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I know a lot of French but what is the word for handball, Thierry?

Thierry Henry's left hand was so fast four Swedish men could not see it help to stop Ireland from qualifying for the World Cup

Thierry Henry and Liam Brady get up close and personal on this Emirates Stadium mural.

Liam Brady and Thierry Henry are up close and personal on this Emirates Stadium mural. Photograph: Kieran Galvin/Colorsport

A quiet week for Irish football, then, the highlight of which for me was probably when I was on BBC's Newsnight accepting David Ginola's apologies from an embarrassed French people. So, y'know, the usual.

And while 82% of French people polled on the news network BMF were saying "Oui!" to the question "Faut-il rejouer le match France-Irlande?", friends who attended the match were reporting back from Paris that by Thursday the Irish team's performance had introduced a new term to the local vernacular: "le fighting spirit".

This can only remind us just how many common French words and phrases have drifted into usage in English. Take "gauche", for example. Where "adroit" (from the French for "right") has come to mean skilled or clever, like a person using their right hand, "gauche" (from the French for "left") now means clumsy, or awkward. This is obviously from the times when left-handedness was seen as unnatural and was discouraged.

Nowadays we know that there is nothing sinister or weak about being left-handed; the left hand can often perform with tremendous dexterity and co-ordination, if the opportunity arises. Sometimes the left hand is so fast under the right circumstances, it's impossible for four Swedish men to spot it in action.

Which brings us neatly to "bete noire". Coming from the archetypal "black beast" of fairytales, this is used for any villain who is particularly hated. Often it isn't obvious who the bete noire is, especially to those who might have spent the last decade slavishly adoring one of the principal candidates. It'll be particularly conflicting, for example, to see the new 60ft-high mural outside a certain London football stadium, part of the "Arsenalisation" project, which among other club legends has, standing side by side, arms over each other's shoulders in filial embrace, Liam Brady and Thierry Henry. Awkward.

Another popular phrase is "cause célèbre". This is any issue causing enormous public debate or controversy, but, interestingly, it's not a phrase used in modern French. This may often mean that a random Frenchman, let's call him … Michel Platini, say, may not have noticed that such a controversy has arisen, and has therefore not felt the need to comment on it. This would surprise many people given that such a Frenchman was previously known to get on his high horse ("un cheval de haute") about all sorts of injustices in sport. This would happen by saying things like: "I want to deliver clean football to Europe. That is my vision. That is my ambition. It is my job, and the job of Sepp Blatter, to protect football, the most popular sport in the world." That is not a very recent quote, though.

"Chaise longue" – nothing to do with football, but what? A bed? A chair? We've got one in my house and we just put coats on it. Sort it out, Platini.

"Laissez-faire" is a good one. Originally the name of an 18th-century economic doctrine, it now indicates any philosophy of non-interference. Such as, and tell me if I'm labouring the point a bit, not stepping in and correcting a ludicrously clear-cut handball despite the place being filled with cameras, screens and witnesses.

At this stage not taking video evidence is tantamount to the referee running away from protesting players, with his fingers in his ears, shouting: "La la la, I'm not listening, I'm not listening." It's not impossible to do video evidence, and it doesn't fundamentally change the rules of the sport. Give the fourth official a telly and let him decide if seeing the footage would correct a mistake by his colleague. If it's ridiculously obvious, raise a flag. And by ridiculously obvious, I mean, if it's so blatant that the home nation will be so embarrassed at the victory that 82% of them would happily play the match again. That sort of obvious.

And then we come to the most important French phrase of all, and certainly the one most beloved of Fifa: "fait accompli". What is done is done. Today is the resumption of the national leagues, next week is the Champions League, and after that the draw for the World Cup finals. We've had our few days to complain, the Irish, but we know, and Fifa know, that if they just hold out until the attention moves back to the clubs, any impetus to sort this out will bleed away. I'd say the clamour for justice in this case will last until the first Sky Sports Whoosh! of the Liverpool-Man City game.

The football circus will move on. C'est la vie.


