Even Chad Ochocinco has tried to help.

Before the Texans and the Bengals played on Oct. 18, Ochocinco invited Andre Johnson to his home in Cincinnati where he tried, unsuccessfully, to get Houston's freakishly talented wideout to join him on Twitter and Ustream for some much-deserved pub. Instead, Johnson used all of his athletic abilities to duck, shift and spin away from Chad's ubiquitous camera lens and keyboard. It figures: Johnson has led the NFL in receiving yards per game since 2006 while simultaneously shunning the receiva diva style that permeates the league's loudest, neediest group of players.

"I just don't get caught up in who gets the most attention," Johnson told me. "It's not that I don't care or don't have an opinion, I'm just not the kind of person who really worries about that kind of thing." Thank god, say his teammates.

"The crime of it all is, in our sports culture we expect our stars to be loud, outspoken and outrageous," says Texans guard Eric Winston. "Andre has shown the league that, hey, you can be the best wide receiver in football and -- guess what? -- you don't have to act like an a--hole."

In truth, the only label Andre Johnson hates is "quiet." Why? Probably because he's not. He simply doesn't warm up to everyone immediately, and because that makes our job in the media a little harder, a little more complicated, we tend to dismiss players like Johnson as "quiet." But a few weeks ago, while working on the current cover story of ESPN The Magazine, I found him to be thoughtful and funny and an unquestioned leader in Houston.

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Maybe the Washington Redskins need one of their biggest fans, a ninja, to help them win a game?

Actor Rick Yune, a 38-year-old Korean-American who grew up in Washington, D.C., and has been a fan of the Redskins since he was a child, co-stars in the martial arts movie "Ninja Assassin," which opens on Wednesday.

After the Redskins lost a 7-6 heartbreaker to the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday, I asked Yune, who was flying to New York to appear on "Good Morning America," "Do you think the Redskins stink?"

"Come on, man -- I can't talk about my boys like that regardless [of their 3-7 record]," said Yune, who remembers the glory days of the Redskins in the 1980s. "Can we just say we need some additional players?"

You'd think, as a ninja, he'd be more heartless. Ninjas specialize in unorthodox techniques in battle. The movie, directed by James McTeigue, has the potential to make a star out of Yune and the lead actor, Korean star Rain.

"I think this is going to be a cult classic. I think it'll last a long time in theatres and have a lasting effect," said Yune, who previously was in "The Fast and the Furious" and "Die Another Day." "It has a lot of buzz. It's testing through the roof."

Seventeen years ago, Marshall Ulrich paid a man to pull out all his toenails.

He's not sure why so many people are fascinated by that fact.

"It's not a goofy, freaky thing," Ulrich said. "It was something necessary for me to perform at a level I need to perform."

Ulrich is an elite endurance athlete and ultrarunner. He's completed the Seven Summits, including Mt. Everest. He's run clear across the United States -- last year, at age 58, he ran 3,063 miles, the equivalent of 117 marathons; it took him 52½ days. But that's not how a lot of people know him.

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If you read my piece on Jason King a couple months ago and wondered whether he would complete his task of dunking a basketball by his 30th birthday, wonder no more.

After months of various types of training, recording his efforts and posting them on his Web site -- ifthisguycandunk.com (be sure to check out the "trailer'' previewing Sunday's attempt) -- King awoke on his birthday Sunday morning, went to the gym and celebrated turning 30 years old by … dunking the basketball.

"I was really throwing it down,'' said King, who is 5-foot-9 and played hoops at a small high school. "I felt great. I was almost able to do a reverse. I could almost put it down with two hands. It was too good to be true.''

Alas, it was. King had assumed the hoop was regulation height, but when he found himself dunking with too much ease, he decided to measure the basket. Ah, the folly of youth. The hoop, it turned out, was a mere 9 feet, 10 inches off the court. His dunks did not count. He had missed his goal by 2 inches.

"I wish I hadn't measured it out,'' he said. "I regretted measuring it as soon as I brought out the tape. I wish I had resisted the urge. That was a blow to the ego.''

King, who recently moved from Seattle to Reno, Nev., said he had planned a celebratory lobster dinner Sunday night if he accomplished his goal with a birthday dunk. In a clear sign that while old age has not granted him quite enough vertical leap, it has given him wisdom, he went out for lobster anyway.

More importantly, he now realizes that life doesn't end at 30. Just because he didn't dunk by his birthday Sunday doesn't mean he has to give up trying. And he's not going to give up. King figures he is within an inch of dunking, and he's confident he'll be able to do so one day.

"The whole thing has been so much fun and given me something to do,'' he said. "It's a little disappointing but I'm absolutely certain I'll get it. Today is just another day. I would like to say I'll have a video of me dunking within a month.''

What were Donovan McNabb and Jay Cutler talking about after Sunday night's Eagles-Bears game?

McNabb: Keep your head up.

Cutler: Uh-huh. (In his mind: Whatever.)

McNabb: This is just a bad phase.

Cutler: Uh-huh. (My hat is way cooler than your hat.)

McNabb: We all go through it.

Cutler: Yep. (Maybe YOU do. I'm awesome.)

McNabb: We support each other. This is a quarterback fraternity.

Cutler: Uh-huh. (Is there beer at this fraternity?)

McNabb: Everything will turn around eventually. Believe in that.

Cutler: OK. Thanks. (Yeah, and then I'm going to demand a trade out of Chicago and come take your job. I RULE!)

College Football Photos of the Week: Week 12

"If you could just escort me to my car, that would be great."

