The 12 LAMEST Fatalities
#6: Freon's "Bloody Slushy" in Blood Storm
Most of the finishing blows in this spiritual successor to Time Killers are cheesier than Kevin James' underpants. Successfully completing Freon's fatality traps your rival in a block of ice a la Mortal Kombat's Sub-Zero. Then you somehow turn into a gigantic buzz saw blade and grind them to bits. We don't know what's funnier, the fact that the best backstory they could come up with for an ice-themed character is "Leader of the Ice People" or that the fatality's name is "Bloody Slushy."
#5: Kano's Stomach Pounce from MK vs. DC
Slapping a Teen-rating on a Mortal Kombat game is like trying to make a PG-13 horror movie. Sure, it can be done, but whenever you depict something violent by today's standards of violent, it's likely going to come off as ridiculous. Let's be honest, all of the so-called Fatalities in MK vs DC suck ass, and it's obvious after watching this one by Kano that absolutely no effort was put into creating it. Either that or they ran out of ideas when they got to Kano.
#4: Ultra Vortek's Buzzsaw Turns You into Shit
What's not to love about Ultra Vortek? Oh, that's right. Every goddamned thing. It's on the Atari Jaguar, the art is a complete mess, and this finishing move manages to be equal parts incomprehensible and annoying. How does a robot turn someone into a giant pile of crap? And how can we turn off that annoying fart tune? We never thought we'd see the day that we'd be annoyed at flatulence humor, but it has come thanks to Ultra Vortek. Oh, and Atari, the singular of Vortex is Vortex. Something you might want to know if you ever make it out of your 72nd round of bankruptcy.
These tongue-in-cheek Fatalities made their debut in Mortal Kombat II and allowed you to transform your conquered opponent into a baby (hence the name "Babalities"). After completing one of these humiliating finishers, your enemy would appear as a crying infant, complete with baby clothes-versions of what the character normally wears in the game. We get the joke-it's supposed to be ironic that a game known for its profuse gore and violence has something like this. It's just not funny.
#2: Turning People into Famous Paintings in Tattoo Assassins
Data East's campy Mortal Kombat ripoff, Tattoo Assassins, was known for a number of its outrageously stupid Fatality-like finishing moves such as blasting your opponent with a meaty jet of diarrhea and making their clothes disappear with a "Nudality." One finisher in Tattoo Assassins takes the cake for being the lamest overall and it's where you transform your foe into a famous painting. Sometimes it's Whistler's Mother, other times it's the Mona Lisa, simultaneously making no sense and punching historic art in the face.
#1: Kano Ripping Out an Invisible Heart
When Nintendo decided to censor all blood from the SNES version of Mortal Kombat, Midway had to get a bit creative with the neutered fatalities. Some moves were altered slightly, like Raiden's electric shock burning the enemy to ash instead of popping off the head. Other kombatants had their finishers completely changed, like Sub-Zero demolishing a frozen enemy instead of ripping out their spine. The one character who's fatalitiy wasn't altered at all suffered the most in translation. Instead of pulling out an opponent's still-beating heart, the SNES version of Kano grabbed at an opponents chest and pulled out... nothing. We don't know how that move kills a man, but we've been deathly afraid of titty twisters ever since.
More Top GamePro Stories
- God of War III: Q&A with Stig Asmussen
- Flower: May Create Happiness
- The 12 Biggest Upcoming Sequels - (Where Are They Now?)