Video Game Reviewers
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Because there are many video games out there,such as Pikmin, Mario, and Animal Crossing, some fucktards decided that writing and complaining about them was a good idea. So, video game reviewers were born. Of course, everybody decided to do it, making it unfunny.
Video Game reviews popped up from the glorified game advertisements one sees in a magazine like GameInformer, Nintendo Power, or on official websites like IGN and Gamespot. They also appear from the average gamers up on sites like GameFAQs and even IGN And Gamespot.
Video Games Reviews simply tend to be either praising everything about the game and giving it 10's all around. But the majority of them, thanks in no part to the success of SeanBaby, (and later, the Angry Video Game Nerd and Zero Punctuation) are now negative in which the player either knocks-off one of the two or one of the very old pre-Angry Video Game Nerd review sites that simply reviewed bad games to make the reviewer laugh.
They are also often graded out of a scale of ten. In theory there are games that span all numbers of the scales but the only reviewers who actually dip below the "5" level are those reviewers on GameFAQs or referenced satirical reviewers.
A video game reviewer is a helpful tool in making a video game purchase - because only THEY can tell you which games to get. These are almost always the ones that they're paid to say good things about rather than those games you may enjoy better.
NEVER get anything below a seven. Those games are budget games and are crappy! There is no way you can enjoy them - just play more Halo. Oh wait, you don't like multiplayer, well the reviews said nothing about Single player so you're best off getting Final Fantasy. Oh wait you don't like RPGs....well tough luck pal, nothing other than those or Mario and Pokemon are above seven meaning nothing else is worth your time!
How to Identify a Video Game Reviewer on YouTube
Identifying one of these "reviewers" on YouTube is an unbelievably simple task that even a man of epic fail can identify with ease. Look for these signs in an acquaintance or relative, even you yourself, to properly identify them as this type of YouTube failure:
- You get bullied frequently; even by the losers at school
- You have no life
- You are socially awkward
- You are asking for it
- You fancy yourself a comic genius
- You fancy yourself as a savior of mankind by doing ten minute run-throughs of old games
- You play nothing but old video games
- You play your old video games on an emulator
- You listen to DragonForce
- You have a collection of games and systems that rivals the book selection of the Richard Nixon Library
- You quote unfunny sitcoms and old memes for great justice
- You are a basement dweller
- You are a furry
- You have an account on DeviantArt
- You hold Japanese anime as the holy grail of the visual medium
- You are an avid fapper to Samus, Tifa or Amy Rose
- You are an asspie
- You have an ego the size of Montana
- You have Windows Movie Maker
- You like to go and fight e-wars for someone you don't even know
- You are prone to trolling
- You have pent up rage and have no other medium to unleash it
- You have a fifty-foot restraining order against any woman you come in contact with
- You like to bitch about Game Informer or other mainstream video game reviewing sites
- You bitch about how YouTube doesn't respect most game reviewers on their site
How to Become a Video Game Reviewer on YouTube
If you or a relative identify with at least one of the traits above, then video game reviewing is just for you! Follow these easy steps to becoming one and you too will claim thousands of subscribers as your own.
Step One: Brainstorming
The first step is, obviously, to find your reviewing niche in this burgeoning movement. Old or new games? Sega or Nintendo? AVGN or Irate Gamer clone? Screaming banshee or socially aloof awkwardness? Unfunny or Unfunny? The choices can be daunting and at times stressful, but this process should take you no more than five minutes to figure out, as reviews on YouTube aren't about the pre-production process. They are about honest, non-biased reviews that serve as an alternative saying to the oppressive, corporate reviews of the evil mainstream sites on the internet.
The next logical step would be to name yourself as an original and innovative reviewer. If you have trouble with this step, this tool can help you out [1].
Step Two: The Tools
After you have figured out your course of action to conquer YouTube, you need to conjure the necessary tools in order to contribute to this movement. To review, you will need:
- An emulator of your system of choice (or, if you are indeed a l33t gamer, buy a GameBridge, connect it to your system of choice and your computer, and boast about owning such a readily available game system to the internet).
- A capturing device for the emulator. Even if you can't afford a gaming system or GameBridge, don't fear. Improvise with CamStudio, Unregistered Hypercam 2 or, if you don't feel like getting viruses on your run-of-the-mill Dell computer, just point your webcam at a portion of the computer screen. Remember, visual quality is not mandatory for reviewing. All that matters is that you are rebelling against the corporate machine. YouTube's going to butcher the visuals of your video anyway, so tell them to suck it.
- A microphone. Use a Radio Shack headset to emphasize the tinniness and awkward sound of your voice. Audio quality is also not important to reviewing games, either, so be sure to scream your voice box to death to gain the appreciation of YouTube.
