong place and I'll sue.

pictureshow to put tampax inside pussypictures:: You've never had a girlfriend, have you pal?

groin punching bitches:: The latest Girl Band from England... "We're the Groin Punching Bitches and this is our latest single... Poontang Power!"

bongo bananza:: Lorne Greene and Michael Landon get down and funky with an unexpected percussion solo.

led zeplin a fake:: Hey, my classic 70's heavy metal group is a cheap Tahitian-made knock-off! I want my teenage years back!

funky boobs:: A lesser-known Sly and the Family Stone song. (Sly was REALLY high when he wrote it...)

deja boobs:: Haven't I seen those two somewhere else? *slap*

nikki cox nipples interviews:: Here NIPPLES give interviews? "Just between you and me, that guy to my left is a real tit!" *rimshot*

slutty officer:: "Drop your shorts and give me twenty, soldier!"

female death wrestlers:: Man, how embarrasing to be killed by Hair-tosses and Giant Swings.

dam i want free porn clips and no credit card:: More proof of why Rednecks should NOT be allowed to Google. Damn.

funbags:: Direct and to the point, I guess.

gay ups delivery:: "Thign THIS, thweetie!"

womans smiley face panties:: Well, now I know what to get Grandma for Christmas, I guess.

freaky white women in atlanta:: "Hey, where da freaky white women at, y'all?"

meetball:: Ball, meet Skeeter. Skeeter, meetball.

gay lawler's:: The King comes charging out of the closet.

ambercrombie and fitch hair styles for guys:: Isn't A:F a clothing label? Hairstyles? Go away and stop confusing me, man...

answur machine:: "Where is the forwula, Mr. Bwond! Answur me! And stwop lwaughing at my spweech impwediment!"

spandex superman t-shirt:: The search of a freak.. or a geek? Your call.

kamakazie fair ride:: I sense impending lawsuits for that fairground... BANZAI!

head fist porn:: Please tell me he didn't mean "Head FIRST porn"... because that would be DAMN icky.

cabbagepatch wrestling:: The match was declared a DQ after the Smurfs did a run-in and beat down the Garbage Pail Kids.

tall fat ladies of lpwa:: *sigh* 1) Tall or fat? PICK ONE! And 2) "lpwa"? Was I-O-WA really THAT difficult to type? Try using BOTH hands on the keyboard next time.

lads of the ring+wrestling:: "I say Frodo old chap, could you and Samwise pop into the ring for a bit of the old grappling, eh what? Jolly good, lads!"

lizzie borden of wrestling:: I'm guessing giving your opponent forty whacks with an axe MIGHT get you disqualified.

wrestling midgets hire party:: Guess who's appearing at Andrew Borntregers next party?

take a leak ballpark:: Even Wrigley Field has to relieve itself sometimes...

pearl necklace harbor back cover:: Now THAT'S a great porn film name...

hey now let's get retarded now that the party's started:: Now THOSE are the great song lyrics ever written...

gary glitter hockey chant we are gonna beat you:: Hmmm, that's a tricky one. I think the lyrics went something like "HEY!", but I'll have to check to be sure.

pregantn sex:: When Stupid Horny Guys Google.

fukig sex:: When Stupid Horny Guys Google, part 2.

film fukig:: Look, just try banging your head on the keyboard, the spelling might be more accurate that way!

beautifu ladies wrestling:: Okay, no-one move, I dropped an "L'... *crunch*. Damn it!

leprechaun simple macchine:: These guys are now playing backup for Shonen Knife in Osaka...

wrestling women moist crotch:: That is SO much more info that I required!

skirt so short you:: I could WHAT? Don't leave me in suspense! Damn you, Erik Estrada, I know that's you!

yawn falls tryst please:: Bacon yo-yo eskimo hasslehof.

pinned forced to smell feet young men wrestling:: Now available on Amazon, Ultra-Specific Fetishes, Volume III. $11.95, this month only.

sprinkler dance:: Well, that sounds like fun at least.

when do i get my money episode:: The checks in the mail, okay!

poke the hamster:: If that's a sexual euphamism, I'm taking a vow of chasity...

scooby doo customs in nh:: Ahh, the famous "New Hampshire 'Rut Row' Ritual"!

