Christopher Hitchens

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Hitchens looking as classy as a displaced Brit possibly could.
See that? That's sexy.
How do I failed satire?

Christopher Hitchens, aka "a drink-soaked former Trotskyist popinjay", is an atheist anti-religious troll and staunch supporter of the Iraq War. His Christian brother Peter, who works for Pat Buchanan, opposes the Iraq War. Hitchens states the obvious: that religion is the cause of almost every conflict, and "poisons everything." After all, it's not as though religion has ever been used by elites to motivate the great unwashed while circumstances related to capital and resources were the actual causes of corruption and widespread conflict.

Hitchens' corpulence is the result of his insatiable appetite for deep fried cockstuffed certified halal Iraqi babies and booze.

He is very commonly known for tipping a few back, as he did before approaching journalist Greg Palast and belching, "George Bush was right about everything he said about Iraq!"

Hitchens' gradual decline from an intelligent, thoughtful journalist and the author of many well-researched books that butchered sacred cows like Mother Teresa and Henry Kissinger into a politico-fawning, thoroughly sloshed faggotron is evident from even a cursory examination of his sizable body of work. Ever since Hitchens discovered that he's a whopping 1/32nd Jewish, he's swiftly transformed from a moderate critic of Israel into a slobbering Neocon Zionist.

Having left The Nation, the one semi-decent news magazine in all of America over the past half-century, Hitchens now serves drinks at Imperialist-apologist Western Elite Cafe, which is located in SOHO. In his spare time, he and fellow atheist Richard Dawkins suck each other off in hotel rooms.


Despite his many flaws, Hitchens is a gifted and lulzy troll, especially when televised. In the following clips, he trolls wymyn, Christfags and Bill Maher:

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Europeans think Americans are fat, vulgar, greedy, stupid, ambitious and ignorant and so on. And they've taken as their own, as their representative American, someone (Michael Moore) who actually embodies all of those qualities.


—Hitchens, in a rare moment of clarity

If you're actually certain that you're hitting only a concentration of enemy troops... then it's pretty good because those steel pellets will go straight through somebody and out the other side and through somebody else. And if they're bearing a Koran over their heart, it'll go straight through that, too. So they won't be able to say, 'Ah, I was bearing a Koran over my heart and guess what, the missile stopped halfway through.' No way, 'cause it'll go straight through that as well. They'll be dead, in other words.


—Hitchens, more sauced than usual

Wishfulness has led them to seriously mischaracterize the origins of the problem and to produce an article that is redeemed from complete dullness and mediocrity only by being slightly but unmistakably smelly.


—Hitchens on The Israel Lobby, defending Zion and his fellow Neocons with second-grade insults

...the long-feared coincidence of a messianic regime with an apocalyptic weapon will either occur on your own watch or will be conclusively prevented from occurring.


—Hitchens advises his new favorite jigaboo on the topic of Iran with magical predictions

How nice to have a "peace" movement that is either openly on the side of the vermin, or neutral as between them and the cleanup crew, and how delightful to have a press that refers to this partisanship, or this neutrality, as "progressive."


—Hitchens on the anti-war movement

The realization that American power could and should be used for the defense of pluralism and as a punishment for fascism came to me in Sarajevo a year or two later... That was an early quarrel between me and many of my Nation colleagues, and it was also the first time I found myself in the same trench as people like Paul Wolfowitz and Jeane Kirkpatrick: a shock I had to learn to get over.


—Hitchens on his conversion into an imperialist fuckhead

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Christopher Hitchens is a series on Atheism

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