Faux News

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The Official News Channel of the Homeland
A typical Fox News viewer.
Billo The Clown lurking on /b/.
Typical Faux News broadcast.
Fox News fails geography
The most powerful people on the Internet don't work for Microsoft, Google or the government. Rather, they're a bunch of antisocial, foul-mouthed, clever nerds who congregate at a largely unknown Web site called 4chan.org.


—Faux News, about 4chan, srsly.

Faux News (also known as Fox Noise, Fucks News, Fixed News, Fox Jews, GOP TV, the Word of Jesus, Our Leader's Glorious Official Republican Government News Network variations of these names or, by its cult worshipers, Fox News) is a comedy network for gullible Republicans, white trash, bitches, and 13-year-old boys. Of course, one could argue that Fox News is really just a huge troll, but it's unlikely, seeing as they take everything so fucking seriously, as evidenced by the fact that Fox is one of the biggest sources of drama on teh internets since Bush stole the election last Thursday. Countless blogs and political commentary websites erupt into debate over the latest musings of Sean Hannity or that shemale Ann Coulter featured on the network. It is also a well known fact that Fox News is also the primary news source for furries.

Fox News is mostly dominated by Irish faggots, since sober minorities, a.k.a. not the Irish, would kill themselves when realizing that they are, indeed, working for Fags News.

It is rumored that the new logo of Fox News will be a triptych of Virgin Mary crying in a glass of Guinness while shoving a potato up her cunt.

Christianhillbilly gets his facts from Fox News (moar liek Fox JEWs, amirite?). Some argue that Rupert Murdoch is in fact Jewish (and everyone acknowledges that he serves Zionist interests), and did WTC to generate lulzy footage for his news empire to replay over 9000 times in any given week. Foreigners and Noam Chomsky hate Fox News because Fox covers liberals and terrorists getting raped by real men with guns. Supporters of Fox argue that the network simply reports the rape, and allows its viewers to decide if the victims were asking for it.


Typical Fox Reporters, Propaganda Contributors

  • Shepard Smith, IRL self-hating semi-closeted homosexual
  • Oliver North, war criminal and a member of the US military. But I repeat myself.
  • Sean Hannity: Irish fuckface who invented the Paddy wagon move (Forcing a 5-year old boy to sing "Danny Boy" while fisting his ass into a greenish mush) see friendship between Hannity and well-known New Jersey white supremacist radio host Hal Turner [1]
  • Bill O'Reilly, loves to fuck his co-workers while telling them to "shut up ..or put up" Also a douche. Has recently become an accessory to murder.
  • Glenn Beck a rapist/murderer back in 1990, openly calls 4chan a leftist pedophile network and linked 4chan to Obama on his paranoid chalk board theories. Also known as the lead singer of the hair-metal band "Glönn Böck."

Examples of Fox News Logic

Is that a bomb strapped to his chest?
Fox has strange bed-fellows.
why yes... yes it is
  • Anonymous is a gang of hackers on steroids: internet terrorists, convening within a top-secret site in order to more effectively blow up yellow vans. You must buy a dog, close your curtains and install phone tracing and a new security system to prevent this.
  • Heath Ledger committed suicide because he either watched the South Carolina Debates, was depressed about the drop in the stock market, or was just "weird."[3]
  • The Half Hour News Hour is not racist, nor biased; but rather, hilarious!? (correction: Fox Inc. worst mistake).
  • Osama Bin Laden did WTC, NOT Jews. (This aside, Osama is actually a Jew too LOL)
  • Fred Phelps is an evil man, yet gays are sub-human creatures that must be lynched.
  • PSP is high powered computer with pron access.
  • Fox News attempted humor with The Half Hour News Hour and failed.
  • If you are an American Presidential Candidate, and you want to prove your patriotism by not wearing an American flag pin, you are a terrorist.
  • Mass Effect has furry pr0n and deserves and AO rating, because the woman which didn't play the game said so. Also, there are chainsaws in GTA IV takes 200+ hours to complete, because the man who didn't play the game said so.
  • Making fists with your fellow homey and putting them together is considered a TERRORIST FIST JAB and is a bigger threat to America than cancer and diabeetus combined.
  • Pedophiles can drive and pictochat with your children at the same time.