happy a-go-go:: Well, I'm happy a-go-go for you too. Now go-go away.

barry brown tingle fuck:: This sounds like a childrens story gone horribly, horribly wrong.

a picture of a spear that is a wrestling move:: He followed this up with "A picture of a spear that is a wrestling move not a pointed stick y'know like Goldberg does and makes the fans go "GOLDDDD-BERG!" and then he does the jackhammer which is also a wrestling move not something used by a road crew". And then Google imploded.

inflating buster bunny:: Uh, Babs... it may be CALLED a blowjob, but you don't actually...

boa constrictor man wrestling:: I'm calling PETA!

rabbit noises:: Moo. Squeek. Baaaaa. No? I give up.

bull's nads:: Are you looking to buy, or just hire them for a while?

naughty jump rope chants:: "Salt, mustard, vinegar, pepper! I saw Billy Watsons' pecker!"

nude pudding wrestling: Yes, we later used this as an actual match stipulation on BOB wrestling... thanks for the suggestion, freak!

naked wench wrestling: Video comes packaged in plain brown wrapper.

charlies angels sung by elbow: Nope, but my liver belts out Tom Jones numbers on occasion...

www wrestling titl belt com: Someone just never mastered the concept of the "dot" in, huh?

giels and gropes: Someone's groping the J. Geiels Band? Now there's a centerfold for ya...

covered topless: Kinda defeats the purpose, really...

foam rubber suits low budget: Yes, I like to live out a wierd fetish, but I don't want to be extravagent about it...

joke baseball mat foam: I fail to see the humour.

fudgie the whale dance: Go Fud-gie! It's ya birthday! Go Fud-gie...

trashy ladies of wrestling: This fall on FOX!

wrestle jock feet: Jock Feet, toughest man in Glasgow takes on ALL comers!

dude spanking: Dude, I'm like, getting spanked! Gnarly!

masked marauder the claw wrestler: You'd think having a claw would be enough of a gimmick to dispense with the mask...

allintext boys rope jock: stupidtext makes not sense me

what is a retorical question: Do I really need to answer that?

toker hack: I'm only a passive toker, myself..

brawling men cigars boots: Shorts, socks and pink frilly underwear.

3 count bout wrestling video game screen shots: Wow, that query actually makes sense! Too bad I don't have any screen shots, but thanks for playing, dude.

naked mom's wrestling: I'm so glad I moved out of home if THAT'S what she's doing!

inflatable twinkie: Which would probably taste better than the real thing.

axe commercial screech: They want to hack up Dallas Diamond for a commercial? I'd pay to see that...

play bong o matic: It's zany, hallucinogenic fun for the whole family!

female wrestling toe hold toe hold -skiing: I think his brain got stuck in a rut stuck in a rut -ten-pin bowling.

figgy pudding wrestling: Weeee wish you a Merry Christm-SLAM!

sponge bob squire pants: "Squire! My steed and my lance... Good Lord, you're a sponge, man!"

easter card if you laugh jesus bunny: See, when I laugh I get the Allah frog... I must be doing it wrong.

nude driving beaverton: Does beaverton sound like the setting for a 50's sit-com to anyone ELSE on the board?

batman sound effects: ZAP! BOFF! IDIOTIC SEARCH! CRUNCH!

ytunnel boot smasher 5: That is the BEST Japanese pop group name EVER!

duke blue devil's mascot: Let me guess... pointy head, blue, carries a pitchfork? Am I close?

bears wrestling naked on mat: This could only be more disturbing if it said "CHICAGO bears wrestling naked on mat".

song that begins with i was sitting in the corner: He's got me... BB King or The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band?

pan troglodyte skull pictures: What are these, and why does this guy want to see them?

ecw ppv calender: Hmm.. let me see. January: No PPV, Company out of business. Feburary: See Janurary. March...

munchkin wrestling: We're off to powerslam the Wzard...

rasslin gal womens wrestling: Hey, a bi-lingual Redneck!

the count plays his pipe organ on sesame street 2002: Please tell me "pipe organ" is not a sexual euphamism...

rugrat porno: You sick, sad, twisted little man.

the theme of hbo's autopsy: Never seen it, but I'll make something up for you. "STIFFS! we got 'em! Knives! We'll chop 'em.."