- If you can't afford a microphone, just use a text-to-speech mechanism or text via Windows Movie Maker to get your message across.
- An editor. Don't get into a panic about this, for every computer comes with either Windows Movie Maker or iMovie. No, you're not going to be doing any actual editing to cut out moments of stuttering, dead air or any other douchebaggery that comes out of your mouth. It would ruin the message you are trying to convey to the 'Tubes.
- A YouTube account. Pretty straightforward. Choose a hip and edgy name to become the envy of the internets in no time.
Step Three: Production
No, this isn't hard at all. all you have to do is this.
- Record the gameplay from the emulator while recording your vocals at the same time. One key word of advice in this regard is to never script your reviews. The only people who do this are sellouts who are in league with the evil of mainstream reviewing sites and believe in production quality and keeping their viewers interested in the product.
- Only with a massive recording glitch should you ever think about re-recording your review. This helps to make the review more organic and honest.
- Import and export video out of WMM. An optional task; only if you wish to add text, combine vocals and video or, if you are daring, do a few minor edits to the video. YouTube has an option to upload webcam recordings straight to the site, so if this is the case, go straight to step four.
- Upload video to YouTube. Make sure to add keywords that are popular web hits but serve absolutely no purpose to identifying your video in order to maximize video and page views.
With these steps completed, you will have created a visual masterpiece that rivals such first-grade works of art such as these:
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Previous Video | Next Video |
Please note that all of these videos are quite popular despite the fact that they are the equivalent of mass genocide. So even if your videos suck complete ass, users on the site will still love you. A common misconception is that you have to be talented to be popular on YouTube, but as many popular YouTube personalities and vloggers can tell you, talent is an unneeded ingredient for YouTube popularity. Sure, there will be haters, but they will be driven away by wave after wave of your future fanboys.
Step Four: ????
Step Five: PROFIT!
Congratulations! You have officially become a great reviewer on YouTube in league with the great champions such as those below. Feast on delicious foods, O glorious one, for you are now the splooge of Google's assbirth.
Forgettable Reviewers
AkewsticRockR
Kyle J. Hendrickson AKA AkewsticRockR AKA Rainn Wilson's long lost bastard, is a youtube christian who breaks many of God's laws on a frequent basis and is clearly going to hell when he dies. AkewsticRockR is guilty of making a constant practice of the sins of pride, wrath, hypocrisy, homosexuality, lying, and not loving thy neighbors like he loves himself(and he loves himself a lot). Despite all this, AkewsticRockR is happy to preach to any and every person who says a single curse-word on youtube about their sins and how they are to be condemned for it.
AkewsticRockR's main hobbies include sucking up to Lisa Nova, criticizing everyone on youtube for being sinners (the majority of which are saints compared to AkewsticRockR), dissecting other users' videos (picking out the minutest and most insignificant of imperfections) and generally pointing out to everyone at any opportunity that he's now a "Youtube Partner".
AkewsticRockR started out on youtube by plagiarizing the Angry Video Game Nerd's TMNT review in a horribly unfunny, Christian BAWfest. His subsequent videos have proven equally talentless. He used to have Youtube warz with another basement dweller by the name of Undercoverfilmer00v, but UCF became butthurt from the constant bitching from AkewsticRockR and fucked off from Youtube, thus ending the lulz.
He tried to start another war with Silent Rob, a talentless, butthurt, emaciated hick who never leaves his mother's attic. Targetting Rob, (a moar popular reviewer) would seem like a good shot at publicity, but since Rob never puts an ounce of fucking effort into his videos, nothing interesting happened.
- You can view AkewsticRockR's Youtube channel here.
- Twitter Profile (Confirms his location as being in Pottston, PA)
- Suite101.com Profile (Confirms his full name as being "Kyle J. Hendrickson"]
The Angry Video Game Nerd
Previously known as the Angry Nintendo Nerd, the AVGN arguably started the whole video game reviewer fad (though ironically he ripped off Seanbaby)and is probably the most known of them all. But is now the internet's equivalent of The Simpsons: Stopped being funny several years ago, and seriously needs to fuck off.
The AVGN pretends to suck at games and then throws them out a window/does something unfunny. Known for a shitty theme song, cussing, and references to animals. He's also gone a bit shit in recent times due to him solely reviewing games of movie tie-ins.
The Nerd is also known for his limited vocabulary, including many classic quotes such as:
What a shitload of fuck!;
Cowafucking Piece of dog shit!;
Fuck this shit...;
Fuck!;
Shit!;
AASSS!;
FUUUCK!;
Damn!;
It sucking fucks, it fucking sucks, it's a piece of shit!, and I don't like it.
And pretty much every other swear word in the dictionary. All of which have since been stolen by other video game reviewers to the point they're now cliché and completely lost all meaning.