Fox News versus Anonymous

See HACKERS ON STEROIDS and The Incident.

Sean Hannity vs Robert Gibbs

History of lying and stealing common to their race.


— Rober Gibbs pwning Sean Hannity

Fox tries to shield Sarah Palin from booing crowd

Sarah Palin's latest political stunt was to reinforce her "hockey mom" image by dropping the first puck at a hockey game in Philadelphia. Anticipating bad press from the get go, Faux News website released the following statement:

The GOP Vice-Presidential nominee said at an earlier fundraiser that she would stop some of the booing from the rowdy Philadelphia fans by putting her seven year old daughter, Piper in a Flyers jersey. She said, "How dare they boo Piper!"


— Sarah Palin, showing just how good a mother she is

The plan backfired, and the boos were so loud the stadium tried to drown it out by turning up the music. That did little however to distract from the numerous thumbs-down gestures and Obama/Biden signs in the audience. And when the time came, Palin didn't even drop the puck herself.

Faux News for their part tried to polish this turd by splicing together overhead footage that cut out the audience and using crappy audio that drowned out most of the booing.

Fox News: Saving the World One Vidya at a Time


The biggest threat to a god-fearing, fag-hating nation, aside from terrorists, liberals, liberal-terrorists, and atheist heathens, is the vidya. Jack Thompson is a prime candidate when it comes to completely unreliable "research" providing the reason your little boy raped a girl, stole a car, and murdered a number of people is not due to bad parenting, but a video game where he repeatedly pressed the X button. But we're not talking about any hack-lawyer who needs to be put into a retirement home this time, we're talking about a hack-psychiatrist named Cooper Lawrence. Dr. Lawrence (not a real doctor, but a doctor like Dr Pepper is a doctor) appeared on Fox News to discuss the psychological harm that can be educed by the popular vidya "Mass Effect". Surely, they're going to discuss the harmful effects of fighting an evil alien race, right? Nope! Faux News is going to discuss the three minutes of DIGITAL, FULL FRONTAL, TOTALLY EXPLICIT, FILTHY, UNNATURAL, MIND-CORRUPTING NUDITY! Seriously, they compared the Xbox 360 to Pandora's Box. Cooper gave her two cents about "all the research" and how teenagers with their developing minds see women as objects of desire. Amazingly, the smartest person there was from Spike TV, Geoff Keighley, who not only got Cooper to say that she never actually played Mass Effect, but that there was only a bit of alien side-boob. As Keighley tried to explain that nothing being said was true about the content of the game, and it was all blatant lies and bullshit, Faux News decided to cut off the liberal-fag-loving-terrorist, and went back to raging about children playing porn games. And then when they had their little moralistic circle-jerk about how awful it is, they all acted as if Geoff hadn't spoken at all.

Normally this kind of bullshit ends as a never-ending nerd rage on YouTube, but a few days later, Cooper Lawrence got her just desserts on Amazon.com. Gamers calling Cooper on her bullshit flocked to wherever a review of her latest book "The Cult of Perfection: Making Peace with Your Inner Overachiever" could be deposited, and proceeded to ruin her reputation as a person with any amount of intelligence. Honestly, would you want to buy a self-help book from a person who makes arguments without research?

Wipe that smug sense of self-satisfaction off her face with calling out her bullshit

Excuse me "Darling", I guess I don’t have to read your book to bash it the same way you don’t have to play or even research a game you are talking about before you go on Fox News and spout your ignorance as fact. You are a moron and an attention whore.