low budget escorts: Our Motto: We'll Fuck for a Buck!

grabum on hold: "Mr Johnson, we've got Grabum on hold, Feelum in the office and Bonkem up against the wall..."

head stuck in the chair: Less of a search, more an online 911 call from a moron.

what is a pile: Stuff put on other stuff... any other questions, Mr Quayle?

harry potter and the green flamed torch: Now that's GOT to be a gay-themed fanfic, right?

sponge bob animated cells: That little guys blood cells lives a more intersting life that I do...

bratty sluts: What, they go down on you, then pout and whine about it afterwards?

c o w cream of wrestling: MOOOOOOOOO-ve away from my site, bozo.

elimidate comments melons: Man, this guy just swallowed EVERYTHING in his medicine cabinet, huh?

machomanrandysavage: OohyeahmeangeneI'mgonnagooutthereandwindiggit?

suck this7: No thanks, i know where that 7's been... I'll stick with my ~ instead. Mmm... lime flavoured!

body solid power cage rack shit weight crap: What the hell did this guy THINK he was going to find?

bought boobs: "Hi Brad, welcome to the party.. oh, wow, you brought boobs! That'll go great with the clam dip!"

insane bloody snowboarding injuries: Now screening on ESPN 2.

twin peaks babelfish: Running Twin Peaks though the babelfish translator could only get it to make MORE sense.

flash birthday card midget sings happy birthday: Hey, I'm 5'7"! I'm not a midget! Oh, you brought boobs? Okay.. *ahem*.. "Happy birthday to you! Happy..."

power boobs: THE POWER OF BOOBS..ahh, the joke is dead.

wwwxiaoxiaocom: Old McDonald had a modem...

walnuts and boobs: Dude, are you hungry or horny? Pick ONE!

whos that boobs: Not quite sure, can I go on to the taste test? (Oh, I am so going to Hell for that one...)

nazi boobs: SIEG, FONDLE!

physics of boobs: Can I get a grant to study this?

gigantic mamas: Mama Cass Appreciation Society?

major dd boobs: "Men, I'm your new CO, Major Dennis D. Boobs... Stop laughing! You will address me as Major Boobs, soldier.. I said STOP LAUGHING!"

jimmy hoffa killed kennedy: Sadly, he disappeared before he got around to Teddy.

powerpuff hazing tape: Well, there goes the innocence of the Powerpuff Girls...

nude wwe girl dives: ...Headfirst into lukewarm pudding! Film at 11.

+appendix +induced hibernation: Nope, I'm stumped, folks.

wwe freemasons: "Freemasons run the country!" Nope, just pro wrestling, apparently.

woman squeezing nads of her brother: Now that's just plain icky.

pictures of the missing jaw of raziel: Couldn't get the picture, sorry... I mean, with it being missing and all.

mentos advert funny: Tom Green silly. Tree pretty.

moron boobs: Yep, that sums you up pretty well, my friend.

farting gundam: Crying freemans' estranged brother, I believe.

i see ma sister nude: Thanks for sharing, Cletus. Yee-haw.

britney sprays: So did the coffee I was drinking when I read this...

free videos of britney spears given blow jobs: is that like "freee-ee... Nelson Mandela (I'm begging you...)"?

in tom and jerry the magic ring tom stole the boy's jerry and tom has to go to jail:: What stands out for me here.. the phrase "tom stole the boy's jerry". Ow.

bodybuilder armwrestle many guys same time: How many arms has this guy got, anyway?

stealing womans panties: Hey, I was young and stupid, okay? *ahem*

shhhhhhhh boob: Noisy boobs can ruin your whole day... especially if they sit behind you at the movies.

fukig boys: Live tonight, for one night only... Ytunnel Boot Smasher 5 and the Fukig Boys!

porno of kurt angle's butt Our Olympic Hero's secret shame...

pearl necklace rectally Those crazy guys from

Jackass are at it again!

necro nurse Troma Studios is bidding on the film rights to THIS novel as we speak...

twinkle twinkle little star rap remix "Twinkle, twinkle, little star, I'll cap your ass like the b!tch you are! Peace!"

