Brokeback Mountain
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Summary
Brokeback Mountain (more like BrokeBack Mountin', Bareback Mountain amirite?) is a movie about two cowboys who have sex for no reason one night and then all the sudden are in gay love with each other, even though this has never happened in the history of everything evar. It started a fagdrag between catholics and Hollywood.
If you are a heterosexual male, (which you are not), the only reason to see this movie is if your girlfriend forces you to There is no reason to see this movie. Make sure she promises you a blowjob up-front You don't need her permission.
Plot
Here are the main outlines of the plot:
- After World War II ended, two faggots took refuge near a penis shaped mountain called Brokeback. It is there where the two guys filmed their first gay porno and
sold it to Ebaum's World for twenty dollarsEbaum's World stole it..
- Eric Bauman allegedly masturbated furiously while watching the film. After viewing it, his colleagues in the offices next door claimed that he shouted, "Greatest. Film. Evar!!"
- Later that day, Mr. Bauman uploaded the video to his website. He then claimed that he directed the film and should get credit for everything that appeared in the film. The film was constantly downloaded and received numerous accolades from critics and fans alike.
- Near the end of the film, while waiting to receive his academy award, it is revealed by the two gay cowboys that Mr. Bauman did not have any involvement in the making of the porno. The ultimate irony comes when Mr. Bauman goes to jail and stars in a new gay film called Prison Rape with Bubba.
- If you ever use the term "I wish I could quit you, X," where X equals a noun, you have failed at comedy, and should thus go to work as a writer for one of the network late shows. This line is not so much old meme as it is totally unfunny.
Reaction
Weightlifting enthusiast Fereck was known to ejaculate 12 Over 9000 times during a screening of Brokeback Mountain that took place behind his local Gold's Gym. He said this broke his previous record of 9 times which was set as a reaction to Home Alone 2.
Origin
Brokeback Mountain is a 134 minute movie by Ang Lee based on a 15-page short story by Annie Proulx (Not to be confused with Ayn Rand, whose stories are of a similar gay magnitude). As a result of the small size of the short story (and Heath Ledger's dong), the movie is filled with lots of bullshit filler material. Only four things from the original story remain in the movie:
- Gay Sex
- Cheating on Wives to have Gay Sex
- Jack Twist gets beaten to death with a tire iron and left to die.
- Sheep
- ????
- PROFIT!
Jake Gyllenhaal has a very convincing performance wherein he takes it in the ass from Heath Ledger, who lubes Jack Twist up with lots of spit. Heath Ledger also wishes he knew how to quit Jake Gyllenhaal, even though his name is Ennis, which sounds like anus or penis, which immediately makes him gay.
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