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What is the French for handball, Thierry? | Dara O Briain

This article was published on guardian.co.uk at 14.55 GMT on Friday 20 November 2009. It was last modified at 16.41 GMT on Friday 20 November 2009.

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  • jordanharper jordanharper

    20 Nov 2009, 3:07PM

    Nothing awkward about Brady and Henry being next to each other.

    There's something decidedly awkward about anyone in the Irish setup criticising Henry for his handball whilst Keane's against Georgia is ignored though.

    The only question is which game to replay first?

  • hackneygriffin hackneygriffin

    20 Nov 2009, 3:11PM

    If, and this is a big if, but if players did not surround and harangue the referee after every decision... IF players didn't shout and abuse referees when calls were made against them or their side... IF players didn't scream for a card to be shown or yell that an injustice had been done....

    If this was the case do you think the referee may have been inclined to listen when told a handball had occurred? Perhaps to listen to Henry when he admitted as much, or even to have give the Irish captain a moment to complain?

    It's all well and good Roy Keane telling FIFA to watch out for the roundabouts... or Dara sarcastically pointing out why blame should be laid at the doors of a Frenchman involved in running the game...

    But the truth is that if the players treated referees with a modicum of respect, if players were held accountable when they harassed officials, if those officials felt as though they part of the game and not an obstacle to it.... then maybe we wouldn't be in the position today.

  • SPiN SPiN

    20 Nov 2009, 3:22PM

    Article 1 of the FIFA Fair play code reads as follows:

    "Winning is without value if victory has been achieved unfairly or dishonestly. Cheating is easy, but brings no pleasure. Playing fair requires courage and character. It is also more satisfying. Fair play always has its reward, even when the game is lost. Playing fair earns respect, while cheating only brings shame. Remember: it is only a game. And games are pointless unless played fairly."

    This gets to the heart of the matter. The 'closed shop' mentality of the football world where pros and ex-pros are reluctant to call a spade a spade and denounce Henry as a cheat for fear of greater scrutiny of their own actions risks damaging irreparably the image of football and sport in general. The Corinthian Spirit appears to live only in a mythological past.

    The French are hiding behind the referee. Many of the Irish too. That is unfair and cowardly. Yes the ref got it wrong, but he is only human, couldn't see through a crowded penalty area and was undoubtedly influenced by the reaction of Henry, Gallas and, to a lesser extent, a vociferous home support.

    To be fair to the ref, he has to be sure of a reason not to award a goal and if neither he nor his linesman (who was on the opposite side of the pitch) saw the handball(s), they couldn't refuse the goal. Perhaps he should've spoken to Henry, but he would've had to find him first. No sooner had the ball gone in and he was sprinting off down towards the Champs-Elysées to celebrate qualification.

    A handball such as Henry's initial touch can happen instinctively. His second touch, when he rolled it onto his foot, demonstrated intent. However, it is the manner of his celebration that underlines his intention to defraud. He revelled in making a mockery of the ideals of sport, sportsmanship and fair play.

    To continue to insist on a refereeing error, as Domenech has done this morning and as J-P Escalettes (President of the FFF) did last night, is obfuscation if not down right dishonesty. The reason the world is so outraged is because of the blatantly dishonest and reprehensible manner of the goal. The Irish team, football, sport and the reputation of France have all suffered as a result this odious act.

    Some in the football world have snarled when it is put to them that Henry should've owned up on the spot to the ref. Why snarl? Of course he should've owned up. After all, it is only a game. Any further success achieved by France after this will be tarnished by the manner in which they qualified for the World Cup.

    Think of the example this sets to kids all across the world. In playgrounds and parks everywhere people will be trying something similar and retorting 'the ref didn't see it' and 'if Henry can do it, so can I.' That is the real tragedy in all this. It's a crying shame that Ireland won't be going to the World Cup, but it's an even greater shame that football, and sport in general, has suffered irreparable damage in this affair. The only lesson that can be taken from this is that cheats prosper.