gruff ducks Don't feed those ducks, they're... grouchy. (Dramatic chord)

toilet laser light waves Now that's a wierd place to hold a rave.

boobie milk drinker man He was apprehended while sneaking into a maternity ward carrying a box of Oreos...

gay blade wrestling Zorro's would make a fine luchadore... he already has his own mask!

hot twat duc Served in all the finest Thai resturants that specialise in Bad Phun cuisine.

psycosis cure england Crazy? Move to England! You'll still be crazy, but at least we won't have to put up with you any more!

female wrestling in feces I refuse to believe there's ANYONE who wishes to see this...

goth chicks on gas masks No, not IN gas masks.. ON! Go on, balance on this.. it'll be fun!

wrestling butt fart That's one hell of a submission manuever!

the jackhammer of the ear is for the putting of the earring The long-lost "Dirty Hungarian Anatomy Book" sketch.

fuk yu man sum dum chick Yu so bad, go blo dhog kok. And some lychees, thanks.

hot sassy hitchhiker bad bitch The voice-over for a Globan-Golus trailer... "A hot, sassy hitch-hiker... a bad bitch... together.. they're unstoppable!"

250 pounds skateboard Whoa... heavy, man.

porn star measured And she had the WORLDS BIGGEST BOOBS! (And the thread instantly gets 200 hits an hour...)

thunder+wrestling+7feet Thor needed specialised limb-grafting surgery before his pro-wrestling debut.

embroidered ironing board cover y;know, after all the pervese, demented fetish-searches, THIS is the one I find the most disturbing! How strange...

irresistable oil wrestling You know you want me.. SQUECH.. Ooh, yeah.

moose butt canada See, Moosehead beer would be a much bigger seller if they drew THAT end of the moose.

how is mozzerella cheese aged quicker A cheese-specific time machine... don't tell anyone, or we'll have to kill you.

mad sex pardy Mad Magazines' latest attempt at boosting its' circulation.

bob smacks cheese "Naughty cheese! Evil, wicked cheese! Now get in the time machine with the rest of the mozzerella!"

mary mary why you buggin Don't look at me, I don't een know what "buggin" means...

drawf tossing Followed by efl bowling, golbin throwing and orge lifting.

give it to me ghost in the shell I don't remeber Ghost in the Shell HAVING a hardcore sex screne... damn those censors!

describe a wrestling lariat Stick arm out. Watch our guy run into arm and fall down. Want me to desribe a "punch" next?

seexxz Your tax dollars at work, America... Giving you smart bombs ans stupid frickin' kids.

tantrum trainers spanking videos Hosted by Tantrum O'Neal.

mudhen sailboats Other birds fly south for the winter... those damn pampered mudhens make crude cruise liners instead!

mom takes temp rectally And this guys thirty-seven years old! Tonight on "Springer"!

her arms triumphantly What? Detach? Spontaneously combust? What? WHAT?

nurse enema temp Nurse Temp dated Major Boobs for a while, but it was never meant to be.

nose art and the pin up of nurse Okay, setting mind to "Maximum Boggle" now... [Future Skeeter: Apparently, it's to do with WWII Bomber nose art. That makes sense.]

pit stains Umm, not a pleasant image, dude.

boy bare-foot kick-to-the-groin Why do freaky fetishes have to be this specific? Someone explain that to me?

aw nutbunnies I am SO going to use this phrase from now on!

asian dwarf wrestling Finding that will be no "small feat"... ha! I kill me when I steal Mike Myers lines!

he's/6'8+huge+pounds Yeah, it's demoralizing to be weighed in "fairly small pounds".

leeches/why Leeches. Because. Here endeth the lesson.

nipples wrestling pinned Whatever yanks your crank, my friend.

mandatory fracas pandemonium The English phrase printed on a packet of Japanese snack food...

buddy icon with headbang against desk Yep, headbang your desk for a while, buddy. Your searches might make more sense afterwards.

add to cart t-shirt black limp bizkit When did I get into E-commerce, and how much are my knock-off concert T's netting me? Call my accountant!

pepsi symbol looks like the ying yang Well, stop looking at my ying-yang, you perv!

in the movie one two three what pop song did the germans use as a form of torture An endlessly repeating tape of the Spice Girls "Wannabe", I'm guessing.

giving me a wedgie Well, buy bigger underpants, you schmuck!

losers extreme wrestling seattle Their first Pay-Per-View will be called "LEWS: LoserMania I"!

black people having sex or fukig each other The frst album from The Fukig Boys!

kids pee-pee my urine wet pants Okay, I'm calling the cops! Again.

women wrestling breast flashing oops Is this a rap? "Women wrestlin'! breast flashin'! Oops, yo, there it is! Peace!"

joanie and chachi gerbil I must have missed that episode... thank God.

muddas boots Ahh, your mudda wears army boots too, ya mug.