Armake21
Marcus Sparacio, also known as NicotineAlien for a short while before getting his ass b& (and now BoxedEntertainment21), Armake21 is an overrated, slap-headded, 25-year-old virgin game reviewer who can't review for shit. He just attempts to swear at them for ten minutes in his wispy Winnie the Pooh voice. Armake21's most recognizable feature is his uncanny talent of growing hair on the wrong side of his head.
Fagboys got butthurt when Armake21's account was mysteriously closed, and all videos were removed. It has been confirmed that his account has been closed by himself in an emo sympathy vote.
His new account, BoxedEntertainment21, still contains the same three year old reviews and constant empty threats of never doing any more reviews (in his favorite flavor: White text in an Impact font on a black background). Fanbois now wait for reuploads of his awesome game reviews so they can go back to jerking off to his older works instead of choking on Armake's cock.
ConsoleVania / VideoGaiden
(Left) Rab Florence
(Right) Ryan McCloud
ConsoleVania (otherwise known as VideoGaiden in it's watered down BBC guise) is a series presented by a pair of arrogant, pretentious, egocentric, self-obsessed Scottish twats, who unwarrantly proclaimed themselves to be the saviours of video gaming on the internet and British television, but ended up failing on a level of epic 9/11 proportions due to their own narcissism.
Presented by Robert Florence, The bastard love child of a shaved bear and Rab C. Nesbit, & Ryan McCloud, The stereotypical quieter, even less talented hanger-on. The two Jocks stumble around screen attempting to be funny in sketches, whilst occasionally reviewing a video game for 10 seconds with a slew of profanities when they can be bothered.
One day, some highly innovative BBC producer (whom, coincidentally turned out to be a friend) knocked on their door asking if they could air their quality entertainment on "BBC2 Scotland" at a time when everyone is in bed asleep (Sunday at midnight). Rab and Ryan's ego went through the roof proclaiming that their program would be the greatest gaming TV show on British Television since GamesMaster (which admittedly isn't that hard to so considering all gaming TV shows are shit anyway by default). Unfortunately, what they produced turned out to be a 30 minute sketch show of them desperately trying to be recognised as comedians and a foot-in-the-door on TV and completely ignored the fact that it was supposed to be a show that reviews video games.
The BBC dumped them off regional television airwaves completely for the third series when they realised that it was genuinely shit, no-one watched it (not even Scottish insomniacs) & ran it on a tiny sub-section of their Scottish website instead. Rab and Ryan valiantly claimed that "TV is dead" in a poor measure to save face, days before the BBC pulled the plug all-together. Nowadays, Rab enjoys pointing out how much more talented he is compared to other video game reviewers and Gaming TV presenters to his small legion of ass-kissing fanboys on his forum, occasionally making a high quality video for YouTube that everyone watches, Whilst Ryan still hangs on to him like a dried piece of shit on a pubic hair.
Undoubtedly one of his trolls will notice this article in due course, which'll make Rab go off on a butthurt rant all over again about how much better than everyone else he is.
TheGamingGoose
The Gaming Goose is a hard reviewer to explain, he's best described as a mass of blubber and beard all wrapped up in a T-Shirt that reviews NES games and cheap-o PS2 shit he finds in bargain bins.
He often talks about male penetrative sex in his reviews, but then moved onto making "Let's Plays", (which ironically, is even more fucking gay), Luckily, he has since come to his senses and has emerged as a legitimate troll of the video game community. His constant parodies of many reviewers has generated marginal amounts of lulz out of the situation, most notably when he recently attacked Armake21's arrogant, self-obsessed tl;dr comments on an, ironically, tl;dw video.
He is one of the more tolerable persons on this list, but that's like comparing smallpox to consumption.
GreatExpectations320
David "GreatExpectations320" Torok is the type of person that Encyclopedia Dramatica was made for. His videos and hurt ego proved that he is a wannabe emo, some preteen jew who doesn't know what he's talking about and thus is just another unfunny 13 year old youtube user who reviews 20 year old NES games that no one cares about. Embarrassing the video game community on a scale that wouldn't be emulated until Chadwardenn, he got PWNED by anyone of any sex, age, race, or creed within a 50 mile radius of an internet connection.
David "greatexpectations320" Torok has only a handful of fans, yet that's moar than enough to make him think that he's super popular and funny, therefore making him serious business. Greatexpectations320 thinks that the FBI is willing to stop fighting terrorists and drug smugglers and instead go hunt the mean people on the internet who make fun of him.