"Whew! I would have been all but fired, if I lost to this team."

"I would need to practice for 26 hours a day just to find a way to express my disappointment."

"These people need to get a life."

"If it helps any, I know I hope you keep your job for a long time."

"Pardon. We had that ball. It's rude of you to just pick it up."

"You've got to pick up your play. You're losing Heisman votes fast."

"We should really send a copy of this to Les Miles."

"Where is the band to tackle him?"

• I'd be surprised if … there's a better matchup, with as much bad blood, as Texans versus Titans -- and specifically Andre Johnson versus Cortland Finnegan.

• I'd be surprised if … the Saints can stay undefeated with the way they keep turning the ball over lately (13 in their past four games).

• I'd be surprised if … all Syracuse grads are as good sports as Donovan McNabb, who howled at jokes about Division II Le Moyne beating his alma mater as he headed out of the Eagles' practice facility late Thursday.

• I'd be surprised if … Aaron Rodgers doesn't have a big game against the 49ers' weak pass rush.

• I'd be surprised if … something hasn't permanently changed for the worse in our collective fandom when a guy like Maurice Jones-Drew does the right thing for the game and his team but has to put up with the whining of fantasy football owners.

• I'd be surprised if … I end up cool and rich enough when I'm 86 years old to express myself as freely as Bud Adams.

• I'd be surprised if … the Raiders don't at least scare the Bengals and begin to avoid becoming the worst offense in NFL history.

• I'd be surprised if … the Giants, who are 5-15 after byes, don't struggle once again.

• I'd be surprised if … the Browns couldn't do better than Mike Holmgren. Maybe the franchise is in the shape it's in is because Browns owner Randy Lerner thinks a guy with a 4-6 playoffs record in the past 10 years is one of the greatest football minds in the business.

• I'd be surprised if … Dallas' defense doesn't get three sacks for the eighth week in a row.

• I'd be surprised if … Randy Moss and Tom Brady don't teach Darrelle Revis a lesson, even if it's "stop double-teaming Randy and put someone on Wes Welker."

• I'd be surprised if … there was a scarier stat than this: Playing at night, Jay Cutler has thrown a pick every 20.3 passes.

Have you checked out our Page 2 Encyclopedia? Here are some edits and additions:

Hand ball: In soccer, an illegal touch easily identifiable on television; a referee's problem, not France's.

Holliday, Matt: Three-time All-Star as a member of the Colorado Rockies. Second in 2007 National League MVP voting. Traded to Oakland A's in Nov. 2008 in deal for closer Huston Street. Had .831 OPS in 93 games for Oakland. In July 2009, traded to St. Louis Cardinals for three minor-league prospects; compiled 1.023 OPS for St. Louis in 63 games. Tried to catch ball with groin in 2009 playoffs. Free agent; will try to convince an American League team to overpay for a National League player.

Iverson, Allen: College: Georgetown. One of only two Hoyas to leave school early under John Thompson. No. 1 pick in 1996 NBA draft, Philadelphia 76ers. Rookie of the Year, 1997. Two-time All-Star Game MVP. League MVP, 2000-2001. Hates to practice. Won't come off bench. Even Knicks don't want him.

Mangino, Mark: Kansas Jayhawks football coach (2002-present). Led team to Orange Bowl with 12-1 record in 2007, school's first BCS invitation. In 2007, won National Coach of the Year honors from numerous publications, including the Associated Press and ESPN/ABC, and was also named Woody Hayes Coach of the Year. Unlike Hayes, did not end his career by decking an opposing player. Reserves animosity for own players.

Turnover: In football, to lose possession of the ball through a mistake (a fumble, intercepted pass or coaching arrogance).

"But every week of the regular season is important in college football!"

It's the standard line from every BCS apologist who ever lived.

Yet here we are with one week remaining in the college football regular season (or two, depending on the conference) and I ask you to show me one game on this week's schedule that matters.

Just one.

The No. 1 team in the country is playing a bad team from the Sun Belt conference. The No. 2 team in the country is playing an FCS school. The remaining undefeated teams are all favored by three touchdowns or more. Except for Cincinnati. They have a bye week.

I suppose you can say Oregon-Arizona and Cal-Stanford mean something. But that's only if you're a Pac-10 fan who still holds the Rose Bowl in high regard. The rest of the country could care less.

So here we are with one week left in the regular season and you (or your sports-savvy wife/girlfriend) can easily make the case there's not one reason to turn on the TV today.

Imagine that happening in the NFL. You can't. A season's importance and drama should build during the season.

Yet here we are, one week left in the regular season, and the schedule is full of zero. And a couple weeks from now, the entire sport will go dark for a month while we wait for the one game that does matter (as determined by a computer).

Well done, college football. As always. Well done.

Gordon Edes, who has covered baseball for more than 25 years, joined ESPNBoston.com on Friday. Gordon is a colorful character, having written for the Boston Globe, Los Angeles Times, among other publications. He had spent 12 years covering the Red Sox for the Globe.

So Page 2 wanted to welcome him to our family with a question and answer.

Page 2: Is Boston the most passionate sports town in America?

Edes: I've never been to Tuscaloosa on a football Saturday. I have, however, been in the Montreal Forum for a Russia-Team Canada hockey game, Yankee Stadium during the World Series, the Big D for a Cowboys game, and the Spectrum (RIP) for a Flyers game. No team intrudes as much on the fabric of a region's daily life as the Red Sox in New England, but passion flows deep and wide in plenty of places. Whatever they call the park the Marlins play these days isn't one of 'em.

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