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the ugliest hair dialogue: The Obligatory "The HELL?" search.

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experiment that makes popcorn look like it is crawling: Leaving under a couch in a roach-infested apartment gets the same results.

cold mountain nude scene butt: Quickest. Pervy Search. Ever.

she had huge eyeballs: Umm, okay. Good. Glad to hear it.

a nightmare on elm street 3 dream warriors porn: Now there's a search that'll give you bad dreams, all right.

mixed wrestling ball squeeze: That guy'll be trash-talking in a high-pitched voice.

brigette neilsen where is she: Tied up in my basement next to Patricia Arquette. Just don't tell anyone, okay?

bum grope: The growing trend in Homeless Person Molestation continues.

in the line of fire plastic gun how to make: The F.B.I will be right over once they've finished with Antrax Guy.

sasqutach sounds: Moo.

mibble cam: "Dude, I can see her mibble! Focus, FOCUS!"

contradictions in dracula: "I never drink... vine. Okay, yes I do. NO, no I don't. Vell, just a little of zer chandonnay..."

crispin godzilla: Proof that Cliffie uses Google!

bad 80's rock: Ladies and gentlemen... please welcome to the stage... Five Guys With Huge Hair!

escorts my site copycat: Man, if even hookers are ripping your web-design off, you KNOW you're good at it!

dog seex: Hey, they're doing it Human -Style!

1950's post apocalyptic scifi movie with seven people: The Magnificant, Mutated Seven! Next on HBO!

loretta bobbitt + genitals: That's an accident just waiting to happen...

jade jackie chan hentai: Does Jackie do his own stunts in THIS flick, too?

wisconsin versus yodel: Next on State Court, Kansas vs Mimes! Stay tuned!

romeo and juliet 1960's topless: "Romeo! Romeo! Check these puppies out, Romeo!"

how many spceship: Gee, I don't know, how many would you like? Moron.

gestapos last orgy: What REALLY happened in that bunker after Hitler capped himself.

orange youth coveralls like what is worn in the movie holes: To get your own pair, try holding up a bank with a water pistol.

lou diamond phillips glasses from the movie stand and deliver: List price on E-Bay, 45 cents.

crocdile greeting: Sorry, I only speak Alligator.

tattoo magoo: "Boss! Boss! De plane! De plane!" "That's not a plane, it's a cloud, Tattoo. Put on your glasses, for God's sake!"

did the cartoon character mr magoo have a first name: Answers should be sent to

i was sent to reform school: Nice to see they let you keep the internet access, though.

a picture of a guy tying up a girl: A picture of a girl tying up a chicken.. SNAP! Oh, darn...

marathon runners raped in foil: Hey, Oven-Ready Victims! (PS. Is there REALLY a market for this fetish? Seriously, is there?)

fantasy transformation amputee pictures women -shemale -transexual: Or this one?

lifeguard beach bunny cutout: Nope, that's not a cut-ot, it relly IS Pamela Anderson. We understand the confusion, though.

crazy indian cut ballsack: Ritual circumcision goes horribly, horribly wrong.

why aniston's nipples always erect: Gues they're closer "Friends" than we thought.

strip mining aliens moon: alt.conspiricy gets a new contributer.

in depth summary independence day the movie: Suck, suck, suck, BOOM, suck, suck, BOOM, plot hole, logic lapse, BOOM, the End.

evil eating fruit young mirror family movie youth: I HAVE to see this film. If it IS a film, not a bad acid trip.

how fast does a kiwi run: Kiwis don't run. They hide. Trust me on this.

chicken shrimp and cow cartoons: Nickelodeon resorts to adding new characters to boost flagging ratings.

pornography: Okay, who really need to SEARCH for that these days? It's all but delivered to your inbox each morning like a newspaper.

teeny tiny girl: The one that lives in my head and tells me to set fire to things? She's sleeping, can I take a message?

does the size of a hermit crab matter when racing: I might have to forward this to Al Unser, Jr. for confirmation, but I'm almost certain the answer is "No".

usefulness of jellyfish to humans: They make very comfortable bathing caps. (Hides from Cliffie.)

never let them take you alive: Thanks for the dvice... don't take any wooden nickels.

