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Americunts
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
![302,713,708 fucktards and counting [1] (+ 12,000,000 Mexicans)](/web/20080505231706/http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:Dumbfucistan.jpg)
Americunts, (also known as Amerifags) are Quite possibly like, totally the dumbest breed on Earth. Also note that they live in the best country on earth which is further proof that God hates you. Americans are the indigenous people a bunch of squatters sack of hammers who call America (pronounced "murka") home. A veritable melting pot of races, creeds and colours, this species has been rendered practically brain dead by being force-fed vast quantities of "stuff" and relentlessly beaten about the head with the Stupid Stick.
World opinion of Americans is that most are morbidly obese, ignorant, arrogant bullies, who -being Christian hillbillies for the most part- act like they are God's gift to the planet Earth. Meanwhile, the rest of the world hates America.
It is often asked of Americans and non-Americans alike, "Why do you hate America?" and although there are over 9000 answers to this question , the main reason is that the only thing that stands between the Arab nations of the Middle East pushing Israel into the ocean (thus ridding the world of the 'Jewish problem' once and for all) is the U.S. government and the American Public's undying support for the Jews.
Even the hordes of fundie Christians that pretty much run America love the Jews and support the state of Israel, believing that Israel's existence is key to setting the stage for The Rapture according to Biblical prophecy. However, all Americans can identify with a nation built on stolen land and the subjugation of its natives.
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| —George Bernard Shaw, actual quote |
[edit] The American People
Poll after poll has shown that the majority of Americans are illiterate morons. The polls have revealed such gems as (amongst other things) the fact that over 70% of Americans either don't believe in evolution at all or believe that evolution is part of God's 1337 plan, Intelligent Design. And that most American adults can't name the three branches of their government, don't know how many Senators their state has (much less name him/her/them) and don't know what the FDA is or does [2].
Last Thursday, polls revealed that a full 1/5 of Americans couldn't locate the United States when shown a map. The other 4/5 apparently own a map, an atlas and/or a clue but couldn't spell cat if you spotted them a c and a t.
[edit] "Americans"
- Canada: Part of North America. Canadians sound like Americans but act like the English. Generally Canadians do not like Americans, however Americans not named W or Dick Cheney and hippies love Canada for its safe haven laws when dodging the draft is needed and its liberal drug laws. Americans will often pretend to be Canadian when leaving America since leaving the gated-community that is the USA can result in severe blunt force trauma, being taken hostage and even death.
- Mexico: Technically part of North America but considered to be South America by all Americans (business purposes excepted) Mexico once included parts of what is now California, Texas and other South Western states. It is populated by wannabe Americans who will do almost anything from cleaning Americans' houses, landscaping Americans' lawns, picking Americans' produce to babysitting Americans' children for a slice of American Pie (and to repopulate their stolen land). Instead they get no respect, less than minimum wage and are hunted down like the rabid dogs they are by Immigration and Customs Enforcement and Lou Dobbs.
- South America: Ironically there are no Americans in South (or "Latin") America. If an American travels to South America he/she is called a hostage.
[edit] Devolution and the Nanny State
Along with the rampant religious fervour currently sweeping the nation, things such as the growing -and increasingly violent- anti-abortion and anti-gay rights movements, the general mistrust of and disdain for science and continued calls to expand the scope of death penalty eligibility suggests that the American species appears to be 'devolving' -in effect evolving backwards at an alarming rate. Some argue that this is being hastened by the general public's overall willingness to accept a "nanny state", an ideal of sorts that has been gradually foisted upon them by their elected officials since President Franklin D. Roosevelt invented the hugbox as a means to control the great unwashed masses in the 1930s as part of his New Deal.
This also reveals one of the many deep-rooted psychological problems inherent in America's collective national psyche since taking it in the arse is integral for a nanny state to flourish. It can thus be deduced that the majority of Americans have a predilection for acquiescence vis-a-vis their "nanny"'s strict governance, a masochism which is starkly evident when one looks at the almost eager acceptance of the gradual erosion and pwnage of their much vaunted Constitutional, civil and human rights.
Much of this dog-like 'rolling over' can been attributed to what scholars are fond of calling "The Dumbing-Down of America" (which should not to be confused with the extensive Idiot Proofing America went through after WW2) but since that particular bottom of that particular barrel has long since been scraped, the 'nanny's attempts to 'dumb-down' the already dumb is akin to trying zero division. Rather, the current state of the American mind is more likely to be the result of idle minds with too much time and money on their hands. After the stigma attached to being a slave/slave master was removed by Martin Luther King's freeing of the 'textbook slaves' in the 1960s, the 'wage slave' or 'illegal immigrant' were born and not only became affordable to anyone with a 'decent' job but they became the "little black dress" of their day. Without mundane daily tasks such as housekeeping, shopping, driving and raising the kids to worry about, the average American could now stop sweating the small stuff and focus on living life to the max.
However, without any challenges, the collective American mind began to stagnate and like a cripple's atrophied limbs, today stands useless...a slave to the very people they enslaved to do the thinking for them.
Since losing self-sufficiency and resourcefulness to the faceless masses (both domestic and foreign) who maintain the status quo the average American now goes blithely through life assuming that things such as refrigeration, television, phones, entertainment and the climate are a (God) given or naturally occurring phenomena.