Greatexpectations 320 is a poster child for underage B@,as evidenced by any of his reviews or the videos he post where claims to be the best game reviewer of teh tubes
If you'd like a chat with GE320, you may contact him at; Skype: ge320themanhimself
| —ge320 crying about the haters |
The Irate Gamer
Basically, just cut and paste exactly what's been said above about the Angry Video Game Nerd, as that's pretty much what The Irate Gamer does himself anyway.
Just read his article. ED has wasted too much webspace on the plagiarising cunt as it is.
- You can view The
Angry Video Game NerdIrate Gamer's Youtube channel here. - Irate Gamer resorting to bribery to boost subscriptions
jedite1
Your typical basement dwelling nerd...on steroids!
Jedite1 was once looked up to as a God-like reviewer by his fellow YouTubers. Despite this, his reviews were basically the same thing as the Angry Video Game Nerd's, but with an annoying nasal voice, a slight lisp and a stutter. He then made Q&A videos, answering questions from his followers, which were also full of fail as he took at least thirty minutes to answer one question. Mysteriously disappeared from les tubes, only to return to show off his now muscular arms and pecs, as well as rant over the butthurt going on around les tubes. Buttbudies with Spax3.
He has since fallen off of the face of the earth once again and is now most likely in a developmental wrestling league harnessing his brilliant charisma and microphone skills. HE'S BACK!!!
LeisureSuitGaming / Silent Rob
AKA The Ginger Whinger, Silent Rob is a hardcore internets tough guy who is more known nowadays for his whiny emo diatribes than his "fuck"-fests in disguise as video game reviews. He got his start as an extremely overrated game "reviewer" best known for his Action 52 review, which was, shockingly, worse than the game was in all aspects. But after sucking Damien Estreich's cock enough to merit YouTube Partnership and the featuring of his videos on the main page, Mr. Estrech refused to give it to him, deeming his work unoriginal.
This is when Silent Rob busted down the floodgates and spent ten minutes bitching about the Irate Gamer, in which his arguments, for every small truth they may have had, were cockblocked by at least fifteen references to IG "loving the cock" per truth. His fanbase, being as intelligent as lemmings, followed his orders and started hating the reviewer, spawning a great, yet pathetic, amount of proxy lulz that still lingers to this day.
Rob has still not gotten over the butthurt of not becoming a YouTube Partner. Seeing the likes of the AVGN, That Guy With The Glasses, and Yahtzee making money hands over fists, he has since gotten into internet panhandling by creating his own website devoted to his poorly-made, unfunny abortions that he calls videos.
But this story has a twist: He charges people $5 just to visit it. He has rightfully suffered backlash from his loyal followers, finally seeing how shitty his work really is. The ensuing lulz that has resulted from Silent Rob's butthurt and subsequent bawwwing about the website can be best described as the funniest thing that man has ever done.
Rob also boasts that he fucked some female game reviewer IRL. Not that it means much.
The PissedOffVideoGamer
Rip-off of the Angry Video Game Nerd, a Russian immigrant, Uncle Fester look-a-like whose unbelievably fat and pokes at things with a little stick. Also mistakes multiple things for food. Closed down his account due to many YouTubers manning the harpoons and bracing themselves for impact. An account named PissedOffAngryGamer still has his Nintendo Gamecube review up for public view. Oh, and did I mention that he is also fat? [2].
PlayItBogart / PiBhas5stars
The only game reviewer on YouTube to even cum close to the word decent, but he got suspended for "accidentally" posting vids of him having gay sex with his boyfriend. He then decided to post his vids on Revver How do we know this? Cuz this homo came back to YouTube and made another account (with another video) to let the world know his homosexuality. [3]
You can view PlayItBogart's New Youtube channel here.LOL Closed!!!!!- You can view PlayItBogart's Revver channel here.
SashaNein / Still Gaming
SashaNein, (Also known as "Still Gaming") initially appears to to a sensible, rational human being, with well thought out video game reviews and agreeable points on mid-80's to early-90's technology, but instead turns out to be a complete and utter fucking nut-job wacko.
He suffers from a severe case of hypochondria, in his case a crippling stomach pain which makes him incapable of making reviews for months at a time, but bizarrely also allows him to make countless "vlogs" describing his symptoms constantly to gain sympathy votes.
When SashaNein's not making videos about his stomach illness, He enjoys taking it up the ass from PBC Productions, Classic Game Room and That Guy With The Glasses as he can never get through one fucking video or paragraph without sucking up to them at least twice. (though being their bitch may actually explain his constant stomach pains).
SashaNein also is the only person on YouTube to suffer from pretend Lou Garrick's disease, as he has never appeared moving on screen, he's only seen in a collection of awkward poses to slightly lessen the monotony of his rants.