3rd degree burns -- scientific pictures: As opposed to the "Erotic" 3rd degree burn pictures, I guess. Bleech.

girl: I think I'm going to cry.

areosmith groupies picture: Sadly Steve Tyler stuck his head in shot and obscured them behind his lips.

superbowl naked man riverdance: MTV's decide to top that Janet Jackson stunt NEXT year, I see.

ian thorpe nude preview: Eww, I can see the "Thorpedeo"!

bad boys bimbo in morgue: "Whatcha gonna do?" Change the channel, i think.

ant timpson+crab boy+photos: Ant runs the Incredible Film Fest here in Auckland. What that has to do with giant crustaceans, I have no idea.

picture motorcycle accident face ripped off: take a letter, Mrs. Johnson. You. Sick. Freak. Messge ends.

muscular women gymnasts trampoline pictures: A future "Awful Link of the day" for, I think...

mannequin sex: How was she? A little wooden...

tina louise in a skin tight dress: Gilligan had a REASON for not leaving that island, it seems.

rubber raincoats in storms: Umm, okay. Live long and prosper, sir.

help fot hedgehog project: Singing... "Help my hedgehog, help, help, my hedgehog.."

russian single crusies: Back in the 80's, they were "Comrade Cruises". You had to queue for an hour to get a drink with an umbrella in it. And then they were out of umbrellas.

history of roys trigger: "I bought t' trigger in 1923. Couldn't afford the gun 'till December of '32, though."

well-hung teenagers: Now appearing at Salem High School.

hanglider building plans: Future Darwin Award Winner?

tying up girls in bed: And that's the LEAST disturbing fetish of the day.

how to write gothic freaky writing: Drink a butt-load of Gothic Absinthe and grab a pen, dude!

untitled jerking off: You mean I should be giving my acts of self-love a name? Okay, I call this "A Salute to the Washington Monument!".

hump buddies: That's tanking friendship WAY too far, IMHO.

rabbit dressed in gangster outfit with gun picture: So "Bugs Bunny" was too hard to type?

lip transplant: "Ith there any chanth of a thmaller thet, doc?"

ahh its godzilla: Copy-and-paste 50 times to simluate the subtitles on any Big G. flick.

cow shocker stick cost: EXTREME Cow Tipping! Next on ESPN!

custard wrestle nude: Don't do it in public, you'll end up in "custard-y"! *rimshot*

nickelodeon +kangaroo -captain +fox +potato chips: Hallucenogenics +Google +bad idea

movie teens carjack 2000: "We've got the Millenium started, man! Drive, DRIVE!"

unexpected sex change: Michael Jackson has one "proceedure" too many...

guys with boners holding up cowboy hats: Greatest. Search. Ever! Period.

man spandex anatomy suit educational: Educational use only, huh? Yeah, right, Freaky Freakson.

his frst huge cock: "That's the biggest chicken I've ever seen! You're a natural at this, Fred!"

boys lowblow fetish: The Vienna Boys Choirs dirty little secret is revealed at last...

spaghetti poncho: Alfredo sauce hat optional.

fiend without a face hentai: That tremor you just felt was John Agar cartwheeling in his grave.

sluts from paso robles: Best country-punk crossover band EVER!

1950s virginia mass murders: "Yes, Virginia, I CAN taste the bitter almonds... GACK!"

kung fu porn movie: "Drunken Molestor"? "The Five Diddling Venoms?"

killer clams attack: "The clams are coming! Run! We only have a couple of months to escape!"

women covered with tarantulas: The latest look from Versace didn't go down well with PETA.

pictures of girls tourtured and tied up: Freaky Freakson returns to my site.

where to find the most revealling x rated pictures: Well, if this search is any guide, in my review of "Moonraker", apparently.

jasons car is dum: Jason drives? That explains how he always catches up with people to kill them so easily.