—Anonymous Reviewer

This woman has no business spreading any kind of media. She bases her theories on conjecture and nonsensical hearsay instead of fact. What she said about Mass Effect on FOX was an utter disgrace and I implore anybody who is considering buying her book to steer well clear. She is merely an opportunistic faker who will spout on about any topic, regardless of her knowledge on the subject.


—Anonymous Reviewer

I am giving Ms. Lawrence a poor review because she makes assumptions that are not based on fact. During her Fox news report, she blatantly lied and completely misinformed the public. This is not acceptable behavior, and how does she expect me to read her book and believe what she has to say?


—Anonymous Reviewer

Amazon has since taken off all the reviews that stated they hadn't read the book. But, it turns out the book's crappy enough, even without nerd rage, and over 100 people still give it a 1/5 rating, while four people were paid enough to give it a 5/5 rating.Sample here.


After the interview EA executives called out Fox News's bullshit debate with an ALL CAPS letter debunking the lies that where spoken. Basically the letter defended the hundred of nerds who put in years to make this game. [5]

The resulting coverage was insulting to the men and women who spent years creating a game which is acclaimed by critics for its high creative standards. As video games continue to take audiences away from television, we expect to see more TV news stories warning parents about the corrupting influence of interactive entertainment. But this represents a new level of recklessness.

Do you watch the Fox Network? Do you watch Family Guy? Have you ever seen The OC? Do you think the sexual situations in Mass Effect are any more graphic than scenes routinely aired on those shows? Do you honestly believe that young people have more exposure to Mass Effect than to those prime time shows?

This isn't a legal threat; it's an appeal to your sense of fairness. We're asking FNC to correct the record on Mass Effect.


—Jeff Brown, VP of EA

Result: EA does EPIC PWNAGE on Fox and is, for the first and last time in the history of the world, the good guy.

Update: The Cunt Apologizes

So after receiving a lot of flack from all corners of the gaming world and from having much butthurt on amazon, the cunt actually decides to watch someone else play the game for two and a half hours. She then realizes that she's fucking retarded, because who could get off watching an alien bone a human?[6] [7]

I recognize that I misspoke. I really regret saying that, and now that I’ve seen the game and seen the sex scenes it’s kind of a joke. Before the show I had asked somebody about what they had heard, and they had said it’s like pornography. But it’s not like pornography. I’ve seen episodes of Lost that are more sexually explicit.


—Cooper 'Pretentious Cunt' Lawrence

Despite apologizing to the gaming community for all of the bullshit accusations, the rape over her book on amazon shall continue to prove a lesson to the people at faux news and anyone who goes on who makes any false accusations and promoting a book at the same time, will feel the wrath of the gaming community.

Intertubes H4x0r3d

On July 22, 2007, an illiterate 5th-grader found the intertubes root password by guessing where it was saved: On the Fox News website. Here's what he saw when he signed in:

Surprise Buttsecks!
Fox News Makes You Stupid
Breaking News
Fox News is the one on the left

Fox News leaves their root images directory open for perusal.

Faux News Shoops Photos

On July 2, 2008, everyone's favorite propaganda hate machine ran a segment calling New York Times editor and reporter Steven Reddicliffe and Jacques Steinberg "attack dogs," because they mentioned that Fox News' ratings were slipping, probably because people don't want to be fed bullshit during the presidential elections. Fox thought this statistical data was an attack on their fair and unbalanced news coverage, so they counter-attacked the New York Times by having a circle-jerk about how Reddicliffe was fired from Fox, makes less money now working for the New York Times, and wrote the report because he hates Fox, and additionally, Fox posted altered photos of the two reporters to give them Jew noses, yellow teeth, receding hairlines, and darkened circles around their eyes. Showing the average intelligence of people who get their news from Fox, because who wants to get news from ugly people?

Taking on Fark

On August 17, 2007, Fox News attempted to h4x0r Fark and steal their internets. [8] However, since Fox's crack team of internet counter-hate machines is made up of people who regularly get pwned by script kiddies, they got absolutely nowhere and failed so hard that Rupert Murdoch crapped lazers.

