The Internet LOVES lists. I'm talking a serious list problem. Like, if the Internet suddenly stopped posting lists, there'd be web-fiends on the streets sucking dick for lists. That's how intense it is.
I have nothing against the concept of a list, but lists often fall victim to two common flaws.
First, many lists are compiled by people who have not done enough research to warrant their list being in any way authoritative. These lists can still be fun, but rarely live up to their ridiculous claims of being "The 10 Best Whatevers in the History of All of Time."
The other problem is I constantly see lists of sub-groups of things that I didn't even know existed.
If I saw one awesome Ninja Cat video, I would probably sh*t my pants. But the 10 best?!? Needless to say I was excited.
Anyway, I posted my favorite of the group above (which we may have already posted on the Tosh.0 blog — I can't even keep track anymore). You can check out the rest and decide for yourself whether Ninja Cat videos really are a "thing" or whether we can toss this list into the desperate pile.
As we approach 2010, people are beginning to reflect on the past decade.
How much has the Internet changed in that time? Things move so fast in the digital age, it can be hard to quantify. But sometimes something comes along that helps put everything into perspective.
A few weeks ago at a flea market, I found a copy of The Internet For Dummies: 7th Edition — the edition they published in the year 2000. The book is so out-of-date their website doesn't even exist anymore.
At the time, I'm sure it was a helpful reference, but in retrospect, this book is 360 pages of pure hilarity that speaks for itself. Check out what the 2000 edition of The Internet for Dummies had to say about a number of important online topics after the jump…
The top three search engines — Google, Yahoo! and Bing — all recently released their top searches of the year.
The only person to make all three lists? The King of Pop, of course… Michael Jackson.
But you can deduce a lot of information about the type of people who use each search engine by what the top searches were.
For example, with Google, here is the rest of the top five: 1) Twitter, 3) Facebook, 4) Hulu, and 5) Hi5.
As you can tell, Google is the destination for people who have yet to figure out that you can access websites by adding ".com" to the end of a word and typing it directly into your address bar — you know, that giant white space at the top of every browser window.
A quick check of seven of Yahoo's remaining top 10 tells you all you need to know about their average user: 2) Twilight, 3) WWE, 4) Megan Fox, 5) Britney Spears, 7) American Idol, 8) Kim Kardashian, and 9) NASCAR.
That's right… Yahoo is the primary search engine used at Brown University.
Bing's top 10 is the most confounding: 2) Twitter, 3) Swine Flu, 4) Stock Market, 5) Farrah Fawcett, 6) Patrick Swayze, 7) Cash for Clunkers, 8) Jon and Kate Gosselin, 9) Billy Mays, and 10) Jaycee Dugard.
At first, I didn't know what to make of it. Then I realized: Not enough people actually use Bing to make it a statistically significant survey.
It's Statistics 101, people. You can just throw that data out.
While most people agree that the Twitter account @shitmydadsays is mildly funny, we can't all justify it's creator, Justin Halpburn, getting a TV deal with CBS for it's own TV show. A show based off a Twitter account? Even we know that's a bad idea.
If we all knew our tweets had the potential do to anything more than fill everyone in on our mundane statuses, I'm sure we'd all try harder. Or we wouldn't; because Twitter is – and always will be – completely pointless. There's not much more depressing than someone getting paid ridiculous amounts of money for having a mildly entertaining Twitter account… or is there?
After the jump, I've come up with a few more ridiculous Internet-related TV deals that could be pitched so we (me) can stop feeling bad about our (my) Tweets being anything less than television show worthy.
Thanksgiving naturally brings with it a number of questions for the uninitiated. What's a pilgrim? Where's a Mayflower? Buckles on a hat?? And so on.
Typically, when confusion hits, the Internet is a good place to turn. It's full of amazing 'pedias and other smoke and mirror tricks.
However, some questions are just so far out of left field that even the masterminds behind the world wide web can't solve them!
We dug through two of the most popular user-generated Q&A sites — Answers.com and Yahoo! Answers — to bring you six of the most awesomely terrible questions ever asked about Thanksgiving!
The list is interesting and relatively accurate, I guess. Problem is, not much of it is stuff that really effected my life. "Iranian election protests?" Yawn. I wasn't even registered to vote in Iran.
So, with that comedic premise, here are the most important Internet moments of the decade… according to me!
I discover users on Napster had changed their Radiohead songs to "Rodeohead" songs — allowing me to illegally download Kid A despite Napster's new anti-piracy filtering system.
Myspace adds new privacy settings, lowering my ability to stalk people online.
The country's obsession with online poker teaches me how to lose thousands of dollars gambling from the privacy of my own home.
A friend sends me a link to view March Madness on the CBS website, allowing me to watch the NCAA college basketball tournament at work, lowering my productivity effectively to zero.
Utilizing instant messaging and Papa John's website, I convince my sister to buy me a pizza despite us living over a thousand miles apart.
I am informed via email that I will be receiving a life changing sum of $1.000.000,00 American dollars from a rich Nigerian diplomat.
After a single attempt at online dating, I quickly learn why people do not use online dating and vow never to do it again.
Online music retailers such as iTunes provide a worldwide outlet for my band to distribute our music, giving us access to markets that previously would have never been available to us. We earn $26.
Signing up for Twitter — like Facebook, Myspace and Friendster before it — lowers my self-esteem by once again proving that I have less friends than anyone else I know.
I get a job blogging for a living. The rope I use to attempt to hang myself is too long. Will try again in the 2010s.
What is your most important Internet moment of the 2000s? Tell us in the comments.
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