Free Speech

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Free Speech means you can say whatever you want whenever you want to whomever you want*. Free Speech is thus invoked in flame wars to act like a retard under the guise of protecting "basic civil liberties."

*Warranty void in the United States. Free speech does not apply to making bombs, threatening to pwn the president, posting loli or shota in the state of Virginia, posting 09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0, creating keygens, at Rromchan & Animax, or if your name is Mike Diana. Free Speech Sweepstakes expires January 1, 2008, many will enter, few will win.

Contents

History

At least 100 years ago people did not have free speech and were only allowed to speak in 5-word sentences. Then they found out how much fun it was to yell 'Fire!' in a crowded room and watch everyone stampede over each other to get out. Death and lulz ensued and free speech was born.

Free Speech and the US

Unfortunately, in the US free speech is distributed equally and whenever anyone is butthurt by someone else, they will not stop talking about it. According to the US Constitution, free speech does not exist anywhere else in the world.

Free speech is protected in the Bill of Rights, but is ignored like the rest of it. For example, the first right is:
 
 
Congress shall make no law.
 

 

—Buddha

and yet they make laws every day. Socialists argue that "free speech in the sense used in bourgeois capitalist 'democracies' means the right to undermine social justice and erode the social solidarity of the working class." But they're socialists, so what the fuck do they know about free speech?

Some penalties for improper use of free speech in America include:

A popular place for free speech is inside the head of someone else.

Free Speech and the Internets

Like all other freedoms, free speech ceases to exist once you are on the internet. Unlike real life, which could be likened to a truck that things just get dumped on, the internet is actually a series of tubes, each of which has an owner who wields total power over everything passing through said tube. The internet could thus be considered a collection of despotic nation-states, each ruled by its own tyrant. Knowing this, it is clear that freedoms as we know them do not exist on the internet, and yet most people believe just the opposite. Some dictators even encourage this misconception by making their empires seem free, in order to lure their subjects into a false sense of security. In any case, much lulz ensue when misguided netizens finally come crashing up against reality. Many victims of this misunderstanding have in fact become so misguided that they proceed to directly dispute the actions of the local dictator, whom they contend is infringing on their right to free speech. The cycle inevitably repeats until one party gives up.

Groups which Enjoy Free Speech

  • Jews
  • Blacks
  • Muslims
  • Women
  • Gays
  • Basically anyone who isn't a straight, white male

Groups with Limited Free Speech

Mimes have never had free speech because they are communists.

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Free Speech is part of a series on Language & Communication




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