    It is up to the FFF and Henry to step up to the plate, apologise and offer a replay. In the unlikely event that that happens, I would accept defeat, even a heavy defeat. I would rather lose in a sporting manner and see some dignity return to the sport than retain this bitter taste in my mouth

  • Anglophobia Anglophobia

    20 Nov 2009, 3:25PM

    I know a lot of French but what is the word for replay, Thierry?

    82% of French people polled on the news network BMF were saying "Oui!" to the question "Faut-il rejouer le match France-Irlande?",

  • Cornishpastyman Cornishpastyman

    20 Nov 2009, 3:25PM

    This comment has been removed by a moderator. Replies may also be deleted.
  • sleepwalker sleepwalker

    20 Nov 2009, 3:26PM

    I just wish the hapless Anelka had finished his blooming one on one chance instead of poncing about like bambi and then none of this debate would be happening!

    Dara, you must be gutted (and offended) that a) Your superhuman hero Henry has piled this misery on you and b) That a team led by an astrologer is now going to the World Cup instead of the ROI........

    The greatest irony of course being that the "wandering, show-off of a Leo defender" Gallas meandered forward in order to finish with such aplomb.

    Chin up.

  • sleepwalker sleepwalker

    20 Nov 2009, 3:26PM

    I just wish the hapless Anelka had finished his blooming one on one chance instead of poncing about like bambi and then none of this debate would be happening!

    Dara, you must be gutted (and offended) that a) Your superhuman hero Henry has piled this misery on you and b) That a team led by an astrologer is now going to the World Cup instead of the ROI........

    The greatest irony of course being that the "wandering, show-off of a Leo defender" Gallas meandered forward in order to finish with such aplomb.

    Chin up.

  • MenCallMePhil MenCallMePhil

    20 Nov 2009, 3:27PM

    It was a game.

    We would have gone to penalties

    Losing's hard

    Losing to a moment of cheating is worse

    Ignoring Keane spending most of the fucking game trying to do the same thing is pathetic

  • Cruelbutfair Cruelbutfair

    20 Nov 2009, 3:31PM

    Since your piece went to blog, Henry has said that he believes the game should be replayed. He reminds me, ironically, of Perry Worsthorne admitting that for most of his life he was a racist. He got the plaudits of his Tory friends while playing the white man; now, in old age, he gets a warm round of applause for admitting he was wrong. Henry was thrilled to set up the winning goal for France. We saw that in his celebrations when the full-time whistle blew. Now he wishes us to believe that he is contrite and wishes he could undo what he did.

    Trop tard, mon ami. Trop tard.

    By the way, the French for replay is rejouer. You quote it yourself in your second paragraph.

  • BPires BPires

    20 Nov 2009, 3:33PM

    This comment has been removed by a moderator. Replies may also be deleted.
  • Clydebear Clydebear

    20 Nov 2009, 3:34PM

    Nothing more boring or irritating than incorrect bandwagoners.

    Jordanharper & HackneyGriffin - Firstly, in the very same Ireland v Georgia game Ireland had a perfectly good goal incorrectly ruled out for offside.
    Secondly Georgia finished last in the group and the result meant little to them in relation to qualifying for the WC
    And thirdly Ireland ended up 2nd in the group by 4 points so even a draw against Georgia would'nt have effected anything.

    Now...compare all that to Ireland being denied going to the greatest party of the year next year, the summit of all players aspirations - a World Cup finals - by a poxy irritating piece of cheating. Can you really compare? Is this things "really comign around" ?

    p.s. And if you really think Roy Keane's comments were driven by nothing but an "honest appraisal of the situation" then you really don't know much about Irish football.

  • louisquatorze louisquatorze

    20 Nov 2009, 3:35PM

    Yeah, Spin, when does Robbie Keane have to apologize for taking that penalty, even though he'd been handling the ball and was offside?

    The only moral to get out of this is "don't cheat against certain teams, but cheating against other teams is totally okay."