SashaNein has, on rare occasions, shown the potential to be a good source of e-drama as he becomes agitated and defensive quite easily. Whether it's fending off criticism of his derivative and mediocre work, or standing up for his whale of a fiance Dena after revealing herself to be a furry. These events did not nearly create as much lulz as they could have due to his show being of such little noteworthiness at the time they simply flew under the radar.
Spax3
Teh biggest Sonic fanboy in the entire internets. He recently became an hero closing his YouTube account because of cyberbullying. He wants 2 fuck Cream the Rabbitch cuz Spax3 iz a pedo, amirite? However, he's still making game reviews on his own website for all of his gaymer fans. But be warned, any mockery of him on the internets could result in legal action from his E-lawyer mother. He named his show CartoonNetwork ASN (A Shitty Network) to honor the original CartoonNetwork.
SpoonyOne
SpoonyOne is another run-of-the-mill video game reviewer on YouTube, but there is one big difference: he was actually funny at one point. He started out as your typical YouTube reviewer, but emerged as a great with his effective trolling of the Final Fantasy community with his reviews bashing Final Fantasy VIII. As fanboys of the series were butthurt by these outright lies, it sparked wave after wave of lulzy comments and replies talking about how he's a /v/irgin that will never get laid.
Since then, Spoony has tried his hand at other forms of entertainment. Sadly, none of them were very good. Most of his normal reviews that have time and effort put into them may provide some laughs, but sadly Spoony is not competent enough to produce a regularly satisfying quality of work that is capable of entertaining anyone but the most devoted fans. At one point Spoony spent a particularly shameful stretch of time where it seemed he was joining in on the atrocious "Let's Play" trend, and though he has since dropped such a terrible fad he has not yet seen fit to drop the rest of his deplorable attempts at comedy such as his insufferably unfunny alter ego known as Doctor Insano, his affiliation with the sinkhole of internet talent known as That Guy With The Glasses/Blistered Thumbs along with the constant get-togethers and crossovers they require their members to partake in, the insipid "Game/Movie in 5 Seconds" series which appeals greatly to his aforementioned tendencies to put as little effort as possible into the majority of his work, and his near constant vlogs which are little more than watching a bitter manchild sit in his room and whine incessantly for upwards of 30-40 minutes. Coincidentally, these horrid vlogs now account for the majority of the content Spoony is producing.
A word of advice: Troll moar. Then you will become an winrar and indeed win the prize.
WHOA NOW! E-DRAMA AHOY!
Since he muscled out all the other nerds and won the Mashable "Funniest Person to Follow"-title, viewers were expecting some kind of celebratory speech. What they got, however, was a two-page written rant, lashing out at his fans for not liking his crossover collaborations with TGWTG, blaming all the viewers for the butthurt the criticism has caused among his neckbeard Blistered Thumbs buddies, and telling his fans to "just fucking leave my site if they don't like it". Apparently his acceptance speech got trolled by fans of the other contestants so he flipped the fuck out on EVERYBODY. Ha Ha, Oh Wow, talk about moodswings! For a guy who's claim to fame is trolling FF fanboys he sure has some frail nerves.
UrinatingTree
(Avatar - Never Seen IRL)
A horribly unfunny reviewer who's "persona" was just talking in an annoying voice and pointlessly screaming into a microphone expecting people to laugh.
The pathetic excrement of a man never showed his face, much to the benefit of the internets, but it can be said that he is probably a 500-plus-pound diabetic who quotes Family Guy like the Bible, has no friends, and guzzles sugar by the pound. Remember, this is merely a probably accurate guess of what he is, as he never revealed any personal info about himself.
After months of failing horribly at everything he ever did, UrinatingTree finally realized his videos were shit so he deleted his account and all his videos in what was to be called V-T day. His fanbois bawwed until he made a TL;DR essay on why he fucked off. UrinatingTree basically said that he didn't want his "legacy" to be in those videos (i.e. his parents found out about his reviews and threatened to cut down his internet if he didn't delete them). Being a complete hypocrite, he has since returned to YouTube only to constantly remind his fanbase on how he failed to an hero during his hiatus.
- You Can view UrinatingTree's YouTube account Here.
- You Can view UrinatingTree's Sock-Puppet YouTube account Here.
WizWar100 / LazyWorkCreations
Commonly known in the trade as a U.F.O. (An Unfunny Fucker Online) WizWar100 is an extremely untalented chink immigrant, who mixes his time of reviewing video games that the Angry Video Game Nerd or Armake21 have already covered with chopping up the neighbors Alsations for his parents sweat shop Chinese Take Away.
Now called "LazyWorkCreations" (should have been LazyWOKCreations Amirite?) because the stupid bastard forgot his old Youtube password, he now fills his account with Q&A's that contain answers to questions noone asked, videos of his friends at college getting pissed off with a slitty-eyed fucker shoving a camera in their face constantly and clips of him playing Beta/Demo versions of PS3 games because his immigrant welfare check won't cover a full game. He currently spends his wasted life on the Spoony Experiment forums spamming his shitty videos and constantly crying about how he will never be a popular, recognized reviewer.