13th year old girls that want to be seen by boys: "I feel like I'm invisible, Sally!" "Who said that?"

wussy nookie: Is that where you see her naughty bits, scream and run away?

stacking gang signs: At least I'm attracting TIDY gangbangers to my site.

bowels or intestines or scream gutting her: You're under arrest, creep.

+ crazy friday the 13th facts: Fun Fact: It was Jasons' Mum who... oh, you knew already, huh?

+friday the 13th+diner+song: Obscure Hillbilly Song in E-Major, by Inbred Jed and the Y-Chromosomes, I think.

bob barker and huge breasts boobs: The price is Right, the search is so, so wrong...

sin sorority extreme edition anime: Who wants to review THIS film?

escape from cleveland snake: Even Snake Plisken isn't tough enough to go to Cleveland!

pet clams outer space: Cliffies' on-line shopping again...

pictures of beatniks 1950's in action: What action? Like, chill out, Daddy-O. Groovy...

sex girls asphyxia plastic bag: Skeeter. Search. Vomit in Bag.

boobs in workmate: OSHA will be interested in THIS workplace accident.

japanese movie letter identical death: A "Ringu" reference I'm missing, perhaps?

girls kissing girls onle Bad spelling. Should have read "girls kissing girls... OLE!".

woman strip search full view: Man pervy search. Half wit.

skydiving topless: That's gotta play havoc with the wind resistance for fuller-figured ladies.

little gi goe army guys: GOE JO!

danielle steele's genre: Is "Crap" a genre?

picture abouth sex with young woman: A Rob Lowe bio-pic in the making?

is george takai gay: His wife would be P.O'ed if he was, I tellya.

women chloroforming men: Who knew this was such a popular fetish? Not me, that's for damn sure.

oversexed bimbo transformation: Next on

Extreme Makeover... Paris Hilton!

windows clean up utility the strangely green chicken company windows clean sweep: Best. Company Name. Ever.

weenie marines: "Into the Weenie-APC! Charge!"

dessert storm raptor: The Weenie Maribes plot to throw a custard pie at Saddam.

nude scene with randy quaid: There goes a good nights sleep for me...

shannon bug suits mosquito: Another one for the "Th' Hell?" pile...

orange bum tarantula: I'd be a grouchy little arachnid with a name like that...

jewish females naked: Oy, gevalt...

bare mammary: "Mammmmmm-ries... light the corners of my dirty little mind..."

who sang the theme song for robin hood in the 1950's: How old do you think I am? Dr. Freex, want to give it a shot? (Ducks cane shot.)

blaxploitation classic rape videos/blaxploitation rape classic videos: That's a new definition of 'Classic' IMHO.

raisin city dragstrip: Turn left at Sultana Street...

ninjas in the 1950s: Were probably very OLD ninjas...

pen v syphillis: You see, the pen IS mightier than the sores! (Ick..)

david bonkem: An oddly perceptive search, as it turned out.

powder puff drunk topless: Powderpuff porn? Gives a new meaning to "Blowing Bubbles"...

gory anime amputee Fuck off, you fucking freaky fuck...

cross country movie lesbianism: Best. Olympic Sport. Ever.

hentai comics isle of beasts: Planet of the Apes meets The Tentacle-Testicle Monster! Next of VERY Adult Swim.

70's sorority girl porn movie titles Yes, this WAS on Marxo's pages, why do you ask?

mudslide porn If this is a euphamism for a strange practise involving defactaion, I'd rather not know.

running bareass I'd join in, but it's winter here.