  • BPires BPires

    20 Nov 2009, 3:35PM

    Cruelbutfair:

    "Since your piece went to blog, Henry has said that he believes the game should be replayed. He reminds me, ironically, of Perry Worsthorne admitting that for most of his life he was a racist. He got the plaudits of his Tory friends while playing the white man; now, in old age, he gets a warm round of applause for admitting he was wrong. Henry was thrilled to set up the winning goal for France. We saw that in his celebrations when the full-time whistle blew. Now he wishes us to believe that he is contrite and wishes he could undo what he did. "

    Well at least Henry is better than Robbie Keane who still has yet to admit anything after his CHEATING tactics against both Georgia and France (he handled the ball twice in the Paris game).

  • Clydebear Clydebear

    20 Nov 2009, 3:36PM

    And if you don't believe me here's the match report. Check out what happens after 24mins.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2009/feb/11/football-world-cup-group-8ireland-georgia-minute-by-minute

  • louisquatorze louisquatorze

    20 Nov 2009, 3:38PM

    Clydebear- so? Did you know all that when the game was played? Why should it matter? Isn't cheating cheating?

    I forgot, cheating only matters when it's against some plucky English-speaking team, not some random Eastern Europeans...

  • scarydoor scarydoor

    20 Nov 2009, 3:39PM

    OK, I'm going to try and defend Henry, Cruelbutfair.

    Here goes.

    Perhaps he was just caught up in excitement of the moment, when celebrating? And, upon reflection (or the reflections of millions of viewers), he has come to his senses?

    Cut me some slack. I only said try to defend him.

  • BPires BPires

    20 Nov 2009, 3:39PM

    Clydebear:

    "Jordanharper & HackneyGriffin - Firstly, in the very same Ireland v Georgia game Ireland had a perfectly good goal incorrectly ruled out for offside.
    Secondly Georgia finished last in the group and the result meant little to them in relation to qualifying for the WC
    And thirdly Ireland ended up 2nd in the group by 4 points so even a draw against Georgia would'nt have effected anything. "

    In other words, CHEATING is ok when it doesn't matter to YOUR team. I'm sure the Georgians just loved losing that game in such a manner.

    The hypocrisy of the last few days rolls on.

    And by the way, Ireland wouldn't have gotten past the group stages in S. Africa -- neither will France.

  • BPires BPires

    20 Nov 2009, 3:40PM

    And the Irish players CELEBRATED wildly in their 2-1 victory over Georgia. Just as that good Irish lad Stephen Hunt celebrated when Reading scored that phantom goal against Watford.

    Oh but those games don't matter. I'm sure Watford and Georgia agree.

  • jdsimon jdsimon

    20 Nov 2009, 3:42PM

    This comment has been removed by a moderator. Replies may also be deleted.
  • Hibernica Hibernica

    20 Nov 2009, 3:43PM

    There's something decidedly awkward about anyone in the Irish setup criticising Henry for his handball whilst Keane's against Georgia is ignored though.

    Keane's 'handball against Georgia' it should be pointed out was an attempted header that went wrong and bounced inadvertantly off his shoulder into the net. Not quite the same thing as Henry's Michael Jordan-esque dribble in Paris.

    The opprobrium being heaped on Henry is way over the top. Yes he robbed us and we're entitled to complain long and loud but this is a sport which regards Norman Hunter, Ron Harris and Tommy Smith as legends even though their preferred method of cheating (smashing their opponents limbs) is morally a hell of a lot worse than what Henry did on Wednesday. Morally, football has always been a muddle.

    it's easy to see why the story has such legs though. There are conspiracy theorists everywhere and they will have noted a FIFA officials comment about the desirability of French qualification. They will also have noted FIFA's seeding of the big countries in order to ensure that Portugal and France couldn't be drawn together. They will certainly have noted the fact that the ref for the game in Paris was one with a recent history of making hometown decisions under pressure (at Anfield) and will believe that the decision to allow the goal proves that FIFA fixed the whole thing. It's all nonsense but this kind of stuff is what the internet thrives on.

    Finally, Roy Keane's rant about the FAI is remarkable. Asked a question about Paris he somehow manages to turn it into a speech about himself and what happened in Saipan. Narcissism surely can't go much further. Roy desperately needs to get over Saipan.