- You can view WizWar's old youtube channel here
- You can view Wizwar's New LazyWorkCreations youtube channel here
Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw
Although not the same kind of game reviewer as the above, he still deserves a mention for being such a (as other Britfags would call him) southern twat.
Basically, take your most pompous and egotistical Britfag, make a bunch of MS Paint slides, have him talk over them, speed up the audio, and you have instant comedy gold. Think the AVGN except with a few more brain cells, no access to a video camera, and reviewing new games instead of old ones. He used to review fairly poor games, but now has taken it upon himself to troll the easily upset fanboys of recent and over-hyped games like Halo 3, Smash Brothers Brawl, and Metal Gear Solid 4. He has also called out Tim Buckley on occasion (like anybody has not done that before) for his faggotry. V/ has a love/hate relationship with him, and the board will often be split if he reviews a game they like (or used to like after watching his review on it because they can be easily lead).
Yahtzee's latest venture is a car crash of a TV pilot by the name of GameDamage. A show that couldn't be more tragic than if it consisted of the Taliban flying Princess Diana's funeral procession escorted by a bus full of blind orphans into the World Trade Center on 9/11.
Even More Forgettable Reviewers
Alexander4488
A butthurt game reviewer who is less known for his appallingly bad game reviews and more known for his self-fellating advertisements on every gaming website known to man. Like another overly-egotistical game reviewer, he goes to film school and fancies himself as the second-coming of the AVGN on YouTube.
His blatant egotism came to head after a YouTube commentary group riffed on one of his videos. Being absolutely batshit insane, he came to his own defense with a barrage of comments, until his own replies actually outnumbered the number of views the video had. Safe to say, his sheer butthurt generated great lulz for those who witnessed it.
On cue, Alexander has made multiple accounts on ED after this stub was written in an effort to defend his actions.
Asalieri
Eric Tellah is a YouTube nobody who after viewing Encyclopedia Dramatica for the first time, decided to make a series called "Reviewing a Reviewer" which is META AS FUCK, but still just a shitty version of Let's Play with Youtube. It is great to know there is someone on YouTube that can tell it like it is. He said it best himself:
- "I'm just a regular video game fan, here to provide insight on what it's like to be a real gamer. I am absolutely sick of the billions of idiot reviewers who collectively push the general image of gaming back a few decades by showing the world we're apparently nothing but brainless idiots. In my series "Reviewing A Reviewer" you'll see several Videogame (and who knows, perhaps other media) reviewers get reviewed and you can see for yourself how bad they're all making us look.
- So pull up a chair, and if you can deal with my limited ms paint skills and shit quality audio, let's explore the world of incompetent reviewers together."
In his spare time, he also does voice acting and is fan of Final Fantasy VII which will hopefully one day get him as much 13-year-old ass as his idol, Vic Mignogna
Bastard Gamer / judekhanzo
In recent years, with the success of wonderful websites like ThatGuyWithTheGlasses, it was inevitable that eventually everybody on YouTube would become an angry reviewer, and for Joel Holmes it was more than a good enough reason to get started in angry reviewing. He decided to call his character "The Bastard Gamer", which is at least semi-original considering the amount of "That Blanks With The Blanks" in the world. His modus operani is to review bargain bin video games from GameStop and other shit he had laying around his mancave. He was eventually recruited by FreezeCracker.com, the home of Geoff Mendicino and Gamelife, which did wonders for his already-inflated ego.
Because he was getting called out on his 'success', he became an anti-troll within the YouTube community, so he could take a stand against a channel he deemed a threat to his ego. He has decided to play The Commentary Game with his buddy above, Asalieri, and make enjoyable parody videos of even more successful YouTubers like Irate Gamer and Alexander4488. Even though trolling these people have already been beaten to death with a hammer, sent to Auschwitz, cremated in a gigantic oven, and then sent to Haiti as a form of toilet paper - they still continue to do it anyway. Currently, he has no fucking clue if he wants to be an angry reviewer who wants fellatio from the female cast of Street Fighter, or if he wants to be a parody of angry reviewers who wants fellatio from the female cast of Street Fighter. Maybe he should stick to making AMVs.
Every day Today also happens to be Joel's Birthday, so please feel free to wish him a very happy birthday and send him a Happy Birthday Card at
Joel Holmes 3215 Bernet Street Burton, MI 48529
Unfortunately, because of his severe case of diabeetus he does not accept mail orders for birthday cake. He will, however, accept vast quantities of pizza and beer.