30's gestapo props Fun Fact: The Gestapo started off as a touring theatre company before turning to Evil.

mafia movie madness coke film clip The Don later had the head of Coca Cola whacked and stole the film.

tiger woods fiancee naked Sounds ulikely, but good luck searching, dude.

cartoons pictures representing peru Sounds equally unlikely, but ggod luck as well.

the little rascals woodchuck vs. Our Gangs mongoose! One night only!

country and western singer and pinky "Pinky, are you yodelling what I'm yodelling?"

what does school spirit mean It's the white liquid the janitor uses to clean grafitti off the lockers, I think.

byron loves shelley The proposed high-brow follow-up to "Joanie Loves Chachi".

what happens to jaws in moonraker 007 *Ding* An accident involving an oxygen tank, Roy Scheider and a speargun, Alex? *BZZT* Nuts.

manuela moonraker Sounds like an Italian Supervillan.

hellraiser bloodline torture face drill Yes, watching

Hellraiser: Bloodline WAS like having a powerdrill in the face. Thanks for reminding me.

jaws sound effect lurker Words. Random. Hedgehog.

jv head explode jokes Hen Grenade goes into stand-up comedy.

the hitcher stoned Okay, who's tried this? Because it sounds like a really bad idea.

breasts of a 15 Bo Derek was a "10" This chick is 150% better.

how to make a booy trap Nope, I only know how to make gurl traps.

nipple fiber My doctor says I need more fibre in my diet, but that's not the best way to get it.

how hermit crabs behave Depends on how well you train them. No-one likes a rude, six-legged smart-mouthed, soft-shelled kid.

get great cheekbones I have a set of perfect cheekbones, but I can't remember where I hid them.

see up her shorts pictures Requisite Pervy Search #1

women with big booties cocooned "Alien 5: Booty Call!"

sherrif suicide calls Hi, Sherrif Suicide! How are you? Oh, depressed again, huh?"

more intersting facts about mount fuji Sorry, I was supposed to have SOME interesting facts about Mt. Fuji? i must have missed the memo.

linkkvybazas97kjjabootucom/ Calling Ken Begg, it's time one of your readers took his pills.

gag or choke or slap gwen summers Well, pick one! And tell me who Gwen Summers is so I can do it...

clips from porn starlets screen tests Rule 1 of Porn Starlethood. Never act with your mouth full.

auto fellatio wife helps I consider that cheating, then.

liverpool +topless +drunk +photo Typical Friday night, like.

dirty hardcore underraged Requisite Illegal Search #1

pope in crackhouse cartoon I'm sure it was hilarious. Now go away.

80's british rodent and james bond A veiled Danger Mouse reference, perhps?

pic of teen mutilators Nope, but I have some hand-etched lithographs of middle-aged massacres, though.

unexpected lesbian encounter "And then she boinked me! I never saw it coming!"

p funk chainsaw says I DIDmention comedian P-Funk. But I'm ticked that Anubis von Mojos' "Zombie '90" review was on page 1 of Google, wheras I was on page 3!

midget frankenstein movie high school dance wolfman I SO hope this is an actual film...

grafting a bull's testicles onto a man Really Bad Ideas, vol. 2

ballsack grappling Really Painful Ideas, vol 7

1950's 60's and 70's gay porn photos Ahhh, classic Vintage Smut! Grendel, I'm assuming this was you?

peplum armenia movie Coming Soon... "Hercules vs. Crippling National Debt!"

street fighter hentai xylophone Spot the odd word out...

movie jiggling camera real The entire shooting script for "10.5".

horror film nudity screencaps Look, go rent the skinflicks like the rest of us do, cheapskate!

final preperations for running a marathon The athens Olympics Committee tralws the Net for last-minute help.

slugs mannequin I wanted to punch people after "Mannequin 2: On The Move"... Does that count?

giant hanging udders on girls Anyone think we need to pool our money and buy this guy a cow?

cow testicles or nuts or scrotum and pictures Never mind, he's on it...

running chafed skin on the butt If this is a new fetish, I'm going to become a monk.

call godzilla the movie girls Call him whatever you like, he's too tall to hear you.

dj simulators "DJ Simulators in tha HIZOUSE! Simulate throwing your hands in the air!"

photo +webcam +female +sex +my name sitehttp//wwwgeocitiescom Find it at

skeeter the movie screen shots Are probably more action-packed than the actual film, I believe.

naked girls in friday the 13th Yeah, I think there were a couple. Let me check.

guy getting head blown off by rubber raft I think someone won ten grand of Bobn Saget for that video.

what impact does man have on an octopus Depends on how high you drop him from.

joey lawrence shaved head I'd pay to see that...

where dose orange spider "I don't know, George, where da bunnies at?"

im a friggin octopus And I'm grinning inanely at that search.

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