  • jpmb jpmb

    20 Nov 2009, 3:44PM

    If you read the blog carefully, Dara doesn't actually ask what the French for replay is - the question is in the title, which I would guess was written by an incompetent sub-editor.

  • jpmb jpmb

    20 Nov 2009, 3:45PM

    Keane's 'handball against Georgia' it should be pointed out was an attempted header that went wrong and bounced inadvertantly off his shoulder into the net.

    My bollocks. The ball comes over his shoulder and he controls it with his forearm.

    JUSTICE FOR GEORGIA!

  • HenryFitz HenryFitz

    20 Nov 2009, 3:45PM

    As an Irishman, I find all this embarrassing. This is the longest and most strident collective whinge we've had since anglophobia became ironic. Oh, the indignity of all this indignation.

  • Clydebear Clydebear

    20 Nov 2009, 3:47PM

    Louisquatorze - yep, all cheating is cheating. What I'm referring to is the seemingly non-stop bleating from mainly English bloggers that we Irish are somehow complaining too much about this little "normal incident". There's a thing called "context" here and missing out on qualifying for a WC is surely grounds to be a just a bit pissed off.

  • danjp danjp

    20 Nov 2009, 3:49PM

    This is the sad thing about this predicament. FIFA just need to weather the storm for a few weeks and it will go away., and they know this.
    Until supporters of other countries all get behind this cause there will never be enough momentum to make the change that so many people seemingly want.
    I'm trying to start a World Cup boycott until they actually start following through on these empty promises to clean the game up.

  • Clydebear Clydebear

    20 Nov 2009, 3:50PM

    Bp Pires - "And by the way, Ireland wouldn't have gotten past the group stages in S. Africa -- neither will France"

    You are Mystic Meg in disguise and I claim my 5 quid.

  • kingstonian kingstonian

    20 Nov 2009, 3:52PM

    Listen, forget all the irrelevant nonsense about a Georgia game whose "right result" would have left Ireland...er...second in the group as opposed to...er....second in the group.

    But don't forget that Ireland were "cruelly denied" a penalty shoot-out, NOT a place in the finals. And given the comparable standards of goalkeeping and forward play on display in the 210 minutes, that shoot-out might still be 0-0 now...

    PS: Loved the way Mark Lawrenson started referring to the Irish as "we" during the second half on Wednesday. And the following exchange:

    John Murray: You hungry, Lawro?

    Lawro: Why?

    Murray: You've just said Lasagne Diarra

    PPS: And I'm sure English fans would have shrugged their shoulders and said "that's life" if the same thing happened to them

  • ThroughWindandRain ThroughWindandRain

    20 Nov 2009, 3:54PM

    My bollocks. The ball comes over his shoulder and he controls it with his forearm.

    That one quite clearly was a mistimed header that came off his shoulder and into the net. Nothing wrong with it. Granted the penalty award earlier in that game was ridiculous.

  • NotSingingAnymore NotSingingAnymore

    20 Nov 2009, 3:57PM

    This comment has been removed by a moderator. Replies may also be deleted.
  • Clydebear Clydebear

    20 Nov 2009, 3:58PM

    Spot on Kingstonian.

    p.s. Check out this one...not sure if your familiar with them....Apres Match lads on Irish TV who specialise in footie punditry lampooning. This one's a gem

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmGrVIFGOB4

  • BrendanR BrendanR

    20 Nov 2009, 4:01PM

    The introduction of a video referee would render a lot of the arguments in this discussion unnecessary. It is also probably correct to say that with the use of such technology that Ireland would have beaten Georgia in the game referred to above, but that isn't really the point. It is also possible that a video ref might have awarded a penalty to France when Anelka fell over Shay Given earlier on in the first period of extra time on Wednesday night, but again that is not really the point either. The main point is that the use of video technology would reduce the number of incidents where people could break the rules and get away with it. Over the long run that would also probably lead to more giant-killing type results, which in itself would serve to re-invigorate interest in football and help FIFA achieve its' commercial objectives... if you make something too predictable it may have an adverse effect on audience numbers, a possibility that FIFA would do well to contemplate

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