- You can view Joel's JewTube account here
- You can read Joel's LiveJournal here (more entertaining than his videos)
Darknessthecurse
A graduate of the UrinatingTree School of Reviewing, this man manages to somehow make the aforementioned failure seem superior. His main "skill" is a scream that can make your ears bleed in 3.4 seconds flat. Is also responsible for the significant popularity of even shittier game reviewers, including his BFF Rijno. Unsurprisingly, this man has over ten thousand subscribers at his beck and call, as the people who follow this stuff on YouTube travel in packs.
You can view Darknessthecurse's YouTube channel here.CLOSED DUE TO EAR-RAPING SCREAMS!!!
Game Zone
(Left) Carl "Slammer" Joseph
(Right) "Liam the Great" Farrell
Originally inspired to make a video game internet show by Gamelife, The creators of Game Zone somehow managed to create a show that's even more retarded.
Presented by an emo nigger with a speech-impediment (Carl) and a fat goth wrestling fan (Liam), two ex-presenters of a British satellite channel that no one ever watched (that they also did for free), the two morons stumble around screen attempting to review games in a professional manner, but ending up with epic lulz to be had all-round.
The show reached mini-meme levels when UK Resistance discovered their pilot for the internet series, (then called the even more retarded GamerWeb 2.0) and loled at the fact they couldn't spell "Eye" correctly and assumed having a sock reviewing video games in a high-pitched voice was a good idea.
Their infamy fame turned them into such egotistical assholes, that they think TV companies want to snap up their idea for a gaming show.
UPDATE: Game Zone have now split, because Carl won't give Liam his 360 back that he borrowed.
Geoff Mendicino / FreezeCrackerFun
Geoff Mendicino, an unfunny mentally deranged cunt, fuck-nut spic, whose sole aim in life is to make videos of him team-killing 13 year old boys on Xbox Live and having anal sex with a Pikachu doll.
Originally a member of the retard fuck-fest that was GameLife, he ironically went on to make a website even more retarded called TheGameBoys and then FreezeCracker.com when Youtube B& his shitty trolling exploits.
Pissed off that he doesn't get his own article like Angry Video Game Nerd and is listed close to the bottom, he should probably kill himself of Super AIDS and Mega Cancer and become An Hero and make the world a better place.
Furious Famicom Faggot
A half-hearted attempt by Shmorky to parody the then-emerging video game reviewing movement on YouTube, we can only dream of what could have been. Despite having the potential to harvest great lulz out of the subgenre, it only ended up being a moment of great fail and reinforced how unfunny Something Awful is. The character was killed off after several episodes due to this obvious reason.
Futuramaooy
An irritating, curly haired kangaroo fucker, whose whole pathetic, sad little life evolves around posting hate videos about the Irate Gamer (whom clearly doesn't give a fuck about as he's never had them removed), posting boring fucking videos about how great Megaman is, as well as other shitty NES games no-one gives a fuck about & sucking Ben Croshaw's cock.
Next time Britain decides to deport their criminal scum out to the colonies, they might want to consider having them spayed first, as to avoid inbred abomination's such as Futuramaooy.
You can view Futuramaooy's Youtube channel here.LOL CLOSED!.
Riz Rave Reviews
Dan Rizzo, a former game reviewer from Australia that reviewed crappy games and crappy movies about his homeland, who can't keep his mouth shut for five seconds unless he's spewing some sort of total bullshit from his fat wallaby fucking ass. After hearing about his feud with Spoony, TGWTG admins eventually decided to permaban him from the site, which caused an uproar with fans curious about their Aussie's sudden departure. Thus far, TGWTG's staff has not spoken out, leading to wild rumors and extended drama. It is speculated ThatAussieGuy got fired because of his lack of updates and just being a preening faggot, but seeing TGWTG fanboys have about as much rationality as a schizophrenic, this probably holds about as much weight as a starving Ethiopian. It's becoming even more obvious as of late, with Aussie leaving lulzy tags in his JewTube videos, copying someone's Contra gameplay video and dubbing over it like he's playing the game, and posting a trailer of utter hilarity claiming to tell all about TGWTG, only to puss out a day later.
And nothing of value was lost.
Gaming in the Clinton Years / Navgtr
"Gaming in the Clinton Years"
Jack Thompson's attempt in the 1990's to become a legitimate video game critic. These videos are best described as a combination of epic fail and inadvertent lulziness. In these "reviews," Jack discusses his brilliant video game ideas, such as giving Lara Croft breast cancer, driving the speed limit while taking a woman to the labor ward, and playing as a batshit insane lawyer who must defend himself for mailing gay porn to a judge.
These videos were seen by the National Academy of Video Game Testers and Reviewers and were picked up by this prestigious organization. It is unknown if this was done for the lulz, but considering the "academy" was created by a bunch of old men and women, it probably was for not. Is now topical, due to Retsupurae doing several commentaries over them.