This can be easily demonstrated by hiding every day items like remote controls and car keys from Americans or overloading a poorly maintained regional power grid during a heatwave until there are blackouts. When faced with the loss of electrickery, Americans will walk around like chickens with their heads cut off until someone else fixes it since finding solutions to every day problems and implementing them have long since been outsourced to other people.
[edit] Common American Assumptions
Americans take much of every day life for granted. Most Americans believe things such as:
- "Cash Rules Everything Around Me".
- Everybody loves opulence.
- Household appliances are a God given and powered by Jesus.
- Ice cubes are a naturally occurring phenomenon.
- Beer is self-cooling.
- Like water, electricity is a natural resource, is free and is unlimited.
- The whole world has AC, potable water and enough hot dogs for eating contests.
- Food isn't just nutritional, it's for fun (see: Competitive Eating and list of sex moves).
- That Martin Luther King Jr. said: "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the color of their teeth."
[edit] Behaviour
Apart from things like ræping the environment, running their mouths, and consuming everything in mass quantities, there's nothing Americans like better than pwning, be it a country (or "contry" in merkin), a language ("langage") or sports ("sportz").
Soccer (pronounced: "football"), for example, is the number one sport in the world and is played by kicking a round ball around a pitch to score goals. Touching the ball with your hands results in a penalty. However, since Americans are either too lazy or too stupid to read rules (and are definitely too fat to exert themselves for more than five minutes at a time) failed it and pwnt another British game called rugby football (a game played with an oval ball primarily using the hands) instead. They then changed the name of 'football' to 'soccer' -as spoiled brats are wont to do when shit doesn't go their way (see: Freedom French Fries).
[edit] Other Sports Americans Have Pwnt and Changed the Name of Include
- Basketball -from Netball: a game played by English school girls.
- Baseball -from Rounders: a game played by English school boys.
- Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) -from Agro: a game 'played' by rival English football hooligans.
[edit] Other Things Americans Think They Invented
- The Internets (Tim Berners Lee -an Englishman *)
- Freedom (the French)
- Democracy (the Greeks)
- Civil War (the English)
- England (the Romans)
- The English Language (the English)
- Tony Blair
- Whisky (the Scottish)
- America (the Indians)
- Nintendo DS (the Japanese)
- Maths (Arabs)
- Rap (Cockneys)
- Randomness (Random People)
- Shaved Pussies (the Brazilians)
- Football (Copy of English Rugby)
* - Although, the US Army invented the actual pipes, an English and a Belgian invented Web, which eventually became our beloved Internets.
[edit] Americans At War
Some argue that American soldiers are as thick as two short planks, while others would say they do it for the lulz. What everyone can agree on however, is that if you joined the US Army, Marines, Airforce or Navy after the invasion of Iraq you're either a high school drop-out with no future, a gang member, a criminal and/or a fucking moron and are quite deserving of everything you're whining about (currently, not having Internets at the front lines).
Trained entirely on video games like Grand Theft Auto within the sterile bubble that is America, these youngsters have a keen sense of reality, other cultures and fair-play however, Most Americans team with Jews to plot numerous attacks on their own buildings. This is untrue and they will argue that the muslims did it
Americans are excited about their soldiers and like to cover their cars with gay yellow ribbon stickers proclaiming this. Americans however, do not like paying higher taxes for soldiers' weapons, pay, armour, tools, health care, and education. Five years from now our streets will be awash with IED style brain damaged vets with PTSD and maimed bodies. The first thing they will do is kill and eat all of our Vietnam vets. Then they will come for the Jews.
[edit] Common Assumptions About Americans and the Truth About Them
- Are all fat and greedy. (Only about 99% are fat and greedy.)
- Are loud and vulgar. (Particularly the 13 year olds.)
- Will sue anything that moves. (True.)
- Always wear plaid on vacation in Europe. (So please keep them.)
- All own guns and use them for shooting niggers and queers. (Wrong. Americans are equal opportunity shooters with a slight bias.)
- Are uneducated and easily fooled -more than once (see: W).
- Are evil and will eventually destroy the world. (Correct. Research the predicted effects of nuclear weapons from before they tested the first one.)
- Fail at war (see: Korea, Vietnam, Cuba, Afghanistan, Iraq). (See also: The war on homosexuality}
- Love Jews. (Not entirely true. They only love Jews who don't get in the way or are their bankers.)
- Secretly want to be English. (Too true.)
- Are obsessed with dentistry and cosmetic surgery. (See also: The War on Cavities)
- Are the leading cause of Global Warming. (Second only to Mexicans)
- Ruin everything they touch. (Just look at the Internet, and Liverpool Football Club)
- Ran out of the letters, 'u' and 's' in the 18th century and will soon deplete the world's supply of 'z's.
- Will soon be renamed "The Chinese".
[edit] Americans At Play
Americans have a variety of hobbies including:
- Eating
- BBQ
- Competitive Eating
- Shopping
- Eating
- TV
- Eating
- Dog Fighting
- Gaming
- Eating
- Frivolous Lawsuits
- Getting trolled by Eurofags on /b/ every weekend in the obligatory, ritual Eurofag vs. Americunt flame wars. Then losing whenever Eurofags play the "China is pwning America" card.
[edit] Gallery
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 amirite? |
 'Smart' technology |
 Typical smarmy American |
 Americans talk shit |
 Eurofags win again |
 Guns vs Butthurt |
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[edit] See Also
[edit] External Links
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Categories: People | Epithets | Abnormal Psych | Trolls