More Valuable Information To Come From Fox News

Statistical Analysis of Fox's broadcasts uncover that it is actually a Porn Channel not a News Channel
Fox is so considerate.

"Fox News reporters are wonderfu- FUCKING MOTHER WHORE SHIT"

Fox Lol-cows "discuss"ing Mass Effect

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Still "Fair and Balanced"

Proving they're still a well informed news organization, the Fox 11 report on January 31st, 2008, aimed at "cyber-bullying," included more top notch news reporting about the dangers of the internet. Most of the examples are retarded idiots who can't deal with anyone pointing out the truth of how much of a fag they really are, who then make up shit and go to Faux news for a chance at popularity. Don't miss the surprise cameo from YouTube's biggest crybaby Goronchev.

He was there the entire time.
In this screencap, Goronchev BAAAWWs about ZOMG SO MEAN Anonymous.

Jump to the good stuff

Keep Fucking that Chicken

Anastos on the job

This phrase was coined by Faux News anchor Ernie Anastos during a live broadcast of the New York local news.

It takes a tough man to make a tender forecast, Nick. Keep fucking that chicken.


... and you can always tune in to myfoxny dot cock ... DONG!.



Previous Video  |  Next Video


The quote was an obvious rip-off of chikins producer Frank Perdue's original catchphrase, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken", which went badly wrong when Anastos tried to use it. The original Perdue campaign also generated unintentional lulz when the Mexican translation of their catchphrase ended up telling people, "It takes a hard man to get your 'chicken' aroused" ("polla" meaning 'dick' in Spanish). It's pretty obvious that Anastos meant this version.

At least now we know what KFC stands for.

Fox News vs Sesame Street

From now on I am watching Pox News. Now there's a trashy news show.



In November, 2009, Sesame Street included an old skit where Oscar the Grouch gets into an argument over his liberal news show resulting in a caller telling him she's switching to watching Pox News. This -naturally- caused immediate butthurt at the official 'news' channel of the Republican Party prompting Papa Bear O'Reilly to return fire at Sesame Street.

Other butthurt conservatives in the blogosphere were not so kind.

PBS — a network partially funded with my tax dollars — has the right to tell my kids that their parents watch “trashy” news? The message is clear, I can’t even sit my kids in front of “Sesame Street” without having to worry about the Left attempting to undermine my authority.


—Butthurt blogger



Contact information for lulz

  • Fox’s main number 888-369-4762.
  • Kathy Ardleigh, Sen. Politics Producer o Phone: 212-301-3186
  • Thom Bird, Fox News Sen. Producer o Phone: 212-301-3250
  • Ian Rae, Exec. VP News o Phone: 212-301-8552
  • John Moody, Sen VP News o Phone: 212-301-8560
  • Brian Lewis, Executive Vice President of Corporate Communications o Phone: 212-301-3331
  • Irena Briganti, Vice President of Media Relations o Phone: 212-301-3608
  • Brian Knoblock, International Editor o Phone: 212-301-5486
  • Kim Schiller Hume, Wash DC Bureau Chief o Phone: 202-824-6389
  • Ken LaCorte, Los Angeles Bureau Chief o Phone: 310-571-2000
  • Justin Schmidt, Chicago Bureau Chief o Phone: 312-494-0428
  • Brit Hume, Managing Editor o Phone: 202-824-6470
  • David Asman, Fox News Host o Phone: 212-301-3944
  • Shepard Smith, Fox Report Host o Phone: 212-301-3711
  • Bill O’Reilly, O’Reilly Factor Host o Phone: 212-301-3320
  • Jane Skinner, News Anchor o Phone: 212-301-5023
  • John Moody, Sen VP News o Phone: 212-301-8560
  • David Asman, Fox News Host o Phone: 212-301-3944
  • Shepard Smith, Fox Report Host o Phone: 212-301-3711

External Links

See Also

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