The Sega Kid
One of the first sorry souls to emerge from the Angry Video Game Nerd's womb, the Sega Kid epitomized everything that is wrong with video game reviewing on YouTube. In a banner of fail, the Sega Kid managed to piss off both haters of video game reviewers and the staunchest of rant-through supporters alike with his now infamous "reviews" of Mortal Kombat 3 and WWF No Mercy among others. Due to this overwhelming amount of deserved hate, the Sega Kid released half the number of reviews he had dissing his haters for not understanding his well-refined humor and gaming expertise.
He has since retired and is now releasing videos commentating on professional wrestling.
theSuperRobotSoujaOG
This fat KFC eating nigger reviews games in the same style as Spax3, but with more aids and fail. At least this faggot never sues people and talks about phone sex. He's also does let's plays and walkthroughs because this fat fuck has no life whatsoever. He's also a anime weeaboo who jacks off to Tea Gardner from Yu-Gi-Oh Babs Bunny from Tiny Toons.
SRS' accountClosed bcuz of butthurt failfaggotry- SRS' new account
- SRS' new NEW account
- baawwleted capped for the win
- His MangaBullet
Thevgman
TheVgman (moar liek TheVirGinMan amirite?) is another AGVN fag only he is worse than the irategamer and Alexander4488 combined. It's hard to watch any of his videos because you have to look at his ugly ass nigger face. He gets super butthurt when anyone calls him a fag or a nigger.
Sizzler07 / VIB113
A basic-level troll who used the once-lambasted work of a fat 12-year-old asspie to mimic Chadwardenn, thus duping the easily-trolled video game reviewer community on YouTube.
He rose to unexpected fame and infamy after Armake21 bashed his "review" of Contra. As thousands watched this video, it spawned a frenzy of lulz not seen since the aforementioned Chadwardenn, as it took a fraction of the video game community months to figure out he merely reuploaded someone else's work. Even today, most people will still say that Sizzler's work is authentic. With his purpose served, Sizzler07 closed his account, serving the lulz with minimal effort, but with great honor.
Undercoverfilmer00v
Skyscraper-high egotistical and batshit insane YouTube reviewer who was best known for reviewing games with a paper bag over his head and released epic 45-minute reviews analyzing every aspect of the game. He went to film school, so he fancied himself far superior than any other reviewer out there, even the AVGN. He was so egotistical that he compared his reviews to "works of film". He also released a series of level run-throughs showing his gaming skill playing Goldeneye with no weapons on 007 mode.
After a lulzless e-war with AkewsticRockR, the Undercoverfilmer put his page on lockdown and hasn't released anything since, constantly bashing his fanbase in the process.
Why YouTube Reviewers Are Useless
The perceived "Humor" in video game reviews is actually little more than an illusion: The viewer's mind tricking them into believing that they are laughing at the comments being made by the reviewer. In reality, what the viewer is actually laughing at are the flaws that are being pointed out, and not the reviewer needlessly swearing about them. The brain associates the commentary with the gameplay, and assumes that it is the familiar sound of the human voice that is causing the reaction. So, as long as you consistently pick games with plenty of flaws to point out, the words coming out of your mouth as a reviewer are completely irrelevant, so long as they are there to accompany the footage.
And what about the notion that reviews actually influence purchase decisions? Sorry; that's bunk too, buddy. Seeing as the bulk of reviews are of ancient retro tat that isn't even available on the market anymore, the closest most reviews come to convincing you to buy a game is convincing you to download it's ROM. And that's assuming the review itself is a POSITIVE one. If a reviewer tells you that an old game is bad, all that means is that you WON'T be downloading it (Unless you like playing shitty games, in which case, money still isn't changing hands).
On the off-chance that a reviewer is actually reviewing something relevant, you still have to ask yourself; "How credible is this fat fuck"? Are you the viewer seriously going to take the word of an unqualified, unprofessional, highly opinionated and blatantly biased YouTube nobody into consideration the next time your fat ass gets out of your chair and drives on down to GameStop? If your answer is "Yes", you deserve to waste your money on games you'll end up hating and to accidentally avoid the ones that you might actually enjoy. If you don't listen to whiny nerds on video game forums, why would you listen to the same whiny nerd just because he has a YouTube channel?
tl;dr version: Reviewing video games is fucking pointless, and watching other people's reviews is an even worse way to waste your time.
See Also
- Chadwardenn
- Gamer
- GameLife
- PC Gamer
- Retro Video Game Kids
- Ruining The Internet
- Tourneyfag
- Unwarranted self importance
- YouTube Commentaries
- YouTube Nobodies
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